Friday, October 31, 2014

The Halloween Nazi Is Last Amongst The Cast!

So the cat figured he would save the out to lunch for last. What? The insults shouldn't come that fast? She can take it fine, after all the Halloween Nazi may chop off your head and on it dine. Now ends the 100,000 convo run. When 200,000 comes we'll have more fun.

The Halloween Nazi is here,
Even with Halloween so near.
Don't you need to go turn into a witch?
Aren't you feeling that cackling itch?

How gruesomely fun to be here today.
Bantering with you never causes dismay.
You know I love Halloween at my abode.
But if the cat isn’t nice, I’ll turn him into a toad.


Pffft if that came upon this guy,
I'd give you a wart right on your eye.
Then you'd live Halloween all year around.
But hey, plenty of acting gigs for witches can be found.

A wart on my eye would be extra sweet
Better than having them on my feet.
Warts make witches look mean and scary.
Kind of like Pat's back, which is all kinds of hairy.


You stared at Pat's back you say?
Was your crystal ball on the fritz that day?
The cat knew you had a thing for back hair.
I bet you have walls of it in your evil lair.

Back hair on the walls.
Fingernail scrapes down the halls.
My evil lair is quite a fright.
Would the cat be brave enough to spend the night?


The cat knows who to call,
To clean the place from wall to wall.
So nothing will be a fright,
When I bring Mr. Clean's bald head in sight.

Mr. Clean isn't going to have your back.
I have his head mounted on a plaque.
You'll have better luck giving the Ghostbusters a ring
If you don't want to end up as my next play thing.


A taxidermist with a back hair fetish at your zoo.
Damn, your own reality TV show could come due.
And all I can say is, oh dear,
I'm snip snip and have nothing to play with, so no fear.

A reality series sounds like fun.
Then the money I'd make by the ton!
However, my potion recipes and what's buried under porch I need to hide.
Best not invite the cameras in for prying eyes.


There you are. Now all know near and far not to knock on the Halloween Nazi's door. She really is something of lore. She will put you beneath her grass. She will never catch my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Blogvengers Part Five, Not Everyone Will Survive!

Chapter 5
The King Devours
Zombies With Powers

     An old throne chair, barely able to sit upright, held a thing that looked rather rare. Its hair was as white as a cloud and drool plopped from the things lip as it sat smug and proud. Its green scaly skin crawled like something was underneath it. The smell emanating from it was worse than a field of cow shit. It waved a stick with a dried potato on top, some slime, looking like snot, held it on top so it would not fall and go plop. It stood up and looked out a window from a tower high above the land, before extending its hand.
     "Creator, I thank you for this gift you have bestowed upon the Earth."
     "A curse I have brought, my curse to bear." Trucker hung his head to the floor, his clothes torn to shreds, his body beaten and his will gone to fight any more.
     "A curse and a gift can be one in the same, depending on who is on the receiving end. For I, Babylon, King of the Zombies, have rose to power." Babylon gloated and when he smiled his gross body became even more bloated.
     "At least most of the others shut the hell up. Finish it already." Trucker waited for the kill no longer wanting to smell Babylon and feel ill.
    "Thanks to you I can speak. My body may rot from the inside out, I may be infested with parasites under my skin, but my mind is clear, allowing me to become king of the zombies and soon the Earth. You will live long enough to witness your creation." Babylon waved his hand and a few zombies locked Trucker in some medieval jail stand.
     "You will rot like the rest of them until there is nothing left."
     "At least I'll do it being king or everything." Babylon went back to his throne and the zombies near him just continued to obey and groan.
                                       ****************************************
     Theresa had a devilish grin on her face as Keith gave Beate some flowers after a warm embrace. Rosey seemed to be contemplating what they should do. She felt these two were not as crazy as the beer crew. Manzinita came back from picking some herbs muttering to herself about zombies invading her burbs. She noticed the pair standing right on the trap and smiled as she began to clap.
     "Two in love, even in this place. That is a wonderful sight to see. Too bad it won't last long." Manzinita snickered while Theresa and Rosey bickered.
     "No! We can't!" Rosey slapped Theresa's hand from the lever. Manzinita was just having fun watching this endeavor.
     "Keith, do you think we offended them somehow?"
     "Maybe I pissed them off with my confession post. It had to be the size of the period one."
     The pair stood in place, still hand and hand in their embrace. They tried to make sense of the cat fight going on, still unwise to the three's con. Theresa and Rosey fought on the ground and Manzinita just crept up without a sound. She waved to the loved birds and then threw the lever. She laughed as their love she sure did sever.
     "Rack up two more girls, we'll get to two thousand kills yet." Manzinita went back to her herb stash while Rosey and Theresa continued to clash.
     "I've had enough of your goodie goodie-ness. Here's my final giveaway and you win." Theresa pushed Rosey over the table top and into the hole she quickly did flop.
     "Do we count her as a kill?"
     "I think we count her as an unearned run."
     Manzinita and Theresa cackled as one and waited on more victims so they could have more fun.
                                        ****************************************
     Betsy's house remained spick and span, even with the addition of Brian, Mary, Hank, Alex and the rest of the dVerse clan. They all had to restrain themselves when a zombie passed by as all they really wanted to do was stab something through its eye.
     Betsy left the group in the comfort of her lair and sneaked off someplace only known to a pair. Betsy and The Silver Fox. She had him stashed away behind a door with lots of locks. She walked downstairs and flipped on the light, grinning at a chained up Silver Fox's plight. He was hanging there with one leg chopped off and up blood he continued to cough.
     "Doll, how could you do this to me?" Silver Fox whispered out, barely able to speak as he really wanted to shout.
     "My house needs to stay clean. The zombies need to be fed. It is as simple as that, nothing personal."
     Betsy gagged Silver Fox with some old dirty socks, dressed in pink overalls she found in some lost and found box, and then hacked off his other leg with a dull axe. She whispered for Silver fox to relax, then cauterized his wound. She had to go feed the zombies because some of her bushes needed to be pruned.
     Betsy quietly went up stairs and fixed up a few hairs. She chucked Silver Fox's leg out the back door and quickly shut it to muffle the sound of the zombie roar. She turned to find Brian in her view and could tell with his gawk, he spotted some blood on her and had a clue.
     "Sis, did one of the zombies bite you?" Brian was ready to kill them all until Betsy pointed to a door down the hall.
     "Follow me. I will show you what happened."
     Betsy lead Brian to her locked door and she unlocked it once more. She motioned for him to go down and then she gave him a big crown, as in a bump on his head. She whacked him with a bat, pushed him down the stairs and hoped he was not dead. She knew he would make good zombie feed. Brian was unconscious at the bottom of the stairs as Silver Fox continued to bleed.
                                            ****************************************
     Drazin led the group with Pat and the cats following closely behind. They liked his glowing red eyes, whether or not he was a god of some kind. Night had fallen and they were lucky they could see. The last thing any of them wanted was to run into another super powered zombie.
     "So where are we heading anyway, Pat? The feet are tired of the cat."
     "I have no idea. The yellow brick road just seems to show itself any other time we get sucked into these worlds." Pat shrugged and could tell the cat was bugged.
     "Ask Truedessa where to go. Maybe she can show us with some sort of glow?"
     "It is worth a shot. We can't just keep following the godly mook." Cassie was tired as well and hoped they would soon find some place to dwell.
     "The fleabags have a point." Drazin scouted a nearby alleyway and led everyone in when he spotted no zombies on display.
     Pat cleaned the nastiness on the ground with his feet, kicking the garbage and stuff out onto the street. He then sat with his legs crossed and shut his eyes, then he felt some sort of weird cries. Seconds later he disappeared from view and Orlin and Cassie had too.
     "Drazin saves you and you just leave Drazin here? Fleabags!" Drazin yelled to the sky and at whoever else he could who he deemed lived upon high.
     Zombies began to moan and Drazin made his way out of the alley all alone. He let his eyes glow bright red, deciding it was best to avoid the undead. He headed for a nearby car and hoped that everything with it was on par. He yanked out the dead driver, and drove off, ever the survivor.
                                     ****************************************
     Pat and the cats searched high and low, wondering where it was Pat's meditation made them go. Cassie was the least happy of the bunch as with all the rain coming down she would have to clean herself until well after lunch. Orlin did not seem to care, he just shook off and trotted around with his tail in the air.
     "Pat! Orlin! Cassie!"
     The group turned around and gasped at what was found. Truedessa was tied up in some sacrifice cross device and there was some phantom like zombie in front of her with dots over it in spots like that of dice.
     "Stay back!"
     "Don't listen to her. Come to me!" The zombie waved his hand and Pat started to move across the land.
     "Pat, she said don't do that!"
     "I'm wet, I'm tired and I'm sick of super powered zombies." Cassie muttered and leaped into the air. She then grabbed the zombie by what she deemed his phantom like hair.
     "Ouch!"
     "Wait! How can a zombie speak? Aren't their brains supposed to leak?" Orlin ran around and tripped the zombie, trying to figure out this undead talking spree.
     Pat kept walking well Truedessa kept shaking her head, with wide eyes and gawking. She mustered up what little power she could and it turned the phantom zombie to a piece of wood. Pat stopped and shook his head, feeling as if he just had a bad dream in bed.
     "That won't hold him for long. The zombie has psychic powers, this realm is an out of body experience. You have to shove it back in it....."
     "Shut up!" The zombie turned back to its normal shape and made Truedessa's mouth be covered with a piece of duct tape.
     "Back to what?" Pat tried to ask before the zombie went back to its task.
     Orlin and Cassie tried to stop Pat but he kept getting walking all drone like while the zombie laid out the welcome mat. They then tried to break Truedessa free. But it was no use, the steal chains were even too tough for cat pee.
     "The cat is fed up too. I think I know what to do."
     Orlin ran up and kicked the zombie in the chest and then ran away, giving it his best. The number six lit up that he kicked. Cassie kicked his leg, hitting two, and hoped the zombie was licked. Instead the light coming from six disappeared from view and that is when the two got a clue. Truedessa nodded at the cats and they swooped through the night like bats.
     "Some felines will never stop me. I am a psychic zombie. Your human is mine."
     The zombie reached out for Pat's neck, ready to crush it and make him a wreck. Orlin kicked the six once more and Cassie kicked another six with her encore. Both lit up and they knew they were right. Both cats then jumped into the air and ended this fight. They simultaneously kicked the zombie in the forehead and another six lit up, causing him dread.
     "Felines aren't that smart." The zombie shrieked as he disappeared from view, sent to someplace not so new.
     "Six, six, six. That zombie took his licks. We sent him straight to Hell. I bet he won't find that swell."
     Orlin gloated while Pat came to. Truedessa's binds disappeared from view. She floated to the ground and nothing but stars seemed to surround. Orlin gloated and ran around with flair, while Cassie cleaned up her wet hair.
     "Does this mean she is back and Pat will go on the crazy attack?"
     "Thy, we shall join up with the demon and put an end to this place." Pat acted like King Arthur once again as Truedessa was free from her pen.
     "We better get through this zombieland before he thinks he is Elvis or something and hurts all of our ears."
     "I second that."
     "So does the cat."
     The group laughed while the reality around them fizzled to nothing at all and they soon found themselves back in the alleyway with zombie shadows dancing along the wall.
     "It's been fun but it's time we run."
     Orlin and Cassie used their nose, even if Drazin did not smell like a rose, and took off in the direction Drazin went, hoping he at least found a safe tent. Pat and Truedessa ran behind them while zombies staggered about, dripping phlegm.

*******************************

Betsy, Manzi and Theresa are very mean. Poor Keith ended up very obscene. The grammar nazi is pretty much dead. Who knows how this will end as it is put to bed. But another one will come to pass, that you can count on from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

A Duck Bill Today Quacks Away!

Back we are once more with another follower at my shore. I guess if it quacks like a duck it is hard to pass the buck. So the cat brought her here. She can rhyme away though in between quacking, have no fear.

A duckbill must be tough at your bay.
It really must cause some dismay.
No wonder Schultz does what he wants at your shack.
He can't understand no in the form of a quack.

It's true that a bill makes life a bit tough.
And talking and eating can get kind of rough.
But Schultz understands
he must follow commands,
or Mama will be in a huff!


Will you huff and puff,
And all that stuff?
Must be easy to clean dog hair,
As I heard you were full of hot air.

My big bad bill blows a lot of hot air.
It can get scary here at my lair
when I see mud splats and hair balls
all over my walls!


But don't you admire the skill?
It takes a lot to make a mud hill,
Or get a hairball to splat on a wall.
Plus a good booby trap to make criminals trip down the hall.

The skill is astounding
and my applause is resounding,
but when the splats stick for years
these traps don't get cheers!


Some may see it as art.
Like that abstract stuff some take to heart.
Maybe a hairball Jesus face.
Then you could sell tickets at your place.

That's an interesting thought.
Some tickets could be bought
to see hair ball angel wings,
mud Santa tracks, and other such things.


And if all else fails,
And your fans give wails,
Just offer to kiss an octopus once more.
I bet they'd cheer you then at your shore.

A duckbill and octopus sharing a kiss
is a thing one most certainly would not want to miss.
But the inevitable ink blob would soon hide the view
And the fans will be shouting, "Boo hoo!"


Well I guess she sure left you with an image in mind. With that image you'll sure be one of a kind. May not want to tell what it is though. See, even duckbill's can find the flow. Now I'll let that image get more crass as off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.