So with them blithering on about us getting flattened like some dinosaur, I figured I would help them out with their asteroid chore. They seem to be having such trouble thinking up stuff, which brings forth another What To Do huff and puff.
The Face it Facts supposedly are, Apophis will be the next one to come near Earth's bar. But maybe those nasty aliens will send some our way. Who knows what kind of gadgets they have on display. So here is the easiest ways to stop the asteroids. Aren't I just so helpful filling their voids?
What to do, What to do
When an asteroid is going to crush me and you!
So here they come on a destructive path,
Making us suffer their horrible wrath.
Now what are we do to?
Stand around, twiddling our thumbs and turn blue?
At least the dinosaurs had a tail.
They could use it to play ball when the asteroids began to hail.
So that means we gather up all the stupid humans around,
And make them into a bat, swinging them as each asteroid is found.
Or maybe we just stick them all on one side,
Then the asteroid will go wide.
For you humans can get quite obese,
And all together that will increase.
The Earth will be weighed down,
And the asteroid will miss, hitting some other planet's town.
Of course there are those spider things.
Personally I like to eat them, but prefer the bugs with wings.
Anyway they can make a huge web around the globe,
And by using our space probe.
We watch as the asteroids get caught,
In the spiders webby knot.
Heck! It's a rock right?
Why not let another rock join in the fight.
Build a huge catapult thing,
Then let the bigger rock fling.
Pow! The bigger rock wins,
And both go sailing off into the universe's big garbage bins.
We could send up a team with a big parachute,
And have them hook it up to the big brute.
Make sure it is re-entry proof,
And then it floats down and doesn't make us go poof.
Or just strap a rocket to its ass,
Wait! Does it have one of those on its mass?
Okay, just strap it somewhere on it,
Then send it off to some other poor planet to hit.
Just don't piss off any aliens though.
They may strike a worse payback blow.
You know termites like wood right?
So find something that likes to eat meteor and let it bite.
It will think it has found something grand.
And lend us a hand.
The whole world could blow at once too.
Then off it will go from the hot air due.
Heck, politicians should be able to blow it away,
With all the garbage they say.
But if all else fails you and me will board a ship,
Get enough food and water for a million year trip.
Then let the Earth stop the stupid rock.
I am sure sooner or later we'll get over the shock.
Until one hits our ship too.
Then it's goodbye me and you.
So let's hope my What To Do works.
But if not, at least there will be less nasty Wal-Mart clerks.
Now is that not better than throwing a nuke at the rock? After all we could still get some nuclear after shock. This way we are environmentally friendly as well and hopefully will not get blown to hell. Unless of course breaking wind is a contagious thing, for with all you humans in one spot giving such a ring. I am afraid all of that smelly gas will pollute more than a nuke and just ruin the plans given by my little rhyming ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.