Monday, December 31, 2012

The Typical Reflection With A Crap Selection!

So as I sit here and write this post, ever the tons of posts ahead host, it is the middle of Halloween month to be exact. Yeah, that is a fact. So still two months and a half to go of 2012 I suppose. Unless the Mayans were right and there she blows. Oh and guess what? A post for all 366 days this year from my little rhyming butt. That is grand. So let's get reflective in my land.

2012 Worst Year Ever!
No matter how clever,
And not for the cat,
But for Miss Priss and Pat.

There was some good,
Like plenty of books released in my hood.
Went to the NY show,
But other than that crap just continued to grow.

Miss Priss had issues and a huge bill.
Pat sure had his fill.
From leg to neck,
All was, or maybe still is(I hope not) a wreck.

Plus your throat can click.
That is not a nifty trick.
When the hyoid bone goes.
Every time you swallow you get throat clicking woes.

Pray that never happens to you.
It's aggravating enough to turn you blue.
I still got work,
That is a perk.

At least no gutter,
Is where I have to be with my mutter.
Except for maybe my mind,
But that is typical of my little rhyming behind.

Been to more germy places than I care to admit.
Each one mostly the same dimwitted nitwit.
Say that three times fast,
Now put it in the past.

As I guess forward we go.
Can't live in the pasts glow.
No matter how much it sucks,
And stole your bucks.

There is Pat's whine,
Thankfully I'm a fit as a fiddle feline.
Of course I have issues though,
Like meowing as I go.

We all have one or two.
So don't let the past stick like glue.
Unless of course it is good,
Then stick away at your hood.

How was that old one eye? I had to give whining a try. But that does not change the fact that 2012 was one big shitty act. Who knows what is ahead. Maybe we'll all be dead. Those aliens are up there you know. Let's hope by the time this runs the crap is gone from head to toe. So Happy New Year globland mass. Let's hope it is a better one for all, who needs it to be, and my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Appealing To The Masses Who Sit On Their Wide Asses!

So you humans are you content to sit on your couch and vent at some stupid reality TV? Isn't reality free? Yet you pay for and watch the crap. What is so interesting about that Hulk Hogan chap? Either way, if you like the two bit hack job crap at your bay, what the heck. Feel free to watch such and such plastic faced whack job shuffle a card deck. Maybe he'll get an ace or fall flat on his face. Wow! Entertaining I say. No wonder you watch it on display. You guessed it. Today we go on and appeal to those oh so wise humans out there, with a reality TV fit.

Find a great name.
Some mook of past fame.
Throw in an old flame,
And some new dame.

Add a little yelling,
Forget to check spelling.
Wait! You can spell anyway,
Guess you earn your pay.

Walk the streets,
Singing to your own beats.
That's right!
Mickey Mouse raps are a sight.

Don the suit,
Jig to a flute.
Either way it'll be a hit,
To each and every nitwit.

But let's not make them idle,
We need to tell them a title.
Tons we can create,
Widening their ass at a steady rate.

Swab The Deck,
The pirates will say heck.
Make you walk the plank,
May even rift Frank the Tank.

Storm The CEO.
Just run and step on their toe.
Whoever breaks one first,
Wins and quenches their thirst.

Fast Food Trips.
Let all pass their lips.
All they have to do is survive.
They may not come out alive.

Shop Until You Drop!
This won't be a flop.
Whoever can hold the most crud,
Wins, as the others fall in the mud.

Frame A Nun.
That would be so fun.
Prove they aren't holy,
Then scream holy moly.

Rope Me In.
In order to win,
You have to pull a mate from a cliff.
Get to keep the one who makes you ummm stiff.

Damn, I am good.
Provide entertainment for the lame I should.
Make a quick buck,
But then rolling around in the muck would be yuck.

So the cat will avoid such things and continue to ignore the reality TV crap at his wings. Too bad we are stuck with the crap, that should take a dirt nap. But oh well, at least all will have Egyptian Idol reruns in Hell. Now I'm done appealing to the mass who sit on their ass and have less brains than that singing bass. Oops! I may have just been an offensive little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Bow Wow Will Be Jealous Of The Cow!

The dog gets a little bed,
To rest its little head.
But cows now get water beds on the farm.
I guess it keeps them from harm.

They are surely high class,
As they are being bought in mass.
$100,000 or so,
Is the amount of dropped dough.

For they produce better I guess,
Although wouldn't that leave a mess?
And damn those beds have to be tough.
As those cows sit on them in the buff.

What could be next on the docket?
Massagers that get plugged in a socket?
Maybe many more things.
Like increasing their mood with fluffy wings.

Could make their tail more fluffy.
Could model sheep after Buffy.
Maybe even send them away,
To Hawaii for a stay.

Each year farm animals get a trip.
Could even pierce their lip.
Some humans like that I hear.
They even have them in their rear.

Yeah, Pat seen one that was there.
A while ago at my lair.
But back on task.
What about a new mask?

They could all go to a ball.
And masquerade about in their stall.
Chickens could have wheelchairs,
To get around their lairs.

That way they could lay eggs all day.
And still have fun going about their bay.
Could market that,
And be a rich cat.

So with a simple moo,
You could get a water bed too.
Just pretend you are a cow,
And try not to meow.

Although you might have to sit in a stall,
Bored counting the flowers on the wall.
And produce some milk each day,
That would be quite the display.

So there you go. Now you know that you could think up an easy idea at your show for a farm animal that is near and make life easier on their rear. The poor dog must be so jealous with its little bed. Cats go anywhere they want to rest their head. Also we bury things in the grass. So no water bed is needed for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Too Much, Too Little. Go Pop A Skittle!

Too much of this or too little of that,
Could ruin bliss or make you fat.
Pop a pill and all is grand.
Until the bill then things get bland.

Coffee is good until it's not.
Truth for every hood a whole friggin' lot.
Too much sun and you fry.
Too little and you die.

Too much water you croak.
Too little and your throat's so dry you choke.
Too much fat creates a heart attack.
Too little you feed the cat and he ruins your shack.

Too much and too little.
Makes your touch oh so brittle.
Too much sway when you are out.
Your back gives way and you shout.

Too much junk and you fall over.
Too little gunk and your butt won't get sniffed by rover.
Throw to hard and bye bye arm.
Run too fast across the yard, slip and cause harm.

Too many radio waves screw you too.
Too many saves and death increases at your zoo.
Little by little your chances go,
Should too much or too little flow.

Too much school and you miss out.
Too little you're a fool like a singing trout.
Too much gas and you could crash.
Too little and an old bitty will get a bad rash.

Too little money and you get a box.
Might look funny with holes in your socks.
Too much and hmm is there such a thing?
For such a sight it would be to see the dollars ring.

Too much wishing nothing ever gets done.
Spend some time fishing out in the sun.
Too little trouble and things could bore.
But trouble will double if you become a man whore.

Too much would make you sing a jailbird tune.
So let your dong ding and pretend you're a loon.
Too much you get a rubber room.
Don't touch, too hot and you bring doom.

Balance I suppose is key to all.
Even things like tea could kill you at your hall.
I guess so could a paper cut,
Just as much as some great caper at your hut.

Unless of course you go with the dough.
Then that can grow and surely flow.
Otherwise balance must come due.
Even with lust for you don't want to get thrown in a zoo.

Was that a little too much or too much too little? Did I just make your brain more brittle? I do that every day though with the rhymes that flow. So once more you are welcome for that. Don't worry, it won't be done too much by the cat. Just once a day it comes to pass. For I must always be a little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

It's Round Nine As They Still Bother The Feline!

As we near the end of the year I guess the crazies are still sticking to my little rhyming rear. Not literally though or I would pass some gas and away they would go. It seems nothing can scare them away. Oh well, at least they make for a post here and there at my bay.

"big bird sees ernie and bert getting it on"

And you know this how? Were you told by a small cow? Maybe a medium owl? Or a half and half fowl?

"pics of raccoon humping dog"

You clearly have issues. Just make sure you use tissues. I won't judge your porn. I'm sure some people have a thing for corn.

"how big do rats get"

How am I supposed to know? I just eat them and away I go.

"do bananas make u toot?"

Why are you asking me? You can find out easy. Try one and that will be that. You either toot or not at your mat.

"superhero undies men"

I guess they were looking for Brian. I wonder if they kept tryin?

"heinz spotted dick"

And with a bloody hell, I'll let daydreamertoo take this one at my cell.

"i wish i could walk away from my nasty ass job"

Well you know you could crawl or maybe hop, skip and jump down the hall.

"farting presented in paintings"

People sure have gas today. And why would someone paint that anyway?

"i hear the secrets that you keep when"

When I what? Come on, tell my little rhyming butt? Is it when I swear? Pfft why do I care? I tell all at my sea, nothing is TMI for me.

"rhymes about our face"

Your face if flat,
Your face is round,
You don't look like a cat,
You look like a hound.
At least be happy,
That you aren't sappy,
With a one eye,
That makes me cry.

"dirty rhyme fun under the sun"

Hmmm I probably don't want to know. Keep the germs at your own show. A different dirty you say? Hmmm are you the raccoon dog porn guy back at my bay?

"inapooit words"

Wow, you really have rotten luck. You confused lord google making it think what the umm cluck. But at least you found the cat. You have to be happy with that.

"bad breath germs on teeth cartoon"

The cat can't draw with the paw or claw. So you are out of luck. Maybe go find an artsy duck.

"a.d.d a delicious dick shirt"

That is just soooo wrong. I bet you even made it into a song.

"ugly lady missing teeth"

Clearly someone has teeth issues and are finding me. Even though the cat's teeth are nice and pretty.

"a cat on top of a pumpkin with a cape rhyme"

There was a cat,
Who squashed all flat.
He practiced each day,
On the pumpkins he'd slay.
He'd squash them like a grape,
But never get any on his cape.

"youre so lame rhym"

Ummm I think you proved that yourself. Learn some grammar at your shelf.

"squirrel saying boobies you has them"

Wow, squirrels can talk. I bet they can even draw boobies with chalk.

"boys bouncy balls"

Now here is simply a sicko in every way. I hope they go to jail and get some balls of their own on display.

"chuck norris dog movie"

That would be Top Dog. But we don't want mutts or Chuck Norris at this blog.

And so for the winner of this round. I know, how can you top a raccoon humping a hound? I think this one sure takes the cake. He is rather whiny and may need to drown himself in a lake. Or herself of course it could be. I wouldn't want to discriminate at my sea.

"and then i said i won't shit on the carpet anymore"

So you shit on the carpet in the first place? And you had the nerve to type this into some search engine place? You didn't even tell what wouldn't make you do it anymore. I suppose after typing all of that you had to stop before you started to bore. Now another search engine post has come to pass as the crazies keep on finding my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

It Is Vital We Find A New Title!

So how was your Christmas day? Of course if you celebrate it at your bay. Otherwise, how was your ordinary day? See, I can cater to all at my bay. But this boxing day needs to go. I mean who wants to get rid of boxes at their show? Not me. I like to jump in the boxes at my sea. So don't throw them away. Cassie and I want to play.

Need to change the name,
Of this boxing game.
Forget the ear eating guys.
They have the brains of flies.

So put on your gloves,
Go eat some doves.
And think up a new name,
One that will bring fame.

For that way,
The boxes will stay,
And I can play,
All through the day.

So what can we call it?
We need a sure fire hit.
So go with Weight Day!
Need to loose a little after Christmas anyway.

Stuck Between Christmas and New Years day.
Too wordy of a display?
No Work Day.
That is great at any bay.

Christmas All Over Again Day.
More presents on display.
That would be grand.
All would shout out across the land.

Wait! Then they'd go broke.
Let's forget that poke.
Plus the family would stick around,
And no silence would be found.

Get Rid Of The Relatives Day!
We get to throw them all in the hay.
Then without any remorse,
Watch as they are drug off by a horse.

Now that is a win.
I'll go with that at my bin.
Get rid of all the humans and their yapping.
My ears hurt from their constant flapping.

Besides they will just think,
They are going to the rink,
Still drunk from the night before,
And they won't know they are being dragged from your shore.

So sound like a plan?
I know you are a fan.
Chase all home,
And leave the boxes to roam.

Now isn't that a better name then the one currently hogging all the fame? You have an excuse to kick the relatives in the caboose, sending them away and leaving you in peace and quiet at your bay. One way to give birth to peace on Earth. Now the boxes will stay for Cass and my ever so entertaining little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas From Me, Pat And Cassie!

Did the jolly fat guy find you? He sure found our crew. Now he just won't go away. He even wanted us to board his sleigh. I guess reindeer are too high maintenance for him. He really needs to give that beard a trim.


Cassie posed in her usual way,
All prim and proper with her display.
The cat does not do prim and proper though.
Miss Priss can have that at our show.


It seems Santa liked our elf ways last year.
And began sucking up to my rhyming rear.
He even put me on the nice list.
You know that would make many shake their fist.



See, I told you so.
He even drew me in his book at his show.
That is some desperation indeed.
My services were in need.


But I was not going with any fat jolly old man.
It seems not even a mutt is a fan.
So I broke out the laser eyes.
Now he looks like charcoal as he takes to the skies.

That was my Christmas night.
The cat made Santa take flight.
Hope yours was grand,
And all is merry across your land.

Oh, right.
This is a dVerse night.
I better make things diverse.
I wouldn't want Mr. Linky to curse.


That diverse enough for you?
The zebra thong is on display once more at our zoo.
It was a gift after all,
Last year at our hall.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

And that is all for today. Last year I expected few at my bay and many came. Should be interesting to see if this years Globland Christmas is tame. Now I need to go eat things that give me gas. So off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Bah Humbug I Say Today At My Bay!

So on this day before Christmas day. That can be confusing to say. Something like the day before the day before Christmas day. I could go on forever with that at my bay. But I will refrain from hurting your head for Scrooge has come to cause dread. He wanted to have his say and it was so fun I will let him today.

Scrooged Holidays

I have kept a count of all the cheer,
That is said to come this time of year.

Jingle Bells, cooking smells,
Cardboard little wishing wells.
Lights to mock the Vegas strip,
Brats on Santa's ancient hip.

Mounted heads in the sky,
Working for some fat guy.
Natures needles on the floor,
All decked out on the door.

Animals moving in a flock.
Clerks moving final stock.
Relative love being spread,
No, Aunt Millie is not dead.

Plastic boobs promoting sales,
Everything from food to nails.
Howling dogs at the porch,
Singing songs one should torch.

Bows that shine with a glow.
If you have surpassed Velcro.
Paper wrapped all nice and neat.
Even a Merry Christmas tweet.

Balls of snow rolled and stacked,
Avoid yellow in the digestive tract.
Carrots simply laid to waste.
While puny brains turn to paste.

Holy wallets, plastic nights,
Bills reaching new heights.
Mistletoe with the office horse,
Bringing grounds for divorce.

Whiny babies, picture snaps,
Concerts bringing fake claps.
Snow balls are a thumping,
Blue need early holiday humping.

Stockings traps above the fire,
Elves wishing they were higher.
Cookies and milk treaties,
Easily promoting diabetes.

I am sure much I missed,
That will make next year's list.
So to you I raise my mug,
And to this holiday cheer, bah humbug.

Wow such a cynical old man. Of his rhyming I am a fan. But not his no holiday cheer. I think he needs to get drunk off beer. Or you know those spirits must come to make him no longer glum. But if a ghost comes near me with his moaning sass. I'll just blow it away with some gas from my merry little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Habit At Play Is What I Say!

The cat has to admit one thing today at his wing. It may be tough to hear from my little rhyming rear. But I guess I will have to give it a go because all deserve to know. Half the time at my bay when I give my say, sadly I don't do it, no matter what I wrote with my rhyming fit.

That three headed cow,
With one big uni brow.
Is so funny I bet,
An LOL has to be given from this pet.

People of Walmart,
Show flab as they push their cart.
Scary in every way,
But I'll LOL with my display.

Zombie Foot is back once more.
Going to scare all at my shore.
I'll LOL twice at least,
For that is one scary footed beast.

A mutt sniffs a butt,
Been there so many times at my hut.
LOL is just a staple,
Maybe humans smell like maple?

That dude fell from a tree,
She got stung by a bee.
He had his foot ran over by a tire,
She set her hair on fire.

All kinds of LOL's there.
Of course to be fair,
Depends on who it was I suppose,
Be funny if it was zombie toes.

Caught on camera doing an act,
That the crazies it would attract.
That is so LOL to me,
I'll say it fifty times at my sea.

Scary hair pictures galore,
A love bug sore.
Fleas on knees,
Heart shaped trees.

Lingering eye sores,
Humpity humping boars.
Scary sights of love,
Shit sickles from above.

All good LOL times,
Even those dumb mimes.
An LOL will come,
From my little rhyming bum.

But sadly it is only typed up.
Hope that did not make you spill your cup.
The cat does not always laugh out loud.
I just felt I had to pull back that shroud.

Then again if numb tongues come along,
Or one eye's try to sing a song,
Or drunk Irish people send cat kids out an elephants rear,
Those are all real LOL's I fear.

Don't even get me started on the haha's the cat leaves each time. I guess to type it feels right for my chime. A habit is all they are at least half the time at my bar. I know many others do it too when instead of LOL a smile came due. Or some spit coffee on their screen. That is just obscene. Then again maybe LOL could stand for Lick Only Love, the viking woman floats like a dove then the cat gives her a good lick. That type of LOL may be sick. I'll still LOL in mass because it is such a habit from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Do You Know All Below?

So the cat is still in the holiday mode. If you don't like it, go find a rhyming toad. I suppose he would be a fun bloke until he decided to croak. Then nothing would be said. Better off avoiding such dread. Now away wie go with some facts that all might not know.

In that twelve days song,
You can do no wrong.
Get all the presents from it,
And 364 presents your stats would hit.

Jingle Bells is so great.
Christmas had to be its fate.
Nope, wrong once more.
It was actually written for Thanksgiving's shore.

More than 3 billion greeting cards are sent,
Making the mailman get bent,
In the US alone.
Be cheaper to leave a message at the tone.

The average household will mail out,
On average 28 Christmas card shouts.
I guess with that stat,
The cat falls flat.

A wreath on the door,
Means welcome to ones shore.
Also it wishes you a long life.
Sucks if Santa stole your wife.

Supposedly 7 out of 10,
Of those mutts at each den,
Also get a gift each year.
Pfft 10 out of 10 cats get them I hear.

56% of you guys down below,
Meaning at the US show,
Sing carols to your pets.
I hope you give them earplugs in sets.

Visa cards down below,
My meaning by now you know.
Are used 5,340 times a minute during the season.
Wow, those bills can't be pleasin.

1.76 billion candy canes will be made.
If I get one I'm willing to trade.
A dollar a stick.
I promise it will only have one lick.

In early England they say,
The traditional dinner on display,
Was a the head of a pig,
With mustard for a wig.

Alabama and their backward ways,
Back in 1836 in some sort of daze,
Probably thinking they were in a stage play.
Became the first state to declare Christmas a holiday

And finally the jolly old fat guy,
Must really know how to fly.
He has to visit 842,000,000 houses in one night.
Hopefully Rudolph and Dancer don't fight.

Or he may be late.
That would be an awful fate.
841,999,999 would just look so wrong.
Maybe he'll just skip King Kong.

There are all the facts for this year from my little rhyming rear. Now you know plenty more useless things thanks to my wings. You can also pretend to be smart and maybe get on the people of Walmart. That would show such class. I would at least pretend to be a jealous little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, December 21, 2012

The Big Day When Boom Goes Your Bay!

Stocked up at your sea? I have some extra toilet paper just in case the world does flee. I mean you have to hedge your bets, right? But is this day a fright? Yeah, it is about as scary as a toad on the road, a nun on the run, a man with a plan, a dick whacking stick and you get the picture from there. Although that last one would be scary anywhere.

So the world is toast,
That is what some boast.
But it's all be said,
By people long past dead.

Oh no!
The world's gonna blow.
Shiver me timbers and all that fluff.
Things are about to get rough.

Oops, we are still here.
The end isn't near.
Oh such and such says this,
So that is why the end was amiss.

What a crock of shit.
Is all I can say about it.
Planet whatever is one big joke.
Plus we are the ones that are going to croak.

The world will be here long after we're gone.
Humans and their egos are what's the con.
No big grand day,
Is going to smite us and make us pay.

People need to get that through their damn head.
And stop being force fed,
All this trash,
About planets, black holes and the world ending bash.

It is NOT going to happen all at once.
Anyone to think so is a dunce.
One magic day,
Poof, the world will just go away.

Right! You nitwit.
Keep screaming your dumb fit.
What is going to screw us, is us.
Unless you're lucky and get hit by a bus.

Global warming or some actual known crap,
Is what will make us take a nap.
But the world will still be around,
And no one magic day will be found.

Religious nuts can claim their crap,
Mayan studying nitwits can circle the map.
The Internet can make up something,
Even uncle Sasquatch can give it a ring.

Doesn't mean a damn thing at all.
Ooh there is strange writing on the wall.
Just means some cavemen was bored while taking a dump.
He probably even used the "you know" before it could clump.

So you just touched crap on a wall,
As you gave your world ending call.
How did it feel?
Shocking how such nimrods ever invented the wheel.

That is that from the cat. Tomorrow there will be no change for you, the cat or Pat. Except that of the norm and true to form. Which means we will all be more old and death will be closer to taking hold. But forget that cheery thought for on the 22nd these idiots and their world ending crap can finally go rot. Oh wait. They got the wrong date. It will now be December 24, 2134 when it comes to pass. At least I will be a dead little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The Howl Returns Bringing Forth Ear Burns!

The cat was sitting about as with any other day and then came a shrieking shout. I could not stand the thing. I stood like a meerkat once more at my wing. Even Cassie came running to my side. Both of us thought some poor animal was taking a death ride.

Oh holy night,
God, save us from this plight.
My ears are feeling a sting,
And a constant ring.

12 days last 12 minutes too long.
Hiring these people was just wrong.
How can you bring in,
Another crew that brings forth sin.

If Santa Claus is coming to town.
I'm sure he will frown,
Then fly the hell away,
Dropping coal on your head on his way.

That would work for me.
Shutting you up and causing glee.
Scrooge would even throw money at you,
Just to give you some sort of clue.

That you are just that bad.
That squealing would drive anyone mad.
If you could just jingle bells,
From some rubber room cells,

I would be oh so glad.
But if that would make you sad.
Take the O'Christmas Tree,
And smash it over the head of thee.

Save one and all the trouble,
Bury yourself in Christmas rubble.
Mommy might kiss Santa Claus,
But if she heard you she'd surely pause.

And whack you with a broom,
From bringing forth such ear doom.
I will get a pringle can,
Fling it and show you I'm no fan.

Those jingle bells will surely rock.
Your voice gives off a shock.
They will probably even rust,
Before they bust.

I really need those ear plugs,
Or some thick rugs.
I need to hide away,
From such a screeching display.

So that was the cat's night enjoying an ear plight. I can't believe two years in a row I had to listen to such a show. Pat really needs to move us away from here. For those voices strike fear. So glad when it came to pass as they just gave tons of gas to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Add To Your Note A Jolly Old Quote!

So sending a letter to the fat guy? I guess at least he has a second eye. Unlike some folks around here. But she won't be named by my little rhyming rear. Maybe they are both the same age? I'm sure that would be all the rage. Now the cat will get back to the task and what is that you ask? It is simply to rift on a Christmas quote, as I go about the rhyming at my zoo for all to view.

Christmas is like any day,
At your work bay.
You do all the work,
And the credit is taken by the fat jerk.

If you believe men and women are equal in every way.
Then go to your nearest present display.
Whose are wrapped better I ask?
Men look like they did them after emptying a flask.

If you are afraid of the fat guy,
Then it is no lie.
You are a claustrophobic case.
Better carry some mace.

Santa sure has the right plan,
One which the cat is a fan,
At least for most.
Only visit them once a year at their coast.

Christmas is a time when old is new,
Or no one can get a clue.
As Charlie Brown is shown for the 100th time.
He must haul in quite the dime.

Santa only has to work once a year,
Sitting the rest of it on his rear.
Because Rudolph and Frosty bring in the dough,
Each year from their Christmas in July show.

Elf's love music as they work.
But what makes them smirk?
Wrap music of course.
That was so bad it came from a horse.

When Santa comes around.
Makes sure he isn't a hound.
He may state "toys the run on batteries are his best."
But if you're hard up put it to the test.

So he sees you when your sleeping?
With his lurking and creeping.
What a perverted dude,
Watching the cat sleep in the nude.

Elves like to flirt.
That is why Mrs. Claus never wears a skirt.
For from once simple bump,
She gets the head and no hump.

Yeah, the cat quoted here and there and then just made some up at his lair. The horse did the wrap one. That one was so lame, but still had to be done. At least no one passed some Christmas gas, except for maybe my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

A Week Before At The dVerse Shore!

Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the land
Not a blogger was stopping, not even the dVerse band.
Mr. Linky was filled above the bar with flair,
Shouting out the hopes of bloggers everywhere.

The poets were out with their usual tone,
Each glad to know they were not alone.
The cat cleaned the litterbox and Pat the floor.
Before giving a knock on the dVerse door.

When in the back alley there came a call,
That sent us flying as it bounced from wall to wall.
I peeked around the corner and loose trash,
Trying not to blink a single eyelash.

The moon's glow showing nothing but dough.
It seemed someone was robbing the dVerse show.
But before my glaring eyes a figure appeared.
It was worse than I had initially feared.

With a flexible midget, all hands and mouth.
It was clear this Christmas things were going south.
More rapid than rivers his cries came,
And he questioned and answered like that millionaire game.

"First, Licker! Then, Sucker! Then, Explosion and Spitter!
Show on Facebook! On Pinterest! On YouTube and Twitter.
A bit below the ribs! A bit below the belt!
Pop a mint! a mint! Sorry for the welt!"

As versatile and limber as that of lore.
It was clear jolly old Santa was a bit of a whore.
Up his pants went with all lickity split
His bag full of toys had some freaky shit.

And then, in a flash, I saw the elf.
Her sight gave me some timber myself.
As I shifted my head to an abstract view.
It was clear these two were not through.

He was dressed all in spandex from his head to toe.
Nothing was left to imagine from his glow.
A bundle of toys he had ready to show.
Lubrication and umm things in a big red bow.

His eyes how they winked! His nipples how perky.
His cheeks were like the snow, his belly like a turkey.
Her short little stature was packaged all neat.
It was clear she had tossed many a meat.

Some famous pills he held in his hand,
And you could tell they were his own special brand.
She had a plump bum and a round little face,
That shook other assets with each smiling embrace.

He was long and boring, seeming quite run of the mill.
I was surprised that each could give the other a thrill.
He spoke in a dialect that was unknown to I.
Poking and prodding, who was this guy?

With one final push there came a sly smirk.
It was clear he was very good at his work.
She followed him with a whistle and cheery wave.
It was clear she too liked what he gave.

The money was gathered before I could act.
In there somewhere I noticed a contract.
It was signed and legible to my eagle eyes.
And all I have left is a word to the wise.

Should two such creatures come into your view.
With jiggling racks and ding dongs so blue.
A rather good stabbing is about to come due.
With a contract that states between me and you,

You wave all legalities and accept what I do.
I hope you have a very special merry Christmas too!

So beware when you visit dVerse, you may see something rather perverse. But what it is I guess all can claim to make up their own notion as I just played the rhyming game. Yeah, I got a little bit dirty I may admit. But it was such fun to do it. Plus even snip snip the cat liked that lass. dVerse gave a thrill to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Monday, December 17, 2012

It Is All In The Wrap You Silly Sap!

You know the cat has to give giftts too to people at our zoo. But Cassie and I won't let what you humans give fly. I mean little hearts and trees. All the cat can say is, please! Grow some back bone and really set the Christmas tone. It is all in the wrap which we have plenty of such paper on tap.


We're No Angels indeed.
Just look at them satisfy their need.
Getting quite busy,
Heaven must be in a tizzy.

Horny Santa is on the chase.
He can sure move at a steady pace.
He sure seems jolly,
Guess his bells ring for Holly.

If you just want to be mean about it.
Then this will be a hit
Add a lump of coal,
And mail it to the north pole.

Not sure how appetizing this one is.
But I suppose some go for such biz.
Enough of the dong,
That sounds so wrong.

It's a full moon tonight.
Butts of every height.
Ready to heed the call.
Plaster this one across your wall.

The conga line is grand.
Just look at Santa's hand
Or other aspects too.
You dirty pervert, you.

Santa sure has style.
I wonder if he joined that club about the mile?
Either way,
They sure are having a merry day.

Santa is kinky too.
That I never knew.
With one crack of this whip,
No Dasher or Dancer will come from his lip.

For those up close and personal times.
When you want to scare even mimes.
Shove your gift in a bag,
And watch Santa's ass sag.

Then do the locomotion.
And make a commotion
Or would that be disco?
Santa sure shows more than his toe.

Now can you imagine those gifts under the tree? All will stop and surely see. Although you may have to cover the kiddies eyes. But they won't be wise. For they will be too busy with their toys while the wrapping paper can give you joys. Such paper does come to pass for all the get a gift from Cass and my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Set The Sails With The Details!

So dVerse is going all details today over at their bay. They want us to look around and gawk at the ground. But then Brian had to go and mention that 3D crap. Someone needs to take that and shove it up their gap. We won't go there today at my lair. Hmm or maybe we will. Sorry, if I make you feel ill.

Looking all around
I find much on the ground.
As away the humans walk,
So the cat will give a gawk.

Blue shoes made of stuff,
That one has to fluff.
Boots that are ugly as can be,
But then who is asking me?

Oh look a coffee cup,
With the rim rolled up.
I guess they did not win,
That is truly a sin.

A lotto ticket passes,
Played by the masses.
Such litter bugs,
Them and the lottery thugs.

The air up there,
Is rather rare.
It contains a crane,
Yeah, I just went down a movie lane.

But that guy with the hammer,
Sure doesn't have a stammer.
The height at which he works,
Would not give me smirks.

Some market today,
As it is ever other non week day.
Come in and find much,
Like food and such.

Smoke hangs about,
As the but butts out.
Flicked across the sidewalk,
As two loons continue to talk.

A hair fixer and a nail chewer,
Went into a brewer.
One had a yellow shirt,
The other quite the flirt.

Just look at that pink purse,
She even likes to curse.
Guess they are working off those buns,
Or their smokers cough runs.

Oh look at this,
Something you shouldn't miss.
It's an old paper with news,
The black creates blues.

Hmm that is a good line,
Must be remembered by the feline.
As with all the surrounds us,
22 steps from home to the bus.
Was that not fun? No glasses even needed to be spun. Although pfft to such crap. 3D is just another money trap. Oh looky at the pretty thing off the screen. Whoopdi Friggin Doo it's a dancing jelly bean. Such stupid things that come to pass that will never get money to see 3D garbage out of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Some Evil Ploy That Brings No Joy!

You can't do it. So don't judge one bit. You are more inclined to go about your rat race or stuff your fat face. Oh a double rhyme there. Damn, I'm good at my lair. But what am I going on about? I guess I'll just have to give it a shout.

Left to right it goes.
Depending on how the wind blows.
Or would that be arm?
Either way, keep it out of harm.

For it must remain high.
Otherwise it will be scratched on the first try.
Once it catches my eye.
I have to make the thing die.

Why do you torture me?
Just let the damn thing be.
Be so much easier to gulp down.
If you didn't keep moving it across town.

Making me run down the hall,
Bouncing my head like a ball.
But I will not give up.
Like some easily distracted butt sniffing pup.

I will catch you and that thing.
No matter where you let it fling.
Up and down and all around.
I'll tackle it without making a sound.

If your leg or arm should get in the way.
You won't have a very nice day.
Maybe a scar to show off though.
If you like that sort of thing at your show.

You're the dumb one,
That made me run.
If only you'd given it to me.
I would have left you be.

But oh know.
You had to make it go.
Just couldn't let me eat it.
So shut up and take the hit.

Let the blood flow.
And just know.
I always win.
So next time just drop it next to my food bin.

Don't make me chase the damn fuzzy ball.
Bouncing it on a string up and down the hall.
I already know I can jump through the air.
A fact you are also aware.

So just give me the damn thing.
I like to eat string.
I promise to chew,
Not letting anything bad come due.

Drop, stop and go away.
Let me play.
I don't need a dirty human to help.
Oops, I scratched you, go give a good yelp.

Why you humans make us chase fuzzy balls or mice on a string. Yeah, I know fuzzy balls sounds like some gutter thing. But why you make us chase them is beyond me. Then you sit and laugh at what you see. Or get all glum because I scratched your bum. Too bad there lad and lass. You've just been taught not to mess with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Friday, December 14, 2012

What Do I See As I Scroll With Glee?

So the cat had an idea so bright I had to bring it to light. Or at least it gave me a chance to go all incorporate many more once again at my hall. Should be fun to spin it today. Also this was from a way back display. For remember I am 90 ahead. So some might forget what they said.

Homemade Salsa is on display.
Could cure plenty a hunger at ones bay.
Total Recall 2012 gets its review day.
Just another damn rehash I say.

The Other Blog gets a mention.
I hope the current one isn't in detention.
What Color Is That Bear garners some attention.
I hope it didn't cause any tension.

Pepper can be spicy.
And it isn't very pricey.
X-factor, Support and Attention can be dicey.
The firsts mention is just icy.

The story of a lost/stolen phone and craiglist.
Surely will make one shake their fist.
Follow (y)our leader might bruise your wrist.
Add that to the blame game list.

Video game candy.
Is just dandy.
Breakfast is surely handy,
Unless it tastes rather sandy.

A Many Splendored Thing,
Go ahead and give it a sing.
Let Us Pray,
All have a very nice day.

Oldest Park,
Where the dogs like to bark.
New Marvel Heroes Trailer hits the mark.
Look at those superheroes snark.

Just An Observation of Eastwood.
Older than the dirt in any hood.
Fall is all around.
So says the leaves on the ground.

I Should Have Kissed You.
Keep your slobber for to the cat it's eww.
Autumn chills are coming due.
Hate the snow but that you knew.

Hey!
Wow you sure had your say.
Gifted Eyeballs on display.
Maybe they are made of clay?

Ad Infinitum is on deck.
Guess one wants a little cheek peck.
Not quite autumn might make some a wreck.
As the heat lingers more than a speck.

Weekend Wisecrack,
Goes on the behind attack.
September Again at our shack.
The heat is now slack.

And so it goes,
That I write whatever shows.
During the day,
Of my blogroll display.

Sadly some I missed though,
As they do not show.
For blogger doesn't seem to like,
And tells them to take a hike.

The cat can do all here at his hall. Stealing titles from all of you err umm I mean borrowing them at my zoo. Bah it is more fun to steal. But I'll never admit that was the real deal. So thanks to you the blogroll rhyme has come to pass from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Stuck On Your Gift? Your Spirits Will Lift!

So the cat is here to help you all, like he always does at his stall. I mean your eyes got good and clear when the zombie feet came near. That has to help some. Now I will make sure your Christmas is not glum. For with these presents you can do no wrong. I bet your receiver will even sing a song.


Give them a chain saw.
It has no flaw.
They can scare away all in view.
Like those carolers that bother you.


Their own personal slave?
This isn't really a fave.
But some might like it I suppose.
Both of them curl my toes.


They will thank you for this.
It surely can't miss.
Some second hand smoke,
Making them choke.


If they are hard up.
Forget that coffee cup.
Give them a genetically modified lass.
One with a tiny green mass.


You could always give them a postman.
Many might be a fan.
They could get their mail fast.
Plus going postal is quite the blast.


Give them a huge thrill.
Increase their electric bill.
That will make them suck back the liquor.
Don't forget to put them on a clicker.


A parking ticket is great too.
It is surely something new.
A gift that makes them pay.
They will thank you one day.


Umm well if you want to scare.
Give them such an evil stare.
Don't forget the ho ho ho,
And to give off that Santa glow.


Why not just make them fat?
Then next year you can give them a gym mat.
See forward thinking works.
Twinkies sure do have their perks.


This awesome ski mask,
Will sure do the task.
Then next year no present will have to be bought.
For in jail they will rot.

Now you can't say you can't find a gift. The cat has filled the rift. You will all have an idea now thanks to my little meow. So buy away and spread the cheer at your bay. Maybe throw in some laughing gas and you will surely be thanking my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

For This Run It's Dumb Criminal 101!

The cat was searching through a site because he was bored one night, Canada's version of craiglist, nothing to do with the umm wrist. The cat is snip snip anyway. So into the gutter your mind needs not to stray. Now he saw an ad there that really proves criminals are dumber than a holy sock pair.

First there was the wanted,
Which the ad taunted.
Then there was the robbers.
Guess they needed some good jobbers?

That is right,
There in the cat's sight.
"Wanted Robbers" for all to view.
I thought it was a spelling error to.

Could have wanted rubbers,
For some wild hot tubers.
Could have wanted rodders too.
As they wanted a hot rodding crew.

Maybe jobbers were what they were seeking.
For a little tongue and cheeking.
Or coppers which is a stretch.
But they could have wanted those coin things to play fetch.

So I clicked on through,
And there in my view,
Was an ad saying how they wanted to be the Gotham crew,
And pull off things that would turn people blue.

Or at least put the world back in its place.
They even had that Bane mask face.
So they are going to commit crime,
And let all know including a mime.

That is the best idea ever.
Boy, criminals are so clever.
What next will they try?
Putting up a big billboard in the sky?

I guess it makes the cops job easier to do.
That is a plus for me and you.
Might fill the jail though,
With this big fail of a show.

Of course was probably a gag,
Some idiot type of tag.
Trying to suck people in,
To some pyramid scheme or something at their bin.

Still a moron is a moron I suppose,
Which ever way the wind blows.
So grab a good strong water hose,
And blow away such annoying crows.

The cat just had to give it a go after seeing such a show. Maybe they will wrap all in a big bow and sing some Christmas type flow. In their swanky new cell or nice warm spot in Hell. But if they trespass at my sea they will get a pringle can to the face and knee. Then I will pass some gas and scare them away with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Crapulous Of Rhyme On dVerse's Dime!

NEWS FLASH Make another dash, interviewed once more, HERE at the dVerse shore!

The cat will throw so many words at you that you will think they are untrue. But none are made up by me. It is so fun to confuse and it causes me glee. Don't blame the cat. It is dVerse that brought the weirdo words to my mat.

Searching high and low,
I found cerumen can glow.
Nasty as can be, I know.
They doddle and let that grow.

Eructation can be so rude.
And sound rather crude.
But a footle you,
Really has no clue.

That liripipe is quite the sight.
I mean it causes a fright.
Glad no monomania exists here.
The cat will kick anything into gear.

I don't want to see that oxter of yours.
Save it for Walmart stores.
If you pilpul me,
I may nail you to a tree.

Wow, that is sure a puckeroo.
You may need some super glue.
Spanghew-ing can be fun.
The cat has to give that a run.

Are you miffed?
Why don't you go get squiffed?
That would be so twee.
But not really to me.

Ululate sure applies to old one eye.
She can let the whining fly.
Whinge applies too.
Wow, that is two that came due.

Thankfully no meldrop in sight.
That would force one into the dark of night.
I have such an izzat ass.
It rhymes and provides much sass.

Did you stub your hallux today?
That would cause a swear to display.
Beats a gormless foe,
With the brians of a crow.

What is that frowzy smell?
Brian, did you ring such a bell?
Sure can't say it is floccinaucinihilipilification one bit.
Say that three times fast and you'll be a hit.

So before I draggle myself,
Across the sand at my shelf.
I will just say hold the bumf please.
I'd rather leave that up to the breeze.

Now was that not fun? Have you learned a new word under your sun? Or has your head exploded yet? Do not curse this pet. I was just trying to help you out some. Remember the holidays are near so don't be glum. Eat, be merry and pass gas. That should be coined by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Monday, December 10, 2012

The Goon Squad Clackity Clack Over A Sack!

Another News Flash For Pat Is Interviewed HERE At Another Dash!

The cat was out and about, hating this cold and trying not to pout. Actually I suppose as long as you cover up your toes, it isn't so bad. Plus we got plenty of heat at our crap hole of a pad. Anyway, once more I saw those two idiots on display. Gung and Ho were walking to and fro with a big red sack. Beware, their rhymes really rather lack.

"Gung, how does it all fit? He must be strong to lift it."

"We are rhyming once more. Ho, that cat must be around us once more."

"I don't think it counts if you rhyme the same word. Maybe he gets help from Big Bird?"

Those two idiots just tugged at this red sack and it sure caused them flack. They kept going down the road each holding it trying to break Santa's code. Then the two loons starting picking up everything in sight and chucking it in, obviously the bag was not light.

"Gung, are you really going to do that? You should know that yellow snow was from the cat."

"Don't be so silly, Ho. It was simply from a banana that didn't grow."

"Let's try this rock too. Now this will sure prove how it is true."

"Ho, that is a great idea my friend. Santa's tricks will come to an end."

The pair dumped out the crap they threw into it, leaving a big pile of well shit. I think I even saw a rusty bike. At least they were getting exercise from their hike. The pair then widened the bag as far as they could and proved they were crazier than Little Red Riding Hood.

"I know we have it. We just need to give it a good hit."

"Let's go, Ho. Give it one more tug and watch your toe."

"Gung, we could get rich. We could steal umm borrow all kinds and sell them once we figure out this glitch."

"Santa will never be able to fool the world again and it is all thanks to these two men."

"Because Gung is hung and Ho has the flow."

A look of disgust came across their face, as out came some dude from the rat race. The work day was through and he was ready to go home, catching them in his view. He shouted rather rude things at them and even spit some flem.

"Ho, I think it is time to go."

"Gung, our Santa bell has officially sung."

They left the bag covering half a car and I swear they must have hit some bar. The pair actually thought they could shrink a car into a bag. They finally gave up and waved the white flag. Not before they smashed the guy's window though and I watched as he drove after Gung and Ho. Maybe Gung was squashed like dung and Ho was crushed and eaten by a crow? I know I will once more see their mass for I am not that lucky of a little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

I Am Here With My Rear!

So dVerse wants us to go all first person today. I suppose the cat could do that at his bay. I mean I can do it any other day. Of course not if Drazin comes with his third person display. That would just ruin everything here at my wing. Not that the godly mook does not do that steady. Okay, the cat is now ready.

I had strayed too far from familiar sights.
Her aroma had enticed me from the lights.
It sung like a mist clouding my view.
I had few senses that still had a clue.

I was ablaze as if crumbling into the sun.
My sweat relinquishing, hydration undone.
My body tingled saturated in simplicity.
My higher functions unrecognized duplicity.

I can still recall the night's bitter cold.
My hand's numbness growing as she took hold.
I had a compulsion I could not control.
I felt the chilling breeze try to freeze my stroll.

I knew nature was fast forwarding to spring.
I could feel the sinking earth beneath me sting.
My shoes became withered which each weighted step.
I could not find any prints as she continued to prep.

I felt a mist dribble down my cheek.
My body was collapsing to a state of weak.
I found shriveled skin upon my brow.
My sight clouded as if stuck behind a snow plough.

I grew stale on my previous blazing learning.
My insides were flipping burgers and churning.
I became anxious for those familiar sights.
I yearned for the tone I envisioned past nights.

I found thoughts ravaging through my mind.
My deepest regret was the family I would leave behind.
I sought some reversal to this distinct form.
My combined life's wishes only seeking the norm.

I blamed the most inanimate objects I could muster.
My inside murmur repeating, I was the one to trust her.
I had dreamed of my final sight with increasing age.
My wildest dreams not coming up with such rage.

I felt the piercing sting of her tune to my ear.
My brain once again telling me I had nothing to fear.
I found all I wanted was for it to be through.
My leg lifted, dangling upon the edge believing it to be true.

I froze inside to match my outer being.
I hoped my clouded sight was distorting what I was seeing.
My disgust would have been apparent had it been allowed.
I was slapped with her white hair as she smiled quite proud.

I remember those glowing eyes staring down at me.
I felt them sting my soul for what seemed like an eternity.
My body then sunk beneath a crashing tide.
I can honestly say my only regret was taking that ride.

There was my tale that I gave a wail. It is what popped in my head, so it is what I said. Now I must go roll in the grass pass some smelly gas, pick on that Cass lass and as always, shake my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

The Flip Flop Doesn't Stop!

It seems the cat has been afflicted by a germ that he must have got from playing with that worm. I ate the poor thing too. At least some good fiber came due. Anyway, things seems to be going all flip flop at my bay. I feel it coming back. I guess I'll have to work through it at my shack.

Typical to the things you saw,
Was the first reaction on tap.
Pat hates when I chew his toe raw.
War should never again take a lap.

Pal are you reading that rat?
Tar can cause you to murmur.
Rum rum is sure tit for tat.
Tat tells a story firmer.

Remrif sounds like a musical rift.
Tfir makes me think of trees
Seert sets their eyes adrift.
Trif da sports a cool breeze.

Ezeerb makes you know I'm a cheat?
Taehc makes no sense to me.
Em is sort for a name beat.
Taeb a weird dance at ones sea?

Aes sounds like I sorta swore.
Erows is where you sit for a flick.
Kcilf is such a bore.
Erob is such a dick.

Kcid isn't such a bad lad.
Dal can make you smart.
Trams sounds rather bad.
Dab in crowds when you must fart.

Traf is some sort of turtle.
Elt rut is one you want to avoid.
Diova can make one fertile.
Elitref is a side affect making you paranoid.

Diona rap is something to cheer.
Ree hc made a lot of loot.
Tool is another that shifts into gear.
Reag is culture that eats tree root.

Toor the great outdoors today!
Yadot may even appear.
Raeppa might be on display.
Yalp sid also likes to peer.

Reep what you sow almost works.
Skrow is a video game destination.
Noit an it sed explains all the perks.
Skrep is what you get from my word castration.

Noit art sac on the lists.
Stsil may make you ill.
Lli makes you raise your fists.
Sts if you want a big bill.

Llib stands for what is wrong.
Gnorw is a very foreign deer.
Reed sings his hero song.
Gnos just cured my little rhyming rear.

I think I'm all flip flopped out after this little shout. Thankfully no more forwards and back. That's enough to give one a heart attack. Or at least a good eye roll as they come for a stroll. So now you know eating worms causes more than gas thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Friday, December 7, 2012

What's In A Name? Could It Bring Fame?

So a while back over at Brian's shack the cat saw Turdbusters on a pic he used. Oh how that could be abused. But the cat won't go there. In any case that company has never been seen or heard of at my place. But with a name like that, they must surely get remembered when the plumbing gets backed up at your mat. Let's see what the cat can do with naming things at his zoo.

Call Home Annihilation today.
We'll sell your home right away.
It will be like it's not even there.
While you search for a new lair.

Give Blazing Potatoes a call.
We'll drive you right up the wall.
For as you chew,
I bet a pepper thought will come due.

It's time you called up Stretchy Clotheslines.
Whether man, woman, kid or felines.
No longer will grass stains be hard,
For your whole shirt will be green as it stretches down to the yard.

Tramping Stamps is in full swing.
We'll shine up your bling.
Maybe even a hump,
If you check out our tattooed rump.

Coming To is here to serve you.
We know you have no clue.
So put those zombie days behind you.
All it takes is a kick from our kangaroo.

Globland is here to serve,
Warning we might throw you for a swerve.
Making some banned for no reason,
Or some word verification treason.

Quacking Crackers is your food of choice.
Just chow down and rejoice.
Now you to can waddle like a duck,
As your thighs grow wide as a truck.

Rockhangers will be right to you.
Hanging rocks all over your zoo.
You will take them to heart,
When you're surrounded by stone aged art.

Trouble in Paradise,
Will rid you of lice.
Even some mice,
Buy both packages and get a free pizza slice.

Dragon Discounts will fly your way,
Burn down all others on display.
Making you a sweet deal.
It's so sweet it's unreal.

Remember for each one,
If you give them a run.
Some conditions may apply,
They could suck you dry.

Maybe poke you in the eye,
Fail every single try,
Hammer your poor thumb.
Or sadly, they just won't come.

Doesn't each name just burst with such fame? I bet one could make a ton just by giving them a run. Just kick back a royalty to the cat and maybe a bit to Pat. I suppose I could just be full of gas which is usually the case with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Glitch Of A Witch Part Ten. Still Not Home To Our Den!

A look of dread came across Anne's face. For she did not want old one eye to go to that heavenly place. Do you think they let cyclops in there? Yeah, as no favorites are played at such a lair. Then friggin Anne jumped out without a plan, bringing forth a Betsy scream sending her zombified team at us in one big stream.

"Damn Irish. Even the fleabag has more sense than her. Why does Drazin bother?"

"Annnnnneeeee, save me!"

Anne struggled to break through and yelled some nasty words too vile to tell you. Betsy gave her half human, half zombie smile. And then old one eyes shriek could be heard for a mile. For the board beneath her let loose and she hung like a one eyed blue goose.

"Now your turn.
This time you all burn."

They gagged Anne on sight as she continued to fight. Pat turned into some pacifist guy. Of all the times for his mind to give that a try. Miss Priss and I scurried about, avoiding the likes of Brian and Glory Dear as they gave their moaning zombie shout. We knew we had to snap them from Betsy's spell but things were going completely to hell.

We were caught by the tail and Drazin let his name set sail. But that was all he could do, as a horde of zombies pinned him and Pat to the ground like glue.

"Open the fire.
Send them to the deep fryer.
Take this thing too.
She is way too blue."

Once more we were nothing more than bait heading toward a fiery fate. Until out of nowhere came some godly type of neigh. It seems Thinkingcap was not having a very good day. She came barreling through the horde, wrapping them in a magical lasso cord. Of course she got us too, we really had no luck at this candy land zoo.

"My powers will grow,
As I line them in a row.
They will go in the mirror.
Your complexion could be clearer."

"Don't talk to me.
I'll squash you like a flea.
Or maybe the ass you are,
Leaving you nothing more than tar.

Hmm I could use the phrase cat fight. But that probably would not be right. For one was half human half horse and the other half zombie with no remorse. That really brought out Betsy's mean streak. Either way we were up shit creek.

"Maybe they'll kill each other."

"Can't we all just have some peace and love."

"Drazin is going to.."

"Calm down and feel the vibe."

"Drazin is going to squash your human, Fleabags."

"Now what?"

The ceiling began to show a crack. Betsy's cave was clearly under attack. The roof began to pull away like someone was shoveling it into another bay. Then came a sight that made us sick. Godzilla Worqueendan was towering above us and well we could see his umm dick. I guess the he/she is gone. Then of course he began eating the removed candy land lawn. He began to speak too, spitting all over us which was just eww.

"There you are ass.
It is time for you to pass.
I am the king around here.
Candy land will suffer for having no beer."

The three of them stared each other down or at least the two of them while Worqueendan fixed his crown. Not like you could see him stare anyway. For his eye was bigger than the hole he made to show his you know, what nasty display. I guess he needed to eat more which he began to do while calling Thinkingcap an ass whore. We could not believe our ears as we saw fiery rears and heard two that we thought were through.

"Bryan, how do you know you have a hot ass?"

"When it's too hot to touch? Too hot to handle?"

"Wrong! You set it on fire."

The zombie horde just looked on with their blank view as we could not believe it was those two. Then Betsy and Thinkingcap started to be bombarded with dead heads. I think Waffles was off his meds. He gave some Tarzan cry and swooped through the sky. Thinkcap twirled her finger and his vine wrapped around his neck, sadly Waffles seemed to die.

"Let's go you eejits!"

Anne broke free her gag and Worqueendan's gut continued to sag. It could have been his boobies I suppose. Either way, we stomped on the zombie horde's toes. Miss Priss and I kicked Pat in the head and he went back to normal, not wanting to end up dead. Anne grabbed old one eye's body and off we went. Drazin, and I admit, we thought she was bent.

"Let's go eejits. Get your arses in gear."

"Like hell! Drazin is not going in there."

"I'm with the godly mook."

"The demon has a point."

"Come in, the fire is fine."

"Brandon, we have a fine fire and a hot ass."

"Living the good life."

"Get them my subjects, now!"
I'll take care of the old cow."

"They are mine, I need their power.
For I will make all cower."

Worqueendan had is mouth to full to speak but he wanted everyone to go up shit creek. Our only choice was to jump in the fire and hope we would not go to hell or some place higher. So we followed Anne and dead one eye, as all around us continued to cry. If the Beer Guys were still around, some hope had to be found. So in we went. Betsy and Thinkingcap cried out and were rather bent.

*****************************************

Everything is surely coming to a head. I hope we are not dead. Poor old one eye though. I guess that is what she gets for watching reality TV at her show. She was hung and her bell was rung. Or maybe she will return from the fire's burn. I guess we shall see what comes to pass to everyone and my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

It Is True, Says Who?

NEWS FLASH! Make a dash, as a HUGE interview of Pat and the cat is over at this blog mat!

So it is the most wonderful time of the year at least according to many far and near. But does that really mean all has to be the same at one's scene? Screw the old PC, that will never be done by me. They can stick that in their pipe and blow it. Right up their arse bit by bit. The cat is talking about this and that, that supposedly has to be done at ones mat.

For every holiday,
It is expected at ones bay,
That all has to be done a certain way.
Or so the stick up their bum people say.

Have to use certain wrapping paper.
Pfft, pull a caper.
Using the mooning santa one,
It is very fun.

Have to have certain food.
Pfft not for this rhyming dude.
Instead eat what you eat every day,
At least at my bay.

Oh and have to sing a song,
Any other one is wrong.
Pfft not that they are bad,
Still some are just as rad.

Have to decorate because they did.
If not, nosey neighbor will flip their lid.
Not to mention neighborhood watch,
I'd kick that fuddy duddy in the umm crotch.

Have to have a certain tree.
Like one the mutt uses to lift its leg and pee.
Pfft palm trees work too.
Plus they won't remind you of the snow all around you.

Same for every holiday,
Each year as it comes into play.
Have to, have to.
Says friggin who?

Do what you want,
And then to the crones be sure to taunt.
That makes it so much more fun,
Then the same old crap that is spun.

Strange you may be called,
By those that are appalled.
But strange is grand,
Just look at me in my land.

Now I will go decorate my litterbox,
With some old holy socks.
That would make a great tune,
Hmm may have to be done by this loon.

This isn't to say ones traditions shouldn't be done, as long as all find them fun. But just doing them to follow the mass gives me plenty of gas. Or maybe it just makes me crass and I give off a little bit of sass. Either way I'll worship my singing bass or at least pretend to with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Here At My Haunt It Is A dVerse Want!

The cat is out and about looking at all these nuts giving a "huge sale" shout. He found them to be so grand that he wants it all in his land. Some of these things are truly dVerse and might take a ton of dough from your purse.

The cat wants a ton,
I can't possibly give it all a run.
But I will try,
As I let the rhyme fly.

I'll take a trip to some place warm.
A sunny day with no snow storm.
I'll take a trip to outerspace.
There I bet there is no rat race.

I want a plot on the moon.
A piece should be owned by this loon.
I want a winning lottery ticket.
Then I could tell work to stick it.

I want my own yacht.
Pfft that is not a lot.
I want my own country too.
Maybe even a golden loo.

A golden plated phone.
It must have quite the tone.
A car that goes very fast.
A trip to the past.

I want to visit Atlantis soon.
I want to stand off at high noon.
I want an invincibility suit.
That would surely be a hoot.

I want all fleas to die.
I want wings to fly through the sky.
A cat with wings,
Beats rats and other things.

I want my own battleship.
Then I could blow up anyone who gave me lip.
Maybe that would create world peace.
Just give me a golden fleece.

I want a genie too.
Then tons of wants could come due.
I wouldn't have to want at my zoo.
For all my wants would come true.

I need nothing at all.
As we sit here at our hall.
Except maybe no snow.
That I want to go.

There we go with the want flow. Wants can come and go but most are fruitless at any show. For the cat doesn't need much and such. As many do to I suppose except for maybe no woes. But then that is life and it comes with crap and strife. Now my wants have come to pass maybe that jolly fat guy will be nice to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Monday, December 3, 2012

New, New, New Things Coming Due!

The cat and Pat came to terms for one day, as Pat always tries to put his ugly mug on display. So instead we decided to build a brand and came up with the below at my land.


Now just look at that.
What a great cat.
And it still shows off Pat,
At least enough at our mat.

So now when you see this cat with each flag you know another children's book is in the bag. And now for the BEST book yet! That is a safe bet. Every single person who has given it a run, loved it a ton. Just look at the reviews on Amazon for it. This book will surely be a hit.



(Which you can download on your computer too! Also please leave a review!)
Now doesn't that look great?
You will forever recall this date,
When this book came out of the gate,
For greatness is Zagonk's fate.

The cat will not rest,
Until it has passed the test,
And 10,000 at least are sold.
100,000 would be more bold.

So click away,
For one great rhyming and art display.
And spread it around too,
If it can be done by you.

For if I get to the 10,000 goal,
All here today that gave it a stroll,
Will be stars in an upcoming book.
Now go and spread it around at your nook.

Zagonk takes on the Frost Giant,
Who remains defiant.
Can he break through?
Read to find out at your zoo.

And WAIT!
On this date,
Is the premiere video of Pat Hatt's jingle.
Listen now, as it makes your ears tingle.



Now was that not grand?
My, a ton is happening in my land.
Spread that around too!
Play it until all turn blue.

For 10,000 is the goal,
Then many of you can take a kiddie stroll,
And be in your own book,
Starring with, maybe even, the likes of Tarsier Man at my nook.

So go go go,
10,000 will come all aglow.
Of course the cat thanks you for your time,
Unless you are a mime.

And did you see in the video as well,
Plenty of more is to come that are swell.
Some was future art.
That I'm hoarding at my cart.

Oh and even using crummy Facebook too!
Go LIKE and view.
Yes, that means you.
Tweet away also at your zoo.

So did you forget already?
I will remind you steady.
10,000 has to come to pass,
For that is the goal of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.