Friday, May 31, 2013

This Or That With Ease From The Cat!

The cat saw a guy the other day that would not do things the easy way. He had to go do them the hard way which should make for some fun at my bay.

There was a man,
Let's call him Stan.
Who could have saved time,
Instead he wasted his prime.

First he tried to get fit,
Had some weight and wanted to lose it.
So he hit the gym pit,
Could have lost it fast if he only realized he was so full of shit.

Then he wanted a ride.
Stuck behind his pride,
Instead of buying a truck,
He tested his car hopping luck.

Next he tried to get rich,
By marrying some witch.
But all he got was a high pitch,
And a need to have a stitch.

Then he had to give a speech,
But it was just out of reach.
As he drank lots of liquor,
Instead of quicker he got sicker.

Next he tried to make a flick,
He attached a camera to a stick.
And stuck it to a cow.
The Academy will never ask him to take a bow.

Then he wanted a house,
So he hired a mouse.
Thinking it was mighty.
At least he didn't think it was Aphrodite.

Next he tried to be a hero,
Instead he become a zero.
Literally too.
When you are dead they erase you.

Should have called the cops,
When trying to save lamb chops.
Those hicks don't like strife,
Especially when you steal their wife.

Hard or easy, easy or hard.
Either way he's beneath the yard.
Poor old Stan,
Should have went and got a tan.

Easy isn't always best but it can pass the test, especially if hard will get you beneath the backyard. Like jumping from car to car or too much liquor at the bar. One could make one shiver the other kill the liver. Easy or hard depends on what comes to pass. The direct route is always found by my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Jack Is Back!

That is right, in about a year from last night, or last weeks last night. Did I confuse you at my site? Anyway, in roughly a year Jack will be back with a damn it cheer. Wish he'd just say shit, as anyone else would say it. What you are lost? I guess I will un-lost you at no cost.

Speaking of which,
That ending is still so crappy it makes me twitch.
But damn it, no.
Not the Jack on this show.


Damn it, not this guy.
One can wish under their sky.
But dumb MGM is sitting on their ass,
Letting it collect dust in mass.


Damn it, that breath is rank.
Could bust open a tank.
No Jack ass allowed,
No matter how proud.


Damn it, I'm blind.
No Jack's of this kind.
Olympic gold or not.
Makes my eyes rot.


Yes, it always comes back,
With a surprise attack.
But damn it you are wrong.
I hate its stupid song.


That was not up my sleeve.
I am just going to quickly leave.
Damn it, it was not me.
That other guy is the cheater, you see.


Damn it, no jack rabbit stew,
Is going to come due.
Those legs are damn long.
The luck in those feet must be strong.


Damn it, this guy is coming back,
For a fifth attack.
But damn it is all I can say,
As after one they sucked big time with each play.


I never said Jack,
Is on a back.
Besides it is an arm.
Damn it, I want to cause harm.


But I will let him do that.
When he squashes all flat.
For Jack is coming back.
And damn it, it better not lack.

There we go. Damn it, that was a lot of Jack's to show. So many more too. I would be damning things all day at my zoo. But damn it I am glad Jack Bauer is back on the TV at every pad. As long as there is no damn mole or the whole "Jack can't be trusted" thing takes a stroll, it may be good. Beats any reality TV crap at least as they are all as dull as wood. So another 12 hours will come to pass. He can sure hold it better than my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I Guess Round Thirteen Is Bad Luck As I Go What The Umm Duck!

Say what you want about previous nuts, at least they were semi understandable when talking out their butts. Sadly, this batch of search engines crazy loons are singing some sort of gibberish show tunes.

"laughing bum"

I guess that explains it all. When laughing and talking you get the below search engine call.

"echter sex ohne deckw"

Anyone want to take a guess? A cruise ship sex affair captain trying to confess?


Did the French find me? Damn, no par la whatever at my sea.

"rhymetyme patt htt"

At least we can decipher this one. Even though it's the cat not Pat who gives the rhymes a run.


You want to fill Flappy you say? That just makes me feel ill at my bay.

"alpaca portret"

Another fetish on the rise. Hint, they aren't goats in disguise.

"lodisung wethe"

Ummm beats me. They got hit on the head, clearly.

"sweet mook scat"

You are looking for the crap of Drazin? My, your mind is smaller than a raisin.

"chimpanzee dressed up like cupid"

Wow, I did not want to know. Keep such things in the bedroom at your show.


Girls with pogs turn you on? That is so 90's at your lawn.

"porno hatrek2*3"

Is that the same as hockey? Or for this hat trick do you need a jockey?

"superhero underwear for men"

There really are a lot of grown guys taking to the spandex skies.

"eastern bunny hide"

Does the eastern bunny hide in the west? Is this some sort of math test?

"cat at the end of it's rope"

I think you found one, after give this bunch of nuts a run.

And the winner this time really has committed some sort of genetic crime. Or at least has one screwed up view as he checks out each gazoo.

"nice ass from behind"

How would that even work? Can it be in front for some sort of perk? An ass in front and other stuff behind. Hmmm that would be a new level for all human kind. Such questions from the search engine class that I wish would never be given to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Not Too dVerse I Fear As I Rhyme Off My Rear!

Haven't done this for a long while so the cat figured he would turn up the rhyming dial. It may be dVerse to some but it is all the same to my little rhyming bum. For every word rhymes today with my chimes.


Fun Times!
Shun mimes!
Run rhymes!
Done limes?

At it again,
Spat shit hen.
That brit den,
Gnat spit pen.

Cats Rule, Dogs Drool!
Rats spool hogs school.
Bats fuel frogs stool.
Fats cool togs cruel.

Can't get caught over there.
Chant it lot, Dover aware.
Pant, spit, snot, Rover pair.
Ant split robot clover hair.

Action is all it takes today.
Fraction his call, lit lakes bay.
Attraction whiz stall bit makes way.
Contraction quiz hall hit rakes pay.

Touch base soon to win your prize.
Much face goon, clue, in drawer lies,
Such embrace spoon knew sin spore disguise.
Clutch case toon blue, pin store ties.

Why are you looking at me like that?
Lie far, cue booking cat flea hike at,
Cry bar. View cooking bat knee like gnat.
Sky tar new Brooking flat pee strike scat.

dVerse thinks it will beat my little rhyming ass.
Curse finks, hit hills, treat eye skittle timing lass,
Perverse pinks fit bills, defeat sky brittle miming bass.
Worse winks get chills deplete wry spittle chiming sass.

Now that will be it for today at my place.
Meow at ill sea shit more. Play bat sky race,
How? Gnat kill! Glee pit explore bay, lie face
Brow, pat fill. Flee hit chore display, sigh space.

See what I did there? One to ten at my lair. The cat can rhyme away every word on display. Always stretching my skill at my hill. Sorry if your tongue now feels ill. At least you know you got your fill as the rhymes show in mass. All thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Head West For A Fest!

So today is the start of a kind fest around each blog cart. Hmmm kind is so foreign to my little rhyming behind. I'll pass some gas and send it west. That will sure announce this fest. Like sky writing in a fart cloud. That would make me proud.

Kindness that is done,
Sure can be fun.
Which in blogland it surrounds.
Even old one eye with her hounds.

Not sure on nasty Irish Air,
She is vile at her lair.
Hank is also kind,
Going on the road so first some can find.

At least once in a while.
Did I mention Irish Air is vile?
Betsy pretends to be kind all the stinkin time,
But I have seen her scary chime.

The gawker must have kind eyes,
Or people think he is wise.
As he glares at them all day,
With a Peeping Tom display.

Plus no matter what I say,
From the litterbox to zombie feet on display,
Many come every day,
From May to May.

So with that,
I guess for one week I'll be a kind cat.
At least in spirit I suppose,
As I will still cause woes.

Except now all the kiddos can cheer,
Thanks to my rhyming rear.
Or the kid at heart,
Or some other part.

But the cat won't judge,
Just give a little nudge.
Did that go over your head?
Maybe you need to be fed?

So how about Free,
From little old me.
As in all week,
At Amazon's creek.

16 children's book to view,
All free at amazon's zoo.
So download away,
And be so kind as to leave a review and have your say.

All are above in case you forgot or are new. Grab every single one and give them a view. And feel free to be kind and shout out the free days to one in all if you have the mind. With so many on display which will you pick first at your bay? Now enough of this niceness sass. I am now going back to being a mean little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

The Strobe Probe!

So dVerse is going all picture once more at their shore and the cat just had to share, with each and every lair, the scary sight that is out there. Go out at night if you dare!

Beware the evil stare.
For when you get caught in his glare,
You are screwed.
The alien with the mohawk will give you attitude.

As in shove his instrument up your bum.
It will give off a hum.
I hear it gives off the tune,
To I Did It My Way making your cheeks swoon.

And nowhere across the globe,
Are you safe from the singing probe.
Worse yet it is like a disco ball,
And lights you up at your hall.

You will turn all new shades,
And sadly it never fades.
One day you will be brown,
The next day blue as you go across town.

Oh the misery,
That will be brought upon thee.
If you were to see,
This alien at your tree.

But there is a way,
To kill it at your bay.
I hear it is hard to do,
And has only been attempted by a few.

Sadly they were too late,
And the probe was their fate.
It is something you may hate,
And not something you'd ever put on your plate.

But it has to be done,
Unless you want probing fun.
The cat is even appalled,
As it could make anyone go bald.

In order to kill the mohawk alien at your sea,
You have to go back to Z.
As in what I showed you,
That is right, you have to grab a zombie toe and chew.

Then when he glares at you,
He will be zombified from such a view.
Then just chop off his head,
And that is that, he'll be dead.

So now you know how to kill a mohawk alien with a probe that hums I Did It My Way and turns you all the colors of the rainbow. So which will you choose? Either way you kind of lose. You have to eat a zombie toe or allow the probe to make you all disco. Decisions, decisions for one and all. I hope he never comes to your hall. The cat will try gas if he tries to stick any humming, glowy thing up my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

A Flash I Want To Bash!

Something the cat and Pat really hate across the land is getting snapped with a rubber band. Wait! We sorta bring that on stretching them out at our gate. Back to the task at hand, Something the cat and Pat really hate across the land is getting snapped with a rubber band. Wait! We sorta bring that on stretching them out at our gate. Been there said that? Just had to stress the point at my mat.

A brand new episode of your favorite show,
Is about to be given a go.
You just can't wait.
Not one episode drew hate.

Yeah that is a pipe dream,
But go with it for this rhyming stream.
You remember them all,
There at your hall.

Can't wait to see what happens this time.
Oopsy, they are trying to save a dime.
So now you get a remember when,
Leaving you annoyed as hell at your den.

But now as you grouch,
You have time to get off the couch.
Who cares about that flashback crap.
They just use it to fill in the gap.

Waste of time,
And a viewing crime.
If I wanted to see a flashback,
I'd watch the episode at my shack.

A brand new episode of your favorite show,
Is about to be given a go.
You just can't wait.
Not one episode drew hate.

Yeah that is a pipe dream,
But go with it for this rhyming stream.
You remember them all,
There at your hall.

Can't wait to see what happens this time.
Oopsy, they are trying to save a dime.
So now you get a remember when,
Leaving you annoyed as hell at your den.

But now as you grouch,
You have time to get off the couch.
Who cares about that flashback crap.
They just use it to fill in the gap.

Waste of time,
And a viewing crime.
If I wanted to see a flashback,
I'd watch the episode at my shack.

See, annoying as can be. It can also double for a repeat at my sea. Does anyone actually like flashback crap? Wish they'd be blown off the map. See, annoying as can be. It can also double for a repeat at my sea. Does anyone actually like flashback crap? Wish they'd be blown off the map.Wow, I'm full of flashback gas. I better not go flashing my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Friday, May 24, 2013

It's Friday So Jump Away!

So Anne is always blithering on at her mat something about enjoying your weekend and all of that. For you just never know the way things will go. The cat agrees so he'll send her some party fleas to her knees. Meanwhile I will help out all of you and give you fun things to do.

Pretend your a plane.
Then land on a train.
Or just fall like the rain,
Either way you'll make quite a splash at any lane.

Play chicken with a dragon.
Could even load it in a wagon.
But things could get dire,
Either way you may get set on fire.

De-evolve to your true form.
One that is more the norm.
Put on a tutu to.
Won't that be fun to do?

Be a bit rude,
Play with your food.
Fun things can be done with a weiner.
WARNING! This post is not going to get any cleaner.

Flex those muscles at your sea.
Throw a friend with glee.
Right into traffic I suggest,
It will prove you are the best.


Look at all the ass.
Blah to such a mass.
But if it is your thing,
Go naked bike riding at your wing.

Or you could just pick your nose,
To see if your booger glows.
You just never know,
It could put on quite the show.

Pumpkin canoeing is great.
You could take a date.
Then as it rots,
You get wet lots.

Or forget the food,
Tell the plate it is crude.
Smash it with your head.
That will cause that plate dread.

Or visit skull land.
Would that not be grand?
If you attempt some of these,
You may get there with ease.

Now was that not great? I hope you don't make any of them your fate. But if you are bored and want to listen to Anne, go show your butt, I hear she's a fan. That is all I will say about that mass. You humans are so disturbing to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Don't Budge For It's Time To Judge!

When visiting that other sea, there we see the obsession of great nanny. She watches those judge shows each day, like 4 or 5 of them at play. They are all the same, some this or that making some same old claim. Hmm may have to give that a go too. But first on to the judge shows at my zoo.


They could argue at PeeWee's playhouse.
He'd judge them and give them a good dose,
Of good old big top fun.
Be a worse sentence than death row under your sun.


Judging while you clean.
It wouldn't be too obscene.
Some need a good scrub down.
The winner gets the clean as a whistle crown.


Having been around the block,
A time or ten with his umm glock.
 He could judge away,
And make those pesky divorce cases go away.


No words at all.
He just gives a final call.
Left or right,
That one says good night.


Could call it making whoopi court.
With God as an escort.
Then if guilty is found.
A lightning bolt will give you an extra crispy sound.


Damn! That would just scare anyone straight.
No need to even debate.
You were right, I was wrong.
Then they run away and get along.


He'll whip the into shape,
And get them over their scrape.
And you can bet,
Each one will surely sweat.


You never know what he'd say.
Could sing oh happy day.
Or send you on your way,
With words not even suitable for a porn play.


Scream in their face.
It could be a race,
Whose ear drums go first.
The loser is the first to burst.


But my pick from the crop,
That will sure make the petty squabbles stop.
And save lots of time and money.
Send them both to get eaten some place sunny.

Now wouldn't you watch those over Judge Judy? I wonder if humans create big duty? I suppose he wouldn't care if you were lyin' and many would end up cryin'. Each one is sure in their own class. All thanks to my creative little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Sadly There Are More That Are In Store!

So after the last time the cat had to see if those female humans improved at all with their chime. Sadly, not a one, which works for me under our sun. Don't need Pat bringing home any ball and chain. So let the crazies rain.

I am a arsy person mos days.
So are you lippy under sun rays?
What does an arsy person do,
When they go to the zoo?

Luv forweeling.
Your language just left me reeling.
Plus you want to play in the mud?
Must have been where your head took a thud.

Hoping to real in a reel fish.
Click your heals and make a heel wish.
Damn, now you got me doing it too.
That just will not do.

Beautful an talented an also sweat!
Wow, you will make many hearts skip a beat.
Just to get through your rant,
Makes me want to date a plant.

I enjoy outdoors including movies too.
Do drive ins still exist near you?
Or do you charge your little DVD thing,
And hike with it letting the movie sing?

New to this, which me luck.
You'd have better luck dating a truck.
I'll give you a buck,
To quack like a duck.

I only speak French.
Umm did you get hit with a wrench?
None of your words are French at all.
I guess you talk French and write English on your wall?

Been having the wort dats ever.
How so, when you are clearly so clever?
I mean how could anyone not want to date you?
You sound so wonderful at your zoo.

Trying this out....might be crazy.
At least you are not lazy.
But thanks for the stalker heads up.
I'll go play with a pup.

I go for jail birds, but no bad boys.
What, do they have different toys?
Some dyslexic tendencies there,
Or maybe you like feathers instead of hair?

So as you can see, still all are very scary. I guess they don't know spell check has been invented at their show. Or maybe they have the hillbilly kind just to give them a little piece of mind. At least there is no worry of Pat bringing home a lass which delights my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Some Not So Wise dVerse Cries!

Ever hear a dVerse tale that you believed at your sea? Only to later find out it is a fallacy. While we have all been there and then we grow up, sorta, and become aware. So lets see what we can do as the so called wise speaks to you.

Old wives tales make a sound,
Bringing belief to your ground.
Whoops, you won't turn into a hound,
If you visit the pound.

Inhaling the breath of a horse,
Can cure whooping cough without remorse.
Damn, even if it is rank?
I bet it works to stick your head in a tank.

If cows are lying down,
It will rain in your town.
My what those reguritating grass chewers can do.
But then again few meteorologists really have a clue.

If you sit to close to the TV,
You will go blind at your sea.
Pfffft to that,
I'd surely be blind as a bat.

A howling mutt,
Means someone nearby is going to kick the bucket at their hut.
Wow, that is sure a neat one.
Everyone must be dying soon the way they let their mouth run.

You will have one child,
For every ribbon you break at your wedding shower as you go wild.
Damn, I sure hope the ribbons break at a low dose,
Or you may turn out to be as big as a house.

Don't whistle in the house on any day,
Or the devil will come to play.
My he must have great hearing.
Maybe he just wants to come for cheering?

Hold your breath when a cementary you pass,
Or a ghost will latch to your ass.
Coming home with you too.
I guess they liked being breathed on by you.

Washing a persons clothes on new year's day,
Means death will come to play.
As some time that year,
They will die I fear.

You get warts from kissing a toad.
And why on a toad would you want to unload?
The goat would not have you?
My that must make you blue.

And of course there are a ton,
That can be given a run.
Thankfully I'm snip snip,
So I won't go blind or trip.

Those wives really must have had fun, making them up under their sun. Gossiping humans can create fake stuff with ease. If you scratch your nose you'll get fleas. See I can also do it at my grass with no wives near my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Return of The Scary Mime That Can't Rhyme!

So Cassie and I were out and about when we heard a familiar shout. It was of course that Drazin fool but it seems he had gone back to thinking cat slippers were cool. What a so called god needs slippers for we have never figured out at our shore. But here we went again, with this bald freak who thinks he is above normal men.

"Fleabags, your time has come. Drazin is finally going to have Drazin's slippers. Don't bother running because there is no escaping the Great God Drazin this time."

Cassie sat very smug not afraid of the thug, as she let her tail whack me and I was also able to see. Along came a bus and got between us as Drazin continued to fuss. When it left his view, we were long gone heading back to our zoo.

"Sorry Godly one, but you can't board that bus. You have to wait for the short one."

Cassie could not help but rub it in and Drazin sure wasn't about to let us win. He stole a tricycle from some kid and started peddling while flipping his lid.

"Drazin will have Drazin's revenge, fleabags! You can't escape Drazin."

"Says the grown ass man riding a tricycle. You'd make better time on ice skates."

"Drazin would use them to skin you and make Drazin's slippers."

He was really back to his old ways, which we had not seen in many days. We darted off into a nearby crowd who were clapping really loud. As if this day was not already bad enough, now we saw that damn mime flaunting his stuff. Yep, Darzin was back and shaking things in his women's bathingsuit with his fake rack.

"All can be happy and bright, just walk in the light. Have a big smile and cheer up the vile."

A mime who can only talk in a disguise. Yet all he does is give hippie dippie cries. Why were these idiot humans listening to him? Last time dogs chased him away as things got grim. But we knew how to shut him up without the need of any pup.

"Drazin will spread the peace and love after Drazin takes care of the fleabags."

Now Drazin and his wacko twin were together and going for the win? This could not do, that is when we saw it in our view. Drazin and each silly human had a chip on the side of their head. It was obvious they were being force fed. So it was time to do what we do best, piss of that annoying Drazin pest.

"What do you call a god with no shoes? Royal toe jam!"

"Drazin will turn you to toe jam!"

"Peace and love my friends, peace and love."

That hideous sight was smiling with delight, as Drazin came near us continuing his third person fuss. The rest of the humans crowded around us too, but none of them had any clue. We sat pretending to be beat watching Drazin eyeing his bare feet. Then two humans picked each of us up in their arms, thinking it would raise alarms.

"Any last words, fleabags?"

"When it comes to you we'd be here a year recounting all of your issues, so instead."

I sprang free and kicked the human holding Cassie, both of us got loose and wacked the side of the head of the guy who thinks he is stronger than Zeus. The chip fell to the ground, then Drazin curled his nose up and looked around.

"Remember peace and love my friends, peace and love."

Drazin chucked the drone humans to the side ready to send the mime for a ride. We helped out the foolish humans too, whacking the chips off their head and unclouding their view.

"Drazin is going to make mime slippers."

Drazin grabbed Darzin by the neck and ripped of his fake Drazin suit, every speck. Say that three times fast. Now Darzin was once more a thing of the past. The mime stood there not able to say a word, which is truly absurd. Who needs to copy a third person talking clown and then wear a women's bathing suit, strutting across town?

Out of nowhere that bug eyed creep gave a call. Tarsier Man was going to make Drazin's attempt stall. Not today, we kept him busy with his popping eyes on display. Then when he finally put them back in going for the win. He saw there was no one to save. Drazin was gone with that clone mime, hopefully sending him to an early grave.

We strutted away, leaving the nut to go save some other bay. Maybe Zombie Man will eat him. Just a thought on a whim. So just another crazy day as we were out and about from our bay. Who knows what other tales will come to pass from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Ring The Bell It's Time To Sell!

It seems, which is no surprise, you humans will sell anything whether it is nailed down or flies. But some really take the cake as in the dough they try to rake. Some are also really sick in the head and should never even get out of bed.

Look what I have for sale!
It will make you wail.
So hit the trail.
I need help to pay my bail.

Elderly parents going for cheap.
Can even be bought by a creep.
Willing to consider trades in lieu of cash.
Get here fast and make a quick dash.

I have two kids ready to go.
Yeah, who cares if i'm a sicko.
They are $4000 each.
Damn! I went to jail for being such a peach.

I'll sell you a part of me,
How about a kidney?
$100,00 bucks gets you one slightly used.
It's barely been abused.

Britney Spears used gum.
It's been chewed and then some.
Be the first to hold it in your hand,
It will only cost 14 grand.

Get your UFO detector today.
Right from Amazon's bay.
It will keep the probe away,
Allowing you to have a nice day.

Shatner passed a kidney stone,
Through his old bone.
And it went for 20 grand.
My, humans are idiots across the land.

Oswald's first casket is up for sale,
Someone clearly hit the third rail.
Paying 87 grand for an old smelly box,
Probably with rotten locks.

A grilled cheese,
If you please?
Wait! It has the face of the virgin Mary.
28 grand it will be, don't be contrary.

And for a mere $3.26,
Even if you live in the sticks,
You can buy the meaning of life.
I'm sure that would impress your wife.

All are actual things people bought or tried to sell, further proving many humans are going to hell. I'll sell some fur for a wig? A big hole I will dig? Heck, I'll just sell some petrified crap that looks like some famous chap. I'll get bills in mass just for something that came out my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Exploiting The Feline Is Crossing The Line!

Have you ever noticed at every sea how they are obsessed with cute pictures of the kitty? They show them here, they show them there. They are around every friggin' lair. Now the cat isn't complaining about that. For it just shows the magnitude of the cat. But we are being used and the cat feels so abused.

Car accident kills ten,
Cat jumps on dog in den.
World is going to explode,
Cat goes into hyper mode.

War on Planet Nimrod.
Cat fishes out a cod.
Serial killer on the loose.
Cat makes friends with a moose.

Woman jumps from roof.
Cat pulls a goof.
Couple drowns in lake.
Cat predicts an earthquake.

Notice a pattern yet?
If you're slow don't fret.
Yeah I know cats are grand,
Even noticing a shift in the land.

But we are used as a magic trick.
As news sites think they are slick.
Look at the cute kitty doing this and that.
Forget about the killer bacteria on your doormat.

We told you the truth,
You were just too busy looking at the cats of Ruth.
She has twenty or so,
All lined up in a row.

How could you refuse to look?
Who cares if such and such plastic faced actress became a crook.
With that long of a headline,
You'll have to go for the feline.

Wait! You mean you clicked on that story?
That is just far too gory.
Whoops, how did that get there?
A cute cat popped up, I was so unaware.

The spirits are calling out to you.
Click on the cat in your view.
Forget the other stuff.
That will just leave you in a huff.

So just take the kitty,
The world ending is such a pity.
But fido and fluffy running around,
Fighting over some dirt mound.

It really is a sight to see.
So go and watch with glee.
I bet Fluffy beats the hound.
Don't forget to turn up the sound.

See! Pat even exploits little old me.

So you see how we are used so much by you? We deserve a royalty or two. You humans take all our dough as we put on the show. That is just rude. No wonder the cat is crude. Or maybe I just like the sass that always comes from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Drown The Remake In The Lake!

The cat had to do this for remakes cause me no bliss. So I can rant away here at my bay about the stupid things. Stupid studios need to cut the remake strings.


Trick or treat,
It smells like feet.
Meaning that it has such wit,
It is complete shit.


Hire a stripper,
Whether or not you are a tipper.
Guy or girl,
Way better time than giving this a whirl.


God awful in every way.
Go all Jumanji and throw it in a bay.
Not worth taking it even if they pay you.
You'd have more fun watching a cow moo.


Pathetic is the right word,
For this turd.
Flip it the bird,
Stupid and absurd.


In for a delight,
If you watch this fright.
You will go comatose,
Or something close.


Another pathetic attempt,
Nothing is exempt.
Avoid it in your hood,
Instead have a conversation with wood.


The other guy from American Pie.
Will make you cry,
"I can't believe I watched this shit."
Yep, you'll swear at it.


Let's remake a movie and make it the same.
Oh so very very lame.
Plus Farrell is in it,
Which just makes it shit.


And one that was actually good.
Different, yet similar in likely hood. 
Basically just stole the name and the place,
Actually giving it a bit of a new embrace.


And another that is great.
Two, wow such a remake fate.
Although depressing at the end.
Still one should hit send.

And that is all for today as there is way too many bad ones to put on display. Remakewood needs to learn something new and shove the remakes up their gazoo. I didn't count superhero ones though. Even stupid Spiderman and its same old same old show. There sure are crap remakes in mass and all annoy my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

My Eyes, My Eyes, I Don't Want The Booby Prize!

So the other day, yes day, not night at my bay, we were going about the floor as I was pestering Cassie and Pat at our shore. Then I was through and a nap had to come due. I so wish I had stayed on the couch and never noticed Cassie's wagging tail as she peered out the window in a crouch.

There I was about to have a snooze,
When Cassie ducked down like she had gotten in the booze.
She gave a little growl,
So once more I went on the prowl.

I climbed the cat tower,
Being my usual meower.
I talk no matter where I go,
That you should already know.

So I grabbed the curtain and pulled it back,
Trying to find what caused Cassie's growling attack.
A car? A bird?
She wouldn't say a word.

She just gave another growl,
That is when I heard a howl.
My ears perked up,
And my eyes expected to see a yappy pup.

Oh how I wished for dog drool,
Even the rear end of a mule.
Instead I got a blinding sight,
Something that shouldn't be seen even in the night.

A bare naked ass,
And all the other features of a human lass.
What is wrong with that you say?
Even if I am snip snip at my bay?

The car I mentioned before,
Would probably have an easier time fitting through the door.
My head began to bob,
I could not believe the sight of such a blob.

If she didn't move around,
You'd think nothing in the window was found.
Yeah she took up that much space.
She could run her own three legged race.

And as I stared at this wall,
I can tell you no nude sun bathing was done at her hall.
So much junk in that trunk,
That she'd scare gay a monk.

Now my eyes are forever burned,
And one thing I sure have learned.
Cassie is a pervert,
And that lass would need extra large sheets if she was ever to convert.

One for each bun,
As she could block out the sun.
Cause an earthquake if she tried to run,
Alright, now I am done.

You want to be the size of a house or the size of a mouse, fine by me as it is your choice at your sea. But for the love of God, pulls the curtains so no one can see that thing you call a bod. Such is the life of crummy apartment dwelling. I hope I didn't scar you with my retelling. Maybe next time I'll get a picture of the lass so all can live in the misery that has come to pass for my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

No Longer Fret When You Reach Out To Pet!

A while back it was mentioned about things not to pet. Some of them you know, I bet. But others maybe not. So the idea needed to be given the old rhyming hot to trot. Of course the cat strayed away from the really obscene. Have to keep it sorta clean.

The obvious is here,
Unless you want to lose an ear.
Then pet away.
But you won't have a very nice day.

Don't pet the dynamite,
Or in one quick flash of light,
You may be spread on the wall,
And go bouncing down the hall.

If this comes into your view,
Don't pet it at any zoo.
If you really must I guess,
You can go ahead and press.

As creepy as can be.
But don't pet to see if it is real at your sea.
Then the eyes may pop out.
That's enough to make you shout.

Even if something died there.
Don't pet it at your lair.
Might get fleas,
That bite your knees.

Don't pet the little guys.
For even in a santa disguise,
They will attack you,
Turning you black and blue.

Don't pet the cray old man.
For he will surely become your fan.
Then follow you home.
Now you'll have a peeping lawn gnome.

May look nice,
But surely think twice.
For you may begin to sneeze,
Coming away with some disease.

It isn't really a mutt.
So don't go petting at your hut.
Unless you want a good lick.
Then you might think it rather slick.

And never ever pet the blubber gut.
You'll get cracked like a nut.
And lose your face,
From its blubber embrace.

Now wasn't that a scare? At least a few at my lair. So the cat made sure you knew, what not to pet should they come into your view. Of course if it is your thing to lick people and such, you may pet a bit too much. See not too crass, like showing a bare naked picture of my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, havea fling.