Monday, April 18, 2011

Nasty You Will Say, As You Read What I Have Today!

So I promised to leave all of you alone, the next time I came out in my usual rhyming tone. So that I will and I'll do something new, grossing out each and every one of you. Betsy might take this the worst, due to her germ thirst, meaning she wipes them off quite fast, hoping they will never last. But I do it as well, I just know what I'm about to tell. So for your pleasure, yes go ahead and measure. This isn't the longest one I've done, but I will still have fun. As I should really be in bed, so I don't go to work tomorrow like a sleepy head. Oh wait Pat has to do that, I can sit home and nap, yep a lucky cat. As I was saying, before I went off playing, here are some germs, that would make you rather play with worms, they might also make you make tracks and that is the lets Face it Facts.

In an average day, as you go about and play, your hand will come indirectly in contact with 15 dicks, yes that's 15 for all you hicks. Through touching door handles, grocery carts and bottles you use to quench your thirst, remote controls in hotels are supposedly the worst. But there are probably many more, heck I now don't even want to leave my floor.

An average person's yearly fast food intake, whether in the car or by a lake, will contain 12 pubic hairs, you're nuts if you say who cares.

Annually you will shake hands with 6 women who've recently, you know, played down there, and didn't wash their hands after twirling some hair, sorry all I think of to rhyme, really must be bed time..lol

Annually you will shake hands with 11 men who've recently, you know, played down there, probably in some dark corner of a lair. Was that a poke? Nope just a joke..lol

Daily you breath in one liter of other peoples anal gases and that obviously comes from their asses.

In an average lifetime, there will be a crime, as 22 nosey workman will have gone through your dirty laundry pile, yeah that is kind of vile.

At an average wedding reception, yes there will probably be a lot of deception, but you also stand a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests, so don't go and let your lip rests, on any glasses that aren't your own, heck don't even put your lips to a phone and no kissy kissy crap, tell them to go run a lap.

Only 1 in 6 people, on average, wash their hands after going to the loo, imagine if they touched their poo..lol

After using the loo, which we all do, just one of your hands, this might make you run to different lands, can have 200 million bacteria per square inch, that's why you be like Finch. Shit Break for all of those who didn't get that, or like Pat and hold it until you get home, least you know all who roam.

Cell Phone is the germiest accessory most people carry, now that has to make you kind of hairy.

There I am done scarying you all for today, as I have to get in bed and stay. With all the dust mites, that probably give me bites, as they do all of you, but don't stew, as they've been there forever and bothered you almost never, as they do what they do, to me and you. So now you know to annually avoid touching a strange lass, as I continue to be a little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

28 comments:

  1. Eeeuuu

    Do you know that each water molecule that you drink has been through someone's urinary track, be it Da Vinci, Einstein, Queen Mother, Caesar, Justin Bieber, Tom the turkey, Louie the lizard, or Cat in a Pat!

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  2. i am now going to go take a shower, but not brush my teeth, cause a tooth brush in the bathroom collects fecal matter...ummm, where did this one came from, never mind i probably dont want to know, so i think i will just go...hehe

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  3. Um, yuck.
    That's pretty disturbing information
    and a really strong confirmation
    why I wash my hands all the time
    even before I read this rhyme!
    There's a rule in our house that the first thing required
    when arriving home is to wash your hands which have been mired
    in who knows what you been in contact with during the day
    whether your were at work or at play.
    Now excuse me while I find the soap
    and that's no joke...

    Oh, and wouldn't you know the word verification is 'flies'
    yes, they've come from the skies
    sensing our talk about bacteria
    and causing a sense of hysteria!

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  4. Wow putting Einstein and the cat it the same place
    Are you trying to suck up and put a smile on my face
    But then you had to mention that Bieber nut
    Although lots of nuts would savor what came from his front or butt
    Ok enough about that
    Starting to scare Pat
    Yeah I knew
    But thanks for the remind you
    Now I'll think about that everytime I drink
    But never water out of the sink

    Yes I know it collects fecal matter
    No matter if the lid is down or up although I'm sure there is more with the later
    Anything in the bathroom does
    But my toothbrush doesn't because
    It's hidden in a cupboard with the door closed tight
    As brushing my teeth with fecal matter is quite the fright
    But at least it's my own
    Someone elses and I'd really moan..lol

    Yep that's the first thing I do when I come through the door
    Walk a few feet across the floor
    Then wash my hands of all the nasty crap
    Even if I want to take a nap
    For as much as you avoid the germy people all day
    Never know what you can come in contact with to cause dismay
    So may as well be safe and germ free
    Well at least as much as can be

    hahaha guess blogger knew how to be gross to you
    Hate thos stupid things too
    The cats like to chase them around and eat them though
    As once in a while one gets in and goes to and fro

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  5. There is, of course, a very good argument that says exposure to all those bugs and muck is good for us as it allows us to built up immunity. Kids brought up in farmyards tend to be healthier than kins brought up in bacteria free bubbles

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  6. I have read what Alan says to be true
    And the kids brought up in a bubble have more allergies, too!

    But I'm still gonna wash my hands
    as I walk about the land! ha.

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  7. This cynical Fox has to wonder how "they" can possibly arrive at some of those dubious "statistics."

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  8. So, Fox, you've never found anything, um...strange... in your filet-o-fish?

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  9. Actually, yes. In the late 1970s, I found a small piece of cardboard, perfectly shaped to align with the side of the rectangular piece of fish. It was inside the breading.

    I was questioning the validity of the statistics. Did you know that 40% of all statistics available from the internet are either erroneous or completely fabricated?

    (Like that one...)

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  10. Well, yes, I realize that. And the cardboard wouldn't bother me...it isn't germy and it's easy to tell how it got there.

    And did you know that the flushing handle has more germs that the toilet seat?

    Still, I don't sit on public toilets...just sayin. TMI? haha. Sorry.

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  11. Um...haha...well, yes. Gee..and guess that was a 'no' to the TMI question. :)

    Don't you remember this post?

    http://myfivemen.blogspot.com/2010/09/porta-john-love-hate-relationship.html

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  12. Yep, I remembered that. I just like the thought of you several feet in the air, hovering like a helicopter.

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  13. and we better start talking in rhyme
    or that cat will give us some time
    as he'll see this and have a fit
    and get a stick and give us a hit!

    On the other hand, Pat is at work
    and when he takes a break to come and lurk
    he's going to wonder what happened here
    as we've been chatting and being sincere
    about germs and statistics
    and doing all these word gymnastics!

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  14. ha...well, it's easier for you men!
    So there you go...just sayin'!

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  15. Nahhhh, Pat's pretty laid back about rhyming or not rhyming. Even he doesn't do it all the time, when he comments. :)

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  16. Yes, always easier when one can properly... umm... take the... ummm... matter in hand.

    Or something.

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  17. Pat on other blogs?..sure.
    But the Cat right here is not so demure!

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  18. LOL....and then we're full cirlce as to why you should wash your hands! lol....

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  19. CAT! Shame on you!
    You kept on posting
    When I had to move!
    Now I am not online
    Unless at work
    that's not fine!
    Suffering rhyme withdrawls
    Cat in Hat with softy paws
    There will be no internet for me
    Until late afternoon on bloody Wednesday!
    This one was quite the post
    Cat my dear, you are the most
    But this one was a little gross!
    Don't mind me, it's time for toast!

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  20. Well holy friggin crap
    You guys sure took a big comment lap
    Talking about the post made by the cat
    And stuff one would think is TMI at that
    But here you can say what you wish
    Even if you poo on a dish
    Because I don't care
    So go ahead and say it with a swear

    Anyway lets see where to start
    As work kept me busy like I was pushing a cart

    Alan you are very right
    As my immune system is so much better from playing in the dirt day or night
    Unlike some pampered mambi pambi(don't think they are words but better than turds) tots
    Who are raised as robots
    Unable to get their immune system aware
    Of all the germs in the air
    So they have allergies and catch them more
    Should have took the dirt tour

    But now screw that
    As I'm an old cat
    Immune system is what it is
    Which is very good if you wish to quiz
    But hands should be washed for sure
    As there are so many germs just on the door
    Plus my compulsion makes me do it
    But don't worry I'll never have to much of a fit

    Yes Fox most of them are complete bs
    Overexagerrated to make people look and have a fit
    But on the flip side they could also be higher
    Boy wouldn't that be dire
    So take them with a grain of salt
    Maybe a single malt
    I'd also like to know who comes up with these things
    They some telemarketer asking questions when your phone rings

    hahahahahaha Betsy I guess that explains alot about why women take so long
    That post was quite funny and not wrong
    Although I never use a public restroom ever
    Nope not never
    Not even to pee
    As there are germs everywhere you see
    I'd rather go find an alley
    Or some abandoned valley
    Of course then I might get locked up for exposure
    So I keep my composure
    And rush to it when I get home
    Well the cats either sit and watch or roam

    It is only easier if we do number one
    Number too we must do the hover you always have done

    Yes the cat doesn't mind the odd non rhyme
    As I know you can do it most of the time
    Plus Pat finds it easier to read
    As he isn't fast on the rhyme uptake speed

    hahaha back in the sticks
    With all the country hicks
    No internet to keep you connected to us
    Geez might have to hop on a bus
    Go there where internet can be found
    So you can be around
    Sorry had to post to keep Betsy off my back
    As she really is annoying with her "When you gonna post a new one" attack..lol
    Just watch where your toast has been
    Don't want it touched by men
    Who stood and did number one
    Without washing their hands when they were done

    damn this was long
    I'm to lazy to proof my song
    So back to work
    Don't worry I'll still be around to lurk

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  21. LOL. OK, Cat...
    We need to chat!
    You must bave me confused with another girl
    As I've never bugged you to post in a whirl!
    No attack
    I'm not on your back
    Where's your stick and I'll give you a whack...back! hahaha

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  22. Excellent remarks there, Pat. You have outdone yourself!
    Almost makes me think you had 'em waiting on the shelf.
    "Grain of salt" and "single malt" were really quite inspired.
    And yet you "dare" imply to us your rhyming mind is tired?
    And though I thought "poo on a dish" was really sorta gross,
    I must admit that it quite fit With Pat Hatt's "parent" post!

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  23. Well aren't we chatting now?
    Don't go and have a cow..LOL
    I think it's your evil twin
    As she wants to win
    Then makes you forget all about when she took control
    Taking your mind for a stroll
    See she showed herself in the last words
    Saying she'd find sticks by the herds
    Then whack me in the back
    What a mean attack

    Damn Fox I have to say
    That was your best rhyme of the day
    Heck probably the week
    And you broke your normal comment streak..lol
    Yes it was gross I will agree
    But it worked, as you say, with the post made by me
    Oh and my rhyming mind isn't too tired
    As you can see I just rushed that one out quick, trying not to get caught and fired
    So I can still do them on the go
    At my little rhyming show

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  24. evil twin? You mean Brian? lol..

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  25. Well if the shoe fits
    Maybe we'll get him chomping at the bits

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  26. Eew pubic hairs in my food?
    That is just disgusting dude!
    Now it makes me want to avoid
    all fast food cuz I am paranoid
    cuz I really don't like pubic hair
    and yes, oh yes, I do care!!

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  27. hahaha well at least by avoiding you can now save some dough
    Plus it's not good for you to begin with you know
    Yes I wouldn't want them in my food at all
    As they could have came from some guys ball..LOL

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