Friday, November 25, 2011

Time To Make A Buck Or Two Off The Black Friday Crew!

You know the economy or at least your wallet or purse or whatever you call it, could get a whole lot better if you exploit the Black Friday nuts. Who swing their butts and guts, trampling over little old ladies while acting as if they have won a Mercedes.

On Black Friday it seems brain cells go out the window and the brain shuts begin to flow. How that is different from most other days I do not know. But even the most slow person seems to hit a new low. Oh! A big dollar off I must have it! As the stupid person grabs it in a fit.

So since everything is magically wonderful on this day and people will buy anything on display. Especially if it says sale on the thing, even though that is mostly a BIG FAKE word they sling. For a few weeks before they jack up the price, then on Black Friday put it back to normal pretending to be nice. And many are a stupid fool, thinking they got a sale that's oh so cool.

Remember to wear a freaky Jason face mask and now I get back on task. For I promised to show you how to make a buck or two off the Black Friday crew. So here you go, just remember to kickback some to my show.

Do you have some boxes lying around? Hide the shopping carts so they cannot be found. Then sell the shoppers a box for ten bucks. Some would do it, the silly ducks. Or tear up the sides and sell them to the store. After all they may want to write SALE some more. Then they can re-use and give it to the guy who who holds up "The World Is Ending" outside loos.

Sell mosquitoes by the jar. This idea could go very far. Since the stores are sucking ones wallet dry, may as well help and let the little buggers fly. Could suck an enemy's blood or tell you if anything else is in that mud. This could really be the next big wave. Mosquitoes by the jar everyone could crave.

Do you have a dog or a fluffy cat? You can sell their hair, how about that? Yes, people actually use dog hair to knit. I guess it is quite the hit. So the more your dog and/or cat sheds the greater your return spreads. You can even make SALE signs spelled out in hair. It will make you seem like you have that much more flair.

I tried to avoid this but it seems to bring people such bliss. Just do a quick search on ebay and any sane persons nose will curl in dismay. You can sell poo! Even that which comes from you. If you make it all nice and artistic that is. Poo seems to be quite the biz. They have mouse poop neck laces and Insta poop in pretty cases. So take the shovel out back and throw the dog poo in a sack. Hell, I could have insta pringle cans full of it. YOU ARE NUTS IF YOU BUY SHIT!

A blind date would work well too. No! Not with me or you. That is just scary and besides the cat is too hairy. All you have to do is get many to sign up for it and then pair them up bit by bit. Hopefully there is an even number too or a threesome could come into view. The cat will not go there but I am sure it will be quite the affair.

Sell them an alien abduction and use your vaccum for suction. Sell them a trip to the zoo and once they pay let them in the store to view. A bucket of sand, saying they will be investing in a diamond worth twenty grand. A trip to the moon and tell them to meet the cow at noon. See just be inventive and your wallet will fill. People will buy anything if they think they can save a whole dollar bill.

The Face it Facts of Black Friday are, one should not stray far. Remain home and do not roam. Or go be fooled by the stores tricks as they take in money like bricks. Well you could still be paying off what you buy until next Black Friday gives a cry. Truly can be a brainless mass and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

46 comments:

  1. The scary thing is it's now coming to Canada. Fortunately it's not as big as in the states. Much to the disapointment of the retailers who are trying to push it. :D

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  2. When whacko U.S. shoppers go stomp over each other to get a oh so big sale
    And the sales rain down like hail
    Basically it's called Black Friday
    Because on that day
    It supposedly takes stores from the red, i.e. a loss
    To the black, i.e. they now have money to toss

    Yeah but so far us Canadians are as crazy
    Either that or we're just lazy..haha
    Hopefully it stays that way
    And the stores stop being a copy cat with their sale display

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  3. sell mosquitos by the jar? that will surely get you far, black friday is bride of gluttony, poking gouging biting sick, grab the toy before them and they might kick you in the...ahem...crazy people going broke, so on christmas their kids might choke on their bought love, by jove...i think i just might stay at home.

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  4. lol Pat your crazy. Who else could come up with a Black Friday rhyme. Great one man! Keep it up.

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  5. The funniest people are the ones that spend money on things they don't even want because it's a bargain, then complain they have no money!

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  6. hahaha after hearing about how I might get kicked below
    Pat will surely stay at his show
    Except for getting cat food
    But I doubt they will have a black friday brood
    Yes that oh so mysterious toy
    Next year it will be crap and there will be another oh joy

    haha I sooo like being crazy
    Sure beats being lazy
    But today I will be just that
    So I don't get smushed flat

    Yeah soooo true
    They whine whenever one comes into view
    Yet they are the nuts the bought the stuff
    So let them stew in their own little huff

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  7. Fortunately Pat we dont have here Black fridays but I always herad about this, but sometimes the shopping center mad something similar, is horrible and you have reason... and you are so funny:)
    after all Pat is only about money,money,money...

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  8. No rhyme here...don't even try. ha.

    I don't leave the house on Black Friday.
    How insane to go stand in the mall parking lot at 3am just so you can be the first in the door at 5am! The tv news always has video clips of people stampeding each other. Crazy. One time a big woman fell while running through the door and her wig popped off of her head. They ran that clip a dozen times. How funny. How humiliating for her. Geesh.

    We had a friend that worked in retail and he did say that they jack up the prices just before a sale...then the sale price is really the original price...no sale at all and everyone falls for it. Crazy!

    Last year I did almost all of my shopping online...so nice.

    OK..selling pet hair? Why didn't I think of that. I'd have a sack full of Nuggets hair every week. It could cover my expense of cat food!

    And if you start selling tickets to the zoo, I want a cut. After all, if they are going to be coming here to gawk at the animals I should profit from it. ha.

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  9. i just remember last black friday when a man died :(

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  10. LOL!!! All my friends and family went out last night for a Black Friday run. My cousin went to one at WALMART!!! For the love of God, really?? Everything there is already marked down to nothing.

    Do people really sell poo on ebay? That has to be illegal....Either way, it's grosss!!!! What do people do with it? Use it as fertilizer???

    Being only 5 feet tall, I stay FAR away from Black Friday shopping in fear of being trampled. Every year I hear of at least 2 people that die...shopping can't be fun if your life is literally at risk. Sigh...

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  11. its a black friday for me alright.
    was thrown into a business pc suddenly (cuz they didn't have working biz reporters) and i was pretty lost.
    and just now, i witnessed a group of men beat up the owner of the bar across my office !

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  12. No Black Friday here in Canada. Let's hope it stays that way.

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  13. Thats a lot to read on a friday! My mind is already shutting down...

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  14. I'm definitely staying home today. Last year I just went out for groceries and I almost got elbowed in the face LOL! The milk wasn't worth it!

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  15. Just nodding my way the whole way through. Over her someone started a movement where Black Friday was "not buy anything day".

    I never go out on BF anyway. Mindless apes trampling over people, hell nah.

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  16. sounds like mad friday to me...smiles...but what do i know as a german..smiles..
    honestly..we have this sales rush as well where people buy stupid and useless things just because they are on sale... i have a deal with myself... i always ask myself one question... "would i buy it as well if it were not on sale...?" if the answer is no - i walk away..

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  17. Black Friday is craxy. And judging by the news it bled red this year. I'm Irish and only stateside temporarily and I won't shop here. I refuse to feed this beast.

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  18. quick! lets buy $4 old navy shirts for $3.50! woooooooooooo

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  19. I will not go out.
    It would make me want to scream and shout.
    But I think I can be a hit on e-bay.
    With dog hair AND poop I'll be the wonder of the day.
    Time to sweep and scoop the yard.
    Then settle down with some Shakespeare and enjoy the bard.

    Love,
    Lola

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  20. Gosh, where have you been all afternoon?
    Don't tell me you have been down on the street corning trying to sell jars of mosquitoes and Pringle cans of strat!

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  21. or did you sneak across the border
    just to watch the Black Friday hoarders?
    ha.

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  22. I need a dog hair knit scarf! ....wait, no I dont.

    Black Friday is so weird... people getting trampled for $2 waffle irons. So bizarre.

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  23. Mike ~ our news today told of one shopper pepper spraying another shopper who got the last one of something that they wanted! Insane!

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  24. oh, I wanna experience Black Friday then ;) When are you sending a jet for me, Pats?

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  25. Yep Fortunately they escape us as well
    So we don't have to dive down into that hell
    So very true
    Money and Greed is all the shopping centers have in view

    hahahaha never seen the wig popping off one
    Sure that was played over and over a ton
    Totally nuts standing there freezing
    Coughing and wheeezing
    For 5 hours or so
    Just to get in front of the traffic flow
    Yep I worked there for a while too
    And that is just what they do
    Jack it up nice and high
    The do two for one or have a sale when really it's a lie
    The only time they actually do a sale for real
    Is when they have tons of stock left to deal
    Because it costs them more to keep it for the yearly audit/count
    So once again they are only looking out for themselves by lowering the amount
    All my shopping is done
    I don't have to step into another store until after the christmas fun
    Hoarded enough stuff away for a month or so
    So I can avoid all the nuts at my show
    Yeah pet hair seems to be a biz on the rise
    Or a weird past time in disguise
    Could make a ton off your zoo
    Although the skunk may make many turn blue

    Yeah the crazy peeople stomping over one another
    Sure they were taught better by their mother

    hahaha yeah I know it is so pointless to do
    You aren't really saving a whole lot either, sad but true
    The same deals will come about again
    And there won't be so many crazy men and women
    Yes so so so sad
    They sell mouse poo necklaces and stuff thinking it is rad
    Or at least they did
    Not sure if they still have such things to place a bid
    Fertilizer is the only thing I can think off to use it for
    Anything else that popped into my head deserves no encore..haha
    Yes you would get stomped over for sure being so small
    Might punt you around like a football..haha
    Yeah every year someone dies
    And no matter the cries
    The nuts do the same the next year
    Truly does strike fear

    Damn you seem to be having quite the sucky day
    Friday truly has given you dismay
    Hopefully saturday will be more pleasant for you
    Or at least give you something new..haha

    Yes let's hope it always does stay that way
    Don't want to see a black friday display

    hahaha bah still one day left before the weekend
    Plus I rant away, it's a growing trend

    hahaha groceries too?
    Damn some of you down below are wacko when a sale comes into view

    Mindless apes would be the correct term
    Some with a weirdo perm
    not buy anything day would also be nice
    Should be done way more than once or twice

    That seems like a pretty good question to ask
    Many more should use that for each shopping task
    Maybe there would be less whiners about
    And they would not twist and shout
    Having some money left over
    Getting a bone for poor rover

    Good refusal I will say
    Ignore the stupid sale display
    Bled red you say
    So glad I avoid that crap at my bay

    hahahahaha yeah that whole 50 cents
    Just makes them seem soo dense

    hahaha yeah quite the hit you will be
    Could even do a buy one can of dog hair get some poo free..hahaha

    hahahaha nope I was at work
    And unable to lurk
    My strat filled cans just would not sell
    People told me to go straight to hell
    I guess ebay is the place to be
    So people won't smell and flee..haha

    I admit it would be fun to watch maybe
    But the border is a good 4-5 hours away from me
    Plus no passport so I am stuck
    And can't fly south like a duck

    hahaha you sure you don't need that dog hair scarf
    Could throw in a touch of something to make you umm barf
    Yes weird indeed
    Bizarre also takes the lead
    But that waffle iron they must have it
    So they think it justify's their fit

    hahaha I just read that too
    God that is just stupid for someone to do
    Brian was right
    Be sure and wear a cup if you join the black friday plight
    Just in case they have no mace
    And kick you in a certain place

    My jet is all out of gas
    Send me some money, I'll fill it up and be there is a flash with my little rhyming ass

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  26. Wow, you just nailed my take on this Black Friday phenomenon. The whole thing is crazy. The Poo idea I did not know, I did hear of one selling off their fingernails, or implants too. But Poo, poo poo, that just yuck.. But then again the back lawn does get filled, instead of the trash, the shovel could go into to-go bags. And in the winter poopsicles could be had. The alien abduction idea is great. how bout those star registries, one of these black friday nuts is probably thinking about potential stars to sell off some real estate- Tash could help with that I'm sure. The jacking up the price thing makes me cringe, as I buy K-cups from this one place all the time for 11.99, but today they advertise 20% off until 1pm, but when I got their at 12 today the price was not exactly the MSRP of 18.99, so that's 3.80 off, which comes out to 15.19 or should I say a sale and a savings of $3.20 above the normal selling price. Yeah, and then you have the nuts, the real nuts, like that lady in California today, macing a bunch in line, all to ensure she can get the deal she likes.

    Great socially conscious piece here today Pat. Hope all the Retailers get a sniff of that. Thanks

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  27. Yeah, I need a new pie plate alright!
    Maybe I'll walk into Wal-mart and ruin their sight
    spraying pepper spray at anyone near
    the isle that holds bakeware and gear.
    Then I can plead temporary insanity
    or Black Friday fever came over me.
    Think it would work?
    Maybe I'd get 2 for 1 if I stay and lurk.
    And what are you doing working on Friday?
    I'm sure that gave you some dismay!

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  28. Yeah the whole thing is completely and utterly nuts
    People are just blind following mutts
    They are not getting one over on the store
    The store always wins as soon as they open the door
    Just as you have scene
    Yet they still go and spend their green
    That lady was a crazy bat
    Another dumb black friday rat
    Those star registries things are sooooo stupid too
    All I can say to them is whoopdi friggin doo
    I think the bad BO of all the people waiting in line
    Might drown out the sniffing retailers to the rant of mine..haha

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  29. can't you use some of the gas
    from your little rhyming ass?
    To fuel the jet and fly over
    and take Dezzy to Black Friday money thrower?

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  30. hahaha that might get you a new pie plate
    Or handcuffs could be your fate
    It is assualt after all
    Maybe if you added in a cat call
    Meowing could make you seem loonie
    Even hand them a Canadian toonie
    Then go "eh" at them a couple times
    Even through in some rhymes
    They'll give it to your for free
    Thinking all the marbles have fallen out of your tree..haha
    Office decorating party thing
    So I went it for a ring
    Orlin was quite upset
    Hasn't even got off my lap yet..hahaha

    hahaha that gas is a delicate instrument you know
    If I let too much flow
    The world might begin to rhyme all over the place
    And that black friday money thrower may hit you in the face..haha

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  31. Yep the marbles would have fallen out of the tree
    and rolled into the sea.
    I'd be locked up for years
    unless I rhymed off their ears.
    Then I could thank you
    if they sent me back to my zoo
    because they had had enough
    and undid my handcuffs.
    ha.

    Poor Orlin missed you
    he knew with the calendar you screwed.
    I really believe they can tell time
    even if the sun doesn't shine.

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  32. I think Black Friday just encourages even more greed than ever. Half the world starves while the USA encourages greed. It's crazy.

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  33. haha see all these months of rhyming will pay off
    You'll make the guards scoff
    And then tell you to shoo
    So once again you can be back home at your zoo

    Yes they can tell when you screw with their schedule and change things up
    He knew it was a hiccup
    And not really a work day
    Sucked up around me with quite the display
    While Cassie came for a quick greet
    Rubbed against my feet
    And had quite enough of that
    Walking off like the oh so miss priss of a cat..hahaha

    Yeah it is soooo stupid to the highest degree
    And completely and utterly crazy

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  34. I didn't make any money cuz I stayed home to avoid the butt-heads. Period.

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  35. Yea black Friday is definitely a big scam. However it helps the economy but still, black Friday is for consumer tards.

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  36. editing Q for you
    meet me at the factinary zoo. ;)

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  37. and...if I dream of Wilbur the five-headed wild boar tonight
    and scream out in fright
    I will come to bush number three
    and make you pay, you got me?
    lol....
    And no, Elizabeth and a food stand
    will not make it better in any land.
    So bad dreams will get you in trouble
    the fines I may even double.
    hahahaha

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  38. haha I hope you made sure that GO AWAY mat was in full bloom
    So no lost Black Friday shopper would come by and cause you doom and gloom

    True I guess it sorta helps the economy in it's own way
    At least on paper for company display
    When in actually people's credit cards are ran up the gazoo
    Should really flush those things down the loo.

    Answered back
    Over at the Factinary shack

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  39. Oh don't gloat
    over on your factinary boat.
    ha.

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  40. hahahahaha bah Charlotte will build a dream catcher and keep Wilbur away
    But I built a steel door on my bush for display
    So if you come after me
    I'll jump in the crack and flee
    Slamming the door shut
    Hiding in its umm butt
    Oh that just sounds so bad
    But Facky Tracks sure did help that Jack lad
    Twice in fact
    Three times if you count his first illegal theft act

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  41. Oh forget Wilbur now
    it's huge empty eye sockets that are making me wow.
    I guess we don't need to skin our knee
    on the factinary tree
    your blog does just fine
    for comments so sublime.

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  42. Yeah I can gloat here just fine
    Of course can do it easy as well on the Factinary line..haha

    Those old hags are quite the pain
    Empty eye sockets might go in your brain
    Could give you a scare
    And yeah the Factinary tree can never be as good as the cats lair..haha

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  43. Black Friday is such an insane concept man, it really melts me out. It's cool to read your stuff about it, I love it like always.

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  44. Yeah black friday is completely insane
    People literally pop a vein

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  45. dog hair to knit?
    i'd have an immediate fit
    unless it was so soft i was surprised
    so that only later i would accuse them of lies

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