Sunday, April 29, 2012

The Cat And Pat Make The Phone Guy Fall Flat!

Pat was lying about and the cat was sprawled out on top and because of my flop, I made his leg go numb. What, are you saying I have a big bum? All the better to moon you with I guess, which the cat does quite often, I will confess. Then just as with every other night, the stupid phone rang and on came its light. Pat knew it was the dumb "We've Got a Special Offer For You" mook and no it wasn't a fluke. Same time every time with their chime.

So instead of hitting the red side, Pat smiled wide and picked me up with him. I was still a tad dim. He hit the phone and let the speaker play. My eyes perked up and I tried to get away. But he held me there, even with the few scratches I gave him here, there and everywhere. Eventually I got his plan and became a fan.

Hello, Hello, Hello
No, I don't want jello.
(Meow, Meow, Meow)

Sir, I'm looking for Mr. Hatt.
Check under your mat.
(Meow, Meow, Meow)

Hello, Hello, Hello
I really hate snow.
(Meow, Meow, Meow)

Would Mr. Hatt be there?
He's having an affair.
(Meow, Meow, Meow)

What was that sir?
Damn, you sure can shed some fur.
(Meow, Meow, Meow)

Are you still there, sir?
Can't you hear me purr?
(Purr, Purr, Meow, Meow)

Cassie jumps up on the desk and looks about, twitching her head as the phone does its shout.

We have a special offer for you.
Who's we? I only hear one, it's true.
(Meow, Purr, Meow, Purr)

I mean we,
Sir would you like the hear....
You didn't rhyme, oh dear.
(Meow, Meow, Purr, Purr)

Pat smiled stealing Betsy's word, as Cassie thought the whole thing absurd. She started to bat at the phone wanting to end that disturbing moan. Pat watched as silence came due, letting me go and I batted it too.

Hello, Hello, Hello
I still don't want jello.
(I know the same rhyme but that isn't a crime)

Cassie whacked the phone on the floor and we both jumped down battling the thing some more. It spun rather well and as the guy spoke we thought "what the hell?" We wanted the guy to come out or stop his shout. The cat meowed right into the phone after another hello, hello, hello moan. After that it went click we thought we were quite slick.

And the final Face it Facts are they never called back to my bar. Add another to the list of things the cat can do. I can scare away the phone guy, who is barely understandable, for you. So now I'm not disturbed when I make Pat's leg go to sleep with my mass and yeah, that includes my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling


  1. Nice idea. Let the cats talk to the pesky caller. :D

    I can be very mean to these telemarketers, I would put the phone somewhere and let them talk. They go off like a machine gun and you can't get a word in anyway. The scam "you win something" types are the worst.

    1. LOL well that is surely a thing to do
      Let them talk to themselves and not bother you

  2. This is great rhyming as always Pat, I hate those stupid phone calls so much and it's class to see your take on them, the jello repetition is actual genius so don't feel bad about reusing it.

    1. haha yeah it was such fun letting the cats answer him back
      And going on a rhyming attack

  3. Yes! The perfect way to get rid of telemarketers! Have your cat purr or meow into the phone!

    Super genius!

    1. Super genius works for me
      As those telemarketers are just scary

  4. Replies
    1. Pretty you say
      Hmmm R is getting flirty at my bay

      Nice retort
      At my court

    2. he will fight for you with that Viking lass, Pat :)

    3. I hope they both lose
      As they pop a fuse
      And the whole place goes boom
      Ending any future doom

    4. He wants you to sit in his lap cat and make is leg go hmmmmmm.

    5. Not something the cat wants to see or hear
      That would just cause fear

  5. Come to think of it, telemarketers are worse than good morning mustaches! You're always the winner. Number 100,000! You... the luckiest person in the world! YOUARETHEWINNERRRRR! Oh give me a break. Buy this buy that... pfffff. Die Hard 1 Special collector's edition 10 disks set I bet. Only $1. Scratch them all.

    1. LOL do you win a prize if you scratch them all?
      I might take that at my hall
      For I could win $1000000000000000 bucks
      Right! Only ones that fall for that are dumb umm ducks

    2. That's right.. Dumb.... ducks. Now give me my money, Mr Telemarketer!

    3. Not gonna happen sadly though
      Unless the clearing house sweepstakes decides to show

  6. I know what you mean by those pesky telemarketers. Funny thing is sometimes I tell them I am the daughter, not the mom, and they believe me..he..he...

    1. LOL I've told them they had the wrong number or I was someone else as well
      Yet they still try to sell

  7. ha that is one way to keep the tele marketers at bay, there was a group once that made some cds of their means of dumping the phone calling junk that was quite funny and got the goat of the sales mans throat...and thats all i got to wrote...

    1. haha a lot can be made fun of with these guys
      As they are annoying with no disguise
      Just plain annoying
      And making fun I was surely enjoying

  8. I really need to teach my dog to answer the phone!

    1. LOL it is a nifty trick
      But he might drool on it which could be ick

  9. What kind of cat doesn't like jello lol. I could really go for some right now.

  10. Very cool......perfect response.

    1. The cat thought so
      As he had fun on the go

  11. Thelemarketers were all the rage at some time, but they seem to have slowed down a bit. However, if they ever make a comeback, I think I know what to do, thanks to you :)

    1. Yeah it was an annoying one trying to get me to renew
      So I had fun with them it is true

  12. cat is such a better narrator than you, Pat, you know? :P

    1. Pat is too busy paying the bills
      Will the cat can sit around all day and give thrills

    2. And who are you giving thrills to cat? Certainly not your readers, so who is it who pray tell, who?

    3. and what kind of bills is he paying? I cannot imagine Pringle cans cost so much? Is it for the cat porn you watch on the telly?

    4. Well you're the one sneaking around spying on my ass
      So why don't you tell me there Irish lass

      Oh you would be surprised at that
      For pringle cans cost a lot at our mat
      Don't get those channels here
      So no kitty porn on tv I fear

  13. I miss the rampant calling of telemarketers and the like

    I used to play jokes that they disliked

    1. Yeah it is such fun to do
      When you have time to bother with such a crew

  14. I honestly cant think of a better title for a childrens book than 'the swashbuckle chuckle'. good work, kind sir.

    1. Thanks for saying so
      It just popped in with my rhyme flow

  15. LOL It's so nice not having a land line...hahaha Great trick! I mean, I feel bad for the people bc they must hate their job...but, they r so annoying!!!!

    1. LOL I don't have a land line though
      This was the cell phone that lit up all a glow
      As they were trying to sucker me in to more crap
      With their little rap
      And yeah I try not to feel too bad
      For fun can be had
      And an annoyance are they
      So I figure what they hey

  16. Hey, that's a good idea. Next time the telemarketers call, I'm going to have Schultz talk to them. Hee hee.

    1. Haha that might be a bad idea though
      As he may chew the phone at your show

  17. nice... i think i have to try this telephone spinning trick as well when they're trying to sell me something over the phone next time..

    1. Give it a spin
      As it makes for such fun and is surely a win

  18. Well cat you
    survived another
    here at your bay
    but now anon
    I needs must go
    to sleep
    and pray.

    1. sleep safely, Annzie, I've sent Kowalski and Skipper to keep observing the cat and his gang....

    2. Have to go take a nap
      What, no more liquor on tap?
      You sucked the thing dry
      Come on now, don't lie

      Pffft they are too busy with their own poo
      To every have such a thing come due

  19. Haha... I hate those calls too. Yesterday, I thought of a new one ..she asked me if I would like to take part in a survey, I replied 'No' 'Well, can I just confirm that your telephone number is..' I replied "What, I'm a bit deaf!" Can I conform that your number is and you have a child?"
    I said "What?"
    LOL She repeated it..LOUDER ..So I said, "I told you I didn't want to take part in your survey and now you're still asking me questions and I can't hear you... bye bye"
    she never called back either... haha..gotta beat them at their own game.
    Clever cat and Pat!

    1. LOL oh that is good too
      I never thought of such a thing coming due
      It would be fun to play deaf with a meowing cat
      Sure they would never again call my mat

  20. Haha. Quite a clever rhyme, even though you used jello two times. :-)

    1. A little bit of a cheat
      But was too fun not to repeat

  21. I never thought I'd say this but....I may need to borrow the Cat...

    No! Wait! I take it back, the alliance will skin me alive!

    1. I will store that away
      For you said it at my bay
      And can't take it back
      Watch out for the alliance at your shack

  22. I think I would have let the cat do more talking. He knows what's up. :P

    1. Or at least he thinks he does
      As his meows gave a buzz

  23. Lol I hate it when my leg falls asleep

    1. Yeah it gets all tingly and shit
      That is enough to make anyone have a fit

  24. Can I forward my calls to you? Before we registered in, it was daily pain to deal with these guys. But anyway I have my Indian accent and "I dont speak the English"

    1. LOL that is a good way to get rid of them too
      I bet with that away they flew

    2. Not exactly, next question would be
      "Madam, do you speak Spanish then?"
      I always wanted to continue the call with lesson on Indian history,
      India was ruled by British for the most, and some by French and some by Portuguese and no Spanish colony at all, so "I speak the no English- Bug off. And I am from South India so Hindi as well" but I didnt want them to sell Rosetta :)

    3. hahaha you could surely give them quite the run down
      Making them frown
      Call them a bloody wanker too
      That will surely make them bugger off from view

  25. haha, guess he didn't speak cat, pity the fool. Nice taste of his own medicine here, but I do fear, his calls will return, as they always seem to do. Perhaps next time he'll get the cat really hissed.

    1. It returned once more
      But I never picked up for an encore
      Just let it ring
      Although both cats jumped up ready to let some meows fling
      Or a hiss
      Whatever causes them bliss

  26. There's a girl I know who always walks by and does a quick "meow" under her breath, like a strange calling card of hers. Either way, I kept seeing her in my head as I read this today

    1. LOL oh that is too funny
      A meow as she walks by like a bunny
      I hope at least it was a good sight
      And did not cause a fright

  27. haha. Don't you just hate those calls?
    I don't ever answer the phone at my hall.
    I have a few abusive relatives
    so I screen calls selectively.
    If it's a friendly voice, I'll then pick up
    if it's not? well, that's their back luck!
    Could have fun with nine cats taking the call
    might make them want to bawl!

    1. I figured I would answer once
      To annoy the dunce
      Very very few people have my number to bug me
      As I just changed it in March when I got a new phone at my sea
      Plus I have the tunes set up for each one
      So when a call gives a run
      I know who is calling without even getting up from my seat
      Unless it is the main one then it could be a nut trying to sell me a treat
      Relatives that are abusive too?
      Oh trust me, I have QUITE a few
      But they never call me
      As they have been chopped off the tree
      I'd rather spend a day with flappy than any of those
      They just curl my toes
      And yep nine cats would be fun
      Surely making him run

    2. You have them, too?
      The abusive few?
      I chopped them from the tree
      but they still try to bother me!
      Haven't talked to mine in over a year
      but the experience was bad I fear.
      So I'm afraid to pick up the phone
      as caller ID I have none.
      So I just screen away
      and still have time to play.
      I think this person still calls every day
      and slowly hangs up when a message they are supposed to say.
      None of them have my cell
      and I think that is just swell.

    3. I only have a cell
      And will not tell
      Those whack job more than a few
      Who a chopping has come due
      Those limbs will never grow back
      Has been that way for 10 years at my shack
      And will remain that way forever more
      As I showed them the door
      Every day you say
      Way they are persistent at your bay
      Can't take the hint I guess
      That they should call much less

    4. yeah, sometimes you have to know when enough is enough
      and although it may seem rough
      you have to move on
      and they need to be gone.
      yeah,..every day although I can't prove it
      since I don't have caller ID to show it
      but who else would try every day
      and then hang up?..has to be a certain crazy lady.
      I've had to block email addresses too
      as it's that crazy with the looney tunes
      then they just make a new address
      and send me some distress.
      Maybe a can of pringle poo
      would put an end to it, between me and you.

    5. Oh mine wasn't rough
      I gave a rather rude huff and puff
      And that was that
      No more of them at my mat
      Haven't seen them since
      I gave them my ten cents
      They no to leave me be
      And not even pretend they are related to me..haha
      Geez you are so nice
      Yet you get such spice
      A stalker each day
      In more than one way
      That has to be a pain
      As they sound like the are on the crazy train

  28. I get a lot of sales calls on my mobile, you can ask to see the manager and have your number stricken off. But since i worked for sales once, i can tell you they never lose your number lol. Their like the original annoying friend you cannot get rid of. We used to rip pages from the telephone directory and call them, there is no such things are 'leads' lists. And we specifically targeted retired people who we could exploit, terrible business... .
    Moral free zone.
    Im glad you struck a blow .

    1. Wow you have some insight there
      Now I am even more aware
      They have no morals at all
      So I will get them back at my hall
      Sounds like I did the right thing
      Letting the cats meows fling

  29. You make me say Bloody wanker and I make you say Oh dear.
    That is not a fair trade I fear!
    Could make me scream blue murder
    oh that would make me shudder!
    I'd feel like I was wearing the "crown of dumb"
    and then some!

    1. hahahaha it is a fair trade
      And should never fade
      I don't mind an oh dear
      As it is fun with the bloody wanker watching you strike fear
      Or confusion at least
      And just block that crown with the one for all each kitty beast

    2. haha...where exactly did 'crown of dumb'
      come from?
      I know it was you.
      Book or post that came due?
      Nobody else would say such a thing
      and glee I know to you does bring.

    3. LOL I'm not sure on that one
      Never gave it a rhyme spun
      Don't think it was the book either from me
      I don't think you can blame that one on my sea
      Although if you want
      I can use it and taunt

    4. It was you...
      and I found it, too!
      Last Saturday right here at your shore.
      I actually took a little brain tour
      just now and dusted off the file
      OH, now you think I'm vile!

      "So you want to be more dumb? Come now, don't be glum. Just looking for such a thing grants you the crown of dumb. You surely must be brain numb."

      lol...I knew it was you.
      Nobody else talks like you do.
      Now I know you better than yourself
      oh, that will surely make you yelp.

    5. LOL I say so much
      Sometimes I lose touch
      But you were correct I see
      Which can be admitted to by me

  30. An ingenious solution to marketing calls!

    1. Yep and quite fun
      All should give it a run

  31. Irritating to say the least
    Wonder why they chose my no.
    They rattled off all in one piece
    They don't listen nor bother
    I just place the phone aside
    Wait for the click and no sound
    If smart they'll open eyes wide
    In future my no. is no motivation


    1. Yeah but sadly they are slow
      And never seem to hear the no
      Calling back once more
      To your shore
      Oh well
      Fun to give em hell

  32. Hello! Stopping by for the A to Z Challenge. What a fun post.

    1. Stopping by when it is done
      Oh what fun

  33. My dog is too lame
    to play this telephone game.
    So when asked to buy something or other.
    I tell 'em I'm my brother.
    Unless they're looking for my wife
    to sell her a robot kitchen knife.
    So, instead, using my head,
    I tell them she's dead.

    1. LOL that may back fire
      And things could get dire
      For they could write her off
      Making her scoff
      As she is declared legally dead
      Causing a bunch of dread
      Saw it on a show
      Too much tv I know

  34. Ring
    Is anyone there
    In your lair?

    Well, I will just leave a message then,
    Because it is after ten,
    Hope all is well with you fellow,
    Don't worry, I'm not selling Jello.

    Did you just "meow"
    Or call me a sea cow?
    I'm hanging up after the beep
    Don't worry, I won't say another peep.

    1. Wow a conversation with yourself
      Here at my shelf
      Sorry I was out
      You didn't have to shout
      The machine was on
      Here at my lawn
      And caught everything
      As you gave a ring
      Talking to your new pup too
      That must have sucked when he peed on you..LOL

  35. Why would you not want jello? I want some jello...

    1. Jello is nasty to me
      So all of it can go to thee

  36. Ahhh... Gotta love the telemarketer trying to sell Jello.

    I like Jello. It's nice on occasion.

    1. Bah you can have my share
      I hate jello at my lair

  37. Replies
    1. It takes a while
      But you learn when they are saying something vile

  38. You have a clever way with words. And I love the picture of the cat in your banner.

    1. The cat likes to be clever
      Let's hope it stops umm never

  39. I am stopping by to catch some of the blogs that I missed during the challenge. That cat of yours is awfully talented :)

    1. Yeah that should help is ego rise
      As he thinks he is talented and oh so wise