Friday, September 2, 2011

The Week of Maximum Overdrive, Lucky To Be Alive!

Movie/book reference in the title in case you were idle and did not know. The facts will be easy to tell this time at my show. As I think people lost what little brain cells they had left this week, when I popped my head out for a peek. Seen more accidents this week than in the last year, getting more moronic I fear.

Some Simple Rules For Stupid Driving Fools!

First if its red
You may end up dead
If you're a mook and try to go
Against the traffic flow

There are pretty pictures for a reason
The same for every season
So the illiterate do not need to be told
Their even understandable to a three year old

If the pretty arrow points right
It does not mean you can hold up the light
Because you want to go straight
Too friggin late

Give yourself a big hand
Your accomplishment was grand
You passed one whole car
And now are ahead by so far

Those ten feet you gained
Must be maintained
Oops you hit a red light
Now two feet! Boy that must excite

The brake and the gas
Aren't like the cheeks on your ass
They may look the same
But they do not play the same game

Learn to use one alone
Instead of giving a moan and groan
Because you're a dunce
Trying to use both at once

Smash! Boom! Bang!
You rang?
Least now you can give a call
To the tow truck for a haul

Plus you'll need that phone
To take out a loan
When you get your ass sued
For failing to conclude

That "me driving into car is bad"
If only you could add
Finding one plus one equals boom
Bringing forth doom

Plus if you can not go the limit
Find something sharp and sit on it
Maybe that will get you into gear
Or give you a sore rear

Keeping you off the street
Stay home if you want to tweet
Oh and those so called shortcuts
Just make you look even more nuts

When you stray off and I pass
And you inch out tapping the gas
I give a big screw you
You can sit and stew

You thought you could beat the traffic buffer
So sit there and suffer
Okay I'm done
Now wasn't that fun

After a week of driving hell. I just had to go and tell. I think I got every nut on the block following me like some flock. I made sure they could read my lips as I said something crass, that just delighted my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

19 comments:

  1. I love writing a good rhyming rant after an extra annoying driving experience! Yours was super fun to read. :)

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  2. Pat, absolutely hilarious. Larry The Cable Guy often says it's funny cuz it's real, you can't make this stuff up. That's so true here too. Glad to see that you have the same driving hell as we do here in Buffalo. But around here they do say, "probably a Canadian driver." But they say that even when the cars got NY plates, so who knows lol

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  3. haha yes the rant was needed this week
    As the drivers were nuts or meek
    Nothing inbetween
    Here at my scene

    Hilarious now
    But in progress I can have a cow..haha

    That is very true because real happens to all so most can relate
    Whether traffic or a crappy date
    hahahaha "Canadian driver" is quite fun
    The bridge is close for us to get over to you to, must bring a ton
    Maybe that Canadians are trying to diguise themselves with NY plates
    So you don't call them bad drivers right out of the gates..haha

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  4. Well, if that's the case,
    we have Canadian drivers here in my Ohio space!
    living as citizens in disguise
    and driving like they want your demise!

    My fave is when they screech past you
    only to slam on the brakes for a red light
    then you are on their tail
    and you roll your eyes and wail
    how stupid they are
    since they didn't get very far.

    One time someone road my bumper like a bat out of hell
    I was already going 5 over the limit as far as I could tell
    So I wouldn't speed up and they passed me and flipped the bird
    but when a cop caught them, I waved as I passed and thought 'how absurd!'
    lol....

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  5. Okay I'm done, that just about cracked loose whatever was left.

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  6. hahahaha damn those Canadians are everywhere
    Their driving no one can bear
    Yeah it's so pathetic when they go past
    Thinking their lead is vast
    Then poof they are two feet away
    No rubber do they lay

    hahaha I know where the coppers sit
    So once I went a little slow on purpose just to make the guy up my rear have a fit
    He flew on past
    Going extra fast
    And poof the light to blare
    Oh that was such a fun affair
    Maybe it was the same guy
    Thinking it was all a lie
    Not learning his lesson the first time
    Comitting the same speeding crime..haha

    haha get some silly putty and fix the crack
    Don't want to hurt your back..haha

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  7. haha...you and I would make a great team
    unleashing justice on the mean
    too bad that's not our job
    teaching lessons to all the mob

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  8. Nice rhyming. Nice blog. Love the vid.

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  9. Bravo! Many chuckles here. Enjoyed!

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  10. The mean we could take
    But the mob themseleves lets not partake
    I don't want to find a horse head in my bed
    Or lose my own legs, arms or head
    So those lessons we'll avoid
    And just get the other meanies that fill the void..haha

    Watched the theme
    That will make the cat gleam
    Chuckles too
    Glad it was enjoyed by you

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  11. Not that mob, no
    just the mob of silly drivers on the go!
    You would look funny without your arms
    might even loose some of your charm!
    Without your head
    you'd be feeling dread
    and without your legs
    you might start eating eggs!
    hahaha

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  12. hahaha okay the mob of drivers I can do
    At least a few
    Yes being a no armed Pat
    Or a two armed cat
    Would be rather funny looking indeed
    But my charm would always take the lead
    I might have to type with my nose
    Or my toes
    And eating eggs I never ever will
    The nuggets will be used still..haha

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  13. Such a fun thing
    Very entertaining
    The first blog I go for
    I not only laugh but roar

    Looking forward for more!

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  14. hahaha
    they could take all your limbs
    but your charm would always win!

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  15. hmm... keys of the keyboard... new 'missed words' creation... and now its traffic rules...
    you do it all so damn easily ;)

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  16. haha roar like a lion or a goat
    Either way nice of you to always come back to my boat..haha
    And there will always be more
    At least for quite some time at my shore

    Yes the charm rings through
    Even if I can type or get the message to all of you..haha

    Oh it does come rather easy I will admit
    What I have next could cause a big fit..haha

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  17. You make driving sound VEEERRRRY dangerous. LOL.

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  18. hahaha I guess it can be
    With such nuts that surround me

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