Thursday, December 8, 2011

Jiggle Jugs And The Drugs!

The crazies were out in full force yesterday. As Pat went to Wal-mart to play. Yeah, I know he said he was done with stores. But thanks to a certain Miss Priss on all fours. He had to go get peroxide stuff. Although it is fun watching her get into quite the huff. Ever try holding a cat's foot in a bowl of peroxide before? It tends to spill all over the floor. That is a whole other story though. Now on with the show.

So as Pat was going in up came a guy smelling like a garbage bin. Okay, it was more like dope and he pretended to mope. He pointed to a nearby car and said it was his. He jiggled like he needed to whiz and then said he was out of gas. Could I spare some change as I pass?

What he did not know was Pat saw him point to a car in another space below, while he was telling his tale to some other guy trying not to show either red eye. I guess he was just too high and Pat did not even bother to lie. He asked to see the gas gauge and the guy quickly ran off no longer wanting to engage.

Pat thought that was that. When lets call "him" Jiggle Jugs scurried along side him like a rat. A very large rat that is. Playing Santa surely had to be his biz. His tummy sure shook like a bowl full of jelly. But at least he wasn't smelly. Why Jiggle Jugs you say? Let me just tell you his tummy wasn't the only thing shaking on display.

So Jiggle Jugs said the guy tried to fool him too and this is really when Pat knew he had a loose screw.

"Kids shouldn't have Santa Claus. That is what happens to so many when they have such a thing."

Were the exact words he flung. I did hear this last year on the net slung. But this was the first nut that actually said it face to face. Which was becoming blue because he couldn't keep up with Pat's quick pace. How the two worked together not even I know. But Pat just wanted him to go.

"What you don't believe me? Just look at all the things he represents. Look at all the parents never getting recognition, all the commercilization and poor Jesus getting the shaft."

Alright, the first two I could have seen Jiggle Jugs saying. But the last one just the way he said it you could tell he was only playing. Playing as in one of those people who try and pretend they are smart feeling better about themselves by ranting in the parking lot of Wal-mart. I bet he saw it on a poster and thought it was good. Or one of those end of the world road signs made of cardboard, not wood.

Jiggle Jugs would not leave Pat be. I guess parking so far away to get a little extra exercise back fired today at our sea. The two had no correlation at all. Yet he kept up with his Santa Claus call. Following right into the store and was really starting to bore.

"Think about it. They resent the parents because years later they find out they were had."

"Riiiight I see so many kids doing that now. You're just jealous." Pat muttered under his breath, feeling this guy was on meth. Or some other drug, as Jiggle Jugs would not stop staring with his ugly mug.

"Jealous of what?"

Pat should have bit his tongue. But this guy needed his bell rung. Even though he could squash Pat completely flat. You'd need an air compresser to blow him back up after that or I would be an orphan cat. But this guy was surely getting on his nerves. So he did not bother with any polite swerves.

"That he gets liked for his jolly belly and you don't."

Pat walked faster and got away. Jiggle Jugs stood rather stunned and looked to be in a bit of dismay. But seconds later Pat heard him speak talking to some nearby lady about how Santa wasn't unique. That was all Pat got of that and quickly turned the corner avoiding any more of his chat. Isn't Pat just so mean? Not making Jiggle Jugs feel lean. First nut he actually ever had do that and many a nut has been dealt with by Pat. I guess drugs just bring out the Jiggle Jugs.

So what do you say? Do you agree with Jiggle Jugs Face it Facts today? Does poor Santa Claus make kids resent parents in later years? Pfffft riiiiiight! I think he had one too many beers. And Pat did not even get crass. But Jiggle Jugs does sound scary to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

45 comments:

  1. Excellent as always Pat, love it! :)

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  2. Well Pat, I bought the first book in your series this morning and you unfollowed me. I guess being nice doesn't pay does it? In case your puzzled, the purchase was made under my husbands name. It starts with a K and sounds like Kelly. Can I have a refund please?

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  3. Glad it was enjoyed
    As the nut annoyed

    I think blogger is having some fun with you
    As no unfollowing was done, very true
    Or maybe all that alcohol is making you see things
    I hear delusions too much of it brings..hahaha

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  4. "and many a nut has been dealt with by Pat"
    you're not talking about me, are you?

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  5. hahaha hmmmm how should I answer that
    I'll just give you a grin while I protect myself with a baseball bat

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  6. I guess I shouldn't have eaten the worm. But really, you're not showing up from my screen at all. Right after you posted, you fell off my page and I thought "Holy shit, I've pushed the half naked women bit too far for the cats taste" I'll read the book this weekend and let you know how it goes hahaha.

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  7. If the guy is on meth... may as well join him.

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  8. Yeah Blogger does that to me all the time
    It's some sort of glitch crime
    It will show older followers and not the most current ones
    Some days for me it take away tons
    Ohhh and you can NEVER push the cat or pat too far
    Unless you show tons of completely naked men at your bar
    Then I will just have to go and hide
    Because on that day my eyes will have died..hahaha

    haha yeah I'll leave more for you
    that crap the cat does not do

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  9. Sounds like JJ needed his meds... LOL! As for Santa and resentment, I never felt it. I feel resentment as an adult b/c I do all the work and a jolly ole elf gets all the credit... BAH!!! :D

    No, it's all good fun. Merry Christmas, guys~

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  10. It takes all kinds to pull a fast one
    Found everywhere a car park no exception
    Make a run for it from those heavy on drugs
    Lest they be violent, turned out to be thugs

    Hank

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  11. LMAO This is exactly why I boycott walmart. It's the crazies lurking ground!!!

    Jiggle Jugs? hahaha So all 3 three things were jiggling? Bleh! And kudos to you for parking far away to get extra exercise :)

    but hahaha at the Jesus comment made by your new FRIEND!

    and no, NOONE resents their parents for the Santa Claus lie. This guy was clearly on crack...that would explain all his extra energy. lol!

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  12. it rhymed perfectly as always :P

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  13. ignorance is bliss. that's what it's like being kids and i don't think most of us resent parents for wanting a normal childhood. i'm sure many do though.

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  14. Wanted to do you a rhyme but just too early for tiny brain. Resent your parents for giving you presents?? Is he on drugs ... oh yeah, he is! Love your posts :)

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  15. hahaha never thought about it the adult way
    But I can see how that might lead to some resentment at least at my bay
    Yeah it's all good fun though
    Jiggle Jugs just had a little too much blow

    Yeah it was more public and he was alone
    And more of a whiny tone
    So there was no running needed this time
    But yes I can sure take off when needed too if thugs try to commit a crime

    hahaha never really seen that many crazies here
    It must be the christmas cheer
    Three as in his man boobs and gut
    If I seen anything else I would have yelled cut..haha
    I always park farther away
    One it's exercise and to it's less hassle to get in and out as no one is in the way
    Yep truly can't see anyone resenting them on bit
    This guy truly had a crack filled fit

    My rhyming will shine through
    That you knew

    Yeah so very true
    I bet that nut prob didn't get his red rider bb gun so this crap came due

    hahaha I guess I'll cut you some slack
    Wouldn't want you to have a heart attack..haha
    Yep answered your own questions too
    Also nice that the cats posts are loved by you

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  16. what a wacka doodle this jiggle jugs poodle, i think santa is a cool guy, riding the sky in his sleigh night and day, because night here is day there and it takes a while to get everywhere and i think this is just what you get for going to walmart, you see things there that will make your heart start, cat in peroxide, you want them to be blond, next thing you know they'll want to sun bath by the pond, i guess they are hurt which i am sad to hear, my cat has a small cut on her ear, seems there was a tift or a wrestling match somewhere in the neighborhood by my old hutch

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  17. oh man (or cat)all those sound .....amazing???Personally never loved so much Santa (or these man LOOK like Santa

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  18. haha yeah stinking walmart is such a pain
    Sometimes makes me want to pop a vein
    As this guy just proves jiggling his jugs
    The cat would rather deal with pugs
    Yeah dumb Miss Priss keeps chewing her paw
    Sometimes nice and raw
    So in the bowel of peroxide she goes
    Three times a day to her and my woes

    haha sound amazing you say
    You aren't a crazy walmart stalker too down your way?

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  19. Merry Christmas man :D
    or not ? ;D ;)

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  20. haha go with the or not on this one
    Jiggle Jugs was no fun

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  21. When I saw the title Jiggle Jugs And The Drugs! I thought it was gonna be a sexy story! But it was still quite amusing!

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  22. Golly, I thought the beauty of cold outside
    was that your jiggle jugs remained INside.
    But, I guess you see all kinds at Walmarts:
    a hobo, a bum, a panhandler who farts.

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  23. Oh dear. Glad you got away
    and they didn't pummel you into hay
    You have aggressive beggars there
    guess you better watch and beware!

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  24. So how many scratches do you have now
    from holding down Cassie to soak her "oww"?

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  25. I was tricked. I read Jiggle Jugs and thought something completely different 8(

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  26. He probably just resents it himself. Crazy people are crazy. The only thing wrong is shoving it down others' throats.

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  27. With regards to all these rhymes you spout,
    What are you bangin on about?
    To plough through your scribblings takes quite a while
    It's just as well you make me smile!

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  28. Pat, you had much more patience than I could ever have shown. His idea is ludicrous for sure, the meth or beer or whatnot was certainly clouding up his mind and from the sound of it everyone else's nose. Funny, one night, back in college a homeless guy asked for some money so he could buy some food. He reeked of booze and was right in front of a 24 hour store that was right next door to a pizza joint. So, the good samaritan I was back then- oh the naivety- I went into the pizza place and bought him a slice, which turns out it was that time of night when it was buy one get one. So I paid the couple bucks and gave the man both slices. He looked at them, then at me and I still remember he said What's this, I said you wanted food. He said some obscenities and threw the slices on the concrete. Last time I ever helped out a bum. Thanks

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  29. Even Canada has crazies around Walmart! Yeah it's not as bad as in the States but still! Avoid it more often in the future! I'm sure Superstore has peroxide.

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  30. LOL! This is another one of my favs. JJ does need to chill out ;)

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  31. Jiggle jugs..ha..ha...such fun to read tonight ~

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  32. hahaha you always have your mind in the gutter don't you?
    Is that why you get so berserk you turn blue?..hahaha

    hahaha yes those panhandler farts are rather crude
    Well Jiggle Jugs is just rather rude
    Guess the cold doesn't keep them away
    Then again it hasn't been that cold up my way

    yeah first I've seen of it
    Hopefully last one around me that has a fit
    If they every tried anything though
    I'd pull a fox and run them down just so you know..haha

    Only a few new scratches did insight
    But I've had so many it barely stings any more, just a rather ugly sight

    hahaha yes that was my game plan
    Aren't I a tricky man
    Errr umm cat
    Damn that Pat

    Yep that is what I took from his rant too
    Too bad he has to bother others pressing his view

    Yeah they don't really want the kind of help you would give
    Thinking they don't need that to live
    Just their habit they want to fix
    With their stupid tricks
    Learned that the naive way too
    Never again will it ensue
    But I do have some patience to spare
    Until they real start raising my neck hair

    Yeah not quite as bad
    But a crazy time can be had
    Superstore was farther away
    Next time I'll make the extre 5 minute trip from my bay..haha

    Glad lots of laughing did ensue
    From Jiggle Jugs spouting nothing new haha

    Yep JJ needs a chill pill
    For I sure had my fill
    Jiggle Jugs is a fav too
    What's wrong with you?...hahahaha

    Glad I gave a fun read
    As always hopefuly at my feed..haha

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  33. hahaha yep that is so true
    Guess after all my trips I was due

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  34. the most insane X-mas story EVER!

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  35. haha yippeeee I get the most insane X-mas story ever
    Aren't I just so clever

    The rhyming will always come
    From my little rhyming bum

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  36. haha..fun read...love the air compresser... a shame we don't have walmarts over here...but we do have santa clauses..smiles

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  37. Someone had to tell the Dude the facts. There are all kinds of people out there Pat, and you can't understand them all. Some things/people just exist.

    .........dhole

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  38. hahaha no not a shame at all
    Keep walmarts far far away from your hall..haha

    Yeah there are all kinds here and there
    And ever friggin where
    Trying to push their beliefs onto you
    But then I just think whoopdi friggin doo..haha

    I will agree
    What else can you expect out of me

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  39. This really happened, huh? "Jiggle Jugs," no less! Damn!

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  40. That probably really was Santa in disguise,
    right before your eyes
    you comment will have made him pissed
    and now you're on the naughty list!
    and in the US pissed means angry, not drunk like on the other side of the pond...just to clarify)

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  41. Yep, first nut at walmart I ever got
    I guess he wanted to get me out of my rut

    hahaha if it was Santa I hope no kid sees him
    No only can he make the lights go dim
    But smelled kind of funny
    Definitely more foul then sunny

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