Friday, September 30, 2011

I Have The Touch! I Do Not Like It Too Much!

So when Pat was at work, Cassie was being a jerk. I went to tackle Miss Priss and slapped her one, making her hiss. But then she moved as I dove at her and began to purr. For a pile of DVDs fell on my head and then a few more, oh the dread.

Pat has these things going up the wall and down the hall. But I had to pick up the spill and of course Miss Priss left me to fit the bill. But like something straight out of Meteorman, it seemed I tuned into a new wave ban. For every one I touched to put back on the pile, I seemed to tune into that movie dial. Warning! This could get vile as I walk another movie mile.

Who is Keysor Soze? Maybe that nice blue jay? Wait! I didn't say To Kill a Mockingbird. Don't act like Aliens going all absurd.

Feeling a bit shagged, fagged and fashed are we? It's All About Eve I see. Now sit Up there is no time to go infinity and beyond for you, silly pup. Sin City is where you live and a Scarface I will give.

Having fun traveling down this Mystic River. A Beautiful Mind can be such a giver. You're going to eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder! The People Under the Stairs may consider that a blunder.

Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles, damn I'm tired now. I can't even let out a meow. I guess it's Gone With The Wind or I suffered a Breakdown and The Wrestler has me pinned.

Men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your wiener, then you're acting directly on its behalf. Oh don't laugh. Son of a bitch, he stole my line. I guess with Modern Times that's just fine.

The Apartment is almost clean. Gladiator's speech is making a scene. Maybe Some Like It Hot? I cast you out, unclean spirit! I guess not.

That American Beauty is causing much Heat. It's just too bad Twelve Monkeys make her complete. That's a tad Off Beat though. Maybe it's time to feel the glow?

I don't want any Stripes. But I am sorry The Elephant Man broke your pipes, as he came in like a Raging Bull and Chinatown is no longer full.

Richard Parker and I stole this money from the company to pay for my sex-change operation. Umm let's change to The Kid station. Not time for A Christmas Story. So go call back in old Glory.

There is nothing more frustrating than playing hide and seek with a deaf wolf, don't you think? That Full Metal Jacket sure does may you sink. He's got so many politicians in his pocket he walks with a limp. Maybe he should just have a Fast Five or a blimp.

That was a lot of work and that was just one pile picked up where I lurk. The rest I will save for Pat, for I am a crazy enough cat. Talking to myself here at my shelf in all those voices and such, is just too much. So alas, the following was based on a not so true story about my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

This Could Delight Or Death Threats It Could Incite!

As I was going to St. Ives, I met a cat who claimed to have ten lives. He was rather rude, yet seemed to be in a delightful mood. He asked me "what was up eh" and I told him to stuff his hay. I mean did I look like a cow? Making him think I needed hay some how?

It was clear he was trying to make fun of me but I just ignored him and went to flee. Speaking of that, he seemed to be one dirty cat. So I had to know and asked how someone like him had an extra life grow.

He spoke about how through his days, from darkened nights to basking in sunny rays, he had lost eight of his lives. I guess one was to a case of hives. Now he was one away from zero and knew he was some legendary hero. One plus zero was ten and now he had more lives at his den.

I told him he must be doing that American math and then he jumped in my path. He told me he would find bush number three and take a life from little old me. Then demanded I take it back or he would go up around Alaska and find my shack.

I laughed at him with such glee that he quickly ran up a tree. He came back with a rocket launcher on his back, telling me he was going to go on the attack. I asked if he was trying to over compensate for something and in the air his hands did fling.

"You making fun of my country?" he said, his eyes popping out of his head. I told him I was simply making fun of him for being so dim. Then continued to stroll on my way and he waited until I was a few feet away. He shouted to me, "So when you get lost and lose count, can I make fun of you?"

I turned and smiled, "Sure, because then I'd be an American too."

As per usual at my vault, this is by no means meant to insult. Just some Face it Facts I had in my head and figured I would go where they led. But if you want to go up around Alaska and find bush number three, go ahead as I like your geography. I heard that once more the other night, gave me such a fright. But alas I guess that was a boring class, so now no one can find my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Once Again Out In Blogland. Be Sure and Take This With a Grain of Sand!

I swear it is not me this time. Yes, I know I use it here and there when I rhyme. But it seems lately everywhere I go, to each and every show. There seems to be a fit about, well, shit. Some I took a liberty or two and added such things as I flew. But that is all the Face it Facts and now for the third time, I think, I go down the Irish drinking song tracks.

The Shit Fit Irish Drinking Song

Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!

It's done every day
In pretty much the same way
But lately it seems
To be going to extremes
It must be a full moon
As all seem to commune
Right outside your door
Even across your floor

Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!

Unless you live in Japan
I can send you a pringle can
It will scoop right in
Then off to the garbage bin
Or send Spud a receipt
As he thinks it's fun to eat
While Lola's dogs wipe it on one another
Getting to bathe with their mother

Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!

I also have come to suspect
With eleven cats much will collect
After all the free food
That must be kind of rude
And if you neighbor has a dog
Your shoe will fill with a brown log
Feces foot should be addressed
To which Brian and The Scribe can attest

Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!

What seems to be the deal
As this shit gets real
Blogland seems to have its share
So I'd double check your chair
As next time a brownie it might not be
That leaves a brown spot for all to see
And you'll literally walk around
Letting everyone know where the shit can be found

Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-diiii-deeee-diiii-deeee-diiiiiii!

So I guess I have to thank WaystationOne, My Five Men, The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom, Women: We Shall Overcome and Lanieblogs for such shitty inspiration here at my rhyming station. Don't you just feel all dirty now? I am sure you will get over it some how. From now on I will do a double pass, to make sure I have no shitty stories to give from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting, Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, It's dVerse Dating!

I wonder where your mind went when you saw the title I sent. Actually scratch that, it could not be any worse then the mind of the cat. But alas the Face it Facts of this one are not of an intimate sort. Let's see if you can get what I did at my fort.

Damn! I need to make a call.               Oh what's some radiation.
Where is a phone booth stall.              So what if it leads to castration.
I hear some guy changes in these.       I like my cell phone.
In winter things must freeze.               It always lets me bitch and groan.

Stop being so fizzy.                                      You don't have to go far.
My three whole channels make me dizzy.      Mine's as big as your car.
Why is life in black and white?                      50,000 channels from porn to grass.
That Godzilla suit sure is a fright.                   Just makes it easier to sit on your ass.

Why would you want that?                    Can fit in my pocket too.
It's as big as a flat.                               From anywhere I can track you.
Joshua has no need to play a game.      An instant rock star I can be.
Just drop the thing and it will maim.       Just have to strip and show my booty.

Stand and try to smile.                        Can go all snap happy.
This could take a while.                       Whether fun or sappy.
An hour goes by and wait for it.            With a phone, a button, even a pen.
No wonder you look cranky a bit.          Who's watching you in your den?

I don't have a match.                              Spins on a plate.
Guess we'll have to waste this batch.       Gut its fate.
Or just eat it raw.                                   A fact many seem to neglect.
Rubbing two sticks worked, Hurrah!         As chin and tummy begin to intersect.

What is that smell?                           Rubber as far as the eye can see.
We need to excel.                             Helping you with your shopping spree.
If only we had a few more horses.       While sucking you dry at the pump.
Or alternate fuel sources.                   Be safer to stay home and hump.

Slap your behind down.          Nice and white. 
Viewable to the whole town.    What a delight.
As the waste builds below.      And paper too.
Hey! We've all got to go.         The best idea that grew.

Dear editor you suck.                                     I really hate this crap.
I hate my luck.                                              Seconds later, poof in a blog lap.
By the time you read this I'll be a year older.    Connected instantly world wide.
And you sir, will be no bolder.                         Oops I may have lied.

Yet no matter the time.
No matter the reason or rhyme.
Today or way back when.
All is said through pen.

So their is my dVerse showing, by now you should be one of the knowing. But if you are still a tad confused and once again feel abused, never fear, as things will become clear. As time goes on and ideas begin to dawn. That's the best hint you'll get from me, at least for free. What? You still want a date lass? I think you really misunderstood my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Monday, September 26, 2011

An Interesting Cheer. Could Turn Into a Regular Thing I Fear!

The Face it Facts of this are simple enough and won't get too rough. For at work the other day, I got a phone call and some dumb person began to say, that I won a trip. Right! I gave them some lip and then went click. Not going to fall for their stupid trick.

So that coupled with the ideas forming in my head, is what brought on this little rhyming thread. As far as a regular thing goes. What to do, What to do was just so fun to compose, that I may have to do it for other things, from traffic to flings. Now enough with my yapping. It's time my What to do started flapping.

What to do, What to do
An Unwanted Phone Call Review

Hello! Hello!
Unwanted crap begins to flow.
So what can you do?
Here's a thing or two.

Breathe heavy into the phone.
Give off a little moan.
Talk in morse code.
Listen as their patience begins to erode.

Give ransom demands.
Talk with your hands.
Dial a number while still on the line.
Rant how cannibals are fine.

Repeat everything they say.
Pretending there is an echo at your bay.
Talk in rhyme.
It can be a fun time.

Grab some chips and chew real loud.
Change voices acting as if you're in a crowd.
Pretend you are a recording.
It can be so rewarding.

Talk really fast than slow than fast.
Their brain will be in a cast.
Ask for another quarter to continue.
Or the conversation will discontinue.

Answer everything with a question.
Or with a suggestion.
Answer everything with the same word.
Chirp like a bird.

Meow like a cat.
Pretend to be a pet from a dog to a rat.
Act like your drunk.
And in some ranting funk.

Pretend God has been reached.
And some word needs to be preached.
Talk in the third person.
Listen as things worsen.

Ask if they want a kangaroo.
Say you'll throw in a platapus too.
Constantly ask for Sue.
Pretend you're using the loo.

Say they've reached 911.
Or they should dial 69 for their sex fun.
Ask if they have a favorite scary movie.
Pretend to die cruelly.

Ask "Where's Waldo?" over and over.
Pluck a flower or clover.
"Hang up" "Don't Hang up" Hang Up"
Pretend to have the hiccups.

Claim you can smell them over the phone.
Act like you're stuck in a cyclone.
Give them the weather report.
Act like your commentating a sport.

So there are some alternatives to going click.
Warning! You could get pegged as a prick.
But oh it will be fun.
You know you want to try one.

So the first of What to do is through. Now you know something new and the next time you get a call, go ahead and have a ball.Throw in some of your own sass or just use the plenty given off by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I Heard You Claim That You Wanted To Play A Game!

I'm simply going to let you guess the Face it Facts of this. Unless you live under a rock most you can't miss. So it should be simple enough. But shhhh I won't tell if you find it rough. Oh wait! Don't count on that. I can be a rather big mouthed cat.

This could turn into a rather Trivial Pursuit. 
But you could win some loot.
That would be quite the Risk though.
For funny money type dough.

Although a Hungry Hungry Hippo might swing by.
Yeah, it's just so hungry it might die.
Then you'd be in Trouble.
Might go to jail on the double.

Do not pass go.
I have a Monopoly on little rhyming ass just so you know.
Sorry! It's all mine.
You and the hippo can go dine.

That could be taken out of context.
I might need some Diplomacy before you get vexed.
Maybe if I show pretty pictures.
Although with my Pictionary skills, I'd get tons of strictures.

It would look like a pile of Rummoli.
I'd have better luck being a goalie.
But I could set a Mouse Trap.
Even as I nap.

I could even send you a piece.
Mouse goes quite well with bacon grease.
Then after you can go to Candy Land.
Still the mouse is yummy and quite grand.

That comes from my Master Mind.
There is no other like my behind.
No! Don't undergo an Operation.
Avoid the plastic temptation.

What? You're brain is beginning to Scrabble.
I guess I will no longer dabble.
Can you Connect Four?
To see what I have in store?

You have no Clue?
What am I to do?
Maybe make you Guess Who?
Now, don't turn blue.

Yahtzee! Look you caught on.
It's about time things began to dawn.
As you go through those Snakes and Ladders.
Holding it and suffocating those poor bladders.

Now let go of that stress.
You can now play Chess.
What you like Checkers?
Yeah you and all the old people at Decker's.

Okay, I made that one up.
Don't send a Battleship after me for that hiccup.
Or toss me into Dungeons and Dragons.
Those things will roast me and my wagons.

Just when you think you caught on to me.
I'll yell Jenga with such glee.
In will come a rhyming Twister.
And your poor eyes will start to blister.

So just stroll on the boardwalk.
And don't squawk.
A parrot doesn't become you.
And now my board game rhyme is through.

Oh Damn! I spoiled it for you. I'm sorry it's no longer new. What? You really did catch on? Yeah, keep faking it at my lawn. But if you did not and was a tad slow, Poetical Psyche is where you have to go. Fred gave me the idea. So blame him for this cheer. Now simply just accept that you will never surpass my annoying, yet fun, little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Thoughts To Ponder From The Great Beyonder!

So this weird looking guy appeared all hologram like and I told him to take a hike. But he just kept staring, as I continued swearing. He then stated he was the Beyonder here through some type of transponder. He was doing research and had questions for me. So essentially he was some over glorified telemarketer, yippee!

He said he wanted the Face it Facts on the questions he presented. The dick stole my line, like it he had created or invented. I could not do much of course, since this bad looking Odin rip off of a hologram stood all Norse. Every time I gave him a whack, I just hit the floor of my shack. Stupid line stealing prick. There had to be some button to flick, getting rid of this clown, as he finally headed to question town.

"Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?"

How should I know? Does it look like I eat dough?

"Are eyebrows considered facial hair?"

My face is all hair, so what do I care.

"Can a short person talk down to a taller person?"

I believe they can with much sass. Now go back to your Star Wars convention and become one of those things that are all ass.

"Can you yawn in your sleep?"
"Is it still a day dream if it's night?"

You sure are boring, I'll let you know after I stop snoring.

"How come cats butts go up when you pet them?"

Because they either want to slap you or make you scratch their behind, it's true.

"Why do you say heads up, when you really mean duck?"

Because I hope you get run over by a truck and your questions suck.

"Do bald people get dandruff?"

Ask that Drazin guy, although beware he may lie.

"Can you still shove it where the sun don't shine, if it's sunny and you're on a nude beach?"

Why don't you go try. Oh wait! That's a horrible image, but if you do I hope certain parts fry.

"Why do you press the start button to turn off the computer?"

I guess it's too complicated to make a turn off switch or it could have been a glitch.

"Where do people in hell tell other people to go?"

I'll tell you to piss up a rope, afterwards clean with some soap.

"When caught between a rock and a hard place, is the rock not hard?"

Let's test that theory. I'll biff a few rocks and you can tell me if you're still cheery.

"If pro and con are considered opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?"

Hmmm that one is rather good, use that I should.

"If something is new and improved, how can it be improved if it's new?"

That is also true, buy something like that and then sue. False advertising it could be, might get a hefty fee.

"How fast do hotcakes sell?"

I don't know. But you have got to go.

With that I really gave a huff and a puff and the hologram Beyonder thing fizzled, looking kind of rough. So Cassie finally came around and we blew a lot of hot air where he was found. Then POOF! His question asking behind was gone and he did not respawn. Too many questions from his hologram mass. I have to go and rest my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Heaven Is To Blame For This, Oh So Scary Bit of Bliss!

Once again it seems the cat is stretching his skill. That may have been a bad choice of words at my hill. But after viewing so much of these germy human umm things, which Heaven constantly sings. The cat got one stuck in his head. Oh the pain and dread. So I blame her for this. I still cringe at you dirty humans and your germy bliss.

Walls simmer from ecstasy's choir
Paper rippling from quenched desire
Fingers loiter over glistening skin
Circling sweats shimmering sin

Echoing quivers confess yearning
Desires glow vigorously burning
Lips glimpsing reflections trace
Quickening to devilish pace

Delicious fragrance drips intoxication
Trembling confirms invigorating sensation
Simmering fire erupts intensity
Blooming sought after propensity

Blossoming waves surge cries
Endless measure of surprise
Hands grasp in smothering force
Driven thrusts fiercely endorse

Confined to voiceless whimpers
Basked in unending simpers
Trembling loins send shivering delight
Ascending souls into night

Circling sweats shimmers in sin
Fingers loiter over glistening skin
Paper stripped from quenched desire
Walls bare from ecstasy's choir

So if you can't get the Face it Facts of this one. You are either stuck in a rut or just a little one. If it's the later did you close your eyes? That would have been wise. Now that cat feels all dirty today, still can't get over this dirty human play. On second thought I think the bliss was just gas. That is so much more tolerable to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Another Nut! I Think I Need A Scary Mutt!

As I stated a while ago, with my rant on No, it still did not sink in and I am still constantly sending crap to the garbage bin. That would be the email one or the paper one, for I have said no a ton and I now just let their yaps run. Whether rain or sun.

But they are coming out of the wood work, as around me they seem to lurk. Just look at this stupid conversation. I think their head needs an examination. Let's call this person Flappy, as her lips went a mile a minute making her quite yappy. But her brain seemed kind of slow or it long ago went straight out the window.

Flappy
"Do you have a place to store this?"

"No"

Flappy
"It be easier if you had a place to store this."

"Well we don't."

Flappy
"The last place we were at had a place to store this."

"Yeah that's nice."

Flappy
"There's no office, cupboard or anywhere else to store this?"

"Nope. No attic either."

She became quite surprised Pat was being snippy, never thinking he would get lippy. Waited a few seconds more and once again took the tour.

Flappy
"So you have no place to store this?"

Was I talking in German or something? Did the phone ring? There was no rhyming, was it my timing? This went on for a good ten minutes or more, as Pat went and did the usual nightly office tour. She just would not stop flapping. Her mouth constantly yapping. I pity the fool married to her. I hope his ears are clogged with fur.

You think if you ask a million times the answer will magically change? The whole place will magically rearrange and there will be a closet just for you, to help your stupid pyramid selling crew? On my lips all I could find was pound sand, but knew that would not go over grand. So I bit my tongue and let Flappy go, still yapping to her usual storage flow. Oh and yes Flappy is real, not some character type deal, which makes it that much worse. Maybe someone will steal the strap off her purse and tie her yap shut. Then she would jsut be a mumbling nut.

I guess some simply can't get the Face it Facts or are too brainless to consider their repeat questioning acts. Flappy just likes to flap in mass and the flappy lass is full of gas, more than could ever come out my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I Showed A Claw! Oops I Broke The Law!

So after Fred talked about the moose and law the other day, I went and found many to my dismay. Yeah, I even found some with moose and one could even reflect a goose. If you are into that kind of thing. Oh the bad images that starts to bring.

Now depending on where you are, whether near or far, this could apply to you. So watch what you do. As I give some Face it Facts on many interesting illegal acts.

Bad You! It's Illegal To....

Tie a pet dog on the roof of your car.
If you do that you deserve to get hit with a guitar.
Get divorced what so ever.
If there, you better think twice about the marriage endeavour.

To climb trees.
Yeah because it is such an awful disease.
One may not sniff glue.
Not even if you know kung fu.

To kiss on a train.
Yeah your dog drool causes others pain.
To push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
I guess if it's not moving no one will pop a vein.

May not slurp soup.
Or in the law will swoop.
Liquor stores can't sell milk.
Not even if you trade silk.

May not fish on a camel's back.
You might give the poor thing a heart attack.
Drive a camel down the highway.
Umm can you drive a camel anyway?

Throw a ball at someones head for fun.
Even when, to some, it should be done.
Milk another persons cow.
Yeah that they just can't allow.

To fish drunk.
I know your hopes have now sunk.
To sell one's eye.
Have to really be a hard up girl or guy.

Whistling underwater is one too.
Is that something one can even do?
Take more than three sips of beer at one time while standing.
What happens if you get drunk? Counting to three could be quite demanding.

To sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
But you can sell them to buy a jet.
On Sunday people can not relieve themselves and look up.
Not even if going in a cup.

For more than five women to live in one house.
Does that count cat, dog or mouse?
Can be fined for flirting.
That is quite disconcerting.

When raining you can't water your lawn.
If you did anyway it means your brains are long gone.
To go to college you must be intelligent.
Who decides such a development?

Every office must have a view of the sky.
So when it is falling you know you are about to die.
Can't pay for a 50 cent item with all pennies.
Guess you have to break out the twenties.

A pillow is considered a passive weapon.
So if you have one, get to steppin'.
To have oral sex.
No matter how much you flex.

But here is the kicker.
For those the equivalent of a butt licker.
It is legal for a male to do it with an animal as long as it doesn't exceed 40 pounds.
Oh the sounds, run cats, run flamingos, run hounds.

So if all of this causes dismay.
Wait for that one special day.
For at some bay.
It's illegal to arrest someone on Sunday.

Now would that make it legal to do something illegal? Or just illegal to get someone for being illegal until it is legal? There I confused you all after my legal fun and now I am done. See what can happen from a Moose pass. It brought up this little ditty from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

This dVerse Could Get Excessive, As I Go All Expressive!

So I was just writing here and there in my typical rhyming flare and upon further reflection came a detection. That is all the Face it Facts I will give on that. Now comes the suffering I will cause at the dVerse mat. Just don't take away my stool or I will became a ranting rhyming fool. Oh wait! Been there done that, guess that was a bad threat from the cat. Now I will shut my yap and go on my dVerse lap.

Time to examine
An exaggerated famine
Using excavation to transact
Although it's not exact

Excerpts could be used
And excessively abused
With no exception
Or excess deception

Excise the demon within
Ridding your exclusive sin
Like morning excrement
That be just excellent

What? Excruciating headache?
Oh you're an exceptional fake
No I will not excuse you
Not exempt because you're new

I know I over exert
My exhibit should alert
Exhaustion may arise
Through exhilaration's disguise

There will be no exile
Even for an extraterrestrial reptile
At my extravagant way
Until that extinction day

But that is external
With exterior maternal
To an extent
Just exspend or get bent

Your head exploded
With the expressway loaded
Express yourself
Export feelings at my shelf

Whether exploring rhyme
Or exploiting work time
This expo is here
Like my explicit cheer

No explanation needed
Experts are very conceded
Sneezing expertise
With an expertism wheeze

Experiencing a pain
It's an expendable vein
No mere expense
Expel that two cents

Expedite things you say
You have expenditures to pay
Expectations are high
Expect an exceptional reply

Expansive it will be
Expanding it for free
Here comes the exotic taste
Exorcising your mind of waste

Expansive exoneration exercises, excelled exceptional expansion exceeding expectations.

Exitless existence exhibits exonerate exoskeletal exponents, exploding extreme exposition, extinguishing exotic excerpts.

Vex complex triplex annex reflex, perplex sex scolex codex.

So for your viewing pleasure and to keep a dVerse measure. It was done in usual verse, then to make you curse, it was done a ton and one final time backwards just for fun. Meaning the ex finished and did not start, in case I caused you a brain fart. Now that I have given the ex a pass, I leave with my exceptional little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Damn It! All The Clowns Are Back With This Fit!

"You had to press the button. You just couldn't leave it be. Oh no! Not you, you stupid rhyming ass."

What my oh so loving sister Cassie was referring to was a package that came saying past due. Since I am quite the curious cat, I ripped it open before it could be seen by Pat. Just as he came in from emptying the garbage bin, I got done. It looked like we had won. It said "push here to finally claim your prize." In hindsight that was a little unwise.

For some big contraption popped out of the box, as I jumped on the button like an ox. It trapped the three of us in a cage type thing and then a phone below us began to ring. As Pat hit the button we all went poof and once again ended up in another little goof.

Yes! That means Drazin, the so called god, was back. Gung Ho also were there giving us flack. That Voiceover Guy was here too and Pat has once again gone Arthur type cuckoo.

All was orchestrated by this Riot Man clown, who wanted to give one of us a crown. This just is going to be bad news, I need some red ruby shoes, to click three times and go home. For now we are stuck in some great big caged dome.

"This is Riot Man here coming to you live from Madison Triangle Pasture and tonight we have quite the riot on our hands. From far away godly lands we have Drazin, who should come out guns a blazin."

"You let Drazin out of here! Drazin is going to put Drazin's foot up your ass. Then you'll really have something to riot about. Drazin has had enough let Drazin out!"

"For a so called god he does not seem to be much of a threat. But he could be a safe bet. Next up is the team of Gung Ho. Gung is Hung and Ho is slow...ummm....in the know....gottta go....just a hoe?"

"Ho, he makes fun of you just as well as I do."

"Gung, that riot fools bell really needs to be rung."

"I'll have to work on that for a later date. Voiceover Guy is up next and he seems filled with hate."

"As I stared at the unlikely crew surrounding me. I had but one question, one question to end all questions. The devestation it could cause if not answered. For we were all trapped in this cage with nowhere to go. I meant that literally, I hoped they all got my whiff."

"Yes, that surely could turn out to be a mess. I never thought of that I must confess. Then there is Pat, the nut with too many voices under his Hatt."

"Arthur is all that remains and with Excalibur I will slay you riot demon. The force is with me."

"Umm Gung, isn't that Star Wars?"

"Yeah it is Ho, but let's just let him go with it."

"And the last addition to my riot ensemble are two felines, who cross all kinds of lines. Cassie dubbed Miss Priss and Orlin the rhyming nut, who you truly do not want to miss."

"This is all your fault again. I'm getting dirty and I'll have to bath myself for hours when I get home. I'll get a hairball and it's all your fault."

Do you see what I have to deal with every day? Maybe I secretly wanted to hit the button to get away. But I guess it did not work very well, as all of these mooks came with me straight to this hell.

"The stage has been set. So place your bet. Who will win? Who will sin? The Riot Man has gone through great trouble to get them all here. Watch on with fear, give a cheer and watch it, Drazin might bite off someones ear. Oops! That was already done, we would not want people to think this was a rerun."

"Drazin hates you fleabags and will make you slippers. But Drazin doesn't like fools waking Drazin up and dragging Drazin here. So Drazin is going to shove Drazin's godly foot up that riot freaks ass, then Drazin will make slippers out of the two of you."

"He's talking in the third person, he thinks he's a god and yet he has the nerve to call that riot guy a freak."

"You might want to wait until we aren't trapped with him to make fun. For we wouldn't want to get chased again by the bald one."

"Thy crown shall shine upon thee demon and you will tremble in fear. Do you feel lucky punk? Well do you?"

"Ho, wasn't that Dirty Harry?"

"Gung, I think that Pat guy has a screw lose or two."

"Does thee wish to have words? I'll give you a cowabunga dude."

"Gung, did he really just say that?"

"Ho, I think he did."

Those two kept guessing Pat's mixed up voices he continued to spew, as that Riot Man fool continued to view. Drazin just banged away on the cage, while Cassie and I wished we could flip the page.

"The godly one showed his awesome might. For he made the very walls tremble at his shouts. While everyone else laughed, delighted at his idle threats. A god of the ages I tell you folks. Gung Ho were not exactly gung ho to go anywhere and they continued to peer at Pat. As he moved from referencing Arthur to Lassie herself. Yes he actually barked and his territory was about to be marked. When he changed once again. It must be tough living with all those voices. I on the other hand watched the cage rattle at all the blithering that was taking place and thus sparked an idea in the cat. The feline would save the day."

That voiceover nut did spark an idea and I knew we had to give a cheer. So I got everyone in the middle butt to butt. Yes, even that Drazin nut. Then we just sang out, as that Riot Man continued to shout. It seemed these Face it Facts were all wrong and he wanted us to battle it out with swords in a thong. Yeah, that would be tough to picture for sure. Plus it be quite disturbing and so much more. Now all we had to do was rattle the cage and continue to let our voices rage.

Drazin is going to kill you.
Gung, what should we do?
Ho, what should we say?
"The place was in complete disarray"

These guys can't stay on tune.
Drazin will blast you to the moon.
Thou shall not demon slime.
Look you all can rhyme.

Shut up! You stupid cat.
Drazin will squash you flat.
Gung, I wonder if he'll use a car.
Ho, is my singing sub par?

Now all at once.
Let's end this Riot dunce.
It is starting to crack.
One more time pack.

Drazin hates all of you.
Thou are the equivalent of poo.
Gung, I wondered about that smell.
"I damned them all to hell."

The bars cracked on one side and Drazin stepped up with one big stride. He kicked in the bars and walked on through. He grabbed Riot Man by the throat and waited until he turned blue.

"Now do you have anything to say to Drazin? Drazin can't hear you? Is Drazin not saying it clearly for you? What's that? Drazin is too much of a god for you to contain? Yeah that Drazin knew. You look good in blue. Drazin rhymed like the cat. How about that? Speaking of fleabags."

Drazin dropped the riot nut and he passed out. I knew what was coming next from his shout. He wanted to try once more, to take the cat slipper tour.

"So not only does he talk in the third person, but he answers his own questions. Wow! Drazin you truly must be a God."

Drazin was not about to take any more of Cassie's retorts and ran at her missing of sorts. As the mook fell for the same old trick in his rage, as Cassie jumped through the square hole in the cage. He could not slow down and his head went through the hole looking like a bald little crown. The poor silly schmuck, got his head stuck. Cassie slapped her tail in the air, as he began to wail how it was no fair.

"Thou has less wit than a cat. Thou really must not be a god. Now who you gonna to call?"

"Ho, that one was to easy."

"Yeah Gung, it was also a tad cheesy."

"Drazin will have Drazin's slippers before winter sets in. Let Drazin out of here. You! Voiceover wacko, push Drazin out of here."

"God helps those who helps themselves was all I could muster, as the whole slew of characters began to laugh and we left Riot Man's pathetic attempt at a bout. He didn't even have that Buffer character, it was so disappointing. To anyone who spent money on such a thing. Take comfort in knowing as we left the arena we found the return package, hit the button and got home. All going away and living happily ever after, besides Drazin, who was still crying out insults as we left."

And once home, I did not want to roam. I was tired after once again dealing with that character mass and had to rest my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

It's Going to Rain, Better Board a Train!

So still stuck down below, thanks to the Bird on a Wire at my show. I decided to skip the cab and the stupid tab. Thanks to dVerse and Claudia's train call. I pulled a stowaway and jumped on as it passed a mall.

I know what your thinking, without even blinking. I could go all Silver Streak, Midnight Run, Money Train, Back to the Future III, Strangers on a Train and so on and so forth bringing the movie rain. But that afflicition has passed for now and this train is going too fast any how. It seems I caught something as soon as I jumped on board though. Warning! This may hit a new low.

Won't you board the train with me?
What are you a-freight of? It's free.
Whoops! I lost my train of thought.
I may do that a lot.

You want to find the train I'm on?
Follow the tracks to my lawn.
I am glad I do not have to drive
I might lose track and no longer be alive.

The train is missing, oh no!
Just follow the tracks you know.
What? Can you take the train to your door?
It weighs a ton, so that could be a chore.

The train builders had to make tracks.
Suppose they gave them forty whacks?
Want to build some esteem?
Drive a train and you'll gleam.

I think this driver needs retraining.
Damn! It's still raining.
If walking on the tracks as you leave town.
Beware! You may feel run down.

What? The railroad seems kind of mad?
It's because you keep crossing it lad.
I think this post has derailed.
Oh! That one was nailed.

This train is loaded with beer.
That's why it's chugging along I fear.
Did I get sidetracked?
Maybe I got hacked?

There seems to be music near.
Oh it's Coltrane I hear.
You really thought you were sick?
After catching the mono-rail, what a hick.

So your dog came on board with you.
So you could train it to poo poo?
The train's engine would not go.
Diesel was too busy putting on a wrestling show.

The train was passed by a moose.
Seems it had a big caboose.
A thief stole a train.
His loco-motive was insane.

The conductor retired and got locked away.
It was because he went off the rails they say.
There was a safety issue.
But they covered their tracks with a tissue.

The train was fuming as it went by.
It was the high cost of gas, no lie.
A passenger was full of gloom.
He could not find his state-s room.

The next guy's excitement started snoring.
As "all a-bored" was yelled and he knew it was going to be boring.
But the train was filled with gum.
And everyone chew chewed off their bum.

Sorry if the River Puns Through It
I Pun Around a bit
Pun Lola Pun
With your Punaway Jury fun

So if you can't seem to get the Face it Facts of this one, at least I will not get a shun. As some of these were eye roll worthy for sure. But I just had to use them as I took the tour. Looks like I still have my train pass, if that's no good, a ticket will have to be bought by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

All I Can Say, Is What The Hell Today!

Okay, so I opened this window ready to type about some sort of hype, when nature gave a call and I darted off down the hall. I did not even bother to close the laptop. Hell! I did not have time to hop or I might have needed a mop. Let's get past this before someone calls a cop.

So after doing what one does and I'm skipping that just because. I came on back and it seemed my computer had a heart attack. The writing for my post looked something like this, djkkghgdjkjoedjsgkhdkhdgjl. Yeah, it was pretty hard to miss. Also some things I had open were no longer there and the screen was all funny thanks to some f1, f2 affair.

I thought maybe the computer was flipping me off a time or two and just swore back at it, as I tried to get it back to normal view. After a few minutes of that all seemed right and I saw a rather peculiar sight. I stared at the screen and then looked around, figuring someone snuck into my mound. But not a soul could be seen. Except of course a certain female cat acting all pristine.

Everything else I had seen before, excluding, ajkdkjdglddggd, at my shore. Yes, I have seen it. But each one is a different fit. But this one thing, I never ever seen it before or gave it a ring. Yet there it was as plain as day, making me go "what the hell" today.


Now where the hell did this come from? Suppose someone is trying to tell something to my little rhyming bum? Of all the things that could pop up, I found this little hiccup.

I suppose it's better than some human porn or some person pretending to be a unicorn. It beats a camel spitting or some grumpy old men hitting. A baseball that is, just in case you did not get my quiz.

It is rather funny too and something that I would use for a view. Which makes it so strange that some four legged feline at my range, could stomp the keyboard and leave this image stored. YES! It was stored on my desktop, like someone went save and plop.

I keep it clean so I know what's there and this one came from something with hair. So today a certain feline stepped on the keyboard all on their own, gave, kjhahjkfhskfhjkshdkjf, a moan. Then flipped me off with some combination like f3 and f5. Lastly she somehow opened a new window and found that, saved it to the desktop at my mat and then deleted the window afterwards. I guess she could have had help from birds.

So wasn't that some weird Face it Facts? I guess Cassie really wanted to make sure that image was used in the acts. Still find it weird as hell and yeah I already knew she could not spell. I guess I should be sure and put "Don't Trespass." So no one will interrupt my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Friday, September 16, 2011

A Different Approach To The Movie Couch!

This is what happens when one tries to get from point A to point B, using a D.C. Cab and a movie.

I checked out my Tin Cup and thanks to my Air Bud pup. I had enough to Let it Ride. I can't believe that Bird on a Wire lied. Sent me here with no Paycheck, making me reach my Boiling Point at this deck. But now I have Money for Nothing at all and just have to hope the Taxi Driver will get me back to my hall.

But it seemed I was Zapped with some bug, as The Conversation amounted to only movie titles coming out of my mug. So I found a Vacancy and stepped in. I wished this conversation was Vice Versa than I would win. But with the current State of Play, I knew I would make him Scream before the end of the day.

"So where you heading?"

"Road House"

"What road house is that?"

I could have been talking with a mouth full of Meatballs for all he knew. At least I never spurted out some Indecent Proposal that would turn me blue.

"In the Valley Elah"

"And where is that? I never heard of it?"

"Red Corner"

"Listen bub! Stop being so contrary and tell me where you want to go!"

Contrary to popular belief saying I Love Trouble. I hate The Hard Way as I usually end up in rubble. The guy looked at me like a Hollow Man. I could tell I was being a Major League, Major Payne to Stan.

"Failure to Launch"

"I'll stop this cab and launch you out!"

"Deep Blue Sea"

"There is no sea around here."

I could tell he wanted to get back to the Rat Race, staring at me with one Red Eye on his face. He did not appreciate Pushing Tin and in District 9 he was about to chuck me in.

"The Falcon and the Snowman"

"Now you're going on about snow? What the hell?"

He could not make out my Distrubing Behaviour one bit and was having a Radio feet. Telling his Horrible Bosses about me, saying he was about to make me Die Hard and live free.

"Heaven Can Wait"

"Alright bub! Pay up and get out now!"

This was no Joy Ride for him. I don't recommend Coming to America on a whim. Or thanks to some bird on a Chicken Run. Have A Simple Plan with some Mo' Money and you will have fun.

"Pay it Forward"

"That's right hand up the money you owe me and I won't make you dead."

"Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter is Dead"

"What? You killed the babysitter? You are a nut!"

"Yes Man"

"Umm how about I give you half off?"

"Taking Care of Business"

"Yes! That's right. Now just pay half and you can take your crazy ass down the road."

"Homeward Bound"

"Good for you."

"Waiting"

"Yes, I'm waiting."

He either thought I was a Psycho or The Last American Virgin. I really don't know. But I never wanted to board Con Air or join Cool Hand Luke in his jumpsuit underwear. So by some Fluke of fate, I ended our movie Mystery Date before he sent me Hellbound at High Noon and I became another Hollywood Homicide rhyming loon.

I quickly gave him a Tango & Cash and watched as he made a Silver Streak mad dash. Jumping into his cab and taking off at high Speed. Maybe he wanted to Take the Lead?

Next time I won't Say Anything and just point at the Signs. I will get the driver to follow the Rising Sun and the lines. Putting this movie Risky Business behind me, so I can skip Orange County, no longer be Trapped in Paradise or be stuck with Passenger 57 as home I hope to see.

Just remember It Could Happen to You or a Perfect Stranger you never knew. So before you call the Men in Black, Metro or the Police Academy for an attack, just know it could be a Midnight Run and someone is stuck in Mimic movie mode, which they may not find fun.

If your Jaws get struck with movie disease, Lean On Me all you please and have an Iron Will. Do not pick up The Hitcher for a thrill. The Hills Have Eyes so I will see. So don't get Dirty and try to trick me. Now leave my Fortress so I can stop and I expect you Gone in 60 Seconds or I will call a cop.

You know I would never do that. Oh look I am once more a normal talking cat. At least as normal as I can be. I think these Face it Facts you can see. For I shoved in the first movie that popped in my head and now enough has been said. Except for many more could amass. So thank God I stopped my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

When You Humans Are Away, The Pets Will Play!

So as you know when you humans leave your home show to join the work flow, sneak out for a quick ummm romp, that gives you a glow or whatever else it is you do. That is just our cue. For the so called pets will get you back and go on the attack. That's what you get for leaving us all alone. We may even chew up your phone.

Wave your hands up in the air
As we watch you leave our lair
Rolling to the street
Driving out of sight
Giving us the big green light

Vet visit taken over the ridge
Great food hidden in the fridge
Birds tease out the window
Instincts take control
Anger starts to take a stroll

The house is too clean, we can't take no more
We won't allow such a glistening floor

Time to rip it up
Got to tear it up now
With no prying eyes
We just can't wait to

Rip it up
Got to shred it up now
Even if we have to improvise
It won't be useful anymore

Interesting noises fill our ears
Smells so thick they calm our fears
Can't deny what we're feelin
Must take a peek
Don't you love our sleek technique

Too many smells for us to bear
Grab a hold and begin to tear

Rip it up
Got to tear it up now
With no prying eyes
We just can't wait to

Rip it up
Got to shred it up now
Even if we have to improvise
It won't be useful anymore

Can't blame us because you trapped us here
Can't blame us for chewing your gear
So just give us a treat and a cheer

Whether a bark or a meow
You have to clean it up now

Clean it up
Got to wash it up now
So when you close your eyes
We can once again

Rip it up
Got to shred it up now
Even if we have to improvise
It won't be useful anymore
It won't be useful anymore

So now I'll give you the Face it Facts, meaning the next time you come across such acts. You can hum this little tune, as we give you the full moon and you have to clean up our mess. But don't wait around for us to confess. It's never going to happen between me and you. So clean up the mess and get a clue. You let us roam free and a mess you will surely see. Some of it may also be more than gas, especially if there is no litter around for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Head Continues to Shake, Hope They Never Bake a Cake!

The cat knows some people get paid by the hour and move like they are at half power. Heck, sometimes even that is overstating it. They go so slow they can't even have a fit. Oh wait they can indeed, just look at where this is going to lead.

Nine o'clock approaches as the seconds tick away, the time when all mooks are supposed to be out and on their way. The Jeopardy tune plays in the background, as a few seconds left are all that are found. Nine o'clock passes and two mooks are still sitting on their asses.

"Do you think we need a washer for this one?"

"A washer would make it earthquake proof?"

"I don't know if we have any left."

Clunk, clunk, clunk, walks over like he's in a funk. Bends down like there is something stuck you no where and begins to look here and there.

"I've got big washers but they won't fit the screws. I've got small washers but they won't fit the screws. I've got thick black washers but they won't fit the screws."

By this time I think the one whole guy in the room knew the damn things would not fit the screws. But he kept acting like it was big news.

"Oh I found five washers. This should do."

Clunk, clunk, clunk, walking again like he's in a funk. He lies on the floor and puts the screws in by hand, because he's too lazy to once again stand and climb a few stairs to get the power drill that blares.

Clock reads quarter after nine, as he puts the screws in their corresponding holy line. Did you know it takes two guys to put in one screw? I'd hate to see what would happen if they had to fix a loo.

"I gave you five washers, where are they?"

"You only gave me three. I only had three."

Takes a flashlight and looks at the floor. Oh they found one more.

"I knew I gave you five washers, but where is the other?"

"Oh yeah! We used two on one."

So they once again take their sweet ass time with their one whole washer left. But I guess it had enough heft, as they did not need any more, as they put the rest of the screws in the floor. Three whole screws took fifteen minutes to do. No! I'm not kidding you. Pat could do it faster shoving the screw driver between his cheeks and spinning, boy would that be winning.

"There this side is done, now we have one more side to do. Think we have any more washers?"

Even though they already looked through their damn bag once, can someone really be that dunce? Oh stupid question, take that more as a suggestion.

"I can check the truck for more washers."

Oh no you are not. Pat says **** a whole lot and systematically turns out the lights pretending it was termites. At nine thirty or so they take the hint yet still stand around eating an apple like it's a mint.

"I think I'll go to the store and get more washers tomorrow."

Who gives a flying ****, now get the hell out and in your truck. Is what Pat thought, but not the speech he brought. Just said they had to go and they moved ever so slow.

"It just didn't want to cooperate tonight."

One muttered as Pat slammed the door. Right! If only you had a washer or avoided the liquor store. 

I could not make this shit up if I tried, alright I lied. I know I could, but being true makes this just that good. Although it was not fun waiting last night for Pat to get home and feed us because someone decided to board the short bus.

I have no idea what the Face it Facts of this one are. I guess make sure you have something to do at work or home or your bar. If you ever have some slow poke coming in to fix some crap. Hey, at least you can take a nap. Okay, I am done class and off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I Guess I'm Sunk. All I Have For dVerse Is Junk!

So Pat has about a hundred email addresses or so. Yes I know, the cat thinks it's nuts too. But lets pretend it was not heard by me or you. The cat logged into one, saw the build up of junk and figured I would have some fun. So if you can't guess the Face it Facts of this, you could be a tad slow or full of bliss. As you have no junk at all, what an email you have at your stall.

Buy Viagra now
It will surely make you meow
Along with max-gentleman enlargement pills
Did you know they contain rat shit, such thrills

This only happens once a year
Except tomorrow I get the same cheer
See how much you can save
We are surely all the rave

Say goodbye to bad hair days
And we'll even help with those greys
Newest laptops on sale
Our definition of new tends to fail

Cash advance loan
Forget that the interest will make you groan
Latin singles you'll want to meet
Even if they are a thousand miles from your feet

Herbs for dogs
Umm what next? Hogs?
What's hot
Clearly your not

$100,000 a year right now
Right! And I'm not a cat but a cow
Do you want to kill children
Stupid title made up by videogame men

Give yourself a break
Yeah read our crap that's fake
Dead relative left you dough
Turns out the relative was actually a crow

Real cash for free
If you pay a monthly fee
You won it
Yet here I still sit

We're giving you $1000 in free spins
But no matter who wins
You have to put money in to get money out
Plus fifty other rules we conveniently forgot to shout

Hook up tonight
And fight a disease the next night
Stay calm
This is sure to bomb

Compare forklift prices and save
Because everyone needs to dig a grave
Need your roof replaced
We'll do it with some silly paste

Much more for much less
It's shitty though we won't confess
Start dating today
The scary Internet way

Make $5,000 today
Maybe in some scammy way
Affordable dental plan
I know you're a fan

Credit car offer
With enough fees to fill a coffer
Stop stressing - start living
With this wonderful thing we're giving

Why work for peanuts
Yeah join us, be nuts
Earn a degree while you work
But you might have to lurk

Your dream vacation is finally here
Wait! In my head did you peer?
Football is back
No rock to live under at my shack

Making money from home
Might shrink your retirement dome
You are being searched for
By scary people and many more

King Abubu wants to send you some dough
His cash flow never seems to run low
Lock in your spot
Even though there is a lot

You've been personally invited
By some guy you never even sighted
Don't take it personally
We are just doing you a courtesy

Name brand tires
Why not name brand wires
Someone sent you a message
Guess that means I am a presage

As I know it is junk
Like all the other gunk
That goes plunk
Into the abyss with a slam dunk

I know I really sunk to a new low with my latest dVerse show. Delving into all the trash. Who is in charge of taking out the garbage at this bash? Maybe if you emptied them more, this would never have shown up on my floor. Brian, did you not allocate this task? Or was it Claudia too busy drinking from her flask? Okay I am through taking my junk pass and off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Monday, September 12, 2011

A Godly Theme Song. Boy Is This Just Wrong!

So it seems the Godly one is jealous of the cat. For I have a theme song for where I'm at and he has none. I guess he went out and got one. As the poor Drazin mook sent me this. It sure is something you might want to miss. So the cat does not blame you if you ignore this so called Godly loon. After all he is like some over the top, bad Saturday morning cartoon.

When Drazin was a young lad, a moron said to Drazin
Step right up and learn your history
He said once a fearsome God shriveled to a raisin
He was your great-great-great- grand daddy Nurvy
Drazin just smacked him upside the head
But his frozen feet warning still haunts Drazin to this day

Drazin will squash you flat and throw you in the street
Drazin will watch and laugh as you're squashed in the concrete
The day you mess with Drazin you'll have quite the blast
When the cat slippers are Drazin's and it becomes your last

They hide in a bush for most of the day
But Drazin knows where it is they lay
Although much to Drazin's surprise
Those stupid cats Drazin just can't incise
They seem to possess some sort of power
But one day soon their luck will sour

Drazin will squash you flat and throw you in the street
Drazin will watch and laugh as you're squashed in the concrete
The day you mess with Drazin you'll have quite the blast
When the cat slippers are Drazin's and it becomes your last
When the cat slippers are Drazin's and it becomes your last

The only Face it Facts here, are that this Godly one sure strikes fear, with his awful breath maybe. The rest is just giving the cat such glee. As he spouts his crap and lets his lips flap. But he can't take two little cats and is the king of rats. So he's more likely full of gas and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Bitch of a Glitch!

So saw the prompt over at that dVerse place when I went to show my face. I really have no rhyme or reason for this little bit of rhyming treason. But the Face it Facts are simple enough, as this is what came to me with this little huff. Not directed at anything in particular at all, just a little call, to this and that, from Pat and the cat.

Bitch of a Glitch

It's pride versus greed
Greed versus lust
Cropping the demons
Wrath considers a must
Sloth girated mess
Envy distorted pace
Gluttony's skilled hand
Provoking temptations embrace

Souls darkened edge
Courting the right
Hells paved intentions
Scarred murky sight
Chasing saviors praise
Mantis position rich
Striking ablaze
It's a bitch of a glitch
It's a bitch of a glitch
Moral drained ditch
Don't matter at all
It's a bitch of a glitch

Some see it as pleasure
Others a crutch
A festering treasure
An unrelenting clutch
Line blurred sinner
Tempting demon's jewel
Coming up thinner
Inner voices duel

Souls darkened edge
Courting the right
Hells paved intentions
Scarred murky sight
Chasing saviors praise
Mantis position rich
Striking ablaze
It's a bitch of a glitch

Moral drained ditch
Don't matter at all
It's a bitch of a glitch
It's a bitch of a glitch
A bright erupted switch
That can kiss my ass
Warp the bitch of a glitch

So surmise from it what you will, as you read at my rhyming hill, crap happens to us all. We can fall or get back up and answer life's call. For the little things matter most and that is all the profound crap from your host. Time to go back to being loony and crass. So off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

News Flash! People Seem To Be Getting Some Sort of Rash!

So today I'm going to go on about a certain thing at my lawn. The Face it Facts are easy to find. So even you can keep up with my little rhyming behind. Now as I was saying......

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a SPECIAL NEWS REPORT
Sorry if you are missing Judge Judy and her court

"This is Mike Hunt here, reporting like I fear. Damn it! It will not stop. This whole telecast is going to be a flop."

"Sally Hornie here and you will have to excuse my collegue today. He is just full of dismay. God! I hate this rhyme play. It is all we can do at our bay. I sound so happy and gay when really my hair is beginning to fray. So before I have more rhymes to say. Let us go out to the field with Jim James, Go!, Make hay!"

"Thank you Sally! It seems from every land and valley, this rhyming affliction or maybe addiction is spreading across the world like a plague. It's so annoying, so I will let the people talk, starting with this old hag."

"Even with my bum hip I can take you sonny. I will whack you with my cane and take your money. Maybe give you a whiff of my diaper too. Sometimes I just can't make it to the loo"

"Okay! That's quite enough out of her. Let us move on to others and hope they don't slur. Oh I hate this almost makes me want to hiss."

"Dude! This is so totally out there dude. I heard it started from something rude. Like Dude! Some gas from some little rhyming ass. Dude! Do you think like the ass is so small it could go in your ear dude? Then like float around being all rude, in your brain. Then dude! It would fart like rain and dude! It would go out the other side inflicting some other poor dude. Dude! I may have just solved it, aren't I a shrewd dude! Dude!"

"Someone better stop this bleeping bleep fast. Or I will bleeping shoot every bleeping bleep that rhymes until I'm the bleeping last. That will cure this bleeping bleep and stop my bleeping fit. Why are you bleeping me out. I say bleeping bleeping bleep all the bleeping bleep I want to in my bleeping shout. Get out of my bleeping way or I will bleeping kill you in a not so nice bleeping way. Bleep a duck. Hey You! Get out of my bleeping truck!"

"I love this bloody stuff. It's like every bloody wanker is happy as they huff and puff. Although no one seems to want a bloody orange any more. I guess the rhymes make those bugger off because they are a bloody chore. You can't rhyme the bloody things. Look at that bloody fool, he thinks he has wings."

"Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie. No it's my turn Timmy. I want to rhyme. Mom! Timmy is hogging the mic all the time. Mom! She's touching me. I want to be girl cootie free. Mom! It's my turn. Mom! She had her turn and I want to make people learn. Mom! She kicked me in the bum. Mom! Timmy is just acting dumb."

"Turn that frown upside down. Walk with Frodo the clown all over town. I'll make you a balloon animal or two and perform a magic trick for you. What are you all going on about? Hey! What is with the pout? Wait! Why is everyone talking like me? This sure is a sight to see."

"All this rhyming is quite simple. Some stupid little brat with a pimple did not do his job and maintain the food supply. Then he gave some stupid lie and the food shipped out as it always does. Now we're in the land that never was. All important sections of are brain have melted away from something which I am going to dub here today, as mad rhyme disease. I think it even attracts fleas."

"So there you have it. I just let all the people have a fit. This is just hell. I am out for the count, ring the damn bell. Back to you in the studio. I have nothing more to show."

"Still no solid evidence on what could be causing this disease. Not here or over seas. So if you are still speaking normally and have yet to change. Lock the doors, bolt the windows and hide on your range. That is all the advice we can give unless rhyming forever is how you want to live."

"Something I would not advise. It hurts the head and the eyes. This is Mike Hunt leaving you now."

"And Sally Hornie still trying to stop rhyming some how."

"Armaggedon is upon us for real. Independance day with damn aliens screwing with us is how I feel. Could be the dawn of the dead. As our brains are led, into the unknown and The Postman is all alone. Living in Rhymingland is not grand. Let us hope the Day After Tomorrow is not as bland and we can get back to telling people to pound sand."

We now return you to your regular scheduled programy
I bet they won't hit the Whammy

Yeah I know. I was mean today at my show. Saying all those bad things about a daydreamertoo, Betsy's with hiccups and tongues that go blue. Brian and the weather. Claudia and some annoying feather. That Ed guy, although it might have been a lie. Some ocean girls and others that do twirls. Something about Zen and flags in her backyard pen. Bah I can't repeat it all again, that might just piss off some more men and women. Hope you enjoyed my sass. What was that lass? It got cut off by some disease that won't pass? Well wasn't that a rude thing to do to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Friday, September 9, 2011

What If I Use a Brick To Make It Stick!

The cat is in a ranting mood, so I may get rather crude. But I don't give a damn and no not about a traffic jam. Actually this week, less nuts I came across. Maybe they needed to stay home and floss. But that is neither here of there, as the cat goes on a ranting tear.

The simple Face it Facts of this one, are if you're told over and over again, amounting to a ton. Yet that thick skull still makes you look dumber than a seagull. I'm going to have a brick with your name on it. Maybe it will stick after a hit.

Oh and this does not apply to kids or pets, as they are entitled to upsets. But if you are a grown ass person, things are about to worsen. Even pets can be trained not to do a task, I guess you could just be spending too much time with that flask.

So there seems to be a wall
A good ten feet tall
Around what you call a brain
I guess you never feel pain

As that thing can block a truck
Even this brick I want to chuck
Not even a crack shines through
Your inability to comprehend continues to ensue

Seems a simple no
Does not take flow
And that river deep within
Just keeps on doing its spin

As the same question comes the next day
To my utter dismay
Even when told to shove it up your gazoo
Sometimes more subtle depending on you

Might wait a week
And then out the question will peek
Maybe it needs to be typed up
Then printed and given to a pup

Let the thing tear it to shreds
Then I'll pick up the threads
Mash them all together
No matter the weather

Create a type of paste
And in your ear it will be placed
Think that would be a good hint
Hell it would have a short stint

Then come back out your yap
As the same shit you continue to flap
Dumb, Dumb, Dumb and then some
No matter what way I beat the drum

Let your lips flap a mile a minute
The point is moot
It is still going to be no
Even as your ass continues to grow

A day or year
Do not come near
With your same dumb question
That is my suggestion

Once answered tons of times
Whether intentions are good or that of mimes
Pound that sand good and tight
Blocking another orphus to my delight

As now you'll push and squirm
Wiggling like a worm
In a germy room
As the gases fume

And I will be left alone
No more annoying moan
Oh that will be grand
No I will not touch your damn hand

Now that I am through
A brick hit is due
If you want to see how, shoo
And watch Home Alone two

Oh that was good to get out of my head. Even though give it a week and I will hit the same old retread. As some people just can't get it through their mind when no comes from my little behind. No this way, no that way, no yesterday, no today. No tomorrow too. You trying to make me turn blue? Now that this has come to pass, off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Go Riot! Don't You Want To Try It?

The cat does not want to lead any dumb humans around. So instead I went out and found, a guest blogger of the day to come by my way. Yes Riot Man will be on call, just for a few seconds at my stall. For oh this is going to be fun. Oh don't shun. These Face it Facts should be followed by everyone. Just watch out for his gun.

Riot Man Recruits
From those naked to those in suits

Step right up and follow me
My face is so pretty
I shall not tell a lie
With me you'll reach the sky

I promise we'll cause a commotion
That will get you a demotion
If not fired
You surely won't get hired

You'll follow me like a flock
Because I make you gock
At my shiny toys
Impressing all the girls and boys

Your brain will slow to a crawl
As I give my riot call
In fact as you loot
You'll act like that which goes toot

And what comes out of it
As you throw your pointless fit
Is what you'll have for brains
But you will break the chains

Along with a window or two
Maybe free a monkey from the zoo
Replacing it with you
For all to come and view

As the monkey takes hold
Winning the gold
Of the life you threw away
Because you listened to my dismay

A chimp was proven wiser
Because you used me as an advisor
So come one, come all
I'll make you stand tall

We'll break and smash
Throwing around some trash
Speaking so foul
We'll make old ladies howl

With me you'll be big and bad
No longer a little lad
Now that you've given me a scan
Follow the Riot Man

We'll make history you see
No longer able to pee
Without an escort
After losing in court

Doesn't that sound grand
So raise up your hand
Become a following loon
Acting like a goon

All it takes is one look
And you're on the hook
Answering the Riot Man call
Was your brain always this small

Now wouldn't he be fun to follow. It wouldn't be the first line of bull you humans were able to swallow. But I guess maybe some will see the light and Riot Man will go forth all alone tonight. Maybe he needs his own billboard to attract his rioting horde. Or maybe he should get a Riot Woman by his side. Then those would come far and wide. To see that nice looking lass, as she wiggled something similar, yet more plastic, to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

You Might Not Be Able To Bear, This Little Scare!

Oh this is going to be fun for my little rhyming bum. I had to laugh at some. But if you are inflicted with one of these, don't harm me please. The cat is scared of such a thing, as pain that could bring. I have no fear of you suffering from rhymophobia though. If you did, you would have a heart attack at my show. So on we go and yes the Face it Facts are easy to know.

Papyrophobia will cause vapour
If you show them a piece of paper
Oh yeah those kids are scary
Giving you Pedophobia over little two year old Mary

Nelophobia might cause you to shake your ass
As you tremble from using a glass umm glass
Damn the clock must cause dismay
Giving you Numerophobia every single day

Oh no! I saw a bare bum
Nudophobia I must have and then some
Did you loose your voice
Or was it Laliophobia giving you no choice

Lockiophobia gives me no fear
I just get the fun part dear
Oh don't peer
My Lyssophobia was gone last year

Oh that is such a scary white
Leukophobia makes me like the night
I'm not going into that room
My Koinoniphobia says it spells doom

With all the nuts I have found
Might make my Heterophobia profound
If you have Genophobia at all
You need to get over it and do a cat call

I can see why you'd have this
As Ephebiphobia might not be all bliss
I like my left more
I guess Dextrophobia landed at my door

Yes those scary mutts
Give me Cynophobia as they sniff butts
Chrometophobia is just crazy too
Unless you're afraid of what you'll do

Cathisophobia must be a chore
Standing and standing and standing some more
Yuck! I fear you
I guess my Cacophobia is due

Oh they are so scary on the shelf
I guess Bibliophobia I can give myself
You're scared of me
That Ailurophobia causes me glee

Turn on the light
And your Achluophobia will be out of sight
I can't blame you for this one
As Anthropophobia can be caused by a ton

Megalophobia would be so fun to abuse
As big things abound with my muse
Your Metrophobia must be quite high
Blame that poor Pat guy

Damn! I may really have this one
Misophobia I'll still try to shun
Don't tell me your name
Nomatophobia only lets me call you dame

Oneirogmophobia I had to laugh at
As it was just funny to the cat
Omphalophobia is even worse
There are what? 7 billion of them to curse

My last line must strike this up
Yes it was Proctophobia that made you hiccup
They are invading us
My Russophobia made me hop a bus

If you want to avoid school
Scolionophobia can be cool
Oh yes I certainly want this
With Syngenesophobia you can't miss

So you walk in the nude
Vestiphobia makes it not so crude
So your Zoophobia has kicked in
And you fear all, hair or fin

So before your Taphophobia grows
Burying you in my word rows
I'll leave you to pop that pill
So your Traumatophobia won't get a thrill

Did I show you a phobia you never knew? Making you think you have a few? Oops I'm sorry to have brought that about, with my phobia shout. Okay I'm really not. So if a phobia you just caught, don't give me any sass. For you have just been diagnosed by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Okay I Have A dVerse Third Eye, That I Can't Deny!

Yes I am very slow. As I was here and there on the go and Pat took the computer from the cat, to write the second book at our mat. So that's the Face it Facts as to why I was slow on such dVerse acts. But the third eye can be so fun, that it just had to be done. So I will kill two birds with one stone. I know it is a stupid saying but do not moan. Of course I'm going to go for a stroll far far far down the rabbit hole. But since when have I not? At least I never get caught.

A Blue Moon Sucked Up This Loon!

The cat opened the fridge looking for some food. But all I found was a rainbow bridge, how rude! Although there was a troll with his hand out to me. I guess he wanted me to pay a fee. I figured I was just seeing stuff. So I ignored his huff and puff. Maybe he was really food for me? I took a bite to see. Damn! He tasted really foul and let out quite the howl. But he moved aside and I walked by with such pride.

He laughed as I almost got stuck with a horn on a duck. Okay it was really on a horse but such things I do not endorse. The thing neighed at me like some common thing and then I saw one with a wing. It turned and I found it had two. So I jumped on and yelled "Screw You!"

The troll shook his fist as we flew away and some man with wings got in our way. But I guess he got too close to the sun and the wings were done. They burnt to a crisp and he sounded like he had a lisp, as he screamed all the way down, crashing into a town.

A dog face man, who really needed a tan, pointed up to the sky and I thought we were going to die. As arrows flew at us from below. I yelled for the flying horse thing to go and we avoided the rain of wood. Just as I knew we could.

The sky caught fire as our situation turned dire. This lizard thing wanted us for lunch. Then I saw a whole bunch. The fire from his breath was very hot, but his breath was not. He needed a mint and so much more. His teeth also looked rather sore. So as the others were at our back, we charged this foul breathed one, going on the attack.

The flying horse dodged his fire and the lizard sucked in air like he was filling a tire. I backed up the flying horse and without any remorse, we both kicked his teeth down his throat. The sound he made sounded like a goat. The others ran at his horrible shrieking. I guess no further snack they were seeking.

The dumb flying horse did a twirl and off I plummeted and no I did not scream like a girl. As I saw the mush I was landing on. It seems the day of the dead had begun to dawn. It was so gross, their issue I did not even try and diagnose. I slated the gunk off my paws and stuck out my claws. The funny looking human tried to bite me. Damn that! I decided to flee.

I hid behind what I thought was a hairy bush. But it broke wind and turned out to be a tush. The hairy ape thing groaned and turned around. His big feet were quite profound. Again it looked at me like I was dinner. But just like the rest, he was not a winner.

I swerved from his grasp before his hands could clasp. I ran and ran and ran some more. Until I was blinded by something of lore. The city was huge and sparkled with flare. I also noticed a rather well dressed pair. They looked all high tech with their little toys, but were running around screaming like little boys.

I noticed my paws were becoming wet and soon learned why everyone was beginning to fret. The damn island was sinking into the sea. This was just not a good day for me. I hopped to the highest tower I could find and looked for the flying horse to save my behind. Yet as everything sunk and I began to drown, I was kicked by some human wearing a fish fin gown.

She kept me afloat until I spotted a boat. She then launched me on board and I was met with a horde. These folks talked rather funny and were after some money. I guess there was an island with treasure, too much to even measure. Luckily the ship was vast and they could not find me as I climbed the mast. I stayed there for what seemed like hours and then came the rain showers.

Some big tentacle thing came from the sea and started whacking the boat with such glee. It totalled their poor boat, as screams came from their throat. They still spoke in tongue, but I knew their bell was rung. This monster created quite the mess. So I swam ashore and read the sign, which said "Welcome to Lochness."

I delved into the forest to try and make it home. I had it with this stupid fridge rainbow dome. Yet I came across more dumb humans chanting in prayer, I just had to stop and stare. As the city glistened with gold, my greedy instincts took hold. I grabbed a gold bar but could not run very far. The damn thing weighed a ton. I could barely lift one. Although it was not long before they caught my behind, but thankfully they were kind.

I was sent to their leader who sat on top a throne. He let out a rather cheery moan. With his hat kind of like mine, except his was green with a black line. He was saying something about his pot of gold and how I was quite bold. He then heaved me down a hole and told me not to lose my soul.

The place was dark and dreary, not at all cheery. Some guy asked if I wanted to cross the river. The look of him made me quiver. No way was I going near his canoe looking thing. Then I heard some three headed mutt sing. Boy was that a sight. As if a mutt with one head was not bad enough to fight. It snapped at me over and over. But it was quite the dumb rover.

I ran under it and the dumb thing snapped its own heads in its fit. The thing whined a bit and shook off its hurt. No blood seemed to spurt. Then the thing came after me, but I zipped along like a buzzing bee. I saw a bright light and immediately took flight. That mutt was not going to catch my little rhyming ass, even if it did have three heads coming out of its mass. I flung myself into the air and jumped into the bright light lair.

Some stupid snake wanted me to play and steal some apple from his bay. I told him get the two naked humans to do that, as that goose intrigued the cat. I did not know whether to have it as a snack or to watch it quack. The thing was laying golden eggs left and right. I was not about to again fall for my greed plight. As I figured next I would find a three headed cow and that would just be wrong some how.

So I trotted off and found a box, guarded by some blue ox. The thing had a name tag and Babe really looked like an old hag. She let me open the box too. I guess smart guards are not blue. Some voices moaned from inside and I slammed it shut not opening it wide. No Pandora size mistake for this cat. Plus Babe dropped a cow patty and I knew that was that.

The stink blinded me as I went through some mist. I finally saw some guy shaking his fist. He actually looked like he was doing the twist but could not pull it off and was rather pissed. I guess he was some wizard long ago but some cowardly, heartless, brainless crew pulled the curtain back at his show. Now everyone was in the know, that he was nothing but a phony bologna with a name that was not John Doe. I left him in self pity and came across a one eyed old bitty.

I was grossed out as out came two more. They popped the eye out like it was a chore and then shared it between the three. It was certainly a sight to see. They ranted about how they could see my fate and something about one breaking a dinner plate. I guess it got caught in some string or some other thing. They bickered like old women do and I left their one eyed view.

The mist cleared and all around, nothing but sand could be found. Now I had been holding it for a while but did I really need a litter box that stretched more than a mile? There was only so much I could dig and no I did not enjoy it like some pig. Meaning I was not as happy as one in shit, for I was about to have a fit. All that walking was wearing me out and I gave a shout. But the cactus man was just a mirage, maybe next time I will play in the garage.

I heard a click as I moved a little bit more and a pyramid popped out of the sandy floor. I went inside to get out of the sun and wished I had a gun. As tall grey men surrounded me and they looked rather freaky. They even tried to stick something up my little rhyming ass. I was not about to let that pass. So I scratched one and ran circles by the ton. They looked down at the marks I made in the sand and thought it was quite grand. I figured what the hell and ran down the hall before they caught and threw me in some cell.

A light shined bright on a lamp in the middle and I heard some strange fiddle. I heard the myths and figured I would give it a shot. So I gave it a rub and the room got hot. Smoke filled the place and out popped a face. The rest of his body came after and then some delirious laughter. I guess I got three wishes now. But I did not trust this freaky smoke thing that began to bow. Yet I wanted to give it a try and catch him in a lie.

So I wished to be home and he sent me a garden gnome. I wished for a snack and he sent me to a horse race track. I wished he would go pound sand for life and heaven only knows if it caused him strife. After he went poof and disappeared, the cave reappeared. Gone was the lamp but the place was still damp. I could hear a drop of water drip into a puddle below and I walked around, stubbing my toe.

I hopped on one foot and heard a click. Oh someone was a big dick. As through a hatch I went and yes I was beginning to get bent. I landed on more sand of course. I still blame that stupid flying horse. But there lied a cup, ragged and worn like it was chewed on by a pup. I just had to quench my thirst. So with one quick burst. I ran up grabbing the thing and under the puddle I gave it a fling. Then sucked the dirty water down. Yes it was not as clear as my town. But beggars cannot be choosers I guess. "Oh My God!' I cried, as I was out of this mess.

I looked around and home is where I was found. The fridge was bare and my stomach seemed bloated like I ate a hare. All I can really say is the next time you get indigestion your way, close the fridge good and tight or prepare for a agonizing plight. It is safer to grab your rod and go fishing for some bass. Trust my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.