Saturday, June 9, 2012

Things That Try To Go South In My Mouth!

Today thanks to the cat you will now know what not to eat at your mat. For I will tell you about each thing at my sea that has been tried by me.

Whether hungry or not,
The cat is hot to trot.
For he has to try it all.
That goes for anything at my hall.

The cat recently tried gum,
Spit it out like it was rum.
Then I had to lick my bum,
For that just made me glum.

Although rubber is so yummy,
Yet it upsets my tummy.
When I eat that,
It comes back up on the mat.

String of all kinds is great too,
Although it can keep me from going to the loo.
So Pat yells at me for that,
And keeps it hidden from the cat.

Flowers taste great,
In my tummy is their fate.
As well as bugs,
That hide under rugs.

But that you knew,
As we already had such a view.
Did you know the cat eats muffins too?
I steal them with berries so blue.

Up on the counter at that other place,
There is even bread to stuff my face.
Cords is more of a Miss Priss thing,
So I can't give those a ring.

Although toilet paper is the best,
You can use it to eat and make a nest.
Nails and tacks the cat eats too,
Stupid it is true.

But I just have to put them in my mouth,
Pat makes me spit them out so they don't head south.
Paperclips as well,
Plus all toys at our cell.

I chew the tails off first,
Then go quench my thirst.
Paper is also yummy,
I could easily unwrap a mummy.

Wooden corners taste nice,
Although splinters can splice.
Might hurt your tongue,
Or pop your lung.

So who needs food,
From that Pat dude?
For I can eat anything I please,
Although nails are probably worse than fleas.

Yes, the cat even puts sharp things in his mouth some days when he finds them in his gaze. So Pat has to be on his toes so I don't cause my own stomach woes. As bad as a dog you say? At least I don't sniff a butt every second of the day. I still very much like bass. I just have such a vast taste for everything that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

59 comments:

  1. Awesome rhymes, this is far from your worst. It's a big deal to some that I beat them here first. Pat Hatt's here at every time of the week and nobody's going call him a geek, Pat rocks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm someone is really sucking up to Pat
      What are you after from the cat?
      Maybe a new hat
      Or a nice juicy rat?

      Delete
  2. i am so glad my cat has not discovered TP, that would be a mess you see, though he will eat most anything, my older one used to eat lizard brains when we lives in florida, we would find their carcass where she capped their ass, literally see...

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    Replies
    1. Ewww to that
      Although must be a treat for the cat
      But lizard brains are so nasty to think about
      Would surely make my ocd shout haha

      Delete
  3. Yesterday one of my dogs ate a chunk right out of the middle of a dollar bill plus left two other pieces of it lying around. One has already attacked a belt. My iPod earphones were canine-ized. They regularly chew napkins with any hint of food remaining on them. Nothing on the floor is safe!! (At least they can't jump on high places like cats can!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I guess they want money too
      Although it should be used to chew
      Yeah thankfully at least they can't jump high
      Or lots more things would surely die

      Delete
  4. Your cat sounds like a handful!

    My Poppy is an outside cat, so although she has her bowl on her mat
    we don't see what else she eats, 'cause she's off on her feets,
    prowling and growling and walking and stalking
    and pouncing on things.
    We don't even see what she kills: we taught her there's no thrills
    in bringing back dead things or leaving their head-things
    lying around.
    But she's never scarfed down anything to make us frown:
    She's a very clever cat and she knows where it's at -
    what isn't food, and what she's not ... alloowed?
    to have.
    She eats food from her bowl - but only pieces that are whole,
    and gets tidbits from my plate, but she knows she has to wait
    till I finish my meal - that's our deal.
    And coffee: just a drop but she likes it a lot.
    Unless it's decaff.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I feed from the plate
      At any rate
      And coffee they have not tried
      But sure he'd lap it up with pride
      At least dead thing aren't brought around
      That would be nasty to have found
      And not eating deadly things is good too
      This cat doesn't seem to have a clue

      Delete
    2. How can you teach a cat not to bring home dead gifts?
      I would really like to know that trick!

      all my cats want to drink my coffee
      I have to guard it or they'll be sloppy
      lapping it up
      right from the cup!

      Delete
    3. We just never made a screaming fuss, especially when it was alive - they're teaching you to hunt when they do that, so if you get excited they think you're making an effort - and then chuck the cat out of the room and get rid of the victim out of her sight. Poppy's a clever cat, so she picked it up pretty quickly: we know she tries to hunt, but if she catches anything she eats it somewhere else.
      I taught her to keep her head out of cups too, just by a firm no and moving her away whenever she tried.

      Delete
    4. Wow you sure taught your cat some good manners indeed
      Mine has none at my feed
      Miss Priss, Cassie, does
      But the cat, Orlin, surely does not have such a buzz

      Delete
  5. Cat food doesn't taste good?
    Cat must avoid just any food!
    Sharp objects it must refrain
    Also human flesh and human brain
    It's outright risky if Cat is able
    To turn itself into a cannibal

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah a cannibal would be scary
      And they'd eat thing that were hairy
      Should stick to a berry
      Or some nasty fairy
      As they float around
      With some Supernatural type hound

      Delete
  6. That cat will eat anything, paperclips too? I don't know what it is with animals but they think everything is food. My dog will pretty much eat everything you named besides the paperclip, she likes plastic too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah I guess it must taste good or something like that
      As they will eat anything whether round or flat
      Weird to say the least
      Guess it is the weakness of the beast

      Delete
  7. This is why I don't have cats.
    :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But they just like to eat
      All as a treat..haha

      Delete
    2. Oh the good outweighs the bad
      more than a tad!

      Delete
    3. haha on most days
      Except when they jump on certain parts of you as you laze..haha

      Delete
  8. Anyway you can have a dog and called CAT I think is a good idea lol

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    Replies
    1. And dogs dont eat toilet paper Im sure I have three dogs;)

      Delete
    2. but they do eat what ends up on the toilet paper :)))

      Delete
    3. A dog called Cat
      Would be fun to Pat
      But might offend the poor dog
      And yes unlike cats they do eat things that look like a brown log

      Delete
    4. oh Dez you dont need to say that! Anyway MY dogs dont make that!

      Delete
    5. Yes, no poo eating by cats it is true
      they have standards better than the dogs do!
      lol.

      Delete
    6. Yeah dogs will take anything and eat it as a treat
      Things that aren't so neat
      Then barf it back up
      And go lick your coffee cup

      Delete
    7. My dog eats toilet paper, we have to leave the bathroom door closed.

      Delete
    8. See not just cats have a thing for the tp
      And at night it is eaten my the cat at my sea

      Delete
  9. I don't have pets so this is quite a fun read
    on what cats and pets eat, be careful of those nails
    as it can surely cause dismay and big bill from the vet ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I hide them and throw them away for the most part
      As they surely would plug up a fart
      And cause a lot of damage inside
      The dummy still tries to eat them with pride

      Delete
  10. "The cat is hot to trot.
    For he has to try it all.
    That goes for anything at my hall."

    hot, has to try it all? Really, cat, you is talking sex again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah just have that on the brain
      As you mind is always on the gutter train

      Delete
    2. well, what I can do, unlike you me was never snip snip :)

      Delete
    3. Not even going to answer that
      I'll remain a mind out of the gutter cat

      Delete
    4. Dez really knows how to pick lines from the post..he..he...

      Delete
    5. I do it randomly, since everybody, except the cat, knows that I never really read his posts :)

      Delete
    6. Yeah he tries
      And thinks I fall for his lies

      Random I bet
      You can't fool the pet

      Delete
  11. Eating some poo,
    Is that another thing cats do?
    Eating nails and paper clips?
    One day the cat's insides are going to rip!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope they don't eat poo
      But the rest he tries to
      Have to watch him
      For he is quite dim

      Delete
  12. hey...you can use toilet paper also to write love notes on it...just saying...smiles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just as long as you watch what you use
      But I won't go there and abuse..haha

      Delete
  13. My dog wouldn't flinch to eat gum

    she thinks all people treats are yum

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah anything with food
      No matter how crude
      Works with a dog
      And prob a hog

      Delete
  14. Hey, at least cat doesn't eat his own turds. My dog likes turd burgers. Absolutely disgusting!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah that is a plus
      And would surely give Pat's ocd a fuss

      Delete
  15. aw cute poem, i love cats so much. i cant understand why people dont like them ;__;

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some guy
      Now there is a name to use to spy..haha
      Yeah cats are grand
      But so are dogs at my land

      Delete
  16. Yeah... This reminds me of my ferret. That guy would eat nearly anything.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha animals seem to do that
      From dog to ferret to cat

      Delete
  17. So how often do you get a tummy ache, cat? That's a lot of things to put in your poor gut!! Rubber? Toilet Paper? Paper clips?? String?? I'd hate to see a scanning of your insides!!! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow you were up late
      Guess that is just your fate
      And yeah a scanning of the cat's tummy
      Would look less than gummy
      Some sharp things here and there
      As he downs everything at our lair

      Delete
  18. Uck. Sometime, I can't believe I let me cat sleep with me after seeing what gifts she thinks I'd like. Under the bed, in my shoes, the middle of the rug . .

    .......dhole

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah but they clean themselves up at least
      As they lie to be a clean furry beast

      Delete
  19. Pat - I think you would make a fine nanny, babysitter or daddy for that matter if you could handle all this cat's pickup and putitin mouth act.

    Reminds me of my youngest twin son, there was a time around when he was 6 months old, I couldnt put him down at all to crawl, he would make a fine vaccum cleaner, he will pick up the leftover pieces after vaccum and pickup even the tiniest pieces and eat it.

    And lastweek, got call from daycare that my eldest twin swallowed a woodchip - I rushed and asked him, he said it was round and small. People may think that I dont feed him enough or I am starving my kid.

    The same boy -when I serve him food, would call his dad or anyone he can and complain that I am trying to kill him with chicken and food.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did the babysitter thing for a long time
      And with the cat's eating chime
      I guess both just prepare me for one day
      If kids come my way
      First have to stop being picky though
      With the seinfeld syndrome at my show hahaha

      Wow really likes the "not" food stuff
      Imagine that would get you in a huff
      How can you kill anyone with chicken though?
      That is the best thing to eat at Pat's show

      Delete
    2. hahaha. yeah, I should take print out of your last two lines and paste it on our fridge.
      You dont have to compromise or give up your identity as long as you could find the right lady with same qualities, in reality Sienfield married a lady after her return from honeymoon from her then husband rite?
      My journey from OCD wasnt easy, almost drove me crazy and was angry and mad alltime. Even today I cant tolerate something but happy to have my husband to tolerate my quirkiness and for that I can give up something.

      Delete
    3. Yeah I will search
      And surely find one at my perch
      Or at least have some fun doing so
      And let much of my ocd go
      So we shall see
      What comes up at bush number three

      Delete
  20. yeah, have to watch what the animals eat, that is for sure, for what know is dangerous to eat, they think of them as a treat. My sister's pitbull, is not the smartest bulb on the doggie block, he eats rocks of all size, and then chokes, has cost my sister quite the cash, having to take him to the vet for an emergency flash. while my dogs, as much as they eat, I have to admit poo is probably the worst thing they can chew, they just love it though, especially when it's been buried beneath the snow

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL poo beneath the snow
      Must have an icy flow
      And yeah the vet bills can surely rise
      As they are so unwise
      Just have to keep a good eye on them I guess
      So they don't get into such a mess

      Delete