Friday, May 3, 2013

A Joke Or Ten At My Den!

So after visiting John's for a while the cat thought he would try the joke mile, or rather Pat did. For they don't really rhyme and that flipped the cat's lid. But Pat can't rhyme anyway, sucky human at our bay. So away we go as a joke or ten decides to flow.

Want to cause a war? Start a new religion.
Or maybe kill a pigeon.
You know those birds lovers would be up in arms,
And hit some fire alarms.

I have come to find, the bigger ones job title, the more lunch breaks they take.
All can give a head shake.
They seem to go to the loo more too.
Many are full of it after all at their zoo.

I feel for every newborn, they are surrounded by prying eyes and are too wrinkly to give a hateful facial expression.
After such a goo goo session,
I'd have to whack someone in the face,
Especially if they try and embrace.

If rush hour moved as fast as my grandmother when she has to go, there'd be no need for a car horn.
Imagine that being born.
New York without a horn honk.
They'd probably still give each other a head bonk.

With nerve pain even before you go out the door everything is already a pain in your ass.
I say that with class.
And with no gas,
As it comes to pass.

Gluten, the substance cancer cells are made of.

Even to a dove.
Don't you want to spread the cancer love,
As in the mouth you shove.

Lately my version of getting lucky is the cat missing my penis as he jumps across the bed.
Oh what comes out of Pat's head.
Bad choice of words,
I'll go chase some birds.

Fund the economy, create a new disease.
Just go and give a sneeze.
Then there you go,
Money for the rich at their show.

Great healthcare comes at a cost, you have to be mute and go to a vet.
That is a safe bet.
May stick a thermometer up your bum,
But at least most aren't dumb.

I am going to wear an umbrella hat. That way people will stop telling me the weather and just assume it's going to rain.
Be nice to board that train.
Do I really need you to tell me the weather,
When we are standing side by side together?

So there was Pat's attempt at a joke or ten here at our den. Fun to give a try as the skills are stretched under our sky. But he still doesn't have the skill of the cat at all at our mat. Feel free to sass my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

100 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. As I was typing I realised my mistake but didn't want to become second so it was something I'd have to make. On a serious note since this is a pretty serious post actually I am in full agreement of so many things that you say. The last one is a bit of a joke though and funny too because I actually own an umbrella hat! Maybe I should throw it on for work today just for good measure haha.

      Delete
    2. Yeamie, yeamie, he's our man
      He just went with it and ran

      What do you think happened to Hank?
      Maybe he's chained up in the dungeon of the castle.

      Delete
    3. Hank is really off this week, even the ones who can't spell get first

      Delete
    4. A mistake is fine
      Still first to visit the feline
      Hank must have took another trip
      Hope he didn't throw out a hip

      Delete
  2. ha. john def has the skills
    not that your jokes make ills
    true story man, my son was having his temp
    taken at my moms and i walked in and asked her
    why she was using the rectal thermometer
    now thats funny, ha...um, and work on that
    lucky thing...lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ew.
      I hope she disinfects at her zoo.
      ha.

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    2. hahaha agree with you twin
      Sure needs to disinfect at ones bin
      And yeah working on that
      But not many that aren't crazy around my mat

      Delete
  3. The getting lucky one is rather funny.
    Crap, do they race to hit first on your blog as well? During the Challenge I was waiting for mine to implode.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah can be quite the show
      As away they go
      Looking for number one
      And the cat doing that is no fun

      Delete
  4. Who's the jokster in the room
    Rhyming words, now add a tune
    The one I like the very best
    Is healthcare and the mighty vet
    They know the body like a map
    Make allopaths look like a sap
    When you take pat to the doctor
    Ask him for a colon procto(r)
    You'll be in for a big surprise
    His fee will fit your wallet size.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I meant Pet ... not pat ... but it's actually funnier with Pat....(maybe not to Pat LOL)

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    2. hahaha don't need things stuck up my rear
      That just surely causes fear
      And yeah the fee is even worse
      Whether the hand is in or out I'll still curse

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  5. I am off inventing a new disease and getting rich! I love John#s one liner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha give me a kickback though
      For the idea at my show

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  6. I always wonder why people in fancy business suits can take those 2 1/2 hr martini lunches. And, hope your "luck" changes real soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah and still make 100 million a year
      Lets hope some new luck draws near

      Delete
  7. The best one are those that ring true, nicely done, to bad with the luck though

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah damn luck
      That surely does suck

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    2. Well John, for better or for worse, you're officially one of the gang now.

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    3. Prob worse
      But no one should curse

      Delete
  8. Your definition of getting lucky made me laugh
    Good thing the cat gives your ahem a pass
    For that would hurt like hell
    And cause the neighbors to hear you yell

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Once or twice he did not
      That can hurt a whole lot haha

      Delete
  9. Damn that is quite the rotten luck, could be worse though, at least no 100 pound dog hopes across the bed

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that is true
      It would slobber too

      Delete
  10. These are funny. I like the baby and fund a disease the best. Maybe. For now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha glad it was fun
      As I gave them a run

      Delete
  11. I could definitely use an umbrella hat
    we've had rain, more rain, and lots like that!
    My dogs are so small that they wouldn't hurt you
    if they jumped on the wrong place at your zoo!
    (And that's the truth!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even small with the right force behind each
      They could get curses if came in reach haha

      Delete
  12. yeah, wear the umbrella hat!
    but don't forget your sunglasses with that!
    lol....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that would be a fashion statement at my sea
      Then all would avoid me

      Delete
  13. Blabber really scarred you, didn't she? You have to have your horn at the ready, Pat. It's the only way to survive on the Island. Along with some hand signals.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah Blabber is scary indeed
      When driving with her take heed

      Delete
  14. Good ones!!!

    Especially, "how to start a war".

    Ain't it the truth. -sigh-

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The root of most war
      Next to greed at ones shore

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  15. a new religion? George W. Bush knew how to recycle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm I suppose that works too
      With his fallacy that came due

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  16. My favorite is the one about the economy and disease. Scare everyone into getting a new vaccine when they sneeze. That will make some cash, even if nobody yet has a rash. I hope you continue to get lucky, that would be quite ducky!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it is so pathetic indeed
      As away they go thinking they are in need
      Yeah lets hope so
      Here at my show

      Delete
  17. I smiled, I laughed, I made a face.
    What a bunch we are...this "human race"!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha hope no one saw the face
      Especially if you looked like an alien from outerspace

      Delete
  18. Dropping by with a hello.
    For my friend the rhyming fellow.

    ReplyDelete
  19. That nerve pain thing really explains a lot Pat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha it is very true
      Hate it at my gazoo

      Delete
  20. Like the idea
    'Umbrella hat' -
    can prevents
    from all that bad.
    (spitting, raining,
    snowing, overheating)

    also maybe let some space
    to fly and land
    on the surface...

    Just remember
    while in hat
    you can sleep
    like horse -
    NO BED!



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There we go
      Puts a stop to the cat at my show
      And no more hopping
      If things start cropping haha

      Delete
  21. Some of these jokes where a little funny,
    Might have been better if they were more punny.
    OK, that rhyme was cheap and silly,
    Better than another one about your willy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha well you did sort of give one
      Or at least mention the willy under by sun

      Delete
  22. Loved your version of getting lucky, and a baby's problems with being embraced all the time are real from what I hear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they prob are real
      Such a rotten deal

      Delete
  23. This was brilliant Pat and I've really come to like John. I'm glad you two met and introduced us all to him. Yeah, the one on luck was the best, but I don't think he had you in mind when he wrote that line.

    I can't rhyme today as I'm too knackered. The weather is great here and I've been outdoors mowing and weeding for days.

    Kitty Fang is so happy. She's killing loads and loads of birds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah was fun to do
      As I came up with each line in view
      The cat one is sadly very true
      He ha done it a time or two
      Cassie doe not at all
      She is nicer at our hall
      Gardening away
      There at your bay
      And no more snow
      Fang must be running to and fro

      Delete
  24. I guess the cat gives a whole new meaning to getting lucky in bed. Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah he sure does
      Should make him chase fuzz

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  25. Cats have skills...they never miss. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They sure have aim
      That is a true claim

      Delete
  26. orlin N cassie; grate jokes guys...de cat in de bed iz priceless

    N uz cats can relate ta de pain in de assess coz R moms familee be fulla asses

    dum asses... smart asses... lazee asses...stooooopid asees.... shitz asses... N jack asses....N knot all de "jack" asses...bee boys !!

    hope everee one haza grate week oh end !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is quite the amount of asses
      Let's hope they never all at once pass gasses

      Delete
  27. LOL at what came out of your 'head'
    The cat here really loves my bed
    To me it is a sign of luck
    Because 'round here's there's no getting...struck
    By the luck of a man who wants to...be mine.
    So I take the male attention, even from a feline.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha good way to look at it
      Although not lucky at my pit
      Obvious reason and him being a him
      That just makes things grim

      Delete
  28. It was nice to go light again today
    Yesterday's post left me in such dismay
    Better to know and get on with the show
    Than never to learn about the burn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I do a rant
      Every now and then at my plant
      But then back to form
      As fun is the norm

      Delete
  29. Umbrella hats exist? I didn't know that. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've seen a few
      They are tacky too

      Delete
  30. I'm going to get an umbrella hat, too, and put it on the next newborn I see, so he doesn't have to look at all those prying eyes, and so we don't have to look at his shriveled face!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha two for one
      Great way to do it under your sun

      Delete
  31. The bigger the job title - you are so right.
    Open the blinds. The weather's a sight.
    Oh the things you share at your zoo.
    Can't help but laugh, when they're all too true.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah such a pain
      To listen to people say the weather at their lane
      When they are right there
      Fun in the truth can be had at my lair

      Delete
  32. I didn't know about umbrella hats
    but creating a war and disease sure takes the cake
    I would rather not know what is missing as the cat
    jumps across the bed at your mat ~

    And I just saw a cute baby today, ha ~

    Happy Friday ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha drool over it did you
      When it came in view? haha
      And Pat had to share
      The cat tried to stop him at our lair

      Delete
  33. Wear your umbrella hat upside down,
    When next you wander 'round your town.
    It'll surely cause all to think...
    And give the birdies a place to drink.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that is true
      But then I'd get covered in pigeon poo

      Delete
  34. En mi tierra los sombreros paraguas lo utilizan los caballos...jajajja


    un saludo

    fus

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Err um okay
      I'll nod and agree at my bay

      Delete
  35. I bet a new religion could for sure start a war.... Even the old religions seem to be involved in wars over the years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep those and greed
      To war they lead

      Delete
  36. Pat in the Hatt
    Umbrella hat
    How about that
    Sell such a hat in the UK
    So much money coming your way...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would be grand
      Leaving me rich in my land

      Delete
  37. Is there a dating site for people who own/are owned by cats?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha not sure on that
      All I find is crazy anyway at my mat

      Delete
  38. New York City without horns? How would a New Yorker sleep?
    Lucy from Lucy's Reality

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm may have to put a tape on
      That has a horn honking all night at their lawn

      Delete
  39. I think a lab in China actually create some new crazy strain of bird flu for whatever reason.

    Be careful of what you wish for.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha figures the would create such crap
      Gets loose and wipe us off the map

      Delete
  40. Dang Cat; why did you change your lair while I was out on repair? (Hehehe; I suck at rhyming)

    I missed ya'll while I was out, my life was so humorless. I am glad to be back. Thanks for showing me the blog love :)

    ......dhole

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was missed you say
      That is so nice at my bay

      Delete
  41. A joke or two at your den
    oh wait I meant ten
    you always make me smile
    so that goes miles
    as it brightens my day
    so that is why I come
    back to play..
    seems this clever cat
    could catch a good mate
    Give it a try make a date
    it's never too late...
    Spring is in the air have a fling

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Crazies are all that surround
      Where we are found
      A spring fling
      Isn't worth the stalker thing
      Maybe one day
      I'll find a non crazy at my bay

      Delete
  42. Luring to be last.
    What a blast.

    Peace ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least you can claim
      Last to your name

      Delete
    2. And then Jyoti stopped by
      And made me cry.

      Delete
    3. haha can't even win
      When you try and lose at my bin

      Delete
    4. A sin
      That last you can't come in

      Delete
  43. One of the best from you pat..
    m sharing it with all my friends :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad it was grand
      Thanks for sharing it across the land

      Delete