Wednesday, June 20, 2012

How Not To Fall Flat When Dating A Cat!

So Blabber always does these dating things at her shore with a nice even ten thing to explore. I think it is high time the cat gave you some rules at his mat. No, this is not from the dumb human, Pat. If you let this come due the cat will squash you flat. Dating tips for meeting the cat and not just the one at this mat. For I will save all those felines out there from such a horrid affair.

1. Any of that eeping crap needs to take a nap.
Do you really expect anyone to come to a squealer? Well maybe if you need some kind of healer.

2. You leave it in our view and it is fair game for whatever we wish to come due.
Is it my fault you leave those tasty shoe laces on the floor? Don't like it, get out the door.

3. No clothes or any other feminine stuff or we will get rough.
You're too old for dress up. If you want that, slip one past the goalie or get a pup.

4. Pink or feminie food bowls are not lofty goals.
You think I don't see you moving in on my food bin?

5. Leaving no room will bring doom.
You expect me to lie on the floor? Pfft I'll kick you out the door.

6. Closing the bedroom door when we want to explore.
You think I care about the humpty hump? I've already seen Pat's rump.

7. Thinking you need another one is not fun.
That is right you need no more! I'll mame any new cat brought to my shore.

8. Expect the look all over the nook.
No matter what you do, if it is interesting we will want to view.

9. Touch our litter and we'll get bitter.
None of your smelly crap in there or I will chew on your hair.

10. Our way goes even if we wish to bite your toes.
That is right. I rule day and night. Don't like it, take your ball and bat and scat.

So there you go. If you ever date a person with a cat at their show now you know how to make the cats hate for you grow or shrink. The choice is up to you whether or not you want to make things hit the brink. But if you do with me you will not find glee. Beware when you trespass of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

87 comments:

  1. biting the toes, that is kinda gross...how does pats OCD, go with that glee...and dont worry about your litter, it chaps my posterior and why did you have to bring pat's rump into this, my cats go outside during humpty hump bliss..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha well Pat's toes are clean
      So it doesn't make too much of a scene
      The litter needs to be left alone
      Or the cat will do more than groan
      Pat's rump is always there
      Friggin thing I see all the time in my lair
      LMAO you make them go outside
      Geez but I guess they are better off not seeing things umm collide haha
      And first and didn't brag one bit
      I guess you need more coffee for such a fit

      Delete
  2. My girlfriend's cat actually likes me

    most other cats I've met hate every stranger they see

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well that is good that your are in
      As that is certainly a win

      Delete
  3. I'll keep these in mind if I ever go to get a new feline friend or I meet a girl with a love for cats. If I can get the cat to like me, I'll be golden right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that's why you should carry Friskies in your pocket, Matt :)

      Delete
    2. Yeah you get in with the cat
      And you are golden for sure at her mat

      Friskies only works for some
      Others like chicken and actual cat food makes them glum

      Delete
    3. my cats just ate a bat today and left me the poor thing's head at the doorsteps :( Hope it wasn't Vlad Dracul or Batman?

      Delete
    4. Oh...hahaha...Dez...that beats the dead, wet, baby squirrel I had deposited on the carpet a few days ago. Eeew. If it was Dracula, you're cursed forever! Oh dear.

      Delete
    5. Blah to that
      Nasty to see at your doormat
      Those things are germy too
      And if it was batman shame on you..haha

      Delete
    6. it is still kinda there, I sure ain't picking it up with my hands :) And if it's Vlad, he might fly away tonight :)

      Delete
    7. Maybe they remove it for you
      Or it could fly away after sucking some blood turning u blue

      Delete
  4. oh la la, you've seen Pat's bum
    We females would all say yum!
    It seems you are a jealous little thing,
    Not wanting to share your date like some king.
    Who wants to touch your litter box?
    Think I just threw up my bagel and lox.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear Pat likes to build sand castles in cat's litter box :)

      Delete
    2. haha yes very very jealous I will say
      At least not a nervous nellie like the other cat at our bay
      The cat does not like to share
      And if ones comes all I do is glare

      Yeah sand castles are grand
      To build in my land

      Delete
    3. we would all say yum?
      oh, Elsie, that's just dumb.
      Don't feed his ego like that
      he's already a conceited Pat.
      hahaha.

      Sandcastles in the litter box.
      oh, that made me laugh a lot.

      Delete
    4. hahaha my ego likes to rise
      I don't put it in a disguise
      That is nice to say
      And I'll remember it at my bay..hahaha

      Delete
    5. Let's hope that's the only thing that "rises" =P

      Delete
    6. hahaha hmmm acting like Dez with your mind in the gutter
      But yeah things down there aren't all a flutter haha

      Delete
    7. you see how me can make Petsy laugh and Elsie follow me, while you is just playing in your litter box, cat :)

      Delete
    8. Yeah but i create art
      All from a fart

      Delete
  5. Ohh, cat! You just don't know the meaning behind the "eep"! Actually, I have insider information with proof that Patt "eeps" as well. It's an involuntary action.

    Great list! And using ME as a role model? Well, I'm flattered!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pfft Pat does no such thing
      You can't prove what so ever such a ring..haha
      And such eeping is just scary to the cat
      Makes us scurry away like some creepy rat
      And flattered you say
      Hmmm I'll have to correct that soon at my bay
      Bring back the hips
      To drop some lips hahaha

      Delete
    2. I called it a squeal at my mat the other day
      and Pat swore he'd never let such a sounds out at his bay.
      hahaha.

      Delete
    3. Yep never ever
      For that is such a bad endeavor

      Delete
    4. You lie!!!!!!!!!! You eeped at least once that I know of. There's no shame, Pat. Eep and be free :)

      Delete
    5. LOL no proof at all
      So you can't prove I lie at my hall

      Delete
  6. Methinks I'm the only one who hasn't seen Pat's rump...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha and you care about that?
      Pfft by thankful says the cat

      Delete
    2. well, 'tis the goal of my life to see the rump all hairy and plump :))

      Delete
    3. maybe hairy but not plump
      but that's only what I've heard about his rump.

      Delete
    4. LMAO that is your life goal?
      Hmmm well it's doable if you pay a mighty big toll hahaha

      Geez all this talk about Pat's rump
      Figures he would take all the attention, that chump..haha

      Delete
    5. you've heard stories about the rump, Petsy? I'm strangely amuzed, pray do tell us more :)

      To pay a toll? What are you, prostituting your own rump now? :P

      Delete
    6. Lol if it is a big enouhg toll
      I will prostitute it and hang from a pole

      Delete
    7. hm, I wonder whose pole, cat....

      Delete
    8. lol the dough
      Lets you know

      Delete
  7. No way would I touch the litter..
    Definitely no need to get bitter
    The litter is reserved for the ___________(Fill in the blanks!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fill in the blanks is hard work
      But surely can fill something in that would get a smirk

      Delete
  8. "No clothes or any other feminine stuff or we will get rough."

    So the feminine hygiene products are out, huh? Even if they're in pink bowls. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope none of that
      Or you will suffer the wrath of the cat

      Delete
  9. So what kind of manly cat
    would Cassie like to show up at her mat?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cassie would like none
      As she would too make them run
      She hates all as well
      So better off just being the two and keeping things swell

      Delete
    2. Whiskers is like that, too
      wanting nothing to do with the other crew.
      But Oreo and Grey
      try to be cute all day
      when their brothers are around
      then feminine charm does abound.
      lol.

      Delete
    3. Whiskers is like that, too
      wanting to ignore the whole crew.
      But Oreo and Grey turn on the charm like no other
      when they are around their brothers.

      Delete
    4. Go thing they are snip snip with the charm
      Or that could raise alarm
      As more would be found
      There at your mound

      Delete
    5. my own cat is a feline slut, probably takes after her master a bit :))

      Delete
    6. so true!
      now they can charm
      without setting off alarms
      Although nobody humpity humps anymore
      guess that thought went out the door!

      without a doubt, Dez, without a doubt. :)

      Delete
    7. Lol sure the thought is still there
      They are just unaware
      Yeah such a dirty place
      That gutter embrace

      Delete
  10. oh, I hate dressed up pets, too. Who does that, do you?
    I did it! :D

    (you're not using the cat's litter now, are you? ;o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha nope not using it
      That would cause an ocd fit
      And yeah you rhymed
      Which was well timed

      Delete
  11. A Cat generally is quite a friend
    Just need to stroke below its neck
    It'll purr and stretch to no end
    It'll then brush your legs or lie on its back
    It’s clean no wet tongues like a doggie
    Anytime it is for a kitty

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they act all grand
      Thinking they own the land
      With a simple rub and scratch
      As their plan decides to hatch

      Delete
  12. Great post from a cat's POV! They're always up to something. Thinking. Plotting. Waiting for the world-wide cat signal to act.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they always have something up their sleeve to make the humans have a fit
      And then they trot off like the dog did it..haha

      Delete
  13. I don't think all the wrath is the cat's. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pfft yeah it is the cat's
      It couldn't or wouldn't be Pat's haha

      Delete
  14. My son will be future hearthrob of all the women in the world, because he loves pink color. In his school, for all goody bags they reserve the pink bags for him first then for the girls. :)

    "You think I care about the humpty hump? I've already seen Pat's rump." - We had been asking for that smurf video for longtime, and still he hasnt obliged.

    Looks like cat is as powerful as those Egyptian cat deities. Pat with cat around, you have lot of trouble, unless your date loves to moon as well :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yeah I will have tons of trouble with them both
      As they don't like growth
      Like things to remain the same
      And things to remain tame
      Not that my rump is tame though
      And that video will never ever show..haha

      Delete
  15. I love the list and every tip
    now would you care for a little cat nip?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would work well
      As rolling around and eating that stuff the cat finds swell

      Delete
  16. This is so true--and hilarious! We have a cat and now I know how to drive my husband insane if he ever gets on my bad side lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL glad the cat could share such a thing
      So you can drive him insane at your wing

      Delete
  17. The man that spits with unique lyrics
    Can rap about a cat and has untouchable spirit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can rap about anything with ease
      Whatever one does please

      Delete
  18. Biting someone's toes isn't very nice...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But it chases them away
      And sure makes the cats day

      Delete
  19. My experience is oly with dogs:) but arent easy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they can be fun too
      As they eat their own poo haha

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    2. Tonto!!my dogs dont eat their poo:(

      Delete
    3. LOL maybe the do
      And they just hide it from you

      Delete
  20. Good standards cat, I'm sad that you have to explain to Pat that he shouldn't date someone that uses your litter tray, but he's just a human, what can you expect?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah hans can br so slow sometimes i suppose
      But when you have two legs i guess that is just how it goes

      Delete
  21. cats have always been super nice to me. Probably because i grew up with a few of them lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that is probably why
      They can tell if you are nice or want to make them fry

      Delete
  22. Quite a number of rules that the other cat would be wise to follow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes all would be wise
      Or suffer the wrath of umm flies

      Delete
  23. And this is why I'm a dog person. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pfft they just sniff butts and eat their poo
      Then slobber all over you

      Delete
  24. lol. Some practical advice here. 3, 9 and 10 are really good, and yeah, don't touch the litter, and I had to laugh, as Chloe will bite your hair if you let her. Fun list. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yep they all have their quirks
      Might not leave some with smirks

      Delete
  25. If I get drunk all summer, I won't remember anything!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Depending on what happens at your wing
      That could be a good thing

      Delete
  26. I once shared a house with six cats... they all wanted affection at the same time and even tried to sit on my head!! LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL wow that would be quite the task
      You'd have your own kitty mask

      Delete