So over at Robyn's place she always puts a smile on ones face with her dating headline woes. For many there sink to new lows. But then it is always about the men. So the cat thought he would get Pat to search around and do the women at his den.
"Loking to met new people"
Better keep loking too.
For met people are blue.
They already had to listen to you,
And the grammar that comes due.
"pretty(sexy)lexi4u"
You can rhyme,
Beats a mime.
But with no space,
Your brains are lost without a trace.;
"send me nudes"
You want them to draw, right?
I hear you may bite.
Not sure I can round any up,
But I know of a pup.
"boo"
Quite the headline.
You really scared the feline.
Actually you did,
With hair like a squid.
"Save a horse! Take a taxi?"
Animal rights is good,
Unless I misunderstood,
And you want the save.
Then things could be grave.
"why can't we not be sober"
We don't know,
We see liquor show,
We get drunk,
We smell like a skunk.
'hey I just met you...so call me maybe"
Easy pickings it seems.
Or just pipe dreams.
Bad choice of words,
I'll go eat some birds.
Damn it!
Rinse and spit.
"Remember that time I drew on yor cat?"
Pffft you did that,
I'd squash you flat.
A pringle can would come due,
Then I'd sorta draw on you.
"Bingo"
Was his name-o,
B I N G O
Wanting to be compared to a dog,
Why not put Wilber and go with a hog?
"erMahgerd"
Sounds like you are in pain?
Do you have some kind of sprain?
Maybe you are gonna be hit by a train?
Or all that pushing is making you strain?
"juss seeing whatsup"
Clearly not your lingo.
May as well shout Bingo.
Heard better speech from a mutt,
While he licked his butt.
"here for shits and gigs and to have fun"
I think they make imodium for that.
Take one at your mat.
And gigs you say?
My a hooker on display.
"STOP!!...Hammertime."
Hmm decades in the past,
My you catch on fast.
Or maybe not.
Could suffer from brain rot.
The cat had to stop looking at such things. My, you humans are scary in your online dating wings. But the cat proved his point. It's not just men at the online dating joint. The same crap can come from a lass. It is oh so scary to my little rhyming ass.
Experience spring, have a fling.
No.#1
ReplyDeleteHank
They are still coming after you
DeleteAnd your spot at my zoo
The online dating world scares me too,
ReplyDeleteIt should scare all
DeleteAt every hall
Two! Catching up to you! :)
ReplyDeleteMeet girls the old fashioned way
DeleteGo for a walk in the park today
Or you'll meet them at the market
Be sure to always wear a jacket
Or maybe in a local store
She'll be waiting at the door
Or at the glove counter she will
Be trying to settle a bill
Like in the movie Serendipity
Will lose her glove, what a pity
You'll look for her everywhere
And finally find her at your lair
Happily ever after you will be
You, the girl, cats and family :)
Technically three
DeleteBut who's counting, not me
Would be nice if it were that way
Heck, be nice if I could walk at my bay
Don't think my hobbling would work
Or come off as a perk
Serendipity was a great one
Have given that many a run
It was a dead heat at 7:04
DeleteNext time I'll improve my score
Try the Speed Dating race
Meet lots of girls in one place
Spend 8 minutes on each date
Or you will just meet her by Fate
Fate doesn't seem to like me right now
DeleteBut maybe it will take a bow
And be nice one day soon
Or I could beat fate with a spoon haha
awh online dating, memories!!! Now I just cry myself to sleep at night.
ReplyDeletehaha sure easier to do
DeleteThen dating from the crazy online zoo
Had a peek at Life by Chocs
ReplyDeleteThat's title of Robyn's blog
'Just the Right Time' has been out
That is sure a really big shout
The Man who is not a grammar fan
Can cause confusion at his end
Would rather maintain simple English
And accomplish it with such relish!
Hank
Yeah fun at her shore
DeleteIs had when one goes to explore
Sadly simple English escapes some
And makes them sound rather dumb
oh my, hammertime
ReplyDeletedo i have to wear the pants when i dance
only if we be drunk, way skunked
its scary, i am glad i have been had
as i would not want to date
in this day, afraid of who might come my way...
haha dance away
DeleteWith the hammertime pants at your bay
Yes be very glad
A scary time is surely had
on line dating sort of scary
ReplyDeletemight be like ice skating..
could be smooth could be rough
could be one giant bust..
it may be best not to take this test
too much to digest...in this modern world...
you might get swirled and hurled..
Yeah it is mostly bust
DeleteAvoiding it is a must
Such a test
Results in a pest
So glad I don't have to go through that dating ship anymore!! Heading over to Robyn's
ReplyDeleteBe very glad
DeleteIt is scary more than a tad
ReplyDeleteDating today is not for the foolhardy
gone are the days you met at a party
It is a whole new world out there
with Match.com to find someone to care!
Yeah and a load of crap
DeleteIs found on such a site map
The "send me nudes" chick may be a good match for Anne's creepy stalker guy.
ReplyDeletehaha that could be
DeleteOf course anyone would prob give the stalker guy glee
Why do people date online
ReplyDeleteLives are busy it's a sign
But think of all the time they waste
When marriage comes in all due haste
They rake in presents by the ton
They're both so pleased with prizes won
My nephew and his wife of charm
One week of marriage heard the alarm
Off to the divorce court they did go
Snarling bad words, quite the show
If people think that this is fun
I've thankful that I've had my run.
haha yeah jump on in
DeleteAt each and every bin
For you MUST have a date
Or you are strange at your gate
At least the sentiments of a few
That come into view
No big rush here
As crazies are all that is near
Causing me fear
Oh dear
One week is all, you say?
DeleteSounds like they wanted the Kim Kardashian way.
And more hassle than can be
DeleteAlso very costly
Twas a big and fancy wedding
DeleteAnd a fat expensive setting
Relatives all bought new dud (s)
So they won't look like Elmer Fudd
Some came long distance, bought a ticket
Add a hotel...... sticky wicket
Lots of gossip .....marriage sacked
Return the presents?????? Not a fact!!!!!!
LOL
And no one saw it coming?
DeleteTheir divorce drumming
I guess it was a good excuse to get together
Even if one knew it would not weather
Online dating
ReplyDeleteI would fear
for freaks and crazies
haunt such a place.
Pretending to be
what they are not
and from a distance
it's hard to know
what you're getting
yourself in for.
So glad I'm married
and happily so
to those places
I don't have to go.
Yeah lucky as can be
DeleteTo avoid such a sea
Of faker crap
That is right across the map
I'm so glad The Spawn doesn't do such crap. She's learned by watching her silly friends make a mess of their lives. One of her friends met a boy from Ireland and he flew to the States. They're getting married in April. Reality check. Our economy is shite, there are no jobs and this boy needs a green card. Stupid, stupid girl.
Deletehahaha all in the name of love
DeleteOr rather giving that green card a shove
Yo Pat whatsup? I'm just here for shits and gigs you know. So call me maybe?
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I was once immersed in the world of online dating. It just never changes. Also, anyone named SexiLexi is either a stripper or a spam bot (or both?).
haha cringe at looking at such things
DeleteIt never does change at the online wings
Maybe she is one of those phone sex girls too
A trifecta at her zoo
I have several friends who met their husbands online. So far, all are major success stories! Honest Abe. :)
ReplyDeleteNot just success but major success
DeleteThe crazies are all I attract I guess
Without looking at it, that blog about dating woes, sounds like an on-line-version of Taylor Swift.<--Oh, low blow, I know. For shame. For shame on me. ,-)
ReplyDelete"Auntie"
LOL quite the blow
DeleteSwift should eat crow
The daring game sure sounds scary!
ReplyDeletehaha yeah lucky we can avoid
DeleteFor it makes me paranoid
so call me maybe...I think they were looking for the lyrics to a song
ReplyDeleteAnd got the words all wrong.
(So Here's My Number)
The online dating wing!
Just remember there are far worse things
than being single and dateless!
Let fate just happen and don't get caught up in that mess!
Yeah there are far worse things indeed
DeleteLike having to sit on an arse pillow and type with one hand at your feed LOL
Fate is a real umm you know
I hope someone steps on his/hers toe
lol
DeleteSingle young male wants to meet beautiful girl.
Talents include
rhyming and chiming
sitting on donut pillow
driving with left foot
typing with left hand
washes hands repeatedly.
Still hasn't lost his sense of humor.
A bit sarcastic
but cute
and really funny.
Lovely lady must like cats..
and have a brain
and likes to eat chicken,
must have aversion to public restrooms.
:)
LOL see not too much to ask
DeleteOf course could drive some to the flask
Whenever I read stuff like that I wonder if it's just a typo. I know, for me, my dang fingers have a mind of their own. Your lines were hilarious.
ReplyDeleteYeah some of it is prob a typo
DeleteI do it easily at my show
But you would think when finding a date
They would not want grammar hate
I know better than to drink my coffee while reading your posts...what was I thinking?!
ReplyDeletehaha sorry for the mess
DeleteIt is fun to hear though I confess
I've been looking forward to what would come after smashing a printer... a frisky kitty fling in spring!
ReplyDeletehaha frisky as can be
DeleteWhile snip snip at my sea
Wow. Well, it's pretty obvious why they haven't found anyone!
ReplyDeleteObvious to all but them I suppose
DeleteAs they still strike a happy pose
I am so happy that I met my husband before I ever used the internet! I don't think I have the skin to handle some of the weirdo's that pop up online.
ReplyDeleteOh and weirdos there are
DeleteNear and far
Haha oh my word this is perfect Pat! I love when Robyn does her posts on this and your rhyming take on it has made it even more interesting, absolutely loved this, the thought of Pat going around dating websites for material is a humorous one too!
ReplyDeletehaha had to do it at my sea
DeleteJust to show women too are crazy
Of course that we knew
At every zoo
Why would you want to take a taxi instead of a horse? At the end of the trip, you could eat the horse if you were hungry.
ReplyDeleteI don't see people eating taxis.
You could eat the taxi too
DeleteOr go all cannabil and just eat the driver at your zoo
love this post so much ha ha..
ReplyDeleteGlad you do
DeleteNot sure it's true
Online dating has become quite the norm
ReplyDeleteAlthough it can sometimes cause a storm
People can be anything they want behind a computer screen
They can pretend that they're a king or a queen!
Yep, hiding behind a screen
DeleteWhen really they are obscene
Scary what can be
Lurking there waiting for thee
With a face like mine,
ReplyDeleteI'd have to whine
and wear a hood!
hahaha maybe the hood
DeleteWill just mean you're misunderstood
ha...a friend of mine did some online dating for a while...and oh she could tell stories..finally she gave it up and tries to find a guy in real life...smiles
ReplyDeleteOh I could tell some too
DeleteBut they aren't appropriate for my zoo
The internet lingo scares me. Online connections even scarier. Face to face over coffee makes more sense.
ReplyDeleteYep more sense indeed
DeleteBut none around my feed
Funny about the dating thing - My friend said one guy insisted on her paying for her own coffee and she wrapped it up toot sweet.
ReplyDeleteStart at you mean to go on, rebound him
Leave the cheapie with his latte at the counter
Cheapie's never get far
DeleteBut can beat the loons at the bar
Online dating YIKES.
ReplyDeleteI think I would rather fight with pikes.
Robyn sure is brave.
This kind of carp, would put me in my grave.
So, who's more crazy?
Women, I think, cause most men are lazy.
Yep women are far more crazy on there
DeleteMen are just lazy and want an affair
I am so happy I am married and don't have to worry about online dating.
ReplyDeleteYes lucky you
DeleteFor online nuts are crazy through and through
call them Maybe?
ReplyDeletewell Maybe will be lonely
haha that maybe will
DeleteWon't get a thrill
My cousin met her hubby through online dating but
ReplyDeleteits luck more than the normal thing ~
More snow and ice...yikes Pat ~
Yeah luck indeed
DeleteAnd yeah that crap is coming again to our feed
That's it, cat! I came by to say hello and now I'm left with this blasted song stuck in my head:
ReplyDelete"so call me maybe"
No, I won't call you - ever!!
haha hey it wasn't me
DeleteJust another online dating crazy
But I'll take the blame
All the shame
On line dating seems so taboo,
ReplyDeleteI bet they check their profiles
while hiding in the loo
Then again, I think I would too.
hahaha that might smell
DeleteSure could cause hell
Online dating
ReplyDeletecan snare a bloke.
Who may end up mating
with a pig in a poke.
Just another reason to avoid
DeleteBe all together paranoid
Good luck rhyming to this because I just wanted to let you know a bit about grammar anarchy
ReplyDeleteOne thing I try to avoid in writing is something that I have mentioned before and that is the 'run-on' sentence because there are times that what you have to say can be much better described without using 'and' to make the sentence even longer than what it needs to be and there are times I know that I have probably typed sentences that are just too short but I don't care about that and I have decided that grammar anarchy is real good fun but will be frowned upon by those who insist that oh you must put a comma here and a semicolon there along with a period or as it is called in Britain a full stop to note the end of a sentence which is not happening with this sentence until I ramble on with yet more gibberish such as the 'Comedy Knitting' workshop was a laugh and it had me in stitches being involved with such a close-knit community and this bank machine had a sign noting 'free cash machine' yet I noted that the cash actually came out of my account which I thought was unfair and misleading so I went into the store to complain and the lady asked me if she could check my card by 'swiping' it which I though was not good because if she swiped it I would not be able to use it and then I went to my car and realised it had been swiped but the scratch was not too bad so I went back into the shop and purchased a CD which was an empty case that had to be taken over to a special section where this lady then put a CD into the empty case and I then realised when I put the CD into my car stereo that my day was getting even worse because I was ready to listen to 'Devo' singing 'god made monkey but he used the human to do it' or something like that and ended up getting the 'Best of the Osmonds' so I think it is always best to make sure that the CD you get is the one that you want and I now believe I could sneak in words such as fuck and pink stilettos and you would not even realise this because you are now fascinated by my story about these little people who followed around a very well-endowed golden amphibian whilst singing 'follow the yellow prick toad' and now I think it is time to not continue going on and on and on and on because I am going red in the face about being blue in the face over writing such a ridiculously long run-on sentence and thus you can now take a breath and smile.
Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!
Damn longest comment ever
DeleteI think you win such an endeavor
Your paws must be sore after that
But no dog will show up the cat
So away we go
With one big rhyming flow
A run on sentence can really bore as it is quite the chore to explore when you go to ones shore and it is without a comma or period at their door making it something of lore and puts you on the floor because such a thing at any wing is just so long that it comes on strong and without any time to even rhyme your eyes will go blind whether human or some other kind and that just is not divine because it hurts the arms of the feline and one should never toe that line because then you would swing from a vine like that Tarzan loon and by the end of the day you would thin you were in a cartoon and really follow that yellow brick road or so called toad but that would be a load because by the end of that you would be squashed flat and dead without your hat squashed lie a gnat for trying to fly like a bat and eat a rat that is bad for you digestion which is really I suppose is more of a question because for some it is fine and they can tow the line or is that toe the line that should be said by the feline at some point in time during this long winded rhyme that would even scare a mime with its chime and it just proves I'm in my prime and all can suck a lime or in your case sniff a butt there at your hut and avoid an online crazy stalker nut that will never ever meet the cut as they thin they are king Tut when really the are in a rut with loads of crap in their gut that would make you turn to mu in a heart beat and not want to beat the heat with such a treat to the eyes that is so unwise and full of lies for it is a disguise that really makes one want to hurl and they may need to after giving this run on sentence thing a whirl at their sea and they may become crazy but they will never be lazy for this does tae quite a while to do at ones zoo that is surely true and all could turn blue or sniff glue at some factory of poo and flushed it all down the loo creating goo that would make any person go achoo and end this long winded spiel before I go play lets make a deal and end up spinning some wheel that breaks my heel and I am unable to heal thanks to a banana peel that feel out of a tree thanks to some greedy monkey that tried to lift too many at once and just proved he was a dunce that really needed to take a nap and not let his mouth flap as he went about his donkey kong rap who is really an ass kong if you thin about it which has to be rough being named after the thing that helps us umm shit and now I think I am done with my fun for I am under the gun and truly have to run before I see the sun and feel tired by a ton so with that the cat will just say good night everyone and now I am done which will be a sight to each lad and lass glad I stopped being a run on little rhyming ass.
Bad grammar puts our mom in a bad mood, not that she is perfect. She does try. She likes long sentences and people who write like Faulkner and Hubert Selby Jr, so go figure.
ReplyDeleteYeah no one is perfect with grammar stuff
DeleteBut some more than others need to repeat 1st grade and learn the stuff haha
Online dating scares me. I keep thinking if I ever tried it I'd end up falling in love with some man who claimed to be a historian who spends his evenings cleaning pottery and he'd turn out to be a sumo wrestler who lives in the back of an ice cream shop.
ReplyDeleteWell at least you could get tons of ice cream
DeleteEven if he's bigger than half a football team
I am SO SORRY to be #90 here, especially when you linked to me and I was really loking (j/k) forward to this post, Pat. I'm ashamed. I just got in from work and errands and ran to my desktop to read your post. Wanted to say that first, and now I'm going to actually read it. Oh, also, before I delve in, thank you for turning the tables. I've been wanting the male point of view. Thanks for linking to me too...!
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
No problem at all
DeleteHave things to do at your hall
And plenty come before hand
So being 90 is fine in my land
LOVED IT!!
ReplyDeleteLaughter I could not restrain
It's not just men missing a brain
Especially when trying to woo
Your replies are truly priceless too
For this post alone,
I worship you
You've raised the bar for all to see
Save a horse, take a taxi?!
Encore! More of this madness at your shore.
xoRobyn
LOL glad it was grand
DeleteSo fun to do in my land
And an encore I just did the other day
Of course being so far ahead it won't run until May
The butt-licking mutt put a laugh in my gut(t) :)
ReplyDeleteQuite an array of lays.. I mean, ladies :)
haha ladies may not be the right word
DeleteAs they are very absurd
Years ago, we knew a lady who met a man through on line dating. He ended up trying to take her home. She found out he was still married and the wife was in on the plan. There was a lot more to it than the little piece I wrote.. Very scary.
ReplyDeleteGeez deranged indeed
DeleteOne really must take heed
I date my ex-husband. We can't live together, but at least we know what to expect at the end of the night :)
ReplyDelete.......dhole
haha well there you go
DeleteEasy enough at your show