Tuesday, October 1, 2013

A dVerse Narration At My Station!

So it is getting the time of year when everyone likes to strike fear. So the TV will show movies not so dVerse, many of which are rather perverse. But they all have one thing in common at least, which is the nature of the horror beast.

Look it's a scary movie.
This thing has to be groovy.
Let's sit and watch.
I bet this one they don't botch.

This will different than the last ten,
That we watched at our den.
You just wait and see.
It will be sure to surprise thee.

See what I'm talking about?
The teenagers do a twist and shout.
Humpty humping all over,
That would make one a jealous rover.

They sit and stare instead of run,
Then they scream when they are done.
Instead of running on first sight.
Plus look, they even turn off the light.

They all think they are so cool.
Then they wet their pants, oops I mean drool.
Watch as they run and they trip.
Then on their back they do a flip.

Instead of getting back to their feet.
They lie there screaming in defeat.
They don't even move at the sight,
Of the weapon that is a fright.

Not one single solitary inch.
Like they lost the ability to flinch.
But that is okay because their mate,
Got away to go on another date.

Then another humpty hump comes due.
Actually more than a few.
They even forget to lock the door.
Also a window is open at their shore.

A big target is now on their back.
Sit and wait as the psycho goes on the attack.
Look he stabs them in the middle,
As they play hey diddle diddle.

Plus they are all good and drunk.
Never looking in the backseat or the trunk.
Wait! Damn it, this is the same,
All these movies just have a screaming dame.

There you go, I just saved you lots of time at your show. Now you know how it will flow. You can find them all up in a row. The same rules apply to each lad and lass. Not so scary to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

109 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. It's now # 48
      Without a break!

      Hank

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. Careful Hank, watch your back
      Waffles is up early, out of the sack
      48 so close to fifty
      To get there would be nifty

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    4. Waffles may have it in
      For you at my bin

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    5. Thanks Manzi
      Fifty sure is nifty

      Hank

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    6. Fifty it may be
      Here at my sea

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  2. Replies
    1. Beaten again by Hank my friend.

      On a blog related note I really enjoyed this look at horror movies Pat, I guess that this is the month for spooky things which I have nothing against because it takes my mind off how dark and cold it is going to be now Winter's having its wicked way! Love that there's just 58,000 views to go until it's one million at your show. Ticking ever so close!

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    2. Both at 7.00
      Considered even!

      Hank

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    3. Yeah getting ever so close
      To a million at my house
      Not sure what I'll do
      But we shall see at my zoo

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    4. wow so close

      one second too late and the record is froze

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    5. So close yet so far
      Here at my bar

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  3. Scary movies can obviously sell
    For excitement's sake it casts a spell
    They enjoy such skits
    They seem to like it
    But others will just say what the hell!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm with what the hell
      Where they dwell
      Such a load
      The horror mode
      Same old tell

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  4. I love to watch those hot babes with their boobs bustin' outta their shirts and their skirts ridin' up their ass bite the big one after the psycho stabs them right in the cleavage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They get what they have coming
      Hmmm that could have two meaning if they were err umm chumming

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  5. Those kinds of shows and movies are so lame. Why is it so hard to do good horror?
    And in your header, your shirt looks like a Star Trek uniform. Good thing it's not red!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it doe seem hard to do it indeed
      Just cheap crap one ones feed
      Heard that a time or two too
      Randomly happened at my zoo

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  6. ha. we have a rule, no humpty hump without the door locked, as i dont want to shock the random burglar coming in with fear, for then i have to dispose of the body and that can be messy...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that could be messy indeed
      Good idea when you do the deed

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  7. A slashy knife and squirty blood
    It flows so red and makes a flood
    But all I think of it's a fake
    The movie suckers are at stake
    Over a body, the director says cut
    And another yucky film in the same old rut

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is all
      That comes to the movie hall
      Saw 50 or whatever
      They aren't clever

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    2. I will be behind the couch.
      Silent as a mouse.

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    3. If the cat thinks you are a mouse
      He may chase you around the house

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  8. Horror is what the month is all about - and yes all these movies have a formula that apparently works!

    Happy Halloween Month!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can't watch scary movies anymore. But why do the blondes always have to fall and scream? Grab a big stick and fight!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah kjinda lame
      Guess they just want to welcome the maim

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  10. So often the theme is quite the same
    I find scary for the most part lame
    I do not seek out this kind of thrill
    for me they travel all downhill
    I'd rather watch the computer screen
    than watch another scary scene!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they are lame
      Most anything with horror in its name

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  11. They say if you've seen one scary movie you've seen em' all
    But they still make me cautious when going down a dark hall

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that is good I suppose
      To stay on your toes

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    2. Some are unique though - like The Conjuring
      And now retreads, like the third version of The Ring

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    3. Yeah there are a few here and there
      But not when at Saw 50 you have to stare

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  12. I think most movies are scary bad these days!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hahahaha! Great topic, Pat!
    For great laughs I always turn to you and cat!

    It's truly funny how when the eerie music starts to play,
    those teens always tend to freeze and stay -
    in one spot.

    Or how they always want to have sex in front of the villain,
    who by near and far and the good Lord willin'
    has himself had sex a lot - NOT!

    Or how when chased they run upstairs to flee,
    Not really understanding the mystery
    of gravity.....

    If he's on the stairs, you stupid clown,
    how do you plan to get back down?

    And the girls always run away alone,
    invariably slipping and breaking a bone,
    And while laying there just crying,
    entertaining thoughts of horribly dying,
    the eerie music starts again to play,
    and monster emerges in such a way
    amidst dark shadows as if to say
    "Boo. I got you"

    Then buries an axe in her chest
    and moves on to kill the rest.

    And we just sit there eating popcorn.
    Frankly, I'd rather be watching porn!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha well some of it is scary porn
      Like the monster being born
      They always seem to do the stupidest thing
      Like to their spot they cling
      Too dumb to turn and run
      Let's watch the scary guy kill someone
      Scream and shout
      Then give a little pout
      Now he is done
      So we'll decide to run
      When he can run after you too
      Idiots, the whole lot, in a horror view

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  14. I'm a chicken and can't handle horror films, and why oh why do they always go looking around the dark scary corner? I would run the other way screaming like an idiot for anyone and everybody to help, not screaming after the fact.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah they always have to look though
      You never know, a magic helpful fairy could show lol

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  15. The only thing that scares me now is reality TV, now those are Humpy Dumptys!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah those are scary in every way
      Need to be taken off every display

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  16. I'm rhymeless today Cat. I've never watched a slasher film. I saw part of the first of those Halloween movies and didn't think much of it. It's all formula written isn't it? The same story over and over again, but each time with a bit more blood and gore. I like old time monster movies and although they are lame, they don't pretend to be great film.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah they are the same thing every time
      Some stupid little crime
      Some stupid guy with a knife
      Some stupid teens lose their life

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  17. The one's that always make me cringe
    are those where someone shouts
    "Let's split up!"
    duh, he gonna find you all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah stupid indeed
      Much better together instead of turning into bad guy feed

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  18. Don't like scary
    movies
    better - with fairies

    ReplyDelete
  19. Gave up horror movies years ago
    Couldn't stand watching the same old show
    It's never a surprise who will live or die
    So I told them all bye bye!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The way to be
      And you know you aren't scary
      When the halloween nazi refuses to watch
      Must drive them right for the scotch

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  20. Fiddle-de-doo, fiddle-de-dee.
    Scary movies don't scare me!
    I don't watch 'em with pounding heart,
    Or squeeze my eyes shut during the gory part.
    Nope, they don't fill me with a sense of dread,
    Or make me afraid to go to bed.
    Nope, screams, blood and guts, they don't scare me,
    'Cause I wouldn't be caught dead watching that kinda movie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha one way to avoid
      Falling in such a void
      And getting paranoid
      About a killer named Lloyd

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  21. Oh, how I hate when they trip and then lie there screaming. Get up! I always shout at them. But, Nooooo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah they just stay down
      Yelling at the scary clown

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  22. ha - no scary movies for me - you should see me if i watch one...i LIVE them... i'm a bundle of wrecked nerves - i have lost a pound of weigth once they're finished... sweating ... just saying...ha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha wow you better avoid then
      Unless you ever need a diet at your den

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  23. I still can't watch them. Prolly the biggest wimp you've met, but I claim that title proudly. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha a big wimp you say
      I'll have to use that one day

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  24. Thanks for saving me from having to face the scariness.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I always wondered why the killer walks so slowly, but always catches the victims... who run.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He can magically teleport
      Or has his own escort?

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  26. This is my favorite time of year, I watch horror movies all month long.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha there are 30 that are watchable you say?
      Maybe so at ones bay

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  27. Dear Pat, I've never seen a horror film except back in the 1950s when 3-D came along and there was a fame famous at the time. Since then, I've avoided horror because I'm one big scaredy-cat. I seem to put myself in the situation I'm viewing and I freak out. At least that's what happened at that 3-D movie some 60 years ago. You certainly caught the whole milieu of one! Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha maybe 60 years changed things
      And you can watch one at the movie wings

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  28. orlin N cassie.....

    noe mewvie bee mor scaree er than ree al a tee...we see R mom getta outta bed, we screem N run, we see her get in ore outta de shower, we pazz out frum fright, we see her tryin ta look... knot scaree....we laff :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha horror movie each day
      Good thing she scoops your litter tray

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  29. Horror movie month?
    you won't be watchin' I have a hunch. :)

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  30. These movies try to build suspense,
    but the kids in them have got no sense;
    the obvious way to avoid these unwanted frights
    is to not go to the haunted castle on dark and stormy nights.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that would be a plan
      Avoid the masked man
      Don't go out in the dark
      Or go somewhere and park

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  31. That's about it. Lots of humpty humping and drool!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Schultz can relate
      I bet at your gate

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  32. I like your rhymes and the horror movie poem is a delight and awesomely written piece. :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. I think the twins are addicted to scared movies and of course Im not and they always want I see the scared movie!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha addicted you say
      I guess nothing scares them at your bay

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  34. I think you have summed up the horror flicks
    you caught on to some of their cheap tricks
    maybe, some people just need a scary fix
    but, really it's always about the same conflict
    the movie producers do think they are slick
    horror movies are not for me, none I would pick

    These would bring me fright, then I would need a night light..hahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suppose they do
      Need their view
      Of something scary
      Or rather hairy
      To me they are kinda lame
      All the same as they maim
      A night light you say?
      Guess no scary movies will come on display

      Delete
  35. I actually don't watch those kind of movies ~ But I do agree that some of them are pretty much the same plot & ending ~ Happy Tuesday ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't watch them much any more
      Also at my shore

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  36. For the most part, you are right, but there is an exception in sight. Zombie Land ain't for fools, just look at all the rules. If all those other folks did a double tap, there would be much fewer of them to zap.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Zombie land was great
      But not super horror at any rate
      Comedy too
      Which other than Scream most horror movies don't indeed to do

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  37. You summed the movies up so good, I always wonder why they just stand there like wood, when there is danger all around, I guess their brains can't be found.

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah brains were checked at the door
      As a haunted house or graveyard the explore

      Delete
  38. Our pet peeve is building to a climax then someone slams a door or makes some other loud noise. What a cheap shot! And then there are the people who can't run without falling, or who leave doors open for zombies et al to get in. But then, without stupidity, there wouldn't be a plot. Some movies like Zombieland excepted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah the stupidity is key
      As the fall when they flee
      Zombieland is the exception indeed
      That was really good at the movie feed

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  39. When it comes to scary movies, almost all of us go through the fear-acceptance-denial phase. In normal things, denial comes first.

    Loved this line: Then they wet their pants, oops I mean drool.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The opposite there
      I guess we are more aware

      Delete
  40. Every scary teenage movie
    Things are never groovy
    They get stuck in the dark
    Nowhere to park
    Then comes the bad dude
    Acting so crude
    The car wont start
    They get torn apart
    Only two survive
    To stay alive
    In time for part two
    How do you do
    Stuck in the dark
    Nowhere to park
    More high-pitched screams
    And bloody spleens




    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. About the size of it
      As they have a fit
      Stuck in a dark pit
      That isn't well lit

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  41. This Hank & Waffles Show
    Is nearly as funny as your flow
    Thank you for eliminating my need to see
    Anything at all this season on TV
    Who has time to watch anyway
    With all going on at my bay!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah you have to ride away
      Each and every day

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  42. They sit and stare instead of run,
    Then they scream when they are done......
    I don't watch those kind of movies..something that I don't enjoy..but cool write :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I don't watch them much
      Same old same old and such

      Delete
  43. I watched black swan last week and that was enough horror/yuck for me.

    I need my happy endings in movies and some explosions if possible!

    ReplyDelete
  44. Replies
    1. As long as no nail
      Comes to make me wail

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  45. Horror movie ~ no can do!
    They're far too real ~ can't make it through.
    "Alien" was the last for me!
    Nothing like big sharp teeth to make me flee!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That one was good indeed
      But aliens need to feed

      Delete
  46. If I watch a horror movie, it better be believable and scare the crap out of me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha not many of those
      As the crap grows

      Delete
  47. Oh, thank goodness. I don't like those movies and now I can watch something that will let me sleep at night. Wonderful, Pat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Watch something to get some sleep
      Sure works at every keep

      Delete