Tuesday, June 26, 2012

This dVerse Will Suck With Any Luck!

Another dVerse I missed way back when I was doing other things at my den. But it at least doesn't make me think, not that I ever do much of that at my rink, and gives me an idea with ease letting me pick at my fleas. But it is one of my most HATED things ever! Especially because it makes people not so clever. I'd rather gauge my eyes out with Irish Air's grapefruit spoon or get frisky with a raccoon. If only I wasn't snip snip. Anyway, off for a vampire trip.

I want to suck,
And push my luck.
Also getting a hump,
Feeling up your rump.

While I suck you dry,
For I'm a dead guy.
Or girl at that,
Oh the dismay you cause the cat.

Let's scream at the dead,
Yet let them chew on our pretty little head.
Which is full of nothing but air,
Although it always was to be fair.

Maybe the vampire blew,
As his sucking came due,
Putting more air up there,
Creating a Twlight affair.

Sickening to think,
About screwing something that must stink.
I mean dead for 10,000 years,
Surely would give my ocd fears.

So throw them in the light,
Stab them at night.
Stick a fork in their eye,
And make them die.

Wait! They are already dead,
So chop off their damn head.
Then stomp on it for good measure.
That brings more pleasure.

Than some yum yum snack food bar.
Run them down with your car.
Instead of becoming a cow,
For a dead thing to make into chow.

But oh no!
They make you glow.
Blood is so good.
Drink it all we should.

Get an STD,
Without the glee.
Just suck back some blood,
And roll in the mud.

Or would that be hay?
Guess it depends on the time of day.
Stupid air heads ruining it for all,
Letting such Twilight shit fall.

And that is just what it is,
One big shitty biz.
As technically they are eating what comes out of you.
So they are the equivalent of a toilet sucking away your poo.

How is that for an image to think about?
As vampires are like a trout.
Swimming around in people poo,
While they chow down on you.

Not so romantic now,
Is it you tasty cow?
But oh no one still will pay,
For such a God awful display.

Where the exact same thing happens every time,
And they think it is so sublime.
Meanwhile the cat will go eat a dove,
As you enjoy rolling in poo, getting STD's and being a cow with your vampire love.

Is that enough hate for one day? I hope I caused all vampires dismay. Suck sicko things anyway and the humans are nutcases on display. Poor me, I'm all broken up over a dead guy or girl or maybe both. But you know all you have to do is head south. There is a graveyard there with tons of dead. So if you have heart ache over your dead thing don't worry your pretty little head. For many more are under the grass and yes I am crass but it is deserving of any vampire loving lad or lass at least in the opinion of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

101 comments:

  1. errr....loving on the dead, what is up with your head...necrofilia is gross, coast to coast, even if the dead aint dead, but undead their skin still sheds in sloughs as it falls off or as they nibble your neck, what the heck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep big time gross in every way
      And such a nasty display
      Nibble on my neck
      And I'll throw them from a deck
      Let them sink in the ocean
      For such a blah motion

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Ahhh but did first take a crap
      Before his victory lap?

      Delete
    2. methinks we need to put Brian on some pink pills, he's awfully ecstatic every time he gets here first :)

      Delete
    3. It does not take much to please
      Maybe he's jittery because he caught some fleas

      Delete
    4. yep, fleas is what you get when you join the cat instead of joining the Alliance. He must be into SM if he likes it :)

      Delete
    5. The gawker has yet to pick a side
      He likes to watch the ride

      Delete
  3. Eating what comes out of you...gross Pat
    But movies/tv series with Vampire themes are top sellers
    It is fascinating and chilling entertainment
    For me though, I would rather watch funny and romantic stuff~

    Happy Tuesday ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I would much rather shoot myself in the foot
      Then watch dead things roll around in soot
      Gross it was too
      But they are just eww

      Delete
  4. I love this one, like the idea of screwing something already dead, hehe..vampires are the new sexy and they are out on the openlinknight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah like screwing something that is already dead????
      Hmmm I will have to wash that thought from my head hahahaha

      Delete
  5. Too bad you didn't write this before Bella and Edward got married. You could have given it with her bridal shower gift. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll pretend I have no idea what that reference is
      That Twilight biz haha

      Delete
    2. That was "the comment of the day". Good one Stina

      Delete
    3. Pfft no way
      Anything with twilight is a nasty display

      Delete
  6. This gets me off tangent
    Can be all that pungent
    What are we getting at
    Necrofilia? What a sweat!
    Would rather not flip
    Gives me the creeps

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep the creeps indeed
      Of those who want you to bleed
      And suck you dry
      As they should just fully die
      Need to get Buffy to end them I say
      And cause them dismay

      Delete
  7. I can't believe I'm going to say this but...I agree with you cat - the Twilight series is shit! I was forced to sit through it last night *barf*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaha you had to sit through that?
      Oh I'd rather play with a germy rat
      your poor one eye
      Must have really wanted to fry
      And yep complete shit
      Deserves to be buried in some pit

      Delete
    2. somebody needs to pay for your suffering, Elsie, let us burn cat's tail for fun! :)

      Delete
    3. Pfft you light a match near the cat's ass
      And you may be a fried lad and lass

      Delete
    4. Elsie, you have tween daughter, twilight is tweenlight. Both Justin Bieber concert and then twilight both crappy craps have these tween girls everywhere in braces, screaming ooohh, yeaa, yeahh.

      Some adults too love it, what to say?

      Delete
    5. All a bunch of crap
      That needs to take a dirt nap

      Delete
    6. I bet if we tried to burn that cat he'd turn on us and scratch us with it's razor sharp claws, Dezzy - he's so very evil!!

      I know, MaMTC, my tween wanted to watch the blasted thing and it finally went on sale so dad picked it up for her...totally stupid movie! I can't understand the fascination with it. The acting in it is terrible.

      Delete
    7. Pfft I'd just want for the flame
      Then play the gas game
      Let out a fart
      And burn you in some part

      Delete
    8. the cat threat is taken seriously, he really could release gas and blow us all, ELsie. We need to burn his whiskers instead :) And you know that cats cannot find balance when they have no whiskers :) Imagine him walking all tipsy and shaky!

      Delete
    9. I think you have come up with a brilliant plan, Dezzy! But can't we pluck those whiskers one by one?

      Delete
    10. Pfft i will just release the breath of me
      And all will flee

      Delete
    11. we shall bring some of Annzie's fire water to spray your breath, cat!

      Delete
    12. Pfft have to find Irish Hair first
      She is hidden away and is not around to give any burst

      Delete
  8. "I want to suck,
    And push my luck.
    Also getting a hump,
    Feeling up your rump."
    that was just pure porn, cat, but I kinda always knew you like to talk dirty in bed....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cat isn't above dirty
      It comes after flirty

      Delete
    2. It comes after flirty

      and my mind goes right into the gutter....

      Delete
    3. haha that is where it was supposed to go
      With this flow

      Delete
    4. you'd get a punch in the groin in any bar for such flirting, cat :) Not that I'd mind it myself :)

      Delete
    5. Well being snip snip
      It does not hurt much as there is nothing to grip

      Delete
  9. Spare me from that vampire stuff
    I'd rather watch a movie full of fluff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL oh getting into the porn are you?
      I never knew

      Delete
  10. Ewww.
    This did not go well with my morning brew.

    Off rhyme..this actually reminds me of a mortician that was arrested and put in jail after it was proven that he was having sex with the corpses before embalming them. This was decades ago...so gross. What a sicko!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha at least you didn't need to spit
      Over some laughing fit
      That is a nasty story
      Doing things with dead people in all their glory
      Is just so nasty in every way
      Deserves to be locked away forever for such a display
      Hate to know how he got caught though
      That would be a sight that would from ones mind never go

      Delete
    2. I was only a teenager at the time
      so I don't remember the details of that rhyme.
      Just remember how utterly gross he must have been
      to get his jollies from dead men and women.
      Yes, how he got caught would be a story in itself
      poor person is probably still getting counselling and help!

      Delete
    3. He went for the men too?
      Wow I guess he really had a lose screw
      Hopefully he hasn't been released on the street
      And out once more searching for a dead treat

      Delete
    4. oh, lord, I don't know why I even read the above comments, but I kinda wish I didn't :)

      Delete
    5. Maybe he's working in Nova Scotia
      since he couldn't get relicensed here, dontcha know.

      Sorry Dez.
      Did we hurt your head?
      If you had read the post
      if would have made more sense, of course.

      Delete
    6. Lol if he is here
      I hope he is not near
      Then again as long as i am not dead
      He should not cause me dread haha

      Dez got a thought
      That now will make him suffer brain rot

      Delete
    7. just another reason to have that fountain of youth
      no way I'm dying when that happened to someone's aunt ruth!
      lol.

      Delete
    8. haha yes find that damn fountain soon
      So I can use it to heal up this rhyming loon

      Delete
  11. Wow, this was one disturbing rhyme time... I loved it!

    Pornographic and disgusting, two things that go creepily together!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL glad you love the nasty stuff
      As I brought it out for this dumb vampire fluff

      Delete
  12. Gone are the days when Vampires used to burn in sunlight and humans threw holywater on them and they were bloodthirsty, nowadays they are glowing in sunlight and human race is burning in rage and no water can quench that and vampy are vegans.

    Never though vampires as Necromaniacs, but you called it right and makes sense.

    But between zombies and vampies I may need to go with Vampires.

    I put a post about it.
    http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com/2011/11/vampires-vs-zombies.html

    http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com/2011/11/vampires-vs-zombies.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pffft Zombies win with ease
      I'd even take fleas
      Over such vampire douchebag crap
      And all their stinkin sap

      Delete
  13. Thanks for writing this vampire literary porn.... I think you should call this poem 50 shades of vampire!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL hey maybe I could sell a ton
      And watch the money run

      Delete
  14. bood, vampires? want to suck? omy cat! what are thinking now?? LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL thinking this crap should end
      Vampires are an awful trend

      Delete
    2. Yes but a lot of people love them:(
      and the merchandise you know, they make a lot of money with vampires

      Delete
    3. Yeah all about the greed
      As they make lovey dovey and necks bleed

      Delete
    4. I bet Gloria bought herself some of that merchandise :) she has plastic vampire teeth in her bedtable to leave love bites to her hubs :)

      Delete
    5. well, she is under the dirt, you know!

      Delete
    6. Lol and loving it
      I better check to see if i was bit

      Delete
    7. OH...so that's what has been wrong with your neck! LMAO!!!!!!

      Delete
    8. Lol figures a vampire bit it
      Glad i left her in the dirt with my gawker hit

      Delete
    9. can't believe you didn't figure that out before
      no physio for you...you need a sorcerer!

      Delete
    10. he needs Pope to exorcise him :)

      Delete
    11. Well at the moment I'd take just about whatever
      If they could work in their endeavor
      And get rid of this crap
      That is an energy zap

      Delete
  15. And I thought air from one's ass
    was blogging a bit crass,
    but here are you
    rhyming about sucking poo

    Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yeah farting from you
      And from me the poo
      I guess one comes before the other though
      So together they flow

      Delete
  16. Have to agree, vampires use to be alright before Twilight came around.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah Twilight ruined it all
      Now they are barf worthy at every hall

      Delete
  17. LOL Twilight and the Walking Dead have a LOT to answer for!
    A fork in the eye... chop their heads off and them stamp on them for good measure... OMgoodness. I just read Buddha Mosk and his was about coyotes killing their prey... All so much blood and guts, now it's time for tea!~! LOL Darn, you made me rhyme again!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All the killing
      Will make the tea more thrilling haha

      Delete
  18. do you think there are vampire cats as well out there... just a thought..smiles.. i'm glad i'm not a vampire...i would be afraid of you..smiles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You never know
      A cat could show
      And yes if you were one
      The cat would throw you in the sun haha

      Delete
  19. I will never look at vampires the same way again! Some scary rhyming! Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha that is good
      Market it i should
      Get rid of that crap
      Making them take a big dirt nap

      Delete
  20. Oh, poor poor vampire, getting so much flack here at your shack, but I don't think you have to worry about the hate mail, for they'll still be sleeping for many more hours now, and to be safe from a vampire, all you have to do is write in some obscure remedy, like vampires fear cat poo, and then, all you have to do, is leave a couple in the box, and boom, no vampires will the accost..sure, not quite like it is in the books or in the film, but they change all the lore from he to there, so why not come up with your own, to what they can be often scared, and if it doesn't work, well, you'd probably be caught in fright, just by the site of a vamp in your pen, and not the poser trendy type who can't seem to understand they're humans…yet I think those of us that own cats are safer than the rest, for most likely a vampire would come in through an open window, and sure, you can say, just keep it closed, but lets say you kept it open and the bat flies in your room, now I can only speak for my own, but I do believe the bat would get pounced on in the air, but that raises the important question, If a cat kills a vampire, will it become one too--hmm

    The undertones in this piece are great as well, well, I guess its more than an undertone, but fun still

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol yeah it is some hate
      Today at my gate
      Interesting with the poo
      And yeah they would kill it upon view
      Not sure if they would become one
      But they would maul it a ton

      Delete
  21. Pat..what are you thinking tonight ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm do i ever think
      Maybe in betwewn a blink haha

      Delete
  22. Oh well that's my romantic image gone out of the window :)) - almost smell the wrenching stench of this Pat - choking - *coughing* - no not their coffin :)) - but fear not! just in case I'm sending over a bunch of garlic Pat - hgs Lib

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good the romance should be gone
      No rolling with dead things in the lawn haha

      Delete
  23. was that you singing in the cat vid clip Pat - trained him well knocking through the assault course :))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol i had a trick to make him go through
      And nope not me singing on cue

      Delete
  24. My favorite vampire hunters were Castlevania's Belmonts with their whips

    hitting Dracula hard enough to make him throw up his chips

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah good for him too
      Too much crap with him has come due

      Delete
  25. Omg, who knew that rolling poo was so dangerous!! Ew, ew, ew!! Keep the e-coli away!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is what you get from a vampire
      Things get dire

      Delete
  26. Vampires, zombies, and poo. What a great combination!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well the first has to go
      The other two can show

      Delete
  27. Get an STD,
    Without the glee.
    Just suck back some blood,
    And roll in the mud.

    at this point
    i split a rib
    and wet my pants
    washing away
    the ants

    GO PAT!!! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL I hope the ants did not bite
      That too would be a fright

      Delete
  28. I don't like vampires or bats. However, if they suck my blood, they will probably die afterwards. So yeah...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL well one way to get rid of those stupid things
      Let your blood clip their wings

      Delete
  29. immortality would mess with ocd? I'm confused.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See one big confusing mess
      Be so much better if the world was vampire less

      Delete
  30. loving dead.. living dead..
    bot ain't good :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The dead
      Need to stay dead so off with their head

      Delete
  31. Oh. My. God!
    Brilliant!
    This is one of m favorites of yours -- so completely inapprpropriate!
    I love it!
    Now... be careful out there, I hear those zombies have some of the worst STDs around.

    ReplyDelete
  32. this is probably the most disturbing, inappropriate one you've ever written. that's cool!!!


    done for

    ReplyDelete
  33. I'm glad I'm not on your bad side.
    Sounds like you'd really chap my hide!

    :P

    ReplyDelete