Sunday, September 30, 2012

Being Like The Stalker. I Mean Gawker!

So at the dVerse show Brian wants all to stalk. Damn, I mean gawk. I get those two so confused. If you were gawked would you feel abused? I suppose that is a whole other kettle of fish and you would rather chow down on some tasty dish. Now what can the cat gawk? Maybe something that might make one balk? Who knows what will happen on my walk but thankfully it will not include a parrot squawk.

I wanted some food,
They were all rude.
Kicking out the cat.
So I sent in Pat.

Of course there was a line,
Which annoyed this feline.
But it was worth the wait.
To make some old crone irate.

Pat was a ways back.
Holding my food sack.
When a kid a ways up.
Starting grinning like a pup.

Sticking out his tongue,
To his toy he clung.
Pat egged him on.
Using him as a pawn.

For a face at Pat,
Like that of a rat,
Was quite funny,
As a cowboy hat man spent money.

Stood out in the crowd,
Acted rather proud.
After all he bought,
A magazine that would make a part hot to trot.

Doesn't he know of the Internet?
That's when this old crone started to fret.
She tightened up her wig,
After the kid made a face like a pig.

The crone scolded the kid,
Almost flipping her lid.
Pat still kept him going,
As her anger was growing.

Oh look,
It's a how to cook book.
She certainly doesn't need that,
Lugging about such umm fat.

A magic shave gel thing.
Her stache could be given a fling.
Yeah it might sting.
Did I mention she could sing?

Calling all around,
Howling like a hound.
Over a kids funny face,
That Pat just kept making him embrace.

His mother finally caught on to the scheme,
Seems she was on their team.
Letting the faces fly,
As the old crone threw her hands to the sky.

"Kids now a days"
She shouted in such preachy ways.
Then stomped off to another line,
Still trying to act all divine.

So Pat gained a space,
From a simple funny face.
Made an old crone frown,
Who was already off to crazy town.

Even got asked if he babysat.
But that was the end of that.
No germy little runt will take him away.
Besides been there done that back in the day.

Did I mention there was Pokemon cards?
Some lights for yards?
Bubble gum too,
And even some super glue.

Plus twins shown that were royal.
Not sure they were above the foil.
And oh the shame,
Obama is playing some game.

Do you really nationally need to inquire?
Could find that out kicking a tire.
Pat finally got my food,
The old crone was still rude.

The kid went off with his toy,
Lego sure brings joy.
And the cowboy was playing a game.
But he was losing and saying things not so tame.

Now was that not fun? I guess much can happen gawking under the sun. With seven billion of you humans around and probably a good billion or so of the hound. That is not a surprising fact. It is fun to watch how people act. Especially if they step in something on the grass. Don't look at me, it was not left by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Look At The Bleeding Heart On That Train Cart!

All mutts do is lick their balls and run up and down halls, they eat some crap and take a butt sniffing lap. But this isn't about those boring old things. This is about Pat wishing he had wings. For when you want to get past and the stupid loooooong ass train is vast, it can take quite a while and go on for a good  loooooong mile.

Stuck in a rut,
Literally, as the road has a gut.
It sucked it in.
What a sin.

Oh wait, that is just a pot hole.
Next to a flag pole.
It reads "Happy Harry's."
Must beat Moody Larry's.

Or Whiny Barry's,
Or Crying Carrie's.
Yeah I picked the girl name to cry.
Had to, after all the whining of one eye.

That just worked so well.
She may damn me to hell.
Where was I?
Oh yes, what I spy.

"Boyzzz" is scene.
So are they sleepy or mean?
Maybe no sleep makes them so.
If I pry their anger may grow.

"Traps Rule!!!!"
Your four ! means their cool.
What a nimrod.
Probably written by a cod.

A picture of a hmmm monkey squirrel?
That face makes me want to hurl.
Yeah, it was that bad of a drawing.
But better than the cat's pawing.

42 is the number I've reached.
Still my time is being leeched.
Happy Harry would even swear.
But he's happy, what does he care?

"Right to live"
That info you had to give?
Paint it loud and proud.
You make draw a crowd.

Oh look you did.
"Or die" flipped their lid.
But it was in green,
Your blue was less obscene.

On to number 56.
Boy, these train guys are dicks.
How many damn carts do they need?
I guess they heard me plead.

58 and they are done.
The gate raises and off to work fun.
Hmmm maybe I'd rather watch the train.
"Gooseberry" sounds like a fun lane.

Yep, those were spray painted on the carts I saw. Some were rather unreadable or had a flaw that I could just not get one bit. I guess they were made by a nitwit. One was a big red square. What is the point in that at any lair? To prove you are dumb? Maybe you spray paint a red square when you hum. Either way Pat finally got to stop wasting gas and I got to be a train cart ranting little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Friday, September 28, 2012

The Lines Keep Coming From Some Familiar Humming!

So the cat will be lazy today as dVerse brought about this little verse at my bay. Of course some say such dirty words. But I'm going to go out and chase down some birds. I have no idea what they will say. Take heed when reading today.

Don't move, dirtbag.
I'm talking to you, blowing flag.
Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?
Fall for that and your growth may stunt.

Hi, I'm Paulie Penis and I just love to have fun.
Hmmm back out to the sun.
Can we call it a Tallywhacker?
I guess if you have the right backer.

What kind of host invites you to his house and dies on you?
One that must really hate having you in his view.
He slimed me!
What the dead can do to thee.

I could show a movie on your butt fatso.
That is good to know.
Why do they call her Lassie?
I bet it isn't because she's classy.

They should make pills for this shit.
Then you could have a pill popping fit.
Yes it's true, this man has no dick.
Hmm for him that pill may do the trick.

That's a big twinkie.
Or maybe your eye has a winkie.
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass.
Yes, but did you trespass?

All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again
Every day at my den.
Always let your conscience be your guide.
Yeah, avoid giving hitchhikers a ride.

Go spit.
Standing or as I sit?
I'm too old for this shit.
You asked, don't have a fit.

You're going to need a bigger boat.
Why? Can't it carry a goat?
I bet you can squeal like a pig.
Take your fiddle and dance a jig.

The price is wrong, bitch.
But it can still make you rich.
Go ahead, make my day.
Sorry, no money at my bay.

Fat, drunk and stupid, is no way to go through life, son.
No, but it has been done.
You damn dirty ape.
Did you eat a bad grape?

I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.
Could have fooled me with that display.
You want me to strap her to the hood?
She's on a rocker made of wood.

Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.
Maybe you should work that off with a hike.
If you build it, they will come.
Especially if you have good rum.

He's going to need a rocket up his ass to catch that one.
Wow, must have hit it a ton.
What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?
I'd do it for enough moolah.

Show me the money.
I was just trying to be funny.
Say hello to my little friend.
Wow, you must really want to join a drag trend.

I'm the ghost with the most.
Just don't haunt this host.
You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Always so violent, sigh.

Do, or do not. There is no try.
Wise of you little green guy.
We all go a little mad sometimes.
Especially when reading my rhymes.

Drop the stereo before I blow your god damn nuts off, asshole.
Wow, you accomplished your being scary goal.
Now I have a machine gun, Ho, Ho, Ho.
Christmas is still a while off you know.

I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek.
You are really up the creek.
May the force be with you,
And your panties to.

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too.
I'm not a mutt, adjust your view.
Mother Pus-bucket.
Why not just say duck it?

Eating greens is a special treat, It makes long ears and great big feet.
But it sure is awful stuff to eat.
Along with that wheat,
Your rhyme was neat.

There's no place like home.
Just forgo the tacky lawn gnome.
I'll be back.
And so ends the quote attack.

Okay, the cat had to cheat a bit. He could not stop himself from doing it. You talk at my place and there has to be a retort. Plus rules are never followed at my court. Now have fun with all the quotes and don't be afraid to take notes. For I still have to go get those birds in the grass and be hunting little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

When You Snooze You Lose!

Yeah, I know I went all "over used saying" in the title I have displaying. But we aren't going down the typical lane today with that. If you are slow you deserve to lose to a cat. That is just typical anyway for you always lose to the cat at this bay. I may gloat too much. But someone has to and such. Now on with the show. You humans really are not in the know.

Let's build a clock.
Big revelation, such a shock.
It will tell time.
Wow, you are in your prime.

Wait, that has been done.
Let's have some fun.
We can put an extra button on it.
This will surely be a hit.

We will call it snooze.
Pass me some more booze.
Oh that hit the spot.
Don't you think this will be hot?

After all at each house,
When all are sleeping like a mouse.
They idiots set their alarms early,
Then they can hit the button all squirrely.

Instead of setting it,
Not like a nitwit.
At the time they want to get up.
And go fill their coffee cup.

Let's make no point in the alarm.
What could be the harm?
They just raise their arm,
And stay on the funny farm.

A few minutes more,
They want to snore.
Waking up to turn it off.
Giving them enough time to scoff.

Then it will go off once more.
Same old encore.
Until finally they grumble,
And out of bed they stumble.

Oh this will be a hit.
Surely not a money pit.
But might cause some strife.
Just another dumb habit in life.

When all one needs to do.
Is set it for the time that's true.
That way no button to hit,
And no morning fit.

You get up when you are supposed to.
Not hitting on button on cue.
Makes little sense,
Boy, you humans are dense.

But I suppose that is always the way.
Now go enjoy your day.
While the cat goes back to sleep.
And you sit at work counting sheep.

Wasn't that fun? It just so had to be done. For it is something that does make little sense and proves humans are so dense. The cat wins once more with his encore. Now go pass some gas, that will wake you and your lass. It may be a bit crass. But that is nothing new for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The Weird And Whacky. Some Are Rather Tacky!

Did you know there are very scary things running, crawling and umm blubbering to and fro? My the cat is astonished at what is out there. These things have to be rare. I wouldn't want to find many in a dark alley. So let's go do a scary animal rally.


The Alpaca is quite the thing.
Not a sheep and not llama at its wing.
It is known for its fiber as well.
I guess it must make one go rather swell.
Oh, they meant for socks and stuff.
Well we wouldn't want you in the buff.


Look at the Angora Rabbit.
Bad hair days must be a nasty habit
Looks like a bad wig.
That is for a head that's very big.
Were popular pets for royality too.
No wonder, they can give a huge allergic reaction on cue.


This guy is one ugly sucker.
Sure to make your lips pucker.
It is a blobfish.
Quite the tasty dish?
Pfft I think not.
That thing doesn't even weigh a whole lot.


The axolotl is a slippery fellow.
And looks oh so yellow.
Can regenerate most body parts,
Except for their hearts.
And look at those seaweed things.
Surprised it doesn't sprout wings.


Obviously this guy is well known.
With his platypus groan.
It lays eggs too,
And can poison you.
Not a nice chap.
I bet that beak can flap.



Here you go.
Want a new pair of shoes at your show?
Get a shoebill for a thrill.
Although you might get hit with a hefty bill.
Pun intended of course.
I can say that with no remorse.


He has a smile on his chest.
Doesn't he just look his best?
Take one look below,
And you might think twice about this fellow.


My what a big tongue he's got.
That would sure clean a umm hut.
Imagine where that could go.
Slurp slurp goes the sun bear down below.


This thing looks like some stuffed toy.
That would bring a kid joy.
But nope it is real.
Stranger than a naked seal.
Oops, they are just like that.
The yeti crab's furry things can poison and knock you out flat.

And we end with such an ugly creature.
Looks like something from a horror feature.
Makes the tarsier seem grand.
Outdoing its bug eyes across the land.
Look at the middle finger.
You'd sure get told off if the Aye were to linger.

Now you have seen a frightfest for today. Glad I could give you a nightmare at my bay. It is such fun to do of course at my sea. Plus some may even oh dear me. Now I'm done with my weird animal class. Yeah, I know I'm a very weird little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Such A dVerse Cheat. I Will Still Make Them Suffer Defeat!

So in case all of you didn't know because dVerse is keeping it on the down low, they installed a few game machines there. They really make the cat swear. Those things are rigged I say. But they will not win no matter how much I have to pay.

For a simple buck,
You can test your luck.
Line up the blocks in a row,
Make them all keep their glow.

Then you win a prize.
We tell you no lies.
It is so easy a monkey could win.
Oops! You lost, what a sin.

For another buck,
You could test your luck.
I mean you already tried,
You know where the tricks hide.

Care to try once more?
Could wind up at some foreign shore.
Damn! You lost again.
Such is the fate of men.

Third time is the charm.
What's the harm?
Just another buck.
Care to try your luck?

You found two ways to lose,
Through it this time you'll cruise.
And on that note,
You may even hop a boat.

Picture a cruise getaway.
So what do you say?
Oh! So close, yet so far.
Maybe you should try the bar.

I'm just kidding with you.
Four is ever so true.
That is your number I bet.
So don't runaway and fret.

For another buck.
You can once more try your luck.
Now that you've drained all the bad.
Good luck must be had.

Give it one more try.
I bet you don't die.
Rats! I was so wrong.
And you won for so long.

Only to end up back at the start.
Doesn't that just break your heart?
But you will survive.
Let's go for five.

Just another buck,
And you can test your luck.
Crap! Ever so close.
Almost won a house.

Oh! Almost once more.
Damn! Could have went to the shore.
Wow! You almost had it that time.
Oh! Losing is such a crime.

What is that?
Your wallet is flat?
Hey dude, want to try your luck.
It costs just a buck.

The joke is on them though for I knew they would cheat at their show. So I stole the tip jar, meaning I'm still on par. They weren't going to get a dime for committing such a crime. The next time I get admission I will bring the lottery commission. That will get some sass and still make me a winning little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Idiotic Proof As They Stand On A Roof!

The cat was strolling down the street when I heard a familiar beat. One I wished I would never hear again. It was those two stupid men. The rather large Gung whose bell is surely rung and Ho who is also a tad slow. They stood on top this wall and out to the world Ho began to call.

"I can't take this. Nothing that rhymes with Ho causes me bliss."

He looked around like "what the hell" as he began rhyming not so swell. He spied me and blamed me for his rhyming spree.

"There is that stinkin cat. Maybe when I jump I'll crush him flat."

Gung stood beside him in a fuss and tried to get him to come back off the ledge with the odd cuss.

"Ho, you know we will find your flow. Just because Gung is hung doesn't mean your bell needs to be rung. Damn cat is making me rhyme too. Go away! Shoo!"

I stood and watched the stupid pair, mostly to annoy them now and stay in their hair. At least I could have a little bit of fun. Plus soak up some sun.

"Ignore that cat, Ho. He is so far down below, he can't do a thing. Please don't let your body fling."

Ho stood on the ledge like he was going to jump. If it was Gung, who is so very plump, he'd just bounce. But Ho might not stand a chance if he were to pounce.

"I can't take it anymore, Gung. I just can't. My bell is rung. It is time for Ho to go and join that cloudy sky show."

"You can't do it, Ho. I will find your flow. Ho can grow? Is big down below? Is in the know? Makes you reap what you sow? See there are tons that will give people the runs."

"It is too late. I have sealed my fate. For this ledge is my destiny and such. I despise life too much."

The pair stood there and cried in their soup. It was about time I flew out of this whack job coup. So I started to trot away, figuring soon enough on the ground Ho would lay. Bad grammar there? Yeah, I don't care. For it was such a shock when I turned to find Gung giving off some God awful squawk.

"Ho, NOOOOOO!"

He sounded much like a little girl. The sight of Ho really made me want to hurl. For those five whole feet really were a treat. I didn't have to be close to his mug, then he looked up rather smug.

"I have lived through this awful event. I didn't even crack on the cement. God, must want me to live on. Gung, let's go mow the lawn."

Gung hopped off the ledge and the pair made a pledge. They stated they would never climb on top a three year olds playhouse again. For they can be dangerous to such big men. They trotted off with glee. Those two really disgust me. I may go leave something in their grass. So when they mow they can step in it and curse my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Same Old Same Old As It Takes Hold!

So dVerse wants me to be unexpected today? Aren't I always at my bay? Do you ever guess what is to come from my little rhyming bum? So I will just rant on about what pops in and go for the win. Or hmmm maybe I should go another way. Let's see what happens today.

Look into my eyes.
I will tell you no lies.
Today I will not neglect your senses.
But you might head for the fences.


I'll make you honk your horn,
By bringing back kitty porn.
Even snip snip,
I can crack a fine whip.


I'll even show you lunch.
They make a mean crunch.
They may bite though,
So don't chew slow.


What happens with too much green,
And oranges eaten at your scene.
So add the rat burger to your diet.
You know you want to try it.


Don't say I never neglect the animals at my sea.
I help them and thee.
I mean indigestion can be a bitch.
Now neither human or animal will suffer such an itch.


Look, I give you another thrill.
No need for any blue pill.
Hats off and all.
Go now and have a ball.


Brian, this is for you.
I know you like freedom too.
But don't you want to be super?
I beat that S would put one in a stuper.


And in case that rat burger is not sitting right.
Back is ZOMBIE FOOT for a fright.
Now go throw up in the loo,
Just don't miss as that would be eww.


So much and so little,
Boy, she isn't brittle.
Doesn't she want to make you wiggle your ass?
What a flexible lass.

Now go and brush.
Come on now, mush.
I'm saving you all here.
From feet to stretchy rear.

How was that grouping today?
Totally unexpected at my bay?
I bet you never thought you see such sights,
All in one place to cause frights.

Except for my great self of course.
I show off all without remorse.
Now you have been scarred for life.
Bet you did not expect such strife.

Wasn't that fun? I know it's just so unexpected under my sun. Like anyone would have guessed zombie feet that I would show for a treat. Either way I'll still be unexpected at my bay. For even if I'm forty posts ahead, you'll never guess what goes on in my head. For the cat doesn't even know. So whatever will show will show. Now off to pass some gas which is expected from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

That Was Fun. Start And Done!

Isn't it grand how it is the change of season yet it is ignored for some reason. I wonder why that could be? I bet it has to do with money. What is that you say? It is because of Santa's sleigh? Well I guess it is the most wonderful time of the year. So it must make fall disappear.

For out come the winter clothes,
Talking about snow causing woes.
Out comes the lights,
That light up those cold nights.

What about fall?
Halloween candy still resides on the wall.
But oh that christmas tree.
Is really a sight to see.

Act now and get an ornament free.
Who cares if today isn't christmasy.
Just buy the thing up.
Look, even a christmas cup.

Oh there are some dvds too.
Already there to view.
Wait! There is more.
We are packing the store.

Gift wrap as well.
Bows are so swell.
Snowglobes too.
Snow tires must come due.

That kind of makes sense.
But let's say they are dense.
Big honking reindeer for the lawn.
Fall is just a con.

Shop early and get the buys.
Why would we tell lies?
Batman says to buy.
Elmo wants you to give it a try.

Count to three,
And go on a shopping spree.
Who cares if the same thing will be had,
In the coming months at our pad.

Right now is where it is at.
Fall is out like a rat.
While winter comes to play,
Each and every day.

Get your chocolate calendars too.
Buy two for your zoo.
That way you are in luck.
By spending the extra buck.

For October has 31 days too.
Use the first on cue.
Then the days will pass fast.
Our sales will be more vast.

Forget about fall.
Why sit in a stall?
Just buy buy buy.
Says the jolly old fat guy.

Isn't it grand how the stores are all ready for the Christmas season? You'd think by fall coming it has committed treason. They just want to skip over it, stopping for Halloween a bit and then move on to all those decorations that will dawn your lawn. Hope they don't dig too deep in my grass. They might not like what they find from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Oh This Should Be Fun. Maybe Not For One!



See the pic above. Betsy made it to send Pat some birthday love. I mean after such a display of what he's eaten for breakfast, chicken nuggets, forever at his bay, how could the cat not return the favor and give her something to savor. For it is her birthday today and quite over the hill I will say. What was that? Are you going to curse the cat? It is a small hill. Besides after a little picking the cat has gone out and gotten you a birthday thrill.

The only one never to miss a post,
Here at my sea, bay, umm coast.
Have used many names,
During my rhyming games.

And either way,
Betsy, has always had her say.
Since she began at my bay,
After Brian by something like a day.

Sadly he missed one or two,
When his vacation came due.
Fred ended his streak,
Blabber also is up the creek.

Mary has gotten many in a row,
Anne tries to strike a blow.
But it never comes to pass,
As I just wiggle my ass.

Many others come each day,
But none that are at my bay.
Have never missed one post.
That has been spun by your host.

So what does the cat do,
To show appreciation at his zoo?
Well for her birthday he gives her a thrill.
And you are all welcome to get your fill.

Just click below.
Although just so you know.
You may go blind,
From such a find.





Now isn't that just a birthday wish you want to see? Come on, you can tell me. Now Betsy has truly been cemented into rhyme time fame and in a way that is no so tame. Which is the best way to be here with little old me. I'm sure he was enjoyed less by lad than lass. Either way, hope no one went blind and enjoyed the happy birthday to Betsy from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

If I Had To Operate It Would Be A Bad Fate!

So Pat was sitting waiting for his car. For an oil change was needed and thankfully that was all at our bar. But he sat and listened to the goobly gook of the mechanic and some rather rude mook. Back and forth they went with the mook having to vent. They used terms Pat never knew. I guess the cat will have to repeat it for all of you.

The slider thing is off.
The air cooler thing has a cough.
The storing back latch.
Has a curved hook hatch.

The wire to the sound,
Is no longer found.
It was the transwhack a mole.
Must have been that extra coal.

I knew I shouldn't have used that.
But I wanted to use my engineer hat.
The noise making steering wheel.
Seems to have a raw deal.

It click and clacks from side to side.
Causing for a bumpy ride.
That trumpet in the middle,
Should be replaced by a fiddle.

Wouldn't it be fun to honk a fiddle tune?
All could dance under the moon.
Don't confuse it with a banjo,
Or in the woods all would go.

To do what I don't want to know.
That thingy magiggy started to glow.
I think it's the wheel well.
A screw is causing all of this Hell.

I got screwed and didn't even know it.
You have to like the cat's wit.
Even if the Jack Frost killer.
Is off in some movie thriller.

The brake glades leak.
Should a doctor I seek?
Speaking of that,
Someone hid my floor mat.

Shouldn't it stay with Fred Flintstone wheels?
No wonder that place had such good deals.
They had my rearview looker thing inside out.
It always made me twist and shout.

The going hole thing for the key,
Really confuses me.
My screwdriver fits in.
Why can't I ever win?

If only head beams had sun glasses.
My ride would appeal to the masses.
Could save the eyes of many too.
Those highlights could hurt your view.

Speaking of which,
My cars baldness much itch.
A good head of hair,
Would make it that much more rare.

It could go on the goer block.
That would make people gawk.
Some motor water would be nice.
Fill it up twice.

Add some swishy fluid too.
And it will look brand new.
Give the cracks some duct tape and super glue.
I guaruntee it will hold until the next time I see you.

And so it went that after the mook had his little vent. He drove his duct taped car away and it was quite the awful display. Surprised it is even allowed on the road. Probably be faster to hop a toad. Oh and the cat embleshed a bit as Pat isn't such a nitwit. He can at least work the key hole. That is a high goal. Don't you think? At least the car isn't pink. Fun to sit and watch some sass. Makes for quite the tale from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I Confess I Told Them To Shove Their Email Address!

So Pat was out and about when he should have been buying us trout. But I guess since Miss Priss is so dainty at our sea, I will have to suffer because of she. Anyway, he went to buy some mundane thing that isn't worth giving a ring. The cashier was all nice and cheery to the extent it was eerie. It was like a cheery Flappy and just as yappy.

Are you on our mailing list?
No, that I must have missed.
You can sign up now.
No, I'll get by somehow.

But you get perks.
No, to the works.
But there is a free gift.
No, that's too much to lift.

You could get 20% off.
No, go dunk your head in a horse trough.
You really must sign up.
No, but I'd like to know what's in that coffee cup.

You will love it.
No, you damn nitwit.
It's to die for.
I can't believe you said such an encore.

You can save lots of money.
No, your painted on eyebrows look funny.
It will only take a minute or two.
How many damn times do I have to say no to you?

You can take the form and come back.
No, stop causing me flack.
Isn't email just so easy to use.
Hmmm I suppose for you it could confuse.

That will be such and such a price.
Watch, you'll have to say that twice.
Do you have a dime?
No, is that a crime?

It would make it easier to count.
Wow, you act like it is a high amount.
You could sign up while I get your change.
No, you are truly out on the range.

One of these and this one needs two.
Do you want me to wait while you take off your shoe?
And this should be the right.
Don't care after such a plight.

One, two and three makes it.
Wow, and you act like you're such a hit.
Are you sure you won't sign up and show some love?
Take your list and give it a shove.

Besides Pat's last line the rest of his was embelished by the feline, as I had to make them rhyme. But hers was spot on, including the dime. She acted like that sign up list for the damn store was the end all and be all forever more. God knows what would have happened if she had to use the debit machine. Probably would have been a whole other scene. Pat tried his best not to give sass and he did last longer than I would have with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Another dVerse Year Under My Belt Of Making Your Mind Melt!

Now this is not to gloat about never missing an open linky day at the dVerse boat. I already did that and I don't want to be a repeat cat. This is not the anniversary of the blog. That comes a little while after egg nog. So what could it be? Hmm I guess you'll just have to wait and see. So take a knee or scratch a flea., as you find out what it is all about.

On one faithful day,
That cat had an idea at his bay.
It has been done by some,
But not by this rhyming bum.

The idea was to do this.
Something about a miss.
And maybe I hiss,
Even throw in some bliss.

Boogerman and snot,
Flowed a whole lot.
Zombie feet came into view,
Leaving a treat for you.

Some serious, some not.
Some caused brain rot.
Repeating a tune,
That only makes trolls swoon.

Not something you want.
Unless you want me to taunt.
Blabber and a troll,
Took a stroll.

Under a bridge,
He pushed her from a ridge.
A ridge under a bridge would work.
The bridge is just a perk.

Although Brian built the thing,
Betsy let the materials fling.
So if it breaks,
And you fall into lakes.

The twins are at fault.
Hope you know how to pole vault.
I got a little off track,
As I tend to do at my shack.

From aliens to whoopdi friggin doo.
One Eye still doesn't have a clue.
Bloody Hell, I made daydreamer rhyme,
More than one time.

Gave Heaven some lust,
But Hell might hold me in trust.
Showed off Irish Air's stalker.
He was quite the talker.

And off course movie after movie came due.
A big nerd, it's true.
Oh well to that.
Beats chewing the fat.

Who wants to do that anyway?
Takes all damn day.
With a Flappy wannabe,
You'd be better off lost at sea.

Did you get it yet?
Read the label below I bet.
If you said yes.
Come now, confess.

Either way,
I get to gloat today.
As on this day,
I still have my say.

But with this post,
I can now boast.
That I went a WHOLE year.
Not missing a day with a post from my little rhyming rear.

That is right all, here today at my stall, I have gone every single solitary day for a year without missing a day. Now I can go lean back in the hay. Actually that would itch like a bitch. Have to say it once more, NEVER missed a day for ONE WHOLE YEAR at my shore. Damn, I really have a lot of gas. Maybe I'll go for two with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, September 17, 2012

What Can Annoy As You Fly For Joy!

So I was listening err umm eavesdropping the other day and knew I had to give this a go at my bay. The guy was going on about the flight from hell. I guess it really was not swell. He seems to have went through an aggravation or two and now let's see what I can use and come up with at my zoo.

Those who pull a stunt,
Sticking their carry on in the front.
When they are at the back.
Surely deserve flack.

Those who have a bag,
And like to play tag.
Carrying it sideways over their head,
Whacking others and causing them dread.

Those who have a small bladder,
And want to make people madder.
So they insist on the window seat.
Yet keep getting up to go pass a treat.

Those tall gals and guys,
Who act so unwise.
And stick out their ass,
So right in your face you can see its mass.

Those who jump up way in the back.
Thinking they are sharp as a tack.
When the flight is done.
Where are they going to run?

Those who let kids off leash.
I mean really? Geesh
Of course they do that anywhere,
Because they just don't care.

Those who push on back your seat.
Do they want me to smell their feet?
Yeah they stink.
Even if your shoes are pink.

Those who need to walk.
Or get up and gawk.
When the meal cart comes.
Should have the decency to stay on their bums.

Those who spit their food.
That is just rude.
I mean when they talk.
But yeah they can to that anywhere to make you balk.

Those that do this and that.
Sure I can go on forever at my mat.
And everyone else can too.
There is always a nut around to annoy you.

Whether by plane, train or car.
Can be found near and far.
Oh well I guess they are here to stay.
Unless we throw them into a below bay.

But that last one could result in jail time for if they can't swim it would surely be a crime. Maybe just ask first and then if yes, quench their thirst. So there we go, all came from ease dropping at my work show. What could be bad also is if they have gas. That would really annoy my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Not The First But Certainly A Burst!

First time for this, first time for that. Many have come for Pat and the cat. A first time for everything gets a chime and sometimes it is a crime. But dVerse wants the cat to drone on about a first. I guess I can quench their thirst. Oh how the mind goes to the gutter. Never fear, the cat won't make you stutter. He is snip snip after all here at his hall.

So a first you say?
I can't pick one my way.
Have to go on and on,
As usual at my lawn.

First time I had to mow,
Can't believe I wanted to give that a go.
Stupid ass grass,
The yard was one large, hill, dip and whatever else friggin mass.

Locked myself in the fridge too.
Thought I was slick with that coming due.
But the door closed behind.
The cold is so unkind.

First bubble went pop,
Ran at it non stop.
Then got soap in my eyes,
That was unwise.

First blog post by me,
Not something to see.
We'll skip that,
And pretend it never happened at my mat.

First time I felt old,
When crap took hold,
That is not a thrill,
Soon have to pop a pill.

Fell down the stairs,
To a lot of glares.
But it was okay,
As my rump bounced the whole way.

First time Lassie was given a call,
And the guy stuck his umm wick through the wall.
Or there was a yippee kay yay,
Uttered on screen at my bay.

The Neutron Dance and a cigarrette truck.
First time I uttered fuck.
Got in trouble for that,
Doesn't matter so much now at my mat.

When "Who you gonna call,"
Became a phrase with no other answer again at my hall.
First thing that pops in,
Is always those busting ghosts of sin.

First window I broke,
The ball gave it a could poke.
How'd I know it could bounce so much,
I just gave it a little touch.

Tangle with barb wire,
Ended kind of dire.
Third eye on back my leg now,
It's watching you somehow.

First time the cat got off a plane.
Should have took a train,
Was not happy,
I was rather yappy.

Hiding under the blanket in my cage,
Expressing my rage.
But all comes to pass,
From the windows to the grass.

For at every turn,
First will always burn.
Then we simply learn,
The bad is gone, hopefully, and the good will still churn.

There we go, lots of firsts that flow. Whatever popped into my head is what I said. You knew a movie reference or ten would show up at my den. Had to stop myself or we would be here forever at my shelf. But at least some firsts came to pass. Some from Pat and some from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Uplifting At My Sea! Who Me?

With all the ranting and history seed planting. All the other stuff that I tend to puff. I figured I would give you a nice tingly feeling today. So here is some inspiration that I put on display.

Fancy a dish?
Make a wish
Or just do it,
And don't just sit.

Want this or that?
Grab a hard hat,
And stick in the hours,
Through sun and showers.

Path could simply change,
Or totally rearrange.
Through this and that.
Need squashes want flat.

Time to waste,
Brain turns to paste.
Wrestling with the mind,
Letting your teeth grind.

Not going to provide,
Or make you smile wide.
Want the simple perk?
Do the work.

Whether that be play,
Or avoid the fray.
Maybe flip it and join,
Should you require coin.

Will there's a way.
To sound cliche.
Simply take time to think,
But not to the brink.

Roll around the mud,
Come out with a thud.
Sunshine will seem brighter.
Dulling the need for a lighter.

Outlook becomes old yet new.
Depends on the view.
The eyes you see through.
Belief in what is true.

Opinions are assholes.
Can prevent goals.
Shove them aside,
To change the tide.

Done in sun or showers,
Add up the hours.
Under that hard hat,
For this or that.

Don't just sit.
When you can do it.
Forget the wish,
If you fancy the dish.

There we go. There was my inspirational flow. I guess some days the cat can be uplifting I suppose and not curl some toes. I really need to bring back zombie feet. That will be the ying to this yang and such a treat. I also had to be a little crass but it is true, at least according, to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Tarsier Man Gets A Foe Thanks To His Toe!

The cat will tell the tale,
To show another Tarsier Man fail.
For evil he created.
Or maybe they're just related.

Tarsier Man had to run.
He latest job was done.
He had to catch the mail.
So he hit the trail.

He found a box,
But couldn't work the locks.
He had to stop this high crime.
But in good time.

He spied the mailman.
Who was a fan.
He gladly took the envelope.
But then lost all hope.

Tarsier Man sang his tune.
Spun around like a baboon.
Which I suppose fits,
Coming from jungle pits.

Once he was done.
The mailman clapped at his fun.
But upon Tarsier Man's pose.
He stepped on the guy's toes.

It seems the mailman had a sore spot.
That when hit things go to pot.
He gets all hot,
And mean by a whole lot.

The mailman declared,
Tariser Man would be spared.
So he could watch what comes,
Then gave a few hums.

He ate Tarsier Man's letter too.
Which would not do.
Tarsier Man gave chase.
Letting his eyes pop from his face.

The mailman stopped the truck.
Jumped out with a hat like a buck.
He had camo that was tye dye.
That was really hard on the eye.

Then he yelled his name.
To let all know is fame.
The Mailman!
Sounds like a flash in the pan.

He tried to poke Tarsier Man's eyes.
But they zoomed around him like flies.
He declared the mail would fail.
For he was going to set sail.

No one would talk.
Because he wouldn't walk.
No bills would pass.
Think that would bother the mass?

I guess he hasn't heard of e-mail.
That's an epic fail.
Tarsier Man sprang in the air,
Twirling with such flair.

The Mailman sent him flying,
Without even trying.
Whacking him with a big mail bag.
He laughed tearing up his mailman flag.

Declaring once more,
No mail would come to any door.
He hopped in his truck,
Patted his hat like a buck.

He then took off down the road.
Running over a poor toad.
Tarsier Man would not accept defeat.
He began to tingle from his head to feet.

His ears then stretched from his head.
That is what I said.
They stretched catching the truck.
Latching on to the hat like a buck.

Things then got drastic.
The stretchy ears snapped like an elastic.
Tarsier Man went zooming down the street.
He thought his new power was neat.

He smacked The Mailman,
His former fan.
Knocking off his hat.
The truck squashed a rat.

The Mailman's bag had no room to fling,
So he gave a typical bad guy ring.
Tarsier Man stopped the truck,
Keeping his hat like a buck.

One ear grabbed The Mailman,
Then off it ran.
The ear stretched right to jail,
Dropping him off without fail.

To this day,
The Mailman says he'll pay.
For stealing his hat like a buck.
One day Tarsier Man will run out of luck.

Tarsier Man strutted down the street.
To his own beat.
Loving The Mailman's defeat.
Thinking once again they will never meet.

So now he has eyes that can pop and his ears can stretch the bad guys all the way to a cop. Damn, those things must be strong. Plus they can really stretch long. Once more he created the bad guy. Why does he even try? He sure has his own hero class. One that is beyond my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

That's What I Said, You Are A Dunderhead!

Alright, maybe not you. But get ready for a Dunderhead to come within your view. For children's book number five is here. It even has a bush with a full moon rear. But I won't spoil it all for you as plenty more comes due.

There are twins,
Dressed in alien skins.
A weird and wacky green guy.
Who likes to give a victory cry.

A Reaper who is misunderstood.
Could it be because he's made of wood?
There is also a ship.
That is oh so hip.

Wait, wrong body part.
Nope, it isn't the heart.
The ship resembles a toe.
You heard it here first at my show.

Hmm I was not supposed to spoil you.
Bah, I guess I will give you something else to view.
So here you go.
A few more spoilers are down below.


What could this be?
The toe has crashed in a yellow sea?
Hmm wouldn't you like to know.
Maybe it is some type of show.


Look at him float.
Maybe he saw a goat?
I suppose it is a good guess.
But you are wrong I will confess.


And what you were waiting for.
It truly is something of lore.
The bush with the tush.
Who wants to chomp you to mush.



(Which works on your computer too, incase you never knew)


Now on the way you go.
Just click the linkies above that show.
And you can go,
On an adventure in a big toe.

With a bush eating tush as well.
That shouldn't be a hard sell.
And you've guessed it I bet.
But if not don't fret.

For the illustrations were done,
Making them oh so fun.
By Bryan from A Beer For The Shower.
Thankfully he didn't do the story as he'd make the kiddies cower.

As you can see below,
And he doesn't rhyme, just so you know.
Oh the shame,
But then one is scared away by my rhyming fame.

"Bryan is a bit too touched in the head to write kids' books, so he left
that to Pat Hatt and just did the artwork. Both agree that’s for the best."





Be very glad,
The story wasn't written by this lad!

Remember to review on amazon too!

So that makes five and this one might eat you alive. At least you can go in both ends. Those aliens have such weird trends. Will Dunderhead get away? Or will the bush with the tush have a very nice day? I guess you will have to find out what comes to pass by reading the tale from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Damn! Lots Of Fun Can Be Had With Spam!

So the cat received hate mail a time or two from the so called snobby poetry crew, slamming the rhyme as they saw fit. But I just treat them like some nitwit. This one though made me laugh a bunch a she/he/it is really really out to lunch.

Now, I'm not going to give it, let's go with "it" for this fit, the time of day and post the crap they kept trying to say. But they did email a time or two, saying they saw the blog and some conversation with them should come due. Some thought actually went into it, as it didn't seem like some scam type shit. So Pat pretended to play along, letting them sing their song.

First it was normal as can be,
Then they really liked talking to me.
Then it came to no more just nice,
It wanted to add some spice.

No idea where the nut came from,
But I laughed off my bum.
As advice on acts,
And some unwanted facts,

Were asked as well,
It didn't take long to go to Hell.
Then I got blasted for ignoring,
Or because I was boring.

And wasting It's time,
When It could be off with a mime.
It's too bad to,
For before It left they would have flown 1000 miles to be in my view.

Right!
And I bet their hot air balloon would take flight.
It was sure full of hot air,
Now It is blocked at my lair.

After one final message came due,
Pound Sand on cue.
Not sure if that was gotten or not,
But it did amuse Pat a whole lot.

King Abubu is pretty bland,
It as least made for fun in my land.
Hope I was comforting too,
As my words flew.

Nut jobs really come out of the wood work,
As they sit and lurk.
I guess that is the price we pay,
For having a blog on display.

Oh well it made for a post for your rhyming host and It was entertaining too as the crap flew. Then came the hate mail that It gave a wail and that is more of what I am used to, with such Peacock's in my view. And that is what happens when you receive a friendly "let's chat" email class. Now you can avoid the hassle thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

With This dVerse I May Make Some Curse!

So on this day many will take time to pray for what happened eleven years ago down at the NY show. And as well they should but something to think about at your dVerse hood. Why bother doing it on this day? Can be done just as easily next May. Or any other time you wish. Instead many follow like a fish.

Paraded about each year.
To keep up the fear.
And the anger of course.
Forget about the remorse.

They want to keep you occupied.
So all will find some misguided pride.
And let their tactics stick.
Letting the bombs continue to tick.

Same thing happens in many other places.
But you never see the faces.
Unless to further an agenda on CNN.
Otherwise you won't even find it on channel ten.

That's the what's coming up next one,
Up here under my sun.
They want it to seem,
Like the other crap is all a dream.

Who cares about the collatoral damage given.
As long as we are livin.
Just stay under ones thumb,
And sit on your bum.

That is all they want.
Making up stories of "bad guys" to haunt.
Weapons of mass destruction my ass.
Which probably gives off more lethal gas.

Since way back when,
At any old den.
The issue they continue to flaunt.
So they can get what they want.

All about the greed.
Not people in need.
That load of crap,
Went out with blowing people off the map.

No one wants war.
Until "poof" out comes something of lore.
To make such a thing occur.
Ones eyes then just blur.

Need to bomb that place.
Because they made a funny face.
Oops! That isn't a good reason.
Who can we say committed treason?

Eenie Meanie Minee Moe!
It was that guy because he stepped on my toe.
Just get a couple of posters up,
Blame him for this hiccup.

And poof instant war.
To which the blind masses will adore.
When really it's all one big crock.
Ask yourself, does that come as a shock?

Not saying don't mourn or pray for the dead. So don't go losing your pretty little head. Saying it's just like life and the love for your husband, kids or wife. You don't just show it on one day. Unless you suck at your bay. Then that is on you but that is another issue. Don't fall for their crap as each year they take a lap in order to keep all in check, so they can shoot rockets from a deck. Pull the fleece back on the reason for attack. And again same thing happens at many another den. More often then not and that means a whole friggin lot. So there is my ten cents worth sass and that is all on that from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Whoopdi Friggin Doo Searches For A Sound Crew!

Robbie Raisin is back and you know I never lack. But Whoopdi Friggin Doo is going national now. All of you will see me and bow as I come out on stage. I'll be all the rage. But that means a new sound crew I have to hire and during the interviews things surely got dire. I'll show you the best of the worst. Boy, were they whacko in their burst. Think it is something in the water? Maybe they ate bad sea otter? Whatever the case may be you can surely see why they were never hired by me.

Why should I choose you for this job over Bob?

Keepin it Real Folks: "OOOOHHHHH"

Wow, you sure put effort into the interview I'll say. You do know it's the middle of the day?

How much are you looking for to help my fame grow forever more?

Fred: "i think I'll crumble up this scribbled up paper and take a shot at the wastepaper basket"

So you think I would double it. The rim you could not even hit.

What do you think of my show? Don't be afriad to let me know.

Brian:  "its like a soap opera isnt it, get enough people to togeher and the piles start to shit up"

You can't even spell. So I say go to Hell! Such rude people now a days. I guess weeding them out during the interview process pays.

What are you thinking right now as you raise that eyebrow?

RCB: "I wonder if there's a color called Poo Blue"

So you think about poo during an interview? Good thing I never asked you what you knew. I'd probably get more toilet talk. You are not up to snuff and so take a walk.

What is your best advice for making those pay the price?

Al: A mime with a sneeze isn't the worst of woes. Unless he ended up with boogers from his nose.

Okay, I guess the nut jobs really are out today. First the poo and now boogers come due. Did someone call the bodily fluid squad? Of course Brian gave a nod.

What do you think of office romance and what is your stance?

Betsy: "I guess you get in trouble if you blow me a She's Sweet bubble"

I guess I'll never do that, I'll go back to the OHHHHH interviewee to chew such fat.

How are you? Are you ready for your interview?

Anne: "I've been a bit of a grump with my head up my rump."

Hmmm that is talent I will admit. But I don't think that will make my show a hit. Especially if it stays there a bit and you have to ummm shit.

Can you do a cartwheel while you eat a happy meal?

Gloria: "????????"

Oh dear. I confused her I fear.

Will you show up on time and work for a dime?

Hank: "Top of the table! Hank"

Great! He talks in the third person, just my fate.

Would you make me lunch during a time crunch?

YeamieWaffles: "I hope that you get to eat a bat"

Hmm your cooking leaves much to be desired. If you were ever hired you'd surely be fired.

Anything you wish to share other than your obsession with hair?

Jax: "I have an elephant figurine in my room that I face towards the door."

That will surely get you the job if it weren't for the two elephant figurines owned by Bob.

What is with that dirty look? Are you writing a book?

Elsie: " I'm just catching up from yesterday and saw that you called me OLD"

Well I have to tell the truth. Is it my fault you look like an old bitty named Ruth?

Is your work ethic high like that Bob guy?

Daydreamertoo: "....and not half arsed or fat arsed at all ...simply all about a lazy arse"

Why not just say ass? Think arse has more class?

What is your thoughts on people and their work plots?

Heaven: "Then of course, they whine harder and louder now"

Hmmm are we talking about the same thing? I never asked about a fling.

Do you expect special treatment at all when you are on call?

Mary: "thankfully no one has ever thrown soup!"

Hmmm I guess that is a no if you are willing to stoop that low.

What do you think when you let this picture sink?

Sherry: "did you know bananas are a natural mosquito repellant"

Wow, so you look at a house and you think of not a mouse but a bug. I think your hole is dug.

Things can cause a strain, can you handle the free reign?

Adam: "They are also berries and slightly radioactive"

Are you trying to prove you are better than the rest? I doubt they are radioactive, they may smell bad at best.

And that was just the tip of the iceberg too. Now I will show you another 1000 questions that came due.........

......................................................................

I think I will end his rant right there. I hope he and Bob have quite the affair. Maybe they will shoot whoopdi friggin doo near your town and then you can come on down. The Price is Right already has that line. Maybe you could swing down on a vine? Tarzan might not let such a thing come to pass. But no matter what it is fun to use the comments left to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

One By One They Fall Like A Domino Wall!

So dVerse wants the cat to write about the fall. Damn, that is one big ass call. Couldn't they have been more descriptive at their sea? This is going to be one big chore for little old me. Oh well, I guess I can talk about things that fell.

Just the other day,
Here at my bay.
A plate fell.
Pat, didn't think that was swell.

The Berlin Wall,
Took a fall.
Batman broke his back,
Can relate at my shack.

The rise and fall of Superman,
Him I'm not a fan.
Fall back, spring ahead.
Is what someone said.

To keep the time shift straight.
That I also hate.
Not so much now,
But spring's will make me meow.

Many have fallen from grace.
But that would take years at my place.
So we will skip that,
Instead go to the normal at my mat.

Something like Falling Skies,
With scary alien guys.
Or Falling Down.
That causes a frown.

Legends of the Fall.
That is quite the call.
Are you legend if you fall?
Hmm did I make you hit a wall?

Also fish fell from the sky.
That is no lie.
Even more weird I suppose.
A cow fell from the sky causing woes.

That was over in Japan.
Due to some Russian man.
Meat fell from the sky as well.
Damn, do you think it's a sign of hell?

Things fall apart.
That you can take to heart.
From your car,
To the door you left ajar.

Stocks rise and fall.
Who really cares at all?
That will cause a rant at my feed.
Over the usual greed.

Civilizations fall too,
Like the crazy Mayans and their crazy view.
Has enough stuff fallen yet?
I think that is a safe bet.

What is that?
Are you talking to the cat?
I hope I didn't fall flat.
But if you say it I'll hit you with a bat.

That last part maybe not so much but that depends on if I can reach out and touch. What are you trying to say? I didn't to the right thing for the dVerse bay? Fall is what you asked for over at your shore. Ohhhh autumn you say. You need to be more specific with your display. What? You said that? Pffft don't try to fool the cat. Autumn will always come to pass just like the things that fall, besides my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

We Go Anywhere We Want To Go. It Doesn't Matter If You Know!

That is right, whether day or night, the cat and any other feline will hang out in a box or hang from the clothesline. You can say no and try to block us at your show. But we will find a way because you can't watch us all night and day.

We will curl up in your socks.
Even if they smell like the docks
Take over any empty box.
The size of a shoe or ox.

The drawer is fair game.
If it's open you're to blame.
The purse of a dame,
We will also claim.

Under your bed.
We'll dig to cause dread.
Even on top your head.
That's what I said.

Between your legs as well.
No humpty hump at your cell.
The bathtub is swell.
With water it's a tough sell.

The kitchen sink too,
With no dishes from you.
Even the one in the loo.
All ours no matter how many in view.

Hide in your plant pots.
Whether green or with pokadots.
The toys of tots.
Boy, they have lots.

Your favorite chair.
No matter how you glare
On some stair.
Making you fall and swear.

On top of whatever,
It's an easy endeavor.
From TV stand,
Small or grand.

To your night table,
We are more than able.
House or stable,
We'll curl up like a cable.

Inside the fridge too.
Should it be opened by you.
Even a shoe,
Could easily come due.

A pot or pan,
Make us a fan.
That chair where you tan,
No matter your ban.

A full sized plate,
Which we know you hate.
Even a big enough cup.
So give it up.

For the cat goes where ever I please.
Whether I want the sun or breeze.
Maybe just to spread fleas,
On your pretty little knees.

As does any other cat.
Skinny or fat,
Fluffy or not.
You are all slaves to us like a robot.

Doesn't it make you feel warm and fuzzy all over? You obey us more than rover. Or maybe just the same we just play a whole other game. A level above most and go anywhere because you are the host. We own the place. So don't put on a funny face and give us sass. For all I will do is spin around and show you my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Flappy And The Table. Sadly, This Is Not A Fable!

So after a vacation at work, Pat came back and it did not make him smirk. But that is neither here nor there for Flappy was about to show up at his work lair. He had not seen her in over a month or so, but his hatred was still able to show. For when the make up drenched cow came through the door, he knew more of her stupid arse comments were in store.

"How is your summer so far? That is good, I bet it's been really good. Isn't summer just the best?"

Now ignoring how she just sounded like some blonde beach bimbo from barbie land with that last statement she made, thinking she sounded oh so grand. She did not even give Pat time to speak, which made him just want to throw her off a peak.

"Can I get a bigger table over there? I have an expo and I want to see if it will all fit on the table. You know it would be better if you had a bigger table. Why don't you use a bigger table? Can I get a bigger table?"

Pat wished he could whack her in the head with one and make it hurt a ton. But she might buy the farm and plus it would probably screw up Pat's arm. So he told her no and that they were given away from his work show. Really they were not, but he was going to let her idea rot.

"That is awful. Why would you sell the bigger table?"

As she blabbed on about the table once more, like Pat was in charge of selling them at his work shore. She tried to push two together of the smaller ones and then puckered up like she had to runs.

"I hate these small ones, they don't move. They have wheels but they don't move. Why did you have to switch tables. I just wanted to see if it would fit for my expo. Now I'll have to figure it out on the day. Are you sure you don't have a bigger table anywhere?"

The dunce still didn't know how to unlock the wheel. Getting out of bed in the morning for her must be quite the ordeal. She probably gets lost under the sheet. I bet 6 out of 7 days she suffers defeat.

"Maybe next time you can have a bigger table. Could you let them know I don't like the change? Can you tell them these tables are broken? These tables should move. I liked the bigger tables better. Are you sure there are none around? You need a bigger table."

You would think getting a bigger damn table was like winning the lottery or something. The dunce even let her arms fling. Pat hoped she'd stab herself with her pen. But he was not so lucky at his work den. As in came the rest and she spread her big table desires with such zest.

"Don't you think the big tables were better? I liked it so much better with the big tables. They need to bring those big tables back. Can you believe they sold the big tables?"

I think they got she was talking about big tables the first ten times she said it. But she had to keep saying them with her fit. Over and over and over. Maybe if Pat was lucky she'd get bit by a stray rover. Could get a good lunch with its crunch.

The table talk went on and on and on and on some more. I guess she thought some crowd somewhere far far far away demanded an encore. So make sure you have a big table set up or at least a big scary pup, if Flappy should ever come your way. Do me a favor and keep her at your bay. Or use her for bait to fish for bass. That surely wouldn't bother my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.