Friday, May 17, 2013

Drown The Remake In The Lake!

The cat had to do this for remakes cause me no bliss. So I can rant away here at my bay about the stupid things. Stupid studios need to cut the remake strings.

 

Trick or treat,
It smells like feet.
Meaning that it has such wit,
It is complete shit.

 

Hire a stripper,
Whether or not you are a tipper.
Guy or girl,
Way better time than giving this a whirl.

 

God awful in every way.
Go all Jumanji and throw it in a bay.
Not worth taking it even if they pay you.
You'd have more fun watching a cow moo.

 

Pathetic is the right word,
For this turd.
Flip it the bird,
Stupid and absurd.

 

In for a delight,
If you watch this fright.
You will go comatose,
Or something close.

 

Another pathetic attempt,
Nothing is exempt.
Avoid it in your hood,
Instead have a conversation with wood.

 

The other guy from American Pie.
Will make you cry,
"I can't believe I watched this shit."
Yep, you'll swear at it.


 

Let's remake a movie and make it the same.
Oh so very very lame.
Plus Farrell is in it,
Which just makes it shit.

 

And one that was actually good.
Different, yet similar in likely hood. 
Basically just stole the name and the place,
Actually giving it a bit of a new embrace.

 

And another that is great.
Two, wow such a remake fate.
Although depressing at the end.
Still one should hit send.

And that is all for today as there is way too many bad ones to put on display. Remakewood needs to learn something new and shove the remakes up their gazoo. I didn't count superhero ones though. Even stupid Spiderman and its same old same old show. There sure are crap remakes in mass and all annoy my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

110 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Up to five
      How long will your streak survive?

      Delete
  2. Those are some stinkers! The Wicker Man was almost my first choice. Cage in a bear suit. Enough said.
    Thanks for participating in our blogfest!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that was the biggest load of crap EVER
      Nothing about it was clever

      Delete
  3. Remakes may only rekindle memories
    But no surprises and less excitements
    Your're right, just give them a miss
    Go for more suspense with some new ones

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some new ones may suck
      And steal your buck
      But at least you haven't seen it before
      So even the new sucky ones are better at any shore

      Delete
  4. I've seen two of the originals, none of the remakes, and now thanks to your review, I don't have to (see any of the do-overs). Thx for saving me some time. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never see a do over
      Better off playing with rover

      Delete
  5. ugh...its keanu reaves,
    he can do movies that will give you heaves
    and did you know that they are bringing back pointe break
    for heavens sake, geez, how much blood can they squeeze from a rock, no big shock

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, his crap
      Will have you heaving all over the map
      Heard that one too
      As well as gremlins coming due

      Delete
  6. Thank you for your review. Considering I have never even heard of masterpieces like The Fog and The Mist, I'm sure I can now rest easy at night knowing I didn't waste brain cells trying to figure out why in the hell someone would even think those would be worthwhile.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes you are surely saving your mind
      This shit is worse than anything that comes out ones behind

      Delete
  7. Thank you cat for your review
    From your words I'll take my cue
    With Rosey then I do agree
    Movies I won't have to see
    Your words do entertain me more
    I'll talk to wood upon the floor.
    LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha much better to do
      Then this crap in view
      Toss up between seeing yesterdays lass
      And her big ass
      And this garbage I think
      Both bring me to the brink

      Delete
  8. Oh yes The Fog filled my brain with smog
    The Wicker Man was so bad it should have been banned
    But Total Recall I was actually a fan
    After all it had Kate B, and that's always a plan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah Kate
      Is hard to hate
      But Farrell helps with that
      He's hated by the cat

      Delete
  9. I love your pics! Not the movies, but you know what I mean, lol ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I know what you mean
      As they are obscene

      Delete
  10. Not a great fan of remakes!
    Most often ONCE is enough!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, one and done
      Should be it under any sun

      Delete
  11. I have not seen any of these movies, or their remakes. One movie that I saw with a lot of remakes was The Longest Yard.

    Here in India, there are many languages, so a lot of parallel film industries. When a movie becomes a hit in one industry, sometimes people from a few others try to copy it. Normally comic, sometimes a bit pathetic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah the copy is pathetic most times
      Really brain crimes
      Making us watch such crap
      Never fall for the remake trap

      Delete
  12. Consider these all banned from my abode;
    of crap, you've hit the mother lode!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep crap abounds
      With these it surrounds

      Delete
  13. How could Russel Brand be compared with Dudley Moore as Arthur?
    I really enjoyed that film, Russell Brand isn't my brand at all.
    Yvonne.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah he is pathetic as pathetic can be
      No Arthur he can ever be at any sea

      Delete
  14. Dawn of the Dead was an awesome remake. I still get freaked out by the part where the zombies pull open that chute thing and go after the dude across the street. Haven't heard of the Mist, but I'll put it on my list!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah both of those two were good
      Dawn of the Dead has been watched a few time in my hood

      Delete
  15. I did not see a single one of them, I won right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You win
      Saving brain cell at your bin

      Delete
  16. the problem with film remakes is they often don't really remake anything besides the basic plot of the original film. The new takes are almost always terrible.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep that is the problem indeed
      Just a new face with the same thing on every movie feed

      Delete
  17. I believe producers have run out of ideas,
    and since they can't buy some new ones at Ikeas,
    they try and remake some decent oldie
    into a new movie that will bring them a "goldie!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ideas there are some that have a few
      But they will never get in view
      Because whiny ass actors want millions of bucks
      The greedy ummm ducks
      So they have to use the same old crap
      To try and make their money back from some silly sap

      Delete
  18. I loved the creative way you posted this. And I have to agree, the Total Recall remake was just shit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep big load of crap
      Better off taking a nap

      Delete
  19. I didn't see most of those you choose
    But at 'Arthur' I did turn up my nose.
    The superhero remakes are pretty sad,
    Except for the new Batman, which wasn't too bad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep turn up my nose too
      To any remake that comes due

      Delete
  20. have seen none of these..and sound like they're def. not worth watching them...ugh...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah avoid them all
      There at your hall

      Delete
  21. I haven't seen a single one!
    I guess that makes me lucky under the sun!
    ha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, lucky you are
      There at your bar

      Delete
  22. Cage has gone so far down hill he'll never get back

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never ever
      Not that he was super clever

      Delete
  23. Nothing to say...
    Haven't seen them
    at my bay..
    and won't to see
    after such critique..
    where did you,Cat get the time
    to take a peek?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I watch a ton
      Even some I wish I never gave a run
      Not so much now
      As many I just raise an eyebrow

      Delete
  24. Not only are these new to me
    But the originals I did never see
    Can't think of a remake I like
    Maybe because I'd rather be on my bike :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah much better to do
      Then watching a remake in view

      Delete
  25. Oh, you've got some really terrible remakes on there. Some were so awful I'd forgotten about them. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha hard to forget the awful crap
      Stuck in my mind so away I yap

      Delete
  26. My conclusion is not hazy:
    Filmmakers are getting too lazy.
    Instead of fresh and fun,
    They make a damned re-run.
    "Why not?" they say. "It worked before.
    Easy-peasy, we'll earn lots more."
    But what they forget, what they don't know
    Is that a redone "great" may really blow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah a bunch of shit
      They rather have as a hit
      To get more dough
      Even if their films blow

      Delete
  27. Looks like more bad than good in your hood!

    Thanks for the review of my Grouch book on Smashwords. I really appreciate it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep bad is all around
      And easily found
      No prob at all
      Owe you a few at your hall

      Delete
  28. Aww poor Colin Farrell haha. I don't know him personally but I imagine that he spends his time dwelling over the endless bad reviews all the films he's "starred," in have gotten, especially that God-awful Total Recall remake. Some truly terrible ones in here Pat and I agree with every single one of them, especially the Conan one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hate that guy
      He can fry
      At least his movies can indeed
      They stink up the movie feed

      Delete
  29. I agree! Definitely hate remakes. Disney is doing it too. Like, how many times can we see Cinderella, but with a different cast? Please get some new material!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Disney since Walt passed away
      Is and only ever will be about $$$ at their bay

      Delete
  30. Hate re-makes. Willie Wonka Vs. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: Keep Gene Wilder, ditch Johnny Depp.

    The Mist--scared me, which never happens.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes forgot that one
      That one sucked a BIG ton

      Delete
  31. Dear Pat, I seldom get to the movies and so I never see remakes and the truth is that I wouldn't go to a remake of some of the classic films I've seen. Why try to improve on perfection? Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True indeed
      Trying to improve on it is stupid at any movie feed
      All about the greed
      Why we get the remake lead

      Delete
  32. You were too KIND to some of them, Pat!

    best wishes,

    jean

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha well had to keep it sorta pg
      Here at my sea

      Delete
  33. i only like remakes when I've never seen the original:)
    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah then at least you don't know
      What you are missing when you give it a go

      Delete
  34. pat, orlin N cassie we noe what ewe meen
    when godzilla in new york hit de big screen ( 98 )
    mewvies beginning we said this shuld be swell
    mewvie wuz over we said WTF and oh hell

    hay, hope everee one haza grate week oh end !!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha yeah the same here
      Really annoyed my rhyming rear
      What a load of crap
      Should blow it off the map

      Delete
  35. Haven't seen about half of these.
    Disappointed by the one with Keanu Reeves.
    The Mist was a remake? I don't recall.
    I totally agree about Rollerball

    Lee
    A Faraway View
    An A to Z Co-host blog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah Reeves can't make much good
      At any movie hood
      Yeah there was a mist before that
      And rollerball sucked flat

      Delete
  36. Plus Farrell is in it,
    Which just makes it shit.


    Shit doesn't even come close to describe his acting, Pat. My granny had more screen presence. Miami Vice? Give me a break. Total Recall? I don't think so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Minority report and the recruit
      Were the only two worth any loot
      Everything else is complete and utter trash
      Never ever give the new world a flash
      One of the worst movies ever
      Nothing about it was clever

      Delete
    2. 'Nothing' I think is still way too much
      It's a movie my blue fingers will never touch
      But I'd step on it, stamp on it, burn it like an ant
      It's bad for my heart so I'd better stop this rant.

      Delete
    3. Not even good enough for that
      Can't even be shit on by the cat
      For it already stinks to high heaven
      Give it to the psycho in Seven

      Delete
    4. So it is shit, no longer poo
      With a movie this bad
      It's all you can do.

      Delete
    5. Yeah shit works well
      As nothing about it was swell

      Delete
  37. I LIKED Total Recall! :) :)

    but from the others shall I steer
    my movie eyes very very clear.
    so much crap upon the screen
    we need ARNIE to wipe it all clean.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Terminate them all
      No I'll be back on the wall

      Delete
  38. Well, I obviously don't watch enough movies! Though, considering your opinion of most of them maybe I do! I have not seen ANY of these (terrible, I know) but I have seen Shawn of the Dead. And I highly recommend it if you like gross and silly. And I sort of do. Have a great weekend Pat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah you watch enough if you avoid this crap
      Shawn of the Dead was good and should be given a lap

      Delete
  39. All of them seem to lose something in the remake!! Well more than something... they lose a lot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they lose everything it seems
      Except for the name it streams

      Delete
  40. MOL! Anyone for seconds?!?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha not a chance
      That is my stance

      Delete
  41. They did a remake of Halloween?
    Or is that the one I've seen?
    I don't know
    It's the only one familiar, tho.
    At any rate, I agree with your take
    It's the worst crap I never saw
    Doing remakes should be against the law.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep they remade halloween
      Was crap on the screen
      And I raise my paw
      To making them against the law

      Delete
  42. Haven't seen most of these movies. Thanks for the heads up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never watch them at your sea
      They will waste life away from thee

      Delete
  43. They should never, never have remade Arthur! Travesty!

    ReplyDelete
  44. No one of the these movies is on my list,
    Though I did a sneaky watch of Arthur while he was pissed
    Not heart warming or funny, not stood the test of taime (said like his nanny)
    Just tired and lame

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah not one to really watch any time
      Such a movie crime

      Delete
  45. The day earth stood still was in a lot of lists today, and usually in the worst part. Good I didn't see it. Thanks for participating!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is where it deserves to be
      Crap no one should see

      Delete
  46. Never did get the wicker man, and Conan, Ugh. Your choices for worst were excellent. Crap is the word!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Crap is the nice word
      They deserve to be flipped the bird

      Delete
  47. Haha, yeah, there are so many bad remakes out there. ><

    ReplyDelete
  48. I haven't seen a single one of these.... :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And that is a good thing
      At your wing

      Delete
  49. Leave Farrell alone you bully:D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He stops making trash
      And I won't bash

      Delete
  50. Replies
    1. Best you say
      Have ha better at my bay

      Delete
    2. And hey: you chose wisely in my blog's best/worst contest, and you're invited to claim your prize: flowomiles AT hotmail.com

      Delete
    3. Winner am I
      That is nice under my sky

      Delete
  51. Most entertaining post for the blogfest for sure!! :) I haven't seen a lot of these movies. I had Total Recall on my list as well. But that one wasn't QUITE the same as the original, story-wise. I mean, no Mars!!! And no probe out of a nostril!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it was a bit different I suppose
      But still caused me woes

      Delete