Saturday, February 18, 2012

Time To Go How Not Which You Humans Do A Lot!

Done a few how to things here and there, along with some what to do at my lair. But never did a how not, so I figured maybe you humans should be taught. Here are some Face it Facts on what not to do from the cat to all of you.

How not to win a war. I suppose if you are looking to the sky and not the ground floor, it may work. Although it would probably give quite the jerk. It might even flip upside down and then you'd truly win the how not to crown.

How not to escape the loonie bin. You'd be better off saying you were Rin Tin Tin. There is no way you would get out with this type of crazy shout. But if you're looking for more meds in your cup, it will surely be filled up.


How not to catch a fly ball. Bad enough you ran into the wall but almost kicking the other guy down below, that is truly a how not to low. Bet it was an in the park homerun that day under the sun.

How not to make a threat. This is a pretty safe beat. Each episode is 22 minutes or so. So that would be 264 minutes for it to blow. Hmm kind of off wouldn't you say? Maybe he meant five minutes come May.

How not to teach your cat to hunt. If you just let them be a lazy runt then you will be over flowed with these, as the rats will do whatever they please. Yeah, that is just plain ewww and maybe scary too.


How not to skateboard. This will surely scrape your behind giving you the equivalent of a hemorrhoid. If you insist on riding around on a piece of wood, some soft cushy mattresses would be good.


How not to create your own submarine. Did you think you could get out of this watery scene? The hole is what, ten feet deep? And if you were trying to park all you should do is weep.

How not to look scary. You may as well pick up a berry and threaten to use it. For this might cause a laughing fit. Stop or I'll shoot. Maybe he has a magic gun in his boot.


How not to go under the radar when you make your evil schemes. So you want to win at your fantasy league teams and don't want to be noticed one bit. Wearing theses things will surely do it. Errr ummm sure it will. No one will look at you like you're from crazyville.

How not to win a million bucks. Awww shucks, that elephant was just so big it must have been that wig. How crazy can one be? The moon is bigger than the damn sea. If we had an elephant like that we'd all be squashed flat. But at least she wins the how not to award. I'm sure that strikes a chord. I know it's so much better than a million dollars lass and never fear, you don't have to thank my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

84 comments:

  1. Haha, some of these are seriously horrendous fails Pat, like when you really select that an elephant is bigger than the moon you are seriously beyond help haha. The Ultimate Warrior is insane too, cool to see him getting some burying in your blog too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that elephant on is a big fail
      She had to be high or drunk on ale
      Seriously over the limit too
      For such an answer to come due
      Yeah the warrior is a nut
      Had to give him a burying at my hut

      Delete
  2. Damn that "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and those trick questions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they are so tricky one can never tell
      If the moon is bigger than even a well

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. Glad it was funny
      Here where it's sunny

      Delete
  4. hahaha ... but you don't want all those rats back home ... yikes! lol love that submarine car, that must have been a smooth landing ... :-))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah just looks like the car dropped right in
      And all those rats would be nasty and truly a sin..haha

      Delete
  5. wait.. she had to go half-half on a 'which one is bigger?' question!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yeah that was pretty sad
      But the other two could have been grass and Batman's pad
      That could confuse
      Her umm muse

      Delete
  6. Oh my word---all those nasty rats--gross!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep gross by a ton
      Some cat needs to get on that one

      Delete
  7. haha...thanks for the saturday smile...i think this guy with the car was just out for a free of charge car wash...ts ts... and the skateboard pic is really cool...maybe they made it back to earth without too many scratches..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha you may be right
      Just wanted a cheap car wash to take flight
      Although prob cost more to get it out of the hole
      Not sure he saved on his goal
      Hmmm I bet they got a scratch or two
      As they fell into view

      Delete
  8. the third pic is super romantic, makes my heart melt :) The fifth one will give me eternal nightmares! What kind of cat are you if you allow so many rats play games around your cassa?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww you like it when they collide together
      In nice sunny weather
      And almost knee the other down below
      Those rats aren't from my show
      That Lemur of yours sent me the pic
      I guess he was mad when they tried to give him a lick

      Delete
  9. i have skated for years...and surely took a bit off my rear...i need to have meetings in helmets, of course if caught we would be convicts, thanks for the chuckle this morning, you certain dont do boring...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tried once and fell on my ass
      So that sorta made me take a pass
      Just don't get caught
      Or you may get made fun of a lot
      Glad there is no boring
      Wouldn't want to hear anyone snoring

      Delete
  10. You have definitely outdone yourself here with these pictures, Pat!! The tank driver must have been texting. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL texting in a tank
      I'm sure for that one they made him walk the plank

      Delete
  11. The guy in cammo forgot how to park, must have thought getting his license was just a lark; seeing a bunch or rats this early in the morning, well let's just say for breakfast I'm not longing....

    Thanks for another great post Pat Hatt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha well at least I helped you save on food
      As those rats are rather crude
      Yeah he really needs to pick up a trick or two
      For good parking to come due

      Delete
  12. Replies
    1. Just don't fly over it
      and you are safe from getting hit

      Delete
  13. oh my!ohmy! I hate rats!! brrr! well you are special (lol) all we know dear:))
    My favorite is about the elephant! o My!What she think?

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    Replies
    1. She had to be out out to lunch
      A whole friggin bunch
      To ever answer the elephant over the moon
      Or maybe she was a crazy loon

      Delete
  14. Thanks for the morning laughs. Your comments are even funnier than the photos. Very well done, Pat, so well done I can't rhyme this one.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha you threw in a rhyme at the end
      So didn't make you completely go around the bend
      Glad it was lots of fun
      As I went on the "fail" run

      Delete
  15. OK just admit it cat
    the rats is the inside of your lunch box snack
    You opened it on your lunch hour
    when your stomach let out a growl
    You saw the feast inside
    that you packed that morning with pride.
    And though you'd share a photo
    before you gobbled the whole load.
    lol. hahahaha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha hmmm the cat will never admit to such a thing
      For those psycho animals rights people it might bring
      Saying I treat the rats so bad
      And trying to yank my noon hour snack away from my pad
      So if that were true
      Yeah I'd gobble them down before all came here to view
      Just in case they tell on me
      There would be no proof for any to see..haha

      Delete
    2. You might need a hair ball rememdy after that lunch.
      Just a hunch.

      Delete
    3. haha bah just go throw up in the corner somewhere
      And let Pat clean the lair

      Delete
  16. LMAO...so weird b/c I'm watching Dragon Ball Z right now. Goku is trying to do a spirit blast against Freeza but is failing!!!!! Soooo dramatic. lol And Gohan is in danger!!

    The car in a water hole is hysterical!! How did they happen? Who did that happen to? Did they live??!? Now you're getting me nervous that I'm going to go park my car and fall in a water hole!!!

    and that whole elephant moon thing can't be real. It just can't!! But look at her confused face...Sigh!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wow good timing from the cat
      Goku needs Trunks to squash Frieza flat
      Spent 50 episodes trying to kill the guy
      Then poof Trunks did it first try
      Oh so sad
      Frieza thought he was so bad
      With his Ginyu goons
      What a bunch of baffoons..haha
      But got every episode on my dvd shelf
      Even those with that Garlic Jr. little elf..haha

      LOL I don't have all the details on it
      But I hear it happened to a dimwit
      That went and stole some eyelashes off a love bug
      Or was it he stole a rug?
      The cat does not know
      But I'm sure you'll like the first option I let show

      Yeah you can tell by her facial view
      That just did not have a clue
      That is just sooo sad
      Her schooling must have been very bad

      Delete
    2. Lol!!!! I can never tell if frieza is a man or a woman! Do u know?! I jus like wen they go kamahamayaaaaaa in the game. Lol!

      Delete
    3. I thought Frieza was a woman at first
      But can cartoons show men beating up on women with a kamahamayaaaa burst?..lol
      So I think it's a man though
      But do't fully know
      Destructo disc is what comes due in the game
      When I play letting loose and ready to mam..lol

      Delete
  17. Yes man, Dragon Ball!

    and wtf at the elephant vs. moon pic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL wtf indeed
      You'd have to be unable to read
      Not to know such a thing
      Or just a ding a ling

      Delete
  18. Oh my God, those rats, you'd catch better than that cat. That skateboard pic is a great piece of photography and I love tanks, but not on their sides in the road. Happy Saturday!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah tanks on their side aren't much use at all
      Unless bombs are starting to fall
      Then they can shoot them in mid air
      And yep the cat could catch better with his flair
      Happy saturday too
      Nice and easy day it is at my zoo

      Delete
  19. Hahah, great stuff, mate!
    That wise lady already has taken 50/50 before deciding that an elephant is bigger than the Moon. I really wish to know what were those other two options she couldn`t exclude herself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha yeah knowing those two options would be grand too
      I could make much more fun of it if they were in view

      Delete
  20. The Ultimate Warrior was legitimately insane

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anybody to really change their name to "The Warrior" and go by it is nuts
      I bet he even sniffs butts like mutts

      Delete
  21. I've never seen such pixels on your page,

    I'm laughing while filled full of rage,

    from knowing things like these exist,

    Fails will always persist!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Once in a while I add pics for fun
      And give them a rhyming run
      Yeah these are fails beyond normals ones
      But it seems there are tons

      Delete
  22. I've seen some of those pictures before. lol Seriously stuff to ruin your day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep some are so rude
      They will spoil your mood

      Delete
  23. Replies
    1. See that is one big fail
      Goes well with the ones you let hail

      Delete
  24. Is that last one for real? Seriously?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha yep it's for real
      She'd be better off on deal or no deal

      Delete
  25. Haha, the submarine was keen, the skateboarder probably wasn't feeling all too clean, the stormtroopers one was quite fun, but the Ultimate Warrior takes the cake, although You could have used Norman and he would have had the straight-jacket to boot. UW was awesome back in the day, used to watch WWF all the time when I was young and never till now did I think he looked crazy or well, kinda constipated, but looking at the pic now, I say how now brown cow- another wrestling line, George the animal steele joke. Oh well, fun piece, and that was my attempt at a rhyming poke, sounded good until I spoke-lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah the UW was my favorite back in the day
      Before I knew how crazy he really was at his bay
      The ego the size of a mountain for real
      Or that elephant in that last failed deal..lol
      George the animal steele was so hairy
      Yokozuna was scary
      Andre the Giant could squash me with his toe
      And Macho Man was a Hulk Hogan on again off again foe
      Now it just sucks over and over
      I'd rather watch rover

      Delete
  26. That's a pretty cool "epic fail" list. Great design for your blog as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you liked the fails
      And the design behind my sails

      Delete
  27. What a cool of "failures" but I think the car is not man made; could be a nature freak. But eww at that cat and mouse game...and the last one...seriously, I think she forgot her mind..it was on the moon.

    An enjoyable post...have a good saturday Pat ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I think the car was a freak accident too
      As the ground below just gave way without a clue
      LOL ewwww at the mice indeed
      They are nasty on any feed
      Maybe she was having an affair with the man in the moon
      Or she was just a loon..haha

      Delete
  28. I laughed at many of these...the first reminded me of the old saying 'never start a land war in Asia'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha or your tanks will be on their side?
      I guess in that Asia can take pride..haha

      Delete
  29. That rat picture is alarming. And elephants are bigger than the moon, everyone knows that except you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess being right
      Is just my plight
      Those elephants have such large heads though
      I guess walking on them must be hard for NASA to do at their show

      Delete
  30. How funny! Who the heck would take a picture of a bucket of dead rats anyway?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha not sure who would do that
      Maybe a full cat

      Delete
  31. Some of these are funny and all, but I kinda wish I had watched Dragonball Z so I could get the references. I'm just stuck there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Basically the big bad thing said the planet will explode in five minutes and all would die
      Took 12 episodes for 5 minutes to pass, no lie

      Delete
  32. I really hope that the elephant thing is fake. No one is that stupid, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I'm hoping no one is that dumb
      Maybe she had one too many shots of rum

      Delete
  33. Replies
    1. Well that would help her out a bit
      Making her not so much of a dimwit

      Delete
  34. Replies
    1. haha wow works well
      To describe her answer that fell

      Delete
  35. Replies
    1. Thanks for the wish
      As the cat has some fish

      Delete
  36. Replies
    1. The rats are scary indeed
      All humans should take heed

      Delete
  37. You have to teach me how to not laugh out loud, my children are wondering what I am up to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL it's so fun
      To make people laugh and have others run

      Delete
  38. Haha, your best post in a while. All of the images were awesome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad it was grand
      As the images failed at my land

      Delete
  39. Don't look to the sky for cake when your in a tank stick to more earthly concerns and have a burger. If we think the moon is an elephant we have issues, some still think its made of cheese. If you reference star wars then i think of the creator, not the director but the actor with his ape.Monkey manquee.
    I should stop trying to be clever at this point.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha a burger is more earthly I guess
      Unless you catch that mad cow mess
      Then you might think your on the moon
      Or turn into a rhyming loon
      Or maybe you'll think an elephant is the bigger of the two
      That could be how such an answer came due

      Delete
  40. Didn't see the No Parking Sign eh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess not
      Or they are blind by a whole lot

      Delete