The cat was reading one of these things the other day and it sounded so stupid and redundant I had to give them a go at my bay. So time for some label fun, as I give some of the most pathetic a run.
"Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap."
Hmm I think somewhere along the way some wires got crossed or maybe they sucked on some unwanted exhaust. As it seems they contain what they say they don't need. Probably would have been a good idea if they had decided to re-read.
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
So you don't need to purchase to be a winner but the details on how to win are inside what will spoil your dinner. Maybe it means after you buy one then no purchase necessary, either way seems they won.
"Remove the plastic wrapper."
On said instructions that you can't see until your remove the plastic wrapper. Doesn't these make them seem like an oh so wise flapper?
"The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position."
Do I even need to get into this one? The on's are there a ton. So even though I'm on, I won't go on and on at my lawn. No button to turn me on, is my on a con?
"Optional modem required."
I think someone needs a dictionary before they speak or their brains have begun to leak.
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
So you take a sleeping pill to sleep right? To help you sleep through the night. I always thought to get to sleep you have to be drowsy during the course of it. Maybe it's a super secret way so you can sleep as soon as you sit.
"Do not eat if seal is missing."
Now this would be a wise thing to say so no food is tainted your way. But guess what? It must have been written by a mutt. As it says it on the seal. So if the seal is lost, you'll still think you've got the real deal.
"Warning: May contain nuts."
If you buy a package of peanuts and you expect chicken. I think you've been stricken with one too many blows to the head. For your common sense is dead.
"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball."
So you buy a toy ball and you have to be told at your hall that the ball is a small ball. What next? Telling you it will bounce off the wall.
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
Where the hell else are you going to put it? Some deep dark pit? Outerspace? I think whoever wrote this should hide their face.
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
And the best of them all. You just bought a Superman costume for your kid at the mall. Now you have to be told it doesn't fly. Damn! You really should have bought the suit of that Spiderman guy. At least you could swing. No flying must sting.
Some facts on these things should be looked over fifty thousand times. But at least they make for good rhymes. The worst part of it all though, as there are nuts out there that need this to show. So if you believe a Superman suit can make you fly. All I have left to do is sigh and tell you to get a loonie bin pass. And that's all the labels today from my little rhyming ass.
Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.