Monday, December 5, 2011

Ways To Increase! My Liking May Decrease!

These facts today will surely help you in their own way. As there are plenty of ways to increase the things you want. So here I go with my increasing taunt.

Although I will be avoiding body parts at my mat.
Sorry if your chest is flat.
Sure you have ways to deal with that.
But here is some other increasing ways from the cat.

You want to get taller?
Hang around people that are smaller.
Want to be shorter?
Make a wish with a quarter.

Have faster typing speed?
uhashfakf! Did I plant the seed?
Warning, some may not be able to read.
May not do well for your feed.

Increase your credit score?
Pffft only if you start a war.
Get more gambling addicts to call?
Offer a prize for every fourth caller at your hall.

Make your compter run faster?
It could end in a disastor,
But stick it to a jet.
Be the fastest it will ever go I bet.

Get a pregnant wife?
Play the game of Life.
Could get twins with ease,
Cheat and have as many as you please.

Increase your land?
Give your neighbor a helping hand,
Putting up that fence.
I know a false pretense.

But make is so pretty,
That taking it down would be a pity.
Poof there you go,
Increased land at your show.

Traffic to your blog?
Pretend to be a dog.
Oh whoops! Cats rule and dogs drool,
Maybe it works with a mule?

Increase brain power?
Lock someone with a brain in a tower.
Or take a cold shower,
Whoops, I wasn't supposed to empower.

Increase your exercise?
Get those batteries that energize.
You'll just keep going and going,
From all the battery acid you may even start glowing.

Increase relationship stuff?
You know what makes you huff and puff.
That can be done with ease,
If only you didn't diddle around and catch a disease.

I so wanted to say something about knees,
But that wasn't alright with Louise.
So I'll stop the birds and the bees,
And forgo any type of squeeze.

Increase your money?
Buy the stuff that looks funny.
Then you go and spend some,
And now have lots of fake money of some useless bum.

I never said it would be worth a thing.
So don't let that hate sling.
So did you like my increase research?
Now now don't swear, that's not the way of the church.

Yes, I know in order for some things to increase others will decrease. I guess you will have to decrease what you want to increase. So others will increase and you can live with the decrease, giving your life a new lease. And now you all I will release. Glad I never have an increase in gas then all would avoid my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

45 comments:

  1. I'll stick my computer to a jet, only after I see you doing the same with yours :)

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  2. Excellent Pat.

    I can relate to "You want to get taller?
    Hang around people that are smaller." I have used this strategy to dominate my son's elementary school pick-up basketball games for a couple of years now. Get that out here kid!

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  3. haha you provide me with access to a jet
    And I will attach the thing and tell it to get
    Then it will be your turn
    Let's hope the harddrive doesn't burn

    hahahaha picking on the poor kiddies by rejecting their shots
    The cat likes that lots...haha

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  4. Want to have a zoo?
    Set out cat food and call "Meew!"

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  5. Gawd... glowing from batteries... it doesn't bear thinking about where that took my mind...yes, it would be the gutter! LOLOL

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  6. The first stanza really speaks to us women. And taking the principal of balance in mind, I've decided to take the fat from my rump and use it to make my boobs bigger.It's a win-win situation.

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  7. So all I need to do is hang around shorter people? Does that mean that I need to get a new group of friends under the age of 10? lol!!

    Glowing from battery acid...hmmm That would make a VERY interesting blog entry. Ever hear of those Chinese glow in the dark cats?

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  8. A likely situation of a zero sum game
    Story of an increase by a pretty hot dame
    She'll pile bit by bit but watch it man
    Squeezed your dough off leaving you lame
    Cry your heart out but none to blame

    Hank

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  9. would you like some cat ?
    i've about 7 cat in my hood

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  10. I love this Pat. Absolute genius once again! Bow down to the king, you're awesome. And the way you manage to update every single day... Honestly I'm really damn envious of you and your talent, you're a great blogger.

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  11. this is one of my favorites! Very good!!!! And thanks for the chuckle!

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  12. starting wars to increase credit scores is brilliant...ha...lol betsy too with her zoo...spend money to get more not sure that will take you far, but thats what the men in char-ge want you to think...

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  13. hahaha I guess a skunk and a raccoon come too
    Along with a snake to join your crew
    Maybe they are confused with the Meew cry
    Give a elephant call a try..hahaha

    LOL oh such gutter play on your mind
    I think it was caught by my rhyming behind
    But I just went gutter all the same
    Aren't you supposed to be tame?..haha

    hahaha there you go such a great win-win
    Maybe you should make that into a pin
    And pass it along
    Could even create a song

    hahaha you never know
    May learn a thing or two from the ten year old show
    I may have to see what I can do
    With the glowing battery acid thanks to you
    And yeah heard of those cats
    Stupid Chinese ding bats

    haha very true
    No one to blame but you
    For such a game
    Damn that dame

    Two cats are just fine
    The others can stay at your line

    Envious of me
    I guess then we are both a little crazy..haha
    Who knows how long I can keep up the daily stuff
    But I will until my fingers have had enough

    A favorite and a chuckle too
    Glad it was fun for you

    hahaha yeah that one just popped my head
    So true it brings a bit of dread
    You're twin was correct in her zoo as well
    Maybe she should get a little bell
    That's what they wish
    Hoping you'll just follow like fish

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  14. Thanks for the tips
    straight from the cat's lips
    Most sound pretty sound
    although I have found
    wile going through life,
    I don't want a pregnant wife.
    but I'll take your other advice
    in a thrice, if it's nice,
    so don't think twice,
    and don't roll the dice.
    It's not to high a price
    for the required sacrifice.

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  15. So I need to be a dog, eh? It almost makes sense. Almost.

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  16. damn you are one rhyming master
    i hope my rhyme won't seem like disaster
    you're passion is quite evident
    it's clear your post brings enlightenment

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  17. Fun Facts From Pat Hatt: The Movie, forthcoming Spring 2012.

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  18. The cat would more likely eat the dice
    Like they were mice
    And then they would come out his rhyming behind
    So rolling dice here you will never find
    Or at least never see
    Who knows with me..haha

    But almost only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades I hear
    So could be a dog I fear..haha

    Not a disaster one bit
    A great little rhyming fit
    Passion for being a nut
    Stuck in a rhyming rut
    Yep that's me
    Here at bush number three

    hahaha can't beat homeward bound
    Even with those dogs around

    Irony I added and then some
    Was such fun with my little rhyming bum

    Do I get a comission
    From each admission
    The cat and Pat would love that
    Even just a red carpet mat

    haha if war takes a detour
    bye bye credit score

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  19. Pat oh I would really love rhyme but can't in English at least:)

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  20. haha well if you rhyme another way
    I'm sure it would be quite the display
    But I would not be able to tell what it meant
    Still would not get bent..haha

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  21. An elephant call
    I'm not sure I could at all
    Would be funny to hear me try,
    the sound might make you die! ha.

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  22. hahaha yes I would laugh quite a lot
    If your were caught
    And the thing was posted to your blog
    Maybe it sound like you were warning of fog..hahaha

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  23. Pat good idea I can rhyme in spanish(lol)

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  24. Clever and funny!

    PS Excuse my brain cells for lacking rhyme.
    I've got nothing right now.
    But maybe next time.

    xoRobyn

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  25. My chest, it's true, is flat.
    But, I'm a dude
    so I'm okay with that.
    But, Little Al makes me feel dumb
    For tis no longer than my thumb.

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  26. A spanish rhyme would be interesting indeed
    Just wouldn't be able to make heads or tails of it at my feed..haha

    I supposed I can excuse your one time
    For once isn't a crime
    But twice
    And I might not be so nice..haha

    hahaha well if you have big hands
    Your thumb may compliment other umm glands
    But if your fingers are small
    Some issues may befall

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  27. warning of fog
    or sounding like a hog
    I'm not sure I could spell it
    much less yell it!
    hahahaha.

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  28. maybe in the future anyway you can translate:)

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  29. haha that makes two
    As I can't spell it just like you
    Yell it who knows
    As out of the cat crazy flows

    Yes translating I can do
    Just give Google a view

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  30. Google?? come on Pat Im sure you have other translator, anyway to a view maybe, is only google sometimes is so funny in the translate:)

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  31. I'm sure if I offered these pieces of advice to my friends they'd smack me.

    (That won't stop me from giving it to them though...)

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  32. Yeah I could find a translator thingy
    If you gave a spanish comment ringy dingy...haha

    hahahaha sounds like just what I would do
    I think we can handle a smack or two..haha

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  33. getting a pregnant wife is the way to lose the game of life

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  34. Ohh.. the pregnant wife.. was rude :(

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  35. My comment didn't show up last night but
    I wanted to tell you that I enjoyed this
    tale specially the birds and bees ~

    Have a nice day ~

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  36. Pat! I dont speak "ringy dingy spanish" ,:)

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  37. hahaha if it's the actual game could be
    But then you extend your family tree

    hahaha I love being rude
    And a tad crude

    Nice
    Do you want lice?

    Geez stupid error 503
    Causing you flack when you come to visit me
    Glad you liked at least
    The birds and the bees together are quite the beast..haha

    Not even a little ringy dingy your way
    Ringy Dingy is just so fun to say

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  38. Fun piece. Bit of marketing, bit of New Age Guru, seems the cat is expanding his show. Well we already knew he was psychic, so why not a Dr. Phil-like rival, could be fun or could make the cat reach for a gun-lol The dog blog is out there too, but they see a cat or mailman or ….and they're through. And dogs can't rhyme so well either. Yet, on a different not, with the increase this, decrease that train of thought, there really is a lot to say about balance, which is about as good a goal to strive for as I can think of, so why not. Great read. thanks

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  39. List can go on n on...

    "Have faster typing speed?
    uhashfakf! Did I plant the seed?" LOL

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  40. True never really thought about the balance side
    But increase decrease sure does balance out ones stride
    Becoming a Dr. Phil type
    Ewww I don't want to listen to people gripe..haha
    Yeah the dogs get to easily distracted
    So they blogs get redacted

    Ummmm go to a sumo match
    And watch a whole batch

    hahaha yes on and on indeed
    But did not want to bore at my feed

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