Thursday, January 5, 2012

Who Will Answer True On Whoopdi Friggin Doo?

Welcome to Whoopdi Friggin Doo
Where you can win one million dollars if you answer true!

And here is your host,
The cat with the most.

Robbie Raisin!
(What you thought it'd be Drazin?)

That's right! They call me Raisin, Robbie Raisin! As I phase in. But enough about me let's get on with it before you see the same damn commercial five times over. For an Italian Clover or would that be meatballs?

Booo! Booo!

Oh stop with your cat calls.

(Studio induced laughter ensues, to block out the audience boos.)

Our first contestant today is a man known for stalking or at least gawking, that's right it's Mr. Mohawk himself. Welcome Brian, coming dressed as an elf? Brian, you do know Christmas is over right? Plus you kind of have too much height.

(Puts mic in front of Brian, then whips it away as fake laughter roars like a lion.)

I guess Brian has little to say. So why don't we play.

(Creeps up with his raisin self in the face of Brain the elf.)

Brian, for one million dollars and a brand spanking new mule, maybe even a new pool. What is the rare species of orange plant that has a bit of a slant?

"ok i nearly spit coffee at Humptulips, we have a Butthollow Rd nearby, and i often wonder why...funny some of the names given places, makes me wich to see the namers faces, never been to nantucket but know how to...ahem...leave a comment"

(Looks at Brian strange and waves his hands for a change.)

Looks like Brian is still too busy with the egg nog. So he and security can take a jog. Next up on our show is Betsy with her zoo type flow. Maybe she'll win that sought after camel or some other rare mammal.

What? She is too busy to come out? What is that all about? She has her feet in the sink? Time to hook up the video link. There she is soaking feet and all too lazy to leave her hall. So Betsy, what do you call a piece of wood with a splinter in it? Answer already, don't be afraid your feet soaking is a hit.

"wow, I've had quite the day I can't see straight here at your bay You said And Tarsier Man retrieves some little old ladies purse and I thought it said he relieved himself in the purse. Maybe it's because I have to go... Let me take care of that and return to your show. lol...."

(Gives a quick cough and cuts the feed off.)

Well that was rather odd, maybe she just should have gave a nod? And now to try for the million dollar spread, here comes Fred. He has his nose in a book, I guess he wants to cheat like a crook. Okay then answer this, what gives a wall clock bliss?

"Fun piece Pat. I have some loonies here at my joint for sure, and not the kind that wear funny jackets, but the kind you can't use to pay the taxes. Yet some stores will say at par, but others will shun you far. Some will sit and stare and then a light bulb will flash above their free cell, going off like "danger danger" tossing back the coin at you the stranger. Anyhow, i've never the privilege to own a toonie, but the music playing now might disagree, for I love money I can't use for a spending spree. That response was not what I had planned, just kind of flowed all disjointed. Oh, well- i've been off lately- couple good writes and outtakes, that's all good and fine, but I think google planted a bug, making all my comments shrug. Anyhow, I actually do have a small coin collection. I have coins from most countries. Obviously Canadian money is very easy for me to come by, I still have the multicolored dollars, not sure if you still use them or not, haven't renewed my passport in a while, but your money always makes me smile. But a toonie- this I do not have, actually did but then I lost it, think the cats took it and hid it like they do the clothes, dragging them through the house- seriously they take things all the time, stealing whatever they can carry. I'm trying to find this pic I took a few years ago, had chloe but up with the rest of her inside my mothers purse, she does this type of thing all the time, so I blame her for the missing toonie. Thanks"

I think he tried to pull a Billy Madison "The Puppy Who Lost His Way" and confuse me. You lose, sorry!

(Peers down a hole, as the floor opened beneath Fred and sucked him into it like a mole.)

Oh look! It's a Silver Fox. I guess he chewed through the locks. But let's give him a chance, after all for a fox he has such a human looking stance. That must be tough to do. So Mr. Fox here is the question for you. Which superhero saved the planet 11111111000000111110000 times? He even included those dastardly mimes.

"Google decided to mess with me, my Gmail, and my blogs. Couldn't straighten it out on my Google Chrome browser, but somehow I made things work by going to FireFOX. Hmmmm. And just last night I was reading someone the post where I defended Blogger as a free service which gives you so much. You think I'd be one of their star bloggers after saying that!"

(Waves bye to Fox, as he heads for the docks.)

I knew that springing trap would come in handy. Who knew a fox could fly, isn't that just dandy? The next contestant is LMF. Well come on already acronym woman, we are under the gun. Where is she? What? She's below me? Ohhhh now I see. Shorter that a raisin man, that must bring you such glee. Now now stop your swearing missy, for your question is how do you make a hammer prissy?

"2012 scares me!!! When I first found out about it, I didn't sleep for months!!! Not because of the silly Mayans and their dumb calendar, but because of something else. Supposedly there is a PLANET X that is going to pass our planet for the first time since the dinosaurs became extinct. I don't want to be the next extinct species, do you?? Sigh...."

(Raises his head back to normal view and the laughs ensue.)

No need to get rid of this one. Just stop looking down on the floor and she's all gone, isn't that fun? All these Americans seem kind of slow, let's find a foreign exchange contestant for the show. Those French in Heaven I can't understand, those Germans are jaywalking the moon's land. Some other guy is eating waffles all day. Bloody Hell is also so fun to day dream and say.

What? You want some Irish folk on here? Oh dear. I think I understand the French better then those kilt wearing wankers. What? That's Scottish people and some strange bankers? Aren't they all the same? Okay, so bring on some Irish dame. Wow! O'Leary Air sure is full of well umm hot air. Can she even say that on public TV? That troll is scaring me. Let's get this fecking strat over with before I spoil some Irish myth.

"People already think of me when they're naked in the shower and when they're in bed, so I've got that covered. But I see by looking at this that I need an emblem of some sort so I can break out in the major markets. I'll put my best people on that. The idea of people eating me then wiping their arse with me in the loo later on is an appealing one."

Wait! I didn't even ask the question yet. Was that some kind of Irish threat? Go search for your pot of gold. Take your troll and you've been told.

(Ducks as Anne tries to attack but a cage drops from above, soon after her and her troll get dragged to the back, cussing all the way really quite the display.)

Wow, the network my fine us for that. I'll be sure and send the bill to O'Leary Air's doormat. Oh look who is trotting out with penguins all about. Boy, those penguins can really talk. What was that you squawk?

"PAris Hilton? Really, Pat you naughty Cat, you shouldn't scare me like that... I might get serious traumas when I grow up....."

Damn it! That was not your question. That answer was also more of a suggestion. It sure gave me indigestion or maybe it was that penguin sandwich I ate. What? Even raisins have their moments of regression. Now comes a Crazy mom. That is after she changes a poopy bum. Come on already! Don't you already do this steady?

Hey! Don't throw that diaper at me. You really are crazy!

"After passing gas ROFL! You're too much :0)"

(A foul odor fills the stage and Elisa runs off forgetting about any winning wage.)

What is it with these later contestants today? They keep answering without even hearing the question I first need to say. Where do you find these guys? Are they really martians in disguise? Speaking of which here comes one who has to scratch a limerick itch. So Hank, what happens when you give a monkey a spank?

"Yes it went on a bit while confusing I thought the ends would always rhyme Your trademark on all of your threads Expected the last word not 'tired' but 'dead' Hank"

(Hank falls over looking rather dead. Maybe he just needs to be fed?)

Dead wrong Hank. Ewww you are starting to smell kind of rank. Maybe I see dead people too. Yes, let the laughter ensue. And finally the last contestant of the day. Will we end up giving the million away? You never know. But then again this guy installs motion sensors upside down at his show. So my final question for Al, isn't he such a pal? Is what do you get when you add a horse to a cow stall occupied with a donkey that just had a divorce?

"That's what I look like from too much coffee. Or could it be...toffee? Hey, it rhymes. Don't judge."

Ohhhh Al that was so close. But even you and that little mouse, look better than what would come about. If only you were a tad less descriptive with your shout. Now off you go pal. Everyone wave bye bye to Al.

(The crowd waves goodbye and Al goes through the window and into a tree)

Think I should have shouted bonsai as he went? Or would cowabunga be a better one to vent? Either way that's all the time we have for today folks. Remember, she who eats money chokes. This is Raisin, Robbie Raisin! No longer on the phase in, but on the phase out. What? You want to know what this was all about? Not a thing. Just letting the whoopdi friggin doo fling.

(Everything fades to black and you no longer feel like having a heart attack.)

*******************

Isn't that Raisin guy a windbag? Going on an on at his game show rag. It's a shame none of you won though. It seems like such a legit show. But this was long enough and some of you had it real tough, so I will let you go class with one final whoopdi friggin doo from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

48 comments:

  1. I love the idea of a rhyming cat, didn't Baudelaire have one or like ten?. Thanks for following

    ReplyDelete
  2. I didn't even get to leave with a lousy version of the home game. :(

    ReplyDelete
  3. lol...i am with fox, where is my consolation box, you pieced this show together well from our comments, captured some funny moments...so i will go put the elf costume back on the shelf i assume, like that double rhyme dont you. to to dely do

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love this writing man, Cowabunga is definitely a great way to vent haha, sounds a good idea to me. I actually had a really weird dream during my nightly dreaming session that involved you uploading video blogs and reading your rhymes such as this out loud, it was interesting stuff. Excellent writing as usual anyway Pat, it's always a treat to read your work in the mornings buddy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Entertaining Pat. You should have this as a regular feature--poke the regulars.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Not sure how many he had
    That was long ago just a tad
    Rhyming cats are fun
    With each tale that is spun

    Great you say
    Here my way

    hahaha next time I'll have to keep that in mind
    Maybe he'll give away a consolation prize of some kind

    Cats and game show are a good mix
    Especially with their various tricks

    hahaha Next time there will be a consolation prize for you
    Not sure you will want it though once you give it a view
    Yes the double rhyme was nice
    But can you do it twice

    Hmmm you dreamed about me
    I guess that's okay considering I was only rhyming
    A video blog will prob never come due
    As understanding cats is something that seems to puzzle quite a few haha

    haha sounds like a good idea to do
    Just remember that when I take a poke at you

    ReplyDelete
  7. fun as usual! keep up the good work, man! :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hahah great work, man. Love the effort you put into your posts! :P

    ReplyDelete
  9. haha...i always suspected it could be dangerous to comment at this place..smiles ...this was a fun read

    ReplyDelete
  10. This was almost too dynamic and suspenseful for my little ticky ticker :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. It will be kept up for a while
    In my typical rhyming style

    The effort looks more than it actually may be
    But it's still always there somewhere at my sea

    hahaha yep better watch what you say
    Could be used against you at my bay

    Well glad you still have your ticky ticker ticking away
    Wouldn't what the ticking to stop because of my display

    ReplyDelete
  12. the rhyming cat is a cat in a hat owned by pat hatt? NICE

    ReplyDelete
  13. Really??? I'm not pocket-sized!! I'm "petite".

    What you missed about this whole game show, is that when you all looked up I grabbed the money and ran. No one noticed because apparently I'm only about a foot tall!!! :P

    This is great! I cracked up all the way through!

    and for the record...Planet X still freaks me out!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well the cat let's Pat think he owns me
    But really its the other way around you see

    LOL that raisin man had to poke fun
    As it went on his game show run
    Hmmmm I think you some funny money there
    Unless you are really strong and I'm unaware
    Do you know how much a million bucks in 20's weighs?
    If you didn't take it I doubt you ran away in a blaze..haha
    Planet X is on big fake though
    Just read up on it and that you will soon know
    You better go knock on some wood too
    Cracking up may make those superstitions come due haha

    ReplyDelete
  15. "So Hank, what happens when you give a monkey a spank?"

    It's best we not answer that.

    This is brilliant. The rhyming talent is insane, this blog is anything but plain, I need to train, because when I rhyme I really strain.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I am very strong. Don't forget, I work out...Dragging that million $$ in twenties was a breeze for me. Pshh

    Forget the wood...now it's all about the rump!! Hopefully that oh so "famous" Rompologist checks out her dog's butt again and looks into the Planet X!! (LMAO!!!)

    ReplyDelete
  17. You are very talented and humerous

    ReplyDelete
  18. Very fun. But I'll be sure to continue to post boring comments so as to remain in the "safe zone", so to speak.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Next time you get a toonie, knock the center bit out and tie it to a string and wear it around your neck! That way you wont loose it!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oh. my. gosh.
    I knew your little hint yesterday
    was meant for the post today.

    The one time I say I have to pee
    and it goes down in history.

    Yes, my famous feet soaking is a hit all over then land,
    not just with Mr. Neighbor Man.

    And don't ask for a consolation prize!
    Have you lost your mind, guys?
    You'll get a Pringle's can full of crap
    and that's a big Face It Fact.

    So, I want to know
    before I go
    if Robbie Raisin is really Grape Face in disguise
    Yes, I think that's what I surmise. :)

    Note to self...next time just 'give a nod'. hahaha.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I lost on jeopardy. lol Fun revisiting bit. Fun bit, haven't seen a game show in quite some time, but used to love those whammies when i was nine. Robbie Raisin, that's too much:)

    ReplyDelete
  22. oh this is great theater of the mind! excellent post full of entertainment :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. really special post Pat, after read this I think my life is really "normal" *sigh*
    dear:)

    ReplyDelete
  24. LOL yeah best we not answer that indeed
    Look at you rhyming at my feed
    Even if there was a little strain
    You sure let it rain

    HA! Dragging I see you said
    What can't lift them over your head?..lol
    LMAO oh yes that rumpologist has to give that a look
    I'm surprised there is no rumpology book
    I think I'll have to give that a go at my tree
    But we will just have to see

    Sounds good to me
    Here at bush number three

    LOL yeah could be wise to keep your tone
    In that safe zone

    Glad it was fun
    The game show I spun

    haha I think I've lost it long ago
    But at least I'd have a half toonie to show

    LOL it has been marked it the rhyme time history books
    For all who come and have some looks
    haha hey you ruined my consolation prize
    Now I will have to get wise
    And come up with another one
    That is even more fun
    Hmmm maybe Robbie Raisin could be grape face
    After all you discarded him at your place
    Maybe he holds a grudge against you
    And yeah better a nod comes due..lol

    Yeah I haven't watched one in a while as well
    But I thought what the hell
    Whoopdi friggin doo made a great title
    And I couldn't remain idle

    Theater of the mind
    That is great and a new one to my little behind

    haha normal is good to be
    Bored is fine to sometimes you see

    ReplyDelete
  25. I could return the Santa that wags
    for a consolation gag. :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. a true classic from raison the cat
    at the end and before i wanted to clap
    he's part of this family of rhymers over here
    their jingles have a way of seeping in like a sear
    i try to put words together after the show
    and all i can think of is what rhymes with toe
    so once again i'm pulling myself out of this sparkly rabbit hole
    trust word of mouth, never the polls

    ReplyDelete
  27. haha but he might not wag as well at any other person out there
    He's "grown"..lol...comfortable at your lair

    Seems to be many a rhymer at my sea
    Including thee
    Yeah they seep in rather well
    I must tell
    So I gave them a shout back
    On the game show attack
    You even wanted to clap
    Such a nice chap..haha

    ReplyDelete
  28. Are you saying Santa has the hots for me?
    lol....well whoopdi friggin doozy.
    Yeah, I could kind of tell
    his body language blew it all to hell.
    ha.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Will you give me one million dollars?

    ReplyDelete
  30. I don't know.. but.. I think I'm some odd level of disturbed right now.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Fecking hell that was something else.......

    ReplyDelete
  32. That sounds like a whole bunch of awesomeness!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Thanks for making my day...me, am not saying anything except that this is amazing ~ ha..ha...

    ReplyDelete
  34. I'd pay to watch a gameshow that was more like this.

    People flying into trees when they answer incorrectly? Awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  35. hahaha Santa has no shame at all
    He surely lets you know his feelings at your hall...LOL

    You give me two million dollars today
    And I'll give you one million tomorrow without delay
    Sound good?
    It should haha

    LOL I made you disturbed did I
    Hmmm I may have to save that comment for the next outcry

    Something else works for me
    Here at my rhyming sea

    Glad it was a trip
    Hopefully it was hip

    Glad it was awesome too
    As you had a view

    LOL now you have to watch what you say at my bay
    But amazing works for today
    I'm sure I'll get you at some point
    When you have your say at my joint

    hahaha yeah when they lose they get the boot out the window
    Or the floor gives way and they fall down below

    ReplyDelete
  36. You are so silly and fun.
    This is a very clever one.
    Fake laughter you need not.
    I laugh out loud when here a lot.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  37. Me and diapers! Watch out LOL! These kids have been training me for the Apocalypse. I better practice my aim if I want to survive 2012 LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  38. haha that sounds good to me
    As my studio laugh machine is busted at my sea
    So some really ones are what I need
    Glad they are enduced at my feed

    LOL stinky diaper bombs wil cause me to duck
    Hitting others and making them go what the truck
    To be a 2012 survivor one needs aim
    Better up your game..haha

    ReplyDelete
  39. Pat, where do you get these ideas?! Fun how you included fellow bloggers...I wondered if that's where you were going with Brian but then the German jaywalking the moon confirmed my suspicion. That's one talented cat you've hired.

    ReplyDelete
  40. This is seriously epic! a whole game show in rhyme form. you sir, are awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  41. haha the ideas jut pop on in
    As I give it a rhyming spin
    Yeah it's a good thing I hired the cat
    Could get too boring under Pat

    Epic once more at my sea
    That fills me with glee

    Awesome too
    Like when that comes due

    ReplyDelete