Wednesday, February 29, 2012

This Leaping Beat Needs To Take A Back Seat!

This will not do. Instead of 365 rhymes, I have to do 366 for all of you. That one whole extra one will make me go bust. I think my rhyming skills will rust.....hmmm.....or maybe not. As the Face it Facts are I can do a whole lot. But how dare those Ancient Egyptians figure this out and make me do another rhyme shout. This just throws off my whole groove. What were they trying to prove? Then the damn Romans came along and instead of saying they were wrong, made it officially a day. Oh the dismay!

With their ancient tools,
Who believes these fools?
5 hours, 48 minutes and 46 seconds off.
Bah who is going to scoff?

That still doesn't equal 24,
23:22:24 in case you were wondering at your shore.
So 37:36 is your extra time,
Don't you like math and rhyme?

So in 60 years you'll gain,
An extra 9 hours and 25 minutes at your lane.
Now you can't say you never have time,
For you have 9:25, isn't that sublime?

Oh but wait! There are more rules,
Created by more fools.
No year diviisble by 100 counts,
In the leap year amounts.

Except those divisible by 400,
Has your brain been plundered?
So if you were lucky,
And are still plucky.

At a ripe old age of 112 or so,
You gained a whole other day at your show.
Plus you gain almost double the 9:25,
Meaning a good day and a half, at least, at your hive.

What will you do with all that time?
Since it doesn't count, kill a mime.
It will make the world a better place,
May even get rid of some wrinkles on your face.

Then you can tell one and all,
As you give your cat call.
For if you are a she,
This one whole day you can chase a he.

Is that any different than the others?
Maybe for our mothers.
As the scaries and crazies won't go away,
No matter the day.

Maybe they will leap,
And fall into a hole quite deep.
Then for 365 days they will go poof,
Thanks to the leap year goof.

That would be grand,
No more crazies in rhyme time land.
I could give Flappy a push,
Then she's shush.

Strat! This has gone all to hell,
Stupid leap year had to ring its bell.
But I suppose it a good thing the Mayans had no say,
Or ever four years it would be doomsday.

See the stupid leap year can't stop me. I will keep on going at my sea. Even if I have to do 366 thanks to those Egyptian hicks. Now now don't get your panties in a bunch, my little insults pack no punch. For they are all long past dead to ever see what I said. Unless the aliens help, then they may yelp. But I'll give those probing guys some sass and never let them catch my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Things Seem To Be Getting Stuck. Really dVerse, What The Puck?

Take the round part away from the P and it will make more sense, trust me. Did I really need to tell you that though? If so, get out from under that rock at your show. But it seems dVerse is full of sticky goo. Brian must be neglecting his duties of cleaning the loo. Or they are just a germy crew. Either way this caused such a thing to come due.

There is goo on the floor,
Goo on the door.
My words still soar,
Yet it is a confusing roar.

For flodo comes about,
And soro makes one pout.
What the hell?
This goo can't spell.

Abpo is all the rage,
With hesp people stuck in a cage.
Sounds like the rantings of a mage,
Or low brains and high wage.

Raca dickity dock,
You have a mawa in your sock.
Made you look!
Now now don't sook.

Doso is the place to go.
To get loso with your flow.
What the hell that means I don't know.
Stop looking down below!

A mawa or gofl you will not find.
Maybe a knbe on your behind.
But don't tell the cat,
I don't need to know that.

A fibe sounds fun,
Does your cath want one?
Do I cause you brain pain?
Oh your poor brain.

Yeah! Like fuon I am sorry.
Pabr likes it gory.
Round and round the board you go,
A pop and it's a backwards flow.

With a sogo you will never win.
And gofl once more causes you sin.
For now you are feeling your rear,
Out of some germaphobe fear.

Well that is just wisi for you.
For refe time has come due.
I hate this damn goo.
dVerse look what you made me do!

Yodu sounds like a yodel of some sort.
Godo, some Drazin slang at my court.
You need to clean up,
And stop being a messy pup.

Or the dreaded soco will find you.
And you'll deal with the uppu.
The same forwards and back.
Really makes for a thorough attack.

So get your youp together.
Grab your baat in any kind of weather.
And shoo that damn goo right out the door,
Quote the cat forever more.

Make any sense of that? Do you see what was done by the cat? Hmmm I'll let you stew over those Face it Facts a bit. Yep! I'm a bit of a nitwit. But oh it is so fun watching that goo fry under the sun. I guess Brian just had to fold the laundery first and quench his thirst. Then he could give the goo a pass and it stopped sticking up the words of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Let's Explore Another Nut Job That Has Come Ashore!

This happened weeks back. The cat just finally had time to share and make fun of Pat at his shack..

So Pat took a break from his hermit status at the calling of some other umm apparatus and went on a date. Hoping the nut jobs were no longer his fate. I guess the prospective b&c looked sane. But as you can surmise from the title prospective b&c began to let the nut job clues rain. She was off her rocker and reminded him of a stalker, which he has had so not an oblivious lad. Not b&c material indeed which works well for the cat and his attention need. We'll go with TheWhere for this one as the cat goes on a rhyming run.

Signs TheWhere was a nut job and probably a slob:

1. TheWhere lived up to her name and asked questions all the same. Mainly, where do you live? Like that info Pat was going to freely give. It was asked 39 FING times! He counted all the chimes. So either there was some sort of amnesia at play, as he said the darkside and that was it to describe our bay, or sure sign you may get stalked and have your door knocked.

2. TheWhere also has to know when you go. Well maybe not that bad but she wanted to Facebook that Pat lad. Saying it would be fun to see when he was doing something and she could give him an easy ring. Find out more about him that way and they could Facebook play. No lie! Which confused the poor guy. What the hell is Facebook play? Even the cat is confused on that display. Oh well don't use that Facebook crap much anyway, so safe there at our bay.

3. Also to go along with the place of our lair for which she thought him not telling was rare, TheWhere said she could show up and surprise sometime. Thinking that would just be sublime. Right! Like the cat wants a nut job knocking on the door day or night.

4. TheWhere began planning already as her mouth ran steady. Saying how Pat could meet her friends soon and go camping with the loon. Like going in a hole is oh so grand and sleeping on the damn land. Not to mention being alone with a nut job rather stay home and watch What About Bob? But that wasn't it to her little fit. TheWhere was pretty much planning life down to the last drop, was surprising she didn't say where their bodies would flop. Ranting about having hair pullers too, they are rugrats for those confused of you.

5. TheWhere LOVED everything and I mean everything. Pat came up with some of the strangest things to say, which I'm sure many can imagine from viewing my bay and TheWhere loved it, loved doing it, loved it because he liked it and was truly a nut job with her love fit. Pat even contradicted himself just to see and she loved the first one and not five minutes later loved the second one he gave a run. i.e. I like A better than B, five minutes later, I like B better than A. Each one made her day. Any normal non-nut job would have said he was full of shit but not TheWhere, she just had a love fit. Then for the 39th time came where do you live at? As the bill was paid by Pat. Luckily he had cash so paid that and made a quick dash.

Suffice to say Pat got out of there fast wanting to put that horrible experience in the past. So the grocery store is off the list for potential mate finding sites and Pat will go back to being a hermit most nights. Then again after such a date, that doesn't seem like an awful fate. So rack up another nut job at our sea, kind of fills the cat with glee.

Now you know some extra nut job Face it Facts. The cat is so glad he doesn't have to deal with any of those acts. Maybe the snip snip was worth it, at least a little bit. And if you have not surmised yet don't fret. For if ever Pat brings one home where the cat tends to roam. To the cat she'd be a ball and chain. So that is what b&c stands for at my lane. Hope you enjoyed the nut job class and I'm glad TheWhere will never see my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

A Canine Comes To Visit The Cat Thanks To The dVerse Mat!

No mutts sniffing butts line today at my bay. For there is one the cat even respects at bush number three and with the dVerse statue play over at their sea, I figured I'd give him a run for it must be done.

A defined symbol lost.
Numbed by life's frost.
Knowledge carried within,
Found at the corner trash bin.

Allowance triggered, dismissing regret,
Gurgling deeper in superficial debt.
Going once riddance of worth,
Sprinkling storm upon earth.

Introverted invention stacking waste,
Blind to transparent paste.
Enlightened sale from mouse scroll,
Dollar a dozen, sell your soul.

Trivial indulgence of fame,
Antagonizing loss of shame.
Numbered in crowded mist,
Insignificant to polished list.

Irony blistering ego pours,
Wallowing in credit scores.
Swallowed trappings of shit,
Cobbled together webs knit.

Superior claims birth mountains,
Stock rising in penny fountains.
Wishes deaf on prying ears,
Championed by lingering fears.

Whimsical crossroads dance,
Faithless last gutter chance.
Dollar a dozen excluded baker,
Contracting forth another acre.

Designed fault seeking latch,
Naked eyes whispering match.
Confident approval applicant,
Melding into establishment.

Aggregation ventured, aggregation gained,
Wrists blemished once chained.
Numbed from twisted knife,
Defining symbol lost to life.

In death given birth,
To nothing of moments worth.
Argued superior failed to behold,
The canines loyalty in dismissing sold.

So the cat went a bit more profound than usual I guess and over a mutt I will confess. But he had something most humans lack, as they try to make it first down the track, shoving all those to the side in their so called quest for pride. Hachiko is the name of the dog in the statue above and loyalty is what the cat is referring to, which fits him like a glove.

Saw his human off at the train station every morning and waited until night, when the train would pull in and his human was once more in sight. Even after his human passed away, he stayed there day after day waiting for his return no matter the weather mother nature decided to spurn. Until the very day he passed as well and now there a statue does dwell. Didn't need or want gold and braved the cold, another reason animals beat most humans any day and that's all the Face it Facts today at my bay. There was my monthly profound pass and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Time To Attack The Label. Sadly These Are Not Part Of a Fable!

The cat was reading one of these things the other day and it sounded so stupid and redundent I had to give them a go at my bay. So time for some label fun, as I give some of the most pathetic a run.

"Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap."

Hmm I think somewhere along the way some wires got crossed or maybe they sucked on some unwanted exhaust. As it seems they contain what they say they don't need. Probably would have been a good idea if they had decided to re-read.

"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

So you don't need to purchase to be a winner but the details on how to win are inside what will spoil your dinner. Maybe it means after you buy one then no purchase necessary, either way seems they won.

"Remove the plastic wrapper."

On said instructions that you can't see until your remove the plastic wrapper. Doesn't these make them seem like an oh so wise flapper?

"The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position."

Do I even need to get into this one? The on's are there a ton. So even though I'm on, I won't go on and on at my lawn. No button to turn me on, is my on a con?

"Optional modem required."

I think someone needs a dictionary before they speak or their brains have begun to leak.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

So you take a sleeping pill to sleep right? To help you sleep through the night. I always thought to get to sleep you have to be drowsy during the course of it. Maybe it's a super secret way so you can sleep as soon as you sit.

"Do not eat if seal is missing."

Now this would be a wise thing to say so no food is tainted your way. But guess what? It must have been written by a mutt. As it says it on the seal. So if the seal is lost, you'll still think you've got the real deal.

"Warning: May contain nuts."

If you buy a package of peanuts and you expect chicken. I think you've been stricken with one too many blows to the head. For your common sense is dead.

"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball."

So you buy a toy ball and you have to be told at your hall that the ball is a small ball. What next? Telling you it will bounce off the wall.

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

Where the hell else are you going to put it? Some deep dark pit? Outerspace? I think whoever wrote this should hide their face.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

And the best of them all. You just bought a Superman costume for your kid at the mall. Now you have to be told it doesn't fly. Damn! You really should have bought the suit of that Spiderman guy. At least you could swing. No flying must sting.

Some Face it Facts on these things should be looked over fifty thousand times. But at least they make for good rhymes. The worst part of it all though, as there are nuts out there that need this to show. So if you believe a Superman suit can make you fly. All I have left to do is sigh and tell you to get a loonie bin pass. And that's all the labels today from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 24, 2012

The Cat Is Another Year Old Or So I'm Told!

The cat is now a big old three here at my sea. So that makes me what? Twenty one if you go by human years like a mutt. Pat fills my gut nice and good and as well he should. Got my very own steak and Miss Priss doesn't want to partake. So I get it all to myself and chew it down at my shelf. But speaking of food I don't want to be rude. I must not neglect those I occasionally detect and also eat. They are such a yummy treat. They helped the cat grow big and strong. Not looking back on them would be wrong.



This one just gets a mention because they cause tension and I have to get that fllea stuff put on to get the blood suckers gone. So they are crap and I'm glad when they take a dirt nap.

Who says the cat doesn't know how to treat a lady? I let her crawl some place shady. I nuzzle her with my nose and then down she goes. Okay, that last part might not be the way to a woman's heart.

These ugly suckers crawl real fast. But never fear, I soon make them a thing of the past. I stomp on them and let them run then I stomp on them again for fun. Then finally I chow them down. They are slimy but hey, it's all the same when it comes out brown.

I found one of these once too. It immediately caught my view. This thing thought it could hop higher than me. I proved it was no better than that blood sucking flea. Although it was quite the sight we hopped for a good hour one night. Yet it always ends the same with me chowing down at the end of the game.


When I am through no ants will be marching on and on at my zoo. The only one that shouts hurrah will be me when I pick them up on my paw and them slurp them down my belly. They tend to taste better with jelly.

These ugly suckers you have to catch fast or their taste doesn't last. They let loose all that webby stuff and it makes getting them down tough. They stick to your throat and make you cough them back up thanks to that webby coat. So it's best to crush them first and then eat them down in one quick burst.

But this one takes the cake and it makes me wide awake. As soon as I see one of these off I breeze. The thing zigs and zags and just when it lags, I catch it in my paw. But I never use the claw. For I have to let it go and chase it once more until it becomes slow. After that I end my attack and it too becomes a snack. Of course I must confess when I'm done chasing this everything is in a mess.

And what washes all that down? Why making a toilet paper crown. I mess with that stuff every day, as it rolls quite well and makes for fun play. I even eat a bit here and there. Unless Pat closes the door on me, which is just no fair. I need to learn how to use a knob then I can always have my toilet paper corn on the cob.

Of course there is the typical chow like stuff from a cow. But this is what truly made the cat big and strong. I know you humans think it is just so wrong. But as I turn three I just had to give a shout to all the yummy food that helped me get this far at my sea. I still can't get that blasted bird outside in a tree. But maybe that day will come to pass while for now I sit and watch wiggling my three year old little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Turning The Game Into Something Lame!

So a dumb idea has arisen out there, I know dumb ideas aren't rare. This one is still in rumor status though, but still you just know there is some nut out there hoping to give it a go. The Face it Facts are they want to make games on discs only work at one bar. Hell! I can't even say that. They really want to make their wallets fat and make it only play on one machine at your scene.

Which means if you have two consoles those greed hungry trolls won't let you take the game and play it on the second one. You can only use it on the first for your fun. This may seem okay at first to some. But let's say you are sitting on your bum playing Game A and another wants to play Game B. They are SOL because it was already played by thee. You won't even be able to take the damn thing to a friends place and use it without paying a fee or some other disgrace.

So not only do you have to buy the thing but you also have to pay to play it at another wing. That is the stupidest thing I've heard in a while and to some it may not sound vile. But they are doing this because they are whining about the used game market. So just sit right there and park it. For if this takes hold other companies will be sold.

Want to take your DVD
And play it at another sea?
Oopsy you are screwed,
Too bad so sad, who cares if we are rude.

Like those used clothes your way?
Can't have them at your bay.
Unless you pay some extra tax,
To wear them and relax.

Then anything electronic will come,
That gives off a hum.
Hell! You won't even be able to use,
An old smoke detector without paying dues.

Making you more a number,
Like some boring cucumber.
Because with this taking hold.
Letting less be re-sold.

Everything will be assigned a number corresponding to you,
And not another person will be able to use it old or new.
You won't even be able to have a yard sale,
As everything used will fail.

Or they'll have to pay a tax or some due,
On each and every item they bought from you.
Just to get it to work.
All because of some rich prick jerk.

Boo hooing over a dollar lost,
Saying it should cost.
For their billions already,
Aren't enough to keep them steady.

Pffft, a bunch of bull, once more showing how the rich bitch has the pull. I know I exaggerated a bit. But all it takes is for this stupid ass idea, or one like it, to go from rumor to hit and poof! Everything will suffer the same goof. Such a load of crap that deserves to take a dirt nap. Also it's deserving of any and all sass and can get strat all over by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

It's Round Four. If The Nuts Keep This Up, It Will Go On Forever More!

The cat has to brag first with a little burst. Almost 4000 views for the Rhyme Time theme. Still not a dream.

So this time I went from the psycho serial killer ones to those looking for naked buns. Sadly, humans ones are all they are looking for, which you will see as we go on the search engine tour once more.

rhyme with time

Really? You had to ask that. I'm not even going to grace that with an actual response at my mat.

The Grammar Nazi has his own fan club. Maybe they'll send him some grub.

"silver fox older gentleman"

The Grammar Nazi is being searched out here. Must be because he strikes fear and they have to see if he is near, so a car doesn't get rammed up their rear.

"super old dude"

Hmm this one wasn't as nice searching for him. Maybe they did it on a whim?

"natasha betsy"

You trying to create two in one? Fox's cloning must really be getting done.

"strange old men"

Well strange isn't bad. As I'm sure a strange lad, errr umm cat and you do have that door mat.

"superhero undies"

Look they even miss your comical whenever you want to post them posts. So they have to settle for other ones from other hosts.

Here come the flirty and some are rather dirty.

"dad wearing pants while mowing lawn ojke"

Umm am I missing something? Never heard such a joke given a ring. Are you supposed to mow the lawn naked or in your underwear? Should I even care?

"hot n bothered meaning"

If you have to ask this, you are sadly too young for bliss.

"safehousepoetry + sex"

Nothing like rhyming and doing it. That would take some skill I will admit.

"rhymes with condom"

Umm does quantum work? Either way just give the thing a jerk. Put it on and get going, never mind trying to make rhymes start flowing.

"jiggling jugs don't worry be happy"

Yeah, don't be sappy. For as long as you aren't Jiggle Jugs or Flappy, many people like that and you can at least say they aren't flat.

"bikini cages"

So the bars have bikini's to hold people in? If they are real live ones that might be a sin, but I think all the prisoners would want to stay. Hey, maybe that could be a new idea to put into play.

"bright yellow tramp stamp tattoo"

You think that is considered an easy mark? Beware, many could have played in that park.

All over the place at an alarming pace.

"if cows could fly"

That would mean every girl and guy would have to watch for cow patties falling from the sky.

"did have a recall on furbies for coming live"

Right! And I suppose that one night a cow really did take flight. Maybe you really had a Gremlin or even Critlen, just watch out because both bite.

"what do drunk eyes look like"

Something like that.

Then it leads to something like this, but don't quote the cat.

"most ugliest animal without face"

Hmmm don't you need a face to be ugly? Maybe it's back isn't snugly? Without a face it's just a worm. Oh wait! Mel Gibson did that A Man Without A Face movie, he does make many squirm.

"momy a spider bit me"

Well I hope it didn't bite you where that dog got bit. That just would not be a hit.

"kids movie guys puts an alien around his wrist"

Must be one small alien to do that. And yeah you confuse the cat. A guy put an alien around his wrist? Or guys shared the alien maybe even fighting over them with a fist?

"getting married-funny"
Well at least it's funny for one. Think he can roll over and speak, as well as play dead and run?

"poop scoop monk"

A poop scoop monk? Can he also slam dunk? Does he give off some zen to all women and men?

"dead fake bunny"

More with the damn Easter Bunny. I should start charging money.

"lump near the crack of my butt?"

No, I don't want to see! Go visit a doctor, not me.

"what happens when a condom is expired"

Umm a magic stork visits you and drops off a hairpulling, snot nose, diaper bomb when 9 months come due.

"farts don't trust them"

What's not to trust? Farting is a must. Can't say I'd recommend doing it during lust as the mood might go bust.

"hoa dare you fart before my wife"

I guess farting has come due. If she doesn't like it, don't come to view. For sometimes I have pass gas from my little rhyming ass.

Now for the more scary ones. Warning! Some of these might give you the runs.


"caged female prisoner"

I don't even want to know what you were thinking at your show.

"hot dog humping"

Now this is just scary and I'm sure it would be hairy. I would much rather watch a mutt sniff a butt, whoever wants to see them hump is a nut.

"hot dog bush"

Not only that but you want to see something that even more so disturbs the cat. I hope in some way your are talking about what you eat. Strat! Bad choice of words, I'll end this beat.

"playboy girl hot big boobs nice pussy"

You were just looking for a big boobed girl with a cat, right? I can respect your need for such a delight. What? I'm meaning naive? If you don't like it leave.

"old kissing lady with no teeth"
Enough said! Truly must cause dread.

And the winner this time is something not so sublime.

"big eyed nocturnal crack"

I know a full moon decides to show at night more than in the daylight. But I have never seen one with eyes on either side of the crack. I hope it stays that way at my shack. Clearly someone has such a fetish their way. I hope they found their big eyed crack display. That is all for this search engine pass, until next time crazy search engine using people, I bid adieu with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Only One Time Each Thanks To Some Dumb dVerse Peach!

Some dirty rotten bugger at dVerse wanted payback for the time I stole their purse. You know the tip jar thing. I gave it back with only a bit of money missing. They're too busy being all poetic to count it anyway. I guess they finally figured it out this day. For they gave the cat a stare and as I ate my tuna they laughed when I munched on a pear. Or peach I mean, see you got me so flustered at my scene. Now I can only say it one time, each and every rhyme.

Well Achilles had that little heel,
Ironman was a mean drunk.
Can't Get Right struck a deal,
And Pepe was a foul skunk.
Then came the peach,
Giving the cat something new.
Spiraling into the breach,
Of a new rhyme to view.

Mr. Cat, sir
What would you like?
What will make you purr?
dVerse still wants you on a pike.

Thought they could get me,
To start talking out my butt.
For stealing their money,
Like that Mel Gibson nut.

But I can't be stopped,
Or tripped up.
My rhymes may be cropped,
From their poision cup.
Still away I go,
And they don't slow.

Poor Odysseus had his lust,
Boss Hog had his greed.
Mentioning Lohan is a must,
And 7/10 celebrities can't read.
The later is nothing new,
As they fake being wise.
Using a lacky crew,
To ensure their disguise.

dVerse will rue the day,
They crossed my path.
For the peach dismay,
They will sufffer my wrath.

The health inspector,
Will be there shortly.
So hide that dirty film projector,
And stop making things get umm portly.

For my rhymes are magnetic,
Even with the peach.
dVerse can't stop the poetic,
Or screw up my speech.
No weaknesses can come due,
In full on the cat.
So shame on you,
For messing with my mat.

Thanks to dVerse the Face it Facts are quite clear. There is no weakness to be had by my little rhyming rear. Maybe an adjustment or two from a peach of all things could be waiting in the wings. But other than that you can't stop the cat. For a peach was able to teach that the cat can rhyme only using the last word one time. As you can see that is starting to pass, as I once again rhyme some same chimes with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 20, 2012

If haciendas ichwhen Does Not Make You Go Comatose. I Surely Will As Today You Get A Double Dose!

No, I will not post twice in one day, at least at my bay. For Working Dan whined and whined asked for a guest post. So one was done by this host. So after you're done Click here, although it's a bit more ummm graphic I fear.

Not only does Blogger have me still going Back to the Future in the comments below, where the time thingy seems to show. But some moron decided to make the WV crap, take a double lap. Hell! It isn't even double it's more like triple WV that has decided to bubble. Then they put that black smudge crap there in the middle of it and expect me to decipher their shit. Also the dirty rotten strats seem to have a thing against cats. Not updating the blogroll of people when I posted the other day and who knows if that will stay. Yeah, six hours later it did. Finally deciding to flip open its lid.

Yeah yeah yeah free! But there is a point when free doesn't cause glee. Making it become more of a strain with this stupid WV lane makes free the equivalent of giving blood to a flea. That's free too even if it is ewww. Don't believe the cat, check out these gross things I've had to type in when visiting each mat.

Comment is done
No WV, such fun.
Oops this one has it.
Before WV only annoyed a bit.

Now what I see is gross.
And sometimes one can't even diagnose.
What the hell the WV states.
Like some drunk dates.

felbeste preparar is grand,
certain joitiat can pound sand.
was ilitee and annoying too.
THE emananc knows it's true.

44blf comantones can bite me.
Gertyl TigMenat? Do you need to pee?
preseperatin escago must be heavy.
As leftior gosle broke the levee.

miller's dingitu
Brian, is this true?
WV seems mad at you.
Does a dingitu have a clue?

Annoyed by this crap yet?
I think it's a safe bet.
Typing it in is even worse,
Truly does make you want to curse.

Now times your annoyance by ten,
As that black smudge shows at each WV den.
Making it the wrong damn thing as you type it in.
But it's oh sooo free so take it on the chin.

Right? Glamrourous fretio Right?
So stupid that this thing took flight.
The cat would never say how to run a blog.
But in case you are in a fog.

I got rid of it long ago,
And maybe once a month, if that, a spam thing will flow.
So WV is big fat crap!
Make it take a dirt nap.

Turn the stupid thing off and make it need approval from you first.
Then you can still approve each burst,
Before they are seen,
Deleting those you deem obscene.

There is no need for a triple WV word upgrade,
So make the damn thing fade.
With words longer than whoopdi friggin doo,
WV needs to be flushed down the loo.

I questioned WV before at my shore, but that was just to see and I could see the points in having it at ones tree. But now! Now it needs to take a bow and get kicked off the stage. It needs to be poofed from each page. If I wanted to type medical terminology each day this blog would be a medical bay. I do give blogger props for the reply, after it got fixed of course, but WV has to DIE! As always they take one step forward fifty steps back and deserve each and every attack. Those words aren't even fun to look at anymore with their huge mass. So in closing WV can kiss my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

The Cat Will Have That Bird! That Is The Final dVerse Word!

The cat looked out his window today and saw this Pelican on display. The thing was acting as royal as a peacock and it would not even talk. So I was set to give him a shock and fight off his whole flock. For this bird will be in my tummy and I just know he'll be yummy.

So I gave chase,
Ready to pounce on his face.
But it took off into the air,
And that was just no fair.

But I was not going to pop a vein.
I would have that feather brain.
If not for breakfast than for lunch,
He would feel my teeth crunch.

So on the land I followed his behind,
Seeing more of his kind.
But those would not do,
This is the one I wanted in my stew.

He tried to lose me in the trees,
Using the buzzing of the bees,
To try and distract me,
Thinking he was home free.

But when I stole the bees honey,
They did not think it was funny.
For they ran after me too,
And the chase continued to ensue.

I climbed the hill,
And he snapped his bill.
A gnawed on his leg a bit,
Causing him to have a fit.

He once more took flight,
As I held onto his leg tight.
Those bees were catching up too,
But they had a queen to boss their crew.

So they quickly went back,
Forgetting about their attack.
This Tucan Sam wannabe,
Was not going to get rid of me.

Then came this snowy mountain sight,
I hate that cold stuff day or night.
But I was not going to let go,
Then the stupid thing threw me in the snow.

I rolled around as he flew fast,
Trying to make his lead last.
But that was not about to come to pass,
For I slid down the mountain on my little rhyming ass.

I ended up on this road in Timbuktu,
And stopped to use the loo.
I took a quick squirt,
Then buried it in the dirt.

That bird was starting to slow,
While I kept up my speedy flow.
I could taste the meat,
As I leaped up and latched onto his feet.

He hollered once more,
And smacked me against this stone floor.
Or would that be pillar?
I just need some filler.



So now I was stuck in some alien worshipping land,
Wasn't this just grand?
I did not want the probe,
And I'd chase this thing across the globe.

So I played hop scotch along the top,
And the poor birdie started to drop.
I hopped on his back,
And went about my attack.

He spun round and round,
Trying to knock me to the ground.
But that didn't come due,
Too bad neither of us were watching our front view.

As we crashed into this tower,
And  theTucan Sam wannabe started to cower.
For some dreadful looking guy,
Made the birdie cry.

He rang a big bell,
And damned us to hell.
I could not eat a slobbering bird,
All that water would leave me blurred.

But I was still hungry and needed to eat.
So I chowed down on the ugly guys feet.
He had slippers made of rabbit.
Sorry Nugget, it's just habit.

They still had all their meat,
And were a nice treat.
Not sure what it is with guys and slippers,
Or even flippers.

But I left with a full tummy,
Even though that bird would be yummy.
I hear the ugly guy and the bird,
Got married. How absurd!

That was my dVerse travel tale for the day as Reena took all pics provided at my bay. Wasn't that just a grand old time. I know some of you think eating that bird would be a crime. But the cat eats meat and rhymes with sass. Don't expect anything else from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Time To Go How Not Which You Humans Do A Lot!

Done a few how to things here and there, along with some what to do at my lair. But never did a how not, so I figured maybe you humans should be taught. Here are some Face it Facts on what not to do from the cat to all of you.

How not to win a war. I suppose if you are looking to the sky and not the ground floor, it may work. Although it would probably give quite the jerk. It might even flip upside down and then you'd truly win the how not to crown.

How not to escape the loonie bin. You'd be better off saying you were Rin Tin Tin. There is no way you would get out with this type of crazy shout. But if you're looking for more meds in your cup, it will surely be filled up.


How not to catch a fly ball. Bad enough you ran into the wall but almost kicking the other guy down below, that is truly a how not to low. Bet it was an in the park homerun that day under the sun.

How not to make a threat. This is a pretty safe beat. Each episode is 22 minutes or so. So that would be 264 minutes for it to blow. Hmm kind of off wouldn't you say? Maybe he meant five minutes come May.

How not to teach your cat to hunt. If you just let them be a lazy runt then you will be over flowed with these, as the rats will do whatever they please. Yeah, that is just plain ewww and maybe scary too.


How not to skateboard. This will surely scrape your behind giving you the equivalent of a hemorrhoid. If you insist on riding around on a piece of wood, some soft cushy mattresses would be good.


How not to create your own submarine. Did you think you could get out of this watery scene? The hole is what, ten feet deep? And if you were trying to park all you should do is weep.

How not to look scary. You may as well pick up a berry and threaten to use it. For this might cause a laughing fit. Stop or I'll shoot. Maybe he has a magic gun in his boot.


How not to go under the radar when you make your evil schemes. So you want to win at your fantasy league teams and don't want to be noticed one bit. Wearing theses things will surely do it. Errr ummm sure it will. No one will look at you like you're from crazyville.

How not to win a million bucks. Awww shucks, that elephant was just so big it must have been that wig. How crazy can one be? The moon is bigger than the damn sea. If we had an elephant like that we'd all be squashed flat. But at least she wins the how not to award. I'm sure that strikes a chord. I know it's so much better than a million dollars lass and never fear, you don't have to thank my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 17, 2012

What Dusty Litter Can Do. I Think It Made Pat Dumber Between Me And You!

The dumb litter was dusty as hell and that just did not go over well. So Pat dumped the whole thing out as none of us wanted that crap to float about. Cheap ass walmart, no longer will that crap jump into the cart. Anyway, he gave us a new kind and it works so much better for my little behind, then he took the old crap down to the garbage to take a dirt nap.

But of course even triple bagged it broke a bit, so Pat had to come back and sweep it. That was all well and good, until the idiot closed the door made of wood. For when he took the broom, he left the keys inside spelling doom. For the door locks as soon as it's shut, leaving poor Pat in a locked out rut.

The super was also out and about, meaning all Pat could do was pout. He had nothing to pick the lock but refused to sit and watch the clock. Down in the basement pacing for a while, probably for a good mile, he finally MacGyver-ed up a plan. Thank God he never had to use the can.

Borrowing a shopping cart from below, he wheeled it outside into the snow. He propped open the door just in case it did not work, but when he looked back he found it was closed by some jerk. So now he was outside in the cold, with shorts and a t-shirt trying not to let it take hold.

He looked up to Miss Priss and I, sitting in the window like we were laughing hysterically at the poor guy. We watched as he flipped the cart upside down and propped it up like a crown against a cement slab. He climbed it like a crab and then jumped off onto the small window ledge. I almost thought he would run into it like those birds from commercials for Pledge, or whatever it is. Same type of biz.

He held on and pulled out a stick, shoved it into the window side and gave it a flick. The first one popped open and off we ran. We weren't scared, just of the cold we aren't a fan. The second was a little tighter and wanted to be a fighter. But with a good clang it opened and in Pat came with a bang. He made it in, so even if the dumby locked himself out, I'll consider it a win.

Then with his keys in tow, he put everything back right at our show. But of course just as he got done with his MacGyver type fun, the super pulled in to the garage below and he was no farther ahead than if he would have waited inside with no cold or snow. The Face it Facts of this tale, quadruple bag crappy cheap ass walmart litter when it sets sail. Or just don't forget your keys then you can do whatever you please. It was fun giving Pat sass and now everyone knows thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Just For All Of You A Smashing One I Will Do!

Many seem to get a kick out of the smash a printer. So I figured I'd go about how to do it like Master Splinter. Of course if you are covered in ooze stay away, as that will surely give my OCD dismay.

You're printer is busted,
What do you do?
The thing that you trusted,
Just made red turn blue.

It creeks and it cracks,
And just won't work.
No matter the smacks,
Your printer is still a jerk.

Maybe the repair guy is magic,
And will fix it for you.
Oh this is surely tragic,
Costs more to fix than buying brand new.

Now after your trip,
Which was such a waste.
You carry it by your hip,
Wait! Why bother? Let's turn it to paste.

Drop the thing where you stand,
And go get a bat.
The feeling is grand,
As you take off your hat.

Raise the bat into the air,
And let the thing fly.
Who cares if it's rare,
The thing has to die.

Use that God given muscle,
And swing for the fence.
There is no need to hustle,
Be sure to give it your two cents.

It burns calories too,
So heed my advice,
Let the neighbors view,
As they scurry about like mice.

For it's a secret wish,
That they want as well.
Instead they swim like fish,
As you send the thing to Hell.

Smile at all the pieces,
Swing until you can't anymore.
Bet you find your anger decreases,
As you have won the war.

No longer can it creek and crack,
Causing you grief.
For with one final whack,
You are full of relief.

Throw the bat over your shoulder,
And just walk away.
Let the chaos smolder,
Leaving it's death on display.

Now printers will beware,
When they come to your shack.
No matter how rare,
They will hum and no longer creek or crack.

Now wasn't that fun? Don't you just want to go out and give smashing a printer a run? I found one that doesn't work. So just maybe I'll have to give myself that perk. It might just have to be done someday when I once more can see the warm sun. So don't let your feelings pass, smash that printer and don't forget to thank my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Time For A Globland Report Here At My Court!

It's time at my court for a round up to come due.
You might give a snort after such a view.
But you are on equal ground and it had to be done.
As I went around and spied on each and everyone.
I had to get the dirt and the Face it Facts,
No! I didn't flirt or do any stalker acts.

Unless you count my need to lick,
After seeing a dirty pic.

So to keep you all up to speed and on the ball.
I have done the deed and will give Globland a call.

Yes it's really a write,
Shut up! It's my site.

Cats are being caged and getting the snip snip,
The humpty hump raged no more after that trip.
Sundays for a blabber mouth have come to an end.
There isn't enough gas down south to continue such a trend.
A blue man is refusing to update and to change.
He thinks his eight tracks are great and will not re-arrange.

Have you caught on to my little game?
If the answer does not dawn your brain is to blame.

Ginger on the tongue is sweeping the land,
I think their bell is rung as they spit in back in their hand.
Digging in the dirt seems to be quite the craze.
I guess that sax flirt likes to make a dirt maze.
Rocket ships are being found in the roadside ditch.
Along with some gal all profound who must really itch.

Are you there yet or still confused?
Either way I bet you know I'm amused.

Fecking airlines are merging or whatever you call it.
But with such converging money has surely filled a pit.
A grammar hound has hung up his socks.
A slump has been found over at those docks.
Some bible thumping clown helps children sing.
I'd be embarrassed in that town to admit I owned the vhs of the thing.

This is not a trick and should come with ease.
Now make yourself slick and don't sneeze.

For there was a man who blew stuff up,
And I hear the bible belt wasn't a fan of his bagel hiccup.
Some rawkin robin is against Valentine's day,
Even offering a bobbin for a delightful display.
A birdie is in love with one and all.
How can that wannabe dove like what comes after fall?

I was a bit more blantant there.
So don't say the cat doesn't care.

Another has a thing for a spy named Chuck.
While one let it sing that he can't blog thanks to having to suck.
The Russians may come to lurk and invade,
If an angry guy gives a hum and his plans don't fade.
Always something food wise at this cave,
Which after heaven's sensual nude might be all the rave.

The cat has you thinking now?
If you figured it out take a bow.

There is music all around even if you can't understand.
But it's a pretty sound unless it's a can't hear the words band.
A third little pooch as joined ones shore.
Good thing they aren't like Hooch or they'd break down the door.
A goth critter came about as of late,
I think it was bitter and knew its cat snack fate.

Did you hit your head with that bow?
That must cause dread but don't have a cow.

A guy shitting on the basketball court for the game,
Really is an epic fail at any hall and really lame.
Some zombies and two guys had a thing,
I guess the zombie told lies and snacked during their fling.
Retro eighties and fake trailers are up for display,
Along with maybe some jolly sailers and a nerd who had to pay.

Watch your back for zombies I must say.
Those things just yum yum you away.

Seems to be a run on crows and the chim chim chireey.
Why? God only knows with a sip sip sir-y.
Lemurs are still lying in wait for their chance to shine.
Penguins seem to have of late caused them to whine.
Another is on the job search and quit the junk.
So he won't turn into Lurch and "You Rang" will be bunk.

Those lemurs are ready to attack.
Watch out for they run in a pack.

Some poor guy has classes piling up mid way through.
But to all the masses he states a pass will come due.
Tech updates are heard most every day.
But don't be absurd and find them at a certain bay.
Dragons have come to roost as well as of late.
I guess their fiery hell may be Earth's fate.

All these scary creatures are out and about.
If you see such features, run, scream and shout.

Some weird shaped hill also threw me for a loop.
I bet for a thrill he purposely made the thing droop.
Oliver! Oliver! Oliver! Stupid thing needs to silence itself.
Bloody Hell! Why did I have to go visit that shelf.
Once more that half naked girl was getting all groped.
I wonder if giving it a whirl came out as she hoped?

So if your brain still isn't lit I have to give up hope,
For you haven't got it and are at the end of your rope.

So now my court has come full circle for all of you.
If you can't understand the report than whoopdi friggin doo.
You know how I love to use that at my shore.
Don't say suck a lemon to the cat or I'll break down your door.
I hope you weren't confused and caught on to my report view.
But if you were abused once more whoopdi friggin doo!

I know how to distract you with gas.
Maybe I should release some from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

This dVerse Will Ruin The Mood. Yeah, I'm Rude!

All are getting lovey dovey their way, just makes me cringe at my bay. Not over the lovey dovey stuff. But that people actually believe in this stupid day of fluff.

So if you came here expecting the cat to subscirbe to this, you may end up giving a hiss. But never fear, I won't just rant today as you peer. For with my little rhyming rear, I may make you shed a tear.


If that doesn't ruin the mood I don't know what will. But then again I won't knock you, much, if he gives you a thrill.


Here is my true heart. Don't you want to add it to your cart? So there we go, now on with the dVerse rant at my show.

So one whole day?
To celebrate lovey dovey play.
No wonder the divorce rate keeps going up,
With so many subscribing to this hiccup.

Easter has a chocolate egg pooping bunny,
Birthday's you get money,
Halloween has dress up and treats,
Christmas has lots of different beats.

But a guy in a diaper brings romance?
With a real strange looking stance.
Plus he likes to ram an arrow up your ass,
Do all become brain dead until this day decides to pass?

The only point,
Is to increase the revenue of each corporate joint.
Giving this dumb day any meaning than any other one,
Is just buying into the crap those corporate idiots spun.

To many the cat could come across as a scrooge over this day,
But if I cause dismay.
Maybe you'll wake up and smell more than roses,
And stop looking at a guy in a diaper with weird poses.

Instead of showing it one whole time a year,
Get off your damn rear,
Do it each and every day,
I bet more lovey dovey will come your way.

Plus it will be on your terms,
Not that of such corporate worms.
But than what does a cat know.
You humans buy into anything with a pretty red bow.

Hope I made your Valentine's Day with my rhyming display. But if I caused sass, I can take it, as I know at least I don't worship a guy in a diaper with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Don't Touch Me! Tagging Doesn't Go Well With My OCD!

Maybe if you wash your hands first, I'll allow a light tagging burst. But other than that keep your germy mitts off the cat. Okay, if it will keep your hands off and stop making you scoff. The cat will answer all of you, who made all this tagging come due. But the Face it Facts are, I don't tag at my bar, even though my hands are clean after touching you they could get germy and I might get mean.

So there is RCB with some random facts, R.gers with his question acts, Zap McBlowfist adding some more and Miranda with questions galore. Let's see what they have in store, as I explore their questions at my shore.

Random Facts you say? Here are five for display!

1. The cat must meow as he digs a big hole and a big hole is the goal, for if there is no big hole in place the cat will not go and instead chew on a shoe lace.

2. Speaking of which, I could make you bitch. For if you come to my shore and leave your shoes on the floor, as soon as you look away. Bye bye shoe laces is all I can say. I like velcro too, but wearing those really doesn't say much for you.

3. I chirp in my sleep, a whole heap. I'm told I stick out my tongue too but I don't believe Pat between me and you.

4. I secretly stash away toys under the couch, stealing things causing Pat to be a grouch. But shhh don't tell, he may drop me in a well.

5. If you eat toilet paper take my word for it, it still doesn't mean you don't have to wipe off the shit. Just some advice as I've tried it more than twice.

Time to give R.gers a go, with the question flow!

First video game you ever played?
Duck Hunt would be it, sure was a hit.

Favorite game console (Wii, Xbox 360, Playstation 3, NES, so on so forth)?
SNES is the best, beats all the rest.

Favorite video game?
SSBM I will say but SSBB just causes dismay.

Who do you think is the greatest character ever conceived in video games?
Booger Man! Of his pick and flick adventure I am a fan.

Who is the greatest villain?
No one, as they all die a ton and never win, what a sin.

Best weapon in your opinion (can be any game)?
The booger flick and pick as it can really stick.

Biggest pet peeves in games?
Loading and glitchy crap, those need to take a nap.

Your greatest gaming moment ever?
Umm no idea at all, as I've played and beat many at my hall.

If you were a character from any game, what would you do?
Jump down the hole to see what is there. If I die what do I care for I'll just come back and go on the attack.

If given enough time and resources. What would be your life goal?
To make the world a better place. Can you see the "yeah right" look on my face?

Do think this it the eleventh question?
Nope, as there are more below you dope.

Zap McBlowfist giving more questions to make me type and hurt my wrist!

1. It's Xmas time, who would you most like to have round for Christmas Dinner?
Chicken of course, I eat it every day without remorse.

2. What is your favourite day?
Friday, Saturday or Sunday will do, the rest I work so ewww.

3. If you could steal an idea and have it as your own and get away with it would you?
If the idea was a million dollar idea hmmm maybe, but then I'd split the dough with the idea person easily.

4. When cornered by 15 Gypsy's how would you escape? Fight your way through or charm them with a dance?
The cat would flash them his ass and then give some rhyme sass, they would be all confused and their brain's abused. Then I would just trot by, watching as the poor gypsy's cry.

5. Do you love guns or pop music more?
Definitely choose guns for some pop artist that hurt my ears, lets just say they'll be walking with lead in their rear's.

6. When was the last time you nearly or actually got caught having a play with yourself?
The cat's been snip snip, so nothing their to flip flip.

7. In how ever many words it takes describe your most passionate encounter with a Delicious scone or cake.
Blah! That enough? If not tough.

8. Do you have any spare money for me?
I could send a penny to you? Would you like me too?

9. Would you stop a fight in the street?
Depends who the fighters were, if I'd bother to ruffle my fur.

10. If you could change the colour of your wee as it came out would you? (more for boys this one)
Why? Does color matter with the things you want to try?

11. I love you do you love me?
No! Now no more touching and go!

Miranda's turn to suffer the burn of the answers I retort here at my court!

1. If you could travel back in time, what period would you most like to see?
I go back to before the time when the last humans expired and see how they were wired.

2. What is your favorite tree?
Anyone that doesn't smell like dog pee.

3. Do you prefer the sandy beach or a cabin in the mountains?
Take the cabin in the mountains any day, as all that sand is a bitch to clean up as it's such a big litter tray.
4. Which celebrity do you most resemble and why?
That stupid cat in the hat, but he has nothing on my mat.

5. Fill in the blank. I would never ______________________.
I would never leave the thing blank for my OCD would make me walk the plank.

6. Coffee or Tea?
Neither for me!

7. A date with Brad Pitt or jumping out of a plane?
I'll take the date with Brad Pitt and through my wit, get him on the plane. Then oopsy! Out he goes without a parachute and falls like rain. Until he goes splat. Aren't I a fun cat?


8. If you could donate $1,000,000 to any charity, which would it be?
The charity of me oh that causes such glee. What? Don't look at me funny. Okay, I'd only keep half the money. The rest can go to the other animals out there. They just better not come crowd my lair.

9. What is a place you've never been, but would like to visit?
Australia would be grand, but who knows as I haven't left my land.

10. What is your favorite sweet?
Do Pringles count? If not, don't eat a single other one in any amount.

11. Who do you admire most (anyone alive or dead)?
I admire something that has sass, is crass and can pass gas there lass. Yep, you guessed it, my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

What's The dVerse Deal? Who Cares? For You Figments Are Not Real!

So dVerse has gotten all philosophical at their place and that put a smile on my face. At first I was going to do the whole nothing is something or something is nothing lap, but sooo many nothings and somethings in one place would make you take a nap. But what do I care? As according to Solipsist theory it's just me at my lair. You are all a figment of my imagination and anything you say came from my brain each and every day.

You're so full of pink rainbows!
I changed the way your mind flows.
Oh take a nice long bath.
Sorry! Mind creations you will suffer my wrath.

I'm going to watch Due South.
See! I changed your mind, blabber mouth.
Stop making me jump up and down.
Why? Does it give you a frown?

I won't comment anymore.
You just did at my shore.
Go figure out the meaning of the universe.
See I won't even let you curse.

I am going to hurt not you.
Well whoopdi friggin doo.
My mind is my own.
Did I just change your tone?

No matter what you say,
It's just from my mind display.
A figment is all your are,
Those who come near and far.

Tell me this or that,
It was dreamed up by the cat.
If it is something I couldn't know,
It was pre-progammed in at my show.

And is now just showing itself,
Coming off my brain shelf.
You cannot win!
You figments are from my brain bin.

All is not lost,
I will let you talk at a cost.
For I need some company I guess.
The world would be quite a mess.

If  the cat was here all alone.
Hmm hold the phone.
It already is pretty much.
And as such.

All could blame the cat,
You figments better scat.
Even poor Pat.
The food he gives is making me fat.

Or is it all in my head.
Did you get what I said?
Of course you do.
As nothing but a figment are all of you.

You figments all gather around for now I ge all profound. Live as if you weren't a figment of my imagination at your bay and go back about your day. Isn't going all solipsist at my sea great? Since you are a figment you must be able to relate. Or maybe with this philosophical pass, I could, maybe, sorta be talking out my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Sun Needs To Get With The Program. Enough With The Spam!

You wake up and have a look and oh it's nice and sunny at your nook. The sun beams in on your face. The window just has to be open at your place. Poof! You open it up nice and wide. The stupid sun lied! For your arms get rather bumpy, things shrink so you can't get ummm humpy and things get perky too. But that you knew.

The stupid sun is just a prick making you fall for such a trick. That damn thing needs to get on board the train and stop yanking ones chain. If you are bright and sunny be warm if not go away and let it storm. Don't show yourself if you aren't go to warm things up. Can do that with a coffee cup. Or at least those that drink that stuff can, the cat or Pat isn't a fan.

The sun is a fake,
Ignoring the freezing lake.
It looks like it can make you bake,
As soon as you wake.

But then you get a chill,
Denying you of a thrill.
Unless you pop a pill,
Or have a mighty strong will.

Make it so all is nice,
And you will get no spice.
Melt the stinking snow,
And let the grass grow.

But not too high,
Mowing the lawn can make some cry.
Especailly if they are clusty,
Or a little putsy.

And chop off your feet.
That would not be neat.
I guess with no snow,
Have to be sure to have ice at your show.

Move closer if you must,
Bring on spring and lust.
The winter just sucks,
Even for wandling ducks.

It freezes up trucks,
Heat also costs bucks.
Make the cold go poof,
And stop weighing down the roof.

The ice sickles can kill too.
That just won't do.
Letting those things remain,
That can really cause pain.

So do the cat a favor,
Change the season to a different flavor.
And stop trying to be tricky.
That is just icky.

Anyway, you have been told and I don't want any more cold. The same goes for too much heat. So set your power on repeat and make it just right, evening, noon and night. That is the simple Face it Facts for you. Now make it come due. If not I will have to get really crass for you freezing off my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 10, 2012

11,000 Comments Galore With Some Back Talk From Some Of You At My Shore!

The cat was checking out the comment count and found it was up over the 11,000 amount. Not bad for a year or so. I had this idea for 10,000 at my show. But Pat comments back so damn much that it was distorted a touch. So I waited for an extra thousand or so just to offset Pat in the comments below. But what is the point you ask? It is a very simple task. Those that landed on 1000, 2000, etc. got a question asked their way and here is the questions and answers at my bay.

11,000 = RCB
Why do psychics charge $1.99 a minute instead of winning the lottery?

I've heard it's a fact they need $1.99 a minute exact. They don't want US to accuse THEM of cheatin'!

10,000 = Anne
Why is it called an airline? If they don't fly in a straight line do they get a fine? If the airplane isn't in the air, is it still an airplane or just a plane? Almost done, don't pop a vein. Why is it an airport if it isn't in the air? I know, too many questions, but you're number 10,000 so it's fair.

1.  Planes to transport here and there
above the ground, not down below
they line the sky
on sylvan wings aglow.

2.  A figure eight is fine when
done on ice;
but in the sky
you just might die
if drunken pilots fly
unifned.

3.  When sitting around
in no hurry to go
a plane is just plain,
you know?

4.  By flight of fancy
the name was given
by Brothers Wright
at a pub one night,
after pints of ale they drank,
and named the place
the plane will go
by where it whence had come.


9,000 = Betsy
What do you do when you view an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Squash it like an ant?

Grab a water bottle and give a little spray!
Offer him some hay.
Tell him money you will pay
If he'll just go away!
Act like a horse and say neigh.
Bring him a tray
of something kind of grey.
Offer a ride on a sleigh.
Come back on Saturday.
Don't stay!
Look away!
Say, "What the hey!"


8,000 = Claudia
In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the feather or the pony macaroni?

haha...i know nothing of that song,
so my answer may be wrong
but if i were a pony,
and someone called me macaroni,
i think i'd smear tomatoe sauce
around his nose


7,000 = YeamieWaffles
Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have a single toe?

Awww, being put on the spot? I'm not too keen.
My brain's connected dots? Though they wouldn't place it on the spleen?
Would the body have rot? Or would it be all clean?
Is the answer to that not? I'd put it on their ass but that's too mean!

I'm running out of flow for this Pat Hatt, rhyming show.
And now I've stole your lines, just no no no!

I guess I'd just put it on their fingers or their heel really. Hope this answer's at
least adequate mate!


6,000 = Elisa
Why do they put holes in crackers? Are they slackers?

Holes in crackers,
'cause they're attackers.
Who puts holes unless they're backpackers.

Backpacking attackers they scare me forever,
better than Miss Priss. Are they, wait never.


5,000 = Bersercules
If you shift out of sync and can walk through objects, people and walls. How is it that when walking down halls, you don't fall through the floor? Too much of a chore?

Actually if I got the power to walk through walls and people and cars and doors
I would fall right through any floors

In fact it happens all the time!
Thats what happened to many people that disappear!
People think there kidnapped or killed in a crime-
But thats just not true they're just not here-

They just fell through the floor
To never be seen anymore!


4,000 = Elisa
If a kid refuses to sleep at nap time, are they guilty for resisting rest? Come on, try your best.

Guilty of rest,
Or guilty of zest?

If a kid plays and plays,
Like running in a maze.

Then they'll take go to sleep
Of my vengeance they'll reap


3,000 = Betsy
If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59pm and his head pops out at 12:01am, which day was he born on? Need to see it on a jumbotron?

The baby's not born 'til it's born!
Oh, don't look so forlorn!
A birthday on the second day
is better anyway!
But seriously, breech and then not?
That's some imagination you've got.
And all that changed in 2 minutes flat.
Bet that mom was saying "Strat!"
That's really quite a birth.
Wouldn't wish that for anyone on earth!


2,000 = Betsy
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny? Don't look at me funny.

But I always look at you funny, honey. :)
Let's see. Which would it be?
Which came first
the cloud or the sun burst?
I think they mean the same thing!
It's just a matter of taste which one you sing.
Optimistic people say partly sunny,
wanting to make lemonade, smile and be funny.
Pessimistic people would say partly cloudy
they would frown and look all pouty.


1,000 = Brian
What was the mind set of the first person to ever see a cow and think "I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"? I won't judge your shout.

to die of thirst is probably wurst
tongue all swollen clogging your throat with its growing
leaving you breathless and choking, (not in a good way, mind
you like that night in a pannsylvania bungalo---err)
any way, so man tried rocks, but they chip teeth
and truthful only return your spit for relief,
chewing grass just gave it flavor, it was wet that he avered
so one day he saw old bessie, for a heffer she was mighty hefty
had these bangs hung down below, a little like the ones
he had at home (but he'd never tell no one that
cause that would be the end of that) so there they swayed
heavy and gurgly so a plan in his mind came a lurking
as he crawled under neath ol' bessie got frazzled
kicked him in the head and he was a dazzled
but try and try and try again he did, behind tall reed
in disguise he hid, but each time she got the best
till one day he caught her a rest, and popping
that pink dangly thing in his mouth, milk was discovered
from the lands to the south, but after minute of enjoying her dream
bessie woke up and he got creamed, for its uncouth
to sneak a nip off the udder and what she did to him
will certainly make you shudder


LMAO! Weren't all of those grand? Give the 000's a hand.

Yeah the Face it Facts are true. I went through all those comments and counted down for the one that came due. Also surprisingly enough, none of them landed on Pat's retort huff and puff. I guess the rest of the regular crew that come to view, poor Fox, just have no luck when it comes to the 000's in the comment box. Maybe for 21,000 they will and then they too can have a retort thrill. So today you got their sass, which was such fun to use by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Screw You Nancy Grace, Whoopdi Friggin Do Is In Your Face!

Robbie Raisin is here once more with an encore. But today I have to skip the game show for this blithering nonsense continually hits a new low. So I will save you all the trouble and bury that crap in rubble on the double, but I won't burst your bubble. For it involves a body part and isn't for the faint of heart.

Will I be repeating that same old crap over and over, sounding like a parrot crossed with a rover? Nah! I'll leave that for those poor distraught celebrity over and over again yappers news hounds. I wouldn't want to show up their looped rounds. For I have gone out and found witnesses and experts that aren't shady. Sadly I couldn't secure a Brady. They were too busy singing over their lunch, what a bunch. I'm sure these guys/girls are the next best thing. So what is the awesome story I bring?

The Zombie Foot
Myth? Legend? Or Fact!
(I know such a nasty looking act)


The powers that be seem to be hiding this one under their tree. Humans aren't going full on Zombie like the movies would suggest. It's only their right foot, forget the rest. They can't find the cure and don't want to alarm. I hear in Area 51 they have a zombie foot farm. But I know you want the cold hard Face it Facts, as we wouldn't want any zombie foot people to fall through the cracks. We have to herd these people up fast before the plague gets vast. But what are the symptoms of zombie foot carriers? For that news I sought out a reliable source and broke all the barriers.

Reliable Source
I've gathered plenty of intel on this disease and it seems it can make your brain freeze. Don't believe me? Just look at the people I've had to study.

Jannie Funster
I eats me shingles and counts me pringles.
(mixed up speech)

Brian
I know but i need my sleep just like betsy, will return in the morning dry, not wetsy...hopefully
(wetting the bed)

Betsy
My tongue went numb because of ant spray
(Wrong use of cleaning products)

Elisa
I laughed so hard that I just coughed up a lung
(Losing your insides)

Besercules
If you prick us do we not bleed? If you starve us do we not die? If you stick us in a room with video games do we not play them for endless hours!
(Asking questions in threes)

Nathan
I do want to go to Char­gogagogmanchargogagog­charbuna­gungamog

(Ability to prounance such long names)

Leon Kennedy
My hat's off to you sir

(Taking hats off)

Interwebs Fails
My brain is drunk

(Excess alcohol abuse)

Dezmond
Penguins had to resuscitate me
(Mixing humans with penguins)

MRanthrope
but the only hammer I work about is Lord Google's (BAN)hammer

(Bowing to figments of ones imagination)

Birdie
Sorry i think i'm here by mistake
(Amenisa)


Claudia
Sometimes i think it would be nice to get the flu
(A want to get sick)

DWei
I never have any luck with these things but maybe this time I'll be lucky.
(Further proof for the want to get it)

D4
Yeah.. I'm with DWei.
(The need to copy)

The Angry Lurker
It does hurt...thanks...where's the paracetamol

(Not knowing where it hurts)

Sundersartwork
Money counts, to help you bounce.

(Bouncing on money)

Baur
Is that a place in Africa

(Not sure where they are)

Infiniteplans
U can't touch this

(Developed a fear of touch)

YeamieWaffles
This chair sounds so awesome.
(Thinking furniture can talk)

RCB
Lots of bad-breath villains trying t kill me lately
(Paranoia)

Anne
A telly I don't possess
(No TV)

Mama Zen
I may never go again
(The need to hold it)

Hank
The boobies sure raise temperatures
(I guess that's normal)

Mary
But I've gotta run, as Elvis has left the building
(Hallucinations)

Daydreamer
I start to itch as soon as my dog begins to scratch
(Enough said)

Silver Fox
You should have heard the high notes I could hit
(Change in pitch)

Slamdunk
Thanks for offering something that I can take and abuse others with.
(The want to scare people with the zombie foot)

Al
Spider bites on dog balls truly appalls.
(True, but who looks there?)

Gloria
Playing with Wet Willy
(Sure...)

Jax
The two naked men trying to crack each others backs almost made me gag
(Poor gag reflex)

Ed
I have such a football field where no real catches have been made but it exists every week
(Seeing imaginary fields)

R
Nice rhymes!
Great rhymes!
Great rhymes with nice pictures!
(Repetition)

Now you know what to look for as the symptoms grow. But for more information on this scary disease, I, Robbie Raisin, put my life on the line in order to appease. I visited some of the carriers of this plague and even though some were a bit vague, I got the inside scoop to keep you in the loop.

RCB
I need a drink. Or a new brain, whichever is available.
(They were so confused)

Other Mary
I think you'd better get your armor ready
(They were violent)

Grace
I am doing the hammer dance gig

(They danced a jig)

Max Evel
U can't touch this!
oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh

(See what I mean?)

YeamieWaffles
There's no way I want to end up like bird head
(Paranoid and bird head?)

Silver Fox
Should've given my comment a semi-colonoscopy before I hit "publish," eh?
(Just sounds so wrong)

Fred
Uncovered the baloney behind the phony
(Searching for magical things)

Daydreamer
They'd all fart at the same time and set light to them with such a woooshhh!
(An increase in gas)

Hank
Do we have the luck Against all eventualities
(Always wanting to win)

Mama Zen
Can't we just call Ben Affleck?
(Relying on actors)

Anne
Is an idea that came from the bowels of hell itself
(Scary talk)

Al
But my favorite show by far: What else? My Mother, the Car
(Made me watch the worse show ever)

Gloria
Swimm in the loo
(Enough said)

Jax
They are just a bunch of jelly bellies
(Obsessively needed to poke bellies)

Slamdunk
I need to drink some more Mountain Dew and try again
(Thought Mountain Dew was the cure)

Ed
I'd like to see someone push a moose
(Daring the others)

Claudia
I would use that glassy toilet any time
(Wanted to be seen no matter what)

Bersercules
Oranges... rhyme that...
(Ridiculous challenges)

Elisa
I love how so many of these comments are about hairy backs/back shaving/back in general
(Obsessed with back hair)

Betsy
Freaky Fickle Flavicon Flip Flopping Fearlessly
(Enough said)

Betsy
Now hold on a sec as I grab my wooden spoon mic and have another read and sing as loud as I like
(I said it was enough)

Betsy
Cough cough wheeze...oh, sorry, did you say something?
(Losing their minds)

Brian
crap it ate my comment
(Thought crap could eat comments)

Brian
This was a gas, so i will leave it on your ass
(There was continuous ass looking)

It wasn't a pretty sight. Thank your lucky stars I didn't show images so you can still sleep tonight. Is there a way to counteract this awful plight? For that I took flight to the CDC and this is what they told me.

CDC Person
We have discovered nothing about this disease as of now. Other than they are crazy like a mad cow. They seem to be saying the first thing that pops in. Just take these examples from our recording bin.

DWei
The most interesting one is "There's poop coming from my ceiling".
(Don't want to know how it got up there)

RCB
Usually when you type these words, you end up my freaking way
(Who's typing?)

Silver Fox
Your supply of Pringles is amazing... and a tad scary
(Scared of pringles hmmm)

Fred
Lets lay down flat as we can and pretend we're like a tree, that would be cool woopee
(At least he's having fun.)

Gloria
That I crush with all men
(Enough said)

Birdie
Makes me feel to vomit
(I hope she aims for the bucket)

Grace
We got allergies, and we like our toilet
(Just what I needed to know)

Al
But...is it more than fun than a barrel of monkeys in bunched-up panties?
(Quite the visual)

Jax
I did witness my friend puke in his shoe
(Just had to blurt that out?)

Bersercules
Yay! You wrote a whole post about me... I think... I'm not sure... I don't understand it all...
(Complete and utter confusion)

Anne
I'm trying to keep my mouth shut. It's not easy
(Saying that thus proving it's not easy)

Jannie Funster
What would be worse Than 29 long needles From a bitchy nurse
(God only knows)

Claudia
My brain's a mess after reading this..full of stress...think i need a nurse
(I guess they need a nurse bad)

Dezmond
You would be strip searched and we would discover THAT you're not a penguin
(A growing penguin fetish)

Brian
Pinching my nose so that the stink you stunk passes, gases from asses kill masses of people each year
(The poor masses)

Betsy
A fogging stall and a talking flush? That's enough to make me blush

Brian
er gross, guess that was not flavored oxygen i was sucking down

Al
So THAT'S why my cereal tasted funny this morning

Betsy
Yes, icky! and kind of sticky they aren't at all picky to chew on electricity

Brian
Great i get the blame for what spills from your brain
(Make any sense of that conversation?)

Mama Zen
People like that drive me crazy!
(Amen!)

Fred
Those shoe flies are bad news I'm telling you
(Maybe they are the cause?)

JAX
A bug free crack is just the way I like it
(Umm, hmmm, errr, so wrong!)

Silver Fox
And as far as John Smith being "such a cad," haha... What if he's not, but the other person wants to spread vicious lies?
(Anyone have an answer?)

Orson
I agree with the Silver Fart that #1 ain't got the stuff
(I guess that will do)

Hank
An asteroid like a ball is round It rolls away easily on the floor
(Must be one mighty big floor)

Daydreamer
Good grief, need a pill now to settle petal
(Bloody Hell!)

Mary
I think I would be driven wild By a super yappy adult or child
(Hard to avoid both)

Betsy
You're so snippy with your zippy words newcomers would think we're absurd!
(She talking to me?)

Fred
Artsy-fartsy is ALWAYS a good thing
(Don't do both at once.)

Miranda
Every one needs snow butts on a Monday

(Let it snow)

Zap McBlowfist
now we just neeed more women to randomly do this

(Just imagine what "this" is)

Mary
Fingers switched with toes could INDEED cause a problem!
(And it just gets worse from there)

See what I mean? A truly loony tunes scene. So that is the report on the new plague sweeping across the planet. I say bury the zombie feet in granite. Maybe with no air they'll go back to being a normal pair. Let's hope this gets under control before your zombie foot decides to take you for a stroll. I'm glad I could share this with all of you and I know it was a little out of the blue. But the people need to be told while the powers that be just worry about their gold.

This was a Robbie Raisin exclusive report. Sorry if it wasn't short.

********************
The cat would never chew on that foot, ever! That thing is so nasty I think I'd sooner sever the thing than let zombie foot fling. So glad it's only spread to you humans though, meaning the cat is nice and safe at his show. I will hide until this thing starts to pass as zombie foot doesn't sit well with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.