Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Life Without A Crack! Does It Cause Flack?

Wouldn't it be nice if you magically never had to go? Things would be so much easier at your show. No germy loo to clean and no noises that are obscene. There are a select few that have such a thing come due. So I rounded up a few at my bar from near and far. They are all from the crackless crowd and seem to be quite proud.

Of course when it won't come out he jumps up and down. I guess if you do some sort of hokey pokey it disappears and no longer makes you frown.

Your eyes glow sometimes too and you get a real mean view. Especially when they see your crackless tush. It is just so sad this mutt can't go on a bush.


Cross your legs and give the thumbs up. This cat should be a pup. He gives us all a bad name for he is too tame. Eating all that food. It's a good thing he has no crack or the sounds would just be rude.

All you have to do is whistle away and off it goes to some other bay. These crackless people seem to make a lot of sounds. I guess that is what one gets with nothing comes out of bounds.


Not sure on his attire. But without a crack things surely are not dire. Look at all that dough. I guess you can get rich when you aren't spending time having to go.


Lift your leg and make a funny face then it magically poofs out into outerspace. Looks like he is straining a bit too. Oh the things the crackless have to do.

Moon the well moon and if you sing a clever tune, it too will go into outerspace at a steady pace. It magically just poofs away and you can go back to your day.


Give you belly a rub and eat honey by the tub. With a little poke and a fake choke off it will go without a crack even having to show.


Those belts are really nifty indeed. That is all you need. Plus pizzas by the dozen or so and once you chow them down away it will go. They even have a sewer pipe so things won't get ripe.


And if all else fails and your stomach continues its wails, all that is left for you is to make a crack come due. Oh that would truly hurt and out it could spurt. What a nasty thought. Imagine if it is a whole lot.

So do you want to be of the crackless bunch, no longer having to go after lunch? You could get rich, sing at high pitch, moon and strike up a show tune. I know you have all thought why they don't have any crack. So don't judge my attack. Now if you wake up and are part of the crackless crew as you give your rump a view you know how to get rid of such gas. Remember it and don't forget to thank my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

88 comments:

  1. err rather pointed ending there, pop the bubble it spurts everywhere...now that will make you stay in the chair and be grateful you have crack back, not a butt like a round sack

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you reframed from ass or gas
      As you took your pass
      That must have killed
      Of course with number one you were thrilled

      Delete
  2. well lookey there
    way up here
    numero uno
    whoa!
    i rule the show

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    Replies
    1. It was up to you to break the ice today Brian. Or should I have said "crack" the ice.

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    2. LOL he sure cracked it
      At least just a bit

      Delete
  3. A rhyme about poo
    who knew
    that this would
    come due
    at your lair
    with your
    bum full of hair
    as it shines like
    a moon
    with a crack
    for a smile.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah one never would have guessed at all
      That this would grace my wall
      Without even a pringle can
      Must be just some flash in the pan

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    2. not even his mum loved his bum so much when he was a baby, as he loves it now himself...

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    3. Trying to do your shrink thing on me
      Pfft stick to your day job and let me be haha

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    4. He's got his Viking woman to powder his bum now and he even suckles at her teats. Maybe Freud wasn't entirely bonkers....

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    5. Pfft Freud was out to lunch
      A whole friggin bunch

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    6. Mostly he had his nose stuck in a bag of cocaine. He was a walking freak show.

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    7. Yep, with that I will agree
      Is that why Dez likes him so much, maybe?

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    8. well, it does take a freak to love one :)

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    9. And I won't disagree
      Either with thee

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. The cat got it
      And responded to your email fit

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    2. check it out for viruses, Annzie! Or you will lose the exclamation mark as well!

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    3. Pfft the cat wouldn't be as obvious as you
      He'd send "free liquor" and then she'd open it up and have a virus to view

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    4. I'm going to have to call my computer guy and have him fix the thing. Yes, I have a computer guy and his last name is O'Brian. He's a feckin genius with computers and he and the Hubby have become friends.

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    5. Well there you go
      Now the Z's and such can show
      Instead of smashing the thing
      And letting it fling

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    6. Chief O'Brian from STAR TREK????

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    7. No trekkies allowed
      Such a weird crowd

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  5. I can't believe no one has covered this topic before you, cat..... oh, wait, I can certainly believe it, and can give you thousands reasons why.... We need to find you a shrink for you poo obsession, you know..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yes but all it takes is one reason to do it
      And so the cat gave it a rhyming fit
      Bah shrinks cost too much money
      And besides I just find them funny

      Delete
    2. It's not how you find them it's how they find you. My Cousin Margie is a shrink and I think she'd be very interested in seeing you Cat. My Cousin Margie character is my real Cousin Margie, but she's really a sweet person. Out of us three cousins, she's the nice one. I'm going to have to do a Cousin Margie post again sometime.

      Delete
    3. Oh so she is the real deal
      The cat likes to talk about how things feel
      So he could talk her ear off
      Enough to make her scoff
      When the viking woman comes up
      And the poo, mimes and butt sniffing pup

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    4. "It's not how you find them it's how they find you"
      mega LOL :)

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    5. Pfft egging her on when she is no longer here
      See you are just as bad as my rhyming rear

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    6. you forget that me is a psychologist too, and me already found you, cat!

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  6. Almost all seem to carry a bright smile
    Although they haven't poo'd for quite awhile
    And if not having a crack will give me golden coins
    count me in, for in the no crack bunch I will join!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh, we shall use you then as the Golden Goose, Elsie :) We shall all be rich with the gold you give us lol

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    2. A one eyed, no crack human you say?
      Oh that would be quite the display hahaha

      Oh the cat agress with that
      Send plenty of gold to our mat

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    3. I will share my wealth
      but the cat can go to hell

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    4. Ooooh Elsie you are ferocious today. The General of the Alliance is not to be trifled with Cat.

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    5. Pfft the cat will steal it then
      And take it all from your den

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    6. if you pass the penguin guard, which won't happen....

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    7. I was going to say the cat can go to hell"th" but it looked dumb LMAO

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    8. Still looks dumb
      Are you glum?

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  7. The crackless crowd
    Formidable and loud
    Nice group ensemble
    Ever willing and able

    Hank

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    Replies
    1. You quite the crowd
      As they strut proud
      Of having no crack
      Here at my shack

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. You see how he is Betsy. And he accuses us of starting the poo stories over here. He's disgusting.

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    2. well, that's the danger of writing 40 posts within a short period of time....his brain was on one theme only. lol....

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    3. Pfft I have at least one more
      All ready to go at my shore
      The poo just keeps finding me
      And so out it comes at my sea
      But Dez started it
      The blue guy even knows that bit

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    4. another one coming due?
      oh, this is just too much poo.
      I feel like I'm back in middle school
      with all this bathroom humor.
      lol....

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    5. LOL well this one found me
      And you will see
      Then it should rest
      Hopefully at my nest

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    6. The Blue Guy is gone and conveniently can't back up your claim Cat. You are a natural poo factory and no one needed to get you started. It just comes flying out on its own.

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    7. LOL well out it does fly
      Better stay away from the butt whether girl or guy

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    8. yep, the cat is spreading lies using the Blue one as the false witness....

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    9. Pfft the blue one said so
      With his poo, shit, strat, crap, etc. show

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    10. we really do need to wash his mouth with some soap, see what a bad influence he has on your vocabulary!

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    11. Maybe that is why he ran away
      To avoid such a mouth washing display

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. And he has to crack
      Isn't that whack?

      Delete
  10. Great post! This should be your next kids book!

    And you don't have to go to go! You could stay and go! Like a baby or an invalide!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL I'm sure I could make it work
      And it would make many smirk

      Delete
  11. "Give you belly a rub and eat honey by the tub." For some reason I really loved that line haha, great post Pat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I'll let Dez shrink you and find out why
      The cat doesn't even want to try hahaha

      Delete
  12. Um . . . this is quite the topic today. lol It kind of reminds me of a book written by the guy who did the Classic Star Trek episode "The Trouble with Tribbles". In his book he suggested that the reason the Klingons were so grumpy was because they didn't have restrooms on their ships.

    Yeah. That would hurt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha yeah that would surely suck indeed
      When walking on down the hallway all should take heed

      Delete
  13. I would like to start a diaper movement for all these barebottom animals who are about to crack. Anyone in?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pfft diapers cost too much for that
      So out is the cat

      Delete
  14. Apparently the vampires from Twilight never needed a bathroom, either; I remember reading a reference to it and thinking "WTH?".

    I guess that would be one (the only?) advantage to being a bloodsucker.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL yeah that is a fact we all need to know
      And I guess that is one and only advantage to being a blood sucking creep show

      Delete
  15. I'm outta here Cat. If I don't see you till the weekend I just want to say "I had a great time hanging out with you over the last few days. And as always you made me laugh when I need it the most." THANK YOU PAT!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad the cat can help
      But don't thank Pat with your yelp
      It was all the feline
      And having you around to make fun of is always divine haha

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    2. you make fun of her even when she's not here, cat, that's why the Alliance is out to get you!

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    3. Pfft she would do the same
      So everything is fair game

      Delete
  16. I think the reason I like pizza so much was because of the TMNT

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah they showed it a ton
      But it still always made me run

      Delete
  17. There's more than one kind of crack.
    Guess I won't turn my back, or smack
    I may get stabbed in in the back! Whack.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that wouldn't be good
      Rather get hit by wood
      The stabbed in the back
      Of course any pain causes flack

      Delete
  18. I enjoyed the pictures about crackless people specially the twin set ~

    Have a good night Pat ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Enjoying the crackless is fun
      Although maybe not a ton

      Delete
  19. Oh I loved this post it brought up so many great feelings and memories just by looking at the pictures. What gets me is that I have never given any thought to whether any of these characters had cracks until now that is........

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    Replies
    1. haha showing the crackless love
      Fits them like a glove
      And now thanks to my wall
      You'll never forget the crackless at your stall

      Delete
  20. LMAO!! I'm used to asking myself "why" after your posts, but this one takes the cake!!!! You forgot about CatDog. How does he go to the bathroom??? hahahaha Only you would think of this... lol

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    Replies
    1. The crackless is a winner
      Does that make you a sinner?
      And a cake
      I guess you'll have to bake
      Catdog was too confusing to use
      Each other they just abuse

      Delete
  21. The cat officially has way too much time on his paws.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If one didn't know that was true
      This certiantly drops the clue

      Delete
  22. I thinks it best to not have a crack....because you know... crack kills!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah and it is addictive too
      So I guess it's best not to go to the loo

      Delete
  23. I wonder how much time in my life is wasted going to the toilet

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL a ton
      As to the loo we all run

      Delete
  24. Even with pee and poo, you make the rhyming come due, turning R rated spatter into G rated matter. Well spun, and the toons were used effectively for sure. Actually you would think those TMNT's would've gained a few pounds from all the pizzas those dudes ate

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep that I can do
      No matter what comes into view
      It will rhyme at my zoo
      And they did beat up Shredder all the time on cue

      Delete
  25. The thought of it never even crossed my mind...

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