Thursday, December 13, 2012

Stuck On Your Gift? Your Spirits Will Lift!

So the cat is here to help you all, like he always does at his stall. I mean your eyes got good and clear when the zombie feet came near. That has to help some. Now I will make sure your Christmas is not glum. For with these presents you can do no wrong. I bet your receiver will even sing a song.


Give them a chain saw.
It has no flaw.
They can scare away all in view.
Like those carolers that bother you.


Their own personal slave?
This isn't really a fave.
But some might like it I suppose.
Both of them curl my toes.


They will thank you for this.
It surely can't miss.
Some second hand smoke,
Making them choke.


If they are hard up.
Forget that coffee cup.
Give them a genetically modified lass.
One with a tiny green mass.


You could always give them a postman.
Many might be a fan.
They could get their mail fast.
Plus going postal is quite the blast.


Give them a huge thrill.
Increase their electric bill.
That will make them suck back the liquor.
Don't forget to put them on a clicker.


A parking ticket is great too.
It is surely something new.
A gift that makes them pay.
They will thank you one day.


Umm well if you want to scare.
Give them such an evil stare.
Don't forget the ho ho ho,
And to give off that Santa glow.


Why not just make them fat?
Then next year you can give them a gym mat.
See forward thinking works.
Twinkies sure do have their perks.


This awesome ski mask,
Will sure do the task.
Then next year no present will have to be bought.
For in jail they will rot.

Now you can't say you can't find a gift. The cat has filled the rift. You will all have an idea now thanks to my little meow. So buy away and spread the cheer at your bay. Maybe throw in some laughing gas and you will surely be thanking my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

75 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Glad it was
      As you take first and buzz

      Delete
  2. Gifts galore
    Need one ask for more
    Living creatures
    A common feature
    Can be a companion
    Big or minions
    Choices are many
    Just pass the money
    They come running
    None are fuming
    Whassup Doc!
    Just take stock
    A fine run
    All for the fun!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah all is grand
      Here in my land
      With gifts galore
      For every shore
      Even if not a win
      Sure it isn't a sin
      To give a gift
      To make ones spirits lift

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. hahaha going right to town
      With a triple crown

      Delete
  4. a genetically modified lass, now there is some class,
    like weird science, there are plenty who'd buy that
    i vote chain saw, so they can mawl
    what if we clothed the homeless with all the ties and sweaters
    that are given by those that should know better....i have a pink one
    i will donate, but need it to go on an ugly sweater date
    peace from the east

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. An ugly sweater date
      That would be interesting at any rate
      I vote give it away
      Be better for you at your bay
      And yeah a Weird Science run
      Many would find quite fun

      Delete
  5. now i am back in single digits,
    i can stop the lower class figits

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Back in the fight
      To be first at my site

      Delete
  6. This just enforces my theory that everything I learned about Christmas I learned from 80s and 90s movies.

    Randy Quaid, Hulk Hogan, and Carl Winslow all in one post? You hear that? Yep, that's the sound of me feeling old.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everything I know about Christmas I learned from movies in the 60s and the 70s. If you're old, then I'm dead.

      Delete
    2. haha well I must be up there too
      As I learned the same as you
      Better in those days though
      Now it's a bunch of crap that they show

      Delete
    3. haha geez old age
      Hope it doesn't result in road rage
      Or some zombie undead
      Then it would be off with your head

      Delete
    4. No my age doesn't bother me. Death, taxes and old age come to all of us eventually.

      Delete
    5. That is true
      But some do skip the taxes by moving to some far away zoo

      Delete
    6. It will work for me for three years....

      Delete
    7. Well that is a perk
      That won't make the taxman smirk

      Delete
  7. What funny list Pat ~
    I would like a personal postman so I don't have to line up
    and someone who will do the household chores everyday..ha.ha....

    Have a good morning ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha the chores sound like a nice perk
      And yeah those lines can make one go beserk

      Delete
  8. No pleasing
    gifts on
    this list
    just trouble
    galore from
    your shore.

    From the Cat
    I'd expect
    no less
    than that
    for trouble
    just brings
    him glee.

    I wonder what you're getting Pat for Christmas Cat. Fang gave me my present early, it was a dead baby squirrel. She loves me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Trouble is such fun
      It has to be done
      Here under my sun
      As I give a ton
      Pfft to Pat
      He'll find my present in the little box at our mat

      Delete
    2. You could put it on his pillow Cat.

      Delete
    3. That would be eww
      Plus he might make me eat it if there was such a view

      Delete
  9. Forward thinking. I like that!
    Next year's list done at your mat!
    This year you make them fat.
    Next year you tell them that,
    and give them workout stuff
    to burn off that extra fluff.
    hahaha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha glad you're a fan
      Of my plan
      Thinking a year ahead
      Can save lots of dread
      Be done by July
      Then completely ignore the christmas sale cry

      Delete
  10. Awesome ideas!!! I must be losin' it 'cause I actually think Bruce Willis looks kinda hot with that cig hangin' outta his mouth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha well that at least make one
      I can't say I agree under my sun

      Delete
  11. Fantastic ideas, mmm, maybe for the twins Im sure they will be happy with some of these LOL

    Anyway is nice because still I dont buy anything!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't buy?
      Geez slow or giving the bah humbug cry?

      Delete
    2. I have to wait to have money haah! and is true!!

      Delete
    3. haha yeah we all need that
      But bah humbug is fun at ones mat

      Delete
  12. where is Mary is she OK ?? I dont see her yesterday!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sure she will be about
      With her daily shout

      Delete
    2. Oh you mean today right?
      As just to clarify yesterday she was in sight

      Delete
    3. That she is
      With the blogging biz

      Delete
  13. I think the only thing Carol Winslow wanted for Christmas was for Urkle to move

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They could be true
      He may have wanted to free the Ghostbusters too

      Delete
  14. ah all the typical christmas movies!! I'd like a chainsaw please.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha it's in the mail
      But getting it there might be a fail

      Delete
    2. can't wait to prepare salads with this baby!

      Delete
    3. haha good luck
      And if someone comes you hate you could always give it a chuck

      Delete
  15. Some of these are gifts that some might not want. I love them all the same though buddy, great post Cat and it really made me laugh. My favourite verse is your little snide look at people who really go all out when it comes to Christmas lights. I can't stand these kind of people and I think that the intensely high electricity bill is the least they deserve and my anger's no swerve.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah give them a bill
      That does not thril
      And they feel ill
      Also sure some may not like them at their hill

      Delete
  16. haha...i think i need such a ski mask and then may rob a bank....smiles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just don't tell one and all
      Then you can get away with it at your hall

      Delete
  17. Things to make myncredit card say ouch!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One too many I suppose
      To cause your credit card woes

      Delete
  18. orlin N cassie; there bee a lot oh sad sacks heer coz twinkies wented outta biznezz !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geez never knew that
      Never liked them anyway at our mat

      Delete
  19. Those are great ideas for gifts! I wonder how my husband would like the modified green thing. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL you never know
      Could give him a thrill at your show

      Delete
  20. I'll take "Die Hard", even if Bruce looks these days like a tub of lard! :-)

    Greetings from London.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah he is a bit bloated now a days
      But I guess having all that dough pays

      Delete
  21. I thought for sure Anne would be going ga ga over Bruce!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess Anne had to hold it in
      Not wanting to go ga ga at my bin

      Delete
  22. I'm going to sleep early for a change.

    Nitey Nite Cat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Early I'd say
      I went an hour earlier than that at my bay

      Delete
  23. I'd consider your gifts if I didn't already have almost all my shopping done already. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah mine is done too
      All wrapped as well at my zoo

      Delete
  24. Forward thinking, aye!
    Green, slimy lass? Oh my.
    No one will mind these gifts
    If, with laughing gas, they're hit.

    You should say, "eureka!". :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eureka was also a great show
      But I could give such a blow
      And thinking ahead
      Saves next years dread

      Delete
  25. I see Gloria missed me.
    That is quite a sight to see.
    Glad I have such a fan
    among the Pat and cat clan.
    Yesterday I was a busy bee
    had no time hardly even to pee
    but today I am reading the list
    and you have given me ideas
    for some of the people I missed
    because I wouldn't want them pissed!
    Have a good day, at your bay,
    and a wave to Gloria, if she comes this way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah you have a fan
      As away she ran
      Must have spied you
      As I buried her in the dirt at my zoo
      And glad you got an idea or two
      For some at your zoo

      Delete
    2. Yes I still need to do some Christmas shopping
      Your site has my brain a popping!
      I will take Gloria as a fan any day
      any friend of yours must be okay!
      Smiles
      across miles!

      Delete
    3. Need to get on that
      Only a week or so left at your mat
      Plus lots of crazy nuts
      Out there at the walmart huts

      Delete
  26. Think I'll take the Chain saw for when
    I have to go shop at the store as it gets
    closer to Christmas...
    Bahhhh Humbug...hehe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha saw the door down
      At every store in town

      Delete
  27. Or get them drunk
    for smelling like a skunk...

    ReplyDelete