Thursday, July 18, 2013

A Fart Apart!

So way back during the A to Z here at my sea we did fun names for Pat during the letter P. One that seemed to cause many glee, was Fartin' Martin on display. So you know I had to use that again at my bay. But I did not want to stop there and so A Fart Apart came to my lair.

In a town far away,
They do more than just roll in the hay.
Each year they have a contest for the best fart.
It takes place at the local Fart Mart.

The contestants this year are top-notch.
After reading this you may think Pat got into the scotch.
For Fartin' Martin isn't the only one,
Getting in on the farting fun.

Chipper Ripper is the one to beat.
Mass Gas loves to roam the street.
Gassy Lassy was sure she'd win.
Wind Breaker was all in.

The five of them were all ready to fart.
But they had to wait for the judges to start.
The three judges were the best around.
Smelly Ruth, Crappy Chap and Squeal Mark were the judges to surround.

Did you know there were so many ways to say fart?
You can find them all at Fart Mart.
So join in the fun,
And sniff away with everyone.





Click here to have a peer.

Yeah, it is probably Pat's most juvenile book ever but you know many kiddos like the farting endeavor. So what the hell. The tale of the fart he had to tell. Maybe one day you will win the Stink Stank Stunk award for pulling the rip cord. Don't get shown up by that gassy lass. That is all from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

101 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. So close, yet so far
      You don't win a mouse or a car

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Looks like you know
      Your 1 didn't glow

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. haha yep that's why it had to be done
      Under my sun

      Delete
  4. It's not just the kids who think it's funny. I've seen grown men rumble w/laughter over such maneuvers as well. Why on Earth it's funny, I'll never know, but it makes me laugh that it makes them laugh... and pooey (pun intended) on not getting the coveted #1 spot today. Props to Hank. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's shared Rosey
      Just you and me
      Both at 7
      That's even!

      Hank

      Delete
    2. haha yeah I've seen grown men do it too
      I smirk at my zoo
      Not sure what makes it funny though
      Unless you get enemies together in an elevator and let one go

      Delete
  5. If this isn't a hit with the kids, don't know what would be

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they like such things
      Have to think kiddie at my wings

      Delete
  6. What a start, a farting apart
    A real contest to set a mark
    Can they live up to it
    For quick farting repeats
    Tummy controls needed not just luck

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah need much
      Like gassy food and such
      But then a delete
      Maybe come from a repeat
      As they feel a touch

      Delete
  7. Whoop-de-doo for you,
    as long as there's no follow through!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think kids would like this book
    within their nooks.. see you only
    need to mention fart and they fall
    apart with much sought after
    laughter..as it floats to up
    to the rafters, so if you are
    after laughter then the fart mart
    you should go..it's filled with
    gas, but I think I'll pass
    because I might need a mask...

    haha - have a good day at your bay...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they seem to go that way
      As I see at many a bay
      So figured what they hey
      I'd go even more childish at my bay
      Come what may
      As long as long as doesn't create a display
      Not up to the task
      And need a mask? lol

      Delete
    2. Did somebody say fart?
      I'll buy it for I'm a kid at heart.

      Delete
    3. haha never would have guessed
      Glad you confessed

      Delete
  9. Well, yes, my 9 1/2 year old grandson would get into this book....but, ha, he also doesn't need any more incentive! (What is it about this age boy???)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha at that age
      Farting is all the rage
      Not sure why
      I guess they just like to let em fly

      Delete
  10. Hahaha farts are always hilarious until the dreaded shart!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that causes no glee
      But you know its coming when they are juicy

      Delete
  11. Be careful of the "wet ones" LOL
    On second thoughts, why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it!?
    Writer In Transit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have a good point
      There at your joint
      But whether you taste it once or twice
      It is still going to pay the waste price

      Delete
  12. Kids will double up with glee
    To hear about the farting spree
    Each name simply takes the cake
    Pearls of laughter it will make.
    Stand aside kiddos, open the door
    Even parents are going to roar

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, had to be done
      Under my sun
      As farting sells
      Should get some yells

      Delete
  13. Smelly Ruth? Why not Smelly Meli?

    I say this because my wife's name is Meli, and she absolutely hates being teased with that. So... since I value my life, I never told you this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha should have told me a little sooner at my sea
      Then I could have put it in and got you murdered or hung from a tree

      Delete
  14. dude...i am like #35 today, say i guess i should not sleep in, so let me start by breaking wind...i used to have a friend, well he was my dads friend, who could whistle a tune from his bung, no joke, but dang itd make you choke...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha well that is original indeed
      Although one would have to take heed
      With nose plugs galore
      Yes, you are way down but still beat your twin to my shore

      Delete
  15. Not feeling up to rhyming today Cat, but I did pick up the book. I'll pass some gas while I read your rhyming sass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't blame you
      With all the crap at your zoo
      Thanks for the read
      When passing gas take heed

      Delete
  16. Ladies don't fart do they? When I was at my sickest point, I had gas so bad that all day long I was farting. My Brother in Law had a fart machine and when we were together with my sister and Husband, he would use this fart machine every minute or two. My Husband thought it was me because I had been having gas so bad. Damn worms!!!

    I no longer have gas.... hardly ever. I can even eat beans and not be gassy....
    Your book sounds like a fun book. I will tweet it later ... unless I can figure out how to do it on this iPad. Dang... I am so useless on this thing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha oh I have been there
      When screwed up fully at my lair
      Gas galore
      Took months to get rid of it at my shore
      But mostly gone at my zoo
      Not fully though like you

      Delete
  17. This post stinks...

    ...or something. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stink stank stunk
      Has some kind of funk

      Delete
  18. Mass Gas and Chipper Ripper! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha they can pass that gas
      Just like Gassy Lass

      Delete
  19. Fart went apart,
    Gone with the wind,
    Flying thru history
    Fools and the kings.

    Fairy tale stories
    Tell how to fart well,
    Yoga's inquiries
    Suggest fart for health...

    Cograt with 'Fart apart'!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm never knew that about yoga at all
      I guess I'm ahead of the game at my hall

      Delete
  20. Knowing kids, this was probably one of your best sellers. Bruce Coville mentioned five magic words to sell children's books: fart, poo, underwear, oh, I forget the rest, but you get the idea.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2013/07/wordless-wednesday-hueys.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah those are the words to use
      As kids surely find they amuse

      Delete
  21. Great book Pat, we think it passes the smell test!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hopefully not a lot of smell
      To overload your cell

      Delete
  22. Kids and Farts
    Go together like
    Lipstick and Tarts.

    Lord that was so wrong and it only happens when stretching for a ryhme and that is how I am blaming you for my mind :)

    Lucy from Lucy's Reality

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha that is so wrong
      But fun and could make a song
      But yeah I go there too
      When a rhyme needs to come due

      Delete
  23. Fart Mart.. that will be an epic place to visit :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. May stink too
      Don't say I didn't warn you

      Delete
    2. Nose plugs on sale
      To help with the tale

      Delete
  24. What I'm wondering about the Fart Mart
    Is how I tell it and my local WalMart apart?
    Just kidding...but only a little
    Excuse me while I go buy some Skittles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha Skittles could make you go
      And have a fart show

      Delete
  25. Fart mart, I think they might need some air freshener.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Need more than that
      At the fart mart mat

      Delete
  26. Farts are it!
    Farts are the best!
    Farts are shit
    without the mess!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unless you squeeze
      Unless you sneeze
      Then what you think a breeze
      Makes you clench and freeze

      Delete
    2. Then, if try for a little "squeaker"...
      in a coy kind of "Fart Dance"
      What surely makes you meeker
      is crap in your pants.

      Delete
    3. And if it flows
      May strike a pose
      For down it will go
      On the floor it'll show

      Delete
  27. hahah...oh the smell on your page today.....yikes..ha...smiles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah there is a stench
      Some one through in a monkey wrench

      Delete
  28. Tee hee hee! Almost sound like the names of some of the cycling teams on the MS-150!!! LOVE the new header!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cycling teams named after scat
      Shaking the head of the cat haha

      Delete
  29. conga ratz two ewe pat on yur new book...a fart festival...bet everee one haza gas !!!

    meowloz orlin N cassie.......start yur Christmas wish list earl lee, yur dad's gonna bee rollin in de dough with this one :) !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If that is true
      We'll have a list ready to come due

      Delete
  30. Does it come with fart smelly stickers? ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That could be an idea too
      Here at my zoo

      Delete
  31. Rip Roaring Snapper
    Smelly Ruth not on the crapper
    arse silently open
    not facing my ocean
    phew is all I can say
    another brilliant day


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha a brilliant trend
      Can come from the rear end

      Delete
  32. Thought I'd seen everything until I read your book
    Now I can truly say I've seen everything at your nook. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha oh wait a while
      I'm sure I can come up with other things as I go the rhyming mile

      Delete
  33. Haha, I bet this one will be your best selling book!

    You have writing about the fart
    Down to an art.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just have to get it out there
      Which is the hardest part at any lair

      Delete
  34. Nothing that kids love better!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not at all
      The fart is top at every hall

      Delete
  35. Why do kids think farts are so funny?
    Let one rip and a bad day turns sunny.
    Probably the only thing to top a fart.
    Is talking about poop and making it art.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah they enjoy
      The fart ploy
      Crap too
      My what body functions can do

      Delete
  36. Love the new header
    Fanned with a feather
    Those cats have it made
    In the shade
    As you rhyme on
    Sitting down
    Of fart
    I will have no part :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha pretend as you might
      That you don't do it at your site
      And yeah enjoy the header too
      As I am in charge of the zoo

      Delete
  37. Another book
    I'll take a look
    Fart for fart's sake
    The smell you make
    What the smell
    I can tell
    What you do
    Is a warning of poo....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah a little gas
      can bring a mass
      But i have no class
      With my rhyming ass

      Delete
  38. Fart mart would be a new name for Wally World

    the people there are swirled

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha swirled and brown
      With a frown

      Delete
  39. Kids sure love a good fart! My 9 year old daughter has the farting app downloaded onto my Kindle that she gets a kick out of playing with all day. So ungirly, but what can you do? She loves the farts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha didn't know there was a farting app
      Can get anything across the map

      Delete
  40. Geez Louise, did you cut the cheese?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Was it me or you
      Either way smells like poo

      Delete
  41. I'm sure this story will go over great with kids in elementary school :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yep, that was the idea at my sea
      As farting works with each kiddie

      Delete
  42. This is by far one of the funniest posts I have ever read on this blog, despite it being the sound it makes when I am on the bog! A fart apart as the title and the FART, MART have me laughing so hard right now, you have no idea Pat, why do I find this so funny???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha not sure why
      But find it funny too under my sky

      Delete
  43. Kids and farts go together like drinking and darts.

    ReplyDelete
  44. And as adults we still laugh aloud whenever the discussion, but especially the scene in a move prompts it!

    So kids and adults will love it!

    Lovely header!

    ReplyDelete