Saturday, March 10, 2012

Make Your Pity Looks Halt Because It's Your Own Damn Fault!

So Poor Pitiful Me walks around when she is sick, like all should declare she did some neat trick. She wants to lap up the attention of all because Poor Pitiful Me is once more giving the sick call. Well I know half is placebo or Poor Pitiful Me's cry to be seen. I think she wishes she would even turn green. That way all would ask and she wouldn't have to ooo and ahhh like she drank something interesting from some flask.

One little sniffle and off she goes but the nut seems to like the woes. Of course her sometimes germiness curls my toes. Especially when for the fiftieth time she blows her nose. But it as an easy fix, yet she likes her tricks, thinking it gets her attention or some sort of mention.

So you look at me and whine,
Pretending you aren't fine.
When really you are,
Completely on par.

Even when you are not,
I don't care if you whine a whole lot.
For you are the dumb one,
As you let your whines run.

Touch a door knob,
Shake hands with Bob.
Oh look he whipped his nose,
With his hand before his pose.

Open some mail,
Scratch your ass like you got a tail.
Yeah, it happens for real,
Really a scary ordeal.

Then oh golly gee,
It's snack time for thee.
Yank it out of your purse,
As you pretend to feel worse.

And you chow down,
With your fake half frown.
Then you have the nerve to wonder,
Why germs begin to plunder,

Your ever so itchy rear,
More like a nervous twitch I fear.
The sink is ten seconds away,
But oh no another ooo and ahhh has to have their say.

Can't take ten seconds to wash your hands,
That might help clear your germy glands.
We can't have that,
Then you might squash those germs flat.

Oh no!
You could forget how to fake sick on the go.
You need those germs to ooo and ahhh about.
So people look at you when you shout.

So glad when you turn away,
Just maybe a finger goes on display.
But if you truly want attention,
And an ongoing mention.

I promise there is an easier way,
Just get up and pretend you have something to say.
But forget your fake sick sass,
And just scratch your ass.

I guarantee people will talk then,
You still won't turn on men or women.
But you'll be the talk of the town.
The compulsive ass scratcher with a fake sick frown.

Hmmm maybe Poor Pitiful Me should get the nickname Ass Scratcher at my sea. Which one do you think would work well for my rink? Now wasn't that some fun Face it Facts, on her stupid acts? The cat may pass gas but at least I don't scratch away, night and day, at my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

88 comments:

  1. I can really empathise about attention seeking hypochondriac chicks such as this girl, really annoys me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Attention whore is all she is indeed
      And germs she does need
      To get her attention from everyone
      Letting her mouth run

      Delete
  2. Oh man! (Or oh woman!)
    This woman almost makes ME sick!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha need to hit her with a brick
      Before she makes everyone sick..haha

      Delete
    2. Excellent work! Even your comments are rhyming words.
      Impressive indeed.

      Delete
    3. Yep everything in rhyme
      Here with each and every chime

      Delete
  3. Wait!
    So she was scratching her ass and got sick?
    Maybe she has pink eye also?
    Make sure she washes those hands, because you now know where they have been.
    ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yeah I know exactly where those things have been at my work sea
      And I don't touch anything even with my knee

      Delete
  4. oh, my, Pat, calling yourself a "she", you're feeling Guinevere today too? :PPP

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL I don't get sick
      As that is just ick
      Don't fake much either at my sea
      So nope no girl inside the wacky head of me

      Delete
  5. if you really want to fake sick rub some jalepeno juice on your eye lids and nose, of course you may go blind, but in a bit you will feel fine, just long enough to get the boss to throw you out, no you dont have to sit, pick and scratch them touch your mouth, ew this is heading south...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL that would work out just fine
      Going blind for some would be divine
      At least they wouldn't have to see her scartch her ass
      But would still have to listen to her sass
      Yep went south by a bit
      But you stopped just before it..haha

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. you see Pats, you're great every day :)

      Delete
    2. Great all the time
      Don't you just love such a chime

      Delete
  7. There are some people who fake their illness or over act their frail disposition to get attention. Scratch the ass, I can imagine this ~

    Happy Saturday ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yep plenty of fakers trying for attention
      Too bad is wasn't like school and we couldn't just throw them in detention

      Delete
  8. If I show this to my boss, he would totally vouch that Poor pitiful me is me. See I have two petridishes-my twins at home who pick their nose constantly apart from picking all sort of germs and diseases from other petridishes at daycare.
    But one time I took revenge, I had been coughing for 2 weeks continously and later when I called even before asking my boss asked me to work from home or take sick leave.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha so you're a poor pitiful me
      I hope you don't scratch your ass though at your work sea
      At least that would make you way better than my poor pitiful me
      Nice how you worked it to stay home from your work with the germs at your tree
      Those daycares are full of germs
      May as well go eat some worms

      Delete
  9. Ohhh I work with one of those two. I call her TheWalkingDead in my blog! But she certainly does not scratch her ass!!!!

    Are you serious about that? Scratches her ass?! Like, what, why?!
    hahahaha

    Some people just want attention. Sometime people can get so depressed that they really do think all these things are wrong with them. Crazy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally way, way off topic, Jax - but I love The Walking Dead - told ya it was off topic =)

      Delete
    2. I don't know if it's scratching or pulling at a wedgie or both
      Maybe she has a growth
      But yep she sure scratched her ass a time or two
      Right in front of my view
      God only knows why with that wacko
      Maybe she just likes touching down below
      Those attention whores need a good smack
      But then they'd prob like such an attack
      Yeah sometimes that they can do
      They should be more healthy about it like me and you
      And avoid googling it and all your other rules
      Then they may not be attention seaking fools..lol

      Yeah the walking dead is usually good too
      Although I wish less stupid human whiny crap would be there and more zombies to view

      Delete
    3. I agree with you Pat - to much drama for this mama lately over at TWD...

      Delete
    4. Yep but it might pick up soon
      Maybe they need to add a rhyming loon..haha

      Delete
  10. I love how you snuck flipping her off in there. It sounds like something I'd do - okay, it IS something I do...on a regular basis.

    Enjoy your Saturday, Pat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yes I flip her off quite a bit
      As she is nothing but a nitwit
      Saturday will be anything but grand
      As I do tax returns at my land..haha

      Delete
    2. Tax returns are such a bore
      unless a load of cash arrives at your door...

      Delete
    3. Nope not a load at all
      But at least I don't have to pay in at my hall

      Delete
  11. Door knobs are the worst. I used to frequently get sick because of them. Not anymore with hand sanitisers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I never touch the stupid things if I can help it
      Or if I have to go wash my hands fast in some ocd fit..haha

      Delete
    2. Kinda reminds me of a story from my teacher about a kid in her class

      Apparently every day he came in smelling like putrid gas


      The teachers took notice couldn't take no more


      They made sure he knew proper hygiene like he never knew before


      Someone even had to watch him bathe to make sure he was doing it right


      Which must of been so embarrassing that he has dark dreams about it every night


      Turns out he had some kind of fungus on the foot that was the source of the stench

      He kept quiet, but I bet he wishes he lives somewhere where they only speak French.

      Delete
    3. Fungus on the foot and having to be watched as he bathed is rather sad
      Poor fungus foot lad
      The French would really let him have it too
      But then he wouldn't understand much that came due..haha

      Delete
  12. Replies
    1. I think you think right
      As you think on thinking at my site..haha

      Delete
    2. Silly Willy
      Was kind of chilly

      Delete
  13. I've been infected just reading this. I'm going to wash my hands now!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See I promote a germ free space
      Here at my place..haha

      Delete
  14. haaaatschiiiiii!!!! see...i'm already getting sick just by reading this...or i may need some attention...? ha..smiles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope niether is true
      Or you may turn blue
      As the cat wishes it on you
      For being an attention seeker in his view..haha

      Delete
  15. I so abhor being ill.
    It is really bad luck.
    'Cause Mrs. Penwasser will
    call me a "lazy f....duck."
    Whew! That was close.
    Didn't know poetry could be so dirty.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha almost slipped
      Letting a bird get flipped
      Next time try the thumb
      Then the duck may add an F to your hum

      Delete
  16. Poor Pitiful Me was a song by SNFU. Are you a fan?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I heard it before
      Not sure though will have to give it an encore

      Delete
  17. I have germs for breakfast! (And then I get ill....)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Which is why that is something you don't do
      For ill is no thrill and just eww

      Delete
  18. Sick at work, most are just pretending
    Many do that when they hate the job
    But this is just plainly play acting
    More of concern are the hypochondriac slobs
    Nothing's wrong with them, they're all fine
    But they're sicko only in their minds!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL that is very true
      Sicko in their minds view
      Wanting to be a fake
      To go fish on the lake

      Delete
  19. haha, I love this one. Really a manifesto for the promotion of an OCD way to living. But really if everyone acted in such sensible manners, their would be less sickness, thus less medical bills, thus insurance could be lower, thus less need for bail outs, thus less need for stock crashes, thus less lay offs, more employment, better economy, less debt, less reliance on foreign goods and all because the ass scratcher wiped his hand. I know you're Canadian and all but this is the best plan to save the Economy I've read, ok I grabbed your initial idea and ran with it a bit, but that is something that happens a lot, but I vote for the Cat for president. How silly do you think those political big wigs would feel when they find out that all their spending et al.. could have ended if they just listened to a cat. Then again they'd probably try to impose some kind of cat information limiting law or something else. Great piece, really got my thoughts stirring here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha wow look what a cat can do
      And all of that is true
      People need to adopt a bit of OCD
      And things will be better here there and across the sea
      But oh no they'd rather just touch everything on the go
      And whine when their nose they have to blow
      A cat making the big wigs look dumb
      Oh that would surely make them glum
      They couldn't impose enough rules to shut me up
      I'd come back even if I had to team with a pup

      Delete
  20. This made me shudder! Wash your hands, Lady!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly but the nutjob won't one bit
      She'd rather whine about it

      Delete
  21. i have a hypochondriac streak. and it comes out in bursts. i'm like george constanza or woddy allen and really become a worrier about my health when good things are happening in my life, which isn't often:) ha. i find myself in a comedic -- or better, my version of comedic -- mood after poor pitiful me, see.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I've been known to wait for the other shoe to drop too
      When things that are good come due
      But not looking for the attention of others one bit
      Just do it to have a fit
      Poor pitiful me takes the cake
      With all the sick noises she tends to make

      Delete
  22. That's a pretty mean nickname even if it is well deserved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha bah the cat doesn't mind being mean
      To the ass scratcher at his scene

      Delete
  23. First thing I do when mini monster comes home is make her wash her hands then use that hand disinfection stuff. She's given me more flu and head and chest colds than hot dinners. Yuck!
    Ass scratching doesn't seem too bad, for a cat ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL nope not for a cat
      But for a human like Pat
      At least in a public place
      Where all can see your ass scratching race
      Yep wash as soon as one comes in
      And less germs will be at their bin

      Delete
  24. I always blame children or air conditioning for getting sick.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah kids are a good cause of it
      But you can prevent it a bit

      Delete
  25. I vote for Poor Pitiful Me.
    As that describes her need for people feeling sorry.

    Well, you already know how I feel about these!
    Those auction people holding their license in their teeth.
    Worked one today.
    Washed hands with dismay.
    Washed again when I got home, too
    But that is what I always do.

    When I worked in an office, it was the phones I hated to share
    If someone's rang at their desk and they weren't there
    We'd have to go over and take the call
    some people's phones would make you bawl.
    They were slimy with germs
    and it was hard to come to terms
    with an old makeup ring around the ear piece
    I wouldn't hold it against my face! Oh Please!
    I'd hold the receiver with a tissue
    and with the phone inches from my head say, "may I help you?"
    lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha okay Poor Pitiful me it will be
      Here at my sea
      Yep knew you would get this one
      As the germs had another run
      I wash away each and every time as well
      For some are just germy as hell

      LOL I do that too
      If such a thing comes due
      I try my best not to let them use mine
      For most touching it aren't fine
      I unplug it when I'm gone too
      So then using it can't come due
      Of course they can try
      But then I'm hoping they move on and bug some other guy..haha

      Delete
    2. Really? Look how sweet you are
      taking my vote and running far.
      ha.

      So what ever happened to Ms. Nostril?
      Did she only come that once to your hall?

      Delete
    3. There is Fox's favorite word..lol
      Yeah your vote goes in front of the comment heard
      As you always go the rhyming mile
      And besides your twin have been here the longest while
      She never came back when I have been at work
      Good thing too, as I don't want to see her nose in the air smirk

      Delete
    4. Aw, now I feel special.
      I'm smiling, can you tell? :D
      lol.

      So you have Flappy, Nostril and Poor Pitiful Me
      aren't there any men that drive you crazy?
      Oh wait, there's Finger Licking Volley Ball man
      now how did I forget that germ spreading fan!?
      hahaha.

      Delete
    5. haha yes I can tell
      As your pic is such there on the side as you ring the comment bell..haha

      Just one other guy at my work place
      The rest are all women in my rat race
      Many nut jobs come in to pay though
      And that can be quite the show
      Yes, germy volleyball man takes the cake
      His finger licking causes my ocd to make me shake

      Delete
    6. Maybe his finger licking is a tactic to
      make you flustered so you'll loose. ha.

      I almost called someone a bloody wanker today
      oh, that would have caused dismay
      I said under my breath, "Strat that Pat!
      I can't believe I almost said that!"
      hahahahaha.....

      Delete
    7. I drill the ball at his head instead
      Hoping to cause him some dread..haha

      LMAO I'm getting you to name call
      Oh that just makes me stand tall
      With some british speak too
      hahahahaha would have loved to hear that came due
      They probably would have thought you were nuts too
      Letting such things come due

      Delete
    8. I just knew that would make you laugh
      as I almost committed such a gaff.
      Did have to giggle myself, too
      as that is just not an expression I use.
      I'd be much more likely to have a "spot of tea"
      than to use that name, but it would have been fun to see.
      lol.....

      Delete
    9. LOL I never used it much before writing the book
      Now I use it every now and then at my nook
      Especially on the video game
      Where I remain less tame
      Well it beats such things like duck
      And spot of tea...hahaha...never used that one, but there are many more to come that you may feel the need to cluck..haha

      Delete
    10. yeah, I can see that on a video game
      by a guy who bears your name
      but not from me
      although it fills you with glee.

      More to come I am sure
      planning to spend a good part of tomorrow on that tour.
      Should be fun to read
      and I'll let you know what words I repeat.
      ha.

      Delete
    11. hahaha yeah not from you
      But still bloody wanker has to come due
      Maybe you can call Marmy that
      After he was such a naughty hiding cat..haha
      There is one new word like strat
      I think you'll like that
      As it is catchy too
      And will soon come due

      Delete
    12. oh yeah...I'll save that for Marmy
      when he's been acting all smarmy.
      lol.
      Oh good, another all-original Pat word
      even though they sound absurd.
      You might have to publish your own dictionary site
      now that would be a fright.

      So does Mason start the word this time
      or does someone else get to do that chime?

      Delete
    13. hahaha fun to sound absurd
      This one works instead of flipping the bird
      My own site like that
      Would take quite a while as there are many at my mat
      Nope Mason has nothing to do with this one
      Someone new gives it a run
      But it is because of the wanker guy
      Yapping and bringing forth such a cry

      Delete
    14. Instead of flipping the bird?
      well you can say it to Poor Pitiful Me
      oh that will fill you with glee!

      The site could just be a vocabulary page
      with anything that needs an explanation rage.
      ha. When you get a few more
      you'll have to add it to your shore.
      Orlinese is such a great name for it
      might cause Cassie to have a fit.

      Do you turn your clocks forward tonight
      or will we be the same time? What a fright.

      Delete
    15. LOL Orlinese may just have to be done
      That and a character one
      As those are amassing at my shore too
      For along with Drazin there are quite a few
      Poor Cassie would just get more sassy
      And still remain prissy and classy
      Yep those stupid things go ahead
      Hate it, wish daylight savings time was dead

      Delete
    16. Orlinese
      it just rolls off the tongue to please. haha.
      Yes, a character list would be great
      to make it is in your fate.

      ok...off I go
      to sleepy land, you know.
      good night OPC
      sleep tight, you three.
      haha.

      Delete
    17. Need more than two words though
      Strat and the new one are all I can show
      Character list will come to pass
      From my little rhyming ass
      Sounds like a plan
      For which we are a fan
      Off we go
      And it's the OCP show..haha

      Delete
  26. Last time I got sick it was right after I went to the mall. THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR LEAVING MY DESK! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yep that is a germy place too
      Just keeps things in view
      And wash away
      Before eating or touching your face at your bay

      Delete
  27. Replies
    1. Yes that should be known to hall
      Maybe you should give her a call

      Delete
  28. This is one of the few blog posts I've read about illness while I wasn't down with something

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope no placebo effect comes due
      After you gave this a view

      Delete
  29. i saw a few chinese tourists here openly scrathing away in public just like that.
    i was dumbfounded, Pat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha and I thought the chinese were so proper
      I guess we need an ass scratching copper

      Delete