Tuesday, December 18, 2012

A Week Before At The dVerse Shore!

Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the land
Not a blogger was stopping, not even the dVerse band.
Mr. Linky was filled above the bar with flair,
Shouting out the hopes of bloggers everywhere.

The poets were out with their usual tone,
Each glad to know they were not alone.
The cat cleaned the litterbox and Pat the floor.
Before giving a knock on the dVerse door.

When in the back alley there came a call,
That sent us flying as it bounced from wall to wall.
I peeked around the corner and loose trash,
Trying not to blink a single eyelash.

The moon's glow showing nothing but dough.
It seemed someone was robbing the dVerse show.
But before my glaring eyes a figure appeared.
It was worse than I had initially feared.

With a flexible midget, all hands and mouth.
It was clear this Christmas things were going south.
More rapid than rivers his cries came,
And he questioned and answered like that millionaire game.

"First, Licker! Then, Sucker! Then, Explosion and Spitter!
Show on Facebook! On Pinterest! On YouTube and Twitter.
A bit below the ribs! A bit below the belt!
Pop a mint! a mint! Sorry for the welt!"

As versatile and limber as that of lore.
It was clear jolly old Santa was a bit of a whore.
Up his pants went with all lickity split
His bag full of toys had some freaky shit.

And then, in a flash, I saw the elf.
Her sight gave me some timber myself.
As I shifted my head to an abstract view.
It was clear these two were not through.

He was dressed all in spandex from his head to toe.
Nothing was left to imagine from his glow.
A bundle of toys he had ready to show.
Lubrication and umm things in a big red bow.

His eyes how they winked! His nipples how perky.
His cheeks were like the snow, his belly like a turkey.
Her short little stature was packaged all neat.
It was clear she had tossed many a meat.

Some famous pills he held in his hand,
And you could tell they were his own special brand.
She had a plump bum and a round little face,
That shook other assets with each smiling embrace.

He was long and boring, seeming quite run of the mill.
I was surprised that each could give the other a thrill.
He spoke in a dialect that was unknown to I.
Poking and prodding, who was this guy?

With one final push there came a sly smirk.
It was clear he was very good at his work.
She followed him with a whistle and cheery wave.
It was clear she too liked what he gave.

The money was gathered before I could act.
In there somewhere I noticed a contract.
It was signed and legible to my eagle eyes.
And all I have left is a word to the wise.

Should two such creatures come into your view.
With jiggling racks and ding dongs so blue.
A rather good stabbing is about to come due.
With a contract that states between me and you,

You wave all legalities and accept what I do.
I hope you have a very special merry Christmas too!

So beware when you visit dVerse, you may see something rather perverse. But what it is I guess all can claim to make up their own notion as I just played the rhyming game. Yeah, I got a little bit dirty I may admit. But it was such fun to do it. Plus even snip snip the cat liked that lass. dVerse gave a thrill to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

84 comments:

  1. I'm laughing so hard, geez, I can't even type that word right now without tears running down my face! You just gave Santa coming down the chimney a whole new meaning. Whew! Six in the morning here and I'm reading Santa porn.

    Ding dongs so blue - LMAO!

    Maybe I do need to take Heaven's advice and join dVerse, after all? Who knew?

    Maybe I'll be back after I can get this image out of my head - great, now that's there too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha new meanings fly
      Today under my sky
      As the santa porn does flow
      So fun to give a go
      Not sorry for the image in your head
      So fun to cause such dread haha
      But then that is where your mind lead
      I just typed it out to be read
      Glad it was fun
      As that is what I went for under my sun
      And yeah can give dverse a go
      Easily at your show

      Delete
    2. Well, I did it, I linked up to dVerse but, I think I just be a lurker for awhile. ha ha ha

      Oh, you may want to keep an eye on my writing blog on Thursday cat...

      Delete
    3. It doesn't open until 3 est tonight
      That is when you want to link up to the site
      Way more around
      And you will be found
      And I will keep an eye or two
      As you show one at your zoo

      Delete
  2. jaysus there is some image in my head now, but it was really funny.

    His nipples how perky - awh just genius!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha perky they were
      Made my eyes blur

      Delete
  3. his belly like a turkey, ding dongs so blue...seriously sir, what have you been drinking, the egg nog is spiked chum when you start rhyming about santas bum...funny, i dont know how i found it, but on the web i came across it, wrapping paper featuring santa as a stripper, now that was paper that was quite the ripper...so off i go to visit the loo, now though its not for number 1 or 2, but to tass my cookies like intestinal flu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha you found the paper
      From yesterday's caper
      You were looking for it I bet
      Thanks to this pet
      And was not drunk
      Santa was in a funk
      And nasty to that
      Just hit the loo and not the mat

      Delete
  4. They're having fun
    Doing their chores
    In a year only once
    Santa distribute his toys
    Not to bother any one
    Just a little diversion
    They're together as one
    This annual occasion
    If you spy on them
    all black and blue
    The wintry cold to blame
    But other activities too!

    Hank



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah having fun
      As things are spun
      Under the night and not sun
      With each umm bun
      But the cold
      Does help things take hold

      Delete
  5. Watch out, Clement Moore!
    Pat Hatt is reaching your shore!
    He's turned your Santa to a whore
    with tricks in his bag galore!
    Ho ho ho!
    Look at Santa go!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Santa can be a bitof a whore
      I just had to explore
      A tad more
      Proving it wasn't just lore

      Delete
  6. Once at
    cross roads
    I saw
    such a thing.

    A man all
    in black
    with an imp
    as his friend.

    By moonlight
    and midnight
    a gleam in
    his eye
    a dagger
    he held
    but not
    very high.

    Guitar slung cross
    his back
    another man
    stood.

    The contract
    they signed
    in blood
    it was made.

    Cavorting and
    dancing a smile
    on her face
    the imp looked
    on with no
    little grace.

    For fortune
    and fame
    his soul
    he did sale
    'twas not
    just a game.

    When payment
    came due
    he went
    straight to
    hell, for
    Robert Johnson
    was his name.

    I think I've just compared Santa to Satan here Cat. Just look at the letters in the name, could be the same.

    This was a well written piece Cat and enjoyed it I did. Will be interesting to see what everyone makes of it today.



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah surely switched the words about
      With your shout
      But then you never know
      Santa could be a Satan trick on the go
      And have to avoid the crossroads
      Or become Hell toads
      Should be interesting to see
      What is thought as they visit me

      Delete
    2. Anne - this was great! Admit it cat, she did a good job with this one.

      Delete
    3. Yes she did indeed
      I can admit it just fine at my feed

      Delete
    4. Thank you both for the compliment, I will take it where I can get it.

      You had some great lines in here today Cat. "When I shifted by head in an abstract way" very nice indeed.

      I read the comments and the general consensus is that Pat needs to get a little some, some. Help him out Cat. Put a little cookie dough on it and set your Viking Woman loose and she'll take care of what ails him. Hhaha.

      Delete
    5. hahaha yeah all seem to think that
      Poor old Pat
      Not snip snip like the cat
      But fecked up none the less at our mat

      Delete
  7. Oh my goodness, what have these peeps done with the pub....

    I am laughing so hard Pat that I can't post a rhyming comment ~

    Just wanted to say ~ Have a Happy Tuesday ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha glad Santa and his thrill
      Let you have your laughing fill

      Delete
  8. Geesh, cat.
    You better get some and fast.
    It's obvious what's on your brain
    and it's driving your thoughts like a train!
    lol....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cat is snip snip
      And Pat prob throw out a hip
      So we'll just peep
      At the santa creep hahaha

      Delete
    2. throw out a hip
      let's see...which one of those positions...
      um, never mind....lol....

      Delete
    3. LOL prob wouldn't take much
      To do that and such

      Delete
    4. So now you have weak hips?
      Better not give anybody some lip.
      They could squash you
      and hurt a hip or two.
      lol.

      Delete
    5. LOL well actually more the ribs on me
      But I would not put a hip past anything with all the crap at my sea

      Delete
  9. I hate to have turkey belly

    gobble gobble like jelly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And it will shake
      Causing an earthquake

      Delete
  10. HA! Maybe I will give up the Santa Watch thing...he sounds kind of scary!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah might want to watch want you find
      Could be a full moon behind

      Delete
  11. Oh my. Santa in spandex? I think I'll stay in bed with the covers over my head, because that is something I don't want to see, even if there are fun goodies in his sack! (Yeah, and I agree with Betsy!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha well at least Santa would be interrupted with his deed
      And hmph agreeing with her at my feed

      Delete
  12. I always knew something just wasn't right with that fat old St. Nick!


    It's either that or you just need laid!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually prob both
      But since the cat is snip snip down south
      And Pat is screwed, not in the fun way
      Guess we'll just have to watch Santa's display

      Delete
    2. They don't call him jolly for nothing! lol

      Delete
    3. Jolly
      With balls err umm bells around Holly

      Delete
  13. ho ho ho-- did he say this..? if not, it was a mean spy, disguised as santa...and now you're in real trouble..ha...smiles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A spy you say?
      Damn, but he was ho ho ho-ing at least in some way

      Delete
  14. I'm genuinely in hysterics right now Cat, the thought of Santa being a sexual predator in this sense is absolutely hilarious. The best bit is about his pills which are of his own brand, hilarious work Pat, laughing so hard right now, take a bow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha glad it was fun
      Under my sun
      As santa went pill popping
      There was just no stopping
      And with a meow
      The cat will bow

      Delete
  15. Just as long as he leaves the reindeer alone!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that would be a fright
      And not a fun sight

      Delete
  16. orlin N cassie

    LOL !!!

    N we still like de merry f'in christmas box....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha will have to get yourselves one
      To hop in and out of with fun

      Delete
  17. OMGoodness...you outdid yourself with this one...haha
    An elf dressed in spandex
    A bag full of toys and some freaky s**t

    What next.... No... I daren't ask. You might tell LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You just never know
      What is going to show
      Here at my sea
      And fun to outdo myself with glee

      Delete
  18. You just wrote your newest best seller. Sex sells my friend, and Santa porn is gonna ROCK the world!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that is very true
      Not sure on the drawings that would come due
      Might be scary to see
      Under any tree

      Delete
  19. Replies
    1. Glad you think so
      Was fun to do at my show

      Delete
  20. Santa in spandex is funny :))(oh I can image)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Quite the image indeed
      Might make ones eyes bleed

      Delete
  21. This makes sense since St. Nicholas is the patron saint of whores. Why not he, himself, patronize them?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha saint of whores
      Glad I got it right at my shores

      Delete

  22. merry christmas pat: may your stockings be full of legs . . .
    and may Santa Claus drop many pressies in your open drawers ;D

    ReplyDelete
  23. We got the feeling Santa was a little different from his image from the last post too! Who knew he was so kinky, but maybe its from hanging with elves all year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it could be all of those elves
      Making santa have such toys on his shelves

      Delete
  24. ..Ho..Ho..Ho...?
    That's funny..yo...
    murdering Santa
    at your show...
    a guilty agenda
    my goodness..no...

    ....(T____T)b.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Guilt doesn't come to me
      It caused me much glee

      Delete
  25. There's sumfing quite hinky
    'bowt a Santa that's kinky.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And with an elf that is dinky
      He can do many a thing with a slinky

      Delete
  26. Oh god, I would have not answered the doors, turned off the lights and pretended no one was home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah good plan
      One of which I am a fan

      Delete
  27. it was a quiet day today in Blogging land. And I had no idea Santa was so dirty!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah will prob be queit for a while
      As all up the xmas dial

      Delete
  28. Hey Cat, I'm probably not going to bother posting again till after Christmas. All the gamers start painting for the Challenge starting tomorrow and it'll be a dead zone for a while. Now I'm off to the Land of Nod.

    Nitey Nite Cat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geez such a lazy arse you are
      But then i'm not writing nothing new until Jan at my bar

      Delete
  29. haha, this is so creative, not your father's santa lol Such a funny rhyme for the d'verse chime.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope certaintly not
      This santa will make ur eyes rot

      Delete
  30. This is great . Thank you, you made me smile.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I could get a smile
      As santa turned up the naughty dial

      Delete
  31. Santa sacrilege ! Shame on you. We know what your stocking will be filled with in a few days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cat has no shame
      That is why he has so much fame haha

      Delete
  32. So funny. What an imagination. I never would picture Santa in such activities.

    (I bought your book. So cute. Can't wait to read it to my grandson.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah not the picture one would want
      So had to do it at my haunt
      And thanks a ton
      Glad you found it fun

      Delete
  33. that was fun read pat! first smile since i started reading..it has been a sad week all over the world..thanks for lighting it up a bit :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I could lighten the mood
      And yeah has been sad and oh so crude

      Delete
  34. Great fun Pat. Yet another triumph of the rhymer's art.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad it was fun
      As it was sure fun to give a run

      Delete