Thursday, October 27, 2011

Stupid Truck Driver! But The Cat Is A Survivor!

When Pat was away at work, outside the door the cat heard someone lurk. I figured it was that Drazin nut, so I got ready to once again kick his butt. But the door opened and I was buried in these curled up, wannabe cookie things. Some stupid truck driver with the brain shuts dropped them off here instead of Colorado Springs.

First of all, was he ever far far away from his destined hall. Secondly, I could barely move in this crap and then the cookie things themselves began to yap. Yes! The stupid things were talking to me, as I crushed them and tried to flee.

"He who throws dirt is losing ground."

You stupid thing! I bury stuff with the dirt I fling.

"A thrilling time is in your immediate future."

When you pop a poison pill, that will give me a thrill.

"The first step to better times is to imagine them."

I imagine you away. See you damn dirty dough you lie with your sad excuse for a cookie tray.

"A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking."

I'm sick and tired of you getting stuck to me feet. But I will never admit defeat.

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started."

I hope you things are not faint hearted because oops I farted.

"Any rough times are behind you."

Good! Now let me out of this crap because after your boring chat I need a nap.

"You are talented in many ways."

Sucking up will do you no good. When I get out of here I am going to burn you like a piece of wood.

"He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at."

I guess you things have that covered, with all the pathetic sayings you have discovered.

"You will inherit some money or a small piece of land."

Now you are trying to buy me off? I won't fall for one of Miss Priss's fake coughs.

"Funny thing about humility. Just when you think you've got it, you've lost it."

I guess then you are completely out to lunch. You must have drank too much fruit punch.

"A secret admirer will soon send you a sign of affection."

You want to stalk me now? That was not a happy meow.

"The one you love is closer than you think."

It's not going to work. So shut up you jerk.

I am free. No more of your blithering for me.

"When you are nothing but crummy dough. Beware your own hot air, as you may just fly out the window!"

I grabbed Miss Priss and made her turn on the fan. We pushed the thing toward the dough clan. I leaped up to the door and pushed it open, as the crushed dough and their stupid messages went flying across the floor. The whole mess blew away and the Face it Facts are simply what stupid messages they convey.

So to the dough I have one thing left to say, just in case that stupid stuff ever gets dumped again my way. When you sound like nothing more then the passing of gas, you will always be blown away by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

42 comments:

  1. I find most folks who drive a truck
    Make me want to scream holy @#$#
    But really that is not my way
    Couldn't even type the letters, I dare say
    And in case you'll note I'm number one
    Goodness I have missed this fun
    And nice to know I'm back on track
    And that, dear cat is the Face it Fact!

    ReplyDelete
  2. WOW and I say again WOW
    It's been like months upon months now
    Since you were first
    With your burst
    Yes those big trucks do get me going
    But then that's a whole other showing
    Glad you are back on track
    As your comments never lack

    ReplyDelete
  3. How can I come half way of that first comment. Be careful of trucks, learn to duck, I wish you luck, don't scream oh shucks!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've been chatting like that with my horoscope lately. Sure, that sounds nice, but will this prediction come to be?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fortune telling cookie dough? I've never heard of it...although I would like to try some. Does it give you magic powers? I want to randomly exclaim words of wisdom to lurking cats..hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  6. If the fortune is for me to see
    I choose to learn from history
    and from cards such as tarot
    Not some too sweet cookie dough
    And see now that my time is mine
    I have returned to again chime
    I have missed this cat in hat
    and that is truly THE face it fact!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I was back again to post
    Because you're such a gracious host
    But I see my comment's disappeared
    I've been flagged a spammer I fear
    since all the commenting that I've done
    over at dVerse lot's of fun
    Went to visit Fox yesterday
    And was filed as spammer, I dare say
    A spammer I am surely not
    All my posts have lots of thought
    So just trying to make this stick
    I am not a spamming chic!

    ReplyDelete
  8. love your blog :)
    makes me smile !

    ReplyDelete
  9. I once dated a woman who saves every fortune cookie insert she gets for a friend of hers who collects EVERY one HE can get. And I thought I collected some dumb stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  10. haha you came off the comment rather well
    I'd be more likely to scream oh hell
    Those damn fortune telling cookie thing are a pain
    I hope that truck gets flattened by a train

    hahaha I'm sure you might be more wise
    Than that cookie dough using it as a disguise
    But I still would not listen at all
    Although with magic powers we could have a ball

    Wow three in one day
    That is a new record for you at my way
    At least in a very long long time
    Always enjoy your chime
    Whether the stupid blogger things it's spam
    I will always yank it from the spam jam

    You can post as many times as you like
    Never tell you to take a hike
    Esepcailly with retorts such as yours
    Here at my rhyming shores
    Yeah the Face it Facts are quite simple in this case
    Blogger is a pain in the butt when one likes to comment at more than one place

    Glad I could get a smile
    Did it stretch a mile

    hahaha yeah that is a rather dumb collection
    But I'm sure he now has a wide selection
    Especailly with everyone helping him out
    I would not want to hear his fortune cookie shout

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ha, nice piece. It's funny more over because my niece has this cookie jar, why she already has a cookie jar being only 11 months old, well in 11 and 1/2, I don't know but that's beside the point here. This cookie jar talks all this nonsense, I haven't counted them all but it's stuff like Coo-kie, Yum Yum, Never a bad time for a cookie, And stuff like that- yep it's cookie monster. Anyhow, she opens it and closes the lid over and over and over and over-so annoying-freaks the dogs out too, cats don't seem to care, although the first time Chloe froze a bit-but cocoa couldn't give a ...

    I love all the chinese cookie philosophy here, always get a kick out of that stuff- Fun read, glad to see the cats made it out. Yeah, that driver needs a serious drug test- Hope his mileage doesn't get reimbursed-geesh that's far

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is my favorite part: "Beware your own hot air, as you may just fly out the window!" Nice line!

    ReplyDelete
  13. And now I will attempt #4
    You'll soon hate me rhyming at your door
    But my ink has run out, my pen is dry
    So I am here looking to get inspired!
    Time is once again my own
    But I've not felt like writing poems
    So I came back here to rhyme
    Okay, perhaps just one last time
    And make sure all know you're not just an act
    More like a rhyming, brilliant face it fact.

    ReplyDelete
  14. haha I seen one of those cookie jars go
    Would send Orlin and Cassie on the go
    But they would eventually sneak up and check it out
    Then Orlin would pout
    When I slammed in shut
    So he couldn't eat the cookies and get a huge gut..haha
    Yeah I hope he is not reimbursed one bit
    Even a little would make any wallet have a fit..haha

    haha yeah that was a fun one to do
    Nice it was enjoyed by you

    Geez you are going to wear yourself out
    With all this rhyme shout
    But it does not bother me
    I still like ach comment I see
    I can send a long a little inspiration if you like
    I got too much some needs to take a hike
    Doing book number three and four and another two things at my shore
    And plus rhymes galore
    Glad I'm such a brilliant face it fact
    Now if only there were 99,999 others near acts..hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  15. Creepy ass cookie dough imo o.O

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hmmm . . . did you remember to add "in bed" to your cookie fortune?

    ReplyDelete
  17. haha yes it was rather creepy
    Especailly when it got all weepy

    That might be a bit more creepy too
    Coming from that dough at my show..haha

    ReplyDelete
  18. @Mama Zen:"Hmmm . . . did you remember to add 'in bed' to your cookie fortune?"

    OMG!!! That old so-called joke is WHY my girlfriend's friend collected all those fortunes... just so he could read every one of them and add "in bed" to the end. I swear! He thought that was THE coolest, funniest thing ever. Good grief!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. the cat alone at home and this drazin guy showing up...ha...things only CAN go nuts..smiles...now..can i get a fortune cookie...

    ReplyDelete
  20. "When you sound like nothing more then the passing of gas, you will always be blown away by my little rhyming ass." hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  21. Reading through the comments has now convinced me to add "in bed" too all my future fortunes. :P

    ReplyDelete
  22. This post was great! It made me wanna eat a cyanide pill!

    ReplyDelete
  23. haha yes Fox I will go with so called joke
    As it isn't all that funny after heard ten plus times by a bloke
    Good grief describes it well
    Can only imagine how many times he rang that bell

    haha yes damn truck driver
    Will make him be skydiver
    If he comes back once more
    To my shore

    haha liked that close
    Just the way the winds blows

    haha oh God Fox and Mama Zen created another one
    This might not be fun

    Now don't go eat those poision pills
    No matter what you hear they don't bring thrills

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ever since that ex-girlfriend started doing that, I can't read a fortune cookie slip without thinking "...in bed." It has totally ruined them for me. I was never a huge fan of them, of course, but now I don't even read them!

    ReplyDelete
  25. the trick is to always add 'in bed' to the end of those philosophical rants, to give a good chuckle at the writers ignorance, per chance the cookies get sometimes as stale as the words, throw them in the yard and it might attract birds, not absurd but a snack for that rhyming cat...

    ReplyDelete
  26. I also like to read comments under posts ^^

    ReplyDelete
  27. Pats, you know I'm a book translator, and I've just realized I'd need some strong dope if I was to translate your rhymes :))

    ReplyDelete
  28. hahaha yeah after a while thinks just become habit
    And even though they cause a fit
    Hard to get out of it
    Can stop on the outside but on the inside still thinking of it a bit

    Yeah it works better with the philosophical ones
    Then again there are tons
    That sounds like a plan
    Won't have to ge the cat a meal plan
    Just stick them on the lawn
    And he can eats birds from dusk to dawn

    Yes comments are quite fun
    From many under my rhyming sun

    You translate books you say
    Sorry for the dismay
    But that's what you get the big bucks for
    Oh wait you aren't being paid at my shore..hahaha
    Don't know if there is dope strong enough
    For my rhymes are kind of tough..haha

    ReplyDelete
  29. the secret to getting ahead is getting started.
    i can't think of any better second line than i farted.

    ReplyDelete
  30. A trucker almost ran me off the highway many years ago.

    Glad he did not or I would never be writing this.

    "in bed" or under the bedsheets" always fun to add after song titles too, Pat in Nova Scotia!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I don't know why but the "happy meow" part made me imagine a certain co-worker of mine acting like a kitten and I just started laughing.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Silver, The "in bed" fortune cookie reminds me of Michael Scott and "that's what she said," which you will not understand unless you like The Office.

    Love,
    Lola

    ReplyDelete
  33. Lola,

    I don't watch The Office but I wrote my own little post about the "that's what she said line."

    ReplyDelete
  34. Excellent as usual, stuff is simply smashing.
    Try and out rhyme Pat again, you're in for such a thrashing!

    ReplyDelete
  35. damn dude that was a awesome story :D

    ReplyDelete
  36. Those poor folks in Colorado Springs
    Waiting to see what their fortunes will bring!
    Instead that truck was way too far east
    with those little cookies made without yeast!

    ReplyDelete
  37. hahaha yeah that immediately popped in
    I don't think it was a sin..haha

    Yes those truckers surely are crazy
    I guess maybe being so high their vision is hazy

    hahahaha hey take it where it goes
    Better to act like a kitten than crows

    Yeah I think we all heard of that's what she said
    Another that just hurts the head

    Of course you did
    Bet you have on on licking some coffee lid..hahaha

    Wow you rhymed too
    Look at you
    And yes I won't gloat too much
    But you were on by more than a touch..haha

    And my story
    Didn't even need to be gory

    I never really thought about those guys
    But the trucker was just so unwise
    Maybe they will be better off though
    If those crummy fortunes don't show

    ReplyDelete
  38. I only kept one fortune ever
    it was way too much on target with my endeavor
    to every throw it away
    I posted on it months ago at my bay.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I enjoy reading them and throwing them afterwards.
    And your comments are enjoyable to read.. now can i have my cookie ?

    ReplyDelete
  40. Only kept one you say
    It was so repo girl you would go away
    And you could just be mommy
    Wasn't that cookie a delight to the tummy..haha

    Nope they all blew out the door
    But if the wind is just right from my shore
    Some could land your way
    Watch for them floating by on a cookie tray

    ReplyDelete
  41. Oh, you are good
    remembering my mood
    and leaving work for good that day
    and got that message that it was the right way.
    Your memory is as scary as mine.
    We could give tours and make a few dimes.
    lol....

    ReplyDelete
  42. hahaha yeah but then by the tours we would learn more
    And stuff with fill up even more in our heads with each tour
    But then if the money was right
    I'd let them go in day or night..haha

    ReplyDelete