Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Resolution What? Oh Kiss My dVerse Butt!

Hey, I did not go crass and say ass. Of course that did not rhyme. But still I avoided that title crime. So for dVerse today and at many other a blogland bay, such things as the year in review and resolutions may be in view. The year in review I shall not do. For 2013 did not suck unlike 2012 where in the garbage I'd like to chuck. Could get shot, not an exaggeration, and still have a better year than 2012 at my plot. And as for resolutions at my zoo. WHOOPDI FRIGGIN DOO!

Look at me,
Look and see,
I have something to say,
On this very special day.

I will lose weight.
That is my fate.
Finally to the gym,
To get myself trim.

I will write a book.
It will be off the hook.
It will be so grand.
All will buy it across the land.

I will move away,
To another bay.
I will start anew,
With a brand new zoo.

I will get a life,
Maybe find a wife.
Make a baby or two,
Create a real zoo.

I will blog every day.
That is what I say.
Even with nothing to tell,
I'll still ring the bell.

I will quit smoking.
No longer will all be choking,
As I puff my cancer stick.
This day will do the trick.

It is oh so special after all.
They sing at every hall.
When to 12 goes the clock.
This year will really rock.

Oh just wait.
You mean magic isn't my fate?
I have to do work?
That is not a perk.

I want a magic day,
Here at my bay.
Where I can still sit on my ass,
And everything I want will come to pass.

One big crock. I know that doesn't come as a shock. People wait for some magic day, which I've said a time or two at my bay, instead of getting off their butt and doing it now at their hut. Let's wait six months for that magic day instead of getting in done by then at our bay. Humans are a pathetic mass. If I want change I simply do it and get off my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Helping Your New Year Out With Today's Shout!

Back once more we go at my shore with the dating nuts who wonder why they are in ruts. But if you need a new years date, a crazy below may be your fate. If you are that desperate though you may want to go roll around in the snow.

Why ant I find a date?
What? No ants will take the bait?
Look at my pants but don't touch
Those ants must go dutch.

Count down the cock with me
Somehow I don't think so at my sea.
I won't be forgotten baby
If I try hard enough just maybe.

Travel the gravel and unravel
Appreciate the rhyme but don't like scratchy gravel.
Join me babe, its UP to u
Snip snip, sorry, nothing up to view.

U B My Tackle Dummy And I Be Ur Cheer
I don't need bruises or a headache, my dear.
Aeroplanes are my specialty of the day
Do you charge a fare for round trips at your bay?

I will drinc u sillie willie
I think you are already drunk and on a fun pillie.
Short out your crap before you yap
I guess short really does get a bum rap.

I'm busy but will make tim for you
I don't want any Tim's at my zoo.
Cough my way
Germs! No way hosa!

You'll jingle all the way
Arnold might take offense at his bay.
We'll ring in 2019
Time travel can be a dangerous scene.

Why you looking at me?
Because you show yourself for free.
Slack asses need not apples make
Ummm am I the only one giving a wtf head shake?

Scores have tried but none have won
Are you saying you team with anyone?
My sweat glands are ready to go
I had a shower, thank you though.

Triple threat, me, you and my sweet.
Sorry, to the cat bestiality isn't neat.
Same the bar and everything will be fogot.
I think you have made the drunk cut.

There we are, I'm always helping out at my bar. You can get a date with ease. But then they may give you fleas. Especially the one with a sweet. You may want to bring a dog treat. But on them we will take a pass which delights my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

The Typical Show Will Give Each A Blow!

So with each and every TV show, the typical stuff they always give a go. Humpty humps and bare rumps. Some of this and some of that. But then there is stuff you wouldn't expect many to pull from their hat. So here we go with them all aglow.

Things go boom.
Even in shows without doom and gloom.
Eventually something will explode.
Okay, that is kinda in typical mode.

But aliens are not.
They show up a lot.
In cop shows too.
How many shows have them may surprise you.

 And in every show someone tries to rob a bank.
The good guy is there to make them walk the plank.
But they get stuck in their during the heist.
Most times they don't get iced.

And of course a monster comes due.
Usually a famous one or two.
Can be a doctor show as well.
These things still cause hell.

 And of course someone goes to jail.
There is always some sort of tale.
But away they will go.
"I'm innocent" they will usually crow.

Another you might not expect,
Strangely in many you can detect.
Time travel comes into play.
After they jump the shark in the bay.

And this guy is everywhere.
Maybe it is because he has no hair.
Bet he has been in ten shows you've seen.
Even in Full House he was on your screen.

And Pirates come into play.
In many in some way.
From treasure to actually stealing.
They get that walk the plank feeling.

Santa also goes bad.
Many a show has him going mad.
Robbing a bank and such.
I guess they don't like him jolly much.

And maybe the biggest one of all.
It seems in most every tv show you can give a call.
Cats don't exist.
That makes the cat rather pissed.

Can't you tell from my look? They need to get on that at each and every TV nook. But then we don't take direction well. It would still be fun to cause the humans hell. So have you noticed such themes on more than one show? It is okay if you are a little slow. Now I will go leave a present in some producers grass. That will teach them to cross my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Eye See You At Your Zoo!

Did you ever get the feeling that something was off? But no matter how much you scoff, you still don't know what. Let's see if today you can catch on at my hut. It is okay if it takes a moment or two. For it has been done before and confused a few.

Today's post is the bomb.
You may chew your comb.
Have you guessed what is to come?
I hope you have from the comfort of home.

If not ask your daughter.
She may give much laughter.
But just don't sit there and brood,
Or go letting any tears flood.

Did I hear you cough?
That sounded a bit rough.
Maybe you need a mint,
Or a good pint.

Sorry though, I have none.
Although I can get you a stone.
Those I do not love.
Even snip snip they won't move.

Aren't you feeling alive?
Of course you have to be to live.
Unless you fall over when you take a bow.
That could interrupt your flow.

Then you would not be anyone's envy.
Don't sit there and ask me why.
I guess it just has been proved.
I can't help it if you're not loved.

Don't raise your eyebrow.
I may just have to send you a crow.
Yes, you heard what I said.
The plans have now been laid.

It may or may not be dead.
It depends on how you read.
At least it will look new,
And there will be no need to sew.

Are I not an evil fiend?
But I am still your friend.
Unless you are too rugged.
Then I'd have to be drugged.

But I don't mind strange.
I'll give them a nice orange.
Have you caught on to my hubris,
Or is your brain now full of debris?

Did you guess eye rhyme today? I have to do them to screw with all once in a while at my bay. Blame Grammar Nazi if you are now confused and you feel abused. He first told me about such an eye rhyme pass, which I just knew had to be used by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Never Knew That, It's Island Of The Cat!

Did you know that there was a real island where cats rule? I guess the poor dog does drool. There they have a nice rule that is fine by this fool. No mutts allowed. I guess butt sniffers aren't welcome in the kitty crowd.

In Tashirojima, Japan,
It seems all are a cat fan.
There cats run free,
Mating with glee.

They outnumber humans ten to one.
Not even one snip snip is done.
I guess they believe cats are good luck.
Those vet bills must be more than a buck.

But the residents pay,
When the cats are in dismay.
I guess Betsy isn't the only one,
Who is outnumbered under her sun.

Those whole island is theirs,
Island full of purrs.
I hear they also get much fish.
That has to be a tasty dish.

Even cat houses for those,
Who wish to go and strike a pose.
You could visit and get many fleas.
I bet they would sure bite your knees.

Could make a killing though,
Selling something thrilling at your show.
No, not that no mutts allowed.
Although that could draw a crowd.

You could sell one and all,
On going to this great hall.
Pussy Island is the place to be.
I bet many who travel across the sea.

They may not like it when there.
Unless they are tired of sheep at their lair.
Yeah, I went there.
Don't give me a glare.

You could fool many I bet,
As a pussy cat they aren't looking to pet.
Could get you tons of dough.
Make sure they can't find you though.

Although the cats may not like it.
They may be scared of their fit.
So best to just sit and stare,
As all on Pussy Island don't have a care.

Oh the cat jut had to do it. There all the cats sit. Not sure i would like that many at my sea. They'd be hanging from every tree. The cat hates that other place. Only one other one allowed in my space. So yeah I'll let you go and give them bass as I stay home with mylittle rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Check Your Mail As They Come In Like Hail!

Every year I make fun of this day, but I really do like boxes at our bay. I hop in and out and run about. They are fun to scratch. I will take them by the batch. Anyway, away we go with another boxing day show.

Got your wish,
Filled your dish.
Why not have two?
We aren't through.

Spend more,
It's an encore.
Buy today,
Use layaway.

Can't you feel,
Our great deal?
Yep, that's us.
Hop a bus.

Get here fast,
This won't last.
Add even more,
At your shore.

Why settle?
Buy this kettle.
Buy this crap,
Made at Gap.

Just do it.
Is a hit.
Will help you run,
To get things done.

These deals will fade,
We only want to aid.
So act fast.
Don't walk past.

Don't relax.
We forgo the tax.
Don't rest.
This deal is best.

You can get another job,
So just turn the knob,
And spend here today,
Before this deal goes away.

You will even comply,
Proving the day no lie.
Over those $2 socks,
You and another will box.

Pffft is all the cat can say. The deal will come another day. Can just relax and ignore the falling for something that they make out to be lore. This deal is such a myth they state, trying to make it fate. I'd rather stuff them in a crate and mail them off at a flat rate. There is my boxing day sass from my ever so box loving little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas To All With A Little Cat Call!

So did Santa find you all, leaving plenty of fun at your hall? If you got coal at least next year you have a goal. Plus you can heave it at someone you don't like, just be sure to throw a strike.

 We waited to see,
What he'd put under our tree.
Cassie took the wall,
I stood even more tall.

See, watching in the snow.
With my furry thing in tow.
He would no get by me.
I wanted more than a flea.

Cassie got tired of the wall,
So she had a ball.
Hiding in the tree,
Ready to pounce on his knee.

I took the wall.
We spied him at our hall.
We leaped out and ripped his bag,
Leaving lots of cool swag.

See, we got movies galore,
Here at our shore.
Wait! What?

This is my style.
A tp pile.
Hey, it's white.
To all a good night.

Hope all have a great day at their bay. I will go chew a tree branch or two now. Maybe even knock it over some how. I bet they would say more than wow as I sit and meow. So another Christmas has come to pass, hope it was enjoyed in mass and you don't get too much gas like my ever so merry little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Another dVerse Night Before Santa Takes Flight!

It seems at dVerse Santa really gets perverse. He is back once more for another scary encore. Brian and Claudia need to get a guard to chase him from their yard.

It was a clear night,
Santa in mid flight.
He needed a drink,
So gave a quick wink.

Down to dVerse he fell.
Ready to raise some hell.
A twinkle in his eye,
He looked kinda high.

A skip to his walk,
Made many talk.
The fat on his belly,
Rolled like jelly.

He gave Claudia a wink
Demanding a stiff drink.
Things soon went wrong,
They had nothing strong.

Santa knew they did,
So he made a bid.
He would entertain,
Making the booze rain.

He hopped on the bar,
Being the size of a car,
He made it crack,
While swinging his pack.

That sounded wrong.
Just sing a long,
To Santa's beat,
He's got quick feet.

Stripping for all,
At the dVerse hall.
Brian sure gawked,
Wishing the door was locked.

Instead he got this,
Little bit of bliss.
A sight you can't miss,
Made me give a hiss.

Brian caved,
As all raved.
Handed Santa a glass,
Reaching around his ass.

He sucked it back,
With a clackity clack.
Gave one more cheer,
Bearing his rear.

His pants went zip,
Back to his trip.
Naughty or nice,
We all paid the price.

Remind me to avoid dVerse from now on when the holidays dawn. Santa always gets dirty there. Claudia did not seem to care. I guess she liked the thrill. Brian looked kind of ill. Hard not to with that mass. Merry Christmas eve from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, December 23, 2013

A Holy Night With Two Light Hearted Fools In Sight!

So back we are as the two light hearted fools, who never get very far, are back and under attack. By who you ask? I think evil Santa is up for the task. He is rather chipper and looks like a stripper.

Evil Santa on display,
Sends them back across the bay.
There they find one and all,
Who they defeated and had a ball.

Grumpy Goo,
Is in view.
Numb tongue and the Gawker too.
A certain redneck comes due.

Along with the halloween nut,
And boney her loyal mutt.
Some Irish lass is there,
Along with some one eyed old mare.

Even the ninja wannabe,
And a fake representation of me.
All thanks to the Truedessa loon,
And her fetish with the moon.

So have fun,
Giving it a run.
With many in view.
Next one could be you.

So how was that? In the holiday spirit now at your mat? The ninja wannabe didn't play that bad that time. I guess he can make a half decent chime. Now that the crazies are out in mass, I will go hide my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

The Same Is Oh So Lame!

Did you ever get stuck watching TV at a place where commercials still run free? It is oh so interesting as can be. I mean they have such originality. Each and every brand. Go oh so original across the land.

Look at me!
Go on a buying spree.
I am yummy.
Good for your tummy.

Look at me!
I will give you glee.
Finger lickin' good.
Buy me you should.

Look at me!
I taste better than a tree.
I am low in fat.
How about that?

Look at me!
I'll set you free.
Just whip out your dough,
And I'll fill you head to toe.

Look at me!
Don't I make you go weeeee?
I'm good for any time of the day.
Take me home to your bay.

Look at me!
I'll even feed a flea.
I'm just that good.
Buy me you should.

Look at me!
You looked, yipeee!
Now come on down.
I won't make you frown.

Look at me!
Why not buy three?
One for each meal.
You'll get a sweet deal.

Look at me!
I sure beat tea.
I'm so healthy too.
I don't lie, it's true.

Look at me!
What do you see?
Your meal for the week.
It is okay to peek.

Wow, now if that is not originality I don't know what is. Don't you just love the same old same old commercial biz? With nice shiny "healthy" food on display. doesn't that just make you want to run out and pay? Pffft ten times and I still say I'd rather eat grass with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Caroling Is Not Divine To The Feline!

The stinking carolers are heard all around. I hate their screechy sound. Caroling or doing some party thing, both annoy the cat at his wing. I need new signs to stave off their whines.

The nuts of those not snip snip,
May take a flying trip.
Wouldn't want them seen,
By a squirrel at my scene.

Jurassic Park,
Left its mark.
So they will run,
Getting eaten on the loo is no fun.

They may not like to hear no,
So away they will go.
Straight home,
And won't roam.

See, I'm fine with some at my sea.
Not all of them have to flee.
I can get ear plugs for some,
Unless they also have a huge bum.

Make them think,
At my rink.
Then I'll chuck my own,
Here at the tone.

A mutt has a use.
Beats a noose.
Shoot them in the bum,
Then their voice will go numb.

How dare they try and use my box.
I'll have to get double locks.
Or just make them think once more.
Should keep them away from my door.

They will hurl,
Run away in a whirl.
Scream like a little girl.
I'll laugh and twirl.

Unless they are in a nudist convention,
They'd run at first mention.
Then again they could be proud,
And want to stand out from the crowd.

Had to return,
For another turn.
It might make them read,
Stopping the whiny singing deed.

So think any of those will work to scare away the singing off key nuts with a smirk? If not I could always hit them with the sharp edge or push them off the balcony ledge. The cat is so crass, but it does not bother my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, December 20, 2013

It Is Your Fate To Really Decorate!

So are your decorations still off making your guests scoff? I suppose that is good if you want to scare them away. But if that is not the case at your bay, the cat will help you out. Before you lose all you decorating clout.

See you don't want this.
It brings no bliss.
Even if easy to do,
And cheap too.

 You want to make all smile,
And not think you're vile.
So smile with a smile,
And turn up the brightness dial.

Tell all,
You are firsky at your hall.
Hey, it might work.
Could turn out to be a perk.

You can say you have a band,
That would really be grand.
Sing and give out tacos.
Some may curl their nose.

And spread the cheer,
To all that are near.
As many can agree,
At their work sea.

Say you have an open loo.
All can come to your zoo,
And take a giant pee.
Warning! If you see yellow snow, flee. 

Announce you have a zoo.
Betsy could do this with her crew.
Cats by the ton.
Could be fun.

Welcome all nerds.
They would come in herds.
You'd look smart,
With so many at your cart.

Or just go all out.
Announcing you have clout.
Enough dough to pay the energy bill.
Many will come to your hill.

But if this light shines in your head,
Just know you'll have a new bed.
In a nice jail cell,
For quite the spell.

There you go, now you can really glow. You could put on quite the show and have them lined up in a row. How about that? No need to thank the cat. Just helping all in mass with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

A Christmas Bonus Today At My Bay!

It is bonus time with today's rhyme. Should you guess what is to come you will be given a bonus by my little rhyming bum. What is that? Hmm I am a dirty cat. So to confess you might not want to guess. But to each who do, you will eventually be here in view.

This time of year,
Many give a cheer.
They are a lucky duck,
And get an extra buck.

Others kiss the boss's butt,
And get a fancy donut.
Wow, what a bonus to come due.
Okay, I will get on with it at my zoo.

Bonus time,
In my rhyme.
Might get a fiddle,
Or watch a mutt piddle.

I guess we shall see,
What will come from me.
If you are to guess,
And are willing to confess.

Don't be afraid,
Just hide in the shade.
You might get bull shit,
So is it worth it?

I guess you'll have to ask,
The guy with the flask.
He won last year.
What? I never gave such a cheer?

Oh dear!
I cheated I fear.
Just gave it to that guy,
And he didn't even try.

That is too much to bear.
I gave him something so rare.
And he won with ease.
Wait! It was only Febreeze.

So I guess I'm off the hook.
Don't give me that look.
I'll make you eat crow,
Or just bite your toe.

Maybe you'll win a dead mouse,
Or bird at your house?
Would that not be grand?
Beats what is in my litterbox sand.

The answer at my gate is eight. Oops did I just give it away? Nope, eight what at my bay? Are you confused? I'm so amused. Let's see if any have a chance. Don't cheat and give the comments a glance. Or you will be shown with zombie feet in mass by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Don't Care Even If Aware!

Would it not be grand to once more not care across the land? Pretty much like a child as they run wild. Sure they know, give a cry and then off they go. Doesn't weigh heavy on them at all at their hall.

House burns down.
Give a frown.
Build a fort,
Of some sort.

Got no money.
Still it's sunny.
Play in the mud.
Jump in with a thud.

Dumb drivers about.
No need to shout.
Just make a funny face,
As passed them you race.

Life goes in the crapper.
Become a clapper.
Sing a song.
That stays in your head too long.

Some disease.
Still they sneeze.
But who cares.
Germs go everywhere.

Got no clothes.
Doesn't cause woes.
Around they run,
Even out in the sun.

Weather sucks.
Can't feed the ducks.
Let the music blare,
No need to go anywhere.

Stumble and fall.
Give a crying call.
Then get back up and run.
Can't stop fun.

People are found.
Take a look around.
Trust them all.
Except the one giving a cat call.

Even a hound.
That eats a brown mound.
Give it an embrace,
Letting it lick a face.

Shoving thought and the bad stuff aside to have a fun ride. Sure the way to be, if it wasn't for needing to eat at ones sea. The only perk of work. Still be fun to just let things so easily pass. But then being crazy gives that sorta to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

A dVerse Helping Hand From My Land!

So you are late and need to find a place that still is stocked with an open gate. Never fear, you will be helped by my little rhyming rear. You just have to get dVerse. No need to curse. Even if they are slack and taking a break from their shack. Pffft I do not need any stinkin break. So I will still partake.

Who doesn't like liquor?
Can make one see things that flicker.
Could get it with ease,
Away to the bar you breeze.

Just fill an empty bottle from your cup.
Never bring the bottle up.
Keep it hidden low.
Then once full, wrap it in a bow.

Your office is ripe for the picking.
That clock that is ticking,
That stapler that is so shiny.
Forget the receptionist, she's too whiny.

Could even swipe a sheet of paper.
I'm sure you could pull off such a caper.
Then make a paper airplane.
Bam! Instant gift, beats a train.

Go outside.
Search far and wide.
Actually just stand in the yard,
Unless that is too hard.

Hold out a cup and wait for rain.
Stick in a pretty candy cane.
Free water and a treat.
I bet all with think it is neat.

Go in your house,
Make sure no one is close,
Then sneak around,
And see what is found.

It is a ton of hair!
Collect it all at your lair.
Then form a wig.
Bet it will be quite the rig.

And then there is the place,
That many embrace.
Though it may stink,
When in trash you sink.

But the dump can pleasure.
It can hold many a treasure.
Who knows what you will detect.
Don't touch things though that stand erect.

See, no need to curse at your sea. You can find stuff for under the tree. Just do some hopping and you can find fun places to go shopping. What? You want a heated store? You are such a bore. Could also swipe your neighbor's grass and give it to my grass eating little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Make A Wish With The Rainbow Fish!

And so number 24 has come to take a tour. Not even Christmas time can stop me. I'll ho ho ho them out with glee. Wait! That might leave Santa pissed and get me on the naughty list. Oh well, being bad is swell.

A genie likes to dance,
He can really prance.
He doesn't want to grant a wish.
But along comes a fish.

She is rainbow like,
A deal they strike.
And away they go,
To put on a show.

But it was a leprechaun trick.
He is rather slick.
They may win the day,
Or sink in the bay.

I guess you'll have to see,
With number 24 from me.
Even a triple snout pig,
I'm sure that you can dig.

Click here for a peer!

Artwork is sure grand with this one in my land. And so that closes another year of books with my little rhyming rear. One every single month came due, some months even had a few. Damn, the cat is grand here in his land. I am sure more will come to pass from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.