Thursday, August 29, 2013

The Wild Card Makes Them Die Hard!

So after watching that atrocious piece of horse manure Die Hard 5. The cat did not know how brain cells could even survive. Indiana Jones 4 was as awful as can be. But this sunk to a whole new craptastic level and caused no glee. 6 is on the plate too. So I knew I had to help them out at my zoo.

So you have him,
who's acting now a days is very very very grim.
Can't even call it that.
Better acting comes out of the cat's scat.



And then you have this.
Forget the aliens as they cause no bliss.
If we went with the probe.
Another turd would be shown across the globe.

Instead McClane goes to visit LA.
Where Holly is announcing a new array.
Nakatomi has created a big statellite thing,
To mine asteroids at some space wing.

Of course today is launch day.
John sees something astray.
He gets on the ship,
Gives the bad guys some lip.

Kills one or two.
Then is shocked at his view.
When he goes to get off the craft.
He finds he's up the creek without a raft.

As in, now he is in space.
And has to protect the human race.
For the new terrorists who took over the ship,
Want billions of dollars or they will let their finger slip.

They installed a death beam on it.
And if governments don't comply they are in for some shit.
Of course they try nukes and such.
But it doesn't help much.

Instead McClane is on his own.
With just a super hi tech phone,
Talking to some space flight tech at his work place,
With no other stupid sidekicks to embrace.

Then he has to take them down one by one,
Even as they blow up some town under the sun.
Finally he gets them all,
And now he has to steer the thing back to Earth's hall.

He crashes it into the ocean.
Swears and says he hates the flying motion.
Then crawls out saving the day.
Or maybe he just drowns in the bay.

See, if only they listened to the cat, we would get no trash at the movie mat. Instead we get garbage and more trash, that does leave one with a bad rash. is the cat good or what? See what happens when you don't sniff a butt? Of course he would talk crass and not be all damn or darn, which just annoys my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

80 comments:

  1. Maybe he'll go down with the ship instead?
    Finally watched this last week. A blogger buddy of mine, Ted Cross, was an extra in the film, so I wanted to catch him. Shame I continued watching...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that would be fine
      Then no more down the line
      Yeah it was horrible crap
      Surprised I didn't take a nap

      Delete
  2. Crashing into the ocean can't be fun
    but at least it is a soft landing
    Better than crash landing on land
    or reverse crash landing into the sun!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The sun you would fry
      And just die
      The water is as hard as cement when hit from a height
      So either way one will see a bright light

      Delete
  3. Oh well, at least Bruce still looks hot. That's all that really matters.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll let that be your thing
      At your wing haha

      Delete
  4. Good Morning,

    I haven't seen this one under my sun
    but, you know Bruce would carry a gun
    as he goes all outlaw saving the day
    landing in a blue bay, I guess it's
    better than a pile of hay..(lol had to you know)
    I think most just go to watch him
    even if it is a bit grim, glad he can swim

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uggg don't ever watch that crap
      Better off running a lap
      And yeah that is true I guess
      They watch him in one big mess

      Delete
    2. Thanks for the tip I won 't waste my time
      But, you know Bruce made well for himself
      from bartender to Moonlighting to Die Hard. Writers need to be more creative I have to wonder what caper the cat would write..oh wait he wrote Murder at Rhyming Time..and that was a hit still laughing over that post.

      PS sequels are just a way to make money...whether good or bad..glad we have you to let us know the score..

      Delete
    3. Yeah he did well for himself indeed
      He was once fun to watch at the movie feed
      But now turned into a bit of a douche like all
      At the hollywood remake hell hall
      The cat would be original at least
      But then they would shun the rhyming beast
      For as you say
      All about the pay

      Delete
  5. Okay it wasn't good but it wasn't that bad!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pfft watch #1 then watch that
      It went splat

      Delete
  6. I saw it back in February when it came out
    Horrible mistake, I wanted to shout!
    I loved the first 4
    But they shouldn't have made any more
    Maybe they'll stop someday
    When they do, I'll say yipee-kay-ay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They shouldn't have made any more
      Nothing else they need to explore
      Waste of money even if it costs a buck
      Run it over with a big truck

      Delete
  7. Not seen it, I'll wait till it's the movie of the week and nothing else is on. Sometimes they just overdo it! Saw Olympus Down, or some such title and it was an almost exact copy of Die Hard - with a few tweaks, and most likely better than Die Hard 5!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha anything is better than Die Hard 5
      Aliens could prance naked in a bee hive
      And it would beat that
      Avoid it at your mat

      Delete
  8. dude...i wonder if hollywood has run out of original ideas at points, they rehash insanity---lets kill off the sad heroes already so they have no need to sequel the stories into oblivion, and just call it done...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha with that I agree
      Go on a killing spree
      Get rid of them all
      But then they'd just remake them at their hall

      Delete
  9. sequels should be banned
    all across the land!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First ban remakes
      The toss the sequels in lakes

      Delete
  10. Vicarious I live my life of all the things you write
    I might as well be Edison, go out and fly a kite
    I know not what is bad or good of all the films out there
    Thank you Cat for telling me so I don't seem so square.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah stay far away
      From such a display
      But don't fly a kite
      On a stormy night

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. Yep, 95% of cases that is true
      When they come in view

      Delete
  12. As a fan of the first few, I can't bring myself to watch the newest one. I just know it'll crush my soul.

    And I love your movie idea. Attach Michael Bay to direct and add tons of explosions and BOOM you have a box office smash!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It will crush your soul
      So not watching is the goal
      AWFUL hunk of shit
      Michael Bay will at robots to it haha

      Delete
  13. It isnsuch a shame Hollywood can't stop at one...of anything!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, even things meant to be one
      I.e. the hangover gets a ton

      Delete
  14. Things they do to keep things alive
    Where big bucks to be made they strive
    Sequels or not
    Whatever the lot
    Call it whatever, so it is Die Hard 5

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It should be called crap
      More fun catching the clap
      Avoid the trap
      Fill the gap
      With a nap

      Delete
  15. sequel sequel sequel

    though it could be worse

    prequel prequel prequel

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Remake remake remake is even worse
      But for all I'll curse

      Delete
  16. Sounds like
    a crime
    come from
    someone's behind.

    Can't believe
    they did this
    it would give
    me fits.

    This sounds like a bloody horror. Really they should have stopped with number 1. Rarely does a sequel outdo the first, let alone running them into the ground like this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was one of the worst things I have ever watched at my zoo
      If Indiana Jones 4 was poo
      Then this is the maggot offspring
      At the movie wing

      Delete
  17. buahaha, I stopped watching when two was so bad (to me it was anyway). One was AWESOME, I can't believe it went on such a downward spiral after that... gah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Two was amazing compared to this crap
      Should be blown off the map

      Delete
  18. I have only seen the first movie. I guess I should count myself lucky to have missed the rest!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, the way to be
      You are very lucky

      Delete
  19. Sounds waaay better than the last one!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha anything can beat that
      Even a litterbox using cat

      Delete
  20. I have to totally agree. The franchise has now hit rock-bottom. Willis is just interested in the paycheck and it is clear he has no real affinity for acting any longer. (check out what Stallone concluded when he said "no thanks" to Willis being in the next Expendables.) I hope they don't get the money to go through with Die Hard 6 If they do, it she be called: Die Already!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yep Die Already they should call it
      For it has truly gone to shit

      Delete
  21. Sequels are better than prequels.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Toss up when they are that bad
      But I agree at my pad

      Delete
  22. orlin N cassie...thiz iz why we stik ta watchin garfield re runs....like 300 bazillion times :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good thing to stick to
      There at your zoo

      Delete
  23. When will it stop?
    At #20 or five hundred and two?
    I haven't spent a dime on this series
    And for that I'm not at all blue.
    I agree with JustKeepinItReal, though.
    Bruce Willis looks hot, for a man of 90 or so.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha turn the nine upside down
      And you'll be in his age town
      First has to be seen
      The rest no need to put on your screen

      Delete
  24. The original Die Hards were incredible but they're just spoiling the series by continuing to make more and more, they need to stop, your proposal for the next Die Hard storyline made me laugh so hard though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha yeah they really need to stop
      Liked my alien death drop haha

      Delete
  25. Not a single Die Hard on my shelves
    But you'll find all the Indys amongst my elves
    Loved Independence Day
    And all but first and last Star Trek play
    Love Star Wars until the prequels hit
    Now I'd rather sit and knit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah those prequels were trash
      Indy 4 left a bad rash
      Independence Day was fun
      Never gave many Star Trek a run

      Delete
  26. After No. 3/which I watched with glee/I thought "Die Hard" had had its day/but no, it never went away! :-(

    Back from my real-life hols now in Shropshire and doing my blog-round! :-)

    Greetings from London.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it had it's day
      And should have stayed far away

      Delete
  27. I didn't watch any of those...NOT A ONE!! I guess I didn't miss anything.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The first one you did
      The rest away you should bid

      Delete
  28. I knew about three but didn't get a chance to see.
    I had no clue there was a four,guess it was a horror?
    Shocked to hear about five but not surprised it is taking a dive.
    But,what in the world would make them try for six,just more ick!

    Lucy from Lucy's Reality

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geez out of the loop
      At your coop
      But didn't miss much at all
      After three had its call

      Delete
  29. Wait... This is what really happened in the movie?

    I at first thought you were joking. He was in space?

    This is Die Hard, not Armageddon, right?

    But isn't it okay because we looooove Bruce Willis?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha no that was all made up by me
      Never happened at any sea

      Delete
  30. Really, Die Hard in space??
    Oh my, what a disgrace!
    The first one was best
    Get rid of all the rest :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. With that I agree
      The rest can buzz off like a bee

      Delete
  31. Replies
    1. Should have indeed
      Instead of making my eyes bleed

      Delete
  32. They never know when to stop! And yes, "they" should always listen to their cats!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cats are wise
      Humans have the brains of flies

      Delete
  33. We LOVED Die Hard
    Cause that Bruce Willis
    really knew the way
    to thrill us!

    But now we're done--
    there's no more fun.

    Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they sure suck
      Now one is outta luck

      Delete
  34. Whoa, are you serious? Space? Die Hard? Space?

    *shrugs*

    What is this world (or space) coming to.

    Peace, I'm out.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Seems like Bruce Willis
    Goes all willy-nilly
    Though it's still due
    Thanks for the review
    Feels like giving it a shot
    Would be taking a lot

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it would be taking a ton
      If you see it run

      Delete
  36. The first one was good, they should have stopped there.

    ReplyDelete