Saturday, June 30, 2012

Tarsier Man Sniffs A Butt. Or Maybe That Was The Mutt!

Tarsier Man saw an ad.
Lost puppy of some lad.
So he decided to help,
As the reward made him yelp.

A zillion dollars if found.
So he set out in search of the hound.
He searched under the bridge,
And in some old ladies fridge.

I guess he has a thing for that.
But was scared away by the old bat.
As she came at him with a broom,
But slipped on a mushroom.

Tariser Man is a slob,
As he eats on the job.
The poor lady was threatening to sue,
So he ran from view.

He tripped over a dog walker,
Who was quite the talker.
So he chatted her up,
And amazed her with his theme song hiccup.

Then he swiped a dog,
She had plenty and was in a fog.
He painted it up nice and neat,
From its ears to its feet.

Then went to collect his reward,
A zillion dollars would make him a lord.
He would have his tune sung all day.
From bay to bay.

He went to the lad,
And he became so glad.
But then the pup had a pee,
All over Tarsier Man like he was a tree.

Tarsier Man's suit of bark,
Now had a big wet mark.
He used the mutt to wipe it off,
As the lad began to scoff.

For the paint came off as well,
And things weren't swell.
For Tarsier Man met the dad,
Of the crying lad.

His eyes surely went pop,
And they flew off as his body went flop.
Then he noticed the real pup,
Play with a coffee cup.

So he became wise,
And used his eyes.
Tarsier Man stuck them inside the mutts ears,
And brought him back expecting cheers.

He wanted his dough,
But the father said no.
And let him go,
Telling him to scram from his show.

The kid was nice,
Thankful still for Tarsier Man's eye popping vice.
He thought it was cool,
As the mutt continued to drool.

He gave Tarsier Man the zillion bucks,
Which had pictures of ducks.
Not even a Canadian loonie
Or even better a toonie.

It was play money,
The flip side had a bunny.
Tarsier Man got mad,
And almost lashed out at the lad.

But then he heard,
From a chirping bird.
That someone had lost a dog,
To a dog walker in a fog.

They were offering a big reward.
And that hit a cord.
Tarsier Man picked up his borrowed mutt,
And took off for the hut.

Wanting the reward money,
Thinking it was funny.
How he saved the day twice,
Just by being ever so nice.

Now doesn't that work for you? This crazy nut job coming due once more at my shore. He saved the day by causing the dismay. A running theme with the bugged eyed creep. I don't think his thoughts run too deep. But never the less I guess he fixed the mess. And so another one of his tales have come to pass and it had to be told by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, June 29, 2012

A Different Whoopdi Today Is At Play At My Bay!

FYI all your numbers were bad, didn't win a thing for that Pat lad. But it did not go so trying one final time this weekend at my show.

They've been coming since I can remember,
These who's its and what's its galore.
These fowl loving men and one eye totting women,
Just keep showing up at my shore.

So it's high time I gave them a name.
Something that fits this weird breed,
Like a gawker to some loaded Irish dame,
And a Blabber mouth with an attention need.

But what can you call this crew,
That collects my pringle cans,
Likes whoopdi friggin doo,
And have become such devoted fans?

Petsy's cat collecting zoo?
Penguin Man's Walrus humping dancers?
The Gawker stalking view?
Blabber's two shoe prancers?

There is just such a dictionary man type mix,
With Heaven residing around,
And Mary's dogs doing tricks,
While Workingdan's crack is found.

What am I to do?
With this ungodly crew?
Give a whoopdi friggin doo?
Or rather whoopdi friggin crew?

Off in the distance comes a Glory Dear,
Making Matt's wallpaper peel.
Thinking caps bow to my rhyming rear,
While Daydreamers think and reel.

For it has been found,
With no more round and round,
Or a butt sniffing hound,
Like Sherry's who leaves a brown mound

Whoopdi Friggin Crew!
Whoopdi Friggin Crew!
No one gives a whoopdi doo,
About the whoopdi friggin crew!

Not golden eagles,
Or gut totting beagles.
Not Hank and his rainbows,
Or at Adam's did you know shows.

For whoopdi friggin doo,
All are just a whoopdi friggin crew.
That is always here to view,
And bow to my rhyming gazoo.

Take solace in my rhyme,
Except if your a mime.
Otherwise say what is true,
Join the whoopdi friggin crew.

As you are funny looking too.
But whoopdi doo,
I don't give a poo,
Dez, threw that in for you,

Whoopdi Friggin Crew!
This rhyme has flew,
And now each lad and lass,
Are part of the WFC who visit my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Payback Has Come Once More Today At My Shore!

So the cat got that thinkingcap back enough for now with a simple rhyming meow. Now the tutu thing she may have drawn but a certain Blabber caused the idea to dawn. For which the cat must get even in full today and so I must break my word and reveal Blabber's deepest, darkest secret at my bay. Words alone can't describe her fascination and embarrassing umm infatuation. So some pictures must come due, as I will be fair and show all of you why such a secret resides and comes and goes like the tides.

It all has to do with this place, where Blabber never shows her face. It isn't the food she seems to like and so we must delve further on this secret revealing hike.


Yeah that is the look she gets when she stares at the screen. The Japanese even have to calm her down because she makes such a scene. Her secret is a biggie too. Just like you can see in your view.


She is probably starting to pant now and maybe even french meow. As her lust is growing with this showing. Yes, you are right. I already said it wasn't food, but something else is there in sight.

That is right. Her uber secret that she holds close day and night, is her love for the Wendy's man, for even though sadly he has passed, she is his biggest fan.


I mean how can you pass up a guy that can split in three? And with those sunglasses one version is as cool as can be. Fitting in with her NY crowd. Blabber should shout out her love loud and proud.


Even look at how he holds his flipper up. She's probably drooling in her coffee cup. Drinking your own backwash isn't so nasty I suppose, as it's all the same when down it goes.


With all those fresh veggies she just fell in love and feels like she has the wings of a dove. You should hear her go on about the guy. Sadly, no one will ever live up to him for her, so why even try?

He even delivers himself and we all know how she likes hard workers at her shelf. So that helped fuel her fire and by now she's probably expelled enough hot air to fill a tire.


And look he cooks things right in view and leaves lots of leftovers for more of her crew. This is just too much, I better stop before she is too hot for those Japanese to touch.


And he even tells all when you have done a job well. Blabber must be hot as Hell. She won't cool down for days after I set her ablaze. My pageviews will jump 1000 times over as she comes back looking at the pics and drooling like rover.

So there we go and now you all know, the biggest secret Blabber hides at her shore. I know I said I wouldn't tell but that is what you get and a whole lot more, when payback comes to pass. Now all know once more to never cross my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Pick A Number And You Could Be Rich After One More Slumber!

So the cat is looking to have a golden plate and make winning the lottery my fate. Yeah I know the odds are 100000000000 to 1 or so but you just never know. But that random crap just doesn't seem to work and so the cat is going to offer a perk. For all that help win you will also get loot at your bin. How does that work you ask? Well it is quite an easy task.

If you want to win,
And have a Scrooge money bin.
Simply give a shout below,
As normal at my show.

Open to all,
Who have at least once visited my hall,
And get here before I give the tickets a run,
Probably after working and lurking is done.

For Pat is going to buy a ticket or ten,
Depending upon how many chime in before then at my den.
You just give a number between 1 and 49,
And Pat will add them in the order they come in line.

So for number one,
It will be Pat that gives it an intial run.
Starting with 24,
As that is his favorite number at our shore.

Then from there,
It will go in order of those visiting my lair.
So the first 6 will go on the first one,
And the rest so on and so forth under my sun.

From there we shall see,
If the power of the blog people can't help me win at bush number three.
And if the winning line is a number you give,
Then Pat will also change how you live.

As for each of the numbers given from you,
On the winning line, if it were to come due.
Pat will send you a check for a million bucks,
That will surely buy all plenty of new trucks.

So show off a number below,
And after a slumber you could crow.
That you became a millionaire,
Or pretty close at your lair.

With the exchange rate and all,
A little less or more may befall.
But close enough,
And I'm sure a little less or more won't be too rough.

Now let's see if the blogger world can win,
That would be a good story for some news bin.
And a lucky six,
Could win from their picks.

So help Pat with some numbers today,
Between 1 and 49 for display.
Then you could help yourself,
Just an experiment at my shelf.

As luck is not on my side,
So let's change the tide.
And win the big one,
Then Pat will give the six a ton.

Doesn't that sound like a good idea though to see if a win could show? I know chances are never going to happen what so ever but let's try such an endeavor. Just give your number to me and I'll use them to buy a ticket at my sea. Then if the jackpot is won the number givers for that line will receive a ton. How does a check for a million bucks sound to you? Wouldn't you want it to come due? Then you'd never again have to mow the grass and always thank my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

This dVerse Will Suck With Any Luck!

Another dVerse I missed way back when I was doing other things at my den. But it at least doesn't make me think, not that I ever do much of that at my rink, and gives me an idea with ease letting me pick at my fleas. But it is one of my most HATED things ever! Especially because it makes people not so clever. I'd rather gauge my eyes out with Irish Air's grapefruit spoon or get frisky with a raccoon. If only I wasn't snip snip. Anyway, off for a vampire trip.

I want to suck,
And push my luck.
Also getting a hump,
Feeling up your rump.

While I suck you dry,
For I'm a dead guy.
Or girl at that,
Oh the dismay you cause the cat.

Let's scream at the dead,
Yet let them chew on our pretty little head.
Which is full of nothing but air,
Although it always was to be fair.

Maybe the vampire blew,
As his sucking came due,
Putting more air up there,
Creating a Twlight affair.

Sickening to think,
About screwing something that must stink.
I mean dead for 10,000 years,
Surely would give my ocd fears.

So throw them in the light,
Stab them at night.
Stick a fork in their eye,
And make them die.

Wait! They are already dead,
So chop off their damn head.
Then stomp on it for good measure.
That brings more pleasure.

Than some yum yum snack food bar.
Run them down with your car.
Instead of becoming a cow,
For a dead thing to make into chow.

But oh no!
They make you glow.
Blood is so good.
Drink it all we should.

Get an STD,
Without the glee.
Just suck back some blood,
And roll in the mud.

Or would that be hay?
Guess it depends on the time of day.
Stupid air heads ruining it for all,
Letting such Twilight shit fall.

And that is just what it is,
One big shitty biz.
As technically they are eating what comes out of you.
So they are the equivalent of a toilet sucking away your poo.

How is that for an image to think about?
As vampires are like a trout.
Swimming around in people poo,
While they chow down on you.

Not so romantic now,
Is it you tasty cow?
But oh no one still will pay,
For such a God awful display.

Where the exact same thing happens every time,
And they think it is so sublime.
Meanwhile the cat will go eat a dove,
As you enjoy rolling in poo, getting STD's and being a cow with your vampire love.

Is that enough hate for one day? I hope I caused all vampires dismay. Suck sicko things anyway and the humans are nutcases on display. Poor me, I'm all broken up over a dead guy or girl or maybe both. But you know all you have to do is head south. There is a graveyard there with tons of dead. So if you have heart ache over your dead thing don't worry your pretty little head. For many more are under the grass and yes I am crass but it is deserving of any vampire loving lad or lass at least in the opinion of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, June 25, 2012

What Would You Do If This Were True?

So Gawker Island is toast and now it is time for another long arse one at my coast. But instead of me picking who goes there, like I usually do at my lair. I will let you do all the work while I sit back and smirk. The best answers will surely come due and in the next one you will all be part of the crew. Some with little answers may bite the big one fast and the better ones could surely last. In one form or another I suppose So let's see how it goes. Answer away today at my bay and the best will get you in the next big one for display. Bad ones will still get you there you just may get eaten and pay death's fare.

1. Creepy Crawly things have taken over everywhere and you have a choice at your lair. Do you go it alone and try to survive or do you join up with others to stay alive?

2. Stuck in a building with Creepy Crawly things all around and a working elevator is found. Do you risk using it or head to the roof to try some other escape plan using your wit?

3. Do you want to build a place and start your own rat race or keep moving along thinking some place out there things can't be oh so wrong?

4. You have slim chance of survival if you stay as one but if you were to down another with say a gun, you would get away with ease. Do you take your chances or down your buddy and run away with the breeze?

5. You are starving and you see a dog, a cat and a hog. Which one, if any, do you eat? Or do you keep searching for some other rabbit food type treat?

6. Here is a question to come due as well, as it is just a for my information at my cell. Do you want the whole thing to rhyme? Or be like Pat's novels and give that sort of chime? Either way Pat and the cat can make it work. With the rhyme things will be a little more umm out there and give a smirk. With the normal way things may be a bit darker in their display. The dialogue won't rhyme of course as always at my sea unless it is from me.

7. Thoughts on the title as well if you don't mind when you ring the comment bell. Of course all is not seen as I can't give it all away and spill each bean. I was thinking the first two lines at the top and the bottom two at the bottom when the page is to crop. Yeah I'm going the whole nine yards and getting a cover done as well as I put all through hell.

Blank with Blank (Not telling the main title to you. As you will have to wait for that to come due)
The Initial Hours

A Blogland Story
Things May Get Gory

Now there you go. It all depends on you if you are to show and how long, whether you are weak or strong. And as always there will be a twist here at my sea and it won't be the typical type of stuff already out in front of thee. For that just isn't the cat and will not be done at my mat. So give your usual sass and you could soon star alongside my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Robots Are Coming! Don't You Hear Their Humming?

I bet it may surprise you to know that robots are taking over your show. That is right! Day and night, you have robots all over you. They are mixing with the germs at your zoo. And you can't see them at all. So they are truly having a ball. Maybe one day they will go nuts and burn down all huts. But until then I just thought it would be fun to see what they are in and give them a run.

Bugs bugs everywhere,
All over your lair.
But do you care?
As they aren't all that rare.

In your hair stuff,
Some skidoo that makes the waves rough.
Even safety cleaner.
I guess the bugs make it meaner.

Can even curl your iron too.
With some moisture care stuff they glue.
Right to your skin.
Don't you like robots helping you win?

A baby blanket has some,
The tennis racket you use to swat a bum.
A baby carriage too.
Look what those bugs can do.

Even a plush toy or two.
I bet that you never knew.
As they even take a hike,
When you clean your bike.

Blankets and throws as well,
Aren't robot bugs swell?
Body volume shampoo,
And Conditioner too!

Some speakers and a nap pillow,
Have the bugs whisper across a willow.
A diamond and some slippers,
I bet they are even in flippers.

Mouthwash has some too!
Oh I bet you didn't have a clue.
Imagine sloshing around robot bugs in your yap.
Maybe they'd make Flappy stop her flap.

Or she would choke.
And maybe even croak.
Like a frog that is,
Death is a nasty biz.

Except when you're a super powered cat,
Which I have in Pat's book number 4 at his mat.
The bugs romp around inside me too.
Just as they do with you.

Now if only you could harness that,
Then you could be powerful like the cat.
Well maybe as powerful as a mutt,
Your sniffer may even want to take a whiff of a butt.

Don't forget they are in vegetable cleaner as well.
Really? What the hell!
I guess all want you to eat the robot bugs.
Maybe there is a conspiracy at play with these thugs.

Like they are playing a long con.
Then they will turn them on,
And poof!
You'll fall of a roof or have another goof.

Robot bugs could make you dead,
And bang your pretty little head.
Don't you love them now?
You never know you could get lucky and they will make you meow.

So now you know they are in many things you pass daily at your show. If some evil mastermind not as nice as my rhyming behind, tries to take control and make them go for a stroll. You could end up robot din din and that would not be a win. I know really stretching it there. But think as you do up your hair the tiny robots could grab hold and rip it all out. That would make you shout. Didn't you like these sorta stretched Face it Facts that have come to pass? Now I must go chase those robot bugs away from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Crazy Pat And That Hard Head Brat!

So at that other shore the cat was out and about to explore and went into that uncle Hard Head's room where many things tend to loom. It is fun digging through the mess that I will confess but then him and Pat went on about stupid theory strat. Some of the ones they came up with back in the day were crazy to say the least but I suppose that is the nature of the conspiracy or whacko beast.

Did you know the moon is nothing but a spotlight? Yeah, that is right. It blew up long ago thanks to some NASA experiment that caused it to glow and seconds later it went boom. They didn't want people to think aliens were here to bring people doom, so they stuck a spotlight on. Of course there are multiple ones in each country's super secret lawn. Then they just cover it up a bit when they want something like a half moon. Umm yeah Pat is sorta, maybe a loon.

How about to break into Area 52. Forget Area 51 there is nothing there to view. They only let you think that so the crazies will line up outside that door mat. Area 52 is in Vegas somewhere. That is all I can divulge or the men in black might show up at my lair. But in order to get in you will need invisible tech at your bin. You will need bullet proof armor just in case they have invisible detectors in place. Then you wait for someone official to go by and follow them in when the gates opens by the gate guarding guy. Now that you are on the base you get to search out the place. Watch out for the laser traps and the invisible floor gaps. They have spikes set up down below and many other traps that might not show. But then you can find the cure for all that they keep hidden away in their uber secret hall.

Or if you wanted to rob an armored car and get away to some nice sand bar. The first thing you would do is learn the route it took and write that down in a book. Then get a bazooka just in case things don't go well in the first place. Back up plans should always be made if you want to get paid. Next learn where they work and play and then cause some dismay. When they go to look with the rest of the crowd you keep things good and loud. Then switch out their bullets with blanks just in case your first and second plan tanks. Now just pick the biggest pickup day and put your plan into play. Wearing a mask is a given and make sure everyone remains livin'. Find the best place for the ambush, like an alley blocked by buildings or a very big bush. Then play dead in the middle of the road like some run over toad. If they don't come out hit them with the knock out gas as they shout. Use some c4 to blow the back door and when the back guard tries to shoot you smile and taser him on cue. Grab the cash and run away. Now you are rich and own your own home on some sparkling no extradition bay.

The pot hole conspiracy is a big one as we all know there are a ton. No money? Pfft is isn't because of that. It is because they are getting kick backs from the auto worker industry to make their wallets fat. If they only fix one here and there with crap concrete that will once again wear then tires, bumpers and axels will still go pop and out some more bucks you will have to drop. The great pot hole divide is world wide. They have no pride as they stoop to such lows leaving pot holes in rows just to cause the cars to break so in more money they can rake. Not that they last anyway but that is a whole other rant for another day.

This one confused the cat for supposedly hills are really flat. Yeah, all below them is a dip and the word hill should not come from any lip. If you aren't up high on a flat than you are in a dip, what the strat? An optical illusion it all is, this whole hill biz. Everything is really upside down in every town. Walk on your hands and you will see that things really aren't umm hill-y. The highest point is the flat land and everything below from the streets to the desert sand is nothing but a dip thanks to the world doing a flip. Makes no sense what so ever but the cat will let Pat think he is clever.

The cat had enough after that and took off to find something else to eat at that other mat. They leave much on the counter for me to take and unlike Pat they can bake. So I indulge quite a bit, the last time I think it was a biscuit. Maybe it was more like two or three but can you blame me? It didn't even give me gas and that is all the crazy today from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Whoopdi Friggin Doo Gives A Booby Prize To You!

So Robbie Raisin has heard all of you out there have flipped me the bird. For I did not give a booby prize on any of my other tries. Is it my fault no one can win at my whoopdi friggin doo bin? Just because you are all so lame and can't beat my game you want a runner up prize to be won. Okay, today I will break down and give you one. Today you get your booby prize and it isn't a home board game of our show for all of you thinking you are so wise.

But I promise your booby prize won't be upside down. It won't even make you frown. For the booby prize to be won will be enjoyed by everyone.

It won't make you fat causing things to no longer be flat. Or make you yawn from being bored and no it isn't some Ford. I have something better for you. Just wait until you view.


No, it won't keep you warm in some snow storm. Or on the other hand, I suppose if you use it wisely you may be kept warm at your land. Either way it doesn't go around your throat and it isn't a sailboat.


No, it doesn't end up at the beach and it isn't some nasty peach. It might make your head bob though like the fellow above who is all a glow.


No, you will not have to get a tattoo, although you can if you want to have one to view. But you must send pictures into whoopdi friggin doo so I can show all what was gotten and where by you.


No, it isn't some plastic toy or something to confuse a little girl or boy. Like that Meet The Fockers thing where they gave it a ring. I wouldn't want to copy anyone as that would just be no fun.


As tasty as some people may find those with or without clothes, this is not what you will win. I know what a sin. Sadly they cost too much and you aren't even allowed to touch. So I found something better for you which you will agree is true.


Now don't get to excited yet and start to fret for there is still one or two to go before your booby prize decides to show. Also don't smudge the glass you may tick off a little rhyming ass.


This was going to be your booby prize and just look at those eyes. How could you say no? That is of course until their blue feet decided to show. That just broke the deal righ there. So these boobies were sent packing back to their lair.

And so I give you your booby prize. Are you ready? Do you need to close your eyes? The anticipation is so much that you may have a breakdown and such. I can't handle it anymore and have to show. Here is the booby prize you all get and never fear, I bet they will continue to grow.


Now don't you just want to print that off and hang it on your wall? You'll just have to touch those boobies every time you pass the picture in the hall. So let's hear a big thank you for Whoopdi Friggin Doo. I know you all love the booby prize that I gave to you. Doesn't that sub just look so tasty too? That is it for this edition of Whoopdi Friggin Doo. Don't ever say Robbie Raisin never gave anything to you.

********************

Don't you just love the giveaways he gives to all at my sea? Wouldn't you rather have a flea on your knee? At least you can squash that and you can even chuck the pringle can of poo from the cat. But this? This is just not bliss. Although it could be enjoyed by some lass but never by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Question Everything Today At My Wing!

Seems I do a lot of telling, subtly with no yelling, here at my sea. So now I am going to just question thee. No, none of that tagging crap is on tap but lots of fun will happen today under my rhyming sun.

Do you know why it rains?
Should you care about drains?
Why does the sun glow?
Does it matter that you don't know?

Can you lick your elbow?
Are you scared of a crow?
Why must a chair sit?
Can't it roll a little bit?

How many licks does it take to eat an apple?
Did you think I would say snapple?
Why must you look at me like that?
Don't you like a rhyming cat?

Would you like to ask something?
Is that the phone giving a ring?
Petsy is that you?
Do you expect me to have a clue?

How am I supposed to know what numb tongue feels like?
Do you think it's like having it run over with a bike?
Penguin Man, what do you want?
So you want me to taunt?

Did anyone see The Fountain?
Don't you think that thing should be buried under a large mountian?
Was that good enough for you?
How did I not know Blabber would chime in at my zoo?

Do you really want me to repeat that?
Don't you think people may fall asleep at my mat?
Or is that what you are trying to do?
Did you know NY drivers are really bad but not as bad as Boston ones but almost as bad as Alaska ones but oh so close to Toronto ones but very different than Texas ones but a lot nicer than Ireland ones but a lot smelly-er than Greek ones but not as blinding as Seattle ones or Ohio ones with their smog blocking view?

Wasn't Blabber the best nickname ever?
Isn't the cat oh so clever?
Why no Brian today?
Don't you think  .......   would be boring as he gawks away?

You want to hear from that other Nyer as well?
The former big eye who now shows a beach that looks swell?
Don't you think hers would be bigger?
What happens if we hit a trigger?

Ask about ketchup on apples you say?
Ewww, hmm wasn't that an easy display?
How many waffles does it take to fill a car?
Wouldn't that be for the waffle guy's bar?

What is a bloody wanker?
Would it be wise to ask a banker?
Maybe that Irish Air lass?
Why does she like to pull things from my ass?

How many gb's is in a computer the size of a house?
Maybe Bauer can answer that or Mickey Mouse?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Did you really just go there at my hood?

Aren't blue guy's so dry?
Maybe we should go back to the former big eye?
Isn't it too bad Glory Dear is still buried in dirt?
Wouldn't you like a question from her to spurt?

You really want to hear R?
Would that go far?
Wasn't this great?
Did you like R's question at my gate?

Don't you have enough for a whole week?
Will you ask questions as you take a leak?
Will you let me know if some answers come to pass?
For that would make me a happy little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

How Not To Fall Flat When Dating A Cat!

So Blabber always does these dating things at her shore with a nice even ten thing to explore. I think it is high time the cat gave you some rules at his mat. No, this is not from the dumb human, Pat. If you let this come due the cat will squash you flat. Dating tips for meeting the cat and not just the one at this mat. For I will save all those felines out there from such a horrid affair.

1. Any of that eeping crap needs to take a nap.
Do you really expect anyone to come to a squealer? Well maybe if you need some kind of healer.

2. You leave it in our view and it is fair game for whatever we wish to come due.
Is it my fault you leave those tasty shoe laces on the floor? Don't like it, get out the door.

3. No clothes or any other feminine stuff or we will get rough.
You're too old for dress up. If you want that, slip one past the goalie or get a pup.

4. Pink or feminie food bowls are not lofty goals.
You think I don't see you moving in on my food bin?

5. Leaving no room will bring doom.
You expect me to lie on the floor? Pfft I'll kick you out the door.

6. Closing the bedroom door when we want to explore.
You think I care about the humpty hump? I've already seen Pat's rump.

7. Thinking you need another one is not fun.
That is right you need no more! I'll mame any new cat brought to my shore.

8. Expect the look all over the nook.
No matter what you do, if it is interesting we will want to view.

9. Touch our litter and we'll get bitter.
None of your smelly crap in there or I will chew on your hair.

10. Our way goes even if we wish to bite your toes.
That is right. I rule day and night. Don't like it, take your ball and bat and scat.

So there you go. If you ever date a person with a cat at their show now you know how to make the cats hate for you grow or shrink. The choice is up to you whether or not you want to make things hit the brink. But if you do with me you will not find glee. Beware when you trespass of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

dVerse Relaxing Is So Taxing!

So back with the A to Z another I missed at the dVerse sea was the whole tax thing and I surely have to give that a ring. Hmmm already did the tax man a time or two. I guess it's time to get a tad profound at my zoo. Or at least make a point and maybe get a nose or two out of joint. Yeah I know this one was long ago but what can you do when you're like 40 posts ahead at your show?

Oh poor pitiful me,
The kids keep bugging me.
The phone gave a ring,
It was my secret fling.

The dog knocked over the sax.
While work sent a fax.
You're Fired!
But I was just hired.

How can they do that?
Now I even have to feed the cat.
Get supper too.
What am I to do?

Oh I know!
A shirking I will go.
The TV can babysit.
Who cares if the show has gore in it.

The dog can be shipped to the pound.
The cat can be sent outdoors to linger around.
A happy meal will do,
Life is just so hard on me too.

The welfare will come,
So I can sit on my bum.
Who wants to work so long?
I'd rather play ping pong.

Never mind I should man up,
Drinking from my "Worlds Greatest whatever" cup
I'll just be all for me,
Let the kids rot with the TV.

The dog can be put down,
The cat can get run over somewhere in town.
Fat is always great,
More happy meals to fill the plate.

For it is all about me,
No matter my history.
Things I have done,
Shoudn't ruin my fun.

I still want to be cool.
Hang with teenagers forever the fool.
Life is too taxing,
I'll shirk everything and remain relaxing.

And that is what came out of the cat, thankfully it did not result in a huge rant at my mat. For people like that think they are so divine. Yet when something goes wrong they point fingers at others and whine. Disgusts the cat and Pat many a time. Even making us like that mime. Poor little nimrods have too much strife when they brought such aspects into their life. Get over it and that is that. But then again fools never surprise the cat. So I hope they get fleas from not mowing the grass and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Irish Air Was In A Funk With This Drunk!

So the cat was finishing his weekly session of fertilzing Irish Air's gardens at her shore when I snuck by and I heard something I had to explore. For it seems she does not think much of the Alliance at all. At least when she was drunk as she gave the below little call. It was quite funny to listen too as well but I had to leave after she broke into the farmer and the dell. Or row row row your boat. She mixed them up so well but either way I still have to gloat. She rhymed sorta good. So take that into consideration you should. Here you go word for word what Anne said at her show. At least that the cat can recall as I did hear her through the wall.

Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
I hate that bloody cat.
I wish he'd bugger off.
The eejit has to go,
Maybe I can drown him in a trough.
But the wanker doesn't stop,
He just keeps coming back.
I hate what he puts in my mind,
As I think of him giving the viking woman's rump a smack.
Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Now I got this package,
That is staring at me.
It smells kind of ripe,
I should pitch it in the sea.
But the bloody thing,
Has to be known.
Although I know it's a can,
Of the cat's special cologne.
Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Figures it is poo,
In a pringle can.
Feck that ebil cat.
I'll tie him to a ceiling fan.
The bugger will get his due,
Before I am through.
The Alliance will win,
I'll turn the eejit to goo.
Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Bloody fecking hell,
What was that
An army of fleas
From the rotten cat.
That wanker has to die,
For making me itch,
He's going to wind up,
In a ditch like a little bitch.
Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
I've been turned blue,
What the fecking hell?
That eejit is over,
I'll ring the wanker's bell.
I think I'm seeing things now,
Look at that pretty cow.
Wow the alliance doesn't stand a chance,
Just look up that huge rump as he takes a bow.
Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-diiii-deeee-diiii-deeee-diiiiiii!

Now wasn't that fun? That was such an epic tale that Irish Air spun. I knew she knew she could never beat the cat. All now know too thanks to my rhyming mat. It is a good thing she has gardens to fertilize too or I never would have caught this to repeat for you. I probably smashed poor Dez's hopes. So keep him away from any long ropes. At least Irish Air has nice fertilized grass and for that she can thank my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

You May Confuse But When You Reuse You Can't Lose!

The cat is going to show you how to reuse today. For all should recycle away. Hmm maybe Pat should practice that more then he could bring about such funky things at our shore.

Well except for this. This does not cause bliss. A cat cage this does not make so do not reuse and partake. Or the cat will hunt you down and make you frown.


This is also eww. But what can you do? If you are out of soap and at the end of your rope. Fido is there to help you out. He'll surely lick off that leftover trout.


Got an old school bus lying around? If so, go ahead and dig a big hole in the ground. Now you have a root cellar at your sea. Doesn't that just cause you glee?


Want to keep the door to door guys away? Like those mormons wanting you to pray. Or whoever else comes to your shore. Just hook this up to your door.


Isn't that a pretty garden pot? It may have been used a whole lot. But that makes for good fertilizer I hear. So prized flowers will grow all through the year.

This is the type of mansion all should strive for at their shore. You can reuse a camper or mobile home and build them up in a great big dome. Going all Swiss Family Robinson a well. Doesn't that look just swell?


Don't want to waste gas or have all that noise as you cut your grass? Never fear for just add a gear and now you have quite the ride on. Wouldn't that make it fun to mow the lawn?


Speaking of bikes to a shoe nazi this could scream yikes! For the shoes now go round and round as no tires are found. I wonder how fast one can go before the soles of the shoes start to blow?


After cutting the grass it needs water too. So grab a bottle and this can come due. No advanced tech needed at your bay and your grass can still grow on each nice sunny day.

And a merry christmas to you with this big wreath in view. Oh wait! That might crush your door or front gate. Maybe Grave Digger needs his tire back. Might want to avoid this one or he could come and squash your house in a monster truck attack.

So now that the cat has your creative juices flowing from his reusing showing. You now can use whatever is lying around your sea to make things easier, funnier or more pretty. Not to mention scary and cut your grass. No need to thank my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Time To Park And Decipher The Bark!

At that other place where a mutt shows his face, the cat noticed he likes to bark quite a bit. I guess he thinks it is a hit. But what does it really mean as he makes a scene? Besides of course the cat rules and everyone else drools. I guess we shall sea as I tell you all for free.

There is a slight noise,
Bark bark bark away your joys.
Going right to the door,
With your encore.

While the cat watches from afar,
Not to be hit by any car.
You run and expect all to stop,
That idea is a flop.

But bark bark bark still.
That must give you such a thrill.
Speaking dog is rough to do.
But the cat will try his best to translate for you.

Look at me, look at me.
I'm so excited I'll pee.
Hurry up,
And acknowledge this pup.

Bark bark bark
That surely hit the mark.
I got a good whiff,
As I gave your butt a sniff.

Feed me too!
I'll take whatever you have on you.
Even your fingers and toes,
If you don't pat my nose.

Bark bark bark once again,
Have to let all know there is a dog in this den.
For another is not allowed.
So I bark extra loud.

I'm trying to tell you to feed me,
Wait! I already said that with glee.
Scratch my butt?
That is liked by every mutt.

Or behind the ear,
If you fear the rear.
Sit down before you fall down.
That could make you frown.

For I might jump up on you,
And knock you down on cue.
Or at least scratch your knee,
From all my barking glee.

So sit down as I want on your lap,
While I  continue to flap.
With a bark bark bark.
Now take me to the park.

Wait! Feed me first,
And quench my thirst.
Also look the other way,
So I can see what the counter has on display.

Also maybe even chew a shoe,
Before a walk is due.
But we still expect a treat.
Look at how much we eat.

And so it seems all they talk about is food.
Plus many other things that are just rude.
The mutt is simply an attention whore,
That will bark bark bark and eat anything they can find at their shore.

Now you know the bark of the mutt who likes to mark each and every trees bark. Like how I switched that around like the crazies at a dog park? Sorry to all the butt sniffers for giving away their secret to all. But you can never match the cat's rhyming hall. Not even my ability to pass gas and that can be done daily from by my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Pffft! Is All I Can Say To This Dismay!

So this will be short,
Here at my court.
Because I'm on my phone,
As I give this groan.

For the computer is busted.
Pat's arm is rusted.
Thanks to some fecking physio jerk.
Which for writing is not a perk.

Miss Priss has anxiety crap,
And the cat literally has the runs that aren't from his trap.
One fecked up place,
Is surely the case.

So if I am slow,
Getting to your show.
Now you know why.
Wish it was a lie.

At least I still have posts until the middle of July,
All done so the rhymes can still fly.
Hopefully soon this shit will pass,
Oh well, I'll still try my best, on a crappy phone, to be a little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Globland Fun Under The Sun?

So a while back Irish Air was being all nicey nice at her lair and mentioned a convention, for which I think we would seriously need an intervention. But never the less I have had the idea too I must confess. Being on the same page as her, now that ruffles my fur. Excuse me while I got lick my rear end to get the taste out of my mouth and put an end to this trend.

There we go all better now. That was so fast I should take a bow. Anyway, we got going on about how it would be interesting if we all met up some place to see each other face to face. Blabber and Pat have been there done that as he left the poor cat. For which I will never forgive him one bit making me stay at nanny's and have a fit. The Blue Guy tried but some jack umm rabbit stole it with pride. I don't really think he tried very hard probably tripped and fell crossing his yard, bumped his head and the idea was dead. But shhhh don't tell. We'll keep pretending things are swell.

So a failed attempt from The Blue Guy and those two being greedy and not sharing with others as they came eye to eye. That doesn't say much for such a thing. So the cat figured he would give it a hypothetical ring. Irish Air came up with Switzerland since it is neutral and everyone are from all over the place. Then Hawaii was thrown out at a steady pace. So the cat had to narrow it down to the top ten places where all could meet and go out on the town.

Hawaii
Plus: It is an island so no one could get lost except for maybe Penguin Man but that is an acceptable cost.
Minus: It is an island so no one could get away from each and every freaky display.

Switzerland
Plus: They like everyone so all would be welcome and not get felt up at the airport a ton.
Minus: We would all fit in. No one would be special and that would be a sin.

Alaska
Plus: Nice and cold to keep people from running away scared of all we have to behold.
Minus: Those damn moose they might bite one in the caboose.

Canada
Plus: You could go anywhere and it's all the same. Trees, clean, trees, beer, trees, meaning it's tame.
Minus: Those damn French or Newfies will spoil it. One you can't understand and the other talks like a twit.

Bora Bora
Plus: Oh so sunny and warm. That is typically the norm.
Minus: There could be a big storm and we could all have to huddle in a bunker the size of a dorm.

Ireland
Plus: Ummm hmmmm ummm hmmm they drink a lot and you could steal a leprechaun's pot.
Minus: There are too many to list. Oh I can see Irish Air clenching her fist.

China
Plus: They have a great big wall. So we would each have our own space during this blogger ball.
Minus: Three billion chinese in the way. To get anywhere would take a day.

Egypt
Plus: Could also meet the aliens who built the pyramids and stuff.
Minus: They could probe and everyone would see everyone in the buff.

Alabama
Plus: Their hick accents would make Irish Air's seem tame. LOL After this she'll really want to mame.
Minus: Banjos could play and that would not make for a very nice day.

Cuba
Plus: Those nasty Americans could not come and drink all the rum.
Minus: Those nasty Americans could not come and be so disliked that the Canadian gets free rum.

So there we go that is what the cat came up with to let our faces show. Which do you like best? Do you have another place to put to the test? Anyway it is fun to think about I suppose although it would be quite scary depending on which way the wind blows and who popped in from the globland mass. Now before Irish Air comes I better go hide my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Stupid Pat! Time To Show Off The Cat!

So Pat likes to take the fame for the children's books and the cat's rhyming game. Okay, he feeds me and such, so I don't mind it too much. But look at what he did? Wouldn't this make you flip your lid?

Yeah he made his first one about a kangaroo. The damn thing was only bright enough to wear one shoe. I guess maybe it is the current style? Oh how the cat finds such a thing vile. Not even a cat was had which really ticks me off a tad.

Then came a peacock of all things, with all its eyeball type wings. Of course Betsy was wise enough to stick in the cat, unlike dumb Pat. So at least number two scored some points with me. But still it is not enough for me at bush number three.

Finally came the ghost who would not make a very scary haunting host. But that is neither here nor there as once more Pat neglected me at our lair. What they hell? This is just not swell. Maybe I should give him a pringle can surprise and then he would get wise.

Hmm but what is to come? Could it be something about my little rhyming bum? Hmm looks like it could be and that would make me, number four. I should have been number one but I guess I'll forgive Pat at our shore. For in a little while the fourth one will run the mile. Once more published with Wayman Publishing at my sea and it's all about Cassie and me. Isn't that neat? Almost makes your heart skip a beat.

So I finally get my time to shine and I know you all will find that divine. For when the cat comes to play and children's book number four gets released at our bay. I will be right on the cover of it, trotting about and having a rhyming fit. Look for it soon and of course it will be announced by this rhyming loon. And sadly there will be no gas but there is a loo that swallows up my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Alliance Is dVerse And They Are Surely Perverse!

The cat had a thing or two to take care of at our sea and I was going to postpone this dVerse at bush number three. Alright, that isn't true. But I was going to just rhyme about a loo, as you know that is easy for me to do. But Brian kicked up a fuss and even started to cuss. So well the loo rhyme would be fun, the cat decided the Great Penguin Caper should be done. It is truly a sight to behold and you will now know what happens when you join the alliance fold.

As I was saying,
The Gawker wanted no loo displaying.
For he didn't want to make a scene.
Even if his place isn't so clean.
Do you see that mess?
He needs a maid I must confess.


Miss Priss and I,
Were once more off dealing with that Drazin guy.
Errr um god if you wish,
Personally I've seen more godly fish.
Speaking of which,
Fish is surely what scratches this dVerse itch.

You see the alliance thought it would be grand,
To come and invade my land,
When we were away.
Pfft, about the only time they could get near my bay.

But it seems Penguin Man forgot to feed his flock,
And so first they had to stop at his dock.
Yet his borg updates melted their minds,
And they were truly whacked out of their behinds.


Penguin Man tried to hail a cab,
And even started to blab.
But it seems no taxis go,
To some desert as fares never seem to show.

He stood there for a long time,
I guess those updates truly weren't so sublime.
Of course he could have offended the tree,
By looking through thee.


His cohort, Elsie, was too busy with the summer of me.
To help give the penguins the fish for free.
Would you look at that eye?
It's no wonder she is so shy.

I'd hide my face too,
And use a fake eye for all to view.
If I looked like a dinosaur.
Hell, I'd never even take an outside tour.


Lurker was trying to hitch hike his way there,
But he could not get out of his lair.
If seems he was stuck,
For there was no big truck.

In the cars he could not fit.
I guess he needs to run from those zombies for a bit.
Instead of hiding behind his crew,
Watching from his kingly view.

Thinkingcap was rather aware,
And tried to ignite a flare.
She cheered with her umm cheery cap,
And flapped her trap.

Sadly none seemed to come,
As she beat her drum.
I guess no one cares about the penguins at all,
Or maybe she needed to do a cat call.

Blabber finally got her tank,
For being a nitwit and walking the alliance plank.
Doesn't that look oh so scary to you?
The alliance just don't have a clue.

But at least Blabber found snow,
That is where the penguins show.
And as you can see,
She likes to strut her stuff in the summer with glee.


Then there was Anne,
Who is such a Price is Right fan.
That she has been off on some big trip,
Teaching herself to sway each hip.

Look at that pretty pot?
I bet that would go for a lot.
Wow Irish Air is really onto something here,
Once more the alliance strikes such fear.


And finally they found each other slow and steady.
Would they just feed the damn penguins already?
Look at Penguin Man pretending he did not see,
Right through Irish Air as she shows off Lurker with glee.

While Blabber gets to ride a camel once more,
She liked it so much the first time she needed a humping encore.
Elsie mixes in with the camels too,
Just in another way, sad but true.

Whule Thinkingcap still calls for all,
To answer the penguin feeding call.
Even if they ended up in the wrong spot,
Probably followed Blabber, so now they'll all rot.

At least they have a huge litter box,
And don't need to wear socks.
Wow! With such members and adventures the cat better watch his back,
They may pick up sand fleas and send them in a pack.

Sadly, the penguins are still waiting for their food,
While Miss Priss and I stopped Drazin from being rude.
We also got back safe and sound.
And as for the alliance, let's just say they still have lots of sand to pound.

Oh the cat loves such a tale. I will thank Brian for making me give such a wail. I even had some visuals too. So you all could get a clue and see how sad the alliance really are. So go and join them from near and far. Then the cat will throw you for a loop and in one simple swoop, take you all out in mass and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Monday, June 11, 2012

I Will Get Some Lip For This Trip!

My eyes are coming out of my head and causing me dread, especially after looking at this crap. So the cat thought he would ruin your nap. For here is a taste of what the cat found when taking a trip through the trippy at his mound.

Is there four squares or just one? Or are there diamonds by the ton. I can't look any more. So someone else needs to answer at my shore.


Now for the win they have begun to spin. At least things are still in black and white the next ones will take away more of your sight.


Bam! Doesn't that cause an eye jam. No? Well let's move quickly on with the show.

Look it is now sucking you into its gaze and you are now lost in a rainbow maze.

Look at those eyes starting to spin around and around. It looks like a face may even be found. Is it really moving though or is that just me thinking they are moving to and fro?

And then it finally explodes into rain drops. Now you can call the trippy cops. For this one is easier on the eyes I guess, even though they are already a mess.


And once more all swirly at my sea. Is there one or is there three? Lots of holes there as well. I know by now you are damning me to Hell.

One moves over the other as you go up and down. Or maybe I'm just lost in crazy town. Either way it has been a fun show. Can you now count all below?


How many black and how many blue? Come on this should be easy for you. The cat knows but he will never tell because you damned me to Hell. Regret that now don't you? You know it is true.

Finally you get a trippy kitty. Not to have one would be a pity. Of course the cat already gave you quite the trip and now your eyes are doing a flip. You will see pretty colors all day in your head. That cat loves to cause dread. Sorry if it also gave you gas next time I'll put a big warning up from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.