Thursday, November 1, 2012

Glitch Of A Witch Part Seven. This Thing Could Go Past Eleven!

That jelly bean guard Pat scared away had come back with enough jelly bean guards to fill a large food tray. They stood on the stairs ready to attack but Drazin was not about to let them cause him flack.
“Drazin has had enough of this candy shit. Drazin is going to use one pain in the ass to get rid of the other.”
My, the language that came from him. But Drazin did not feel things were grim. Unlike Pat who struck a pose, who he thought he was now, God only knows. Miss Priss and I just hid from view while old one eye kept whining that she was literally blue. Drazin picked up the broom Brian used and with the end he one eye abused. Yep, he jabbed her in the ass and turned her into a screaming lass.
“Ouch! You bald headed….”
The rest would really be rated R and we don’t need to go that far. Drazin just smiled as old one eye’s scream killed the jelly bean guard team. Her whining actually came in handy. Who knew it could shatter jelly bean candy?
“Damn, maybe I’ll let you live a little longer, demon.”
“Demons, gods, attacking candy, I want Anneeeee!”
“Anyone have any duct tape?”
Even Miss Priss was sick of her whining. WorqueenDan smiled as he/she came down the stairs thinking old one eye was done dining. His/her arms and gut came through the door, both that and his/her huge boobies sunk to the floor. He/she waved his/her magic liquorice stick when he/she saw us alive, not knowing how we were able to survive.
“Cyclops, you have disappointed my royal self. I will now stuff you, fluff you and sit you on a shelf.”
“Hmm Drazin thinks he has a thing for the one eyed whiner.”
“Let’s just hope he doesn’t fluff in the buff. That would be scary and rather tough.”
WorqueenDan waved his/her stick and once more we were as movable as a brick. But it was still hard to find this situation dire because his/her ass had more air than a dump truck tire. It was caught in the door way. WorqueenDan’s rump was just too big to let him move thanks to his candy tray.
“Wow sire, you could employ weight watchers for an entire decade.”
“Let me go, I need to find Annnneeee.”
WorqueenDan gave a yell and those Beer Guys came like he rang a bell. He waved his stick once more and old one eye was not able to roar. Some very sticky gum covered her face preventing her from being able to hum.
“I guess the royal thing has his perks.”
“Drazin just wonders where that gum has been?”
“Yes Demon, if it came from the bowels of that monstrosity that blue demon’s lips will never be the same.”
The Beer Guys began to push WorqueenDan, trying everything to move him, even a frying pan. It was not going well. WorqueenDan was stuck in his castle of candy hell.
“Bryan, didn’t we learn in nursery school a round peg can’t fit in a square hole?”
“He must have missed that part.”
“Probably eating to prepare for his royal graduation.”
“He was probably the stage at his graduation.”
“At least he saved on dough.”
“Which he ate.”
“The poor dough boy.”
“If you two don’t shut up and get me out of here, I’ll show you what I did to the dough boy.”
“What do you think a dough boy in stomach acid would look like, Brandon?”
“A car after this guy sat on it.”
WorqueenDan was really getting annoyed. Their banter was not being enjoyed. Although Pat gave a smirk and I have to say I was glad they were berating this jerk. Then he/she waved that stick and I guess he/she thought we could do the trick. We all started moving his/her way and the closer we got the more blinding the display.
“Drazin is going to get you fleabags for this. Not even a god can erase such memories.”
“To the great beyond we go. I hope there is no smoke monster hidden in those lumps.”
“Pat, shut up! My claws won’t even work. I would rather roll in the litter box.”
“Brandon, how come they get those big boobies and we get the rump?”
“Can you tell which is which? This guy is so plump.”
Old one eye had a look of fear the closer we got near. She was green and blue. I think she threw up in her mouth too. Before long she was lost in WorqueenDan’s belly, which shook way more than a mountain full of jelly. Drazin and Pat each grabbed a leg, if you can call it that, while Miss Priss and I tried pushing the blubber arms of this over sized rat. He/she seemed rather amused though as he/she kept looking down below. I hate to even suggest it but I think he/she liked certain parts more than a bit.
“This is getting nowhere. I need to flush you from my lair.”
WorqueenDan waved his/her stick and a hole opened up behind and in front of him/her rather slick. The Beer Guys had little choice and fell in they didn’t think it was a sin.
“The life of a ninja turtle.”
“Cowabunga!”
They were a tad off I’d say. We did not want to go back into the sewer or wherever that led from this royal bay. But we slowly drifted off toward the hole, each scratching the floor trying not to let him get his goal. Except for old one eye. She was still lost in the blubber of this girl/guy.
“Just because you can't see your holes anymore, does not mean Drazin wants to go down one.”
“That sounded bad.”
“Yeah, you might want to think before you speak, demon.”
Suddenly a shine filled the room and we expected more doom, as that hole drew near ready to suck up my little rhyming rear. Above Drazin was Betsy in a wonder woman outfit. I guess she really took the part to heart just a bit. She flew around half zombie faced and half not. She was kind of pokadot.
After a smile she gave a wave and pointed for us to go down into the black hole cave. Her magic candy whip came out and she hit WorqueenDan making him shout. Then poof, she disappeared from view and WorqueenDan grew.
“Is that even possible?”
“Honey, we blew up the already huge thing.”
The castle started to crumble as WorqueenDan let out a rumble. Actually I think it was a stomach grumble. This guy sure was not humble. He dropped his magic stick and we no longer had to perform a trick. But with the castle crashing down around us we followed the Beer Guys on their short bus. The group all jumped in the hole. I was the last to take such a stroll. As I did WorqueenDan was now the size of Godzilla stomping about. He actually gave a fee fi fo fum shout. Then his stomach expanded with even more fat and I heard old one eye cursing this cat.
“You poo playing..Anneeeee!”
Was all she had to say for as WorqueenDan let that gut expand out toward the bay, old one eye was launched through the air, flying off to God knows where. I jumped in rather quick as WorqueenDan stomped across the land declaring each candy tree he was going to lick. He was also going to take a pass at Thinkingcap, who he referred to as “the ass.”
**********************************
So King Kong Dan and Thinkingcap may end up in a fight. Both of them are surely a fright. Betsy as wonder woman too. This place is surely quite the zoo. Maybe her and Glory Dear will go have stew while WorqueenDan will suck Thinkingcap up his gazoo. Then he could fill in for the state puff marshmallow man on display and we could all be on our way. I doubt that will come to pass as down another hole goes my little rhyming ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.

83 comments:

  1. This is amazing Pat, love this series haha! I thought that the jelly bean guard situation might turn out quite nasty but they made it through it all and... nothing rhymes with nasty damnit but you get my point cat! Awesome lyrics dude, I hope that this motley crew doesn't turn into food.

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    1. Yeah old one eye
      Gave a cry
      And the jelly beans did die
      On the first try
      Oh what whining can do
      From a cyclops that is blue haha

      Delete
  2. woop, mix a too tall stay fult in the mix and you are in quite the fix, Anneeee, and jelly beans are an addictive thing, i cant eat just a few of those things, glad the censors had their day, you might get public indecency at your bay

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    1. Yeah quite the pain
      This candyland lane
      Hmm I will reframe from your eating habits though
      I hope you don't eat too many Anneeee's at your show hahahaha

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    2. i can eat a ton of jelly beans, too
      just another thing I share with my twin, it's true.

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    3. Geez grow a mohawk and you'll be as one
      That would look rather umm fun haha

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  3. wow, between you, working dan and the beer guys I don't need to buy any books any more .

    this was great, keep it up!!!

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    Replies
    1. A lot is in store
      Here at my shore
      Glad you like
      As Dan and all around take a hike

      Delete
  4. C'mon now! I'm not that fat! Now I'm going develop a weight complex! Evil cat indeed! I shoulda listened to Anne, she warned me about you, ye who flings cans of poo!

    And this wouldn't be the first time I had a round with Thinking Cap!

    Now that I'm so big I will crush you all! But I'm curious as why I'm king of candyland...couldn't it have been steak land or something meaty?
    It doesn't matter cat, you have broken the peace treaty! Now I'm gonna have to counter this with a story of my own, ye he made me so overgrown.

    Be wary feline, your time is nigh!
    I will come up with something while I get high
    My story will be rude as can be
    Just you wait, you'll see!

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    1. hahahaha no complex is needed to come due
      For as long as you avoid candyland it will never happen to you
      You and thinkingcap will square off before the end
      Godzilla vs an godly ass
      That sounds like a win to come to pass
      The candy just came into play
      As the witch sent us to that bay
      Maybe next time it will be steak land
      LMAO should have listened to Anne give me a hand
      Bring it on
      The cat likes any exposure at his lawn
      Rude is every more fun
      Should be interesting to see when done

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    2. WorkqueenDan you bloody well ate my Elsie. He who messes with my Elsie shall suffer doom, doooom I tell you.

      That goes double for you, you fetid feline offender!

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    3. Eat Elsie? That sounds a little x rated! I only ate her turtle!

      Anne, who's side are your on anyway? If I didn't know any better I'd say you are teaming up with the cat!

      Oooh that gives me an idea, a brilliant, awful idea! You both are gonna get it! Just you wait and see!

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    4. hahaha old one eye
      Got thrown through the sky
      After being sucked in the fat
      Of Dan at the candy land mat
      Pfft now afriad of you
      Or the things you do

      LMAO that does sound rather bad
      And all x-rated a tad
      Anne is a flip flopper with the cat
      She really dislikes it though when I chew vikingwoman fat
      Bring it on
      At your shameful lawn

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    5. Just you wait and see!
      The both of you will feel the wrath that is me!
      I will rake my shameful lawn with you
      It is on, war has come due!

      I will blaze up some bong hits and you don't want that
      For when I am high, I bring it on at my mat
      I will roll one up and take some tokes
      But it will be you who coughs and chokes!

      And as for Anne, no big thing to me
      I can dispose of her quite easily
      Her fake airline and imaginary troll
      Can't hang with me when I'm on a roll!

      Best watch yourself, you and her both
      I tend to get raw at my shameful show
      In your face comes the shame
      I am Workingdan, you will hate my name!

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    6. Oh God it does sound bad when you put it that way. Leave it to you Dan to read something dirty into it!!

      You love to chew that disgusting womans fat. Jesus Cat you work her fleshy folds like a worm in a burrow!

      Delete
    7. The more I read of this post, the more sick I feel LMAO

      Delete
    8. Bring it on Dan! I've survived the Wall of Shame and even my time in the cornfield with you and your missus!

      Elsie, they're men, they're born to be disgusting.

      Delete
    9. I will wait and see
      What comes from thee
      You can't harm me
      I will spin it around with glee
      And old one eye will cry
      Anne will damn the sky
      And the cat will still stand
      Not afraid of your shameful land
      So go get high
      Feel like you can fly
      It would help at all
      There at your hall

      haha should watch what you say
      When we are at play

      LMAO making you sick
      That is rather slick

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    10. of course you would love my spew
      it is fun to play in for you!

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    11. The cat will trade
      And you can play in his poo that will never fade

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    12. Well you know that shame is my name and "blunt" is my game
      So words tend to slip when I'm giving you the lip




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    13. Spew and poo....feels like old times....

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    14. Damn you brought out the worst in the cat
      I better go back to chewing fat

      Delete
  5. smiles...you would never do in the south cali traffic with just one eye you know...but there are kinda quite some zombies on the roads here...smiles

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    1. haha that is traffic I would not want to see
      All the smog would bother me
      And a zombie too
      That would scare anyone blue

      Delete
  6. I think that dough boy was at our door last night seeking candy!

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    1. He was there
      My that must have been rare

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  7. Well Anne is here and she's laughing her arse off. I knew you were going to emasculate WorkinqeenDan but this is just harsh Cat.

    I was hoping our Elsie would post today. I miss her out here!

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    1. hahaha the cat knows he can take it all
      And dish it back at my or his hall
      So nothing is held back
      Old one eye will sure come to cause flack

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    2. I saw her post. I missed it on my first pass because I autoposted and slept in. I used to be awake and getting ready to post when hers would pop up and I'd be the first to arrive.

      I can't wait for her to show up. She's going to give you hell for this you know!

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    3. I'm here - I have a plumber here so I'm a bit late showing up to everyone...

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    4. A plumber. Is he sexy or is he one of those guys with a belly hanging to his toes and his hairy arse crack showing?

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    5. Yeah the cat beat you there
      That is what you get for sleeping in at your lair haha

      So late
      As you oggle the plumber at your gate haha

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    6. ha ha ha, Anne - Let's see: plumber number one was a hottie. I'm now onto plumbers three and four at my shore...they are both quite the bore!

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    7. Damn, did they run from your one eye?
      DId you make them cry?

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    8. Plumbers are expensive and most are really ugly. I think it's a job requirement.

      I think they ran from the poo you left at Elsie's place. There were reports of floating "logs" in the water after the storm that appeared to have gone East from Canada. A few Pringles cans washed up on the beaches of the US shores as well. It's a conundrum that the reporters can't quite solve.

      Delete
    9. See the cat is just so slick
      They couldn't catch my brick
      Or pringle can
      And prob think it is some drunk man

      Delete
  8. how I told you before... you are crazyyyyyyy!!!!!
    I miss Elsie too:(

    Love Miss Priss!

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    Replies
    1. Crazy is fun though
      So I'll let it flow
      And old one eye will be back
      Miss Priss likes to cause flack

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    2. I miss her as well. This is the perfect opportunity for me to use guilt on my dear friend!

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    3. Pfft a lesss scary view
      Without old one eye, it's true

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. And even harder now
      Sure he'll get his some how

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  10. I'm in such a twirl about your tail..opps..I mean tale ...WorqueenDan is the main man..or is he/she.
    Reading this was such a thrill... now where the heck are my headaches pills.??
    :)

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    Replies
    1. hahaha so fun that you literally have to pop a pill
      Thanks to all the rhyming that I let spill

      Delete
  11. This was fun Pat ~ I like how you made Betsy a wonder woman/hero but what's up with ruining the fun of Elsie ~ We need Anne to the rescue too ~

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    1. Anne and Elsie will return
      Before we hopefully make candy land burn
      Never fear
      Not sure though when the end is near haha

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    2. When I arrive I'm sure the Cat will make me look like an eejit. He claims to have something horrid in store for me-I believe him!

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    3. We shall see when you come back
      You may or may not lack

      Delete
  12. Great story with a lot of lessons and jokes as usual.

    "Drazin is going to use one pain in the ass to get rid of the other."

    “Bryan, didn’t we learn in nursery school a round peg can’t fit in a square hole?”

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha glad you liked the story run
      And yeah had to have lots of fun

      Delete
  13. I'm glad the plumber is here replacing my hot water heater so I can take a hot shower - things are getting nasty, I feel violated!

    To have my mouth closed up with gum
    only makes me want to say yum!
    I hope it was a fruity flavor
    For that is one I can savor
    Drazin better watch where he sticks me
    or I will throw his ass out to sea
    and when I was trapped in Dan's fat folds
    I came across my lost turtle to love and hold
    I know we will land safely back at my own shore
    to live at peace with Anne forever more =)

    ~hey, it's the best I could up with ~ the plumber is making a racket LOL

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    Replies
    1. You're here!!! We have to somehow defeat the wretched Cat to live in peace and I fear that may not be possible as he's impervious to everything.

      Delete
    2. Peace does not come at a cost!

      I am neither Alliance nor sided with the evil cat. My hands are full but it's nothing I can't handle!

      Delete
    3. So you get dumber
      When there is a plumber
      Is that what you are trying to say
      As you rhyme at my bay? hahaha
      You may land
      But no place grand
      As you and Anne will have a fright
      After your little flight

      Pffft that will never come due
      Glad you know it is true

      Peace will never come
      So just suck back some rum

      Delete
    4. Me gets poorer
      when a plumber hits my shore(r) LMAO
      I'm already down a grand
      from his display at my land

      If I have Anne at my side
      then I'll have fun on my ride!

      Delete
    5. Wow one grand more
      And you will tie the vet bill at my shore

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    6. Those guys cost a fortune. And she's had four of them at her place so that bill is just going to go higher.

      You know I caught myself calling Fang Miss Priss the other day. I almost throttled myself.

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    7. LMAO stealing the cat's nickname for Cassie
      At least you didn't call her Lassie haha
      Yeah I bet it will be a ton
      As up the bill will run

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  14. Whoa, cat. That's a lot of rhyming from your rear!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That it is
      The king of this rhyming biz

      Delete
  15. WorqueenDan. That is an amazing name and it is hilarious. Also, at what point did we realize that it was a male as opposed to possible also female?

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    1. haha glad you like the name
      Adding to poor Dan's fame
      Not sure there has been a certain point yet
      It still isn't a safe bet

      Delete
  16. All that wishing I've ever done
    and finally I really am Wonder Woman!

    Poor WQD
    too many trips through Candy Land!

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    Replies
    1. haha we shall see
      There could be more to thee
      And yeah one to many trips around
      Where tons of candy is found

      Delete
    2. more?
      sounds like you'll ruin my score! ha.
      ok, for now I will enjoy my sexy outfit,
      lovely hair, boots and really cool bracelets!

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    3. haha and half and half too
      Don't forget you are half zombie at the candyland zoo

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    4. oh yes, that's true.
      Do zombies have a good side, too?

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    5. haha they might
      Of something else could take flight

      Delete
  17. Sorry I missed you yesterday Pat

    Halloween & witches certainly glitched my time on the mat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's okay to have a glitch
      Can't always go off without a hitch

      Delete
  18. I got a good laugh from it :)

    .......dhole

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I could help
      Giving a laugh and not a yelp

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  19. Late today...but enjoyed the adventure at your bay!

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  20. We hope they clean that litter box before rolling in it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that would be good
      Clean it they should

      Delete
  21. My old bat's
    Tummy's not flat
    In fact, it's fat!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well a little blubber is fine
      Even for a feline

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  22. Thanks for the laugh. You are amazing! Thank you for visit my blog. I love yours.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad it was fun
      Even though I think it was spun

      Delete
  23. Oh what a site. Such fun, in the tale, tail and whateverelse.

    And this is me. Sometimes I wish I am a cat.

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    Replies
    1. Sometimes it is best to be a cat
      You get to tear up the mat

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