Friday, February 17, 2012

What Dusty Litter Can Do. I Think It Made Pat Dumber Between Me And You!

The dumb litter was dusty as hell and that just did not go over well. So Pat dumped the whole thing out as none of us wanted that crap to float about. Cheap ass walmart, no longer will that crap jump into the cart. Anyway, he gave us a new kind and it works so much better for my little behind, then he took the old crap down to the garbage to take a dirt nap.

But of course even triple bagged it broke a bit, so Pat had to come back and sweep it. That was all well and good, until the idiot closed the door made of wood. For when he took the broom, he left the keys inside spelling doom. For the door locks as soon as it's shut, leaving poor Pat in a locked out rut.

The super was also out and about, meaning all Pat could do was pout. He had nothing to pick the lock but refused to sit and watch the clock. Down in the basement pacing for a while, probably for a good mile, he finally MacGyver-ed up a plan. Thank God he never had to use the can.

Borrowing a shopping cart from below, he wheeled it outside into the snow. He propped open the door just in case it did not work, but when he looked back he found it was closed by some jerk. So now he was outside in the cold, with shorts and a t-shirt trying not to let it take hold.

He looked up to Miss Priss and I, sitting in the window like we were laughing hysterically at the poor guy. We watched as he flipped the cart upside down and propped it up like a crown against a cement slab. He climbed it like a crab and then jumped off onto the small window ledge. I almost thought he would run into it like those birds from commercials for Pledge, or whatever it is. Same type of biz.

He held on and pulled out a stick, shoved it into the window side and gave it a flick. The first one popped open and off we ran. We weren't scared, just of the cold we aren't a fan. The second was a little tighter and wanted to be a fighter. But with a good clang it opened and in Pat came with a bang. He made it in, so even if the dumby locked himself out, I'll consider it a win.

Then with his keys in tow, he put everything back right at our show. But of course just as he got done with his MacGyver type fun, the super pulled in to the garage below and he was no farther ahead than if he would have waited inside with no cold or snow. The Face it Facts of this tale, quadruple bag crappy cheap ass walmart litter when it sets sail. Or just don't forget your keys then you can do whatever you please. It was fun giving Pat sass and now everyone knows thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

93 comments:

  1. Locked yourself out you did and also flipped your lid, but better that than the cart or else you'd have landed on your arse.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL at least I had snow to break my fall
      Unless I fell into the wall

      Delete
  2. MacGyver would have been proud, as you didn't shout aloud!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not a shout was had
      But that Pat lad
      Who was glad
      He was able to break back into his pad

      Delete
  3. No one needs dusty crap.
    Are you sure Pat wasn't doing a MacGruber instead?

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    Replies
    1. LOL nope there was no vegetable sticking out his butt
      And he didn't have the hair of a mutt

      Delete
  4. I've locked myself out a time or two. Breaking back in is what we have to do. I had to squeeze my fat ass through the window. Always have your keys, now you know!

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    Replies
    1. LOL I got my ass literally thrown through a window before
      As everyone else were too big to get back in to unlock the door..haha

      Delete
  5. way to break in, your own house its not a sin, and luckily you dont end up in the clink with a tin cup to run up and down the bars, crapping in dusty litter makes you think you see stars the way the sun hit the dust, cheap sometimes is a bust

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah just lucky no one did call a cop
      Then that would be even more of a flop..haha
      Cheap is a bust indeed
      When it comes to that crappy litter and it just does not do the deed

      Delete
  6. You DO have more adventures! Lockouts are a pain in the ass, but I sure won't be one to give you any sass!!

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    Replies
    1. haha not an adventure I want to repeat
      And yeah those lockouts are a pain in the ass and must be beat

      Delete
  7. I believe this is the first time in history someone has dedicated a post to litter :) I guess it was about time... :)

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    Replies
    1. LOL well first time for everything
      And that nasty dust that started to fling
      Deserved this ring
      Plus Pat got locked out no matter how much he tried to mae the doorbell ding

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  8. Replies
    1. Another great post
      From the friendly ghost

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  9. Hm. If I'd had an experience like that -- and I have, on occasion -- I'd be really ticked at Orson for letting the world know about it.

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    Replies
    1. LOL better hope Orson doesn't read that
      Or he may blackmail you like a cunning cat
      And get more food and whatever else he wants
      While he taunts

      Delete
  10. Loved the first verse so much Pat. You're right that dust is extremely disgusting, like there is nobody out there who wants to see that on the things they buy. Nice spotting the rhyming in my most recent post by the way, I knew you off all people would haha!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah dust is nasty to begin with indeed
      But that litter crap makes one take heed
      Getting that crap in your lungs can't be good
      Better off sucking down wood
      And of course I'd spot that
      I am a rhyming cat..haha

      Delete
  11. haha At least your own son didn't lock you out
    while you were in a nightie looking about
    the back porch feeding kittens
    although it was warm and I didn't need mittens

    Bought litter for the first time last week
    got a multi-cat, clumping kind that wasn't cheap
    still had a lot of dust
    knowing the kind you like is a must.
    send me the name in an email post hast
    and I'll add it to my grocery list.
    :)

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    Replies
    1. that would be 'haste', not hast. ;)

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    2. Good thing you didn't "wast" too much time correcting that, haha!

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    3. Knew I had to do it quicky or you'd beat me to it!

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    4. Be nice...I'm having a rough day. And I obviously can't type! ha.

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    5. Of course I'll be nice, dear. I'm a Grammar Nazi second, and a gentleman first. But you know I couldn't let something like "quicky" go without mention, doll...

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    6. sorry Im in the middle, sorry

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    7. of course you couldn't let it slip by...haha...I know you all too well.

      Gloria ~ you aren't in the middle...it's a public forum! :) I need 'nice day' wishes!

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    8. yes betsy but I dont like disturb when two persons are talking, sorry

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    9. Gloria, I agree with Betsy! You're welcome any time!

      And Betsy, I really hope your day improves.

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    10. LOL not even I could let quicky slip by
      But the cat doesn't pry
      If that's what you like to do
      Power to you..hahahahaha

      That is true too
      Getting locked out well he looked at you
      Would be just as bad if not worse
      Making one truly curse
      With a strat here and there
      And yeah the new litter I got at my lair
      Still has a little bit
      But nothing like that walmart crap I used to use at my pit
      I don't know the name as I chucked the box out
      I'll have to get some next week though so I'll give shout

      Delete
    11. I like a quicky...a-hem...now and then. :)
      Oh, I'm sure that made you grin.

      Quite the funny story of you locked out
      I love how the cats watched through the window as you ran about.

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    12. LOL yes a grin
      But not a sin

      Yeah they sat there and watched the whole thing
      As soon as they heard the cart I started to bring

      Delete
  12. I told you Walmart was evil. Look at it made you do?!

    hahahaha Aww that stinks that you locked yourself out. But why were you only wearing shorts and a t-shirt when you recently made a post about how ridiculously FREEZING it has been outside??? My job recently sent out a health reminder that it only takes about 20 seconds for your limbs to freeze in certain temperatures. Sigh...

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    1. haha yes evil walmart selling be crap
      But at least I didn't see the butt crack of some chap..lol
      Yeah damn door locks on its own
      So it closed and I gave a groan
      I only had them on because I just went out into the hall
      Where it is warm and all
      Never thinking I had to go outdoors
      Leaving the warm floors
      20 seconds? Pffft I do not want to go to that place
      Would truly be a hermit rather than suffer that cold embrace

      Delete
    2. Jax ~ you'll love this...in this news this morning a 300 lb naked man was tasered by police after he walked into a Wal-mart and stole a pair of socks. Yep. You can't make this stuff up. I mean...if you were naked and had to steal one article of clothing, wouldn't you go for the socks? lol...

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    3. LOL your walmarts down there are waaaaay tooo scary for me
      I will never go in one if I ever visit the american sea

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    4. Mine is just fine...clean and safe
      I go there every week and shop, and people behave.
      Must be the big bad cities that have the weird ones
      And I, too, would avoid those a ton!

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    5. Must just be the cities I guess
      Where they have that whole nude mess
      That would be a scary sight
      The sockless wonder, among other things, would be a fright

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    6. I saw him on the news
      scary for sure without shoes
      among other things
      as he stole socks and got a taser ring.
      He was big alright
      certainly couldn't sneak anywhere like that
      Had to know
      he was putting on a show.
      Still, socks?
      His head is full of rocks!
      I guess he could have hung one sock somewhere (a-hem!)
      But would have still looked a little bare!

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    7. LOL maybe that's what he needed the socks for
      One to hang on the door
      And a spare just in case
      At his home base
      I hope they blurred some parts out
      Or else one of those PTA association type deals will surely shout..haha

      Delete
    8. They just showed him waist up.
      Good thing..I would have dropped my coffee cup!

      one to hang on the door...
      and a spare for sure.
      lol...
      I guess I was thinking more like what Santa did with his hat.
      Then he'd still have a spare for the door.
      not that he'd need it, I'm sure.

      Delete
    9. @Betsy...OMG, I'm so glad I didn't read this at work!!! I would've been cracking up in my cubicle!! lol

      I'm telling you Walmarts are dangerous and filled with dangerous people. Stay away!!! Here we won't even drive past one for the fear of a drive by shooting.

      and a naked man stealing socks???? How about a pair of briefs?! Sigh...At least Pat didn't have to see that crack. LMAO

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    10. LOL cracking up, so what else is new?..hahaha
      At least you were saved from having liquid spit on your screen disrupting your view..haha
      I will surely stay away
      In each and every way
      Yeah I'm glad too
      As I was shown enough cracks by you..hahaha

      Delete
  13. I'm thinking MacGruber, who's not a goober.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MacGruber is a nut job though
      No veggies go up any ass at my show..haha

      Delete
  14. Replies
    1. Worked just fine
      Letting your rhyme shine

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  15. Replies
    1. Not sure that was a good picture though
      Might scar you for life now that you know..haha

      Delete
  16. Hope you have a better day now Pat:))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah better day indeed
      Came after at my feed

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    2. Too bad the whole episode wasn't caught on tape
      Seeing it on America's Funniest Home Videos would have been great!

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    3. hahaha but it's not America's Funniest Home Videos with me on there
      Then it would be Canadian one which would be rare

      Delete
  17. And I want to know if you stole that grocery cart
    Load it up with apple juice and pringles cans
    and then walk it home as fast as you can?
    Maybe back when your old car died
    and you had too many groceries to carry at eveningtide?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No they have some in the bottom for the old folks to use
      When they empty their cars so their muscles the groceries don't abuse
      So I stole one of them from below
      And then put it back after giving the kitties a show

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    2. The old folks like to watch out their windows, too
      because they have nothing else to do.
      I bet they were entertained as well
      as you ran about with goosebumps, feeling swell.
      ha.

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    3. LOL yeah I bet there were a few watching me
      Watching on with glee
      Oh well at least I made their day
      By breaking into my bay

      Delete
    4. At least they didn't call the cops
      and have you tasered in your socks.
      lol.

      Delete
    5. Yeah I'm surprised if they saw me
      That they didn't call the cops to come and see

      Delete
  18. Oh crap!
    It wouldn't be so bad to lock yourself out wearing suitable clothes but bloody hell Pat! Sod that!!
    I check, and check before I slam the door.... just to be sure I Do have my keys. Sod being locked out, especially in the temps we've had lately.
    Glad you got back in, you have my permission to go kick a bin, a cat litter bin of course :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I check 50 times before I leave too
      But I was just stepping out and the damn thing closed right behind me on cue
      So I was screwed there
      And had to break into my lair
      Was kind of cold as well
      And yeah I'll kick the bin and give it a bloody hell

      Delete
  19. Hahahaha - damn, I hate it when that happens! Oh, btw...Wisconsin is only the 5th drunkest state, but we lead the entire country in binge drinking! (and, er...no, I'm not actually proud of that fact)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL well I guess you are number one
      That has to be fun!

      Delete
  20. I understand your pain with the cat litter, my ferrets used the same stuff. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah all that dust is such a pain
      Spread out like rain

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  21. Replies
    1. Glad it is a win
      Even if I got locked out of my loony bin..haha

      Delete
  22. Being locked out,
    is something I know quite a bit about!

    Sorry to hear you got locked out in the cold though.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah think many have had to done
      The cold wasn't fun
      But I lasted through it
      Breaking back into my pit

      Delete
  23. Being locked out is no fun, specially in this cold weather.
    What we do is leave a spare key in our garage, so that no one has
    to climb the windows or the balcony. Have a good night Pat ~ I

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I don't trust leaving a key out
      With all those in the building out and about
      As a few of them are sketchy at best
      And may be a thieving pest

      Delete
  24. Brr never like being locked out, it's always good to have a hidden key

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah but then if someone finds the key
      They can get in easily

      Delete
  25. I've locked myself out of my car several times in the past...and once out of my GF's house while she was in the shower and unable to let me back in. Genius. =/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL well I have done the car one too
      Not much fun having to wait for another key to get brought to you

      Delete
  26. Hehehe. McGyver would have been proud of your genius Pat.

    .......dhole

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad it would be proud
      Hopefully I can also impress his alien crowd

      Delete
  27. i have been locked out a few times myself, but something good came out of it - i learnt how to pick car locks :)
    and that made me feel like McGyver too :p

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    Replies
    1. hahaha yeah taking a hanger I can get into the car too
      At least the old ones, not sure on the new
      Pain indeed when we get locked out
      Makes one want to shout

      Delete
  28. lol ... aren't such a moments fun? (ok, once they are over...) ... i did lock myself in the public toilette 3 times ... yikes!!! (of course all of these times it was always a different places and it was due to their bad locker system!!!) ... now i always check whether it works ... haha!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah fun when they are all over and done
      During not so fun
      Getting locked in the loo
      That is just ewwww..hahaha

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    2. yeah ewwwwww !!! you don't want to visit europe ... lol!

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    3. haha okay that will never go on my list of places to go
      Don't want any nasty loo to show

      Delete
  29. I thought you might blow up your lock with some gum,
    Or maybe carve a new key from a sucker--dum dum,
    When you said McGyver my mind started to spin faster,
    I never quite thought of a shopping cart ladder. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha had no gum on me
      Plus blowing it up would ruin the lock of bush number three
      So the ladder it had to be
      In order to break into my tree

      Delete
  30. That experience was so much fun,and really funny,

    Giving Rich Dean Dnderson a good run, for all his money,

    Finding the keys, beyond the high window,

    makes me remember the time I climed the rainbow,

    To chase the leprechaun, so slippery a fart,

    wouldn't give me his gold, not even a part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn! Those leprechauns can be tricky
      And quite picky
      When it comes to their gold
      One really has to take hold
      Next time bring the cat along
      And we'll make him sing a different song

      Delete
  31. Ah, glad to see you made it back in, cudos for coming up with a macguyver spin. Getting locked out, anywhere sucks for sure, out in the cold, well that sucks quadruple- crappy cat litter is not a go, we only do the scoop for it's eaiser and comes in a nice bucket too, so when all the litters done, and the cat's have had their fun, well at least you have an empty bucket to fill with, well, whatever you can.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah the buckets work well
      It you have to move from your cell
      Or need to pack crap up at some point
      To store things at your joint
      The damn dusty stuff sucks indeed
      Had to get rid of it from my feed

      Delete