Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Bah They Are Bombarding The Cat, So dVerse At My Mat!

The cat doesn't want to chat today and is going to ignore the dVerse way. Did you really believe that? If you did let me pull out the mat. As I can yap all day and night, to my own delight. Others might not find it swell but what the hell. I don't give a strat and that is that. But today for my little adventure, others came and joined in on my dVerse venture. They started calling me names, swearing and all kinds of other games. I guess they didn't like the rhyme or felt I committed some crime.

They Are Attacking Me! Oh The Glee!

Does mommy know you escaped from a straight jacket?
What's the matter afraid of my rhyming racket
Who's driving this car, Stevie Wonder?
Wrong guess, looks like you had a blunder.

How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?
You're just special and oh so nice.
Hey dickhead! Did I come at a bad time?
No but you should have tried to rhyme

Yeah, I'm that ****ing Energizer bunny.
So what do you want a plaque or some money
Crawl out from that rock you're hiding under, and I'll drive this truck up your ass.
It's a bush with a crack and no rock just lots of grass

When I say: "Hey, dirtbags!" that means you
That Drazin guy isn't going to like you including him in your stew
You probably don't think that I can force this towel down your throat
Can we talk about this and maybe change it to a coat

Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn
Good advice I won't even make you feel the rhyming burn
I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains
Thanks for sharing your gut pains

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies
Oh you sound so wise
That man has more lives than a cat
Even when he gets squashed flat

Who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side
I don't know who? That has to give them pride
The only reason you're still conscious is because I don't want to carry you
Now now the cat isn't that fat, I swear it's true

I bet you can squeal like a pig
A bird I can do, but a pig I don't dig
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills
Don't you just love my rhyming thrills

I thought I was looking at my mother's old douche-bag, but that's in Ohio
I hope at least he's ummmm very brio
Those assholes must have stolen the wrong ****ing exam
You know I really don't need your spam

I have nipples, could you milk me
Not a sight I want to see
Come with me if you want to live
Some scary advice you give

They should make pills for this shit
Pop a few advil for your fit
Goddammit, I’d piss on a spark plug if I thought it’d do any good
hahaha try that you should

I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork.
Are you some crazy person from New York?
Get busy living, or get busy dying
You sir or ma'am aren't lying

Since I've met you I've nearly been incinerated, drowned, shot at, and chopped into fish bait
I think you have the wrong cat mate
Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues
What you don't like my rhyming news

Well, I read that dentists are prone to suicide
I guess I'll avoid them far and wide
Don't **** with the babysitter
The langauge, you sure sound bitter

If you don't cooperate, you're gonna suffer from fistophobia
Is that like claustrapobia
I'm in the lobby of a Howard Johnson's and I'm wearing a pink carnation
Oh lets just pretend I never heard that proclamation

What's important is how I get along with the people who are still alive.
Yeah I hope you at least go five by five
I swear I'll go all over the world telling people not to screw the boss's wife
Okay so you're telling me in case I get a life

Friends do not engage in sexual congress with each other's wives
What is it with these tales of cheating bee hives
She thought "dictation" was some kind of S&M trip
Damn she must have been really hip

I swear to God when they start slapping that mayonnaise on there I could kill somebody
I hope they didn't use mayonnaise in their gluttony
I live my life a quarter mile at a time
At least you're not a mime

Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water
Yeah your feet a shark might want to slaughter
Cuts off all the oxygen to his brain
I'm sure that could happen on my rhyming train

Its too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here
Ummm a cat and a penguin have nothing in common I fear
They drew first blood, not me
So I guess that means you climbed a tree

C'mon baby, come ta' papa, I'll kiss ya' ****in' dalmatian
What if I had a whole plantation
Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister
Damn they must have given you an awful blister

The price is wrong, bitch
So in other words I need a new pitch
Would you like to go for Double Jeopardy where the scores can really change
Sure even though you sound strange

He could be a ****ing bartender for all we know
No I rhyme and do accounting at my show
Let's see you take *this* under advisement, jerkweed
You aren't very nice at my feed

Are you the Keymaster
If I say yes will you go away faster
Hi I'm Paulie the Penis. And I just love to have fun
I think you need to be locked up and given pills by the ton

My uncle thought he was Saint Jerome
I suppose that's better than a garden gnome
Now that penis had a mole on it
You still not over that penis fit

Please, please can we call it a tallywhacker
Okay if you want to be a slacker
I don't care if they're dead as long as they ain't too cold
Do I even want to be told

Either I have a monster in my kitchen or I'm completely crazy
Maybe your vision was just a little hazy
Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan
I think you need to put away the drugs man

When someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES
Even if they are wearing a tacky dress
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria
You saying I could catch malaria

We came, we saw, we kicked its ass
I'm so glad you finally passed that gas
Are you trying to tell me that my mother has got the hots for me
Ummm that I would never say or want to see

It's not Tootsie or Toots or Sweetie or Honey or Doll
All of those sound like an evil cabal
Why don't you make like a tree and get outta here
hahahaha oh boy that insult struck fear

When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit
I think going that fast would make bush number three split
That's all we got, one goddamn hit
Now don't throw a fit

When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor
Do you use that as your screen saver
I'm gonna cut your nuts off and stuff em down your ****in throat
I think it's time I boarded a boat

I was a stand-up tomato: a juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato
I guess that beats a non juicy potato
Don't give me this "olé" bullshit
Geez aren't you having a fit

He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken
Nah I'll just eat it and continue picking
Is very bad to steal Jobu's rum. Is very bad
Thanks for warning this lad

What was he doing wearing her panties on his head
Oh where this is going could cause dread
You know you drive almost slow enough to drive Miss Daisy
Sorry I don't drive like crazy

Eighty thousand dollars for this car and you ain't got no damn cup holder
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it
Oh what wit

I want a woman that's going to arouse my intellect as well as my loins
Maybe if you toss her some extra coins
It seems to me that the best way to hurt rich people is by making them poor
Sound good, lets do it some more

I can't believe I'm committing an armed robbery for two flashlights
Well you have to see the city sights
I'm not up on all this jive talkin', home boy lingo, what's that supposed to mean
That you are making a scene, maybe green and not very lean

I done ****ed around and caught a ride with the wrong white boy
Say what you really think, don't be coy
Everybody thinks I'm suicidal, in which case, I'm ****ed and nobody wants to work with me
Wow for this therapy I should charge a fee

You really are crazy
Hey at least I'm not too lazy
Boy, did you pick the wrong guy on the wrong day
I have a feeling I could feel some dismay

The same albino jackrabbit son of a bitch who did Hunsacker
Ummm does polly want a cracker
What's the ****in' charge for getting pushed out of a moving car, huh? Jaywalking?
Could be car stalking

I'm too old for this shit
I know you can't keep up with me when my rhyming fire is lit
Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho
And with that I run and hide leaving my show

Weren't some of them just rather rude and a tad crude? But oh I love it, did you have a fit? So the Face it Facts of this, just in case you're confused and start to hiss, were movies lines galore, slapped together in a rhyming tour. I think I got most of the lines right, too lazy to look them up for a sound bite. So if you disagree, go have a pee and leave me be or I'll whack you knee. Then you'll fall in the grass and I'll walk off wiggling my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

64 comments:

  1. ha. critics that are obnoxious are worthless, and only pick on others to make themselves feel better about wallowing in their own s**t...fun rant, eminem has a fun critic song you should look up some time, i like you rhyme, and its your show but watch out when the machine guns blow...

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  2. hahaha yes that is very true
    I just had fun using movie lines to prove how they always wallow in the loo
    Yeah I heard his critic song before
    It was quite the fun tour
    Now he has that machine gun
    So I better run..haha

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  3. ooohhhh.... this was long... :( read it twice but yet couldnt get half of things :P

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  4. What a conversation with that crazy patient of yours...

    I think it is a challenge to write with two voices .. one vulguar and insane, and the other one more rational rhyming cat. I enjoyed the riot act ~

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  5. lovely words...nicely crafted lines!

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  6. hahaha yes had to have seen half to get my drift
    On my little movie rift

    haha Oh I can write with ten voices if I please
    But that might not appease
    As it be waay longer
    And that Drazin guy would think his voice was stronger

    Even those swearing ones were lovely you say
    hmmmm I think they would cause me dismay..haha

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  7. ha - a few crazy pills every once and a while are probably not that bad...esp. when squashed flat....smiles
    now i'm a bit disappointed that your drazin guy is not a mathematician...hi hi...

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  8. hahaha he can count to ten
    Like most men
    But after that I'm not sure
    As I just show him the door
    Yes crazy pills some nay need
    To keep up with my feed

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  9. Deliverance for me has come
    Not squealing pig, but rhyming fun
    Holy crap, you listed them all
    and not once did you trip or fall
    The time this takes must be hard to find
    Perhaps not so for the rhyming kind
    And all true quotes from real movie acts
    And that, my friends,is the Face it Facts.

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  10. hahaha I see you got that one
    Yes I used a ton
    Most I knew too
    Some I had to make sure I had the right words as my rhyme flew
    Yeah the rhymes just came on out
    Thanks for the fun Face it Facts shout

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  11. Yeah they can't keep up with my rhyming sea
    Whether that's good or bad beats the heck out of me..haha

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  12. I try and ignore the mean spirited critics, but damn sometimes trhey get under your skin, dont they....no body does rhyme like you man, bravo :)

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  13. HA! I like how you worked in all those movie lines! Shawshank Redemption, Adventures in Babysitting, Back to the Future, and more. :) Very fun ranting rhyme. Don't worry about the critics. Just do your thing and have fun! :)

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  14. hahaha Oh I can ignore them quite well
    Just flip them to bird or tell them to go to hell
    But it is quite fun
    To pick back at them by the ton
    Yeah they can be a pain though
    But I'll ignore and continue on at my show

    Wow you got a few in there
    "Don't fuck with the babysitter" was prob an easy pair
    But it was so fun
    It had to be done
    Yep I can rant and rhyme
    With each and every chime

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  15. Love this, brought back so many images of so many movies, fun, and as always, I don't know how you do it.

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  16. This one took a bit of time
    Not with the rhyme
    But which each line
    Had to remember their whine..haha

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  17. I enjoyed the rant! Clever how you do that...felt very much like an eminem tune, you should put it to music like Claudia last week! :)

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  18. You really are too much
    with your movie lines and such
    And critics at your shore?
    You sure told them where to go and more!
    I see Miss Daisy made an appearance!
    Between you and Drazin I wouldn't want to run interference!

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  19. hahaha yeah I suppose that I could do
    But that could overshadow the theme song, sad but true
    And Orlin may have a fit
    Meaning Pat could get bit..haha

    hahaha Oh you know the movies will keep coming
    As my rhyming keep strumming
    I'll do them humming
    Maybe even drumming
    And yes Drazin and the cat
    Can easily take care of that..haha

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  20. Pat, that was truly a worth while ramble. Enjoyed every line.

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  21. Oh my... very clever! I only recognized a few, though.

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  22. Quirky, abrasive-- you are a phenomena. Hope you feel calmer after getting that out.

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  23. Usually I don't 'get' you Pat, but this time, I 'got' maybe half, but I liked what I did get.

    you, sir, and your cat, are iconoclasts.

    LOL!

    Lady Nyo

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  24. haha yes I went on quite the ramble
    With my movie quoting gamble

    Only a few
    Bah I won't stew..haha

    haha I'm never all that calm when rhyming here
    I just spread the cheer and sometime fear
    Or confuse
    And occasionally abuse..haha

    Gave me a word I had to look up
    Glad you half filled your cup
    With my rhyming stuff
    And you didn't go away in a huff..haha

    Movie's can be fun
    As long as it isn't some crappy new one

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  25. what can I say
    but oi vey oi vey!

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  26. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills
    Don't you just love my rhyming thrills...

    Yes! - just want you to know that I'm digging your ramblin in rhymes, and I it's fun it goes on in so many lines!

    and just for fun, I've got to say-

    No more rhymes now, I mean it!
    Anybody want a peanut?
    (~The Princess Bride)

    ~ ;-D
    deb

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  27. haha I guess that's enough to say
    Haven't heard that word said in a while at my bay..haha

    hahaha I remember that line too
    Great movie line choice from you
    Always up for such fun
    Yes so many lines had to be done
    As usual I couldn't shut it off one bit
    With my rhyming fit..haha

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  28. it must take you a week to get all of this together, I have no idea HOW you do it~! Bravo.

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  29. Pat, I can never get to the end of your rhyme without a smile-attack. Now this one had a bit of attitude from time to time...snappy. My question is: do you dream in rhymes?

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  30. haha actually I did this last night
    After a video game fight..haha
    So nope not a week
    As soon as an idea start to peak
    Off I go
    Here at my show

    hahaha the attitude came from those movie guys
    I'd never tell those lies..haha
    Ummmm I have once or twice
    As I chase those fuzzy dice
    Never did before I started this strat
    So I'll blame the cat..haha

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  31. Pat, very entertaining as usual. Glad you came out and said they were movie lines, because I was gonna tell ya that these insulters can't even make up their own barbs. Wish I could say I knew them all, but nope, I'll have to admit to the fall, I think I only got 3, but remembered many more, just couldn't remember the film. Thanks, I needed something fun to read

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  32. The poem was a master tasker but you made it through with humor!

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  33. Ha! Loved Paulie! Rude, crude and oh so much fun. Whenever I read your work, I find myself laughing as my free verse pen runs out of ink. Bravo! And thanks for the laugh. I needed it.

    Beth

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  34. haha:) this is great. i love the two voices battling it out, something strangely familiar about that...
    the ole bullshit line put me in stitches:)

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  35. Wow! Thought you were having an awfully bad day but caught on eventually. Funny!

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  36. Lol! I was confused until I got to the back to the future line since I just watched it again this week and then it all made sense. Very funny. This is actually a form called found poetry - no joke , I wrote one out of song lyrics a while back.

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  37. Hey yah Pat! Wowee wow! Lots of stuff going on in here...must have been pretty good though, since my synapses are still firing! Yikes, there goes another one! zzzaaappp! Kudos wordmeister! Roger ☺

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  38. hahahaha if I got that many insulters with that much foul stuff
    I guess I'd be doing something right getting them in a huff..hahahaha
    Yeah I hate when you remember the line or reference or whatever
    But just can't seem to place it ever

    The humor will help me make it through
    With no matter what I do..haha

    Yeah a bit more work then my usual fluff
    But it only took an extra rhyming puff..haha

    Glad a laugh could be had
    Especially if it was needed bad
    That free verse pen should be fixed now too
    So go be free you..haha

    haha yes the two voices are always in my head
    Boy do they bring me dread
    Yeah that line was great
    Get hit with the ball it did hate
    If you know the movie that is
    Otherwise its just the rhyming biz..haha

    hahahaha oh that would be a fun day
    If I caused all of this dismay
    And they insulted me
    Glad you weren't too confused at my sea

    Hmmmm never heard of found poetry at all
    Guess I used one I never knew at my stall
    haha Back to the future is damn good
    So help you catch on it should

    Yes tons going on here today
    As I go about my movie play
    Be cool if you got Zapped
    Or Zapped Again as my lips flapped
    Look two movie reference in one
    Even in the comment fun..haha

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  39. Pat, this pastor's wife and movie buff is once again laughing her ever-loving ass off at your writing. "I'm too old for this shit" and "...make like a tree and get out of here," two faves. Thanks for the fun! Amy

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  40. hahaha yeah when I get old
    That's one thin all will be told
    "I'm too old for this shit"
    Will be used for everything making them have a fit..hahaha
    Glad you found it fun
    And could get the references by the ton

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  41. Think I should have used the land of never never
    One day I may need to pull the Disney movie lever..haha

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  42. I think I was grinning too much while reading this! Your rhymes are awesome!

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  43. Bravo, You can really rhyme
    I bet it could happen on a dime
    Thanks for the reading
    I had trouble breathing!

    Just kidding but I did have to catch my breath a couple times. I am smiling. Great job! Well, hey you had your bleeps in there.

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  44. Look at you all sassy tonight
    watch out when Pat takes the mic
    You let'em have it with word guns blazin'
    Tonight I'm also singing your songs of praise cuz Mr. Hatt is telling it
    just like it is...

    :)

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  45. LOVED IT! That was awesome Pat!

    I'll never be able to watch a couple of these again without trying to rhyme the lines. :)

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  46. Sorry Patt, I just don't relate to this kind of stuff at all. I read it but I didn't like it. Sorry!

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  47. haha don't grin too much as you're face may get stuck
    Then you be calling me a ummm dirty duck..hahaha

    Yeah those bleeps were in there from the get go
    But I bleeped them out at my show
    Just in case
    Anyone came looking for more of a PG trace..haha

    haha I can tell it like it is
    Or twist it up with my rhyming biz
    Either way
    Should make for a fun day..haha

    hahaha thank God I can shut off the rhyme
    As it be a pain watching some of these and rhyming at the same time....haha

    Not a problem at all
    Some are into the movie stall
    Pretty hard to decipher too
    If movies aren't watched by you

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  48. This was a fun romp, Pat. It's chock full of fabulous one liners. I love it.

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  49. Yes stole many one liners from here and there in movie land
    Glad it was grand..haha

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  50. PAT - GET THE F##K OUT OF HERE!
    this ryhme is a cut above my friend
    you smash my funny bones to pieces and i definatley think we have tha same sense of humor! you are a legend - i am a refrence myster and for that reason your work is like a puzzle and believe me i love puzzles especially fun ones - love the persona behind this Pat (slim shady) Hatt took the mic and killed 8 miles of styles - - - peace

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  51. Another kaleidoscopic cornucopia of creativity.

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  52. That is some rhyme right here, nice work

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  53. haha ok I'll get the f**k out of here
    But then I might have a riot I fear
    As some might go through withdrawl from rhyme
    Thinking I comitted a crime
    Yes puzzles are great to do
    I do them too

    I know what your big words mean now
    hahaha never fear they work great any how..haha

    Always some rhyme
    Whether or not it's a crime
    I'll do it every time
    That is the end of this chime

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  54. Roses are red violets are blue
    I'm sick of saccharine sweet rhymes
    Gimmie some poo.

    Fertilize your flaccid verse
    and take your sweet time
    or Pat'll put you in a hearse
    for committing a rhyme crime.

    (sorry dude, I'm not so good at this - you slay me)

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  55. hahaha hey that worked really well
    Love the use of going for saccharine to poo, I must tell..haha
    Believe it or not I never used flaccid here before
    You gave me a new word to use at my shore..hahaha

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  56. fabulous rhyming skill as always :) ... and a difficult technique (the conversation) managed brilliantly through verse. great.

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  57. Yeah it was quite interesting to do
    But really wasn't that hard between me and you
    I have so many voice up there
    That I have some to spare..haha

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  58. Did you ever see the 30 Rock episode where we get to see how Kenneth sees the world and it turns out everyone is a singing muppet? I am morbidly curious to see the world through your eyes but I think it might require a pill (red or blue perhaps ;) Thanks for your generous fun and keep telling those critics what's what.

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  59. Believe it or not, I chanted this in rap
    And boy..it was fun.. not a load of c**p
    I loved this rhyming saga, and no, I ain't a dork
    But like you'd said, I'm a crazy person from New York :)

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  60. No I never saw that
    Sounds like it be interesting to the cat
    Yes my mind can go way way out there
    My pill is multicolored too
    So no red or blue
    Morpheus might not like that
    But tough luck for him, the critics, as on their behind they can fall flat..haha

    Ohhhh so you're the nut from New York you say
    Thanks for coming to play..hahaha
    You actually rapped it out
    Damn must have been quite the shout..haha

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