Monday, October 20, 2014

You May Need A Beer After This Cheer!

Pat is also over at ummm Pat's today? What the hell? A new bay?

So the conversation guests today are two in one as they have their say.
But after my foray into cow testicle eating and my zombie feet treating, I
figured we should empty the seating. So A Beer For A Shower comes trick or
treating. Let's see if they can top used condom dumpster divers and bear
rape. Warning, we may cut the red tape.

B&B the cat may believe,
That you have nothing left up your sleeve.
How can you top your previous actions?
With gems like Wrestlers, Mormons and allergic reactions?

We just don't know if you can top your book *A Fart Apart*
Maybe you can buy something gross from the Fart Mart
If all else fails, inseminate a rotting pumpkin
Or maybe receive a post-burrito blumpkin


Wouldn't you get some kind of dry rot?
That would sure irritate your umm walls a lot.
But should a book to top that you need,
Have Slim educate on "The Secret Meaning of Cat Pee" for a read.


You don't get dry rot you actually get blue waffle
which is a sort of gooey, pustule infected vaginal kerfuffle
And the homeless do love their toilet wine,
Tasting like watery, sour yogurt with a touch of cat pee brine.


So their toilet wine is like a swimming pool?
Drinking chlorine, Giardia and 0.14 grams of fecal matter is cool?
And 1 in 5 swimmers piss in the pool too.
Damn, market that and the dough will be rolling in for you.

We prefer to sell Krokodil, the Russian zombie drug
Make your skin rot into green cream cheese covered in bugs
Then just shave it all off, breathe in that wonderful Kroko smell
Put it in a tortilla and open your very own Taco Bell


Those high after eating Balut must think it sweet,
To add such a treat that will rot them head to feet.
Then Jocelyn Wildenstein will be crowned queen,
That plastic creation has nothing left to eat, not even a spleen.


So let's celebrate with tubgirl and a quadruple amputee,
Get everyone together and don't forget goatse,
Bring two girls, one cup, and some Bacardi
Then we can have a big fat lemon party.


Add some sheep sweat to create a certain aroma,
Have everyone board the Oscar Mayar Wiener mobile to Oklahoma.
Take center stage with "Old MacDonald" to farm life that never shave. 
Let dandruff fill your nostrils ushering in a new "Things done in the barn come home with you" wave.

Make sure you bring your Velcro gloves
So you can give those sweaty sheep some proper love
Anyway, after all this gross rhyming the taste left behind is sour
So if you'll excuse us both we each need a mental shower.


And that is what happens when the beer guys get with the rhyming cat, the rhymes make your lunch want to go splat. I excuse you to go take a shower or three there at your sea. And no one even got crass with this sass that came to pass from the beer guys and my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Let Me Out Is The Least Of What I Shout!

So the other day the cat had karma get revenge on Pat, if you believe in that karma tit for tat. Anyway, he was out and about and stuck in the car squirming like a trout on top a sand bar. Put me in that cage will he? Payback is nice even if it wasn't because of me.

Driving along.
Nothing wrong.
Playing a song.
Maybe singing along.

When oopsy, stuck.
Crap out of luck.
Accident maybe?
Causes no glee.

A cop here and there.
A cop everywhere.
Firetrucks too.
Paramedics up the wazoo.

Place burning down?
Maybe the whole town.
Still rather stuck.
Move it, truck!

Slink out and around.
A new path is found.
Damn it! Blocked again.
Like a confused hen.

Back another way.
Tired of the maze play.
Yippee, I got away.
Damn it! More join the fray.

Stuck once again.
Hate those policemen.
Lights are out as well.
This really is hell.

45 minutes later,
Crawl like a gator.
Finally out of there.
Let loose a final swear.

Gave them all hate.
At a high cursing rate.
Good thing traffic isn't like New York.
I'd want to stab all with a fork.

But what was the cause?
They may deserve an applause.
For Pat could have went boom!
That might have brought gloom.

Some construction worker hit a natural gas pipeline. I guess natural gas isn't divine. The odds of it going boom were really high. Thankfully there were no fireworks in the sky. So being blocked was a good thing, even if the curses Pat did fling. Could have been worse you know. At least he didn't have to go. I guess I'll have to work on my gas, it's not quite as explosive when it comes from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Time For The Blame Game Claim!

The cat sees it all the time. Humans like the blame game chime. They never did the crime. Oh know, it was that scary looking mime. Or maybe that pointy rock. That culprit is a lock.

A little late.
A common trait.
But never you,
As slow as glue.

Oh no, it was this.
That caused no bliss.
Wait! It was a slow driver.
No, you had to stop for a sky diver.

Works not done,
As in all but none.
But it wasn't you.
Just so busy at your zoo.

The phone kept ringing.
The buzzer kept dinging.
Those youtube videos kept playing.
Oops, forget what I'm saying.

Never took out the trash.
I got a bad rash.
It just could not be done.
Plus it weighs a ton.

My poor arm.
Can't cause it harm.
Poor poor me.
I can't do it, you see?

The dog went on the floor.
Typical butt sniffer lore.
But it is all its fault.
I never locked it away in a vault.

Who cares if I was away,
It was just for a day.
Not my fault the pup went on the floor.
Do I have to do every chore?

Come what may,
I'm sick today.
I just can't do it.
See the color of my spit?

Poor poor me.
I hurt my knee.
I got a paper cut too.
There is nothing I can do.

Lazy humans near and far as they go as slow as if they were walking through tar. What else is there to say? Maybe they will whine more for you at your bay. Don't you want to hear the excuses of each lad and lass? Should just do it and it is done like my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.