The cat was out and about on this warm day and I decided to go to the beach for a stay. Of course it turned into quite the affair and I got sand in my hair. That is quite the pain to get out but I also caught a trout. It was quite easy when you have a paw, just use the claw. I was chowing down at the shore and along came some couple who decided to preach to me forever more. I guess they thought I was mean to the poor fish and rude for not eating it from a dish.
"Turn to the light my child. This is not path you must take. Join us and learn the power of the Written Mitten."
They did not like the smile I gave as they continued to rant and rave. Did they know how stupid a cult name that was? Can one even write with mittens and all their fuzz? I suppose they can indeed, maybe that is why these nuts believed and were making my ears bleed.
"The Written Mitten bylaw 50.2 dash 675 states you must never harm a fish without first asking its permission. You will go to hell for what you just did. Repent and give money to The Written Mitten. We will save your soul."
Hmm so these clowns wanted me to talk to fish before I made it into a tasty dish? What do you say to one who swims in their own poo? How do you do, I want to eat you? Once more it seems nuts have found me that have a loose screw at my sea. But they got the money part right. Giving oh so much money would make everything write. Isn't it funny how that seems to work? So I tossed them a loonie with a smirk.
"This will not suffice. If your cause is just you must save your soul through giving. The Written Mitten bylaw 400.32 dash 543 states that one should live without and give to all."
Wow that must be one long ass book. I bet it would take weeks to read at any nook. They were impressive to have read it all. Maybe I should sell all at my hall. Pfft right! And I'll let aliens probe me tonight. I also don't think they got the loonie point I was trying to make. Maybe I should save all the trouble and drown them in a nearby lake? But then my cause might be even worse and I might need to give them a toonie to lift the curse. And if you live without yet give it all away, doesn't that mean another is breaking the bylaw by living with at their bay? Hmm tricky these Written Mitten weirdos were so I began to purr.
"See that is the spirit my friend. Give and you will recieve plenty in return. The Written Mitten has tons in store for you. The more you give the more levels you will increase within and save your earthly soul."
They wanted me to give and give some more and after all I was at the shore. So I decided to give them all I had and of course their knowledge of cats seemed bad. For when I dug a hole in the beach they continued to preach and thought I was un-burying my treasure, as they gave a look of pleasure. But that quickly turned to disgust as I went bust. Gave them everything inside me and trotted off with glee. Now the Written Mitten has deprieved a poor Pringle can and damned my soul but at least I got a tan. That will teach nuts to interrupt me when I eat a cousin to bass unless they want what comes out of my little rhyming ass.
Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.