The cat was out and about on this warm day and I decided to go to the beach for a stay. Of course it turned into quite the affair and I got sand in my hair. That is quite the pain to get out but I also caught a trout. It was quite easy when you have a paw, just use the claw. I was chowing down at the shore and along came some couple who decided to preach to me forever more. I guess they thought I was mean to the poor fish and rude for not eating it from a dish.
"Turn to the light my child. This is not path you must take. Join us and learn the power of the Written Mitten."
They did not like the smile I gave as they continued to rant and rave. Did they know how stupid a cult name that was? Can one even write with mittens and all their fuzz? I suppose they can indeed, maybe that is why these nuts believed and were making my ears bleed.
"The Written Mitten bylaw 50.2 dash 675 states you must never harm a fish without first asking its permission. You will go to hell for what you just did. Repent and give money to The Written Mitten. We will save your soul."
Hmm so these clowns wanted me to talk to fish before I made it into a tasty dish? What do you say to one who swims in their own poo? How do you do, I want to eat you? Once more it seems nuts have found me that have a loose screw at my sea. But they got the money part right. Giving oh so much money would make everything write. Isn't it funny how that seems to work? So I tossed them a loonie with a smirk.
"This will not suffice. If your cause is just you must save your soul through giving. The Written Mitten bylaw 400.32 dash 543 states that one should live without and give to all."
Wow that must be one long ass book. I bet it would take weeks to read at any nook. They were impressive to have read it all. Maybe I should sell all at my hall. Pfft right! And I'll let aliens probe me tonight. I also don't think they got the loonie point I was trying to make. Maybe I should save all the trouble and drown them in a nearby lake? But then my cause might be even worse and I might need to give them a toonie to lift the curse. And if you live without yet give it all away, doesn't that mean another is breaking the bylaw by living with at their bay? Hmm tricky these Written Mitten weirdos were so I began to purr.
"See that is the spirit my friend. Give and you will recieve plenty in return. The Written Mitten has tons in store for you. The more you give the more levels you will increase within and save your earthly soul."
They wanted me to give and give some more and after all I was at the shore. So I decided to give them all I had and of course their knowledge of cats seemed bad. For when I dug a hole in the beach they continued to preach and thought I was un-burying my treasure, as they gave a look of pleasure. But that quickly turned to disgust as I went bust. Gave them everything inside me and trotted off with glee. Now the Written Mitten has deprieved a poor Pringle can and damned my soul but at least I got a tan. That will teach nuts to interrupt me when I eat a cousin to bass unless they want what comes out of my little rhyming ass.
Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.
Congratulations on catching the trout, I hope that you did not however pout when some know it all inspector came along to preach his virtues at you cat, at least you got some revenge back though which is something, funny post Pat :)
ReplyDeleteI also just got first, aren't I the worst?
Had to have some fun
DeleteAs the tale was spun
And first with your burst
Can now jump in the ocean to quench your thirst haha
LMAO I loveddd the "swims in their own poo" line!!! That's exactly how I feel about fish too. Bleh, gag, barf! As far as the cult goes, that's just crazy! They made an excuse to try and get money out of your pocket. The Written Mitten??? lol No wayyy
ReplyDeleteOh yeah the Written Mitten
DeleteWere oh so smitten
Trying to take the cat's dough
With their fake cult like flow haha
*sigh* how can you be a NY girl, Jax?
DeleteBTW - I'll be in the 'hood Saturday, baby!! Watch out deli's, here I come!!
LOL losing faith in your NY girl
DeleteYou also have to give the golden loo a whirl
Jax is still my homegirl!! I just can't understand her concept of the ocean LOL
DeleteShe has a thing against fish poo
DeleteUnlike you hahaha
LMAO Yes, I don't like swimming in the fishies toilet bowl ;) lol
DeleteSaturday??? HOOLLLAAAA...Now I can make that post for you :)
No hollaaaa-ing allowed at my sea
DeleteUnless you pay a fee
hahaha. It at all anything could ruin beachtime, this is the perfect post. If India is land of beggars, Beach is sand of preachers.
ReplyDeleteAsk permission to fish to eat it? I know that whales can speak, havent heard about trouts and salmon speak. Interesting people.
In hinduism they have this concept of asking permission to goats before sacrificing them, ie they would spray water on goat's face and when it shrugs and splashes and shakes the head in response to the water spray, they would take it as yes and chop the head. I wish anyone could do the same to priest as well, spray water and then when shakes his head , chop it off.
Bunch of douchebags.
LMAO hmm that might make less people preach
DeleteAnd a lesson it would surely teach
As off with the head
Would cause them quite the amount of dread
If somebody is preaching to me while I am in the beach and enjoying myself, I will bury them under the sand. And if you talking about cults that is asking for a lot of money, well all I can say is if you believe them, then you are nuts as well and are in good company ~
ReplyDeleteHave a good day Pat ~
LMAO hmm that is a good point too
DeleteMeans you are a crazy loon without a clue
And bury them in the sand
Is just grand
lol....gotta love legalism, it will surely cause a schism, and funny some of the law that dictate life around their halls, might just want to sit in a chair so you dont tempt satan into your lair...and if sand in the hair is the worse you got, the crack is worse by a lot...
ReplyDeleteYeah that is much much worse
DeleteSurely make one curse
And yeah the schemes some can make
Even charging for a snow flake
They got on all sorts of reasons
ReplyDeleteTo get what they expect you'll do
Cults try to prick your conscience
Hoping your generosity gets over you
You just ignore
They would just go
Hank
Yep ignore and they go
DeleteOn to another's show
With their same old flow
Thinking they are in the know
see, the whole beach saw your bum except us!
ReplyDeleteI've been to the beach last (and only) time some 20 or more year ago :)
Been a year or so since the cat was there
DeleteBut yeah they all saw it quite bare
You both need to come to Ireland and go to the beach. Our sunlight is so weak that your fair skins don't get burnt. But you can't show your bum or the Garda will come.
DeletePfft the cat would just poo on Garda if he showed
DeleteAnd he'd save up a whole load
You guys would love the beaches in Australia because many of them are nude beaches. I've been to beaches in Florida, California, Ireland, Australia, Panama and the Philippines. The beach in Panama was my favorite. You have to take a vat of sunscreen to their beaches or you'll burn to a crisp in minutes.
DeleteOh that would be grand
DeleteBut the cat is, for real, banned from Austrailia's land
Would surely be interesting to see more one day
If/when I should get away from my bay
You mean you, yourself or their ban on allowing animals across their border. If it's you I want to know what you did to deserve it.
DeleteIm' banned in Honduras, Panama, Thailand, Burkina Faso and Nigeria.... but let us not talk about that.... But, seriously, all three of us are banned in China, since Google is banned there and we are on Google :)
DeleteNo, in Hawaii and Australia Savannah cats are banned from being allowed in
DeleteSo the cat could never live in such a bin
What if the fish is already dead, and ground up into little bits of meat, and shoved into a can? Do you still have to ask its permission? Because there's a lot of tuna I haven't consulted yet.
ReplyDeleteAlso, they love to follow the Written Mitten, but I think bylaw 421 dash 3232 states that you can beat your wife with a stick if she shows you her elbows, so maybe they need a new book to follow.
LMAO you'll have to consult bylaw 432 dash 436385 for that
DeleteAs it is not known by the cat
Hmmm yeah they need a knew book indeed
As all the trees should take heed
The thing is kind of thick
Weighs more than a two ton brick
I tried to google them but could not find
ReplyDeleteMaybe they are related to mimes?
You could have showed them a dove in a glove
and flipped them the bird, but all done in love.
hahaha.
If they ask for money on your first date
then they don't give a damn about your soul at any rate!
LMAO you actually tried to google those guys?
Deletehahahahaha damn I should win a prize
For they are about as real as Drazin at my sea
I just got the idea and went forth at bush number three
And yeah agree with the money statement
As their fate is to get bent
There usually is just a bit
Deleteof truth to your stories, that are such a hit
I thought maybe you twisted their name
just to make it part of the game!
LOL nope all fake
DeleteHere at my lake
No wonder you guys come to my beaches instead. You get harassed at your beaches! My beaches are so divine, you can swim and fish and lay in the sand! The sand is so magical it doesn't even stick to you or get stuck in your hair...(yeah right, just in your, um cracks)
ReplyDeleteLOL geez someone is a bit out and la la land today
DeleteMust be another beach day your way
Do not mess with General Elsie Cat!! Her beaches are lovely, her mounds soft and shapely, her sand caress you like silk.
DeleteHmm I won't even go there
DeleteBut you did forget her hair haha
My, my, my, Anne!! I do love how you defend my beaches and my beautiful mounds LOL
DeleteNo beach day today, cat - maybe Wednesday!!
You are the General for the Alliance, while this feline offender is no better than the jam between my toes. Which I'm saving in a jar and sending to him for a Christmas gift.
DeleteLOL well the cat will save a special pringle can for you
DeleteAnd even let some christmas bulbs show in the poo
a poo that twinkles and shines? Now that's a unique invention, cat!
DeleteMaybe I should market it
DeleteAnd hope it becomes a rich hit
well if those nasty bags which like to collect and roll poo have credit cards, you will be a millionaire in no time..... emphasis is on NO :)
Deletenot "bags" but "bugs" :)
DeleteDamn you got my hopes up there
DeleteAs old bags could have bought from my lair haha
Give them an IOU!
ReplyDeleteLOL that I can do
DeleteTo the crazy crew
The Written Mitten?
ReplyDeleteSoliciting funds from a kitten?
Those fools deserve a hittin'!
Open their hands and give them a shittin'!
LOL that the cat can do
DeletePretty much on cue
As if they want a due
I'll give em the poo
A cat has
ReplyDeletea nature
to hunt and
to fish
for to dine
is sublime
not a sin
So off with
the head
Written Mitten
will be dead
not to rise
with the tide
but to set with
the sun
and rest
with the fishes
at the bottom
of the sea.
My Fang kitty is a huntress and if those preachers dare to come calling and tell her what to do, they will burn!!
hahaha looks like if they were to hang
DeleteThey'd meet with a Fang
And be long gone
Six feet under at your lawn
I love that kitty Pat. I worry so much about her as she won't come in the house and wants to live outdoors full time. This horrible male cat attacked her last night and then came up on the porch to try to eat her food. I'm working on getting her to let me hold her for longer periods of time so that when winter comes she'll trust me enough to come inside when it gets cold. And I'm spoiling her rotten by feeding her real tuna, sardines and mackerel. Do your cats go outside at all or are they full time house kitties.
DeleteCassie came from outdoors and she was more than happy to be indoors full time
DeleteThe wild one on the other hand would stray across the land and rhyme
But indoors they both remain
So they don't get run down in some lane
Sucks that the male cat is being a pain as well
Maybe she doesn't find your dogs swell?
Or just feral and likes the outdoors
But yeah be nice if you can get her in before snow comes to your shores
I wouldn't say she's feral, but she's very skittish. She's already put the dogs in their place. The front porch is her territory and they found that out when she smacked them across the face with her paw. She hit hard too, you could hear the thump when her paw hit my daughters dog. My dog respects cats and doesn't bother her. We also have two indoor cats, but they don't seem to mind her presence. It's her and I think some of it is that she really likes her freedom. She enjoys catching and eating insects. She stalks them in the yard and seems to take pleasure from it. (you don't have to come comment on my blog Pat, I'm just talking here to you about my kitty).
Deletemy Budislava, God rest her soul, was like that too, Annzie. I wonder if any of her three orphans will inherit her Mother Monster character. One already has a Garfield character, likes lying on his back and winking at you so that you would rub his always big belly :)
DeleteMine catch insects indoors when they come
DeleteAnd he is very very skittish with his rhyming bum
Scared of a blanket on the floor
If it wasn't there before hahaha
Yeah outside cats like their freedom too
So that is prob why she thinks the inside is ewwww
And as long as the arm holds out
I will always come and give a shout
Going to the beach can be a bore
ReplyDeleteunless you opt for the Jersey Shore.
For it's a topsy turvy world, my friend.
All the tattoos on women
and big boobs on the men.
Hmmm that would be scary to see
DeleteSo would be avoided by me
As some would even show their willy
One you thought was a filly
A frilly filly from Philly.
DeleteNow that's just silly.
Not if she went willy nilly
DeleteAnd wanted to reveal things were rather hilly
Now I know what to do when I'm at the shore, avoid the Written Mitten, of that you can be sure ;)
ReplyDeletehaha yeah that you should do
DeleteAvoid their cult like crew
If you had a treasure
ReplyDeleteTo be your friend would be my pleasure
I would be at your shore
Knocking on your door.
"Let me in!"
"I am but a friend!"
But since you have none
I guess I will run.
Pfft the cat will remember that
DeleteAnd not let you in at our mat
When we win big
And move from the grass to a twig
Yes!!!! I found a way to make money this summer. I'm going to curse people, and they have to pay me a toonie (or more for bigger curses) to remove it. You're a genius, Pat. :D
ReplyDeleteGlad I can help you out at my lair
DeleteJust remember to share haha
The Written Mitten? Oh, gosh.
ReplyDeleteYeah a rhyming cult
DeleteI bet they malt
I'm glad you ate trout and tanned.
ReplyDeleteBy law, bylaw weirdos should be banned.
xoRobyn
Yeah banned every which way
DeleteThem and their whack job display
I haven't been to beach in a good long time
ReplyDeleteI don't miss the wet sand in my hair like slime
Yeah that is a bad thing
DeleteBetween cracks it seems to cling
hahaha, nuts like this come to my house every so often, when I'm in the mood I'll stand there and ask them a million questions, and you can see them thinking, like ooh, we got a live one here, unknowing I'm just stringing them along…but they do come off rather cooky, the whole asking permission thing, opens up a whole other ideology that is sweeping this world in a militaristic sense, which I found quite funny, but will not share. I don't even think I'd want that book on my shelf lol Great caricature here, very fun, and so glad they were dumb, not knowing what cats bury beneath the sand, made for an ending that was quite grand
ReplyDeletehahaha not even wanting that book on your shelf
DeleteGeez they mut be full of themself
Yeah they try to come off so grand
But deserves to be buried beneath the sand
Give and receive
ReplyDeletejust like Adam and Eve
but Adam was naive
the apple to retrieve
but let's not blame Eve
for trying to deceive
she just wanted to share
and thought that was fair!
Yeah I suppose there is no blame
DeleteBut she sure got fame
As people still flame
Thinking she wasn't so tame