Thursday, June 21, 2018

Ready to Become A Fan Of The Dirty, Cranky, Dusty, Nose Picking, Mean, Loud, Lazy, Large, Odd, Dopey, Silly, Greedy, Smelly, Whiny, Lying, Old Man?

Ever see a title that long? Does it sound all kinds of wrong? Do you think it is an adult one? Like the Profanity Granny run? Nope, not one bit. It is a kids book as release number 121 is lit. Ready to become a fan? Say his name three times fast and you'll be the woman or man.

Everything is always right in the town of Cherry Bright. People come and people go. They step to and they step fro. They make sure that all is tame and that every day turns out the same. At least until he caught the sight of the town of Cherry Bright.

They thought him dirty and rather mean. They ran away and made a scene. They thought him dusty and rather loud. They ran home while he stood quite proud. He was sure that they would soon be a fan of the dirty, cranky, dusty, nose picking, mean, loud, lazy, large, odd, dopey, silly, greedy, smelly, whiny, lying, old man.

Have you tried to say it three times fast yet? Is no a safe bet? Intrigued by the loooooooooooooong arse title that came due? Oh the ideas that pop in at our zoo. I could have a name as long as him come to pass, but I have grown attached to simply my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

WEP: Oh Darn, It's Yarn!

The cat will have some fun, if you want a non-rhyme short story you can go to Pat's other one. You know, the boring blog. We aren't letting him here to be a time hog. All would run away. Now on with the tale of the day.

Cassie and I were snoozing on the bed until a familiar thing was said. It had actually become a not so familiar thing as of late, but that doesn't sound as good out of the gate. I used an idiom too. What you gonna do? Gonna get upset with gonna? You know you wanna.

"What did you fleabags do to Drazin this time?"

The godly mook was back. He ruined my time to give you flack. He just yapped and yapped and yapped. It seems that he was trapped. Actually, he was trapped. No seems should be flapped. You either are or you are not. Damn, where am I going with this plot. That was rhetorical to me, so no question mark came to be.

"Free Drazin from this thing, fleabags. Drazin will skin you and make you slippers and make your human eat them if you don't free Drazin this instant."

"The godly mook is going to blow a gasket." Cassie rolled her eyes and trotted to his cage. She sure never wanted to flip the page. She was having too much fun. Drazin sure had been spun.

"Don't whack Drazin there. Drazin really will skin you fleabags."

The godly mook made his eyes glow. He is a god, you know. Or maybe you did not. We still are not so sure on that plot. Hey, that plot's on you. How are we to know if it is true?

"The godly mook went for a spin. Please tell us that you aren't going to commit sin."

"Fleabag, take your rhymes and shove them up your hairy ass."

"The godly mook has no class." My smirk made him snort. I wish that was all that occurred and we had hit abort.

Cassie grabbed one side and I another. The two strands could have been from the same mother. Does yarn have a mother? Maybe it was a sister or brother. Anyway, we yanked with glee and watched as the true godly mook came to be. Bald head, red glowing eyes, goatee, and shiny gold armor to match the shine from his head. Why couldn't we have just stayed in bed? Actually, it was on bed, but that sounds weird when said.

"Drazin doesn't know what you fleabags are up to, but Drazin doesn't want any part of it."

"And you think we want any part of you? Pffft, godly mooks." Cassie began to trot away and then it looked as if she started to play.

"Are you going to swat at it? Don't eat it or Pat will have a fit." I jumped five feet in the air. I can do that at our lair. The yarn had come alive. Or maybe it was already alive and just wanted to play dead to survive.

The two strands went this way and that. They wrapped around Cassie, Drazin, and this rhyming cat. This alive yarn thing was no fun. I would much rather give zombie feet a run. It squeezed and I thought I would burst. Alive yarn is just the worst. Now I sound like a teenage girl. Hey, you give fighting off magic yarn a whirl.

"Fleabags, chew your way free."

"Why can't you burn it, godly mook?" Cassie tried to chew but it would not do.

"We are good and screwed. This yarn has attitude."

"Drazin has had enough of this." Drazin tried to squirm free. His enough of magic yarn did not come to be.

The yarn flipped off us that way and flopped off us this way. Either way, it did not make our day. It then stretched some ends about and spelled some words out.

"You shall never eat us again," Cassie mumbled after the words un-jumbled.

"Drazin knew that you fleabags were the cause of this." Drazin's eyes glowed a little brighter. I really need to invest in a lighter.

"I haven't eaten yarn in years. Pat scolded me and never gave me cheers."

"Don't look at me, godly mook. I just eat plants and thin cords." Cassie cringed as she got squeezed more. Then we heard the turning of the door. Actually the knob, but you knew that I meant that and not corn on the cob. Hey, it rhymed and like Pat, it was well timed.

Pat came home from work. He was ready to go berserk. Our deus ex machina moment had come. Whoops, the yarn grabbed him and knocked him on his bum. Pat then whacked his head against the wall. He was out cold and of no use at all.

"No. You!" Cassie read the next words that came, and we watched as it pointed toward its end game.

"Drazin never touched yarn in Drazin's life."

"Not yarn. Spaghetti." Cassie rolled her eyes right quick. She can do that some slick. "Really? The alive yarn has a multiple personality complex? That's worse than the godly mook."

The yarn squeezed her until she could not talk. We really had to make this messed up yarn take a walk. So we did the only thing we could do. We let loose some pee and slipped on through. Yarn and cat pee do not mix. Hey, it's one of our go to tricks.

"We will have all humans for eating us every day." Cassie darted into a closet after having her say and went to her enemy that was hidden from display.

"If humans ate you, they would turn to dead meat stew." I taunted and dodged each strike while Drazin eyed me in extreme dislike. I could tell it was extreme. How? He continued to scream.

"Get Drazin out of here so Drazin can fry this thing, fleabags."

I dashed to his side and tried to bite through. The yarn was too tough, which proved it wasn't some spaghetti stew. And I was all out of number one. So I did what I do best and went for a run.

Around and around I went. The yarn really became bent. That would be upset and actually bent around corners and such. Do you think I have used actually too much? Maybe literally is the better choice. Bah, let's just finish so we can rejoice.

It let go of Drazin to stretch and chase me. By the time I was done, yarn was everywhere to see. It stretched this way and that and it never clued in while chasing the cat.

"We shall prevail and stop all who eat us." Cassie just shook her head. What? Did you think she was dead? She had a rough go. It is a scary machine, you know.

Cassie hit a button right quick. She stepped aside as Drazin grabbed it after realizing her trick.

"We shall not be eaten my ass." Drazin read the words and added the last two. He then sucked up that magic yarn that came due. The vacuum sounded ready to bust, but that machine we already distrust.

"That's not all. There is still more up and down every wall." I trotted to some more. That magic yarn wanted a WEP encore.

"Not if Drazin can help it." Drazin got rid of the rest, proving that the vacuum can pass the everything has a good point test. "There, now that Drazin has saved you fleabags, Drazin can get home."

Pat woke up just in time to see Drazin fade away. He, of course, had to have his say. "Thy demon will be slain."

"Too slow. Let the voices go."

"Time you fed us."

We trotted over to our dishes and made a wish for fishes. We ate what Pat gave, it was nothing over which to rant and rave.

"Oh, and you may want to invest in a new one of those." Cassie gleefully finished her meal while the smoking vacuum struck a pose.

"Thy demon shall pay for..."

I whacked Pat upside the head, not wanting to listen to what King Arthur said.

"Thanks. What the hell happened?" Pat tilted his head to the side. His OCD may have been mad that we ended his cleaning ride, but after we told him of the yarn's magic trick, he ditched that vacuum full of yarn with a complex some slick.

After that we returned to our nap, each of us glad we had beaten the magic yarn's trap. Did the yarn trap us though, or was it another foe? I guess that is a story for another day. No guessing as I know...right...done...okay!

Words: About Six Thirds

Ever have magic yarn come after you? Did you escape like we did at our zoo? Any thoughts on the rhyming cat? We just started and out popped that. I hope magic yarn with a multiple personality disorder never comes to pass. We wouldn't want that after our little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Laser Eyes To The Wise!

The mutt didn't work out, so now we have to try another way for those still about. The cat will get it down soon. They aren't going to get into the territory of this loon.

I may be snoozing,
But I'm still perusing.
Don't even think about it.
Yeah, you and your fluffy shit.

No. Not you.
You are grumpy too.
You stay away.
Works for our bay.

Don't sleep when I'm talking.
You better get to walking.
Don't give me that.
You're being watched by the cat.

Don't give me that look.
You tried to get in my nook.
I heard you at the door.
You'll get in no more.

I can still see you.
You're no stuffed animal too.
Those I'll rip and tear.
So you better beware.

Have to do it myself.
Have to get off my cat shelf.
Look at this fool.
He thinks he's cool.

Pffft no way.
You go eat hay.
Can't have my stash.
Come closer and I'll bash.

Two on two.
Bring the fluffball through.
Cassie will help.
Or I'll make you both yelp.

Or maybe no need.
Laser eyes are taking seed.
Cassie is ready to go.
Reap what you sow.

Hmph. Told you so.
Eyes all aglow.
So come on in.
Laser eye death for the win.

Is the cat mean? Bah, those ones are so unclean. They get hair everywhere. They can't come in our lair. Cassie agrees. Her laser eyes make them freeze. Any fluffy intruders coming after you? I hope not at your zoo. That would be bad if it were a fluffy lad or lass. A super hairy human is scary to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.