Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A dVerse Santa Affair At My Lair!

Today for dVerse we find Santa is perverse. He got his ho ho ho on and really proves he's a con. I suppose you are confused? Let's see if the cat can keep you that way while amused.

Gunafu of Color happened upon our path.
The weirdo was once more bringing wrath.
He wanted all to be white,
Even places with no snow in sight.

While he was confessing,
He said Santa gave his blessing.
So he took his magic brush,
And away he began to mush.

Gung and Ho showed their face.
Tarsier Man joined in on the race.
Drazin even watched from afar,
Waiting to hit them with his car.

We did not believe him.
Everything white would be a grim.
Sky, sea, buildings too,
All as white as the loo.

As long as it is clean.
But we'll skip that scene.
Then came a jolly sight,
It looked like Santa alright.

Tarsier Man stretched his ears,
Ready to leave Santa in tears.
Gung and Ho found their guy.
But he whipped them and made them cry.

Drazin seemed to have had enough.
He was also ready to get rough.
Santa must have gone insane,
Then we noticed Gunafu of Color petting his candy cane.

So many images there.
We'll leave them to you at your lair.
Drazin and Tarsier Man had to stop this fool.
Candy cane touching was uncool.

Tarsier Man gave off an energy wave,
Giving Santa a close shave.
Drazin threw Ho at him.
Making things even more grim.

He tripped Gung as he went to help.
Gung landed on Santa with a yelp.
Even the fat guy was no match for his size.
Gung squashed him like we do house flies.

Gunafu of Color tried to run.
But he knew his white world was done.
All year it would not look like snow.
Drazin literally made him eat crow.

Then dropped him in some yellow snow,
Made by, well you know.
He smashed his magic stick,
And that did the trick.

The weirdo crew went their own way.
With a flat Santa still on display.
We went and buried him though.
Litter should never show.

Even flat he was too heavy to put in the trash.
Plus he would have made a splash.
Was it the real Santa though?
If no presents come due, I guess you'll know.

The loons all came back. It has been a while at my shack. That just popped in and went with it at my bin. Hopefully no one touches your candy cane that you don't want to at your lane. Much rather have green grass than any of that white stuff near my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

91 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Congrats! Truedessa!
      Te door was left ajar.

      Hank

      Delete
    2. Today, number one
      under your rhyming sun
      but, Hank gave it a run
      We both tried, is it a tie

      Delete
    3. Hank walked the plank
      His streak sank
      And finally at the top
      Had to be up early at your shop

      Delete
    4. A candy cane will never be the same
      now that I have this image in my brain..
      hope the real Santa is still near
      ready to steer his team of reindeer..
      flying in a clear sky bringing cheer

      Delete
    5. haha no more candy canes for you?
      A little rubbing is ewww? haha
      Oh what pop in
      Here at my bin

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Hank, that was a close one,,,

      Delete
    2. You're so thrilled
      I know how you feel
      Been there done that
      To that I raise my hat

      Hank

      Delete
    3. #2
      Poor you
      Tomorrow is another day
      All are out to get you it seems at my bay

      Delete
  3. If the con Santa was bashed and pulverized
    It would win mean success, to them a prize
    One may be deceived
    No presents received
    Tough luck for the real Santa must be revived

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The real one
      Would surely run
      Of just put them to sleep
      With some magic as they weep

      Delete
  4. oh no, that would be sad with no santa at my show,
    but what power it would take for the belly like jello bowl that shakes
    to be made flat (i hear the jolly mans pretty fat)
    and yellow snow to boot, better than brown, which smells like a toot

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah beats the brown
      There at crazy town
      Gung is really fat
      So he could squash him flat

      Delete
  5. Petting his candy cane?
    Getting kinky at your lane!
    A new twist on Santa for sure
    I hope he still comes thru my front door.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was the first thing I was going to say in my comment. Filthy minds think alike :0:

      Delete
    2. haha knew you'd go there
      At my lair
      Had to be done
      Hopefully the petting was fun

      Delete
  6. I knew there would be yellow snow in there somewhere.
    Yes, the petting of the candy cane could go several directions...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Several directions
      Standing erections?

      Delete
  7. A world without Santa would be a sad one indeed
    What about all the GI Joes and Barbies that the kids need?
    I hope Tarsier Man and Drazin didn't kill the real Santa
    Because this year I asked for a case of Fanta

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geez you are cheap
      There at your keep
      A few bucks for that
      And you are happy at your mat

      Delete
  8. Oh my god, you buried Santa in the litter box?
    I'm surprised the jolly old elf didn't out fox
    Who will drive the sleigh with Donner and Cupid?
    Hire a skinny Santa and he will look stupid
    He has to be rotund, say Ho and be jolly
    With a big candy cane or he would be folly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The poor guy is toast
      At least he didn't roast
      Just lost in the box
      I let him keep his socks

      Delete
  9. He smashed his magic stick?
    Why that is just sick!
    A poor old dog.
    with a broken Yule Log.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least the dear old chum
      Still has a plum
      Or maybe two
      Didn't look between me and you

      Delete
  10. When Santa is crying

    elves are sighing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Elves get a break
      Or in other things they partake

      Delete
  11. Well he did tell me to sit in his lap earlier today so maybe you're right. I don't know!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol a perv indeed
      Bet if you sat there you' see santa was in need

      Delete
  12. Dear Pat, I do hope that it wasn't the real Santa who was squashed because I'm so hoping for a Christmas gift or two from the North Pole. And I must say that unlike you, I'd like some snow. Living in Minnesota for 38 years I came to love the white fluffy stuff! Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doubt it was the real one
      That would be no fun
      You can have my share of snow
      Gladly send it to your show

      Delete
  13. 'Tisn't Santa that needs
    flattened, but hordes
    in shops
    fattened with lust
    for goods that
    don't matter and
    eventually will bust.

    Nice to see the gang back again, but yeah that candy cane image is a bit provocative.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol board the train
      Of the candy cane
      Had to be done
      As the gang had fun

      Delete
  14. Well I saw a lot of Santas in the mall over the weekend ~ Plenty of them out there this time of the year, I guess ~ Have a good Tuesday ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hope they weren't like the one above
      Then in the litterbox they'd need a shove

      Delete
  15. There's a lot of Santas running around... you just never know what drama might abound. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah some could be naughty indeed
      Wanting much to take seed

      Delete
  16. A flattened Santa? That's no win.
    Gifts are bound to be super thin.
    I'd give mine to an Olsen twin.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What about the other one?
      Does she get none?

      Delete
  17. One santa to avoid, may make the kids paranoid

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh, I hope it wasn't the real Santa. I am still looking forward to my presents. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL maybe he sent them in advance
      So in the presents will prance

      Delete
  19. That candy cane won't be getting any action now

    ReplyDelete
  20. Santa defeated by Tarsier Man, make a great book

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That it may indeed
      Who knows what will occur at my feed

      Delete
  21. ugh..no fun being squashed like house flies... and i hope it wasn't santa to whom this happened at your shore..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha maybe it was maybe not
      Either way now he isn't so hot to trot lol

      Delete
  22. They'll be touching of the candy canes....

    ReplyDelete
  23. a Christmas poem to my liking :D nice one!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One that all can like
      With my xmas hike

      Delete
  24. Well, give that Santa some mouth-to-mouth,
    'Cause he needs to be flying south.
    Get him out of that litter box,
    Because this ol' gal needs some cozy socks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Socks you say at your bay
      Not high hopes on display

      Delete
  25. orlin N cassie...ta gunafu...we due knot feel de least bit sorree drazin made ya eat crow....dam burd....while we due knot haz much snow...yet...itz like 400 bee low zero heer....even de side walks R bitchin !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yuck to such cold
      Hopefully warm heat takes hold

      Delete
  26. Poor Santa! 'Twas a rough day indeed!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rough all around
      As in the litter he was found

      Delete
  27. Candy cane touching is definitely not cool!
    Might make some dirty old men drool.
    But then again, some of the Santa men we see around here.
    Stay holly jolly by scratching their rear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha scratch an itch
      Do they ho ho ho at high pitch

      Delete
  28. I love rhyme Pat and you my dear are a master of same..Merry Christmas Lady

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A master I like to be
      At my rhyming sea

      Delete
  29. Uhoh! We were afraid of what you were going to tell us about Santa!

    Pat, thank you so much for helping Lilly out! Because of great people like you, she has her $600!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha in the litter he goes indeed
      Glad she gets the help she will need

      Delete
  30. You are correct. I am confused.
    White world, broken magic stick, flat Santa, maybe a fake. It's just the whole middle part that confused me, and I read it twice.
    I hate being confused all the time. My daughter has taken to patting me on the head and saying, 'It's okay, Mommy.' :( She better not put me in a rest home, I don't care how senile I get!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha the cat would pat you if he could
      Confusing is fun at my hood

      Delete
  31. What a graphic Classic Illustrated tale
    sent in plain brown wrapper in the mail;
    super villains wanting to shut down
    St. Nick, with surprise they found
    Clausman to be quicker & tougher
    then expected, likewise mean & rougher
    than the jolly fat man was supposed to be,
    forcing the dastardly villains to have to flee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha without fail
      It sets the mail trail
      With a foe or three
      After St. Nick's glee

      Delete
  32. I'll never be able to think of a candy cane in the same way again:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha the cat is good
      Changing thoughts for all at his hood

      Delete
  33. The white stuff can be pretty for a little bit,
    If only the cold didn't come with it.
    I don't want Santa to be trashed and all flat,
    If he doesn't show up, I'll blame Pat Hatt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can take the blame
      Add some fame to my name

      Delete
  34. wow...it really has been long
    since we heard from that throng!
    And all together, too!
    Santa will add them to his list of 'shame on you'.
    haha. That would be the naughty list.
    Surely that will make them hiss!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I'm sure they are too unwise
      Especially the one with beady eyes
      To even realize such a feat
      Will leave them in defeat

      Delete
  35. Now don't you go scaring off Santa now, Mr Hatt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Santa may be scared away
      Or in the litterbox at my bay

      Delete
  36. Oh snap...I think the "weirdo" is going to leave a mammoth sized lump of coal in your stocking!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha at least I can use it as a door stop
      Won't be a total flop

      Delete
  37. Nothing gets me into the Christmas mood like your posts Pat, so good!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Imagine all the dreadful pain
    to be smashed by Santa's candy cane
    a Christmas lying bleeding
    and it doesn't help with pleading

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I would run
      Then be disturbed a ton

      Delete
  39. On our road trip the other day
    We saw a giant Santa gray
    Windows were his eyes
    His mouth was door-size
    With a giant moustache all around
    And whiskers down to the ground
    Wish we had snapped a shot
    'Cuz it would make folks laugh a lot

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha sounds like quite the guy
      That santa may not be able to fly

      Delete
  40. I am kind of glad that I don't eat candy canes any longer... I will just go have my peppermint tea with some stevia in it and be happy that the candy canes hold no interest for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha be happy with that
      Scary candy canes at ones mat

      Delete