Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Opening It Can Be Quite dVerse Making You Curse!

Ever get something that is a pain and makes you want to pop a vein? I mean by opening the thing up with the stupid wrapper causing a hiccup. You stab it and yank it and stab it some more. That plastic makes it seem like something of lore. Really annoying I must say. I guess they want to make you work for it at your bay.

Your pretty item is in the mail,
You get it and give a wail.
Want to see it right away.
But then you are caused dismay.

The thing is stuck,
What the duck?
This plastic is worse than super glue.
And all you can do is view.

Stabbing it comes to mind,
You grab the first thing you can find.
So and take your pen,
Stabbing it at your den.

Oops, the pen broke,
Now ink is making you choke.
But you will not give up,
As you knock down your coffee cup.

Smash! It breaks to pieces on the floor.
Adding another chore.
But screw that for now.
Could be a blessing some how.

You take the biggest piece of glass,
And stab it in mass.
Oops! You cut yourself some,
Now you swear the thing is dumb.

But it will not win.
You bash it with a tin.
A frying pan too,
And drown it in the loo.

Bleach the thing to melt it off,
As you continue to scoff.
You finally get wise,
Hauling out scissors on the rather large size.

You go to chop the thing,
And the two halfs fling.
Meaning the scissors break in two.
Now whatever will you do?

Smash it with a hammer,
For causing such a clamor?
Then that would signal defeat.
And you will not be beat.

So you stamp return to sender,
Saying it was put through a blender.
And wait for your replacement one.
Declaring this time such a tail will not be spun.

Until it is once more,
As the plastic gives an encore.
If only it was made of rubber,
Or at least could amuse and dance like Flubber.

Now was that not dVerse? For that plastic crap can make one curse. A chop here and a chop there and all you can do is stare. For the thing won't open with ease and is such a tease. But if you stab it just right your item will see the light. By then you are too tired to care and you know it is not that rare. All a ploy to cause sass so all will hear of the product including my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.


  1. Replies
    1. Hank...you get up way too early!

    2. That he really does
      To become number one so often with the comment buzz haha

    3. Betsy and Pat,
      We're on the other side of the world. Unearthly hours to you are times of play for us. Plain lucky most times,though!
      I access 'Rhyme Time' a couple of times in a day. Pat always has the time to reply to every one that's why! Cheers!


    4. Yeah I always try to reply
      To each and every girl and guy
      That comes to my bay
      And you are right in what you say
      For you get up when we are asleep
      And the reverse is for our keep

  2. Plastic is the most durable
    Even scissors breaks in two?
    Burn it you should be able
    What's inside may burn too!
    What then short of a bite
    It might just break some teeth
    You've tried everything right
    Leave it alone it'll be a relief


    1. Yeah I suppose best to just leave it alone
      And calm down ones tone
      But still annoying it can be
      So it must be opened by me..haha

  3. Opening up a DVD is the pits
    Just about gives me the fits.

    Once I tried to STAB a plastic top off a bottle
    Into my finger the knife did throttle
    and off to Emergency I did toddle!

    Have a nice day
    Don't let fools get in your way!

    1. haha the fools are all around
      But I will try not to let them be found
      And ouch that must have hurt
      As the blood did squirt

  4. Stab it, stab it, stab it again,
    The right through my hand with a pen,

    1. sheesh, Lurk, you're really in the violent mood today :PPP

    2. Damn someone had too much caffience today
      Such violence at my bay

    3. You two haven't had to raise children and open up the packages their stuff comes packaged in. It's pure murder.

    4. haha I guess I have something to be thankful for
      Here at my shore

  5. I know Pat, it is so annoying how these plastic wrapped are so tight, specially when its a little thing. Stab it, but you will wreck the thing. Happy day to you Pat ~ Keep cool ~

    1. Yeah it is very annoying in every way
      At any bay
      Not hot here
      So I can keep cool indeed with my little rhyming rear

  6. Replies
    1. Guess it was your fit
      That missed that bit haha

  7. awesome, keep us posted :)

    1. I was thinking the same exact thing, Betsy!! lol

    2. hahaha...I guess he wanted to improve his image? lol.

    3. An updated R
      Has come to my bar
      Really wasted little time
      Becoming oh so sublime

    4. even grew a halo
      and chats with us below
      but are we allowed to tease Jesus
      could be a sin against us.

    5. Yeah we might go to hell
      For such teasing at my cell
      Oh well
      I will still ring that bell

    6. We will know for sure if he comes back to respond...

    7. I know exactly what happened. We crucified R and he rose from the dead and has returned as our Lord and Savior.

    8. LOL poor poor R
      Having to go through such an ordeal because of all the comments to him at my bar

    9. Poor R just wanted a little more respect and thought this was the best way. lol. :)

    10. haha did not work
      Just leaves us with a smirk

  8. I reckon this means you received the stinky bomb we've sent you in the mail :) We knew the curiosity will be the last of cat :)

    1. Not only did it make him mad, he almost cut himself AND he knocked over his coffee HA HA!!

    2. Pfft the stinky bomb didn't have enough postage to reach me
      So it was sent back to your sea
      At least that's what I was told
      You alliance cronies may as well just fold

    3. The stinky bomb took one whiff of the cat and curled up and died.

    4. LOL that could work too
      The cat has the best stench around it is true

    5. LOL at Annzie :)))
      Elsie, that was the plan :)
      Cat, you can deny it, but we all know you got the bomb!

    6. Pffft I will always deny
      And make the alliance fry

    7. I don't respond well to frying, Cat, me is only tasty and tender when slowly steamed :)

    8. Well steam away then at your stall
      Just down steam up the hall
      Or any other room
      Then you won't be able to see and that could bring doom

  9. Excess packaging really is shit,
    But I want to know, what was in it?

    1. Just a more general look at it
      Nothing immediate that caused this fit

  10. Oh, this is so true! And if you do get your scissors to work on it, the cut edges are sharper than a razor blade! You really are taking your life in your hands just to open those things! Glad you lived to rant about it. lol.

    1. Yeah ones life is in their hands
      When opening it at their lands
      One little slip
      And a human may become snip snip
      That would not go over well
      And put them in some kind of hell

    2. a self done snip
      oh that does not sound hip
      better not hold the package in your lap
      when you go on the scissor attack!

    3. haha yes I will hold it good and high
      So all I will lose is an eye
      Although that would be bad too
      Hmmm maybe I'll let another get the plastic off and turn blue

    4. yes, balls of any kind
      would not be fun to loose
      in your head or down below
      just so you know.

    5. LOL yeah that is very true
      For it even made a rhyme screw up happen by you
      So it has to be bad
      And will be avoided by this lad

  11. "What the duck?"

    That's a lot nicer than what would have been said at my bay,
    for you know we NYer's curse each and every day.
    The plastic package would have opened under my gaze
    for as you know, my talents never cease to shock and amaze!

    1. Oh I swear away
      Night and day
      With such a display
      At my bay
      But you are full of shit
      With that little bit
      See I swore just for you
      And it's even true..LMAO

    2. You just made me laugh so hard
      All the birds stopped chirping in my yard.
      My virginal eyes, I feel such an offend!
      When will this madness come to an end?
      I will sit back and enjoy my liver pate'
      and try not to curse while at your bay.

      hahaha =)))

    3. hahaha I made you scare all the birds
      From my above words
      Oh that is quite fun
      Although liver plate sounds nasty by a ton
      If that is food
      And a curse here and there isn't so rude

  12. Nothing is worse than cd covers

    After all the trouble nobody ever recovers

    1. Yeah such a pain in the rump
      May as well just throw them in the dump

  13. dude is it even worth it at that point, the plastic wrap makingyou wreck your joint & by the time you got it out, the thing is broken all about...shout, shout, shout i say, hey did you hear cali is outlawing plastic bags, maybe soon they will wrap it in rags..egads

    1. haha yeah not worth it one bit
      By the time I am done such a fit
      So I just ignore the damn thing
      And let the swear words fling
      Outlawing plastic bags too
      Hmmm what can one use to pick up dog poo?

  14. If I didn't know any better I'd say you were opening up a toy! They pack those things so tight! One of the many reasons why I hate Christmas! The kids open the gifts and bring them to me right away! "Daddy, I can't get this open!"
    "Well I can't either! Looks like you will have to find another toy until I get out my blow torch and jaws of life to rescue this poor little toy!"

    1. LMAO the latest one was an electric razor I tried to get open at my sea
      But yeah those toys are a plight also to try and break free
      Those suckers are good and tight
      That one would be lucky to get them open come night

  15. This sounds like quite the frustrating opening buddy, it definitely took a while and a lot of problems ensued, unfortunately for you. I understand how irksome those things can be though.

    1. Yep irksome in every way
      And make for quite the swearing at my bay

  16. LMAO The sad thing is, the pen is the first thing that I reach for too! It just seems so practical. No? Ok, maybe not... LOL

    From this point forward I'll always opt for the steak knife first!! hahaha

    1. LOL yeah the pen always seems like it will work
      But after a bit of a jerk
      It does not do the trick
      May as well get a brick
      You and a steak knife
      Hmmmm everyone better be far far far away or they could endanger their life

    2. LMAO What are you trying to say? I could handle a steak knife!!! Hmph...just don't tell my nanny. She witnessed me slice my finger open while opening a box with a steak knife. Shhh :)

    3. LOL yes that is exactly what I was trying to say
      Keep the steak knife far far far away

  17. Arrrgh! Blasted vacuum-sealed nightmare packaging! The amount of times I have broken stuff (scissors, knives, fingernails) trying to get into the damned things. And I so agree re CD covers - WTF - why don't they have a little tab like on cigarette packs?

    1. Yeah you'd think it be easier like that
      But oh not you have to squash the damn thing flat
      As you yank and yank
      Better off getting into a tank

  18. haha, yeah used to happen to me all the time when I bought a cd, frustrated me sometimes to the point I didn't want to hear the songs, to make matters worse, they had that sticker thing that would make you curse, I guess they probably still do, but i haven't bought an album from the cd zoo, now I just click and make the music instantly come to view. funny you should post this today though, as I just bought one of those coconut water juice box things, thought I'd give it a whirl, but it had this tight sticker thing over the spout, and I tried and tried, felt like a wimp, had to give it a shout. Eventually I opened it, and it was ok, but I understand how they advertise it as being so refreshing, because after you try and open it, you need to refresh your electrolytes lol

    1. LOL yeah such a pain no matter what it is
      This stupid opening biz
      They must like making us suffer this crap
      As it happens all over the map
      Doesn't matter it seems one bit
      As all of it wants to make you have a fit

  19. It makes me
    want to
    pull my hair
    and swear
    when packages
    to open
    my tear.

    So a fit
    I throw
    and a stomping
    I go
    to one much
    stronger and meaner
    than I.

    Tis my
    fair daughter
    the one I adore
    whose temper
    so violent
    so fearsome
    so bold
    no plastic
    dare keep her
    from what she
    lest World War III
    take hold.

    1. LOL sounds like you are all set
      For as soon as the plastic makes you fret
      You can just give it to her
      And in a quick blur
      The plastic will come off
      Making you no longer scoff
      Although it is still a pain
      That always makes one want to pop a vein

    2. I hate it, cat, when you say "pop a vein", it's creepy!

    3. Bah a little creepy is good
      Pop a vein we all should

  20. by the time you declare the tail is unspun
    the blender will have had its fun
    all i want to do is get at it
    not seal it away like contaminated shit
    quality control goes for a stroll
    and leaves the packaging to a troll
    the only way in is blasting a hole

    1. LOL yeah that is the only way in
      But then you may win
      And have some pride
      Although whatever was inside
      Is now pretty much crap
      So you once more have to take a lap

  21. you can either try with dynamite or sure instinct...just saying..

    1. Dynamite sounds like a plan
      Of that one I am a fan

  22. Did they not invent something to handle this hard plastic wrap thingy?
    one of the things I hate the most is this.

    1. I think they may have done that
      But it also comes in plastic crap at your mat

  23. Love your rhyming excellence.

  24. Hahah, i can sympathise with this. I got a wind up radio last week and it took me ten minutes to cut in to it. The shops say it is to stop shoplifting, im guessing the theory is the thieves will go insane trying to open the damn packets and turn themselves in. Great poem, very funny.

    1. LOL that is a good theory
      As thieves may just be weary
      And turn themselves in
      Because they couldn't break into the plastic bin

  25. LOL! This just happened to me, today. I was trying to open my kids' new vitamin container. It took me a full fifteen minutes to get that thing opened. I hate the way things are packaged these days. Even rocket scientists can't open them!

    1. They do it to protect this and that
      But really you just want to smash them flat haha

  26. This is hilarious! This happens to me all of the time!

    1. Seems to happen to everyone
      As they try to give this stupid thing a run

  27. LOL I go through the same struggles, usually I end up with band aids on my hand from cutting myself on the plastic. Someone needs to invent something to help with our 1st world problems like this one.

    1. LOL yeah I have been there too
      Need a band aid a couple times at my zoo

  28. Flubble Bubble Boil and Trouble;
    Hubba Bubba and a Goody Gum DROP rubber...

    chicken ;D

    1. I hope the chicken died
      Before it was fried

  29. LOL...I HATE those pressure sealed plastic things that goods come in too.
    Only way I know how to get in them is use a pair of scissors or, cut the top off with a sharp knife... Whoever invented them needs a slap uside the head....haha...I was smiling as I read all of this....been there done that... LOL

    1. LOL seems like all have been there done that
      And all wanted to squash the things flat
      And yeah the inventor needs a slap upside the head
      For causing such dread

  30. Darn those plastic packages. I get trying to protect the object, but it doesn't seem like it needs quite that much protection. :P

    1. haha yeah I know
      Like it's friggin radioactive or something on the go

  31. Only this past year--if I'm buying something in a store--I ask them to please open it for me, like, I want to check it out--or something? Maybe i even tell that 'white lie' e.g., sore wrist, surgery on thumb, etc.

    You are sure THE NUMBER ONE RHYME-MAN!

    1. LOL well if it works
      Good way to get past those plastic jerks
      And I enjoy being number one
      As that is such fun

  32. Funny stuff and all too accurate. As my friends above have said, having that kind of packing is frustrating and ridiculous. But you gave me a smile recounting the experience. Thanks.

    1. haha yeah at least it is worth a smile
      After tearing and swearing at it a good long while

  33. Hate hate Hate packaging! Drives me insane and from the comments, I am not the only one!

    1. LOL nope we aren't alone
      As it causes all to groan

  34. Ha! Have you ever tried to get a doll out of its packaging??

    1. haha yeah tried that too
      Hard to come due
      Some are easier though
      Still all a pain at each and every show

  35. I'm sure they do it deliberately just to really frustrate everyone.
    Possibly it's the work of the devil

    1. The work of satan you say
      Hmm that would make sense for such dismay

  36. Replies
    1. That we all have indeed
      At each and every feed

  37. Yes, plastic sure can be immortal,
    but once again you've made me chortle.

    Good job Pat....

    1. Oh so much fun to do
      And flush the plastic down the loo

  38. snort!
    you are so right on with this one
    reading it gave me a lot of fun
    yes, that's such a lame rhyme
    but that plastic casing is a crime

    1. hahaha I made you snort
      That makes up for any lame rhyme at my court

  39. Fun stuff:) Good one, Pat :)

    1. Fun reading about it
      But the damn stuff in real life makes you have a fit

  40. you have days like this too?

    and yesterday, i was so pissed off, driving 90 or 100 and got a ticket, can you imagine that???

    did u ever use the pic i sent u?

    spaceship tanka

    1. LOL I'd be pissed off too
      But then driving that fast is sorta on you..haha
      Even though I do it as well
      And a ticket is hell
      I still have the pic saved to use later on
      On some tuesday for the dverse lawn
      As I'm always 40 posts ahead
      So my place is never dead..haha

  41. hahah yes! Nice rhyme here- this just makes me think of DVD cases! I have them, they are so hard to open!

    1. haha yeah I've opened up over 2000 of those
      So I know the pain that grows

  42. I'm getting a bunch of packages, hope I don't have a problem like this

    1. LOL hope so too
      As lots of swearing will come due

  43. What an interesting premise for a poem! We definitely can relate to the trials and tribulations of opening up airtight packages! Purrfection! Julie

    1. haha yeah all can relate
      As it is such an awful fate
      And purrfection like that
      Here at my mat

  44. Comment 120
    sheesh, not so funny
    as I scroll to post my words
    you've grown such a following
    this poster's hollering
    through plastic so tight, its absurd!
    So I'll take my pen
    and I'll holler again
    Hey Cat can you see me down here?
    Just keep on scrolling, the comments are rolling
    I'll have to be quicker I fear! :)

    1. Yeah way way way down you are
      As plenty come near and far
      To my bar each day
      I guess they like the rhyme play
      But I will always see
      No matter if you are 1 or 120
      And that will be the case
      Every day at my place

  45. Aaargh, the frustation
    of these stupid plastic wrappers
    enough to break any elation
    turn my brain all aflappers
    just can't wait for the future day
    when plastic is history, far far away!
    And that is all that I have to say.

    1. Yeah I hope that day comes to pass
      As plastic really really annoys my little rhyming ass

  46. Oh how I hate plastic,
    but thought the rhyme was fantastc! :)

  47. Whenever I'm expecting a package
    I prepare tools to control my rage
    All those packing tape are annoying
    But it all protects the toys within

    1. True it protects rather well
      But to get it off it can be hell