Monday, December 19, 2011

Drazin and The Lie Slayer! With An Added Feline Layer!

It was a nice and sunny day when a letter came under the door our way. Being the cat I am I tore it to shreds but Miss Priss decided to read a few threads. A cat that can read. Hey, why not? I rhyme at my feed. Anyway, it was from that Drazin nut, which had us figuring he was back in his cat slipper rut. But as Miss Priss read what was left. It seemed he wanted our help with a theft. We figured it was a trick yet we were curious and besides, it's been a while since we one upped that so call god prick.

So off we went to a department store of all places, with short, fat, big, tall and every other human scrunched up in little spaces. All after that last minute bargain and some even speaking techno jargan. Then a shadow set upon our back and we turned around ready for an attack. There was baldy Drazin with his eyes all a glow and it wasn't long before he began to crow.

"If all Drazin had to do was send you a letter, Drazin would have done that months ago. It would have saved Drazin so much trouble. Drazin never would have had to see bug eyes either. Drazin still holds you two fleabags responsible for that."

He said his name another few dozen times and as he went about his worthless chimes, we noticed his feet weren't bare. They were actually covered in slippers made of cat hair. He noticed we were looking and gave a smile. I swear the damn thing stretched a mile.

"So you two fleabags noticed Drazin's new slippers? You see Drazin captured one of those elves and it turns out they can't make toys worth a damn. Drazin heard Leprechuans do that anyway. But Drazin found out they can make some nifty shoes. So Drazin squeezed their neck until The Great God Drazin once more had nice warm slippers to cover Drazin's feet."

"Did you just invite us here to say your name over and over? I have to admit though you look so much more godly now with slippers on."

Miss Priss rolled her eyes at the so called godly one and he asked if we were ready to have some fun. It seems the Santa's in the mall had all gone over the wall. Some guy called the Lie Slayer was around acting all profound. He made the kiddies cry exposing the fake Santa's as a lie. Drazin said he wanted to let this guy prove him a lie but it was clear he wanted this guy to die. I guess Drazin had a soft spot for Christmas or something to that affect and wanted to protect. We figured if Scrooge could change, maybe Drazin could too, no matter how strange.

But the part he neglected to tell the cat, is he wanted me to put on the Santa hat. It seems he only appeared when a new Santa came to the mall. Drazin thought a cat pretending to be Santa would really get him to answer the call.

"Why don't you just do it? The shine from your bald head to bright for the kids?"

"Drazin wouldn't be caught dead in that thing."

"I guess it's a good things gods don't die then, huh?"

"Red clashes with Drazin's eyes. So shut up fleabag. You get to play Santa's little wife."

Miss Priss and Drazin argued forever. I have to admit she was quite clever. Then we dressed up and sat in the chair. I really think even the two year olds were aware. For cats as Santa just don't work. Some of the kids even went berserk. The screaming seemed to attract this guy, as the Lie Slayer caught me eye. He was dressed in purple spandex of course, yapping about how us fakers needed to show remorse.

"We need to show remorse? You rip off Barney and we need to show remorse?"

"Quiet, you small creatures! I will show the world what fakes you really are."

He trotted up and yanked off our Santa clothes and wiggled his little bull nose. He acted all proud, like he made a big reveal to the crowd.

"Oh no! You exposed a couple of cats. Great job Barney! You going to sing I love you, you love me now?"

"I'm not Barney! Shut up fleabags!"

He went to step on Miss Priss and I but then he began to wet himself and started to cry.

"Drazin is the only one that calls them fleabags. Drazin was waiting to get a chance at you. So do you think Drazin is a fake? Or is Drazin truly a god?"

"You're a god, you're a god. Please Mr. God sir. Let me go!"

Drazin curled his nose up as the Lie Slayer looked like he spilled the contents of his cup. His spandex was kind of yellowish now. I think I even heard him meow. Drazin ripped his mask off and tried not to cough. His face was as ugly as a troll. It was clear his parents should have used birth control. But as I drew closer to this thing, my brain gave a ring. It was the stupid troll that got me caught by the Easter Bunny. This truly was funny. The big bad troll, looked like nothing more than a quivering mole.

"Drazin will just let all these folks see what happens when they stop believing in Santa. See kids! Your face shrivels up and gets stuck that way. Have a nice day!"

The crowd all scattered as Drazin tossed the troll aside. Their eyes were some wide and the look of disgust, could quell even the deepest amount of lust. The troll sprang to his feet and refused defeat.

"I will stop all holidays! The Lie Slayer will have his way!"

He laughed over the top and did some weird bunny hop, as he ran out of view and it seems we had a break through. Drazin no longer looks at us like slippers or a pair of flippers. He gave us a sly smirk and went back to being a jerk.

"Drazin still needs a hat. So watch out fleabags, Drazin will get you yet."

"Maybe when those godly powers show up you'll stand a chance."

Miss Priss laughed as we strolled away, heading back for our bay. Drazin did not even give chase. I guess today the spirit had him in its embrace. But who knows what future crap Drazin will do. After all he does have a loose screw. Also he's quite the hot air mass. And so ends another tale involving my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

46 comments:

  1. Excellent as always Pat, I absolutely love this buddy.

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  2. Cats as Santa,how fascinating
    But not what that Drazin thinks
    You've to give way
    Exposed as fakes in dismay
    Too much to take
    Doesn't really matter
    Drazin would not bother
    He likes the sound of his name
    Not take revenge
    Let him have his say
    Let him be on his way!

    Hank

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  3. The 2 year olds would see right through your disguise. They are wise to the lies of the world of adults. That Drazin's a jerk and it's time he was unmasked by Pat and his cat. Wearing cat fur for slippers, he should be shot and that's that.

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  4. Like the Drazin loon
    He'd fit well in an over the top cartoon

    Yeah Drazin doesn't think much I will say
    But he always try to cause dismay
    We send him packing though
    If on his way he just won't go

    haha yep they'd see right through
    A cat as Santa could not fool them or you
    Drazin is a big jerk
    Around us he always seems to lurk
    But he gets thrown in the garbage from time to time
    So we get him back for his third person talking chime

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  5. I wish my parents had used birth control. Then we wouldn't have had cleaning patrol. Left me with some OCD. At least my dogs never have a flea.

    Love,
    Lola

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  6. I love this Pat:) Ha really I never like all these Santas and never, I never sat on the lap of one of these fake Santas, and know what you Would say Pat:)

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  7. And here we have again the Easter bunny.....
    Really Pat I think for Easter I only will think in this Easter bunny..

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  8. I don't like that Drazin guy, he is overly suspicious to me!

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  9. haha bah OCD is good for most things
    As there is no dirt waiting in the wings
    Plus no fleas for your dogs
    So you don't scratch when you visit blogs

    Yeah some of those fake ones are scary
    Also rather hairy
    Not in the correct way
    Don't know how they expect to fool anyone with their display

    Thinking of my Easter bunny
    Oh that is quite funny

    Gloria had a good one
    Oh such fun

    hahaha what you aren't going to send Drazin a present
    You know the godly one may resent it

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  10. Drazin's becoming almost tolerable. Character development! Who'da thunk it???t

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  11. Ha!
    I'm reading this again... is Drazin OCD?
    I get so caught up in the flow I forget to actually listen to the words my brain is reading!

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  12. drazin wears elves for shoes, maybe that soft spot he has for christmas is stepping in their ooze..how does that fit your OCD blues...smiles.

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  13. LOL @ Drazin demanding furry slippers. hahaha Then again, who doesn't like a nice, warm, fuzzy pair of pink slippers to walk around in. Ok, I approve.

    A kitty cat Santa? I think someone could make mucho dinero off of that!

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  14. I've always been scared of the Santa's at the mall...so, I'd much rather see cats dressed as santa...They're much more cuddly and soft, too.

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  15. "Drazin captured one of those elves and it turns out they can't make toys worth a damn"

    This should've been less funny to me.

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  16. This sounds like a nightmare gone wrong. Or a bad acid trip, take your pick. :P

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  17. I guess he figures if you can't beat them use them or something like that
    After all it takes a lot to outsmart a cat
    And he doesn't seem to have much on the ball
    At least the one here at my hall

    haha no the cat/Pat is OCD
    Drazin is just plain ugly..haha
    But glad you like the flow
    Here at my show

    hahaha that is just ewwww
    My OCD would make me turn blue
    At just the sight of that
    Rather go eat a rat

    haha how did you know they were pink?
    Drazin thinks they are the missing link
    Now he can parade around acting like a God once more
    Because he no longer has bare feet when he walks across the floor

    hahaha well Drazin can be funny
    Sometimes right on the money

    Drazin is sure a trip
    Maybe the acid is why he gives us so much lip

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  18. haha now alicia is going to spam
    Guess blogger had to give a slam
    After all cats as Santa can be more cute
    Then some old fat guy in a suit..haha

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  19. i would not mind having a cat dressed as santa...just saying...and mathematicians have always been a bit ...ähmm...strange...smiles

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  20. haha yes a cat dressed as Santa would be a sight
    Mathematicians like your Drazin would also cause quite the fright

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  21. This is great! It's putting me in the Christmas spirit! (yes I'm warped)

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  22. Ha-nice tale. at the end there I couldn't help but hear the Ice Cube song "good day" playing in the background as the cats made there way without a chase-lol Good to see Drazin's "humanity" dare I say, for a bit at least, not sure I'm happy he got his slippers, as elves are interesting creatures, but the leprechauns on the north pole, now that just shows the little that Drazin knows. It's funny, I came across a picture of my dogs we took a few years ago, Toby has a santas hat on and Chelsea has what's supposed ot be a Mrs. Claus get-up on. They look thrilled by the way. I was thinking of posting it up as Christmas gets closer. So yeah, the thought of the cats in christmas attire is so wrong, yet so fun to do. Anyhow, great tale, thanks.

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  23. Drazin. Parents should've used birth control. :D You're so creative~ :o) <3

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  24. Well, well, well, I say!
    What did the mailman bring me today?
    Orlin, you succeeding in making me blush
    and I had to tell Santa to hush!
    lol.....

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  25. hahaha hey I have to be a bit warped to write the thing
    Who says one needs to sing
    As a rhyme can bring the spirit on
    From my rhyming lawn

    That's an interesting take on it
    Playing that would sure make it a hit
    Yeah they hate putting clothes on at all
    Right now Cassie has a nice pink bootie wrapping her foot at my hall
    Damn cat won't leave it be
    And cost me money..hahaha
    That also has to be posted by you
    The cat will love humilating your dog crew..haha

    Glad it's always a great read
    Here at my feed

    haha creative I can be
    Here at my rhyming see

    hahahaha what? Who me?
    Bah must be from someone's see
    They were just pretending to be the cat
    But didn't santa have a very nice ermmm ummm hat?..hahaha

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  26. Oh yeah, Santa's hat was nice
    But I didn't look twice.
    lol....
    Wouldn't that other thing cause the cat some pain?
    Just imagining it to be so
    would make them cringe, don'tcha know.
    ha.

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  27. hahaha see one look and you got the spirit
    Or as the cat said he made you fear it..haha
    They were interested in the meowing it made when you shove a pencil in
    Not sure they grasped how sharpening there is a sin..haha

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  28. Well, I told you that you were sweet.
    And you've proved it...you, all three.

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  29. The OCP act (not book number 2 guys..haha)
    Have to get off this sweetness track..haha

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  30. Now you know how I feel when they do that to me!

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  31. OCP? oh gosh, that was funny
    yeah, I might start to call you honey.

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  32. and a pink booty for Cass now?
    She just couldn't leave it alone? Wow.
    At least it's pink and girly
    that would make Orlin's fur curly!
    lol....

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  33. I was once (or twice) an elf at a mall, and I think two cats would have done better than many a man I worked with. And if worse came to worse, they could have clawed out the eyes of the annoying parent who complained that Santa had to take a bathroom break NOW.

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  34. haha guess we have to take turns
    Getting the sweetness burns..haha

    haha well you did give me the idea for OCP after all
    As you said it when book number 1 was being done at my hall
    Orlin might say strat a few dozen times to that
    If honey kept appearing at his mat..haha

    Yep, she really really screwed it up this weekend with her OCD trend. So I took her today and it got lasered, clean and wrapped with a nice pink bandage on display. Also have to make her pop a pill two times a day. That is a thrill I must say..haha...stupid Orlin scratched her paw and then she bit it raw, is what I think now. Maybe I should have bought a pet cow..haha

    hahahaha yeah the cats could have come in handy for that
    The parents are the ones who seem to turn into a real brat

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  35. Haha this was very entertaining, good post!

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  36. Glad I can entertain
    Here at my rhyming lane

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  37. Yep OCP was my idea you see
    and that gives me such glee!
    Wow, Cass really did it this time
    Popping pills down a cat is not sublime!
    Been there, done that
    Used to have to straddle the cat
    like we were riding their back
    just to get it down the track.
    Took two of us, too
    So if you do it alone, you're better than those at my zoo!

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  38. Oh we have a system after all the crap
    With the previous pill lap
    Just sit on her and open her yap
    Throw the pill in and close her trap
    Then she usually gets annoyed and swallows at some point
    And her nose does get out of joint..haha

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  39. yep, you have to sit on them
    even if it does not make them grin.
    Hope she gets better soon
    and doesn't start to call you a loon.
    ha

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  40. I agree, chimes are worthless. Great post !!

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  41. Be better already
    If she didn't pick at it steady
    The thoughts of cats
    Sometime they don't go past eating rats..haha

    You mean those chime things
    They can give certain rings..haha

    Miss Priss does have quite the sass
    Sometimes she is mean though to my little rhyming ass

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  42. i don't have a shine on my head just yet
    ms priss will just have to wait
    what we're talking about here is fate
    sorry i'm late

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  43. haha it's fate you will go bald you say?
    Oh that must cause some dismay
    But you never know
    But that time could have new and improved hair grow

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