Monday, November 21, 2011

Head Shots Don't Get More Points! This Time It's Ummm Other Joints!

So Brian it seems your head shots get more points write is only 99% true. For oh the things I am about to do. This might make some turn blue and yes all these Face it Facts are somewhat true.

The day started off like any other one, as the cat was going about his fun. But suddenly I had the urge to rob a bank. I went in with enough weapons to stop a tank. Things were going fine and I also brought some friends of mine. But once we had the loot, Miss Wrinkles had to hoot.

More guys came from all over the place. Yet I was invulnerable and simply shot them in the face. I decided why bag the money and to instead be kind of funny. So I latched my helicopter, which appeared out of thin air, to the vault and lifted off with such flair.

Then some bad guy tripped me up and went on his stereotypical rant without a hiccup. Now it was on. So I leaped out of his pretty plane and landed on his lawn. He saw me as no threat and I was about to make him lose that bet. For once I got a hideout all decked out and turned green giving an Incredible Hulk shout, the strat really hit the fan. Oops! I ran over another man.

Don't worry he simply vanished into thin air like he did not even care. I stole a poor lady's car, yet it blew up and did not get me very far. The cops had me wanted, so I went streaking and taunted. Some big puss bucket guy wanted to crush me and I gave him a face full of bullets for free. But Puss Bucket kept coming, with the grunting he was humming.

He toppled over of lead poisoning I guess, the place was a real mess. Did I mention my satellite that can shoot rockets? I used it to shoot old ladies and steal their lockets. As I Need A Hero blared from my car. Yes, I stole that from outside some bar. All these guys seemed ticked off and they began to scoff. They chased me all over town wanting my saintly crown.

The I went inside my hideout and even though they could still see me and kept up their vile shout, POOF. They all disappeared as I took the elevator to the roof. I decided I was the Hulk and so full of bulk. So I jumped off the roof with such pride. Damn! I think I died. Nope, I guess not. After a mere $500, which was not a whole lot, I was back alive. Who knew it was so easy to beat a death dive?

I remembered what Brian said and so I shot some business looking people in the head. I think one was a politician of some sort and another was a whiny guy who played a sport. So don't give them too much pity. They were quite whiny and not at all witty. I did get more points too. Brian, that's when I was about to thank you.

But the gun in my paw slipped, as over a dead body I tripped. Those things just don't disappear fast enough and holding guns with paws is just tough. Anyway it went off at the next guy and shot him between the legs, no lie. And guess what? I got more points than if I shot him in the head or butt.

Crotch shots get more points is a new low. But that is what happens when you walk down Saints Row. Now if you are a noob, don't be a boob. None of this was real. So the cat has no psycho serial killer deal. I just caused tons of damage in mass and then Pat pulled the plug on my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

43 comments:

  1. careful now you might get me in trouble, homeland security might come pop my bubble, but sounds like you had quite the adventure, a crotch shot get more treasure, yikes that is below the belt, the rip, tear punch surely felt....ooo i might melt that the thought...

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  2. there's nothing better than a casual bank robbery on a Monday morning...

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  3. LOL Well, with a head shot it's almost immediate death. A crotch shot, well that's months of pain and a life time of torture. Try explaining THAT to a girl, well, err... female feline?!

    oh, and can I borrow your helicopter? It's the only way that I can think of avoiding rush hour traffic...

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  4. Yeah God knows with your security down there
    Might come after your for plucking an eyebrow hair
    There was zombies and tanks too
    But that might have seemed far fetched to some who view,...haha
    Yeah that thought is not nice
    And to knock him down I shot him there twice..haha

    Sounds like you have experience in such a case
    Are you pulling a Bonnie and Clyde at your place?

    Unless your Major Payne
    He got shot in the head and did not board death's train..haha
    hahaha it might be hard to explain to a female feline
    But then stupid Pat had the vet go snip snip to mine...hahaha
    Sure the helicopter is all yours for free
    I now have a motorcycle type hovercraft thingy at my tree

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  5. After watching the older kid snipe over the weekend on COD, your post is relevant in my world Pat.

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  6. But the gun in my paw slipped, as over a dead body I tripped. Those things just don't disappear fast enough and holding guns with paws is just tough. Anyway it went off at the next guy and shot him between the legs, no lie. And guess what? I got more points than if I shot him in the head or butt.

    Hilarious lines, but something for everyone in this verse. Loved it.

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  7. oh, for free?? Gracias!!! I owe you one cat!

    and LOL @ the snip snip comment. You have to keep the humor to a minimum. The Japanese must think I'm nuts with all the giggling I do here. hahaha

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  8. Yeah COD sniping is fun too
    Getting the crosshairs as one comes into view
    And then poof
    They go down and disappear, leaving no proof
    Although might get called a camper too
    Until many turn blue
    But I enjoy such things
    Because it means I'm ticking them off as they give their rings..haha

    haha sure there is something for everyone
    Although some may no find it so fun
    If they are on the receiving end
    Or the down below trend

    haha just watch where you land
    Smushing people won't be so grand
    hahaha bah better nuts than boring
    and at least you stay awake and aren't snoring

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  9. All of us just to have to stop and rob a bank every now and then.

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  10. Yeah truly helps blow off steam
    Makes it easier when you do it in a team

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  11. Let's play FPS like PAYDAY
    (and when a french say "PAYDAY", it song like "FAG" in french)

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  12. Love this stuff as always man. Excellent work!

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  13. I'll take your word for the french
    As not spoken much at my bench

    Who knew robbing a bank
    Would get such a well received yank..haha

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  14. You always make me smile. This is my favorite line LOL! "Did I mention my satellite that can shoot rockets?" Such an awesome idea.

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  15. I don't think this stayed a bank robbery..

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  16. haha yes it was such fun to use
    I admit I used it to abuse
    Blowing up all kinds of stuff
    Especailly those zombies when they got rough..haha

    Nope went to far more than that
    As things usually do with the cat

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  17. I really wanna rob a bank someday... :)

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  18. Um so I don't know what is more disturbing. Robbing a bank or crotch shots. lol Or the shooting. Sheesh.. You are on one today. Love it.
    Have a good day.

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  19. hahaha hmmmm that is scary indeed
    maybe I should not have planted the seed

    For me crotch shots are definitely more distrubing in every way
    haha glad I was on today

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  20. crotch shots... oh, no!

    I have to confess, I don't really care one way or the other re: headshots. I do like the ones where the authors get creative. Like Anne Rice's. :D

    Have a great week!

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  21. You crazy cat
    what's under that hat?
    Are hallucinogenic pills
    the cause of your thrills?
    Or is it just imagination
    that has you chasin'?
    Now my rhyme falls apart
    time for me to depart.
    But all I can say is wow,
    pussy cat---M-E-E-E-O-W!

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  22. Ur some kind of superhero, eh? :P

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  23. Oh, cat is naughty today
    shooting up people and robbing at bay.
    this is not how your mother raised you!
    She would say no dinner and you're grounded, too!

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  24. A bit off topic here, but you will think this is amazing, Pat. And no rhyme. Strat, I know, but deal with it. ha.

    I woke up this morning to my hubs waking me up and saying we had a slight crisis! He had gone outside to feed the cats and Tiger had slipped in. When he went back inside to shoo him out, he was running across the room with Mr. Bird in his mouth!

    All within 60 seconds he had slipped inside, ran to the cage in the kitchen, opened the door to the bird cage, gotten inside it somehow, grabbed Mr. Bird and was making a bee line for the back door. Mr. Bird was saying Cheeep, Cheep, Cheep! And The Mister hollered at him and clapped his hands.

    Tiger dropped Mr. Bird and ran outside.

    That's when he came to get me. So I walk out into the kitchen and Mr. Bird flies right toward me. Ha..yes, he knows who will save him. lol... He lands at me feet, I pick him up and put him into his cage.

    Strat! That's too much excitement to be woken up to, not to mention before any coffee!

    Anyway, Mr. Bird is alive, seems to be fine. I thought maybe he would have dropped dead by now from internal bleeding or something. Maybe Tiger was handling him gently until he could get him outside.

    So, my big question is...did Orlin teach him how to open doors? Will the refrigerator be next? Can't believe he got into the cage.

    And I'm putting this on your blog because all those sweet old ladies that keep telling me that Tiger is a hunter by instinct and I shouldn't be taking chances would just die at this story. I'd never heard the end of it. lol.

    OK..sorry this is so long. Sue me.

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  25. Reminded me of a scene from Pulp Fiction, lol.

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  26. Running someone over with a car? Can I sue for trademark infringement???

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  27. lol post just keeps getting better!

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  28. Wasn't my car you stole was it? Because it wouldn't get you very far either....haha
    Low shots in the crotch...whatever is the world coming too....sheesh!

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  29. Pat sometimes this cat scared me:)

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  30. Are you dictating a game of Grand Theft Auto IV? If not, share some of the bank loot!

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  31. Thank God you put in the disclaimer, otherwise all the ills of the world Google will blame you. Love the visual of a cat trying to steady a gun in its hands, would be a great poster.

    Nice job, very engaging and entertaining tale

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  32. That was some rob banking adventure...or not..ha.ha...have a good night ~

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  33. Pat, I deleted my original comment because Stephanie assured me you were just teasing her. I'm very protective of the people I love, and if I thought someone was unkind to you, there's a slight possibility that I'd be mildly irritated. I apologize for scolding you.

    Love,
    Lola

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  34. Man, you can even make your paragraphs rhyme. So how are you at work? Do all your business reports or presentations rhyme too? Now that would be cool. :D

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  35. haha I think different head shots were in mind
    Then the ones referenced by my little rhyming behind

    hahaha that was quite the meow
    You gave with your comment bow
    I have no need to pop a pill
    As I already had my fill
    Maybe that is why I'm crazy
    And things look rather hazy..haha

    Yep oh so super
    My rhyming puts the bad guys in a stuper

    The cat would sneak out the window
    And continue his show
    Grounded I may be
    But I only use ground when I have to pee..haha

    If you liked the first two
    This one will be liked by you
    It's pretty much the same thing
    Just a tad more nutty with zombies and every other thing under your wing

    WOW Tiger is quite impressive to say the least
    He truly thought he had a feast
    Mr. Bird is lucky Tiger did not crunch
    Or was saving him for lunch
    When they set their mind to it they can get into most anything
    I guess he did not like how Mr. Bird decided to sing
    I think they would have a heart attack
    And might even say strat at your rack
    Never going to be able to let him in again
    Unless always watched by you and your five men
    I bet Tiger was all proud too
    Before away the bird flew
    Must have been quite the wake up alarm
    Glad at least there was no harm
    No problem if it is long at all
    Such a fun tale to share at my hall
    For all except Mr. Bird
    He probably thinks the whole thing absurd..haha

    I suppose Pulp fiction could come into play
    During my oh so eventful day

    Hmmm depends if you started it before the first game
    I think over the last 7 years or so is when they began to mame

    Glad I get better and not worse
    It's a gift and a curse

    hahaha nope I stole a nice shiny one
    and then it blew up in my fun
    Yeah the world is truly going in the crapper
    I even shot a bad rapper..haha

    Bah the cat isn't to scary
    Not even that hairy

    Close it was Saint Row 3 I was dictating from
    I'd be in some no extradition country if a bank was really robbed by my little rhyming bum..haha

    Google might take a fit
    And I could have taken a hit
    But I think they are satisfied with you
    As bugs you sure have a few
    And yeah a cat with a gun
    That would be interesting yet fun

    Too bad the money was all funny stuff
    Or I'd be rich and have quite enough..haha

    Did not even see the original comment you gave
    Here at my rhyming cave
    So if you want to berate
    Does not bother me at any rate
    As yes it was just a tease
    But say whatever you please
    Shall not bother me
    Although I might make fun here at my sea..haha
    And if someone, like a certain peacock, is unkind
    I can quite take care of my own little rhyming behind..haha

    hahaha I don't have to give presentations one bit
    Although it be interesting if I broke into a rhyming fit
    Nah I can switch my rhyming on and off
    So no rhyming reports so no one will scoff
    Accounting and rhyme
    Might not be such a fun time..haha

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  36. Now ur rhyming ass is robbing a bank :D
    hehe

    Good one pat !!

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  37. I'll be honest, I kind of wanted to buy Saints Row 3 for the TF2 exclusive items that came with it...

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  38. I for one, am disappointed in you Pat, you fail to mention giant purple dildo.

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  39. Brilliant. I specially appreciated the magic realism and the internal rhymes.

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  40. haha yeah my rhyming ass can do lots of things
    Sometimes it even sings..haha

    Ahh so they tried to suck you in with extra stuff
    Usually most of that though is just fluff

    hahaha yeah that giant purple dildo is there too
    Along with fart in a jar but that might have be unbelievalble by all but you

    Came back once more
    And glad you liked it a second go at my shore

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  41. I keep reading your blog
    and thinking I'm thick
    as I'm in a fog
    and feeling dense as a brick.

    I'm not a gamer
    to my husband's dismay
    but if it's all the same
    I'll read my book I say

    You do make me laugh tho'
    I am happy to report
    I'll keep coming back so
    I can comment and retort.

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  42. hahaha I have fun leaving many in the fog
    As they come sit at my log
    Game and book each to their own
    I enjoy each along with movies at a certain tone
    Glad I can get a laugh too
    That is always fun to do

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