You ready for the cats advice? It may not sound so nice. You may want me to choke on some mice or wish I'd get lice. Maybe even want to slice n' dice or tell me to go suck on some rice. I may say it more than twice but I'm prepared to pay the price. Plus you may think the cat is as cold as ice for ragging on you humans stupid vice but to be precise, it's about as meaningful as that Jesus toaster device. So your resolution crap I will splice and being mean will have to suffice.
Now is the time of year,
When one gives a cheer.
Saying they will do this and that.
Just annoying this cat.
For a New Year's resolution,
Continues its mind pollution.
Like some big magic trick,
Will happen and the thing will stick.
Got news for you,
That is just not true.
Saying it on the first of the year,
Does not kick it into gear.
Only in a fantasy world called your head,
You know, that thing you use the pillow for in bed.
Does this ever seem reasonable at all.
Now let's recall.
Hmmm you thought of this five months ago.
And were just waiting for New Year's to show.
Then you can spurt if off,
Pretending you don't need to be dunked in a horse trough.
So now you get to act all big and bright,
For one WHOLE night!
Whoopdi frggin doo,
Tomorrow you will still be you.
So you'll procrastinate some more,
Rolling around and whine on the floor.
Ohhh it's too hard.
Two days later, resolution = discard.
Because guess what schmuck,
You can yell Lord love a duck.
But those five WHOLE months you waited.
Like this resolution was fated.
You could have had whatever it is done.
In five WHOLE months, most normal people, can do a ton.
But ohhhhh no.
A New Year's resolution just had to flow.
Now you've gone from bright to dim,
And things still look just as grim.
Instead of doing it and it's done.
You just had to wait and let your mouth run.
But wait there are only 364 days left,
Maybe you can comitt a theft.
Find a better idea to steal.
And just maybe it will become real.
So the cat's advice to all,
Whether short or tall.
Take the resolution and stick up your you know,
Lock your lips and don't let one flow.
When you want to do something do it.
Don't wait for some stupid day to hit.
Because if you don't do it then,
What are the chances you'll do it when you spout it out again?
That's right pretty small.
You'll still be behind the eight ball.
Get smacked upside the head by a cue.
Aren't you glad you came to view?
Were these Face it Facts kind of harsh? Maybe they'll help get you out of that marsh. As the cat has heard quite a few, say the same thing over and over and over until they turn blue, with each New Year's that comes to pass and yet they still sit on their lazy ass.
Oh and notice the 2 days and 364 I said. Nope, not messed up in the head. As it's leap year this year remember? So of the resolution crap are you a member? Or have you wised up and are no longer a silly pup? Either way when you raise your glass you now have read the opinion of my little rhyming ass.
Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.