Saturday, September 10, 2011

News Flash! People Seem To Be Getting Some Sort of Rash!

So today I'm going to go on about a certain thing at my lawn. The Face it Facts are easy to find. So even you can keep up with my little rhyming behind. Now as I was saying......

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a SPECIAL NEWS REPORT
Sorry if you are missing Judge Judy and her court

"This is Mike Hunt here, reporting like I fear. Damn it! It will not stop. This whole telecast is going to be a flop."

"Sally Hornie here and you will have to excuse my collegue today. He is just full of dismay. God! I hate this rhyme play. It is all we can do at our bay. I sound so happy and gay when really my hair is beginning to fray. So before I have more rhymes to say. Let us go out to the field with Jim James, Go!, Make hay!"

"Thank you Sally! It seems from every land and valley, this rhyming affliction or maybe addiction is spreading across the world like a plague. It's so annoying, so I will let the people talk, starting with this old hag."

"Even with my bum hip I can take you sonny. I will whack you with my cane and take your money. Maybe give you a whiff of my diaper too. Sometimes I just can't make it to the loo"

"Okay! That's quite enough out of her. Let us move on to others and hope they don't slur. Oh I hate this almost makes me want to hiss."

"Dude! This is so totally out there dude. I heard it started from something rude. Like Dude! Some gas from some little rhyming ass. Dude! Do you think like the ass is so small it could go in your ear dude? Then like float around being all rude, in your brain. Then dude! It would fart like rain and dude! It would go out the other side inflicting some other poor dude. Dude! I may have just solved it, aren't I a shrewd dude! Dude!"

"Someone better stop this bleeping bleep fast. Or I will bleeping shoot every bleeping bleep that rhymes until I'm the bleeping last. That will cure this bleeping bleep and stop my bleeping fit. Why are you bleeping me out. I say bleeping bleeping bleep all the bleeping bleep I want to in my bleeping shout. Get out of my bleeping way or I will bleeping kill you in a not so nice bleeping way. Bleep a duck. Hey You! Get out of my bleeping truck!"

"I love this bloody stuff. It's like every bloody wanker is happy as they huff and puff. Although no one seems to want a bloody orange any more. I guess the rhymes make those bugger off because they are a bloody chore. You can't rhyme the bloody things. Look at that bloody fool, he thinks he has wings."

"Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie. No it's my turn Timmy. I want to rhyme. Mom! Timmy is hogging the mic all the time. Mom! She's touching me. I want to be girl cootie free. Mom! It's my turn. Mom! She had her turn and I want to make people learn. Mom! She kicked me in the bum. Mom! Timmy is just acting dumb."

"Turn that frown upside down. Walk with Frodo the clown all over town. I'll make you a balloon animal or two and perform a magic trick for you. What are you all going on about? Hey! What is with the pout? Wait! Why is everyone talking like me? This sure is a sight to see."

"All this rhyming is quite simple. Some stupid little brat with a pimple did not do his job and maintain the food supply. Then he gave some stupid lie and the food shipped out as it always does. Now we're in the land that never was. All important sections of are brain have melted away from something which I am going to dub here today, as mad rhyme disease. I think it even attracts fleas."

"So there you have it. I just let all the people have a fit. This is just hell. I am out for the count, ring the damn bell. Back to you in the studio. I have nothing more to show."

"Still no solid evidence on what could be causing this disease. Not here or over seas. So if you are still speaking normally and have yet to change. Lock the doors, bolt the windows and hide on your range. That is all the advice we can give unless rhyming forever is how you want to live."

"Something I would not advise. It hurts the head and the eyes. This is Mike Hunt leaving you now."

"And Sally Hornie still trying to stop rhyming some how."

"Armaggedon is upon us for real. Independance day with damn aliens screwing with us is how I feel. Could be the dawn of the dead. As our brains are led, into the unknown and The Postman is all alone. Living in Rhymingland is not grand. Let us hope the Day After Tomorrow is not as bland and we can get back to telling people to pound sand."

We now return you to your regular scheduled programy
I bet they won't hit the Whammy

Yeah I know. I was mean today at my show. Saying all those bad things about a daydreamertoo, Betsy's with hiccups and tongues that go blue. Brian and the weather. Claudia and some annoying feather. That Ed guy, although it might have been a lie. Some ocean girls and others that do twirls. Something about Zen and flags in her backyard pen. Bah I can't repeat it all again, that might just piss off some more men and women. Hope you enjoyed my sass. What was that lass? It got cut off by some disease that won't pass? Well wasn't that a rude thing to do to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

18 comments:

  1. smiles...love to find some familiar faces in your rhymes pat...think i go and make some hay now...maybe that's the key for good rhymes...haha...actually, i'm invited at a wedding...so no hay for today so to say ...

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  2. haha making hay hmmm you new know
    Could help the rhymes grow
    But you don't need hay just rice
    Or whatever the stuff is they throw at weddings to be nice..haha

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  3. "Although no one seems to want a bloody orange any more."

    That cracked me up!

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  4. Well, bleeping bloody orange!
    Sounds like you need a lozenge.
    Maybe that will cure the disease
    or at least give you manners and you'll say 'please'
    What's wrong with a few girl cooties?
    Will they make you shake in your booties?
    If you make me a balloon animal can I choose
    one that looks just like a goose?
    Since that's what my hiccups sound like
    you can keep the clown on the bike.
    hahaha

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  5. oh, the names...we once had a guy announce over the intercom for a few, oh when he realised what he said he blew, his top...The Postman is one of my fav movies of all time, no joke...i thought frodo was a hobbits, looking for preciousssssss

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  6. haha yes it just doesn't work with much
    That when the world rhymes the poor oranges lose their touch

    hahaha yeah that sorta works a bit
    That and door hinge or floor hinge or something like that are the only ones I can think of for it
    Oh and I'll never say please
    What are you trying to prove..geez
    Depends on who it is
    If I go in the cooties biz
    Scary or nut job one no way
    I'll hide in the bush at my bay
    hahahaha I might be able to do a goose
    Or maybe just a moose
    Being canadian and all
    The clown I already scared away from my stall

    hahaha yes sometimes it takes a second to clue in
    That what you said could be seen as a sin
    Yes The Postman is damn good one
    Up there with the ones I like, of course theres a ton
    Yeah the hobbit strayed off the path
    When he felt the rhyming wrath

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  7. Good to see the familiar faces mentioned. And as usual it is hilarious!

    Hank

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  8. Interesting piece you've done this time. Infusing a poem with news movies reality and rhyme. Love the references galore from porky's, or was it the Simpsons, when Bart callee moe and asked if anyone had seen to those you clearly spelled finishing off with a press your luck whammy sell. Mad rhyme disease, hmm. Perhaps it too will spread, and sooner than later Jason Bourne will act all melodramatic when he is told that pepper Potts has passed from this realm but not to fret, no not at all for ray Langston will see things through for all, perhaps with some help from the law, yep the one the Beatles tried to call, for the queen too is also stunned by how a pen can change the words just a hum and spin the Same yarn tootsie told years ago, rhyme disease might make you sneeze but then again it may make you go, yet all's fair rhyme and prose....infected. Bit long but fun indeed I may be, but where there's a word, there's a rhyme in need. Another great write pat, as u can tell it prompted a flurry of thoughts in me

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  9. haha yeah came up with it last night will I slept
    In my head it crept
    Sad but true
    And threw in a bunch to make fun of a tad it's true..haha

    Damn that was quite the yarn
    As big as a barn
    Very fun to read
    From CSI to ironman
    And Tootsie who really needed a tan
    Porky's of course
    Love that one without remorse
    Peephole and lassie
    Plus the office scene was anything but classy
    Glad I infected you
    It was a fun comment view

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  10. OMgoodness I have tears in me eyes from laughing so much ~!!
    I started off smiling but...
    This is what did it for me: "I love this bloody stuff. It's like every bloody wanker is happy as they huff and puff" I haven't seen nor heard that expression in the longest of time. LOL it just cracked me right up and I laughed so hard, I couldn't tell my min-monster what was so funny... Well, she's only 15 and I don't want her knowing those expressions yet ..I know, I know, she's 15 going on 21 and knows all the swear words now but...not within my hearing distance anyways!.LOL
    Still wiping the tears of laughter from me eyes here... Good grief, need a pill now to settle petal. ;)

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  11. hahahaha some guy was ranting the other night calling me a wanker and everything
    So I decided I'd use it for the rhyme I bring
    As it was just too funny not to use
    haha yeah very true your mini monster has heard all the words that abuse
    haha I brought tears too
    Damn I'm good with the news flash crew
    Pop that pill
    To settle yourself down from my bloody rhyming sil..haha

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  12. 'dude' and 'beeping' cracked up my mind :P
    good rhyming as always :) :)

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  13. haha yeah the dude was rather shrewd
    And the bleeping one can make out the words that are crude and rather rude..haha

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  14. Bleeping bleepin loved your bleeping bleep

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  15. Well what if I don't give a bleep
    I suppose I better or you might kill a duck
    hmmmm did that rhyme
    Or was it a crime

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  16. you may be the only one who rhyme and have had a grand time.

    rhyme on.

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  17. Greetings:

    We are celebrating one year anniversary, wish to say thank you for the support in the past year, it would be a delight to have you share a piece of poetry with us today , any poems or Haiku, old or new are welcome…Please feel free to join us and get some feedback!

    You Deserve The Best!

    Bless your Monday!
    Cheers….
    Jingle Poetry Community

    xoxox

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  18. Sure will rhyme on
    From dusk to dawn

    Happy anniversary to you
    But sadly it is true
    The cat doesn't like to share
    Except for maybe some loose hair

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