Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Time to Set Sail and Spin a Tale

Ok the cat is going to stray from the typical topic of the day, even though there is nothing typical about my rants, as I out rhyme all you ants. Oh look Betsy the Grinch is showing his face once more, I’m glad you gave me that comparison to add to my lore. So I rip off The Tales of Tashtoo with a little tale of my own, glad Natasha can’t yell at me on the phone. Also take a page from old WaystationOne, but all the pretty words Brian uses I’m afraid I have none. So lets see how this goes and if I can pull this off like the pros.
Haunted Retreat
You were sitting one day surfing the net, like a pro or vet. When you happened upon a tweet, you thought was rather neat. So you click on it going to the facts, looking at one of the new acts. You thought it would be rather fun to see what the Haunted Reviewer was all about, as you liked the ad and what was wrote.
So you gave it a click and found the site to be quite slick. The first story really caught your attention, as you saw a slight mention, of a house you heard of before, as it could be found with out much of a chore. For it was close by your place, then you got a creepy look on your face. As reports of everything from zombies to ghosts have supposedly be seen, enough to make you turn green. But you packed up your gear, shoved back the fear and decided tonight was the night, you’d prove you were right. As there were no such things as ghosts, no matter how much someone boasts.
You get to the Folklore Haunted House, creeping up to it as quiet as a mouse. You see a strange figure alright, but he doesn’t give you a fright. As he sits there jotting down things in his notepad, but you are kind of glad. As now you have some company by your side, so you walk over with a big stride. You introduce yourself with a shake and after the man does a double take, waking up from his diluted state, he says his name is Brian and nice to meet you mate.
You can tell he’s working on some sort of story or poem and then watch as he begins to roam. You decide to stick close, in case something really does come from the house. Then you take a huge jump back, as Brian stops you from falling in something really ack. As the door swings open and a woman comes into view, you almost filled your pants with do do.
But Brian starts to laugh and gives a smile, as Natasha walks down the steps in style. For you soon learn she has been hired to sell the property and hopefully get a nice commission fee. She has a bit of time before her prospective client arrives and warns you about the few bee hives. Then invites you both inside, being your real estate guide.
But you no sooner close the door, when Betsy shows up with her Five Men, as it looks like your group is now almost ten. But you figure safety in numbers couldn’t hurt, in case blood starts to spurt. So you stick with the crowd, even though Betsy is kind of loud. Natasha shows you the ins and outs, heck you figure she could even sell trouts, as her sales pitch is quite good, but you’d never buy even if you could.
As you come to the landing a shutter runs up your spin, as you see a spilled glass of red wine. But you quickly realize it wasn’t blood, then everyone hears a quick thud. A scream like no other follows and everyone gulps and swallows. Brian acts all big and brave, hiding behind Betsy’s five men like pretending he's hidden in a cave, while you follow suit, as the voice begins to hoot. As you all get closer cursing ensues, letting you know this is just another rouse. For you swing open the bedroom door and see Raven with her foot caught in the floor.
The language coming from her mouth you never thought you’d hear, but then she claimed to be a Superhero Extraordinaire so you hoped she’d take away some of your fear. It seems she was being a snoop and got thrown for a loop, as her foot got stuck in a rotten board, like it was held there with a cord. Brian struts over like the hero and pulls her out as you think what a zero. Natasha tries to ignore the rot, as she wants you still to think this house is hot. Betsy and her five men are having doubts, as they would rather invest in boats.
So with Raven in tow, off the group go. As they reach the attic stairs, everyone just stops and stares. As it looks like something out of a horror flick but Natasha lights a candle wick. As the lights don’t work up there at all, but she still holds the candle and stands tall, leading the way up to the attic, but as the group goes in they here a bunch of static.
You run for the door, not liking the look of the floor, but the clock chimes twelve and the door slams shut knocking down a shelve. The candle grows dim and you knew you never should have followed him. You blame this all on Brian and his dumb note pad, why weren’t you a clever lad and stayed outdoors or better yet stayed home and did some chores.
Raven can be heard in the corner cursing up a storm, while Natasha tries to pretend this is the norm. Betsy hides behind her men and they protect her like mother hen. While Brian continues to scribble words down, even though he can’t see what a clown. You see a faint figure dancing about in her underwear, even if it is a ghost you don’t really care. She stops and stands on a soapbox with the name Lanie etched into it mouthing words, but you can't hear a thing not even the birds.
It’s like she isn’t really there, now you are really beginning to scare, then she fades away into the dark and you all notice a spark. Not one but two, you think what? Who? As two piercing eyes seem to be coming from the wall, for it has opened up revealing a secret hall. You can see a faint smile from the light of the eyes, you hope maybe you just won a prize, but he finally speaks and you go white in the cheeks.
For he states you have entered the Lair of Silver Fox and how he had set all the locks. For he was never going to let any of us go, for he needed more people for his freak show. Raven chucks a nearby book at him, but even with the light dim, all can see it went right through, putting the scare in everyone including you. Natasha has long forgotten about her commission and denied knowing about this omission, for out of fright, Betsy begins to blame her for this night.
A creepy smile comes across the face of the fox, stiking enough dread to scare you out of your socks. As group all huddles in the middle of the room, expecting nothing but doom and gloom. But you hear a creek and then Brian of all people gives a shriek and the floor gives way, giving you hope for another day, as you all land on an old king sized bed, everyone lucky and not hitting there head.
Finally complete chaos sets in and everyone runs about, trying to get out like a trapped trout. But nothing works as the silver fox still lurks. His voice can be heard coming from every direction, you only wish you had some true protection. But you back away from the window that won’t smash, like you just received a big gash. For from the edge of the woods, you can really see how the Haunted Reviewer had the goods.
As zombies start coming straight for the group, oh you are now going to be turned into turtle soup. You are so scared you don’t even realize the reference and decide which way to die would be your preference. So you stalk up on any type of weapon you can find and cross yourself knowing this could be the last day alive for your behind. Brian arms himself with his notepad, Natasha looks anything but glad, Raven doesn’t look very super now and Betsy with her five men fail to wow. For everyone is scared out of their wits, taking all kinds of fits.
Brian keeps track of what everyone is saying, while some just sit praying, for at least some reference will come out, causing others to steer clear of this boat. But then the door swings open and all goes to hell, for creatures come through that are anything but swell. You and everyone in the group fight the good fight, during this unending night, but the struggle seems to vast and everyone is unaware of how long they will last. For you recollect how this life can be over so quick, even from something as simple as a nick. Then everything begins to fade and what you wouldn’t want to trade, for a little more time or just one more rhyme.
The group tried their best to pass the test and stave off this assault, but it is said they are now locked away in Silver Fox’s vault. For the Folklore Haunted House seemed to have swallowed them whole, as that was surely Silver Fox’s goal. To this day people say when you come near that house and get over how it looks gross, you can still hear this faithful troop trying to work their way out of the creature goop, but more recently the wind set sail, on something that sheds some light on this tale.
For Brian and his notepad had the last word, for as his scratched up, torn and battered final page floated into societies clutches like a bird, only one final passage could be made out, but even that is still in doubt. For did they ascend or are they stuck in some different alternate end, as this remains unknown, but here is the final passage to set the tone.
Here is where our final path lies, as we cut our earthly ties…….

Hmmmm While that was quite different and I think it might work, let me know when you all come back and lurk. That also went places I never intended it to go, but now on with more upbeat stuff as we get to the comment show.
Brian and Natasha look what you started now everyone’s comments are parted, as they give a whole bunch, but if you go by my hunch, I’d bet it is liked by the cat, even some by Pat.
Betsy, Betsy, Betsy, Betsy
Using Yucky and Mucky my aren’t you just ducky. Also comparing me to the Grinch was nice, I’m going to use that more than twice. For now I can have multiple personalities for each of my lives, oh that might give me hives. As wouldn’t that be a bit confusing, for someone who is perusing. But oh well it could be fun, nine different voices telling you how to get things done. Awwww yes you are so sweet and I treat you a bit neat, there was that better or do you want me to knit you a friggin sweater?..hahaha
You cheated to get second place, but you had to rub it in Natasha and Brian’s face, that I like more then hearing a bass. So keep at it, make them have a rhyming fit.
Hahaha hmmm intellect, my thoughts I need to collect, does this rhyming stuff really take intelligence persee or is it just something we do to pass the day? Hmmm I guess it takes some skill or you might go down hill and rhyme all mucky like Betsy and her rubber ducky…hahahaha Damn got you there, but I’m sure you’ll be back to get in my hair.
I responded to this once, but just in case there are some that are a dunce. I am stunned at how well you can rhyme yes, but as you can guess. Or just plainly see, you ain’t got nothing on me. So I can still sit and gloat, while you all try and stay afloat.
Silver Fox, Silver Fox, Silver Fox, Silver Fox, Silver Fox
Damn you beat everyone in the comment section, with all your rhyming and each suggestion. But I handled your gripe right fast and don’t worry I’ll make it last. For I will try to be more careful when putting up posts, I wouldn’t want to cause you to stop your roasts..haha
Yes that was one long post about Jay Black, you really went on the attack. Very nice job though and away I go.
Glad I could please and I could appease. I also love when you rub it in on Brian, and I’m not lyin. For it is such fun, be first and getting things done. Brian was what fifth I think, maybe he got lost in a skating rink, oh that’s right his foot is hurt, guess I wasn’t so alert. Yes Betsy might cause dust or maybe some rust, to get in the way but don’t worry I’ll brighten your day.
Yes you read very fast, and you comments do last. Plus I like that you kick ass and have a whole other class.
Now you had to go and get all profound, but what I found, was you are right, it doesn’t matter who wins the comment fight, as everyone has fun and gets their rhymes done, so who really cares, if anyone sits and stares, but it is fun poking jokes at all of you, but it’s good you can come back at me and not get in a stew.
Brian Miller, Brian Miller
Yes I was surprised you were down so low, as you usually are right on the go, beating me by two minutes on Natasha’s recent tale, oh how you made me wail.
Good dig at poor tash, as she was sick with a rash or was it caught in ash or had to dash. I don’t know, but for this little show, I’m awarding you 1000 points as using whoopdi doo really hit my funny joints. Ok you’re crazy and I can be lazy. There I said it once not twice, as you said I could so be nice. What if I call you nuts doesn’t that still qualify with the crazy ruts? If so then that was twice, so you can try and drown me in rice. Hahaha going all food isn’t that rude, even though I’m so picky, I think most anything is icky, yes I’m as bad as a two year old, or so I am told. Yes blending two layers was great too, just look at the new and improved rhyming you.
Natasha, Natasha
Hahahaha Oh that was well done, putting WaystationOne down is such fun. See Brian is always number two, thanks to me and you. Or would that make him three, oh it fills me with such glee. But you weren’t last, so you weren’t slow or fast, just stuck in the middle, singing hey diddle diddle. So if you aren’t the best are you still better than the rest? Yes killing time is nice, especially when you satisfy your rhyming vice. Hey don’t whine about the forms, as even in storms, I have to count the damn things out for each order, for everyone even up to the border. So use webforms and leave me alone, don’t even call me on the phone..hahahaha. Oh I’d like to smash some of those office machines we got, I’d even use my butt. But probably get a bat, then smash then into pieces smaller than a cat. Yes make plans, then you can appease your rhyming fans and not be so slow, so you can learn to rhyme on the go. The best you think? Are you being a fink? As you can’t beat me, I already told you that for free. Bring it one there old Tales of Tashtoo, as the cat isn’t afraid of you. I can rhyme all day long, even come up with a catchy song. So while you try and outdo me, I’ll go take a pee, then come back sharp as a tack, on the attack, giving you no slack, dirtying up your mat, so how about that?
Sucking up to the old sly fox are you, while yes he is good that is true. Taking a different step with the comment below, as he puts on a nice little show. Hectic work days suck, I seem to say the word that rhymes with duck, one too many times, sometimes it even rhymes. But alas with facts, maybe one day I’ll be off the hectic tracks. Until then thanks for all the support and now I go to do something of some sort. That was really descriptive, not, but I want to do something and not get caught.
Mighty M
Oh a newbie to the crowd, don’t I feel so proud. Saying I’m all creative and such, maybe she’ll keep in touch.
So there we go that was awful long, hope I didn’t make anyone bunch up their thong. As I’m sure I’ll see you all here soon, visiting this mean, err ummm nice, rhyming loon. But until then just know, that no matter where you go, Brian comments every friggin where, always in your hair and I will sprout up like the grass, proving why I am still a little ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.


  1. Up late at night to quench my thirst,
    I found this post, your
    best, not worst!
    The joy I read it with was oh, so spritely!

    I absolutely loved my role
    In this post's tale. Conniving troll?
    I lured them to my trap and locked them tightly!

    To all, I give a warning fair,
    Be careful in the Fox's Lair!
    Tread softly, swiftly, cautiously, and lightly!

    (Those who compete to comment first
    Must see mine here and feel they're cursed!
    Just sayin'.)

  2. haha love your tale, a delight to read, worse comes to worse, my notepad will make them bleed,
    from paper cuts and pens, and i beat tash again..toodle oo see you soon...

  3. Third times the charm, or so they say,
    I'm back to rhyme the old fashioned way.
    So take your digs, and pick your puns
    But I think Ol'Silver's got us all outdone!
    Thought the tale was fantastic alright
    Filled with rhyming, stylin' fright
    So it's back to work for me I go
    I will return later to continue my show :)

  4. A whole night of sick children and snot I faced with good cheer,
    A sleep weary comment is all I can place here.

  5. Wow, what a tale that was, alright!
    And we were all so full of fright!
    Good thing I had brought along my five men
    So we could all hide behind them!

    Now what do you mean? A grinch you called me?
    Aw, Pat don't you know I'm as sweet as can be?
    I'm so glad you offered a sweater to knit
    It will go well with the pearls I will get
    to put around my little neck
    That should be fun, so what the heck!

  6. Wow! That was quite the tale. Clever too!

  7. Working hard on Face it Facts
    Means Ol'Rhymetime cannot attack
    So here I am, all safe and sound
    While your touting facts and thoughts profound
    Just thought I'd stop and say thank you
    for your comments on my tales of tashtoo
    Guess maybe I'm just hear to say
    Thanks for the shouts-out, the rhyme, and play
    So now dear cat I have to run
    Thanks again for all the fun :)

  8. You shouldn't feel used,
    I'm in search of my muse-
    She's leading me on a merry (Mary?) chase
    While I'm pathetically losing the race.
    I'm not proud - just sometimes loud.
    Thanks for the mention,
    It's a red-letter day
    but let's not build up tension
    cause I have to say
    Keep your hands off the thong,
    that would just be wrong...
    Now I'll try to come up with a rhyme
    before you stop by the next time!

  9. Glad to be woven into such a scary prose. I can't rhyme worth crap, but here goes

    My site is called Haunted Reviewer
    attractions so scary noone would snooza (tip to Seuss)
    visit my site but be forewarned
    Everyone says its dark and forlone

    If you are looking for things to do in October and happen by
    I'll give you reviews that will make you happy
    good, bad and ugly all written, not sappy

  10. I adored this suspenseful tale
    could you hear me wail?
    You gave me quite the fright
    now I'll be up all night
    trying to keep nightmares away
    and the scary ghosts at bay!