Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting, Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, It's dVerse Dating!

I wonder where your mind went when you saw the title I sent. Actually scratch that, it could not be any worse then the mind of the cat. But alas the Face it Facts of this one are not of an intimate sort. Let's see if you can get what I did at my fort.

Damn! I need to make a call.               Oh what's some radiation.
Where is a phone booth stall.              So what if it leads to castration.
I hear some guy changes in these.       I like my cell phone.
In winter things must freeze.               It always lets me bitch and groan.

Stop being so fizzy.                                      You don't have to go far.
My three whole channels make me dizzy.      Mine's as big as your car.
Why is life in black and white?                      50,000 channels from porn to grass.
That Godzilla suit sure is a fright.                   Just makes it easier to sit on your ass.

Why would you want that?                    Can fit in my pocket too.
It's as big as a flat.                               From anywhere I can track you.
Joshua has no need to play a game.      An instant rock star I can be.
Just drop the thing and it will maim.       Just have to strip and show my booty.

Stand and try to smile.                        Can go all snap happy.
This could take a while.                       Whether fun or sappy.
An hour goes by and wait for it.            With a phone, a button, even a pen.
No wonder you look cranky a bit.          Who's watching you in your den?

I don't have a match.                              Spins on a plate.
Guess we'll have to waste this batch.       Gut its fate.
Or just eat it raw.                                   A fact many seem to neglect.
Rubbing two sticks worked, Hurrah!         As chin and tummy begin to intersect.

What is that smell?                           Rubber as far as the eye can see.
We need to excel.                             Helping you with your shopping spree.
If only we had a few more horses.       While sucking you dry at the pump.
Or alternate fuel sources.                   Be safer to stay home and hump.

Slap your behind down.          Nice and white. 
Viewable to the whole town.    What a delight.
As the waste builds below.      And paper too.
Hey! We've all got to go.         The best idea that grew.

Dear editor you suck.                                     I really hate this crap.
I hate my luck.                                              Seconds later, poof in a blog lap.
By the time you read this I'll be a year older.    Connected instantly world wide.
And you sir, will be no bolder.                         Oops I may have lied.

Yet no matter the time.
No matter the reason or rhyme.
Today or way back when.
All is said through pen.

So their is my dVerse showing, by now you should be one of the knowing. But if you are still a tad confused and once again feel abused, never fear, as things will become clear. As time goes on and ideas begin to dawn. That's the best hint you'll get from me, at least for free. What? You still want a date lass? I think you really misunderstood my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

64 comments:

  1. I think I'd prefer most of my choices -- but not the "toilet" pair! -- from Column A, not Column B... but there's no going back. Quite a nice comparison between the so-called "Good Old Days" and modern times.

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  2. Been quite a while since the Grammar Nazi was first
    Bah you spoiled it with your burst
    Now others won't get confused
    I feel so abused..hahaha

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  3. Now, now, I think you're underestimating your readers! Ha!

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  4. you know, this would sound positively lovely if you were to rap it in a video :P

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  5. haha I guess some will catch on
    But you could have spoiled it for that one with 11 cats running across her lawn
    I'm not so sure about her
    She seems to be buried in a ton of fur..haha

    Oh God me and rap
    Plus a video to fill the gap
    That would look quite funny for sure
    I think I'll stick to the blogland tour..haha

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  6. A video would be awesome though!

    P. S. I found a video of my brother rapping. That might be my next blog war item LOL!

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  7. Uh-oh! I can't wait until "that one with 11 cats running across her lawn" weighs in on this! You'd better hide under Bush #3!

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  8. But Gaga could help u and Lil Wane
    why not hop onto the hip hop train?
    we could dress u up in bling bling
    and u'd be the next big rapping thing!

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  9. At first I thought it was a new form, a long lost sestina or something! But I still love it, even though there are some I have no idea what you are talking about. I was the confused reader if not for the tip. So no dating tonight?

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  10. Thanks for the clue, Mr Silver Fox
    Now I see the contrast of pace and time
    between column A and B. Nice rhyming
    post to waiting and hurrying in title post.
    Just don't get where the "dating" fits in?
    Maybe poetry mingling and singing in Pub ...
    :-)

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  11. hahaha a video will never blow
    Unless I hire a stand in to give it a go..haha
    haha that should be good for your blog war
    Adding another "take that" to your shore

    Bah she's too busy with all the kitties to bother me
    She will never be able to break free
    As all the fur will continue to fly
    Straight into the sky

    haha God that would be a sight
    I'd have to do it under the darkness of night
    Although the bling might show
    Still say that be a new low

    haha Yay I confused
    Now I don't feel so abused
    Nope new form just my ranting crap
    Here as I take another dVerss lap
    Nope screw the dating
    That I'm hating..haha

    See Fox you gave them a clue
    When they came to view
    But at least you helped them see
    The contrast given by me
    Oh and the dating is easy when you think about it
    For in my little fit
    One time to another time
    Meaning I was "dating" such things as I rhyme

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  12. Very clever! This needs to be set to music. :)

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  13. It is incredible how you manage to rhyme with seemingly little effort.

    I am impressed.

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue.
    You mentioned porn,
    And now I'll have to follow you. :D

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  14. i take a little of both you know, that is the way i roll on foot the future the other in yesterday, simple is the equation, and destination so what ever days you choose its not win or lose but that you dont snooze thru life, cause that is strife...

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  15. It would be interesting indeed
    To make it a musical feed
    But then I'd scare all away
    And cause many ears dismay..haha

    Yes very little effort it seems to take now
    Just comes out some how
    hahaha so a follow is born
    All from the mention of porn..haha

    Yeah a little of both is good
    Except for the outhouse made of wood
    That you can keep all to yourself
    Never want that at my shelf
    If you snooze you lose
    So don't just set it on cruise

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  16. It's a little of both that I like too
    just like my twin, in case you're confused.
    old fashioned values with modern technology
    would have to be my philosophy.

    Now what's all this about buried in fur?
    If I get to pet them all can you hear the purr
    Way over there in Nova Scotia?
    yep..the sounds would be as big as the ocean.

    Very clever rhyme you did
    now for teasing I hope you hid!
    I'm not too busy to come for a visit
    and bring a gift that will cause a fit.
    lol...

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  17. Hey, if you're going to rap
    do it in a Sam Adams snap
    that would be better than Lil Wayne
    and might cause you less pain.

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  18. LOL!! I love how when I read this I find myself tapping my foot to a beat that doesn't exist!

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  19. haha not sure there is value in my rant and rave
    But beats hiding out in a cave
    Modern crap is great in part
    But some of it is just an unwanted fart
    So good philosophy to choose
    With it you shouldn't lose

    I'm sure with that many the purr would blur
    And one big sound would come along with some fur
    Wouldn't have to cross an ocean to get here though
    At least depending on which way they go..haha

    Bah I have my traps to take care of you
    And if all else fails I'll climb in my bush's crack and hide from view
    Oh that sounded bad
    But you know the kind of bush at my pad..haha

    Yes that would be better than Lil Wayne
    But I'd still pop a vein
    So no way will I do that
    I'll just be a typing rhyming cat..haha

    See i can make people tap their foot as I go
    And with no music to show
    Hope your leg didn't get sore
    As you took my rhyming tour

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  20. A rhyming blog?
    I freekin love it
    Consider me following

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  21. Yep, I could just put them on a ferry
    and they'd be there in a hurry!
    I'll tell them to just sniff for chicken and Heinz
    and look for the bush with a behind.

    Look in the crack?
    I'd never do that at your shack.
    So hidden you would stay
    because looking could cause dismay!

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  22. Showing the love of my rhyme
    That's a fun time
    Following too
    How nice of you

    hahaha yeah but why would they make such a trip
    When your zoo is so hip
    They already have free food
    And can have fun times playing with a whole brood..haha

    See so you'd never find me
    That causes such glee
    I could even be in a tree
    And you would still flee
    Thinking I was in the bush
    Hiding in it's tush..haha

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  23. lol...for those who don't know what we're talking about, a bush tush must be making them blush. ha.

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  24. A "bush tush?"
    "Making them blush"
    So their face starts to flush?
    Please don't push.
    There's no need to rush!
    (But you might need a brush...)

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  25. I have to say I found the format a bit tough. I wasn't sure which way to read it. BUT, once I figured it out, I really enjoyed it. I agree with the others, it is a bit of both... the good and the bad of life. Fun write.

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  26. Yes those not in the know
    Might think we're nuts and get up and go
    Oh wait! I'm already crazy.
    At least I'm not too lazy..haha

    Oh going all eye rhyme once more
    With a few in the "ush" tour
    Yeah not pushing as you try to go in
    There is not much room in the crack at my bush bin..haha

    Yeah at first glance it's like WTF
    But then you get it hits you like a truck
    Both are fine
    Together they can be divine

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  27. I like the 2 columns form. I can read it line by line from left to right, stanza by stanza left to right, or one column at a time. As for the theme: I'd like a little of both, please. I dream of humanity finding a way to live close to the earth, yet not at its mercy!

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  28. i love the irreverence in this, from radiation to porn and grass channels. this is definitely one of my favorites of yours. the best: dear editor you suck.
    hahaha! i love any line i have said verbatim from time to time:)

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  29. You know I never read it side to side
    But it does kind of work and glide
    Nice observation you gave
    Here at my rhyming cave
    A little of both seems to be the norm
    Here as people go about my two column form

    haha my psychic powers stole that line from you
    Funny how little lines some have used too
    Sure they aren't in rhyme
    Although that is also fun from time to time
    Yes used many little things
    As I spread my dVerse wings

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  30. so can i get a date with that cat....? smiles

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  31. And when the cat starts turning black,
    you'll wish you had the title back.

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  32. haha still after all of that
    You want a date with the cat
    What am I do to with you
    And no a date is not due..haha

    Sure I can keeps things on track
    So the title doesn't cause too much flack
    And need to come back
    At my shack..haha

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  33. Oh, Orlin...have the date!
    Claudia is gorgeous at any rate.
    I bet she'd stroke your soft fur
    and whisper German in your ears.

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  34. I agree, this need music, maybe an 80's rap video lol :)

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  35. Better to stay home and do WHAT!?? :) :)

    Happy birthday, I think? Thou who art a year older. Much wiser, much bolder.

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  36. hahaha Orlin stays hidden away
    To many germs at play
    germs - german hmmm see that
    hahaha oh had to be done by the cat

    haha wow going way back
    For a rap attack

    Do what you ask
    Hmmm sure you know the task..haha
    No birthday here
    Don't know where you got that cheer..haha

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  37. Oh My God how should I read this from left to right? from north to south?
    You, so baaad!

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  38. Fun write- very clever, I really thought you were pulling down the 3min dating scene lever, but then after title changed all that- and believe me I could've used some dating advice from a cat- but yeah I loved all the snippets- very good as usual

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  39. have you ever thought of writing a short rhyme? I wonder if it'd have the same affect?

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  40. So many comments, I just scrolled down without reading... I love the dichotomy of these two world views. Old-fashioned vs. New-fangled. Give me old fashioned slow cooking, a peaceful wood fire, and no gadgets buzzing in my pocket any time. Nicely done, Brian!
    PS every time you write "my little rhyming ass," I remember our cat, Missy, who used to say (via my cat voice): "Kiss my BUTT!" Eventually it became simply, "My BUTT!" said at any time, in any context, and we all crack up.

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  41. Yes, I can see this set to music. As a rap.... and you with your little rhyming ass hanging out you baggy assed jeans ....lol
    Yo moma.. bring it on!!
    You rock!!

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  42. Another interesting and timely write.
    Pat Hatt, you are really quite bright,

    but I will admit that in some ways I'm confused
    but on the other hand thoroughly amused.

    A visit to your blog is always worth while
    as it has its own individual and unique style

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  43. Be safer to stay home and hump...my solution for everything !

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  44. I like a bit of old and new, too,
    but don't like to think of being watched...ew.
    once again you've made us spin
    and with your rhymes we all win :)

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  45. Pat, you have the grammarphobe's sweatshirt, t-shirt, business cards, mug AND pen! Great job!

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  46. Thank GAWD for Fox
    or I'd be lost!
    Where do you find the time
    to write a book and go to work
    then still come back and rhyme!
    You are my hero, a real class act
    and leader of the Face it Facts
    You'll do know wrong
    in this poet's song
    I'll rhyme all night
    till the day is long!
    But on to others I must go
    as always I enjoyed the show!

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  47. I think you traveled through time,
    and it was rather sublime,
    From three channels on the set,
    to surfing porn on the net.
    Although I was confused at the start,
    I enjoyed the "staying at home" part,
    and whether my phone fits a pocket,
    or a Winnebago sized locket,
    and if I want to become famous
    like old Andy or Amos,
    I'll be sure to share booty
    with cats who have cooties,
    And I will certainly say
    but in full disgrace
    my chin went away
    when my tummy took it's place.
    And when all is done and been said,
    your words having soaked in my head,
    I find with the greatest pleasure,
    and by the terms of greatest measure,
    That once upon a time and once yet again,
    I have been dazzled by your magnificent pen.

    Fun! is what life is about! Bunches of fun Pat!

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  48. I think it's perfect for a rap video too. Nice fun read.

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  49. Very nice...the old...the new...clever !

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  50. Yet another unbelieveable rhyming poem, and is it a cleave poem as well --- boggles my mind Pat! I can't imagine how you manage this week after week --- what a brain you have!I think it's too late for mine tonight.

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  51. oh my word ... how (absurd)ly creative!!
    Really cool.

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  52. But I don't want to fall!

    Your mind just keeps bouncing along to new and clever little bits of fun for the crowd. I'd applaud, but I think I'd look odd clapping for my computer screen, honestly...

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  53. I reckon you actually speak in rhyming couplets all the time, like Etrigan the Rhyming Demon.

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  54. haha confused you in all directions
    kind of like elections

    hahaha oh God know
    One day I may break and do dating at my show
    LOL no my dating advice would suck
    You be better off asking a duck

    hey I did a 55 word one
    That came out just as fun

    Thanks for that
    From the cat

    Yes could take a while to read them all
    The list is getting quite tall
    My two world views seems a hit
    Yes that sounds like a nice place with the fire lit
    Although nicely done Brian?
    I think you are confused or lying..haha
    hahaha I write little rhyming ass in every post
    So you may always feel your kitties ghost

    hahaha screw those baggy assed jeans
    Those can remain on nutso teens
    I won't bring it on
    The rap stuff can stay on some one elses lawn

    Timely write
    That was a nice little insight
    I have fun with confusion
    It just creates an allusion
    That my style is grand
    Here in rhyme time land..haha

    hahaha yes that is the solution to all
    Bed, floor, stairs or hall

    Yes cameras everywhere
    So could be watched with quite a stare
    Glad you took the spin
    And it wasn't a sin

    All that stuff would clutter my space
    I think I through it out of my place
    Thanks to my ocd
    It was just too much of a cluttered sight to see

    See the Fox ruined it once more
    Letting people in on my rhyming tour
    Don't know where I find it at all
    Just work fast and faster and faster at my hall
    With all the crap that comes about
    Just push on with each and every shout
    Yes many to the dVerse show
    That I know

    Me clever
    Always or never..haha

    Time traveling can be fun
    It truly must be done
    Just don't ruin things
    And cause all kinds of flings
    That might change it all
    And then there may be no rhyme time hall
    I think all enjoy the staying at home part
    Taking it to heart
    You can keep the cooties too
    They just won't do
    Glad I could dazzle
    And not completely razzle
    Yes fun is what it's about indeed
    Which can be found a ton at my feed

    Rap video can go away
    That will just cause all dismay..haha

    The old the new
    Thanks for the view

    A cleave poem you say
    News to me today
    Just went with what I had
    Whether good or bad
    Yeah out my brain this stuff does leak
    Week after week

    Creative I can be
    Even if it's absurdly..haha

    haha then jump or hump
    Then you won't fall on a bump..haha
    Yes that would look odd just a tad
    If it's loud also might make the neighbors mad

    I have learned self control
    So I can shut off my rhyming stroll
    At least that is usually the goal
    Sometimes I still use the rhyming pole

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  55. Oh Pat, I think your rhyme has the cat-fuel source - the equivalent of a Ferrari or Lamborghini :)

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  56. haha damn the cat can go really fast
    Guess that means my rhyming is vast or can last

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  57. I bike to work,
    but I'd rather ride a horse in...
    just sayin'

    You so stinkin' clever...
    or is it braver endeavor
    than just to be writing Pat
    and lose the rhyming Hatt?

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  58. hahaha I'd take the bike over the horse
    Your behind may hurt after riding it through the course..haha
    Pat writes on his own
    The cat has the rhyming phone
    Guess we are both stuck with a hatt
    How about that

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  59. Pat,

    Once again, I'm left without words to respond...I think you've used them all. Keep 'em comin'....

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  60. haha I took the words right out of your mouth I guess
    Does that leave you in a mess?..haha

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  61. Pat, another skilful plethora of exquisite rhymes.
    Quiet simply, brilliant!

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  62. Exquisite I've never been given a call
    At least that I can recall
    Nice word choice
    Thanks for stopping by and giving voice

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