Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I Guess I'm Sunk. All I Have For dVerse Is Junk!

So Pat has about a hundred email addresses or so. Yes I know, the cat thinks it's nuts too. But lets pretend it was not heard by me or you. The cat logged into one, saw the build up of junk and figured I would have some fun. So if you can't guess the Face it Facts of this, you could be a tad slow or full of bliss. As you have no junk at all, what an email you have at your stall.

Buy Viagra now
It will surely make you meow
Along with max-gentleman enlargement pills
Did you know they contain rat shit, such thrills

This only happens once a year
Except tomorrow I get the same cheer
See how much you can save
We are surely all the rave

Say goodbye to bad hair days
And we'll even help with those greys
Newest laptops on sale
Our definition of new tends to fail

Cash advance loan
Forget that the interest will make you groan
Latin singles you'll want to meet
Even if they are a thousand miles from your feet

Herbs for dogs
Umm what next? Hogs?
What's hot
Clearly your not

$100,000 a year right now
Right! And I'm not a cat but a cow
Do you want to kill children
Stupid title made up by videogame men

Give yourself a break
Yeah read our crap that's fake
Dead relative left you dough
Turns out the relative was actually a crow

Real cash for free
If you pay a monthly fee
You won it
Yet here I still sit

We're giving you $1000 in free spins
But no matter who wins
You have to put money in to get money out
Plus fifty other rules we conveniently forgot to shout

Hook up tonight
And fight a disease the next night
Stay calm
This is sure to bomb

Compare forklift prices and save
Because everyone needs to dig a grave
Need your roof replaced
We'll do it with some silly paste

Much more for much less
It's shitty though we won't confess
Start dating today
The scary Internet way

Make $5,000 today
Maybe in some scammy way
Affordable dental plan
I know you're a fan

Credit car offer
With enough fees to fill a coffer
Stop stressing - start living
With this wonderful thing we're giving

Why work for peanuts
Yeah join us, be nuts
Earn a degree while you work
But you might have to lurk

Your dream vacation is finally here
Wait! In my head did you peer?
Football is back
No rock to live under at my shack

Making money from home
Might shrink your retirement dome
You are being searched for
By scary people and many more

King Abubu wants to send you some dough
His cash flow never seems to run low
Lock in your spot
Even though there is a lot

You've been personally invited
By some guy you never even sighted
Don't take it personally
We are just doing you a courtesy

Name brand tires
Why not name brand wires
Someone sent you a message
Guess that means I am a presage

As I know it is junk
Like all the other gunk
That goes plunk
Into the abyss with a slam dunk

I know I really sunk to a new low with my latest dVerse show. Delving into all the trash. Who is in charge of taking out the garbage at this bash? Maybe if you emptied them more, this would never have shown up on my floor. Brian, did you not allocate this task? Or was it Claudia too busy drinking from her flask? Okay I am through taking my junk pass and off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

54 comments:

  1. hook up tongiht fight a disease the next night, ha got that right, and not even the enlargo pills will kill those ills, burns worse than realising you great aunt is not name shakinah living in equador with money to send happy americans, but a fat man in brooklyn running scams, oh dang man let me get that trash can seems to have over flown all over your verse, but better or worse, i say you spin better of course, peace out brother cat, you the bush where it at....

    ReplyDelete
  2. do you see that,
    must have caught the other taking a nap
    been a while since i'z first up to bat...

    ReplyDelete
  3. haha...have you been looking in my box of spam?
    it can be a little jammed
    with a bunch of whim wham
    makes you want to give the door a slam.
    Hitting delete
    is kind of neat
    not giving in to their treats!

    The one I get the most
    is the pleading letter from the host
    saying they are stuck at the airport
    and someone stole their passport
    along with their wallet or purse
    and they are about to cry and curse
    So please wire them lots of money
    and they will be grateful and call you honey.
    lol...

    ReplyDelete
  4. aw, Bri stole first from me
    guess I went on too long, so I'll let it be.
    lol...

    ReplyDelete
  5. you got junk, I got nothing. but really, if it is gmail, there is no junk, zip, zero, nil. hey, I got some rhyme!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeah been a while since you beat your twin to the punch
    Guess she was typing and eating lunch
    I'll avoid those ills
    They aren't worth any length of thrills
    That fat man
    Can get shoved in a garbage can
    Stinking scammy people ruin it for all
    I hope they take a great big humpty dumpty fall

    Good catch
    They were taking a nap or playing fetch
    Either way you got first
    With your delightful burst

    Yes it does get rather jammed
    And crammed
    Up the ying yang
    With all kinds of bull people hang
    Yes delete is fun
    Ignoring the crap they spun

    Oh I got that one too
    Sure the fat man in Brooklyn hopes to trick you
    Seen a couple of scammy whammy nuts in my day
    Oh the lines they try to use to get you to play..haha

    haha let him have his day
    Soon I'm sure you'll be first my way

    You rhymed, wasn't that fun
    See I knew it could be done
    So Google gives you nil you say
    I think I have one of those I never checked in tons of days

    ReplyDelete
  7. who knew there such a load of trash
    in my inbox email, that i get a rash
    deleting them. no i never believe cash
    though free, is real. its all hog-wash~

    see you later ~

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hog wash indeed
    No matter how they plead
    Just some dirty ****
    Looking for a quick buck

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow, we must share a similar inbox, or at least on similar mailing lists- nice corral here, definitely a case of using the clutter to not let you sputter, turning the muck around and making them less suck. By the way, side note, while I love twitter, I've noticed a 1000x influx of spam mail, not sure if there's a connection but I do believe so, so just explain that to the cat, and he'll understand why you've so many email addresses, wish I would have known that before the tweet, now between that and google's ignores, i guess I'm beat- lol.. Great D'verse write, for today's Open Link Night

    ReplyDelete
  10. My favorite one lately tells me
    that my best career change would be
    to start over in social work.
    Uhm, I already tried that and went broke, jerk! :)

    Fun rhyme. Really liked this one. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh yes twitter does send a ton your way
    And if you unclick the crap that sends stuff to your bay
    They make your account not show
    When a new message you want to flow
    Yeah my main one gets less crap
    Thanks to the ton of extra emails filling the junk gap
    And you rhymed the whole way through
    hahaha look at you

    hahaha went broke
    Yet some dumb bloke
    Won't give up
    Maybe it was just a hiccup..haha

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Start dating today
    The scary Internet way"

    That's freaking hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  13. hahaha prob not if your the scaree
    Could be rather hairy
    Damn that's a whole different kettle of fish
    I'll stop before I ruin someones internet wish

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well in the old days we got lots of it in paper, at least that we've saved.
    Excellent write as always, Pat.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am sooooo sick of junk mail. No, I don't want to click here to see how much you want ME to pay you!
    Touch my junk... you can have it all, with pleasure, or Viagra whatever!!! LOLOL
    Nice one!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ain't it the truth. Scary to think there are obviously people who fall for that stuff ... scarier to realize they may also be voters!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Good way to look at it
    If it was all in paper I'd have a fit

    Nah I have enough junk
    And the rumor I'll debunk
    No need for Viagra here
    Everything still works and is in the right gear..haha

    haha true thinking of them as voters would be scary indeed
    Or maybe they want to make the news feed
    And get some seconds of fame
    Saying they falled for some scammy game

    ReplyDelete
  18. All you have is junk huh? Well, it's certainly a common state of things these days...bloody spammers!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Quite irritating. Thankfully most ends in my spam box, which I periodically look at to make sure there is nothing good. Free money. Jobs. Viagara. Trips. Real Estate. Your poem said so much so well. Thanks, Pat!

    ReplyDelete
  20. haha it's not all I have in my crap
    I just ignore the good stuff and went on the junk lap
    And bloody spammers indeed
    Hope the bloody bleed...haha

    Yeah most goes there too
    But as with you I look through
    For you never know if something is good
    And be in your inbox it should
    Glad it said it well
    Even if the junk does make one go what the hell

    ReplyDelete
  21. Pat...I laugh
    and laugh some more
    Much needed reprieve
    On my overworked floor
    My inbox stays clean
    Free of obscene
    For I tend to blush
    If I receive too much
    These sweet virgin ears
    Have nothing to fear
    But if I miss a note
    It's in my junk mail tote!
    Between you and me
    And this commenting spree
    I've been a very, very busy bee
    So excuse my lateness
    For your rhyming greatness
    As I work to sell
    My god, it's been hell!
    But it is what it is
    And I'm at where I'm at
    And that my dear cat
    is a just Face it Fact!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I really liked this one, Pat! I think you about covered it all, sharp social commentary....Enjoyed this.

    Lady Nyo

    ReplyDelete
  23. hahaha virgin ears you say
    That just makes my day
    I guess they can fake it
    And pretend not to hear a cursing fit..haha
    Hey no problem with being late
    To my ever rhyming gate
    Sure work can be a pain in the butt
    And a kick to the gut
    Yep it is what it is and more
    SSDD also here at my shore
    And that Face it Fact is easy to see
    Hopefully you lose a "very" in your status as a busy bee..haha

    Oh I'm sharp today
    With the rhymes I lay
    That is so nice
    I read it twice..haha
    Glad it was enjoyed by you
    As my junk flew

    ReplyDelete
  24. Wow! Well, holy mackerel, good thing you qualified that "kill the chilren" question, or I'd swear if we typed this backward it might read 'Paul is dead.' You are very entertaining. Thanks for the humorous read. =)

    ReplyDelete
  25. hahahahaah..... PAT! Absolutely true and genius! I think that every high school kid should be given this poetic instruction before we release them into the real world so that they can beware of the endless CRAP that is out here.... good job! I get so tired of people hawking crap and baloney and King Abubu made me fall out of my chair! Very funny....

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yeah I figured I better say something abotu the kill the children thing
    As that was obviously a marketing ploy to get one to read what they bring
    haha reading it backwards would be fun
    Although pills might have to be popped by the ton

    Endless crap is quite correct
    If they knew this they might not stand so cocky and erect
    haha yes King Abubu has that affect of people it seems
    Whether funny to some or bringing misery to others who fell for his schemes.

    ReplyDelete
  27. What, no "You can have a bigger penis now" or "breast enhancement" or "miracle bra" blandishments, bro?!?

    And they promised us that spam would become a thing of the past by now! Too may 90-day profits in it, I guess. But wait -- there's MORE! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  28. hahaha the viagra and mens enlargement thing was enough
    As there are like 50 different ways they promote that stuff
    I couldn't bear to go through all of that
    It could just blind the cat..haha
    More empty promises I guess
    As spam is still quite the mess
    Yes there is always MORE
    And other stuff GALORE..haha

    ReplyDelete
  29. Why work for peanuts
    Yeah join us, be nuts

    laughed and laughed...

    hear me, sir
    you are causing a stir
    my mind used to be clear
    now it is full of rhyming fear

    ReplyDelete
  30. ha, love how you spin junk into poetry, as always, smiles...

    ReplyDelete
  31. hahaha my rhymes are cast
    And in your mind they run so vast
    Don't worry it hopefully won't last
    But I can't say they'll go away fast..haha

    Yes can take junk
    And give it some rhyming funk

    ReplyDelete
  32. Pretty awesome rhyming,
    but I can't beat your timing

    Now I have the poet's virus and
    it might be here to stay.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Real cash for free
    If you pay a monthly fee...

    Isn't that the truth? Those spammers-- uncouth.

    ReplyDelete
  34. social network, email junk boxes and dating the internet way this is all way too funny this is great and a really humorous way to look at this thanks for sharing
    http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/09/13/a-new-life-begins/

    ReplyDelete
  35. haha I gave you a virus you say
    Oops sorry for the dismay
    And glad my rhyming
    Had such nice chiming...haha

    Yep exactly the truth
    Whether from Frank or Ruth
    Still full of crap
    And then some on their scammy lap

    Yeah I tend to look at things in a rather different way
    Here as I rhyme and play
    Except internet dating is just scary altogether
    So that is something I don't want to weather..haha

    ReplyDelete
  36. Thank you for the full throttle laughs tonight, I desperately needed them. Several laugh out loud verses in this one.

    ReplyDelete
  37. hey Mr pat hatt with a jolly ol cat
    coming to you is loadsa laughter and funny chitchat
    felt too lazy to pen anything this week
    and settled for a dverse reading spree quick
    thought to begin with you and some rhyming
    and even before I could read I start grinning
    it's so much like my spam box
    for me, it's mostly million dollar win and anti aging pill talks
    internet dating and all other endless crap
    whatever it is, thanks for making me smile in a snap!

    ReplyDelete
  38. LOL! This is what happens when you read your SPAM. :)

    ReplyDelete
  39. Hehe..Interesting!! Never though spam could make muse.. Its a such a pain to see our inbox filled with mess everyday.. cool theme.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Have you been reading my email? What a wonderful rhyming riot! Thanks for the smiles. :D

    ReplyDelete
  41. haha glad I gave you a laugh or two
    Especailly if they were needed by you

    Wow you gave quite the spiel
    Keeping it very real
    Too lazy you say
    I guess you saved it up when you came my way
    Yes I think many can relate
    As they open their spam box gate

    I only read the titles of it
    Then delete it with a little bit of a fit

    Oh my muse can strike up a cord with most things
    I just let it go and see what it brings

    No I don't email stalk
    One junk walk
    Is quite enough
    More would get rough..haha

    ReplyDelete
  42. Hey! Your followers hit over one hundred!
    Some are even wearing red.
    Guess they couldn't resist what they read
    couldn't get it out of their head
    to turn away would cause them dread
    maybe even give them bedhead
    guess they all loved the rhymes you do
    I'm sure each one is dear to you.
    lol

    ReplyDelete
  43. I feel your pain, Pat, with the junk. Keep it coming!!!

    ReplyDelete
  44. Wow! art out of all that junk, digging up and out through the funk, great fun as always!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Yes now at 104
    They just keep coming at my shore
    Not sure being unable to resist me is good
    As a pill popper they could
    Soon become
    Thanks to my little rhyming bum..haha

    Yes such a pain
    Makes one pop a vein
    And oh it will keep on coming
    With the rhymes I'm strumming

    Yep the junk can be good for one thing at least
    Giving me a rhyming feast..haha

    ReplyDelete
  46. I find so much enjoyment when reading your words, this no exception. The creativity in the comments to follow are a real testament to how your words inspire. Enjoy you always ~ Rose

    ReplyDelete
  47. Yep the comments are rather creative too
    Which are so fun to view
    Glad you can enjoy the cat
    Forget about Pat..haha

    ReplyDelete
  48. I think it's messed up that the email account I created just for "secure" servers to make purchases from major companies is the one that gets all the spam -Not the one I display on my blog, not the one I use to contact editors and friends.

    ReplyDelete
  49. hahaha that is messed up for sure
    I guess they need to look up the definition of secure
    But those so called major companies sell your inof anyway
    That's prob why you have spam coming your way

    ReplyDelete
  50. You DID have a lot of e-mail to sort through. At least you had some fun doing it. :)

    poetrypastiche.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  51. Lately, I'm getting more junk than ever
    and really I don't click on links. Never.
    But I suppose they just don't care.
    As long as enough buyers don't beware.

    (I thought I would try another rhyme.
    Perhaps I'll give it more umph next time.)

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  52. haha I just glanced through it
    Then hit delete after my rhyming fit

    Yeah I guess when you send out millions a week
    Someone who's not a geek
    Will fall for it once or twice
    They just roll the dice
    Nothing wrong with your rhyme at all
    Thanks for giving the cat a call

    ReplyDelete
  53. I am a Nigerian prince.
    My offer will not make you wince.
    It isn't so hard,
    just give me your card
    And you will never see me since.

    ReplyDelete
  54. hahaha yeah and I'll go broke
    Thanks to some scammy bloke
    Already had my card stolen once
    But some dirty rotten dunce..haha

    ReplyDelete