Monday, July 9, 2012

At The Beach Comes One Who Likes To Preach!

The cat was out and about on this warm day and I decided to go to the beach for a stay. Of course it turned into quite the affair and I got sand in my hair. That is quite the pain to get out but I also caught a trout. It was quite easy when you have a paw, just use the claw. I was chowing down at the shore and along came some couple who decided to preach to me forever more. I guess they thought I was mean to the poor fish and rude for not eating it from a dish.

"Turn to the light my child. This is not path you must take. Join us and learn the power of the Written Mitten."

They did not like the smile I gave as they continued to rant and rave. Did they know how stupid a cult name that was? Can one even write with mittens and all their fuzz? I suppose they can indeed, maybe that is why these nuts believed and were making my ears bleed.

"The Written Mitten bylaw 50.2 dash 675 states you must never harm a fish without first asking its permission. You will go to hell for what you just did. Repent and give money to The Written Mitten. We will save your soul."

Hmm so these clowns wanted me to talk to fish before I made it into a tasty dish? What do you say to one who swims in their own poo? How do you do, I want to eat you? Once more it seems nuts have found me that have a loose screw at my sea. But they got the money part right. Giving oh so much money would make everything write. Isn't it funny how that seems to work? So I tossed them a loonie with a smirk.

"This will not suffice. If your cause is just you must save your soul through giving. The Written Mitten bylaw 400.32 dash 543 states that one should live without and give to all."

Wow that must be one long ass book. I bet it would take weeks to read at any nook. They were impressive to have read it all. Maybe I should sell all at my hall. Pfft right! And I'll let aliens probe me tonight. I also don't think they got the loonie point I was trying to make. Maybe I should save all the trouble and drown them in a nearby lake? But then my cause might be even worse and I might need to give them a toonie to lift the curse. And if you live without yet give it all away, doesn't that mean another is breaking the bylaw by living with at their bay? Hmm tricky these Written Mitten weirdos were so I began to purr.

"See that is the spirit my friend. Give and you will recieve plenty in return. The Written Mitten has tons in store for you. The more you give the more levels you will increase within and save your earthly soul."

They wanted me to give and give some more and after all I was at the shore. So I decided to give them all I had and of course their knowledge of cats seemed bad. For when I dug a hole in the beach they continued to preach and thought I was un-burying my treasure, as they gave a look of pleasure. But that quickly turned to disgust as I went bust. Gave them everything inside me and trotted off with glee. Now the Written Mitten has deprieved a poor Pringle can and damned my soul but at least I got a tan. That will teach nuts to interrupt me when I eat a cousin to bass unless they want what comes out of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

76 comments:

  1. Congratulations on catching the trout, I hope that you did not however pout when some know it all inspector came along to preach his virtues at you cat, at least you got some revenge back though which is something, funny post Pat :)

    I also just got first, aren't I the worst?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Had to have some fun
      As the tale was spun
      And first with your burst
      Can now jump in the ocean to quench your thirst haha

      Delete
  2. LMAO I loveddd the "swims in their own poo" line!!! That's exactly how I feel about fish too. Bleh, gag, barf! As far as the cult goes, that's just crazy! They made an excuse to try and get money out of your pocket. The Written Mitten??? lol No wayyy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yeah the Written Mitten
      Were oh so smitten
      Trying to take the cat's dough
      With their fake cult like flow haha

      Delete
    2. *sigh* how can you be a NY girl, Jax?

      BTW - I'll be in the 'hood Saturday, baby!! Watch out deli's, here I come!!

      Delete
    3. LOL losing faith in your NY girl
      You also have to give the golden loo a whirl

      Delete
    4. Jax is still my homegirl!! I just can't understand her concept of the ocean LOL

      Delete
    5. She has a thing against fish poo
      Unlike you hahaha

      Delete
    6. LMAO Yes, I don't like swimming in the fishies toilet bowl ;) lol

      Saturday??? HOOLLLAAAA...Now I can make that post for you :)

      Delete
    7. No hollaaaa-ing allowed at my sea
      Unless you pay a fee

      Delete
  3. hahaha. It at all anything could ruin beachtime, this is the perfect post. If India is land of beggars, Beach is sand of preachers.
    Ask permission to fish to eat it? I know that whales can speak, havent heard about trouts and salmon speak. Interesting people.

    In hinduism they have this concept of asking permission to goats before sacrificing them, ie they would spray water on goat's face and when it shrugs and splashes and shakes the head in response to the water spray, they would take it as yes and chop the head. I wish anyone could do the same to priest as well, spray water and then when shakes his head , chop it off.

    Bunch of douchebags.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LMAO hmm that might make less people preach
      And a lesson it would surely teach
      As off with the head
      Would cause them quite the amount of dread

      Delete
  4. If somebody is preaching to me while I am in the beach and enjoying myself, I will bury them under the sand. And if you talking about cults that is asking for a lot of money, well all I can say is if you believe them, then you are nuts as well and are in good company ~

    Have a good day Pat ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LMAO hmm that is a good point too
      Means you are a crazy loon without a clue
      And bury them in the sand
      Is just grand

      Delete
  5. lol....gotta love legalism, it will surely cause a schism, and funny some of the law that dictate life around their halls, might just want to sit in a chair so you dont tempt satan into your lair...and if sand in the hair is the worse you got, the crack is worse by a lot...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that is much much worse
      Surely make one curse
      And yeah the schemes some can make
      Even charging for a snow flake

      Delete
  6. They got on all sorts of reasons
    To get what they expect you'll do
    Cults try to prick your conscience
    Hoping your generosity gets over you
    You just ignore
    They would just go

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep ignore and they go
      On to another's show
      With their same old flow
      Thinking they are in the know

      Delete
  7. see, the whole beach saw your bum except us!
    I've been to the beach last (and only) time some 20 or more year ago :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Been a year or so since the cat was there
      But yeah they all saw it quite bare

      Delete
    2. You both need to come to Ireland and go to the beach. Our sunlight is so weak that your fair skins don't get burnt. But you can't show your bum or the Garda will come.

      Delete
    3. Pfft the cat would just poo on Garda if he showed
      And he'd save up a whole load

      Delete
    4. You guys would love the beaches in Australia because many of them are nude beaches. I've been to beaches in Florida, California, Ireland, Australia, Panama and the Philippines. The beach in Panama was my favorite. You have to take a vat of sunscreen to their beaches or you'll burn to a crisp in minutes.

      Delete
    5. Oh that would be grand
      But the cat is, for real, banned from Austrailia's land
      Would surely be interesting to see more one day
      If/when I should get away from my bay

      Delete
    6. You mean you, yourself or their ban on allowing animals across their border. If it's you I want to know what you did to deserve it.

      Delete
    7. Im' banned in Honduras, Panama, Thailand, Burkina Faso and Nigeria.... but let us not talk about that.... But, seriously, all three of us are banned in China, since Google is banned there and we are on Google :)

      Delete
    8. No, in Hawaii and Australia Savannah cats are banned from being allowed in
      So the cat could never live in such a bin

      Delete
  8. What if the fish is already dead, and ground up into little bits of meat, and shoved into a can? Do you still have to ask its permission? Because there's a lot of tuna I haven't consulted yet.

    Also, they love to follow the Written Mitten, but I think bylaw 421 dash 3232 states that you can beat your wife with a stick if she shows you her elbows, so maybe they need a new book to follow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LMAO you'll have to consult bylaw 432 dash 436385 for that
      As it is not known by the cat

      Hmmm yeah they need a knew book indeed
      As all the trees should take heed
      The thing is kind of thick
      Weighs more than a two ton brick

      Delete
  9. I tried to google them but could not find
    Maybe they are related to mimes?
    You could have showed them a dove in a glove
    and flipped them the bird, but all done in love.
    hahaha.
    If they ask for money on your first date
    then they don't give a damn about your soul at any rate!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LMAO you actually tried to google those guys?
      hahahahaha damn I should win a prize
      For they are about as real as Drazin at my sea
      I just got the idea and went forth at bush number three
      And yeah agree with the money statement
      As their fate is to get bent

      Delete
    2. There usually is just a bit
      of truth to your stories, that are such a hit
      I thought maybe you twisted their name
      just to make it part of the game!

      Delete
    3. LOL nope all fake
      Here at my lake

      Delete
  10. No wonder you guys come to my beaches instead. You get harassed at your beaches! My beaches are so divine, you can swim and fish and lay in the sand! The sand is so magical it doesn't even stick to you or get stuck in your hair...(yeah right, just in your, um cracks)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL geez someone is a bit out and la la land today
      Must be another beach day your way

      Delete
    2. Do not mess with General Elsie Cat!! Her beaches are lovely, her mounds soft and shapely, her sand caress you like silk.

      Delete
    3. Hmm I won't even go there
      But you did forget her hair haha

      Delete
    4. My, my, my, Anne!! I do love how you defend my beaches and my beautiful mounds LOL

      No beach day today, cat - maybe Wednesday!!

      Delete
    5. You are the General for the Alliance, while this feline offender is no better than the jam between my toes. Which I'm saving in a jar and sending to him for a Christmas gift.

      Delete
    6. LOL well the cat will save a special pringle can for you
      And even let some christmas bulbs show in the poo

      Delete
    7. a poo that twinkles and shines? Now that's a unique invention, cat!

      Delete
    8. Maybe I should market it
      And hope it becomes a rich hit

      Delete
    9. well if those nasty bags which like to collect and roll poo have credit cards, you will be a millionaire in no time..... emphasis is on NO :)

      Delete
    10. Damn you got my hopes up there
      As old bags could have bought from my lair haha

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. LOL that I can do
      To the crazy crew

      Delete
  12. The Written Mitten?
    Soliciting funds from a kitten?
    Those fools deserve a hittin'!
    Open their hands and give them a shittin'!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL that the cat can do
      Pretty much on cue
      As if they want a due
      I'll give em the poo

      Delete
  13. A cat has
    a nature
    to hunt and
    to fish
    for to dine
    is sublime
    not a sin

    So off with
    the head
    Written Mitten
    will be dead
    not to rise
    with the tide
    but to set with
    the sun
    and rest
    with the fishes
    at the bottom
    of the sea.

    My Fang kitty is a huntress and if those preachers dare to come calling and tell her what to do, they will burn!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha looks like if they were to hang
      They'd meet with a Fang
      And be long gone
      Six feet under at your lawn

      Delete
    2. I love that kitty Pat. I worry so much about her as she won't come in the house and wants to live outdoors full time. This horrible male cat attacked her last night and then came up on the porch to try to eat her food. I'm working on getting her to let me hold her for longer periods of time so that when winter comes she'll trust me enough to come inside when it gets cold. And I'm spoiling her rotten by feeding her real tuna, sardines and mackerel. Do your cats go outside at all or are they full time house kitties.

      Delete
    3. Cassie came from outdoors and she was more than happy to be indoors full time
      The wild one on the other hand would stray across the land and rhyme
      But indoors they both remain
      So they don't get run down in some lane
      Sucks that the male cat is being a pain as well
      Maybe she doesn't find your dogs swell?
      Or just feral and likes the outdoors
      But yeah be nice if you can get her in before snow comes to your shores

      Delete
    4. I wouldn't say she's feral, but she's very skittish. She's already put the dogs in their place. The front porch is her territory and they found that out when she smacked them across the face with her paw. She hit hard too, you could hear the thump when her paw hit my daughters dog. My dog respects cats and doesn't bother her. We also have two indoor cats, but they don't seem to mind her presence. It's her and I think some of it is that she really likes her freedom. She enjoys catching and eating insects. She stalks them in the yard and seems to take pleasure from it. (you don't have to come comment on my blog Pat, I'm just talking here to you about my kitty).

      Delete
    5. my Budislava, God rest her soul, was like that too, Annzie. I wonder if any of her three orphans will inherit her Mother Monster character. One already has a Garfield character, likes lying on his back and winking at you so that you would rub his always big belly :)

      Delete
    6. Mine catch insects indoors when they come
      And he is very very skittish with his rhyming bum
      Scared of a blanket on the floor
      If it wasn't there before hahaha
      Yeah outside cats like their freedom too
      So that is prob why she thinks the inside is ewwww
      And as long as the arm holds out
      I will always come and give a shout

      Delete
  14. Going to the beach can be a bore
    unless you opt for the Jersey Shore.
    For it's a topsy turvy world, my friend.
    All the tattoos on women
    and big boobs on the men.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm that would be scary to see
      So would be avoided by me
      As some would even show their willy
      One you thought was a filly

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    2. A frilly filly from Philly.
      Now that's just silly.

      Delete
    3. Not if she went willy nilly
      And wanted to reveal things were rather hilly

      Delete
  15. Now I know what to do when I'm at the shore, avoid the Written Mitten, of that you can be sure ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah that you should do
      Avoid their cult like crew

      Delete
  16. If you had a treasure
    To be your friend would be my pleasure
    I would be at your shore
    Knocking on your door.

    "Let me in!"
    "I am but a friend!"
    But since you have none
    I guess I will run.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pfft the cat will remember that
      And not let you in at our mat
      When we win big
      And move from the grass to a twig

      Delete
  17. Yes!!!! I found a way to make money this summer. I'm going to curse people, and they have to pay me a toonie (or more for bigger curses) to remove it. You're a genius, Pat. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I can help you out at my lair
      Just remember to share haha

      Delete
  18. Replies
    1. Yeah a rhyming cult
      I bet they malt

      Delete
  19. I'm glad you ate trout and tanned.
    By law, bylaw weirdos should be banned.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah banned every which way
      Them and their whack job display

      Delete
  20. I haven't been to beach in a good long time

    I don't miss the wet sand in my hair like slime

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that is a bad thing
      Between cracks it seems to cling

      Delete
  21. hahaha, nuts like this come to my house every so often, when I'm in the mood I'll stand there and ask them a million questions, and you can see them thinking, like ooh, we got a live one here, unknowing I'm just stringing them along…but they do come off rather cooky, the whole asking permission thing, opens up a whole other ideology that is sweeping this world in a militaristic sense, which I found quite funny, but will not share. I don't even think I'd want that book on my shelf lol Great caricature here, very fun, and so glad they were dumb, not knowing what cats bury beneath the sand, made for an ending that was quite grand

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha not even wanting that book on your shelf
      Geez they mut be full of themself
      Yeah they try to come off so grand
      But deserves to be buried beneath the sand

      Delete
  22. Give and receive
    just like Adam and Eve
    but Adam was naive
    the apple to retrieve
    but let's not blame Eve
    for trying to deceive
    she just wanted to share
    and thought that was fair!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I suppose there is no blame
      But she sure got fame
      As people still flame
      Thinking she wasn't so tame

      Delete