It was a nice and sunny day when a letter came under the door our way. Being the cat I am I tore it to shreds but Miss Priss decided to read a few threads. A cat that can read. Hey, why not? I rhyme at my feed. Anyway, it was from that Drazin nut, which had us figuring he was back in his cat slipper rut. But as Miss Priss read what was left. It seemed he wanted our help with a theft. We figured it was a trick yet we were curious and besides, it's been a while since we one upped that so call god prick.
So off we went to a department store of all places, with short, fat, big, tall and every other human scrunched up in little spaces. All after that last minute bargain and some even speaking techno jargan. Then a shadow set upon our back and we turned around ready for an attack. There was baldy Drazin with his eyes all a glow and it wasn't long before he began to crow.
"If all Drazin had to do was send you a letter, Drazin would have done that months ago. It would have saved Drazin so much trouble. Drazin never would have had to see bug eyes either. Drazin still holds you two fleabags responsible for that."
He said his name another few dozen times and as he went about his worthless chimes, we noticed his feet weren't bare. They were actually covered in slippers made of cat hair. He noticed we were looking and gave a smile. I swear the damn thing stretched a mile.
"So you two fleabags noticed Drazin's new slippers? You see Drazin captured one of those elves and it turns out they can't make toys worth a damn. Drazin heard Leprechuans do that anyway. But Drazin found out they can make some nifty shoes. So Drazin squeezed their neck until The Great God Drazin once more had nice warm slippers to cover Drazin's feet."
"Did you just invite us here to say your name over and over? I have to admit though you look so much more godly now with slippers on."
Miss Priss rolled her eyes at the so called godly one and he asked if we were ready to have some fun. It seems the Santa's in the mall had all gone over the wall. Some guy called the Lie Slayer was around acting all profound. He made the kiddies cry exposing the fake Santa's as a lie. Drazin said he wanted to let this guy prove him a lie but it was clear he wanted this guy to die. I guess Drazin had a soft spot for Christmas or something to that affect and wanted to protect. We figured if Scrooge could change, maybe Drazin could too, no matter how strange.
But the part he neglected to tell the cat, is he wanted me to put on the Santa hat. It seems he only appeared when a new Santa came to the mall. Drazin thought a cat pretending to be Santa would really get him to answer the call.
"Why don't you just do it? The shine from your bald head to bright for the kids?"
"Drazin wouldn't be caught dead in that thing."
"I guess it's a good things gods don't die then, huh?"
"Red clashes with Drazin's eyes. So shut up fleabag. You get to play Santa's little wife."
Miss Priss and Drazin argued forever. I have to admit she was quite clever. Then we dressed up and sat in the chair. I really think even the two year olds were aware. For cats as Santa just don't work. Some of the kids even went berserk. The screaming seemed to attract this guy, as the Lie Slayer caught me eye. He was dressed in purple spandex of course, yapping about how us fakers needed to show remorse.
"We need to show remorse? You rip off Barney and we need to show remorse?"
"Quiet, you small creatures! I will show the world what fakes you really are."
He trotted up and yanked off our Santa clothes and wiggled his little bull nose. He acted all proud, like he made a big reveal to the crowd.
"Oh no! You exposed a couple of cats. Great job Barney! You going to sing I love you, you love me now?"
"I'm not Barney! Shut up fleabags!"
He went to step on Miss Priss and I but then he began to wet himself and started to cry.
"Drazin is the only one that calls them fleabags. Drazin was waiting to get a chance at you. So do you think Drazin is a fake? Or is Drazin truly a god?"
"You're a god, you're a god. Please Mr. God sir. Let me go!"
Drazin curled his nose up as the Lie Slayer looked like he spilled the contents of his cup. His spandex was kind of yellowish now. I think I even heard him meow. Drazin ripped his mask off and tried not to cough. His face was as ugly as a troll. It was clear his parents should have used birth control. But as I drew closer to this thing, my brain gave a ring. It was the stupid troll that got me caught by the Easter Bunny. This truly was funny. The big bad troll, looked like nothing more than a quivering mole.
"Drazin will just let all these folks see what happens when they stop believing in Santa. See kids! Your face shrivels up and gets stuck that way. Have a nice day!"
The crowd all scattered as Drazin tossed the troll aside. Their eyes were some wide and the look of disgust, could quell even the deepest amount of lust. The troll sprang to his feet and refused defeat.
"I will stop all holidays! The Lie Slayer will have his way!"
He laughed over the top and did some weird bunny hop, as he ran out of view and it seems we had a break through. Drazin no longer looks at us like slippers or a pair of flippers. He gave us a sly smirk and went back to being a jerk.
"Drazin still needs a hat. So watch out fleabags, Drazin will get you yet."
"Maybe when those godly powers show up you'll stand a chance."
Miss Priss laughed as we strolled away, heading back for our bay. Drazin did not even give chase. I guess today the spirit had him in its embrace. But who knows what future crap Drazin will do. After all he does have a loose screw. Also he's quite the hot air mass. And so ends another tale involving my little rhyming ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.