Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A Thrown Bone Will Get A dVerse Groan!

Sometimes don't you just wish you can throw something dVerse at someones head that has just caused you dread? If you say no you are a liar or you have already lit such a fire. But we all show restrain from boarding such a train because that could be bad and jail time could be had. Pat still snaps elastics off at work and hits one or two giving off a smirk. So things can be done and it could turn out fun.

Throw a cup or throw a bone,
It will surely cause a moan.
That would hurt,
And blood may spurt.

So reframe from that,
Or you could be a dead cat.
Best case have to not drop the soap,
For being such a dope.

Instead throw a pickle,
That would surely just tickle.
Throw a balloon,
Maybe with some water at the baffoon.

A pair of dirty underwear?
Wear gloves at your lair.
A paper airplane,
Would surely never pop a vein.

Maybe pull a Gambit
And throw some cards with your fit.
All fifty two,
With a joker and the rules card too.

A losing lottery ticket,
As a way to picket.
Could be a win win,
As losing is such a sin.

A pringle can full of poo?
Scratch that, as that would be eww.
Plus that would hurt too,
And a smell would come due.

Always some nerf stuff,
Or something with fluff.
Like a little teddy bear.
But then they may think you care.

So never throw it at a creeper,
Or you may have to dig deeper.
And throw them out the door,
Before things become that of creeper lore.

Could throw a flip flop,
The end of a mop,
Or a bird feather.
Might go far if there is stormy weather.

A snowball works too.
But those things only come due,
Once a year,
And they can hurt I fear.

Some deodarant if they stink,
But that could hurt and turn them pink.
Better off sitting that on their table,
Attached to a cable.

Then give it a yank,
And smack them with something rank.
Like a Newfie cod fish.
When you kiss it you can make a wish.

Bleh! That is something not for me.
Plus you can only get there by crossing a sea.
Or an ocean,
But it would still cause an commotion.

So there are options for all,
Rather than making a shelf fall.
That just means your are evil indeed.
Go get a shrink and take heed.

But elastics are fun,
As Pat does that a ton.
Just don't aim anything high,
Or pop goes an eye.

There we go. Now you can throw. Whether it be a pickle or a snow ball. You have plenty of options at your hall. Good luck as you chuck and I hope you don't get a what the duck. For that could lead to bad things at your wings. So before who you decide to make them kiss the newfie wannabe bass, remember not to blame my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 30, 2012

The D's Fight It Out And One Will Surely Pout!

Darzin and Drazin finally met up and Darzin still had plenty of marks from a pup. I guess one caught the lovey dovey creep and bit him good and deep. But that didn't change his mind and he was still lovey dovey feeling up his own behind. So we actually helped the so called Godly one and sent him after Darzin as they both let their mouthes run. That was quite the ordeal, their identical voices were kind of unreal.

"Drazin is going to make you pay for copying a god."

"In order to be a true god, you need to embrace nature, embrace the love, feel the vibrations."

"Forget saying your name fifty times and kill this thing already."

Miss Priss had quite enough of his hippy dippy stuff,
She was really in a huff.
He even bent down and tried to brush her,
But you know with her OCD not to touch her fur.
She scratched his hand,
And a bit of blood dripped down on the land.

"The giver of life. We should all bleed once in a while to know we are alive. That is the balance of nature. Let's all have one big group hug and sing it out."

Drazin was staring in disbelief,
Like as to say "Good Grief"
But he knew that would sound dumb,
So decided to forgo such a hum.
Finally he picked up a log,
And said things too dirty for this blog.

"Why must you let hate guide you? Come into the light and bask in its energizing glow."

"Drazin has had enough of this. Drazin is going to end this Drazin clone and prove there is only one Drazin. The Great God Duke Drazin!"

"If only he acted as fast as he said his name, this guy would be dead already."

Drazin was going over the fact,
That Darzin pranced in a women's bathing suit and did his lovey dovey act.
It was clear someone was making fun of him,
And he was going to rip that mask off this guy who was so dim.

Drazin went to whack the loon,
But Darzin hopped about like a baboon.
I swear the guy had fleas,
Maybe I sent some to his knees.

"You can't beat the power of love because when push comes to shove...."

He was quoting songs and rhyming in front of me. I could not let that be. So I stood behind him as he pranced, too lovey dovey entranced, and he tripped over me. Drazin stood over him so he could not flee. And what Darzin said next I can't really tell for that is where things went further down to Hell.

"......."

"Really? You fleabags had to go and get them going didn't you? Drazin doesn't have time for this nonsense. When you find that shampoo obsessed nutcase, tell her to keep her mates out of Drazin's hair."

"....."

"....."

"....."

I think in one of those Darzin flipped us off,
As Drazin tied him to a tree and he continued to scoff.
But why didn't he say a word?
Well because he truly was absurd.

Darzin was a stinkin mime!
And without his Darzin mask on he could not chime.
For that would be a crime.
So I guess mimes as lovey dovey hippy dippy clone freaks can talk and think they are sublime.

But you take off the mask,
And they go back to task.
Pretending once more,
They can't talk at any shore.

Well after Drazin tore up the mask,
I had one final task.
Miss Priss even joined in,
And we both committed what some might consider a sin.

For we went on either side of the mime,
And at the same time,
Felt such bliss,
Doing what you get when you take the R out of Priss.

Then we left the poor hippy dippy clone thing all alone and he couldn't even make a ding. I told you mimes were crazy. This guy must have been high off his fake daisy. Or got squirted with fake water in the face and decided to copy Drazin and prance all over the place. I hope this is the last time this fool comes to pass and Blabber, keep your damn mimes away from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Out Of This Hole Does Not Seem To Be An Easy Goal!

So the cat has been spying on Pat and watching as he packs up things around our mat. I guess that means he is trying to move and ruin my groove. But then I guess a bigger place would be grand, as the place we are in now resides in the likes of strat hole land. Then it could be worse, could be a cardboard box so I won't curse. But the cat has yet to have to move one bit for it seems nothing quite does it.

One is by a pond,
So it's price goes to infinity and beyond.
Another doesn't want cats,
Not even pet rats.

One more is gone,
Oops, too slow at our lawn.
Some are months away,
Others actually have rat poo on display.

That is no joke,
Along with some guy offering a toke.
Of what I was afraid to ask,
To live there you'd need a gas mask.

Cheap and one of a kind,
Has plenty of room to run for my behind.
Did I mention there was a shooting there the other day?
Wouldn't you love to make that place your new bay?

Another looks sketchy,
As the roof was kind of stretchy.
Or saggy it could be,
Pfft, thought they could fool me.

A few were great,
Although if they were your fate.
You'd have to work 24/7 to afford,
At least you'd never be bored.

Lots more crap,
All over the map.
One hole deserves another I suppose,
As looking just curls my toes.

Nasty carpet too,
All the germs that could ensue.
Plus a hairball be harder to clean,
So we skip that scene.

Always such a pain,
Searching for a new lane.
But picky I suppose is good,
So no place comes with rotten wood.

Wish it would move quick,
And something would click.
But until then fun will be had,
Searching about with all the nut jobs in front of that Pat lad.

And so Bush Number Three remains in place at our current strat hole of a space until Pat's search is through and we bid this hole adieu. The cat will have to suffer through the heat but will never admit defeat for I'm descendent from Africa too. So this heat I can live through. Be nice when we find some new grass to rest my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Old People Everywhere As The Noises Blare!

So the cat followed Pat down the road and across the pond and a lot further beyond. As it took a whole fifteen minutes of my time. You know that is surely a crime. But he went to the casino for some fun and I sorta got kicked out for eating the ball as it spun, but we won't go there as it eventually came out back at my lair.

What I saw though,
Was quite the show.
It was the geriatric squad,
Who all around gave an applaud.

You'd think it was a nursing home,
As they and their walkers continued to roam.
I hoped no one would win big,
As they would pop their wig.

Also have a heart attack,
Then the cat would steal the dough and run back to his shack.
Hey, don't curse.
I didn't kill them and it could be worse.

At least they had some free food,
Although they were rather rude.
I guess they thought my fleas,
Would really bite up their knees.

People and their damn superstitious mumbo jumbo,
One even carried around a statue of Dumbo.
Oops, I meant of a dog.
Bah, both are just as bad at my blog.

Then one would touch the screen,
And make quite the scene.
I guess both were for good luck,
But sadly she lost her buck.

Another watched as Pat won a bit,
Having her own fit.
I guess at least she was proud of that,
Still confusing to the cat.

Plus too much damn noise.
As all shouted their joys.
Except for one,
Would walked like he couldn't run.

He grumbled quite a bit,
Having an F word fit.
More than once,
I guess he really thought the cashier was a dunce.

They all hopped about,
As the machines kept up their shout.
Wowee, they paid out,
Because you got three trout.

Don't spend your five dollars all in one spot.
Because that is a whole lot.
You'd think they gave you a great deal.
The amount of old people was still unreal.

The cat has nothing against them at all,
Unless on me they tried to fall.
Just an observation of the casino floor,
As the cat got pushed out the door.

Thankfully Pat got his money though and he can spend it on me at our show. Better be something good, as with that whole $40 extra dollars buy me something great he should. Maybe a nice juicy rat, oh scratch that. May as well just get me a pringle can so I can throw it at each fan. I heard enough dings for one day come to pass and now I need to rest my ears as well as my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Quite The Bouncing Scene Today Here At My Bay!

I bet whether a ton or an ounce,
You will still follow the bounce.
Mesmerized by its ongoing show,
As it bounces to and fro.

But is it bouncing up or down?
Do you have to consult a clown?
He may say it is side to side,
And then smile real wide.

For if you tip your head,
Oh the dread!
It could be going side to side.
So can you answer with pride?

Up, down. left or right?
Does it give ones ocd a fright?
As you have to stop and stare,
And the ball never goes anywhere.


Now what are you to do?
As three are in your view.
This is really getting scary,
They do resemble a berry.

But they don't bounce very well.
Is this causing you Hell?
So now that you've decided up, down left or right,
Here is an added plight.

Which one is bouncing higher?
Which one is a low flyer?
And which one is inbetween?
Isn't it fun to visit my scene?

Now you'll be staring at balls all day.
To some that might be a nice display.
But I bet not in this way,
I hope I made your day.

For I just wanted to irk some ocd,
Today at my sea.
And watching those things bounce away,
Surely does that at my bay.

So balls to the wall,
As you visit my hall.
And even tilt your head,
Warning, your eyes may go dead.

So wear some shades as you watch the bounce,
And the cat will watch his back for things that pounce.
For all might send flack to my grass,
For such a display from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Some Commercialization Of An Experimentation!

So after all the ranting at my sea today I figured I'd do something easy. For the cat had a new kids book idea the other day to use all "tion" words on display. Destination Dalmatian would be obviously a dalmatian when created to view with all his dots making a map of sorts, of what I have no clue. But not quite sure the big words would take if I should I make this one at my lake. So what do you think? Would it make the kiddies and you hit the brink?

The Abomination Accommodation

In a simple nation,
Near a simple station,
Lives Destination Dalmatian,
In need of a vacation.

So starts this narration,
For his vacation duration.
As after this elation,
He left his simple location.

Then came a sensation,
Much like a vibration.
This led to a mutation,
Making him a fixation.

Now Destination Dalmatian,
Was changing his formation.
With leaves from a plantation,
And a rump used for flotation.

This was quite the aggravation,
But he refused to give up his exploration.
Going to Hotel Admiration,
Which did not live up to its designation.

With a look of constipation,
And a little perspiration.
Pluck Duck denied his reservation,
Suggesting he get medication.

Destination Dalmatian,
Did not care about his presentation.
His new blue skin pigmentation,
Or his growing vegetation.

Pluck Duck feared strangulation.
Upon Destination Dalmatian's ventilation.
In an act of desperation.
He quickly sought mediation.

Pluck Duck's proclamation,
Brought Regal Eagle from sanitation.
After a quick observation,
He said Destination Dalmatian needed a relocation.

He would scare the hotel population,
With his funky animation.
He could give off radiation.
He would require a big pool for recreation.

So with appreciation,
Hotel Admiration,
Just does not have the certification,
He'd be better off on a conservation.

Destination Dalmatian,
Was offended by his classification.
But with a little imagination,
Brought forth a new evaluation.

"It should not matter my presentation,
Or my orientation.
For I am booked at your organization,
So it's time for some deliberation.

With Destination Dalmatian,
Thieves will suffer humiliation.
With my illumination,
I make for easy night evacuation.

Your gardens will get fertilization.
Pests will find extermination.
Remedy humidity through evaporation.
Even use me for extra refrigeration.

So by choosing discrimination,
Thanks to my appearance glorification,
You are forgoing stabilization,
Of you so regal organization."

Regal Eagle had no retaliation.
He agreed with Destination Dalmatian.
He could surely help facilitation,
Excelling Hotel Admiration.

So with sophistication,
Regal Eagle recognized his victimization.
Avoiding any more discrimination.
Pluck Duck fixed the invalidation.

Now Destination Dalmatian,
Was free to enjoy his vacation.
Many thought him an irritation,
With his growing animation.

But after a quick demonstration,
All made a simple declaration.
Even with his odd illustration,
They loved Destination Dalmatian.

He became an inspiration.
With his garden pollination.
His use in recreation,
And each hotel renovation.

Nearing the end of his vacation,
Destination Dalmatian
Longed for his simple location.
Near a simple station.

After this elation,
He ended his vacation.
Once more feeling a sensation,
Much like a vibration.

Destination Dalmatian,
Lost each new mutation.
Closing in on the simple station,
In his simple nation.

So in summation,
Well on his vacation.
Destination Dalmatian,
Taught a generation.

That no matter orientation,
There is no limitation,
Only that of imagination,
With no need for discrimination.

And there we go. I think I got down the flow. May get a bit tongue tied if you read fast but the "tion" words are so vast. I just had to try one and give it a rhyming run. Think it would work? As it obviously leaves older folks with a smirk but big words indeed for a kiddie feed. Either way had to give it a pass and it was fun to do, even if it stars a mutt, by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

If You're A Nut You're A Nut. The Other Crap Can Kiss My Butt!

So the other night the Blue Guy brought about another rant this week. Damn I'm on a ranting streak. But this one also has to come due and it doesn't even have to involve the loo. So some nut job, freak show, piece of trash thought they would be brash and shoot people at the Batman premeire. This is in no way diminishing the loss of life or anything like that, so have no fear. But what it is doing is diminishing the stupid factor out there that people like to blare.

Let's go for the easy blame.
The one due to an oh so dark movie or game.
Yeah, that is what makes these crazies go off,
Just like the dark makes me cough.

Well I coughed and it was dark,
So that surely hit that mark.
Right?
Pffft, yeah it's stupid, as is blaming the light.

Just like blaming,
Movies or gaming,
For a nut being a nut,
And shooting up or burning down some hut.

Sure after it is done,
They are going to blame everything from Tucan Sam to The Ghostbusters under the sun.
But really they were a crackpot in the start,
Or other things brought them aboard the whack job cart.

People can moan and groan,
About everything from the mailman to a car loan.
For that is what set them off,
Just like the dark and my cough.

It is all superficial crap,
That the media and the rest need to make take a dirt nap.
You want to place the blame,
Again forget the movie or the game.

Look at your damn self,
And don't act like some big shot, bulletproof magical elf.
You used the TV as a babysitter,
You abused and ignored and stuff and made things go bitter.

You helped bring them to this place,
From something in the past that lingered over life's pace.
And by you it could be anyone,
That brought forth picking up of the gun.

From parents to siblings to the idiot next door,
Who thought it would be fun to pick or ignore.
Not the damn TV,
Or anything else one tries to blame at their sea.

Blame Batman, Blame Santa Claus,
Blame this and that and flap your jaws.
All it proves as what idiots are around,
That try to act profound.

When they are afraid to admit,
Or take the hit,
For being the cause,
And as always they are looking for some kind of satisfaction, sympathy and/or applause.

It's a slow treck for one to come to it,
People just refuse to see and let something else take the hit.
Something as easy as a whistle to Batman might make them finally snap,
But a lot more happened before such a lap.

And no matter the rules,
Set forth by gods or fools.
If a nut wants a gun,
They are going to find one.

So there was my rant around that bend and if the cat were to offend, the cat doesn't really care as that blaming crap just gets under my hair. Sure, take the stuff away from the nut jobs and what they did. Batman and that magic unicorn is really what made them flip their lid. All the world has become is a blame game which usually lands on something of fame. Why? Because it is easy to spin the lie and use that for what made some nut job go postal at their mat. Whether crass, sass or whatever you take from this ranting pass, the day movies and other stuff should be blamed is the day some nut job blowing up things on some far far far away planet, can be blamed on my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

You'll Go For a Ride With This dVerse Guide!

So you want to do such and such a thing there at your wing? Fine, don't share with the cat. I didn't want to know you have the hots for a gnat. But in order to make your wish come true this little dVerse tale is what you have to do.

Zickity lickity ploppity plack,
It's time to go on the attack.
Trippity glappity wittily glop,
Have to crawl before you hop.

With a simple turn,
Of a diggity plapping wippity burn.
You will get things done,
Creating vitty vacky plortora fun.

Eppity eittity eurango dock,
Such a phrase will surely shock.
Tropity gropity lopity loop,
But you'll get the ball through the hoop.

In the final seconds of the game,
Rippity redereta rooga came,
And you secured a win.
Slittle slattle slottle endured no sin.

Aurota purota murota maker,
Prevents you from being a faker.
Clackity prackity lackity lung,
Don't quit until the bell is rung.

Might mean you are down and out,
So give trillo dillo a shout.
With that simple phrase,
All will pippity poppity gaze.

Quimpy rimpy rompy dump,
Will get you over that hump.
Flittery spittery blottery bit,
Will forgo the hump and just get you hit.

Make sure all are said correct,
For glopping glipper can lead to neglect.
Brandily Handily can attest,
Of course yippity pippity aways passes the test.

Whoopidi flopporty tropper shop,
Will ensure you succumb to a flop.
Uttliter drutliter raaaling words,
Should stay with the birds.

Now that the lesson is over,
Forget the four leaf clover,
And give dalingling bagingling a run,
Then the task will be glippity gloppity done.

Get any Face it Facts out of that? Aren't I a confusing cat? But it was so nice to fling a flong and the cat is never wrong. Hmmm yeah maybe a bit but I can take the hit. So fling flong away down at your bay and all will come to pass. Try to trust my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Fifty Shades Of Smut Is The Equivalent Of What Comes Out My Butt!

Actually that is an insult to the cat's poo, which is sad but true. I'll try to stray from the loo but sadly this is where this thing belongs between me and you. For it is the equivalent of watching Barney, cleaning the litter and walking behind the pink curtain to see more than the wizard. Yeah, those images together are quite the blizzard. But let's back up a bit as I continue this ranting fit.

So Anne and Blabber wondered what a guys perspective on the smut book would be a while back at her sea. And yesterday from all the comments below many seemed to have their hatred grow. I had the thing in a drawer, stopping because it was quite the bore. But said the hell with it and speed read through it yesterday for a bit. Well let's just say I'd rather watch The Fountain than ever again climb such a mountain. As that is what it felt like, I was on a damn hike. With all kinds of things in my path and that I was suffering someones wrath. As it took all my will to push on. And what I found, was it is one big ass long con!

Once more it is all about shock factor, which seems to be a stupid person attractor. No other way to put it. To read that thing and enjoy it you either have to have very low wit, be very very very hard up to get a thrill on with yourself, meaning you have no internet connection to look up the other stuff at your shelf or you are simply reading it because you want to relate to the other millions who had such an atrocious fate. Batman & Robin would be a pleasure to the eyes. Heck, I'd even take a movie about killer french fries.

Now it resides in the litter box, I hope that doesn't curl your socks. For take a good whiff and you will like it if:

1. You like mind numbing crap about some useless gal and chap.
2. You get a thrill from having one lose all free will.
3. You like to get smacked around. Pat quickly cut lose one of those at my ground.
4. You like Twilight. Then your future already isn't very bright and neither are you. Sad, but true.
5. You are the author of the thing, as listen to the greed bells ring.
6. Your IQ is one step behind a drunk, doped up, half bred, butt sniffing, monkey. Plus you smell rather funky.
7. You are in jail with no hope of bail.
8. You have ran out of toilet paper at your sea. Then it may even delight me.
9. You need something to start a fire. But only if things are dire.
10. You need to write a blog post about how bad it is. But trust me, you are better off throwing it on the ground, yanking down your pants and on it, taking a good, long, much needed whiz.

Well when something is so far down the gutter the only thing that can touch it is loo talk, I guess I have to pick up the chalk and use it at my sea, not that it really ever bothers me. So there is my review and look Blabber, I even did a great list for you. As well as a rant. I think I'd rather go eat an ant. Or even watch Spiderman 3, Shrek 3, X-Men 3, Die Hard 4 and Indiana Jones 4 all at the same time at my shore. Be more worth while any day, no matter their horrid display. So to the stupid dimwit Fifty Shades of Smut loving mass, you can all get up close and sniff, spank and even get strat on, hey if it's in your contract it is okay, by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Find A Spot And Watch The Brain Rot!

So as Pat was off to the other side of the city, there was no parking spots around, what a pity. So drive round and round he did and at the parking he never flipped his lid, just at the crazy people that were around and he wished he could run them into the ground. A nice soft pile of dirt though, nothing too violent at his show.

First comes a dumb butt,
Who must have read that fifty shades smut.
As dressed to the hilt,
For her would be one mighty large kilt.

Or whatever you suppose,
But anyway she caused eye woes.
As she probably couldn't even fit in a car door,
And was prancing about like she was at the shore.

Or meandering about,
With two pieces of fabric that wouldn't make any guy shout.
Unless they were desperate indeed,
Still she could crush you so you better take heed.

Then came a stupid woman once more,
I guess it was one of those days at our shore.
Or just the ways of women I suppose,
Hmm that statement could cause the cat woes.

But she stepped right out in front of the car,
Like she was drunk from some bar.
Almost sent her flying,
She surely would have been crying.

The crosswalk was ten feet away,
Not a bright one I will say.
Then came a nut who found a spot,
And backed up and in a lot.

Took him ten minutes to parellel park.
The nearby dog got so bored he didn't even want to bark.
The traffic was backed up indeed,
As in lessons he is surely in need.

But he finally got in,
Grinning like he suffered a big win.
Wasn't a new driver either though,
As from the dents and scratches on his car that could show.

Surprised he didn't hit a thing,
That is probably why he let the smile ring.
Not another mark,
Came as he went to park.

Next came a nut,
Who was stuck in a cellphone texting rut.
She tried to ram me,
She missed thankfully.

Her eyes went wide,
As she stepped on the gas after an almost collide.
Then a nut in the other lane,
Had another brain pain.

And thought he could cross into mine,
Like everything was just fine.
As he went to turn,
I made him feel the burn.

Got called quite the name,
And he knew he was to blame.
As Pat flipped him off,
But no longer decided to scoff.

For lord and behold,
After he was told.
A parking spot came due,
And to the stupid drivers he bid adieu.

The cat is just glad he can walk and run really fast, for your human minds aren't very vast. It's a wonder how any of you last and aren't all in a cast. At least it's better than being in that grass. Now you can park it and comment to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

In Order To Make Them Go Away Here Is What You Say!

The cat thought he would have some fun and since they are done in rhyme when spun, why not give some spells a go and they were such fun to do at my show. So to stop a person who is one of these repeat these lines and you will do more than wish fleas on their knees. Or to turn something good and grand some of these can also lend a hand.

1. Hacker Tracker

Hack a little hack a lot,
Hit the button and you will rot.
Off goes your fingers, off goes your toes.
And your eyeballs will be eaten by crows.

2. Groovie Movie

Rid the plastic, rid the flash.
Make it less about the cash.
Forget the ego, forget the nut.
Don't hire those who talk out their butt.

3. Worker Lurker

A mole on your eye,
Joined by the buzzing of a fly.
With such a noisy pitch,
You begin to twitch and itch.

4. Flapper Trapper

From within a bad wiener
The lips grow numb from cleaner.
Out drops the drool,
Now you're nothing but a fool.

5. Lovey Dovey

Wish as you sit,
In some dank pit.
No hope for you,
Sorry but it's true.

6. Claim Fame

A star on the sidewalk,
May be out of stock.
But with these words,
You'll be mauled by herds.

7. Clean Scene

With a little spray,
Lose the germ display.
To extend such reach,
Add a little bleach

8. Sleep Deep

To be out like a light,
You must lose your sight.
Now don't stammer,
As down comes the hammer.

9. Runny Money

A bag full of dough,
A cart to collect the over flow.
All in your path,
If one can do the math.

10. Rhyme Time

With a pound of sand,
From any old land.
You too will be in your prime,
Even if you are plugged up for a time.

Now you know what to do if one of these is bothering you. Except for number five of course. But with it you may find a horse. That could be great too right? Imagining sleeping with that at night. Before the gutter erupts onto the grass I will leave you spell binded over my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Gawk Smart And All Can Be Art!

So Brian with his Gawker powers find art in rain or showers. Wait! Isn't that the same thing? I guess I fail at being a gawker at my wing. Let's make up for that and see what truly can be art at my mat.

Look! There is a screw in the wall.
No, I did not say screw in some bathroom stall.
Why is your mind in the gutter?
Did I stutter?

I guess that can be art.
Okay, a little off point at my cart.
It's a shredder all nice and clunky.
Doesn't it look funky?

Stick some paper out its mouth,
And mail it down south.
I bet it would go for a ton.
Paid for by some nut that had their brains fried under the sun.

Those scissors are nice and yellow,
Oops! Sorry Blabber they are orange and wiggle like jello.
You see they are so old,
A tale can be told.

But that is another story,
To give the scissors glory.
I can't neglect the nifty clock.
It can even walk.

Wait! I guess that is roll.
Either way it took a stroll.
An elastic sling shot.
That is art by a whole lot.

Snap someone in the ass,
Or even fling bass.
See Brian I mentioned a bum,
That has to score points and then some.

Your twin will back me up there.
That is so not fair!
It is a staff only sign.
I don't want to carry any damn walking stick around acting all divine.

See how long that one was?
Because I want no such buzz.
Damn staff are too much work.
Work = staff. Oops, I guess that is a perk.

Desk as clean as a shiny bald head,
Of that potato who's name isn't Ted.
I here he is all head.
Using the same word twice must bring dread.

Wow this gawker stuff is really fun,
Who knows what tale can be spun.
From a little of this and that.
And a rhyme from the cat.

Yeah, the cat is full of nonsense today as I gawked away at my bay and had my say. But what are you going to do about it? Knowing some they'll gawk away at their pit. I guess the cat is just carrying on The Gawker's tradition and thankfully bush number three has no extradition. So he can't get me from my grass and all he can do is curse my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

To Be The Best You Have To Beat The Rest!

So in order to win we all know you have to get number one at your bin. The cat just wants to shout out some of the best today and give them their due with their own display. I will even give Dez a thrill and post one of the best of the best first at my hill. We all know how he likes it on his blogroll. Time to give the best of the best a stroll.

The cover album of Enix is surely the best. It just shows up all the rest. No idea who they/he/she are but I'm sure with this cover they went far. For all the pedophiles and such must have surely liked it much.


Best lips to kiss. Oh those must surely cause bliss and if the lips don't get you the face will. Plastic is such a thrill. So much had to be spent on that bill as you will surely get your fill.


Best landing ever. Isn't that pigeon oh so clever. It even let it self go and made the kid's hair glow. That has to be a win and then it will end up as the cat's din.


The best hair ever. This guy is just oh so clever. Who wouldn't want to be called a rat and looked at like a meal by a cat?


This person is so bright. They must have studied day and night. For the answer makes so much sense. All other answers just make people look dense.


Best parking job ever. This person is also so clever. They parked their car and put their fence on par. Leaving no holes to escape. This person is so super they must wear a cape.


Now here is the best tattoo that could ever come due. Showing off the bald, teeth grinning Spears. Where ever they go they must get cheers.


This guy is showing off the best mouth. it even has a growth. Look at that tongue. I bet he could reach down your throat and lick your lung. Ummm ewww but some might like it to come due.


Not to be outdone my moon woman from a while back. This guy has eyes that do not lack. They popped right out and he never even had chance to give the answer a shout.


This guy learned from the cat. So he is second best at my mat. But in lieu of actually doing it myself, he can get the credit at my shelf. For the second best gas passer. That will surely get rid of any trespasser. Yeah I used the same rhyme. Who cares as that fire consumed a mime.

Now the best of the best have been shown at my sea. Hmmm what is it you are telling me? Oh it is the best of the worst? Didn't I say that with my inital burst? Oops, sorry to confuse and some of them eye abuse. So let the eyes pop and suck on this lips and blow some air from between your hips. Pretty soon you may show up on my grass and get shouted out by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

An Experiment At My Sea. It Really Is a Mystery!

So the cat watched Pat well um strat for a good week, even as he puckered up a cheek. But that is as far as the cat will go there as too much info many could not bare. But let's just say I kept seeing the same thing. The stupid corn was just as it went down when in his mouth he gave it a fling. Now I bum as he eats and he gives me treats, so I watch him chew it up and it doesn't go down whole. Yet it keeps coming out whole like it has its own soul. Why could this be? Have to solve the Face it Facts of the corn mystery.

Magic corn faires,
Or could be berries.
But if you don't eat,
They can't defeat.

And bring about the right shape,
Like that of a grape.
To make the corn,
Just like it was born.

After the stomach storm,
It goes back to the norm.
How can this be?
Moe? Curly? Larry?

A poke and shove isn't the answer at all,
Let's give the poison control a call.
As this can not be safe,
Ones insides must chafe.

For there has to be some stormy weather,
As this gets put back together.
Hmph! I'm on hold.
I guess they expect all to read above the fold.

Like the guy who thought superman wear,
Could make him fly through the air.
I bet it was the corn too,
That made him go crazy on cue.

It would drive all insane,
As it goes down the same lane.
Out and in,
The eater just isn't able to win.

Chew and chew and chew some more,
And it still has the same shape in store.
I bet it is an alien conspiracy at play,
As they make crop circles at night and not day.

So they can hide their evil scheme,
Making all of us dream,
Of corn and its trick.
Aren't those aliens slick?

Aliens, fairies and grapes, oh my.
All of those would make you die.
But the corn would still sit,
Right in your stomach pit.

The same as it was before,
And will be forever more.
I guess it just likes a goodbye and a hello.
Maybe it's just jealous of jello?

Either way that is my thought,
Which I do a whole lot.
Not that it makes sense at all,
But I give my ten cents at my hall.

There we are for all those near and far those are the reasons the cat could come up with for such a task, I guess it depends on those you ask. But either way the corn comes out, unlike the trout, just as it went in, no matter how much chewing you do before swallowing at your bin. Now wasn't this a great topic to shout out in mass? Just another perk of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Take A Turn And Get A dVerse Burn!

So as the cat was going to dVerse it turns out they were closed so he had to sit outside and curse. I guess they had a terminte infestation and had to wait a certain gestation for it to come to pass and so they snubbed my little rhyming ass. Or at least that is what I hear. Maybe my rhymes they fear. Either way it is all their fault. For the cat has gotten sun burn at his vault. Do you know how hard it is to scratch when you have hair that is more than a patch?

Turn to the left, turn to the right.
Either way brings a fright.
For a nice big burn,
Gets you at every turn.

Red like a lobster some say,
Which have yet to try at my bay.
But red like bull,
Hmmm of something they are full.

As the bull runs at red,
Guess I better stay in bed.
Of course that hurts too,
Although at least when I moon all of you.

You will see a red moon rising quite fast,
Unlike Bad Moon Rising I hope it doesn't last.
Red like a clown nose,
Now that surely brings woes.

I will chew off dVerse at the toes,
If such a thngs flows.
Maybe I could pass for a lion,
There is no harm in tryin.

Then they may stick me in a zoo,
That would turn me blue.
Geez all the colors of the rainbow,
Thanks to the dVerse show.

If only they opened the damn door,
Instead of being yellow at their shore.
Look another color worked in.
Damn, I'm good at my bin.

Even while red I'm in the black,
Eating an orange at my shack.
I guess things aren't so black and white,
For grey could dim the bright light.

And all because of the burn,
This color thing took a turn.
Maybe I'll get red like a firetruck,
And hose down each dVerse duck.

Then they could have a swimming pool,
Wouldn't that be cool?
It'd get cold in the winter,
They could keep warm by smashing a printer.

You see where a sun burn takes you?
All over the place like the cat doesn't have a clue.
All thanks to dVerse,
So blame them when you curse.

Or snuggle up to your spring fling,
And give fall a ring.
Get drunk as well,
And now I go back to sun burn hell.

Thanks for that dVerse,
You made me go color perverse.
At least I didn't mention brown,
That would make many frown.

And so my colorful take on this dVerse show is done and now I go back to the yellow sun. For the cat can feel the burn and take it at every turn. At least I'll look bright and cheery for some lass as I trot around with my sun burnt little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Their Fate Is Hazy As They Get Another Crazy!

Newsflash, make a dash and vote now for the cat here! I want to be a winning little rhyming rear.

So the alliance seem to be stretching far and wide and all want to join them with pride. All the crazy loons that is. They seem to like their losing biz. They lose to a rhyming cat, some viking woman and the odd chime by the blue guy at my mat. But this really takes the cake. For the cat really did cause Irish Air's computer to quake. For I hacked it good and found all the crazies that were just misunderstood. Seems she is getting a ton giving her their "why they should be part of the alliance" lippy run.

I will save you the trouble of going through them all and I have just picked the top one at my hall. With this guy the alliance will cause fear. Sadly not the kind that will beat my little rhyming rear, as if that could ever take place. But he will sure give a WTF look to your face. Just give a click and you'll want to whack the alliance with a brick.



So now you can see what the alliance try to hide. The crazies that want to be on their side. For no self respecting person would ever join their crap for they know they'd take a dirt nap. So they have to go to the rubber room and that will spell their doom. But it seems like Irish Air really has a fan. Maybe she can get some on the side from this oh so great man. At least his hair will scare the aliens away and it could repel a death ray.

Aren't you glad I just decided to share and spread the love affair of Irish Air? Let the rumors fly and soon she'll be off in Timbukto with this crazy guy. Oh it is so fun to pick on the alliance and the Irish Air lass. Not sorry if you were scared by this guy thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

You Will Throw Everything Out After This Shout!

So the cat heard something ridiculous the other day that he had to give a go at his bay. And of course ridiculous and PC go hand and hand so this is surely going to be grand. Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs should be retitled here and now because the dwarf reference is not PC and makes them have a cow. Cinderella is outdated because she does house work. I guess she should be a McDonald's clerk? And this was just some of the dumb they gave a hum. Let's see what else should be changed to go PC.

One calling their underwear drawers,
Could lead to lots of roars.
Those poor desks, cabinets and dressers could get mad,
That they are compared to the underwear of a lad.

A movie, food, shoe or any other junkie
Is no longer funky.
For those poor drug kingpins,
Might not like other junkies taking clientele from their bins.

Xena dresses in leather.
Should change that quick like the weather.
After all no ones does that any more,
Unless they want to umm explore.

American Pie is so offensive,
Makes Canadians get defensive.
For ours work just a well,
At least that is what others tell.

White Fang is out of luck,
Because of a complaining umm PC duck.
Drazin has troubles too,
Being bald makes follicly challenged come due.

And Penguin Man's favorite word,
Also is too absurd.
For evil just will not do.
Niceness deprived is more suitable for you.

The homeless also got in on the act,
Saying it was a fact.
They were only a flexible resident,
So no one should get bent.

Not to mention the poor cardboard box.
That I take for walks.
It has two cracks in it.
Oh the shame of making a rear have a fit.

If you are never found,
It means you've lost ground.
Oh wait!
Location deprived is your fate.

And this one I heard,
From a little bird.
A pervert is also not immune,
For they are just someone engaged in nontraditional espionage of some loon.

All of this was crazy?
Made you eyes go hazy?
Well good
And as well it should.

This PC is so very dumb,
They talk out their bum.
Saying this and that,
Just annoying the cat.

All of this garbage on fairy tales and other junk is a bunch of bunk. Everyone has grown up with it and just because you have become a nitwit, believing in such trash while batting your fake eyelash. It does not mean I will listen to your crap. I'll make it take a dirt nap. Will say what I want to say each and every day. If I offend a desk and its drawers, pound sand at my shores. So a big duck you to the PC people has come to pass and they can simply look, or excuse me, engage in nontraditional methods as I walk away with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Pick And Flick Is A Tad Sick!

The cat was on the search for someone to knock Tarsier Man away from my perch. As he takes up the time of the cat by making me recite his tales at my mat. So the cat searched far and wide and found someone with little pride. I think he may just do the trick and make Tarsier Man go into the woods and save no one but a hick. Here are the reasons why he'll make Tarsier Man cry.


He doesn't care if he has a hole for he always goes for the goal. Just look at that guy. His chin could win on the first try. Does his food go down there as he tries to swallow? Maybe his chin is really hollow.


Besides he has already picked and flicked his way across a world with loos. Now with that on his resume how can he lose?


He even makes a tree smile but being so vile and leaving some slime from his nose hanging there like the tree branch has toes. Or are they leaves? Either way I bet after he goes the tree grieves.


He even goes to the lair of those turtles with such flare. I guess it is a magic loo that sends him where ever he wishes to come due. He even gets points for going into the town's rusty joints.


He makes everyone open real wide, helping dentists far and wide. Anyone who helps a dentist is great, right? I bet by now you so want to see such a fight.


He even saves the weird and wacky without the need of a lacky. He just drops them on their head and hopes they don't wind up dead. What a way to save by sending them to an early grave.


Look at him frolic along and he doesn't even have a theme song. He just hops along with his boogers ready to go and picks and flicks as each bad guy decides to show.



He even works at night and climbs down from such a height. Look at that chin stretch. I bet he is just awesome at playing fetch.

Look at him blend in with the background. I bet he is never ever found. As he watches that snot drip. Boy, isn't this Booger Man hip?



And when all is said and done he cleans up just for fun. He just sticks all the trash in one spot and lets it sit there to rot. He even throws in some of his precious snot after twarting such an evil plot.

Doesn't Booger Man sound grand? Don't you want him at my land? Did you notice the sarcasm by me? As snot would surely mess with my OCD. I'll take eye popping nut job Tarsier Man, who I'm still not a fan, over this clown any day. But he was such fun to give a go at my bay. And so the snot has come to pass and thankfully, none got on my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 13, 2012

With One Final Fit It Could Be Time To Quit!

So the cat wanted to help you out and give a little shout about what one does when they are tired of a bees annoying buzz. Yeah, you want it to quit it, right? That annoying buzzing that keeps coming day and night. Let's just pretend it is a bee for that makes it easy. Plus it rhymes quite well like flea on your knee is so swell. Plus the oh so sublime like kicking a scary mime. Anyway, so how to say I Quit in a different way. This should be quite the display.

Could go with duck it all.
Change the d to an f at your hall.
Or the old Take This Job and Shove It thing,
And slam a door as you leave your work wing.

But then that has all be done,
And they have been used a ton.
So why not find something new,
To say when such a thing comes due.

Stick this in your usb drive and flash it?
Would that be a hit?
Take your clicking pens,
And shove them in your Depends.

Of course they'd have to be old,
For that one to be told.
You heard what I said,
Do you need it stapled to your forhead?

That would work afterwards I suppose,
Could see how that goes.
I'm free!
If you are just full of glee.

Of course then it would soon be,
I'm broke at your sea.
The grocery store was all out of sauce,
But I still have a big FU left for you, boss.

There you go,
If you are made to get groceries at your work show,
That could surely do.
Could even tell them to take the FU and chew.

Maybe you just want to show it,
So walk in with a bag full of umm shit.
Then light it on fire,
And walk out as the sprinklers go and things get dire.

Hmmm that has been done,
But would also be fun.
Although you might get sued,
For being so rude.

Could just move away,
And not worry about what to say.
Go all witness protection,
And let them suffer neglection.

That could be the best,
If you are above the rest.
If not,
They'd probably let you rot.

So then what do you do,
To quit the zoo?
Simply become a member of it,
Bark, wail and howl at the moon in a fit.

Then you will surely get away,
And that bee will quit it at your bay.
Get some nice meds as well,
Along with a nice rubber cell.

So there you go, you can quit, set fire to poo and go to a loony show. All in one day if you are brave and it is all thanks to my rhyming cave. Don't you just feel special now that the cat has given such a meow? Helping all you humans live like me, fun and fancy free. And whenever you want to pass gas you can now do so with ease, just like my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Eyes Have It With This Fit!

So a little while ago old one eye did a post to Pat and the cat at her show. She was so nice to him that the cat wanted to heave up a hairball and things were looking grim. But then the cat got plenty of exposure as well, so I didn't have to go through coughing hell. Since old one eye was so nice I thought I could send her some fuzzy dice, which would be infested with fleas to bite her knees. But then it hit me, let's help her see and get her an eye transplant. This way she can have two eyes to see when she goes on some very very very long rant. Then maybe it will come into her view that we need a break to go to the loo. So away we go, on with the show.

So Elsie is currently like this,
A one eye you can't miss.
I guess at least people will stop and stare,
For that horrid thing is truly rare.

But what can one do,
With an eye that belongs in a zoo,
Right between the huge pile of elephant poo,
And the port a pottie loo?

Why with technology today,
She can join the two eyed fray.
But there are only certain donors out there,
All of which were tracked down to show at my lair.

You got the crossed eyed bloke,
Who looks like he is about to choke.
Man eyes for her,
Oh that'd surely make her words slur.

The ones the spilt the sight,
Between each one take flight.
The glasses come free,
So she can look like some old bitty.

Some newborn eyes,
Would give her a younger disguise.
Too bad the wrinkles would show,
And everyone would know.

The stretchy eyes,
Could surely tell lies.
As she has to stare to the sky,
Once again with the eyes of a guy.

The plastic eyes come cheap,
And can seduce a creep.
But they can't move one bit,
So she'd be known as the staring nitwit.

She could let out her inner Hulk,
And they come in bulk.
So just incase they pop,
She can get more with a quick pit stop.

The droopy eyes will get her love,
Or maybe a quick shove.
As no one wants to put up with a whiner,
They'd leave her out behind a diner.

Tarsier eyes are also available for a price,
But she may get some lice.
As they make her face grow hair,
Then she could join the circus being oh so rare.

And finally her last option,
Is a cat eye adoption.
But sadly this one was tested before,
And now the person is blind at their shore.

For you don't mess with a cat,
And be all nice to Pat.
Or you get the stink eye,
And I make you fry.

Now wasn't that fun? I wonder which one old one eye will get done? I bet the angry eyes would come in handy now, as she could be having a cow. Such fun at my sea and surely causes me glee. But even with two eyes in her view, she'll always be a one eyed lass to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

No One Can Neglect Little Old Me Not Even Cassie!

So when the cat came to pass and was flown to bush number three before I knew I was a little rhyming ass, there was already a cat here and Cassie, ie Miss Priss, hated my little rhyming rear. I came up to her with glee and all she did was hiss and bat me. Her eyes were so wide with hate I thought death would be my fate. She did not like me one bit and had quite the fit.

I'm going to let you in on a secret though, as you all wonder why the cat has a fascination with poo at his show. Yes, the pringle cans are fun and throwing them at nasty humans like Penguin Man must be done. But it was because the cat was christianed, babtised, thrown into water of some sort, whatever you wish to call it at my court. And what water was it? Well look below to see what Cassie did at our pit.



See! She tried to drown me. She tried to flush me down the loo and that is just one of the first things she tried to do. So the cat was re-born from the thing that takes away your crap. Now you know why I always take such a lap. And why do I bring this up now? For it is once more time to wow. As children's book number four is finally taking the release tour.



PRINT VERSION

AMAZON

CREATESPACE

E-BOOK VERSION

AMAZON KINDLE

PDF

That is right. It is about the adventures Cassie and I had while I tried to make her see the light. For no one can ignore my oh so fun self forever. I am far far too clever. As you can see, with book number four from me. Also with Wayman Publishing too. Oh that is such fun to have come due. So as you can see above you can show the cat some love. For book number four is for sale with the rest and it does pass the rhyming test. So beware when you come to trespass as Cassie may have a fit and flush you like she did to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

A Whole dVerse Year With My Little Rhyming Rear!

So dVerse lasted a year and the cat never missed a Tuesday cheer, damn I am good, get a medal I should. But then the cat doesn't miss a day here at his bay. Through all the crap he has still taken the rhyming lap. So why not collect them all and jibber jabber away like a drunk at my hall. I do that anyway? Pfft so go eat some hay.

The tease of the ease,
Came about because of fleas.
The alliance is perverse,
That was already diverse.

Approve of the groove?
Let the walrus stick and move.
Goes round and round,
And still was never found.

Some are dense,
With the common sense of a fence.
That could be pointy too,
Or eletrocute you.

Bitter with Twitter was grand,
Let's give Facebook a hand.
Pfft yeah right.
Just like the sucking vampires of the night.

With a yakkety yak,
You find them on crack.
To the hilt with a quilt,
Sadly it was never built.

Triskaidekaphobia came due,
Confusing and scaring many with its view.
Sunk with junk,
They put me in a funk.

Bitch of a glitch,
Scratched my dVerse itch.
A mutt went to the loo in a shoe,
For all to view.

Royal is fun to say,
And to have such a regal display.
Have hit the brink,
Driving me right to drink.

Lean thanks to the urban scene
Boy, are they mean.
And it could annoy,
Which brings me joy.

From me to you,
As Mr. Linky still tries to sue.
And all rhymes,
With some grammar crimes.

So what should this say?
I make catchy titles at my bay?
Or maybe that dVerse takes all kinds,
From mutts to vampires to rhyming behinds.

And as said when it opened up,
Filling each cup.
Is this dVerse enough for you?
Yes, you know it is true.

So all titles that have come to pass in one form or another at my grass. As I played each Tuesday with dVerse and some times I even let out a curse. But it doesn't matter what one does or if they are covered in hair or fuzz. Even if you want to truly pass gas, dVerse welcomes all and would never deny my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 9, 2012

At The Beach Comes One Who Likes To Preach!

The cat was out and about on this warm day and I decided to go to the beach for a stay. Of course it turned into quite the affair and I got sand in my hair. That is quite the pain to get out but I also caught a trout. It was quite easy when you have a paw, just use the claw. I was chowing down at the shore and along came some couple who decided to preach to me forever more. I guess they thought I was mean to the poor fish and rude for not eating it from a dish.

"Turn to the light my child. This is not path you must take. Join us and learn the power of the Written Mitten."

They did not like the smile I gave as they continued to rant and rave. Did they know how stupid a cult name that was? Can one even write with mittens and all their fuzz? I suppose they can indeed, maybe that is why these nuts believed and were making my ears bleed.

"The Written Mitten bylaw 50.2 dash 675 states you must never harm a fish without first asking its permission. You will go to hell for what you just did. Repent and give money to The Written Mitten. We will save your soul."

Hmm so these clowns wanted me to talk to fish before I made it into a tasty dish? What do you say to one who swims in their own poo? How do you do, I want to eat you? Once more it seems nuts have found me that have a loose screw at my sea. But they got the money part right. Giving oh so much money would make everything write. Isn't it funny how that seems to work? So I tossed them a loonie with a smirk.

"This will not suffice. If your cause is just you must save your soul through giving. The Written Mitten bylaw 400.32 dash 543 states that one should live without and give to all."

Wow that must be one long ass book. I bet it would take weeks to read at any nook. They were impressive to have read it all. Maybe I should sell all at my hall. Pfft right! And I'll let aliens probe me tonight. I also don't think they got the loonie point I was trying to make. Maybe I should save all the trouble and drown them in a nearby lake? But then my cause might be even worse and I might need to give them a toonie to lift the curse. And if you live without yet give it all away, doesn't that mean another is breaking the bylaw by living with at their bay? Hmm tricky these Written Mitten weirdos were so I began to purr.

"See that is the spirit my friend. Give and you will recieve plenty in return. The Written Mitten has tons in store for you. The more you give the more levels you will increase within and save your earthly soul."

They wanted me to give and give some more and after all I was at the shore. So I decided to give them all I had and of course their knowledge of cats seemed bad. For when I dug a hole in the beach they continued to preach and thought I was un-burying my treasure, as they gave a look of pleasure. But that quickly turned to disgust as I went bust. Gave them everything inside me and trotted off with glee. Now the Written Mitten has deprieved a poor Pringle can and damned my soul but at least I got a tan. That will teach nuts to interrupt me when I eat a cousin to bass unless they want what comes out of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

One Of A Kind For Your Behind!

This crap keeps finding me, no pun intended at my sea. But it seems on the drive to that other place something came in front of the cat's face. As I peered from that cage, which you know I do not think is all the rage, I saw a sign that acted like it was all divine. I will tell you what it said but for one part you will have to use your head. "The World's Only _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Museum" is what was on display. I already gave you one hint at my bay. So now let's do a few more to see if you can get the missing word at my shore.

Whether warm or cold,
It's worth more than gold.
At least at a certain point,
Otherwise may get your nose out of joint.

Requires some other stuff,
Leaves can be rather rough.
A hover may come due,
For many with ocd too.

Some boards make up the side,
They aren't very wide.
Or very clean.
Pretty much obscene.

One and all,
Can hear nature's call.
From all around,
Each and every sound.

Can save time,
With such grime.
If you are in a rush,
For you don't have to flush.

If it is cold,
I am told.
You can't shit or get off the pot,
For you get stuck to the rot.

I bet you know by now.
If not take a bow.
For you are special indeed,
But in case you are in need.

I will give you the word,
As you may find it absurd.
But I swear it is true,
This came into my view.

The World's Only Outhouse Museum!
Sure beats a coliseum.
Who wants to go to the Eiffel Tower,
Or watch some northern light shower?

When you can go to a museum dedicated to the outhouse.
I never knew it was so close.
People should come from far and wide.
To take in the outhouse museum with pride!

So is it the world's only one or has a tall tale been spun? Would you even want to boast about such a thing? How can it add any relevance to your wing? Oh this is just so very sad. But I'm sure a fun time would be had. Besides if you eat some bad bass and pass more than gas you'll have plenty of places to go and don't forget to thank my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Weird And Wacky When You Are A Ketchup Lacky!

So since Blabber broke Pat of his picky eating at our sea a lot more has also been tried by me. The cat has stolen the bread and everything else that comes into view, I even ate a cracker or two. But one thing still remains of course and that is the ketchup Pat uses without remorse. Of course more spices and stuff are grand as well but he still had to try ketchup on things to see if it tasted swell. So let's see what is the best and passed the test.

Apples and ketchup get the thumbs up from Pat! Even though both are nasty to the cat. But both as one? Have you ever thought that would be done?

Bananas and ketchup no way! Both are nasty at my bay. But Pat can still gag it down just ketchup gives it an even nastier crown. Not to mention freezing it. That is nastier by quite a bit.

Toast and ketchup work but not much of a perk. Olive Oil is much better for that and that's the way it is eaten at our mat. Even once by the cat who stole some like a rat.

Broccoli and ketchup can be done but it isn't all that fun. Although it can still be given a run and you might like it more under your sun.

Raw Garlic and ketchup is nasty in every way. Hell raw garlic is almost as nasty as dairy at my bay. If you want things to get dire and your mouth to feel like it is on fire, chew on some of that. Although you will surely scare your dog, kid or cat.

Honey and ketchup mixed by mistake and a good pair they do not make. Quite nasty putting those together and mixing them about. Although unlike the raw garlic it did not make me shout.

Grapes and ketchup I tried once more. I can take or leave them at my shore. As it doesn't seem to add much to it but also doesn't cause a fit. So go ahead and give that one a try as it won't cause your tongue to burn alive thinking you are going to die.

Blueberries and ketchup do not go well, it just does not taste swell. But Pat gave it a try and saying it was blah is no lie.

Bagels and ketchup does not work at all. You'll want to spit it back out at your stall. Then again bagels and Pat also don't get along. Either way them with ketchup is sooo wrong.

Fiber one bar and ketchup is nasty too. Not to mention it clogs you up so you can't poo. That was not a fun sight to behold. So those things were told and dumped in the garbage can. They were good but being clogged up did not make Pat a fan.

So all and all apples win. They are the weirdest and best with ketchup at my bin. The rest either are nasty or need another sauce/spice to make them taste nice. Now all must go, chop up an apple and give it a try. It tastes really good and that isn't a lie. Go see for yourself at your shelf or take a pass and just trust my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 6, 2012

WorqueenDan Is Such A Liar. Better Off Setting It On Fire!

So WorqueenDan went on a rant over at his sicko plant about awards being handed out like digital herpes. If only they were more like slurpies, maybe it would be less of a medical expense. But I bet humans would still be dense. Anyway, he said for his award you would get bored because you have to do nothing at all. He sure as hell lied at his hall. Just look at that thing, as your eyes stare at it the germs fling.

WorqueenDan thought he could give germs to the cat.
But instead I squashed his award flat.


I mean wouldn't you?
The delivery guy even evaporates from view.
It melted the damn road.
I hear it even killed a poor toad.


For it was the equivalent of that,
Oh so nasty to the cat.
Look at all that mold,
That his peeing on it made take hold.


I sprayed it like this,
And I sure didn't miss.
I used the whole can,
To rid it of the germs of Dan.


But it still had his smell,
And that wasn't swell.
So in the box it went,
Some of you now might get bent.


For I added my smell,
And Miss Priss helped out too at our cell.
We buried it real good,
And left plenty of brown wood.

That brought about these things,
I did eat off their wings.
But still it wasn't grand,
For they could smell him in the sand.

So I did the only thing I could,
And rolled it up like a log of wood.
Then shoved it up this guy's gazoo.
Now it was no longer in view.


But it eventually come out,
And fossilized, floating about.
I had to rid the world of such a thing,
For WorqueenDan would never be king.


So I did what I should have at the start,
Instead of being accepting at my cart.
I burnt the thing to a crisp,
But the wind started to wisp.

The stench went for miles,
And humans came by the piles.
They all looked on in awe,
Finding WorqueenDan's stench so raw.

They were mystified by it,
And surrounded the fire pit.
I had to end this mass,
And simply passed some gas.


The gassy mixture didn't go over so well,
As things went all to Hell.
Half the planet is now gone,
All because of an award from WorqueenDan's lawn.

Now you know that awards with rules are for fools but awards that you do nothing with what so ever, can be quite the apocalyptic endeavor. All because a Queen wanted to make a scene. If only he could resist the beer and not pee on them and cause fear. Oh well, I hope it's warm in Hell. For the cat is still alive to tell the tale as fire reigned like hail. So never ever mix gas with anything that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

It Is A Fact That Weirdo's I Seem To Attract.

So another nut, showed up the other day at my hut. Unlike that Beyonder crazy who made his eyes go hazy and asked question after question to me. This nut decided he would just shout facts at bush number three. That is right. I opened the door and he blurted out facts on sight. And just for you I decided to repeat them here at my zoo.

The dead sea is dying.
Redundent much? But thanks for trying.
A humpback whale creates the loudest sound of any living creature.
Windbag, you do know this isn't a double feature.

A dog's sense of smell is 1000 better than you or I.
Yet the mutt still has to snick its nose up the butt of some guy.
Mosquitos are attracted most to the color blue.
And how does one know this is true?

Jupiter is larger than a 1000 Earths.
Probably where you were given birth.
The moon moves away from us at 34cm a year.
I can still moon with my rear, never fear.

Every year 1.5 billion is spent on pet food.
The cat wants the best nothing that is crude.
Lightning bolts can travel 60 miles.
Learn that from the X-Files?

Every year in the US 625 people are struck by lightning.
Still on this topic? That is frightening.
More germs are transferred from shaking hands than kissing.
And you wondered why your hand shake went missing.

The average human blinks 25 times per minute.
That must have been tough to compute.
Thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
I hope they don't run out of cement for the street.

The average person will shed 40 pounds of skin in their lifetime.
Ewww that is just not sublime.
A sneeze can exceed the speed of 100mph.
Wow! That is some type of power.

Some large asteriods even have their own moon.
I bet you saw that in a cartoon.
A human heart beats 100,000 times per day.
Can you count that high anyway?

The average person laughs 15 times a day.
Hmmm I think I can blow that away.
It takes 72 muscles to produce human speech.
Is that why some speak as well as a leech?

A cockroach can survive a week without its head.
And then I hope the damn thing drops dead.
There are 701 types of pure bred dogs.
Oh just think of the blogs.

Sharks are the only animals that never get sick.
That is a nifty trick.
Male seahorses produce offspring.
Ohhh I am glad cats can't do such a thing.

Only about 10 percent of all known forms of animal life still exist today.
And you are getting too talky at my bay.
It takes a lobster seven years to grow to be one pound.
And it's time you were no longer found.

So off, we'll call him Full Fact, went after he had his little vent. Some things I just did not need to know. But with germs, see! I told you so. There are some Face it Facts for your brain that Full Fact brought down like rain. I hope they weren't too scary for lad or lass and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.