Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Some Are So dVerse They Lack Common Sense And Are Completely Dense!

The cat saw a stat once more as I was going around to each shore and figured what the hell, I'll ring the stat dVerse bell. Not sure where this crap comes from or who pulls them out of their bum. Either way I will use just to abuse. So to those lacking common sense don't get tense. I don't care if you're dense but I will still give my ten cents.

Just for fun
The stats will run
Even though they are a load of bull,
Let's give them a pull.

Touch a burner and it burns,
40% didn't know it gave such returns.
85% of traffic accidents are caused by speed.
Being stationary causes 15% too so take heed.

Apparently there are fools,
Using power tools.
As 14% have chopped off a limb,
Because they were dim.

22% have stuck their finger in a socket,
Think they flew like a rocket?
19% have fallen from a tree,
And banged their pretty little knee.

Or maybe it was their head they hit,
Turning them into a nitwit.
As 42% have fallen from a roof,
I guess the tree wasn't their last goof.

A high percent have been bit by mutts,
Got fat off of Dunkin' donuts,
And other fast food,
Looking like Al's humongous dude.

Okay! That is more like one percent,
For that bed is surely bent.
78% get drunk and talk,
They then try to walk.

Neither task ends up well,
Usually landing them in a jail cell.
The other 22% play chicken with a car,
And don't get very far.

26% have an alien abduction story,
Some are rather gory.
As 11% say they were found in all their glory,
I delve no further, sorry!

Music and crime,
Seem to be sublime.
As 22% have done the deed,
To some music at their feed.

0% when dreaming deep,
Answer yes if asked are they asleep.
56% answer no,
The other 44% suck on their pillow.

And finally 90% of people under Earth's tent,
Aren't in the top ten percent.
That's probably the only one that is true,
Of all the stats I gave to you.

Weren't those stats Face it Facts grand? I hope you aren't part of any of those stats at your land. But if you are part of one or two I won't make too much fun of you. Maybe just a little bit but I'm sure you can take the hit. For the cat knows even poor dumb Pat has done stupid things at our mat. As always feel free to give some sass and that is all today from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

144 comments:

  1. Hahaha, this has seriously brightened up my morning Pat, hilarious stats buddy. Love how witty this stuff is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad it was witty and brightened your day
      As the stats came into play here at my bay

      Delete
  2. I always laugh at the stats.
    I love the spamboogers the most that think you don't have a clue what they are up to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i once was walking home, when the bright light shone and i knew i wasnt alone, little green men were there when it began...ok i am kidding but

      why you giving fake stats, the cats no rat...smiles

      Delete
    2. Yeah they are such crap
      Pulled out of thin air by some chap
      Who questions a dozen of so
      At some circus show

      LOL you know maybe that was a regressed memory there
      And you were abducted at your lair
      They just made you think you were not
      The cat is no rat but it is fun to give so called stats a lot..haha

      Brian just likes to post in the reply
      So just give a sigh

      Delete
    3. yeah, little green men
      found my twin
      but was not left in the buff
      he was given a little fluff
      of a dress to wear
      to cover where he was bare.

      Delete
    4. he replies in my comments, too
      so it's not just you.
      I keep telling him to get to the doctor
      glasses would help while he's being a lurker.

      Delete
    5. haha well the dress he may hate
      At least bare wasn't his fate
      And yezh glasses he may need
      As he comments on each feed

      Delete
  3. 26% have an alien abduction story?! That's a large percentage of the population!!!! I told you to be careful...hahaha

    You're telling me that almost half the population has fallen off of a roof? That's impossible! I highly doubt that half the population has even been on a roof before! I know of one. The Viking fell off of a roof when fixing the shed. But that's a shed roof. Does it even count?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yes those aliens are quite the pain
      As many seem to have been abducted and boarded the ufo train
      That's half the people that have climbed on a roof have fallen off the roof somewhere along the way
      Doesn't matter if it was two feet or twenty feet when they did it at their bay
      Of course just to be fair
      The cat may have embelished a bit here and there
      But all stats came from somewhere
      And they only ask a certain amount of people that are aware
      So that stats only work for them and then they display them as everyone
      When really there is no way in hell they gave that a run
      So they are biased as can be
      But still quite fun at my sea

      Delete
    2. All statistics are biased. They are assuming that their "population" is correct and that the people even answered the survery correctly.

      I refuse to believe half of the world has fallen off a roof. I refuse!!!!!

      I already told you about the girl I went to school with. Her mother was on TV claiming that aliens were her friends and that they stop by to have lunch. hahaha According to her, they don't abduct people, they break bread!

      Delete
    3. Yeah and they want the outcome they are looking for
      So they will ask people who they believe did such and such a thing at their shore
      Plus as you say people lie
      So stats do nothing but make me sigh

      LOL yeah that is a load
      Maybe they ask a toad

      I remembered that Supernatural episode with the fairies when you said that too
      Maybe it wasn't aliens that came due
      But those creepy crawly things
      With their fluttering wings
      And since when does breaking bread
      Require them to exam your head
      And shove things every which way
      Glad I don't eat bread at my bay..haha

      Delete
    4. LOL How about the episode with the lephracuans? My dad's a shoe repair man. Maybe I'll camp out in his shop too during St. Pattys day!! One day, the Winchesters will save me! hahaha (Have you been keeping up? I have sad news about the show, but didn't want to spoil it if you're waiting for the DVD. :()

      Delete
    5. I loved that episode especially when they thought it was aliens and just kept making fun of it
      Then the little naked flying chick was a hit
      Until she went boom
      In the microwave of doom
      I wouldn't want to mess with that Lephracaun though
      As the Winchesters might be to slow
      As they whine with one another for a while
      In their typical style
      Sad news you say?
      I'm still waiting for the dvd at my bay
      Cancelled is it?
      Or someone for real took a death hit

      Delete
    6. Someone died!!!!!!!! Can I tell? Can I?!

      It was so sad. I cried. Like, legit full on falling. :'(

      Delete
    7. haha I knew that was it
      I bet it was Bobby who went to hell's pit
      He's the only main guy they have left to kill
      So he probably fits the bill

      Delete
    8. Blabber keeping her mouth shut
      Wow you better watch it you might fall into a rut..haha

      Delete
  4. Alien abduction.seriously people believe in that? Finger in socket? I would like to die with dignity and not with any of the above

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL well we can't choose how we go
      At least usually at our show
      I hope for none of that too
      Especially kicking the bucket on the loo

      Delete
  5. Great stats but some are off the scale and I'm a pillow sucker....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah some are out to lunch
      A whole friggin bunch
      A pillow sucker
      I hope the pillow gets a good pucker

      Delete
    2. a pillow sucker?
      Oh, I did not need to know that about The Lurker!

      Delete
    3. LOL what a bad visual in your head
      Causing you dread..haha

      Delete
    4. yes, it's very bad and causes me dread
      now I can't get that image out of my head!
      lol...

      Delete
    5. Now Anne is here
      you all steer clear
      or my eyes will flash
      and you'll find
      a stick up yer ass.

      Don't mess with the big Irishman or I'll hurt ya.

      Delete
    6. LOL join the club
      As creepy cupid is stuck in my brain hub..haha

      Delete
    7. haha I think he messed with himself
      Here at my shelf
      But that stick
      Is just ick
      So the cat will stray
      Far away
      If you come near his bay
      Any day

      Delete
  6. nice and interesting stats Pat,you always surprise (lol)
    have s nice day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I can surprise
      It sure beats being wise..haha

      Delete
    2. sure dear!! you always surprise (lol)

      Delete
    3. Using dear too
      I must have surprised you

      Delete
    4. Ha ! Pat you always can say something (lol)

      Delete
    5. That is true
      No matter if it's gobbly goop something will come due

      Delete
  7. Hi Pat! Very interesting and enlightening. (Are they real statistics? They sound pretty right.) Crazy world. I love the part about people falling from roof after surviving tree! K.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many are the real deal
      As real as you make them feel
      As in reality they are a load
      For they are never ever true unless you go into asking mode
      And ask all 7 billion people alive
      And not just a whopping five
      Crazy world indeed
      But then I'm also just plain crazy at my feed

      Delete
  8. I wasn't convinced by most of these. And in some cases I wanted to ask "X% of what?" In a lot of cases, a stat is just strat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and the bum of the cat is just always fat :)

      Delete
    2. Yeah many are strat and so much more
      But fun to use at my shore
      They never usually give the what
      It's just like they pulled them out of their butt
      Or remain as vague as can be
      To make themselves sound not so crazy

      So you stare at cat bums now?
      That is so sad Dez, move on to a cow..haha

      Delete
    3. At least he didn't sniff it like a dog Pat. It could have been worse.

      Delete
    4. Yes that could have been much worse
      He sniffs too much and some lady will whack him with her purse

      Delete
    5. I hire penguins for sniffing, I don't do it myself... I'm too posh for that business

      Delete
    6. haha ohhh those beaks have to hurt
      As those penguins umm brown nose and flirt

      Delete
    7. Dez is a master at flirtation Pat, I love him and you're not allowed to pick on him or his penguins.

      Delete
    8. although the fave pastime of my penguins is picking on cats with their beaks :)

      Delete
    9. Pffft not allowed at my sea
      That is never going to happen, sorry
      Dez will get picked on up the gazoo
      But he can take it and give back what is due

      The penguins will get their beaks cut
      As I ordered a beak cutting snappy thing that will arrive on back a mutt

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. As usual great rhymes
      And fun times

      Delete
    2. I didn't know you rhymed on this blog Pat. I'm so glad I know now, it's all becoming clear to me.

      Delete
    3. haha yeah it's sooo hard to see
      The rhyming must be blocked by bush number three

      Delete
    4. nobody told me that me was great today at my blog, I fell so ungreat :(

      Delete
    5. LOL he'll be along
      If not that is just wrong

      Delete
  10. "Either way I will use just to abuse"
    that could be a mantra for your new religious sect, Pat :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha use all to abuse all
      That would work well for the mantra of my hall

      Delete
    2. Tom Cruise is already jumping at his couch, he wants to leave the Scientology and join USE2ABUSE sect ;)

      Delete
    3. LOL sorry no rift rafts in the Use2abuse sect at my sea
      Unless he pays 45632342 million dollars to me

      Delete
  11. Fell off the roof?
    What a bunch of goofs.
    They need lessons from my feline bunch
    I have a hunch.
    Several go up there now to do surveillance duty.
    They have been taught well by Marmy.
    ha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marmy teaches them well
      To avoid the snip snip bell
      And to climb up on the roof to look over the land
      I bet he thinks he's just grand

      Delete
  12. I'm surprised it's only 26% for alien abduction; was that only for the midwest US? LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL could have been just there
      As many prob don't admit they were abducted from their lair
      Not that I blame them on that
      I'd also remain a quiet cat

      Delete
    2. what was that little jab at the midwest?
      geesh, we have brains like all the rest.
      lol.

      Delete
    3. I got probed. It was horrible...

      Delete
    4. LOL it wasn't me that brought it about
      So don't shout

      LOL I imagine it was an horrible ordeal
      Maybe it was fake and not real

      Delete
    5. LOL - Take no offense Betsy - I only bring it up because of Area 51, I promise. No ill will intended =)

      Delete
    6. Oh you are free to intend ill will
      That would be a thrill..haha

      Delete
  13. First time ever I found any fun in statistics :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See first time for everything at my shore
      As I rhyme more and more

      Delete
  14. Cats with stats
    what will they think
    of next,
    wings with bats,
    or bats with wings
    children swinging
    on a swing
    who break their heads
    and wind up dead.

    Where's the stat on that, Cat?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think bats with wings have been done
      But the reverse might be fun
      That last stat would just be depressing
      So the cat will leave you guessing

      Delete
    2. I haven't slept in 2 days Pat, I might even be dreaming while awake. It looks like I had a nightmare.

      Delete
    3. haha that it does look like indeed
      And 2 days at your feed?
      Damn, did the time change screw you up
      Causing this hiccup?

      Delete
    4. No I'm a vampire, I never sleep. When the sun comes up, I go down to my crypt and write my blog and talk to you guys. I'm pretty thirsty right now so I'm going to go stalk drunk people at the local pub. Lookin' for a gin drinker tonight!!

      Delete
    5. LOL those gin drinkers tasty are they
      And as long as there is none of that lovey dovey Twilight vampire stuff on display
      The cat is okay with that
      As long as you don't chow down on him or Pat

      Delete
  15. hahah. this has some serious stats.
    sometimes i like numbers :p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha sometimes they can be fun
      when a rhyme is spun

      Delete
  16. the darwin awards are hilarious, you might like our cruder version
    http://www.cuntscorner.com/cuntornot.php
    England the home of Shakespeare and Dickens...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha yes those are more cruder indeed
      But still quite funny as when wanking one should take heed

      Delete
  17. I didn't know power tools had such a high accident record

    I'm sure with the more stupid people every day that mark will have soared.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that mark will rise
      As so many more become unwise

      Delete
  18. Wait! 90% of people arn't in the top ten percent?!? Wow this is news to me!!!!

    I'm not apart of any of those statistics... and that surprized me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha didn't fall from a roof
      Or have another goof
      That is a very good thing
      Not giving any of these stats a ring

      Delete
  19. Cool piece Pat. As you probably could guess I love the odd and weird stats out there, when I had my PC I used to go to a site with all sorts of odd ones too, kinda like you showed here in your view- many just make you laugh, but there certainly is something to be said about those polled and/or tested. Provides some fun with a reflective gun. By the way, not sure if you heard, but Today did a report the other day, showing that if people don't take their time or carry too many items as they walk up or down stairs, they just might fall down. lol This should be a hit at the pub, you can just go up to people, at the bar, while waiting for your drink and tell them hey, did you know… Might get you somewhere or might get you some looks, either way by doing so you'll probably fall into a stat as well- stats for everything and everything- fun, absurd, but wouldn't want it any other way- well, ok, maybe for the morons to stop contributing to the stats, but if they did the world probably would get better- but you'd lower the need for stats, catch 22..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think better would be worse
      And less stats wouldn't make me curse
      But they are fun to use
      And abuse
      Obviously they stand a better chance
      Of falling from their stance
      I'm used to the weird looks though
      So that doesn't bother me at my show..haha

      Delete
  20. Not true that 26% have an alien abduction story? I knew it had to be higher!

    This was another fun read.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most prob would not admit it
      Or some were too crazy with their fit
      Glad it was fun
      As another tale was spun

      Delete
  21. I had to do the six months statistics Canada thing, or, they would take me to court. Dare I say, I hate stats!!! Drat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha wow I'd really hate it then too
      What those idiots make one do

      Delete
  22. haha...what about the 99% germs that are to eliminate before you kiss a poem...smiles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes those things need to be gone too
      Far far far out of my view..haha

      Delete
  23. Witty, Pat...you made me laugh :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I can do so
      As that is the goal of my show

      Delete
  24. "And finally 90% of people under Earth's tent,
    Aren't in the top ten percent.
    That's probably the only one that is true,
    Of all the stats I gave to you."

    No kidding, Pat???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I would never kid you
      Hmmm or maybe that would come due..haha

      Delete
  25. i admit i went poof when i once fell from the roof
    but i don't squat like al though he looks like quite a pal
    the stats you give are not lame
    those plugging into sockets and playing chicken must be the same
    alien abduction hints at internal corruption
    only 14 percent have lopped off a digit?
    it must be people like me who can't figure out the easiest of blog widgets

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha well blog widgets are a challenge to be had
      Could confuse many a lad
      Sockets and playing chicken though
      I hope you not let such a thing come to pass at your show
      But after going poof
      From your roof goof
      I don't know
      How things will go

      Delete
  26. He..he...I like the numbers, true or not...The verse about the alien abduction made me giggle ~

    We have nice spring weather all week...yippeee ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha those aliens always help at my land
      To make things more grand
      Nice here too for now
      Although freezing rain is supposed to come making many have a cow

      Delete
  27. per cent, this is worth a dollar or 2
    i know for a fact that this is true;
    a visit to your blog and i smile on cue

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha at least that much is true
      For a smile always seems to come due

      Delete
  28. I was wondering where you got your stats from as I was reading---clever write----glad that 14% didn't really saw off a limb!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL some are true
      Some are less that true that you view
      But either way glad I am clever
      With my rhyming endeavor

      Delete
  29. Haha - I like the sleep question the best... reminds me of a time I emailed someone and told them to let me know if they don't get it... writing fried brain cells.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaha yeah that would be kind of hard to do
      At least right away for you

      Delete
  30. looks like a good percentage stop by your blog...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah many seem to stop on by
      As I let the rhymes fly

      Delete
  31. It wouldn't surprise me if some of these statistics were true, though. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly many are true
      At least as far as what they say came due

      Delete
  32. as they say there are lies, damn lies and statistics

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha and which one is worse
      God only knows as they all make on curse

      Delete
  33. As a statistician, I loved it. As a poet I loved it even more. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Two in one
      And both had fun
      That is great
      As the cat got no hate

      Delete
  34. Some people are too diverse to converse!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And some just want to make you curse
      So which are worse

      Delete
  35. If those stats are true then that's nuts

    ReplyDelete
  36. here's how things will go
    there will be a sockets and playing chicken row
    i talk as long as i so desire
    those in attendance may end up sucking tires

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just make sure the tires
      Not leave any burn marks or fires
      Then the passerby
      Might lose an eye

      Delete
  37. 42% fall off of roofs? What the heck are they doing up there, anyway?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ummm fixing a leak
      Or maybe putting xmas lights up looking so sleek

      Delete
  38. So I'm reading tonight, as you might have known.
    And came across this phrase you wrote
    "She kissed him so passionately it made his toes curl"
    Whoa...now that gave my head a whirl.
    Firt time you've said 'curl' was a good thing
    as it's usually noses and faces curling
    meaning they are more likely hurling
    than twirling.
    lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha never even noticed that
      I guess the hurling is more to do with the cat
      At his rhyming sea
      Then in the books at Pat's tree

      Delete
  39. Ha, who knew you were so good at math,
    perhaps you've found a new career path!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cat and numbers all got along
      Even with Pat the ding dong

      Delete
  40. I demand to see the paper that produced these stats. Something tells me it wasn't peer reviewed. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL you could very well be right
      As I think some of these were made up on site

      Delete
  41. 80% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep that is true
      For all but 20% of what you view

      Delete
  42. Know what you are? A freakin' fertile funster! Who needs telly? You always paint these quick images that bobble. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha oh I like that
      Makes me seem like such a fun cat
      Still Pat would never forgo the TV
      As he is a movie nut you see

      Delete
  43. Stats with style. What a refreshing change.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah quite the change
      From the usual mumbo jumbo at the stats range

      Delete
  44. I think I must be rather thick
    Your post confused on first look
    Re-reading I gave my butt a kick
    Coz simple as a child's first book

    Stats are stats
    Simple as that
    But you're one crazy bat
    And clever cat!

    Ooh it's been too long since I've read one of your posts. Need to keep up with your weird mindset!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yes it isn't that hard
      But since you've been away from my rhyming yard
      I suppose I will let you off the hook
      Just this once at my nook
      A weird mindset indeed
      Is what you'll always find at my feed

      Delete
  45. And this is 100% fun, Pat.
    You really know what to do with a stat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that I do
      Use it for a rhyme then flush em down the loo

      Delete
  46. Yep, definitely very grand facts, Pat. I, for one, never suck on a pillow. Just on a straw connected to my bourbon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I suppose as long as you aren't a full blown drunk
      That sure beats the pillow sucking funk

      Delete
    2. Nope. Never been drunk. At least I don't remember....

      Delete
    3. haha well that is a good way to be
      And if not it's nice to have no memory..haha

      Delete
  47. This brought much glee to me
    as I deal with worker stupidity
    all the time at my day job... woe is me! :P


    On a side note, have you heard the song Statistician's Blues? Similar idea. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I think many have to deal with that
      So does Pat at his work mat
      Never heard that one
      Will have to go give it a run

      Delete
  48. Pat, this poem is the exclamation point on a weekend that has now just begun.

    Cheers,

    Mark Butkus

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha glad it was grand
      As you came to my land

      Delete