Another dVerse I missed way back when I was doing other things at my den. But it at least doesn't make me think, not that I ever do much of that at my rink, and gives me an idea with ease letting me pick at my fleas. But it is one of my most HATED things ever! Especially because it makes people not so clever. I'd rather gauge my eyes out with Irish Air's grapefruit spoon or get frisky with a raccoon. If only I wasn't snip snip. Anyway, off for a vampire trip.
I want to suck,
And push my luck.
Also getting a hump,
Feeling up your rump.
While I suck you dry,
For I'm a dead guy.
Or girl at that,
Oh the dismay you cause the cat.
Let's scream at the dead,
Yet let them chew on our pretty little head.
Which is full of nothing but air,
Although it always was to be fair.
Maybe the vampire blew,
As his sucking came due,
Putting more air up there,
Creating a Twlight affair.
Sickening to think,
About screwing something that must stink.
I mean dead for 10,000 years,
Surely would give my ocd fears.
So throw them in the light,
Stab them at night.
Stick a fork in their eye,
And make them die.
Wait! They are already dead,
So chop off their damn head.
Then stomp on it for good measure.
That brings more pleasure.
Than some yum yum snack food bar.
Run them down with your car.
Instead of becoming a cow,
For a dead thing to make into chow.
But oh no!
They make you glow.
Blood is so good.
Drink it all we should.
Get an STD,
Without the glee.
Just suck back some blood,
And roll in the mud.
Or would that be hay?
Guess it depends on the time of day.
Stupid air heads ruining it for all,
Letting such Twilight shit fall.
And that is just what it is,
One big shitty biz.
As technically they are eating what comes out of you.
So they are the equivalent of a toilet sucking away your poo.
How is that for an image to think about?
As vampires are like a trout.
Swimming around in people poo,
While they chow down on you.
Not so romantic now,
Is it you tasty cow?
But oh no one still will pay,
For such a God awful display.
Where the exact same thing happens every time,
And they think it is so sublime.
Meanwhile the cat will go eat a dove,
As you enjoy rolling in poo, getting STD's and being a cow with your vampire love.
Is that enough hate for one day? I hope I caused all vampires dismay. Suck sicko things anyway and the humans are nutcases on display. Poor me, I'm all broken up over a dead guy or girl or maybe both. But you know all you have to do is head south. There is a graveyard there with tons of dead. So if you have heart ache over your dead thing don't worry your pretty little head. For many more are under the grass and yes I am crass but it is deserving of any vampire loving lad or lass at least in the opinion of my little rhyming ass.
Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.
errr....loving on the dead, what is up with your head...necrofilia is gross, coast to coast, even if the dead aint dead, but undead their skin still sheds in sloughs as it falls off or as they nibble your neck, what the heck
ReplyDeleteYep big time gross in every way
DeleteAnd such a nasty display
Nibble on my neck
And I'll throw them from a deck
Let them sink in the ocean
For such a blah motion
victory lap
ReplyDeletefirst aint crap
Ahhh but did first take a crap
DeleteBefore his victory lap?
methinks we need to put Brian on some pink pills, he's awfully ecstatic every time he gets here first :)
DeleteIt does not take much to please
DeleteMaybe he's jittery because he caught some fleas
yep, fleas is what you get when you join the cat instead of joining the Alliance. He must be into SM if he likes it :)
DeleteThe gawker has yet to pick a side
DeleteHe likes to watch the ride
Eating what comes out of you...gross Pat
ReplyDeleteBut movies/tv series with Vampire themes are top sellers
It is fascinating and chilling entertainment
For me though, I would rather watch funny and romantic stuff~
Happy Tuesday ~
Yeah I would much rather shoot myself in the foot
DeleteThen watch dead things roll around in soot
Gross it was too
But they are just eww
I love this one, like the idea of screwing something already dead, hehe..vampires are the new sexy and they are out on the openlinknight.
ReplyDeleteYeah like screwing something that is already dead????
DeleteHmmm I will have to wash that thought from my head hahahaha
Too bad you didn't write this before Bella and Edward got married. You could have given it with her bridal shower gift. :D
ReplyDeleteI'll pretend I have no idea what that reference is
DeleteThat Twilight biz haha
That was "the comment of the day". Good one Stina
DeletePfft no way
DeleteAnything with twilight is a nasty display
This gets me off tangent
ReplyDeleteCan be all that pungent
What are we getting at
Necrofilia? What a sweat!
Would rather not flip
Gives me the creeps
Hank
Yep the creeps indeed
DeleteOf those who want you to bleed
And suck you dry
As they should just fully die
Need to get Buffy to end them I say
And cause them dismay
I can't believe I'm going to say this but...I agree with you cat - the Twilight series is shit! I was forced to sit through it last night *barf*
ReplyDeletehahahaha you had to sit through that?
DeleteOh I'd rather play with a germy rat
your poor one eye
Must have really wanted to fry
And yep complete shit
Deserves to be buried in some pit
somebody needs to pay for your suffering, Elsie, let us burn cat's tail for fun! :)
DeletePfft you light a match near the cat's ass
DeleteAnd you may be a fried lad and lass
Elsie, you have tween daughter, twilight is tweenlight. Both Justin Bieber concert and then twilight both crappy craps have these tween girls everywhere in braces, screaming ooohh, yeaa, yeahh.
DeleteSome adults too love it, what to say?
All a bunch of crap
DeleteThat needs to take a dirt nap
I bet if we tried to burn that cat he'd turn on us and scratch us with it's razor sharp claws, Dezzy - he's so very evil!!
DeleteI know, MaMTC, my tween wanted to watch the blasted thing and it finally went on sale so dad picked it up for her...totally stupid movie! I can't understand the fascination with it. The acting in it is terrible.
Pfft I'd just want for the flame
DeleteThen play the gas game
Let out a fart
And burn you in some part
the cat threat is taken seriously, he really could release gas and blow us all, ELsie. We need to burn his whiskers instead :) And you know that cats cannot find balance when they have no whiskers :) Imagine him walking all tipsy and shaky!
DeleteI think you have come up with a brilliant plan, Dezzy! But can't we pluck those whiskers one by one?
DeletePfft i will just release the breath of me
DeleteAnd all will flee
we shall bring some of Annzie's fire water to spray your breath, cat!
DeletePfft have to find Irish Hair first
DeleteShe is hidden away and is not around to give any burst
"I want to suck,
ReplyDeleteAnd push my luck.
Also getting a hump,
Feeling up your rump."
that was just pure porn, cat, but I kinda always knew you like to talk dirty in bed....
The cat isn't above dirty
DeleteIt comes after flirty
It comes after flirty
Deleteand my mind goes right into the gutter....
haha that is where it was supposed to go
DeleteWith this flow
you'd get a punch in the groin in any bar for such flirting, cat :) Not that I'd mind it myself :)
DeleteWell being snip snip
DeleteIt does not hurt much as there is nothing to grip
Spare me from that vampire stuff
ReplyDeleteI'd rather watch a movie full of fluff!
LOL oh getting into the porn are you?
DeleteI never knew
Ewww.
ReplyDeleteThis did not go well with my morning brew.
Off rhyme..this actually reminds me of a mortician that was arrested and put in jail after it was proven that he was having sex with the corpses before embalming them. This was decades ago...so gross. What a sicko!
haha at least you didn't need to spit
DeleteOver some laughing fit
That is a nasty story
Doing things with dead people in all their glory
Is just so nasty in every way
Deserves to be locked away forever for such a display
Hate to know how he got caught though
That would be a sight that would from ones mind never go
I was only a teenager at the time
Deleteso I don't remember the details of that rhyme.
Just remember how utterly gross he must have been
to get his jollies from dead men and women.
Yes, how he got caught would be a story in itself
poor person is probably still getting counselling and help!
He went for the men too?
DeleteWow I guess he really had a lose screw
Hopefully he hasn't been released on the street
And out once more searching for a dead treat
oh, lord, I don't know why I even read the above comments, but I kinda wish I didn't :)
DeleteMaybe he's working in Nova Scotia
Deletesince he couldn't get relicensed here, dontcha know.
Sorry Dez.
Did we hurt your head?
If you had read the post
if would have made more sense, of course.
Lol if he is here
DeleteI hope he is not near
Then again as long as i am not dead
He should not cause me dread haha
Dez got a thought
That now will make him suffer brain rot
just another reason to have that fountain of youth
Deleteno way I'm dying when that happened to someone's aunt ruth!
lol.
haha yes find that damn fountain soon
DeleteSo I can use it to heal up this rhyming loon
Wow, this was one disturbing rhyme time... I loved it!
ReplyDeletePornographic and disgusting, two things that go creepily together!
LOL glad you love the nasty stuff
DeleteAs I brought it out for this dumb vampire fluff
Gone are the days when Vampires used to burn in sunlight and humans threw holywater on them and they were bloodthirsty, nowadays they are glowing in sunlight and human race is burning in rage and no water can quench that and vampy are vegans.
ReplyDeleteNever though vampires as Necromaniacs, but you called it right and makes sense.
But between zombies and vampies I may need to go with Vampires.
I put a post about it.
http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com/2011/11/vampires-vs-zombies.html
http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com/2011/11/vampires-vs-zombies.html
Pffft Zombies win with ease
DeleteI'd even take fleas
Over such vampire douchebag crap
And all their stinkin sap
Thanks for writing this vampire literary porn.... I think you should call this poem 50 shades of vampire!
ReplyDeleteLOL hey maybe I could sell a ton
DeleteAnd watch the money run
bood, vampires? want to suck? omy cat! what are thinking now?? LOL
ReplyDeleteLOL thinking this crap should end
DeleteVampires are an awful trend
Yes but a lot of people love them:(
Deleteand the merchandise you know, they make a lot of money with vampires
Yeah all about the greed
DeleteAs they make lovey dovey and necks bleed
I bet Gloria bought herself some of that merchandise :) she has plastic vampire teeth in her bedtable to leave love bites to her hubs :)
Deletewell, she is under the dirt, you know!
DeleteLol and loving it
DeleteI better check to see if i was bit
OH...so that's what has been wrong with your neck! LMAO!!!!!!
DeleteLol figures a vampire bit it
DeleteGlad i left her in the dirt with my gawker hit
can't believe you didn't figure that out before
Deleteno physio for you...you need a sorcerer!
he needs Pope to exorcise him :)
DeleteWell at the moment I'd take just about whatever
DeleteIf they could work in their endeavor
And get rid of this crap
That is an energy zap
And I thought air from one's ass
ReplyDeletewas blogging a bit crass,
but here are you
rhyming about sucking poo
Hilarious!
LOL yeah farting from you
DeleteAnd from me the poo
I guess one comes before the other though
So together they flow
Have to agree, vampires use to be alright before Twilight came around.
ReplyDeleteYeah Twilight ruined it all
DeleteNow they are barf worthy at every hall
LOL Twilight and the Walking Dead have a LOT to answer for!
ReplyDeleteA fork in the eye... chop their heads off and them stamp on them for good measure... OMgoodness. I just read Buddha Mosk and his was about coyotes killing their prey... All so much blood and guts, now it's time for tea!~! LOL Darn, you made me rhyme again!!!
All the killing
DeleteWill make the tea more thrilling haha
do you think there are vampire cats as well out there... just a thought..smiles.. i'm glad i'm not a vampire...i would be afraid of you..smiles
ReplyDeleteYou never know
DeleteA cat could show
And yes if you were one
The cat would throw you in the sun haha
I will never look at vampires the same way again! Some scary rhyming! Julie
ReplyDeleteHahaha that is good
DeleteMarket it i should
Get rid of that crap
Making them take a big dirt nap
Oh, poor poor vampire, getting so much flack here at your shack, but I don't think you have to worry about the hate mail, for they'll still be sleeping for many more hours now, and to be safe from a vampire, all you have to do is write in some obscure remedy, like vampires fear cat poo, and then, all you have to do, is leave a couple in the box, and boom, no vampires will the accost..sure, not quite like it is in the books or in the film, but they change all the lore from he to there, so why not come up with your own, to what they can be often scared, and if it doesn't work, well, you'd probably be caught in fright, just by the site of a vamp in your pen, and not the poser trendy type who can't seem to understand they're humans…yet I think those of us that own cats are safer than the rest, for most likely a vampire would come in through an open window, and sure, you can say, just keep it closed, but lets say you kept it open and the bat flies in your room, now I can only speak for my own, but I do believe the bat would get pounced on in the air, but that raises the important question, If a cat kills a vampire, will it become one too--hmm
ReplyDeleteThe undertones in this piece are great as well, well, I guess its more than an undertone, but fun still
Lol yeah it is some hate
DeleteToday at my gate
Interesting with the poo
And yeah they would kill it upon view
Not sure if they would become one
But they would maul it a ton
Pat..what are you thinking tonight ;)
ReplyDeleteHmmm do i ever think
DeleteMaybe in betwewn a blink haha
Oh well that's my romantic image gone out of the window :)) - almost smell the wrenching stench of this Pat - choking - *coughing* - no not their coffin :)) - but fear not! just in case I'm sending over a bunch of garlic Pat - hgs Lib
ReplyDeleteGood the romance should be gone
DeleteNo rolling with dead things in the lawn haha
was that you singing in the cat vid clip Pat - trained him well knocking through the assault course :))
ReplyDeleteLol i had a trick to make him go through
DeleteAnd nope not me singing on cue
My favorite vampire hunters were Castlevania's Belmonts with their whips
ReplyDeletehitting Dracula hard enough to make him throw up his chips
Yeah good for him too
DeleteToo much crap with him has come due
Omg, who knew that rolling poo was so dangerous!! Ew, ew, ew!! Keep the e-coli away!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThat is what you get from a vampire
DeleteThings get dire
Vampires, zombies, and poo. What a great combination!
ReplyDeleteWell the first has to go
DeleteThe other two can show
Get an STD,
ReplyDeleteWithout the glee.
Just suck back some blood,
And roll in the mud.
at this point
i split a rib
and wet my pants
washing away
the ants
GO PAT!!! :D
LOL I hope the ants did not bite
DeleteThat too would be a fright
I don't like vampires or bats. However, if they suck my blood, they will probably die afterwards. So yeah...
ReplyDeleteLOL well one way to get rid of those stupid things
DeleteLet your blood clip their wings
immortality would mess with ocd? I'm confused.
ReplyDeleteSee one big confusing mess
DeleteBe so much better if the world was vampire less
loving dead.. living dead..
ReplyDeletebot ain't good :P
The dead
DeleteNeed to stay dead so off with their head
Oh. My. God!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant!
This is one of m favorites of yours -- so completely inapprpropriate!
I love it!
Now... be careful out there, I hear those zombies have some of the worst STDs around.
this is probably the most disturbing, inappropriate one you've ever written. that's cool!!!
ReplyDeletedone for
I'm glad I'm not on your bad side.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you'd really chap my hide!
:P