Thursday, February 16, 2012

Just For All Of You A Smashing One I Will Do!

Many seem to get a kick out of the smash a printer. So I figured I'd go about how to do it like Master Splinter. Of course if you are covered in ooze stay away, as that will surely give my OCD dismay.

You're printer is busted,
What do you do?
The thing that you trusted,
Just made red turn blue.

It creeks and it cracks,
And just won't work.
No matter the smacks,
Your printer is still a jerk.

Maybe the repair guy is magic,
And will fix it for you.
Oh this is surely tragic,
Costs more to fix than buying brand new.

Now after your trip,
Which was such a waste.
You carry it by your hip,
Wait! Why bother? Let's turn it to paste.

Drop the thing where you stand,
And go get a bat.
The feeling is grand,
As you take off your hat.

Raise the bat into the air,
And let the thing fly.
Who cares if it's rare,
The thing has to die.

Use that God given muscle,
And swing for the fence.
There is no need to hustle,
Be sure to give it your two cents.

It burns calories too,
So heed my advice,
Let the neighbors view,
As they scurry about like mice.

For it's a secret wish,
That they want as well.
Instead they swim like fish,
As you send the thing to Hell.

Smile at all the pieces,
Swing until you can't anymore.
Bet you find your anger decreases,
As you have won the war.

No longer can it creek and crack,
Causing you grief.
For with one final whack,
You are full of relief.

Throw the bat over your shoulder,
And just walk away.
Let the chaos smolder,
Leaving it's death on display.

Now printers will beware,
When they come to your shack.
No matter how rare,
They will hum and no longer creek or crack.

Now wasn't that fun? Don't you just want to go out and give smashing a printer a run? I found one that doesn't work. So just maybe I'll have to give myself that perk. It might just have to be done someday when I once more can see the warm sun. So don't let your feelings pass, smash that printer and don't forget to thank my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

110 comments:

  1. Havnt owned a printer in ages, but when I did it was ridiculous to replace those ink cartridges so forget about it breaking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yeah those suckers cost a lot indeed
      I have one but always use works feed
      I'll waste theirs and not mine
      So smashing mine would be fine..haha

      Delete
  2. Many times have I wanted to smash a printer to bits...those damn printers are pieces of shit!

    And the guest post...never seen it in my email. It was the right address. Perhaps try sending it again. Or you can try this address...
    djordan@kewire.com. That is my work address and I know it works fine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha yep a piece of shit
      That I'd like to break bit by bit
      Sent it too that first one once more
      Just gave it another encore
      With that second one
      My email must not like giving it a run

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. haha mine is just collecting dust
      But my old one I really wanted to bust

      Delete
  4. It's one of my favorite activities, smashing printers that is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha they should make it an olympic event
      Could at least let many vent

      Delete
    2. An olympic event?
      On tickets I'd pay some cents
      Just to see you win the gold
      for your venting shown so bold.

      I'm sure you'd make your country proud
      and hear applaus from all the crowd
      as you could make the biggest dents
      and your title you'd never relent.

      You could wind up with your face on a pringles can
      that's more appropriate than being a Wheaties man
      Since you don't really eat that stuff
      and on your system would feel a little rough.
      lol...

      Delete
    3. LOL I'm all for that
      Maybe I'd get a lifetime supply of free pringles at my mat
      That would sure save some dough
      And smashing printers is one event I know..haha
      Yeah it would be rather rough when it took hold
      Thanks to only eating the same old same old

      Delete
    4. I'd buy a can with your face on the side
      then I'd tell my friends, "I know this guy!"
      :)

      Delete
    5. hahaha I'd still use it for cat poo
      What else is there to do?

      Delete
    6. you could order those speakers that fit inside
      and make your face play a tune as the songs collide.

      Delete
    7. LOL can you imagine if the lips moved to the song too
      I'd keep it then and use a different can to clean the cat loo..haha

      Delete
    8. If your lips would move
      I might have to save them, too
      Just so you would sing to me
      How awesome would that be?
      lol...

      Delete
    9. As long as it was another voice
      With a few different song choice
      For if it was me
      And fill it with waste from the kitty..haha

      Delete
    10. Oh, I don't believe that
      Practice in your wooden spoon a while
      and soon you'll be singing in style!

      Delete
    11. LOL don't have a wooden spoon at my bay
      I have a metal one though would that create the same display

      Delete
  5. Haha... I love 'The things got to die'... haha
    No matter how good it is, it's totally useless if it doesn't work.
    I was breaking up ice yesterday in the parking lot while it was above zero temps to get to the car. I'd rather smash a printer through the winter than be out there trying to break up ice!
    Don't know about you there but we have another storm on its way Fri/Sat.. Yuck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah if it doesn't work
      It is nothing but a jerk
      And is no added perk
      That you can kill with a smirk
      Yeah I'll take that over ice too
      As that crap is such a pain and nasty to view
      Haven't checked the weather as of late
      I sooo hope that's not our fate

      Delete
  6. We had one that needed smashing once.

    It would take me to the brink
    make me cry tears in the sink
    Frustrate me to hell
    make me want to yell
    Pop or pill or two
    and maybe a vein, too
    But my new one works just fine
    and everything is sublime.
    ha.

    Oh, btw...my life turned crazy as of late
    sorry for the delay, mate.
    with the kitty clinic set up here
    and Spencer home with a fever
    Haven't even opened your book
    to have a little look
    Now that things have settled down
    I'm looking forward to hearing the sound
    of Jack, Emily and Mason, too
    oh..and let's not forget Teru!
    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaha sounds like it was quite the pain
      Causing a headache to your brain
      Surely deserved a smashing to come due
      At least run over by you..haha
      Yeah life gets in the way
      No call for dismay
      The kitties and kids come first
      And you might be surprised with your Jack and Emily thirst
      For as I said I have a plan in store
      And with number three you'll tell I surely set up number four
      Life in they way a bit here too
      But will get the other side thing to you
      Hopefully soon
      From this kitty loon

      Delete
    2. Oh, I'm expecting the unexpected
      all the books have that interjected!
      That's what makes them so great
      as predictable they ain't.
      ha.

      Looking forward to that other one
      just send it over when you're done. :)

      Delete
    3. That they are not
      Thanks to the tv I watch alot..haha
      Will send it through
      When it comes due
      Although now stupid blogger is screwing with me
      Not showing the new posts of my sea
      So have to look at that
      Stupid blogger shunning the cat

      Delete
  7. That printer I have now is my second, and I have to say this is fine but I dont know how many times will be:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah eventually they all turn to crap
      That must take a big dirt nap
      And a smashing must come due
      Should be tried one day by you

      Delete
  8. Clearly you've been in a cubicle far too long. Did someone steal your stapler like in OfficeSpace??? LOL!!

    This post gets me mad because I don't have a printer!!!! I could go out and buy one, but then how would I set it up?! Stoping smashing them and send them to me!!

    On a lighter note, about a month ago Peaches and I were going out to lunch. On the way back, what was laying busted in the middle of the road? A printer!!!! I blame you for that. And I blame you for the extra traffic it caused. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL I don't even have walls for my cubicle though
      So I have a reason to let the anger flow..hahaha
      I made you mad
      Oh that makes me so glad..haha
      How would you set it up?
      Are you that ummm tech challenged that you can't do it without a hiccup?..haha
      But all that postage is no fun
      I have to give smashing a run
      hahahahaha someone took my printer remark to heart
      And chucked it from their cart
      Letting people run that thing over and smash it
      Sorry for the traffic hit
      But I can shoulder the blame
      After someone joined the smashing game..haha

      Delete
    2. You don't have walls? Where do you hang up all your pretty pictures?!

      and I am very tech challenged. It's bad...

      Oh, I'm glad you find TheLoveBug vs TheRoadPrinter to be a funny story. I found it sad that I can't print home b/c I don't have one, and there was one smashed to bits in the middle of the road. Not to mention, I was late coming back to lunch b/c of all the dum dums that had to slow down to look at the thing. It's a printer. Why must they stare?!?!

      Delete
    3. Nope no walls what so ever
      I have no pretty pictures at my work endeavor
      Everything is all nice and neat and bare
      Which makes some people stare
      Thinking I have nothing to do
      But it's fun to watch as they gock at my clean desk in their view
      Yeah ocd made me do that
      And tech challenged..LOL...know wonder you want to find that shack in the woods to hang your hat
      No need for tech there
      Yeah funny how people stope and stare
      Like the damn thing is rare
      Wal-mart has a billion of the things at their lair
      And late once more
      But than again working so much I'd want to be late too at your work shore

      Delete
    4. I don't have a hat to hang!! Well, I suppose I can get one....Sigh!

      I've never been to Walmart. But you're right!! Go to freakin Walmart and stare at those printers like they are an extinct dodo bird and get out of my damn way!!!

      P.S. I got in trouble for being excessively late. I have no choice but to arrive on time from now on. The Japanese don't believe in tardiness!

      Delete
    5. LOL well you can hang your clock of american idol guy
      You've never been to Walmart? Is that a lie?
      They don't have them in NY or something?
      Up here they are everywhere with their circus ring.
      hahaha I sense a little anger with the traffic loons
      But you know when it comes to driving many are mindless babboons
      hahahaha they are regular slave drivers I will say
      Gung Ho showed me that as I watched it again the other day
      Glad I have the relaxed Canadians for a boss
      Or I'd quit and let the desk grow moss..haha

      Delete
    6. We have Walmart here. But that is where you go to get raped/jumped/kidnapped/BuyDrugs. You shouldn't even drive past them here! They are dangerous!

      I tried real hard not to laugh, and then you had to write "grow moss" and I spit all over my screen from a burst of LOL. Reallll classsy, Jax. Sigh...

      Gung Ho? Will this move/show/documentary give me working tips??? lol

      Delete
    7. Ohhhh well yeah avoid that place you surely should
      Ours doesn't go all in the hood
      Worst I ever got was Jiggle Jugs following me around
      With his stupid christmas sound
      So NY walmart = bad
      That will be remembered by this lad..haha
      LOL so would you file spitting all over the screen under one of your lists on what not to do?
      On a date or that work one that came due?..LOL
      It's a movie and nope won't give you tips
      But it was just fun to watch the cultures clash as the Japanese really bring out their whips..haha

      Delete
    8. I remember Jiggle Jugs!! hahaha But I thought you were super brave to go to Walmart...LOL!!!

      and, yes, but the list would say "Why not to read the cat at work". 1. He makes you look crazy, 2. He makes you spit on computers, 3. He makes your knees itch

      LOL kiddingggg :)

      Delete
    9. LOL well we can still pretend I'm super brave
      But yeah here there is not guns, muggers or murders near the walmart cave
      LMAO the cat would like that list
      And would not shake his fist
      As it was all done by you
      Quite cocky that he made those things come due..lol

      Delete
    10. Sigh...my OCD has me listing it all in my brain right now. Good thing I'm close to post its!!

      Delete
    11. LOL you have to at least send the cat the rules sometime
      Reading them would be sublime

      Delete
  9. I've 2 to smash.

    Then kick to the trash.

    But what I really think

    is what's up with the ink.

    Costs more for that

    than the machine, Pat Hatt.

    Oy.

    Xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Two at once would be grand
      Take pics and show them at your blog land
      Yeah it is so pathetic the cost of the ink
      Surely causes one to kick up a stink
      Better off smashing it and buying a new one
      Same cost as buying new ink to run

      Delete
  10. Jannie brings up a great point. Inspired by this poem, next time I need ink, I'm just going to bash the stupid printer with a baseball bat and buy a new one. Cheaper than ink to replace AND a stress reliever! Sold!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha looks like it is a growing trend
      Make sure you take pics to send
      And yeah it is a very good point to bring about
      As the price of ink just makes many pout

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. Glad the printers
      Didn't give you splinters

      Delete
  12. hmmm not having a printer seems to safe lots of troubles ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha yeah avoiding a such a thing
      Gives you no need to swing

      Delete
    2. this is just like Birdie
      pratical, reliable and not at all dirty
      just don't have a printer!
      things couldn't be simpler!
      :)

      Delete
    3. Yeah if you don't bother with it
      There will be no need for a printer smashing fit

      Delete
  13. My printers haven't really been the bane of my existence, but there have been many times I've wanted to take an Uzi to my computer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah there have been a few times I wanted to do that too
      I beat the hell out of my old one when I switched to new
      As it caused me so much grief
      I needed the relief..haha

      Delete
  14. I like your rhyme
    it's well past time
    that I might say
    you made my day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Look at you
      Making a rhyme come due
      Glad i could make your day
      And cause no dismay

      Delete
  15. Awesome Pat! I love the winter thing at the end of all your posts but I'm not sure if I really want to go all out and actually smash one any time soon, you know?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha if you have one sitting there and is no good
      Smash it to bits you should

      Delete
  16. hehe i like your bat cat, and there have been times i wanted to do just that, and swing as you might, you might just make the majors alright

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Getting in the majors and making that cash
      Would surely be worth the printer clash
      So I'll raise my bat and have some fun
      Maybe one day when it's warm under the sun

      Delete
    2. forget the majors
      Pat's joining the olympics
      things couldn't be stranger
      or more simplistic
      watch for his face on a pringles can
      it will be worth something in this land
      lol...

      Delete
    3. But the majors make more money
      I guess the pringle endorsement for the olympics would make the money runny
      So either will do
      If it were to ensue

      Delete
  17. Reminds me of the time we taped ourselves just smashing a t.v. The thing kept showing re-runs and E.T.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha you can only hear E.T. phone home so many times
      Before you want to end his chimes
      And those re-runs just make me sigh
      So the TV surely needed to die

      Delete
    2. Not a movie, but a show I was referring to,
      Entertainment tonight, the awful celebrity zoo.

      With the voice of that woman lisa
      putting people in sieza

      We could only think of one fitting way
      To put the thing down, lest we twitch away

      Delete
    3. Ohhhh that stupid ass show
      Yeah I hate her voices as it starts to flow
      Telling all the celebrity junk
      Like who and who are in a funk
      Just listening to that crap blare
      I'd put the thing down right then and there

      Delete
  18. This rhyme I am down with. Obviously very Office Space. I think you should scream "You've been TONED down" or some clever catch phrase when sending that damn printer to meat its maker!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL I will have to remember that one
      If I ever have some real smashing fun
      Right at the end I'll tone it down
      And let the bits fly all over town

      Delete
  19. Seldom use a printer anymore. Paper lasts for ages. Last time I wanted to smash my printer I bought a new cartridge and didn't get in right and I really couldn't figure out what I did wrong. Finally I did!!!! But not before I really wanted to smash it to smithereens.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah the last time I used mine was a good year or more ago
      Sounded like it was going to blow
      So I would surely beat it to smithereens with ease
      For it would very much please

      Delete
  20. haha...think you just scared all the printers in blogworld into submission...smiles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL well that is a good thing
      For now woes they will no longer bring

      Delete
  21. Replies
    1. Damn fine job
      Now it's nothing but a blob

      Delete
  22. Ha, nice piece, very informative. Step by step with play by play, words that ease dismay. I was waiting for No printers were harmed in the making of this rhyme. Those printer making companies, you know the ones that sell for 50 bucks but where their ink refills cost 60, those guys, they are going to be pissed, perhaps the cat will wind up in a printer company battle royale. Probably be fine too, hopefully the laser ones don't show though. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL oh the printers need to be brought harm
      I don't care if I raise an alarm
      They put me through crap
      They take a dirt nap
      I'll dodge the lasers as well
      And send those thing straight to hell..haha

      Delete
  23. That's why everyone should just invest in a giant Guttenberg moveable type printing press! Much easier than a pesky HP or whatever haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha sure those cost way more and are a tad out of date
      But I bet they wouldn't bring forth so much hate

      Delete
  24. I took your advice
    And now that I'm through
    I see I mistook my printer
    For my CPU.

    Oops.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL that was a big oopsy daisy
      Were your eyes hazy
      Or did you just have bad aim
      Either way the stupid printer is to blame

      Delete
  25. But I like the smashing printer thing. Makes me think of a future based Smashing Pumpkins cover band. The rhyme made me want to smash a printer. I don't have one anymore. Lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL printers everywhere have to beware
      For this rhyme at my lair
      Will bring forth their demise
      So they bettet dawn a disguise

      Delete
  26. what can I smash if I'm short of a printer as I am? :) Any expert recommendations?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmmmm got an old microwave
      Somewhere at your cave
      Those things are fun to smash too
      Have smash ones of those good and the parts flew

      Delete
    2. nope, we don't use microwaves, I suspect the secret services use their waves to spy on us celebs. Whenever you pop popcorn in a microwave someone in CIA is watching you :)

      Delete
    3. Geez you really are paranoid over there
      Those penguins need to sweep for bugs at your lair
      And get some blocking jammer
      Bashing the bugs with a hammer

      Delete
  27. I'm late it seems, but break from drawing did I need, so here I came to your bay and for a short time play. A printer you say to smash to bits into baubles for the cat to play. What? No Pringles for cat to bat around, but technology into ruins he layed. Oh strat that I say, have a grand day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Always welcome to play
      And with a fun rhyme to display
      The cat leaves the Pringles be
      As they are filled with what comes out of me..haha
      LOL using my word too
      That strat is fun to see from you

      Delete
  28. Oh, thank you! I needed that today!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here at my feed
      The cat always helps those in need

      Delete
  29. Let the chaos smolder! That's what we all should do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes it has to be done
      It would just be so much fun

      Delete
  30. I'll ask my printer to print this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL not sure it would grant your request
      But you can put it to the test

      Delete
  31. You hear that, printer? Good. Now, if you'd only pass it on to the scanner . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha my printer and scanner are as one
      So when one goes the other is done

      Delete
  32. The neighbors are starting
    To call 911
    They think that my overworked
    brain is undone.
    .....and all because I took your advice. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shhh I would not admit that if I were you
      They may lock you up for saying it's true!
      I got the advice from a rhyming cat
      They will surely think you are crazy at your mat..haha

      Delete
  33. he..he....I love my printer to do this...

    I enjoyed the post as well as all the comments...good
    thing my printer is always nice and humming ~

    Good night Pat ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww glad you can give it some love
      While the cat puts on a glove
      And smashes his to bits
      Yeah seems many has a printer that is the pits

      Delete
  34. i've been meaning to do that to my laptop.
    i have a new one now, but the old laptop...it's still there with all its problems :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well it can work on those too
      So give it a go as I'm sure it is about time the smashing came due

      Delete
  35. Replies
    1. Glad I can sum it up
      As that's what happens when a printer has a hiccup

      Delete
  36. I'd rather just use thermite and burn the whole thing. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suppose that would work too
      But not as fun to do
      Maybe after the smashing then it will be thermite's turn
      And make the leftovers feel the burn

      Delete
  37. reminds me of that scene from office space

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha yeah reminds many of that
      Including the cat

      Delete
  38. lol, alright. Finally cracking down on that printer smashing business.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha making a business out of it
      Hmmm that idea could be a hit

      Delete
  39. Perhaps the same talents can be applied to a creaky computer as well?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, pick up a bat
      And the computer you can squash flat

      Delete
  40. This was an exhilarating read! My stupid printer really IS driving me nuts. I should bring it to the batting cages ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha glad I could exhilarate
      And bring that printer up to home plate
      Giving the thing a swing
      Laughing as it falls apart with each cling

      Delete