Friday, November 4, 2011

The Cat's Meow Or Simply An Old Cow?

I guess I still have those idiom things stuck in my head. So when I saw Miss Nostril this is where it led. She thought she was really the cat's meow, even though she really resembled a cow. Nose stuck in the air and would never ever swear.

I uttered "damn" somewhere along the way and that just did not make her day. She looked like she wanted to make me into a fillet. I guess maybe I gave that bad looking wig of hers a grey. Miss Nostril wanted such and such a thing and as she spoke she let her arms fling.

All the while her nose stayed in the air. She probably thought it did some sort of continual prayer. This would make her oh so great and get her in that pearly gate. In the middle of her spiel she made her nose go. I thought for a second Mount St. Helens was about to blow.

Some perfume laced crazy nut came in a while ago and I figured she did not like her left over stench glow. Miss Nostril was offended by such a thing as well. Supposed to be scent free she went on to tell. Ten times over. Maybe she though she was a drover?

I am sure she could herd animals up without a hiccup. To be honest the smell had gone from my nose or I guess I just got used to it or my nose froze. I will go with the later because I did not smell a thing. Once again her hands started to fling.

She did not like this, she did not like that. The whole world was against her and she just had to tell Pat.

"The streets should not have so many potholes."

And you are telling me this why? You think I'm the pothole fixing guy?

"You should have such and such a thing?"

If it was there it would be on the list. It is like she was clouded in a holier than thou mist.

"Men are such pigs."

Oh yeah I'm such a slob. Really need to get that bucket of corn on the cob. Then I would whack you upside the head. You and the stereotypical crap you said.

"Can you staple that vertically not horizontally?"

Like that really matters at all. Stick your damn finger there and let's see if I can make you give a cow call.

The rest of her crap I blocked out. But that does not mean she did not continue to spout. Most of it was nonsense that did not even matter. I think she just wanted to hear her teeth chatter.

So after some more of her crap and going on another pothole lap. She really did not like those one bit. She seemed to be having quite the fit. Finally Miss Nostril went to leave and my eyes popped out like you would not believe.

Yeah her butt shook from side to side, as it was so damn wide. But that part was scary. What was funny about this overgrown prim and proper little fairy, was there was a strand of toilet paper sticking out from her pants. Made my day after all her chants.

I watched her go out the doors and it blew in the wind still clinging inside her drawers. Miss Nostril kept on going to her car and got in not noticing she was now a tp star. She sat down and drove away and I thought all about her dismay.

It made me smile, as it was going to be vile. The tp was not all that was sticking out of her pants because I now know what that smell was and it was not perfume or plants. Let's just say pieces of it were not white not even in good light. They were not yellow as well. So that leaves one main color left to tell.

When she lifts her behind off the seat and prances out onto her feet. She is surely going to frown, for her front seat will be brown. Let's hope she does not hit one of her hated potholes though. Then she might bounce about and a larger smudge could show.

The facts of this icky biz are to simply look yourself over before leaving the bathroom bar. No matter how stuck up one may be you can't go and blame that on any flea. The rest of the day was uneventful as it continued to pass. At least now maybe she will be too embarrassed to ever again show her Nostrils to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

38 comments:

  1. Man I love it! Awesome work as usual!

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  2. Idk, word around the street is that your are a pot hole fixing slob...why lie to the woman? She just wanted you to staple something vertically!! It's not that huge of deal! hahaha

    LOL!! Who staples vertically anyways? That just has to be awkward to hold the stapler that way...

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  3. Talking about those life experiences in the past tense are the best. Glad it was you and not me.

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  4. haha if you love it so much
    I'll send Miss Nostrils your way to get in touch..haha

    I know I know
    But you don't have to keep adding to the gossip flow..haha
    Yeah turning the stapler around was just such hard hard work
    She had to say it and go all berserk
    Sure Miss Nostril tp ass right
    At least I got some delight
    And yeah stapling vertically just looks dumb too
    Oh well guess she likes that kind of staple view

    Yeah now that they are over and done
    They can be more fun
    Not sure she will want to talk about the tp
    But that was taken care of by me..haha

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  5. meow and cow, 'tis your most creative rhyme ever
    I bet you now feel all divine and clever :)

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  6. better watch it that wide load might beep beep beep back up on you and the rhyming cat may then be flat

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  7. I love the name "Miss Nostril." LOL! She sounds like such a prude!

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  8. haha I always feel clever
    Divine now and again but mostly never

    I just spit out what comes in my head
    Or is something like this brings dread

    Yeah she would squash the cat
    Making him go flat
    Would never catch Pat
    With that germy tp on the back of the old bat

    hahaha trust me it works well
    Her nose barely ever fell
    Yes quite the prude
    Wasn't at work I'd have been way more rude.

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  9. This entire time I couldn't stop thinking about old people...

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  10. Oh, I almost spit out my coffee
    laughing at you histerically.
    Surely Miss Nostril is related to Flappy.
    They both seem a little yappy.
    So next time just say Strat
    and see if she gives her eyes a bat.
    The tp was the kicker
    would love to see her face when others snicker.

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  11. That theme song is excellent, sounds like a kids show from the 70's.

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  12. Sounds like one of my aunts, can't be her though, she's passed on.
    Pot holes and staple vertical or horizontal ...the mind boggles...LOL

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  13. That's pretty "crappy" about Mrs. Nostril...

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  14. "Cat's meow" is MUCH better than the "Cat's Ass."
    Great job!

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  15. Ugh, it would drive me crazy having to listen to someone rant on and on about things like that.

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  16. Very fun and quick witted! Great as usaual! The title: The Cat's Meow Or Simply An Old Cow? Had me laughing and wondering what it was gonna be about!

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  17. haha well she was rather up there in age
    But still thought she was all the rage

    hahahaha I wouldn't want you to do that
    Then you might curse the cat
    As you had to clean it up
    And needed to refill your cup
    Yeah it seems they could be relatives or something
    Flappy usually doesn't make her arms fling
    I still have no idea how someone can't know tp is sticking out their pants
    It's more noticeable than ants
    How they hell does it have brown on it too
    That is just friggin ewwww

    haha yeah that I made a while go
    So the cat would have a theme song for his show
    Glad you liked it too
    It was mocked up to be something like late 70's early 80's it's true

    Yeah mind boggles indeed
    Those vertical staples one really seems to need

    Yeah oh so crappy
    Sure she was not happy

    I guess maybe I should not always work and lurk
    Seein tp butt could be an added perk
    Or not
    I'll hide behind my screen and follow the dot

    hahaha yeah it sure beats the cat's ass
    She would not like hearing such sass

    Yes but what can one do when they are paid to do so
    All I could do was go with the tp flow..haha

    hahaha glad the title sucked you in
    And it was a quick witted win

    Funny
    And right on the money

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  18. Yep, totally agree with that!
    How could she not feel that sticking out the back?
    Is this someone you will see again?
    How will you keep a straight face then?

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  19. haha yeah most prissy ones usually are up there
    With their wiggy hair

    Have no idea how one could not see
    The long piece of tp
    I only see her a few times a year if that
    So I will try and keep a straight face at my mat..haha

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  20. I've never run around with t.p. stuck to my bum, but occasionally unalert, I make a mistake with my skirt. I tuck it in my pink granny panties, completely unaware, and walk around the world with my underwear to share. But my nose is not up in the air. It's closer to the ground. Because that's where the money dropped is found.

    Love,
    Lola

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  21. You're a genius.. Your cats are adorable as well. Loved this rhyming story.

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  22. Ha..ha...only you could come up with such a tale about Ms.Nostril ~

    Have a good weekend ~

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  23. Look at you in rhyming mode
    As you show your undies walking down the road
    Ever find any money
    Other than a penny or the kind that is funny..haha

    Propping up the ego of the cats
    I think theirs is ten times the size of Pat's..haha

    haha Miss Nostril was a pain
    Made me pop a vein
    So she gets a tale
    Be funny if she saw it and it made her wail

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  24. You don't look like a pothole fixing guy to me... And as for the one color that's left, man, I was just about to have breakfast. Thank you!

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  25. I don't know how your mind is wired to constantly come up with this awesome stuff...but keep it going!

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  26. hahahaha now you know to always read after you've eaten
    Then your stomach won't feel like it's been beaten..haha
    Glad I don't look like a pothole fixing guy
    Then I guess I did not tell a lie

    Yeah I think my wires are crossed somewhere along the way
    But I will keep trying to come up with something everyday

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  27. Some funny toilet humor there:) Good moral to the story for sure. That Nostril, oh man- This was a great first post to read today. Thanks

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  28. haha yeah she was quite the sight
    With her tp sticking out that was not all white..haha

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  29. I think I even like Drazin better than Miss Nostril!

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  30. Yeah I'll take Drazin over her any day
    Her and her nose stuck up in the air and the stupid things she went on to say

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  31. Had Orlin put more thought to this,
    Miss N. may have been called Miss Priss!

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  32. haha Cassie already has that one taken though
    So Miss Nostril was the right way to go

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  33. Right, but if Miss Nostril had shown up first, Cassie'd need another title, I think! :)

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  34. haha yeah so true
    thankfully I don't usually have to give these nuts a view
    Just hide behind my screen
    At my work scene..haha

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