Thursday, July 5, 2012

It Is A Fact That Weirdo's I Seem To Attract.

So another nut, showed up the other day at my hut. Unlike that Beyonder crazy who made his eyes go hazy and asked question after question to me. This nut decided he would just shout facts at bush number three. That is right. I opened the door and he blurted out facts on sight. And just for you I decided to repeat them here at my zoo.

The dead sea is dying.
Redundent much? But thanks for trying.
A humpback whale creates the loudest sound of any living creature.
Windbag, you do know this isn't a double feature.

A dog's sense of smell is 1000 better than you or I.
Yet the mutt still has to snick its nose up the butt of some guy.
Mosquitos are attracted most to the color blue.
And how does one know this is true?

Jupiter is larger than a 1000 Earths.
Probably where you were given birth.
The moon moves away from us at 34cm a year.
I can still moon with my rear, never fear.

Every year 1.5 billion is spent on pet food.
The cat wants the best nothing that is crude.
Lightning bolts can travel 60 miles.
Learn that from the X-Files?

Every year in the US 625 people are struck by lightning.
Still on this topic? That is frightening.
More germs are transferred from shaking hands than kissing.
And you wondered why your hand shake went missing.

The average human blinks 25 times per minute.
That must have been tough to compute.
Thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
I hope they don't run out of cement for the street.

The average person will shed 40 pounds of skin in their lifetime.
Ewww that is just not sublime.
A sneeze can exceed the speed of 100mph.
Wow! That is some type of power.

Some large asteriods even have their own moon.
I bet you saw that in a cartoon.
A human heart beats 100,000 times per day.
Can you count that high anyway?

The average person laughs 15 times a day.
Hmmm I think I can blow that away.
It takes 72 muscles to produce human speech.
Is that why some speak as well as a leech?

A cockroach can survive a week without its head.
And then I hope the damn thing drops dead.
There are 701 types of pure bred dogs.
Oh just think of the blogs.

Sharks are the only animals that never get sick.
That is a nifty trick.
Male seahorses produce offspring.
Ohhh I am glad cats can't do such a thing.

Only about 10 percent of all known forms of animal life still exist today.
And you are getting too talky at my bay.
It takes a lobster seven years to grow to be one pound.
And it's time you were no longer found.

So off, we'll call him Full Fact, went after he had his little vent. Some things I just did not need to know. But with germs, see! I told you so. There are some Face it Facts for your brain that Full Fact brought down like rain. I hope they weren't too scary for lad or lass and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

82 comments:

  1. Are that many people really struck by lightening a year? Eep!!! That's so scary!!!! Clearly I need to be more careful when it comes to that. The average person only laughs about 15 times a day??? Noo, it has to be way more than that!! Come on people, you know you're giggling more than that!! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tradition is, if you comment first, you should declare, else get ready for assault.

      Delete
    2. she's under the protection of the Alliance, no assaults can harm her! Especially not the feline ones!

      Delete
    3. Wow Blabber was first
      With her burst
      And she didn't even declare
      That is rare
      Putting Brian and Hank to shame
      With their gloating game hahaha
      Yep supposedly that many people are
      And if you need to laugh just visit the crackless at my bar

      Pfft the allaince can't protect anyone
      When Irish Air is out in the sun
      And nowhere to be scene
      Cleaning up the mess I left in her garden and other stuff she has to clean

      Delete
    4. we shall superglue some diapers on your bum, cat, so that you would stop fertilizing other people's gardens.....

      Delete
    5. Eventually the diaper would explode
      And then on her window there would be a whole load

      Delete
    6. just don't eat too much corn salad, cat!

      Delete
    7. LOL be bullets that come out
      That would make one shout

      Delete
    8. Thanks for the protection, Dez!! I'm glad that I chose the right side. It looks like Cap has chosen the side of the kitty that wishes fleas upon knees and hates mimes. Don't people and/or cats have any morals?!

      Delete
    9. Nope cat's have no morals at all
      As all is game on my wall
      You will die a disgrace
      When the cat takes the allaince down and throws fleas on your face hahaha

      Delete
    10. that was just morbid, cat! I will set Jax in her pink tank on you right away!

      Delete
    11. I am telling cat that I would throw bucket of water if he moons, and you believe that I took his side?

      Joining Cat would be against Anne, which I could never even imagine to do. I have no grammar morality but basic life morals, I do have Jax.

      Delete
    12. Pfft all can be against the cat
      And morbid or not I will squash all flat

      Delete
    13. Hey, you said you don't need me and you are an one cat army and you had blabber and blue guy, the one cribbing about shoes and other one on other side, maybe time to wave white flag and surrender?

      Delete
    14. No cat lovers to be found, Pat. No wonder the average person smiles 15 times a day. Tops.

      Delete
    15. what Meandmy said in the last comment is officially supported by the allies administration!

      Delete
    16. Pfft the white flag will turn brown
      And bring you all a frown
      That is all you will get from me
      And ever see

      I know
      No wonder smiles don't grow

      Pfft support
      You say that hiding behind your fort

      Delete
  2. Moon your rear, if you know , ocean tides are due to moon, if I throw bucket of water , your moon to blame. Love the facts and your take on facts

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It will be a full moon either way
      And make for quite the display

      Delete
    2. My eyes, eyes, eyes, my brain brain brain, both seem to have shutdown listening to this Cat.

      BTB, forget cockroach, Mike the headless chicken survived for 18 months without head. How about that?

      Delete
    3. That is very impressive I will say
      There must not have been a cat at his bay
      Or he would have been dinner
      Instead of a record winner

      Delete
  3. I don't think the blinking fact is true
    I'd say 15 times a minute would do.
    I know dogs love to smell things gross
    I watch where each of their nose's goes.
    The lightning fact is quite astounding
    in storms it has my heart a pounding.
    Have a good day in your bay!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I guess we'll have to count
      To see the try amount
      And then compare to one and all
      On someones wall haha

      Delete
    2. Haha... well, that's one... haha.... that's two. 13 more to go. :) (That's a smile so it doesn't count.)

      Delete
    3. haha well you can smile when you are done
      Then you beat the 15 run

      Delete
  4. Hear something good for laughs
    And to do it isn't that tough
    Twitching of the face muscles
    Not really that much of a puzzle
    For you use more muscles to frown
    Than muscles to laugh its been found

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep that you do
      And so I try to have a loose screw
      And just let the frowns go
      And never show

      Delete
  5. sharks never get sick, that is pretty cool
    maybe we should live in a pool, ass-teroids
    and moons got me thinking of ...well, better
    watch it lightning might hit, sad on all the animals
    fun with all the fact-ibles...err...sorry bad end butt
    the best i got

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that would be nice
      No germs or lice
      And fit in ass that time
      You were due with your chime
      And got the end butt too
      That is so you haha

      Delete
  6. interesting info on the cockroaches, we might recruit them and make an Alliance squad with them.... very resilient on cat attacks methinks....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm not if the cat eats them whole
      Then once more spoils your goal

      Delete
    2. that would be our goal, for their armor would make them impossible to digest and they would crawl inside your belly and plant spying and tracking gear in you, cat! And they will spill some castor oil there as well to give you fun in your pooping hobby.

      Delete
    3. Hmmm I guess a hairball is due
      But wouldn't armor make them unable to chew?
      And if not
      Then they would be in pieces a whole lot

      Delete
  7. Now, I'm just smarter for having read your blog this morning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who knew from my cart
      That one could get smart

      Delete
  8. Thanks Pat for the education. Of course now, I'll be sitting here calculating my blinks per minute...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hopefully they calculate right
      Oh doing that all day would be a plight

      Delete
  9. I haven't gotten sick in 15 years... oh crap, am I turning into a shark?

    Also, people are so boring. I've probably laughed 15 times just this morning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that is true
      They are boring in their view
      Got me beat with that too
      As it's 13 years at Pat's zoo
      At least germ wise at my show
      Now the damn back pain just needs to go

      Delete
  10. Asteroids can sure drive you nuts.
    Especially for astronauts
    who sit on their butts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They wouldn't sit pretty
      Like some old bitty
      If a hem was added to the roid
      They'd squirm like some android

      Delete
  11. Wow...people need to laugh more!
    To do it, they could come to your shore!

    The cockroach thing is amazing.
    so they just lay there breathing?
    I guess they could walk
    but not eat, see or talk.
    or even think
    or wink.
    LMAO. ha.

    The skin cells...yep, that's gross enough for an Eeep.
    and it's also why weekly I wash my bed sheets!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eep?? Eep?? Ohh that I likkeeee :)

      Delete
    2. Yeah that they could indeed
      Until I dropped the zombie foot seed
      Then they would run
      And no longer have fun
      Yeah sharks and cockroaches are quite grand
      Although I'd rather be immune to everything then run around headless across the land haha

      Pffft figures you would
      Eep all over my hood

      Delete
  12. Wow, the facts came flowing fast. Lots of bits this guy displayed, as he ranted factoids at your bay. Here's another, which is true, but unless you knew, you'll probably go ewww. Dogs tongues are super clean, despite the licking and the lot, their saliva has been known to heal your wounds and make cuts clot, it's true- if you're sick, let the dog have a lick, it's cool though, you don't have to worry about any germs, for their tongues are somehow very clean, if you don't believe, well ask any mutt and he'll affirm. Kind of gross but it's true, or so I've been told.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I heard they were clean
      Never knew they could heal cuts at ones scene
      That would be kind of eww
      Maybe that is why they are always trying to lick you
      Still not sure on that
      After seeing the crap they eat, literally, at ones mat

      Delete
  13. I love your idea of doing facts Pat, great rhymes as usual my man. You sure to seem to attract a lot of strange folk at your bay, myself being one of them since I'm here today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep strange folks do seem to show
      With my rhyming flow
      But oh well
      It is fun I will tell

      Delete
  14. Beware the headless cockroach!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it can now poo at both ends
      That surely offends

      Delete
  15. Wow, interesting facts. Please send the weirdo round to me next time he calls! Yuck on the skin and the cockroach and I think your blog alone will make the laughing 15 times a day wrong! Thanks for ploughing through my waaaay too long blog today. You're the best!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Plough away
      I can do at any bay
      As I drone on too
      Here at my zoo
      And glad I can beat the 15
      Even when I try to be mean

      Delete
  16. Such crazy knowledge and facts! 40 pounds of skin cells over a lifetime? That is one strange fact.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yeah that is one strange and nasty one
      Makes me ocd want to cause me to run

      Delete
  17. "Every year in the US 625 people are struck by lightning.
    Still on this topic? That is frightening."

    Have you signed with a record label yet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha nope
      Still just here all alone a rhyming dope haha

      Delete
  18. 625 people striked down by lightning?

    Man Thor was pissed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that he was
      Or maybe it was Zeus with such buzz

      Delete
  19. Don't go out when there's lightning, I'm a genius!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It can strike inside too
      If eletronics are being used by you

      Delete
  20. What's that you're saying? Mosquitos are attracted most to the color blue? That explains a whole lot. Mosquitos and the IRS. The average person laughs 15 times a day? Even I beat that number. Sharks are the only animals that never get sick? I've got sharp teeth and I can swim.... so how come I'm always ill? Maybe I should become a loan shark. What do you think, Pat? :))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The IRS comes after you all the way over there?
      Wow you must really owe some taxes at your lair
      I wish I was a shark as well
      To get rid of this neck pain hell
      But a loan shark I would not be
      As jail or death could come to thee

      Delete
    2. you don't even protect your people from the IRS, cat? See, the Alliance wouldn't let them approach our generals and soldiers.... The Blue one has chosen the wrong side...

      Delete
    3. Pfft the IRS can't get him over there
      As long as he stays out of the US lair

      Delete
  21. Yup, I'm sure your blog raises the average 15 for your readers. :)

    I wonder how they calculated the amount of skin. It seems like it would be hard to track down every bit a person shed for even an hour . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah glad I can help break the 15
      Here at my scene
      And who knows about that
      Would surely not want that job at my mat

      Delete
  22. I giggled out loud at this:
    'The moon moves away from us at 34cm a year.
    I can still moon with my rear, never fear.'
    And then!~! And then!!! You had me freakin well counting my blinks! LOLOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL had you right screwed up today
      With the mooning at my bay
      And counting those blinks
      Fun to create such hijinks

      Delete
  23. 15 times a day? I'm surprised too! I laugh way more than than just reading Blogger or talking to my family. I feel sorry for people who have no sense of humor.

    Or maybe I'm to easily amused...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well they do say small things amuse small minds hahaha
      But then there are all kinds

      Delete
  24. I'm out on a late night drive-by Cat. Duck!!!!

    You somehow managed to include your rear in this Cat face it facts says it can't be done, to rhyme with your bum.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can rhyme anything with my rear
      And I have no fear
      For you would miss
      And then I'd just hiss

      Delete
  25. Interesting facts Pat ~ I didn't know that about sharks and cockroaches ~ Have a good night ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad with the facts
      You know some new acts

      Delete
  26. LOL! Who actually has time to figure this stuff out? I'm wondering if I can last as long as a cockroach without my head. Ha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah some truly have no life
      And headless would cause you strife

      Delete
  27. How do we know sharks don't get sick maybe they would get terra ferma sick you don't know humans get seasick so you take a shark stick on the ground and maybe it would get sick before it dies.......lol

    Those female seahorses are onto something make the males have the babies....lol

    I would write more but I have to go and get Little Leo from day care which means going out into the cold and rain why do I agree to do these things...........oh yeah I am a big old softy.......that's why.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL well that would bring death not sick
      Which is even more ick
      Pfft female seahorses are crazy
      I like getting the fun part and them being lazy haha
      Out in the rain
      Such a pain
      But if you must go
      Run fast to and fro

      Delete
  28. all we know is, HE'S CALLED THE STIG.

    I'm not sure how this fits in, but it felt right at the time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL well say what you wish
      It all fits in someway at my dish

      Delete
  29. I think I'm envious of the sharks.

    ReplyDelete