Welcome to Whoopdi Friggin Doo
Where you can win one million dollars if you answer true!
And here is your host,
The cat with the most.
(What you thought it'd be Drazin?)
That's right! They call me Raisin, Robbie Raisin! As I phase in. But enough about me let's get on with it before you see the same damn commercial five times over. For an Italian Clover or would that be meatballs?
Oh stop with your cat calls.
(Studio induced laughter ensues, to block out the audience boos.)
Our first contestant today is a man known for stalking or at least gawking, that's right it's Mr. Mohawk himself. Welcome Brian, coming dressed as an elf? Brian, you do know Christmas is over right? Plus you kind of have too much height.
(Puts mic in front of Brian, then whips it away as fake laughter roars like a lion.)
I guess Brian has little to say. So why don't we play.
(Creeps up with his raisin self in the face of Brain the elf.)
Brian, for one million dollars and a brand spanking new mule, maybe even a new pool. What is the rare species of orange plant that has a bit of a slant?
"ok i nearly spit coffee at Humptulips, we have a Butthollow Rd nearby, and i often wonder why...funny some of the names given places, makes me wich to see the namers faces, never been to nantucket but know how to...ahem...leave a comment"
(Looks at Brian strange and waves his hands for a change.)
Looks like Brian is still too busy with the egg nog. So he and security can take a jog. Next up on our show is Betsy with her zoo type flow. Maybe she'll win that sought after camel or some other rare mammal.
What? She is too busy to come out? What is that all about? She has her feet in the sink? Time to hook up the video link. There she is soaking feet and all too lazy to leave her hall. So Betsy, what do you call a piece of wood with a splinter in it? Answer already, don't be afraid your feet soaking is a hit.
"wow, I've had quite the day I can't see straight here at your bay You said And Tarsier Man retrieves some little old ladies purse and I thought it said he relieved himself in the purse. Maybe it's because I have to go... Let me take care of that and return to your show. lol...."
(Gives a quick cough and cuts the feed off.)
Well that was rather odd, maybe she just should have gave a nod? And now to try for the million dollar spread, here comes Fred. He has his nose in a book, I guess he wants to cheat like a crook. Okay then answer this, what gives a wall clock bliss?
"Fun piece Pat. I have some loonies here at my joint for sure, and not the kind that wear funny jackets, but the kind you can't use to pay the taxes. Yet some stores will say at par, but others will shun you far. Some will sit and stare and then a light bulb will flash above their free cell, going off like "danger danger" tossing back the coin at you the stranger. Anyhow, i've never the privilege to own a toonie, but the music playing now might disagree, for I love money I can't use for a spending spree. That response was not what I had planned, just kind of flowed all disjointed. Oh, well- i've been off lately- couple good writes and outtakes, that's all good and fine, but I think google planted a bug, making all my comments shrug. Anyhow, I actually do have a small coin collection. I have coins from most countries. Obviously Canadian money is very easy for me to come by, I still have the multicolored dollars, not sure if you still use them or not, haven't renewed my passport in a while, but your money always makes me smile. But a toonie- this I do not have, actually did but then I lost it, think the cats took it and hid it like they do the clothes, dragging them through the house- seriously they take things all the time, stealing whatever they can carry. I'm trying to find this pic I took a few years ago, had chloe but up with the rest of her inside my mothers purse, she does this type of thing all the time, so I blame her for the missing toonie. Thanks"
I think he tried to pull a Billy Madison "The Puppy Who Lost His Way" and confuse me. You lose, sorry!
(Peers down a hole, as the floor opened beneath Fred and sucked him into it like a mole.)
Oh look! It's a Silver Fox. I guess he chewed through the locks. But let's give him a chance, after all for a fox he has such a human looking stance. That must be tough to do. So Mr. Fox here is the question for you. Which superhero saved the planet 11111111000000111110000 times? He even included those dastardly mimes.
"Google decided to mess with me, my Gmail, and my blogs. Couldn't straighten it out on my Google Chrome browser, but somehow I made things work by going to FireFOX. Hmmmm. And just last night I was reading someone the post where I defended Blogger as a free service which gives you so much. You think I'd be one of their star bloggers after saying that!"
(Waves bye to Fox, as he heads for the docks.)
I knew that springing trap would come in handy. Who knew a fox could fly, isn't that just dandy? The next contestant is LMF. Well come on already acronym woman, we are under the gun. Where is she? What? She's below me? Ohhhh now I see. Shorter that a raisin man, that must bring you such glee. Now now stop your swearing missy, for your question is how do you make a hammer prissy?
"2012 scares me!!! When I first found out about it, I didn't sleep for months!!! Not because of the silly Mayans and their dumb calendar, but because of something else. Supposedly there is a PLANET X that is going to pass our planet for the first time since the dinosaurs became extinct. I don't want to be the next extinct species, do you?? Sigh...."
(Raises his head back to normal view and the laughs ensue.)
No need to get rid of this one. Just stop looking down on the floor and she's all gone, isn't that fun? All these Americans seem kind of slow, let's find a foreign exchange contestant for the show. Those French in Heaven I can't understand, those Germans are jaywalking the moon's land. Some other guy is eating waffles all day. Bloody Hell is also so fun to day dream and say.
What? You want some Irish folk on here? Oh dear. I think I understand the French better then those kilt wearing wankers. What? That's Scottish people and some strange bankers? Aren't they all the same? Okay, so bring on some Irish dame. Wow! O'Leary Air sure is full of well umm hot air. Can she even say that on public TV? That troll is scaring me. Let's get this fecking strat over with before I spoil some Irish myth.
"People already think of me when they're naked in the shower and when they're in bed, so I've got that covered. But I see by looking at this that I need an emblem of some sort so I can break out in the major markets. I'll put my best people on that. The idea of people eating me then wiping their arse with me in the loo later on is an appealing one."
Wait! I didn't even ask the question yet. Was that some kind of Irish threat? Go search for your pot of gold. Take your troll and you've been told.
(Ducks as Anne tries to attack but a cage drops from above, soon after her and her troll get dragged to the back, cussing all the way really quite the display.)
Wow, the network my fine us for that. I'll be sure and send the bill to O'Leary Air's doormat. Oh look who is trotting out with penguins all about. Boy, those penguins can really talk. What was that you squawk?
"PAris Hilton? Really, Pat you naughty Cat, you shouldn't scare me like that... I might get serious traumas when I grow up....."
Damn it! That was not your question. That answer was also more of a suggestion. It sure gave me indigestion or maybe it was that penguin sandwich I ate. What? Even raisins have their moments of regression. Now comes a Crazy mom. That is after she changes a poopy bum. Come on already! Don't you already do this steady?
Hey! Don't throw that diaper at me. You really are crazy!
"After passing gas ROFL! You're too much :0)"
(A foul odor fills the stage and Elisa runs off forgetting about any winning wage.)
What is it with these later contestants today? They keep answering without even hearing the question I first need to say. Where do you find these guys? Are they really martians in disguise? Speaking of which here comes one who has to scratch a limerick itch. So Hank, what happens when you give a monkey a spank?
"Yes it went on a bit while confusing I thought the ends would always rhyme Your trademark on all of your threads Expected the last word not 'tired' but 'dead' Hank"
(Hank falls over looking rather dead. Maybe he just needs to be fed?)
Dead wrong Hank. Ewww you are starting to smell kind of rank. Maybe I see dead people too. Yes, let the laughter ensue. And finally the last contestant of the day. Will we end up giving the million away? You never know. But then again this guy installs motion sensors upside down at his show. So my final question for Al, isn't he such a pal? Is what do you get when you add a horse to a cow stall occupied with a donkey that just had a divorce?
"That's what I look like from too much coffee. Or could it be...toffee? Hey, it rhymes. Don't judge."
Ohhhh Al that was so close. But even you and that little mouse, look better than what would come about. If only you were a tad less descriptive with your shout. Now off you go pal. Everyone wave bye bye to Al.
(The crowd waves goodbye and Al goes through the window and into a tree)
Think I should have shouted bonsai as he went? Or would cowabunga be a better one to vent? Either way that's all the time we have for today folks. Remember, she who eats money chokes. This is Raisin, Robbie Raisin! No longer on the phase in, but on the phase out. What? You want to know what this was all about? Not a thing. Just letting the whoopdi friggin doo fling.
(Everything fades to black and you no longer feel like having a heart attack.)
Isn't that Raisin guy a windbag? Going on an on at his game show rag. It's a shame none of you won though. It seems like such a legit show. But this was long enough and some of you had it real tough, so I will let you go class with one final whoopdi friggin doo from my little rhyming ass.
Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.